Day 148 A consequence of physical separation

English: Viking lawn mower. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am mowing my lawn, I did not see the rope on the ground. I broke my lawn mower because I was off in loopy land dreaming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not be here, physically aware of my environment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the back chat voices in my head say, Why the fuck is that rope there!, when it does nothing to blame some unknown seeable thing that placed this rope there, as it was me, so then another voice asked me how it moved to where it was, as I had not put it there but next to the tree, and then I wanted to blame my one son who has a habit of picking things up, as he likes to twiddle things in his hand, thus things are always moved around, as he is blamed, where none of this back chat matters as it is all blame and spite, and the real action that caused the problem was that I was not here, walking in common sense of what was on the ground as I pushed the lawn mower, so there was/is no one to blame but myself as even this is pointless, because all that is needed is for me to be here in common sense and not off dreaming in and as my mind about “whatever.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand to what extent I am a energetic mind and not one and equal to life here, physically here, with the only thing I can actually deal with in any given moment, which is being here, breathing, moving in common sense with this instrument of life that is my human physical body, expressing myself here, with life, this physical world, as this is what is real and not the desires, wants and needs, emotions, feelings and opinions , in and as my mind, and if I really take a good look at what i am as mind I will see, realize and understand that the mind is of a limited story line, that bears no witness to what is actually physically happening in this world, as the character personifications are ideas of more than and less than, fear of loss and desire to gain in a game of survival called capitalism that we have all accepted and allowed to be an impression of what life is, when this is not what life is, as many entities, as expressions of life on this planet are not considered and thus abused, thus we are not working with what is here, and within this we have no idea how these things were created as mind, and yet we assume dominance to and towards that which we have no understanding for, where the simplicity of this is so easy to understand and demand that we ask ourselves what we are in fact doing assuming supremacy when we have no clue as to what created this existence, in and as the limited minds we have allowed ourselves to exist as.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to become the character of self pity, to allow an emotion of self pity, where i believe I have been mistreated, unloved and picked on as though some supernatural force has come and purposely caused my lawn mower to break, which is really a mind fuck and myself not being here, looking at what is actually physically here, and within this I realize that this is what has been taught, myself to exist as a superstitious, scared, helpless human, when in fact this is not what i am, I am life, one and equal to what is here, and thus there is no one, no object to blame, nothing to point the finger at, as it was me allowing myself to exist as my mind, a program of no awareness of this physical world, as I accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of the grass and the ground, thus it is not to blame myself either, but to realize that all there is is breath and being physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to Also go into the character of a woman, where I have the back chat , in self pity, that there should be a manly man here to deal with this lawnmower, where I then have back chat to and towards blaming men that I have known for not being here to do what men are supposed to do, which is a belief and not myself actually being here, looking at what is here, realizing that the lawn mower is a machine  and meant to cut grass, and that it functions in a certain way, and if I run over some rope, and the rope gets caught in the blade arm, and pulls on this in an opposing manner, then it will probably break the machine, so thus there is not need for a man to explain a machine like this, I can see, realize and understand that when the blade no longer turns the full circumference, and drags at one point that something has been bent in some way, and thus to fix this is probably more than the machine is worth, as products are made so cheaply now and labor is costly, the only solution is to buy a new one, which as we can see, our system is focused on profit and image and within this, the image thing is that I have to make my house look presentable within established norms because this is the picture wanted in this world, where it is probably better for the grass to be long, as the wind moved the blades as the form of the grass and this allows interaction between the air and the soil, and actually cleans up pollutants in the air as the bacteria in the grass break down the pollutants, thus this whole scenario is not what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to seek a feel good situation in talking about how everything I am doing in mowing the lawn is not what is best for all, when what I was, within that moment of mowing was not being here, equal and one to what I was interacting with in the first place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to begin to worry about money, as my washing machine is broken as well and I start to worry about spending money on repairs, where i have been in situations like this before and managed to use my common sense and get through them, thus this is what will be walked and within this allowing myself to realize a situation where such mechanical break downs, as they are a part of life at the moment, will not be so overwhelming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I had already mowed most of the yard, and it is only a small part to be done, thus since it is Fall and the grass will grow more slowly, I can have someone come and finish the lawn, as this will be more cost effective for where I am at at the moment, and the lawn will probably only need to be mowed one or two more times, thus this situation is not as doom and gloom seeming as I immediately reacted as when I ran over the rope because I was not here breathing and looking at what i was in fact doing physically.

I commit myself to realizing that the only solution to this is to realize the importance of breath, to actually be here, breathing looking at what is here, and to not be following loopy imaginings in and as my mind.

I commit myself to practice listening to what is here, to being one and equal  in and as breath, to exist in common sense of what is actually physically here.

I commit myself to say stop, when and as I become reactive, and to realize all the characters I have accepted and allowed, such as the female character, the self pity character, the superstitious -abdicating responsibility character which is wanting someone else to take care of me character, the doom and gloom-worry-about-money character, the blaming-men character, the blaming-the-system character, the self righteous character, the knowing character, the whole crew of this mind stage play that is a separation from what is actually physically here, this crew a troop of whining, complaining, self interested-one dimensional-cries of energetic-non-substantive-and-able-to-direct and solve storms-in-teacups. What a fucking soap opera of illusion. What the fuck are we doing people?

