Day 691 What is seven generations? Does the value judgement hide the means?

Coming out from under the lack of responsibility to what is here.

I have these memories that appear so vague. 

I would not say they are a back chat of words, they are in themselves a form that has no word.

A recent one is a movement of myself feeling like there is this pressure coming down on me and it is like I want to get out from under it, yet no matter how hard I try, it remains.

It is relentless and I dread the coming of it. I want to hide from it.

I do not know how to get out from under it.

It is like climbing up a long stairwell. Yet, I resist accepting it.

I fight as resistance to it.

I get really really quiet to avoid it, to have some resemblance of myself within the coming of it- so to speak. All I have is a memory of a movement.

All I have is a sense of ‘ getting out from under “ and  this thing to get out from under of being a ‘stairwell to climb into’.

I was with a child the other day. They had a lot of coping behaviors. They sat down to focus and then very quickly became overwhelmed. I decided to model for them.  While I modeled, they became suddenly very silent, very very still. A deep quiet. A deep stillness. They watched me for a moment.  There were no reactions from them, no personal behaviors that existed in the previous moment. Just a sudden sitting up straight and with a great stillness, watching what I was doing.

In these moments it is like there is someone real there. I am suddenly aware that there is a person there, a sentient being, an awareness that defies the ideas I have in relation to superficial protections and defenses whose gossip I might accept if I did not pay attention and look.

We say that many of our children can remember who the latest movie star married yet they have no understanding of history.  As the ends reveal the means, this shows that our children are by design very absorbent. They can take in information, especially if it is something within their environment. They can remember what appears real, what they can relate to. Since we impulse a good in telling every little girl that she is a princess, she then relates that to reproductive relationships, and defines herself as that. Of course, this relationship in reality is going to be a ‘ guiding measure’ and the stories around them of this, about this, as this is what is ubiquitous in the media, is going to be how the tree grows! That information is the proverbial ‘ fertile ground’ and it is real, it is here.

The history of the past is no longer here, thus it is a story that has no real relationship to connect with what is actually alive and moving here.

Should the history we are taught have a real relationship to what is real here? Would this give an understanding of how here, where we are living, works?  I mean, does not the bible say that the sins of the fathers remains for seven generations? The ends reveal the means, thus, when we take a statement such as seven generations of information is passed on, and we polarize that concept into a bad, we create an entity about this, and get caught up in the consequence in a fear of it, when it reveals something in a mathematical way right in front of us. It means that we are like seeds and retain a resonance , that is a measure, a movement of information that is passed on. Perhaps it is what has yet to be cleared up as information that has not sorted itself out in aligning itself into a relationship that moves in tune with that which our children can remember. They remember it because it is relatable to what is within this actual living world.

We can call our children stupid if they do not know who was president 100 years ago, yet obviously they can retain vast amounts of information. It is not the ability to retain information that is the problem,  it is the information they are asked to remember - to memorize. The information has no practical correlation to this actual world around them. 

This also begs the question as to what information we are placing in front of/on-top-of them. It is as though we are asking them to live in two different worlds, one of ideas and one they see right in front of them, that is different from the one they are asked to accept. And we wonder why they are presently losing any development in fine motor skill development. It is because there is the absence of this development. The child can absorb , it is what they are absorbing. How in any way can we blame the child when the child is doing what is natural to them? They absorb what is placed before them. And they sense when that information is not a real relationship to the actual physical world around them.  Then, they naturally become behaviors of resistance! 

Thus, somehow, my memory that has no name,  to ‘ get out from under’ and ‘ climb the staircase’ fit into this scenario. It is a memory of resisting something that made no sense, and yet there was no way out, or so I believed. And as there are no words but a parabola, in my descriptions  I did not have the means to express what was happening to me YET.

The means of this,  is the means to sort this all out. I can stand and see the sea of information-stairway and remain firmly rooted on the ground, with what is alive and here, and clean up, or align seven generations of a separation from real living into what is best for all, which is what is best for what is here, as the physical.

What does this mean? This means, turning and facing the storm of and as this sea of information, to begin the process of ordering that back into defining itself into a relationship with the physical, with life, with what is living and here. The same means of  resistance is the means of defining things into what is living, to what is in sync with what is real, which is the physical. I can become quiet and listen, and assess and investigate, I can as that inherent nature as what I am,  stand in awareness as a starting point of stillness, absorb a form and relate it to what is alive and here, right in front of me, to remove seven generations of miss-takes on reality where there is no time for blame, and become the actual doing that is the magic of creation in expression as the physical.  I can ‘ get under’ the measure, the form, the mendacious gossip, and remove this so-called stairway to heaven, a sea of generated information and redefine it into what is practical living, because this is where I am, and this is what is real, right here in front of me. All the king’s men and all the king’s horses cannot do this, and anyway, I am the means as the gift of life as who and what I am. 

Day 114 Everyone is talking about relationships

Day 114

Everyone is talking about their relationships

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the gossip within relationships.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feed relationships in and as images and ideas in and as my mind in separation from what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dream, to imagine a future based on my past that is the moral of right and wrong and not a relation to what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel the need to support relationships, which no matter what is a form of gossip in separation from what is actually here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to the stories of relationships within and as others’ weave of successful actions as what is believed to be real as the stories of relations made in and as their minds in separation from what is actually physically here, the real stage as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare my self and thus be the act of judging myself as I listen to the stories of others, to fear connecting with them, to fear facing their crying games as I fear facing my own, as it means I will have to give up all my relations made that support myself as what I believe myself to be, all in separation from what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that dealing with other people is hopeless, not seeing realizing and understanding that all actually desire to be here, but the means and the methods are of taking one from here, instead of supporting one in actually being here, one and equal to this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the answers are right here in and as the physical and yet I keep seeking answers within the imagery of the mind, where no answer exists as this is not what is real -what is physically here, as within the mind I can imagine outcomes where what I fear is not faced, my allowed hopes in  separation from here, in being here I must face what has been accepted and allowed that does not support the actual understanding of the forms of what is here physically,

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in not facing how the forms of what is here physically “fit” within and as the nature of themselves, I allow abuse to life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all the behaviors I exist as are an abdication of myself in standing up for and as life, as what is physically here that is real, where my own emotional tantrums are myself wanting what is here to work, yet the present system of division and conquer to accumulate more for a few has forced earth into a pyramid, like a angular shape into a round shape, and thus this does not work, cannot work, will not work, as this is not working with what is real, and instead imposing and distracting what is real, causing abuse to life because some believe they deserve more than others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become a character of self pity, where I allow myself to not see what is actually physically here, life handed to me as me, where I do not accept the gift of life given as I allow limited ideas to be my friends instead of being one and equal to what I am one and equal to, as life, which is this actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to image things into and as characters, built on stories, as ideas with signifiers of value attached to personas instead of realizing life here as