Desteni I Process Stop the Mind of separation from Life

Self forgiveness Blogs The 7 Year Journey To Life

Life Reviews

Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts of comparison come up while I am working on my house, such as, “ Now my sisters will think my house is nice.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be secretly pleased when my sisters/sister says that I cannot sell my house.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become jealous of my sisters , when in reality I have learned a long time ago that this makes no sense,  because I always preferred a lot of nature and I realized that I would prefer a tiny house in nature in a supposed “bad” neighbor hood than a big house in an affluent neighbor hood as I have this thing where I need nature or I feel like I am inundated with something heavy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the culture of man is heavy, especially when I was in Europe, where the Culture of the human is so embedded in every stone of all the old buildings, and nature is the only escape.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory when I was first in Europe of desperately needing trees and grass, needing to find a park to sit under a tree, to find some “lightening” from the heaviness of the culture, where this is not a solution, as it is myself wanting to escape from something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that this is the same thing that is happening in relation to these thoughts of house comparison with my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run and hide from these thoughts, which reminds me of fevers I had as a child where I wanted to run and hide from the fever.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see the presence of these thoughts as a kind of boogy man - so to speak- as they are nasty and ugly and make no sense, as wanting what my sisters have in reality has nothing to do with myself here, and if I look at this comparison it has no  clear real definition, and is a general malaise only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize that this comparison triggers accepted norms of value as to how a house should be within American culture, with a flat green mowed lawn and a cared for house which, in common sense, creates a landscape of limited design and limited variety and thus expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the desiring of singularly selected and limited values that I chase after instead of remaining here with what is here, as what is here is life where one tree is not more than another, and that tree works in tandem with my human physical body in creating oxygen for me to breath and to thus exist here on earth, this tree that cannot be owned as it supports life, just as water supports life, and thus can water not be owned as it is here on this earth to support life, thus is a system of profit an absolute atrocity, that what support the human can be turned into a commodity and  made to be something needed to be bought, which is allowing a few to control, and thus the dis-allowance and support of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become righteous about this, when this is just common sense, and thus nothing else is acceptable but that nature is here to support life, and that man can think he can own this and sell this is working against the very thing that supports the human as life, and thus it is an illusion that what supports life can be owned and traded via a piece of paper.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I move from my own  petty jealousies into righteousness about the state of the world, where my findings are not in themselves the issue but the drive of righteousness I move into as I write out my own back chat/comparison/ measuring/be limited value mind separations, where i will then go into self pity, spinning around in all this and thus not being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I cannot judge these things of the mind as what has been taught that is of limited design, that is inconsiderate of all that is here, that only considers what is presented as being more than or less than, and that the chasing of this more than and less than actually stops the expression of life here, as it is obvious that life here is composed of a multi-varied expression, rejected by the human.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my own common sense is turned into self pity as I have this cloud of comparison based on limited ideas that I allow to bother me as evident in the back chat in and as my mind, occupying me, taking me away from the joy of what is actually here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when corporations present scientific studies of agricultural development this is the negative posed as the positive, where this is called development  is really about measuring land and the potential of land to sell this land and create monocultures on this land, as forcing a profitable idea on this land and handing owner ship of this land to a few, where the people of the land, the animals of the land are not considered and swept away, where in America there have been studies that realize that smaller farms using a system of varied production on the land in fact protect the biodiversity and in the end produce more from the land than the monocultures do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see realize and understand that as within so without, where the things - the values- I exist as , in and as my mind, within allowing back chat to suggest that I am less than my sisters - as I compare what we each have, is my self being the monoculture corporation, and not myself accepting what is actually physically here, where if I worked with what was actually physically here - and accepted the variation - I would, just as a smaller farm - be more productive with myself, and expose myself to a richer and more varied life experience.

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how limited the mind is in fact, and that the mind has absolutely no common sense, that the mind cannot fathom the totality of this world, and that these same limited values that are the voices in my head, are what is taught and projected by the media and the gossip as the morality play by the mind - as the separations into and as this limited design- of all of us - neighbors, teachers, doctors, politicians, business men, and on and on, where each and every one of us know this, yet we do not stand up and stop, where it becomes obvious that we must stand up and stop this, as we are destroying this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to compare what I have with another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize comparison of value has no substantive directive development of life, and that when this is of the mind, it is a separation from what is actually here.

When and as a thought comes up that is of comparison, I realize that I am no longer here.

When and as a thought of jealousy comes up, I realize that the feeling of loss, the fear of loss, is what I am allowing myself to exist as, and that this present system drives this wheel as the thoughts that are my mind, as this system built by men, has turned life into a game of survival, where limited values are what is deemed necessary to exist, and thus the varied life of this planet is destroyed as is this within myself when I allow myself to be ruled, to measure myself, by the limited design of a profit for the few system.

I commit myself to stopping and forgiving all thoughts of comparison realizing they are based in fear of loss, and thus not working with what is here, but selectively taken and placed as value to enslave myself as mind, in fear of being myself as life here.

I commit myself to realizing how clear of all this back chat I must become, to not be moved by the crying back chat, fear of loss, control seeking to substantiate acceptance of limitation, and thus stagnant,  personally ingrained limited beliefs, opinions and ideas proposed within a system of profit - accepted and allowed and built by the human, as what  I have allowed for a long time,  to be what I am here, and this done without righteousness and indignation.

I commit myself to listening to the voices of separation from common sense all around me, and to walk the walk to piece by piece bring the cry of separation back to life, back to earth, where the cry indicated the desire for self to find self, to come home to self as life, where no one wishes ill on another, it is that the cry is obsessed with itself and can no longer see what it has become of itself, but if is would stop and stand and breath and listen, it would begin to see the storm of emotion and feeling and thought it has become that is the separation, and that self is here, within and as the physical, the stabilizer, that which is the support, that which is real.

It is time for Equal Money.

Back Chat

Creations Journey to Life 

Earths Journey to Life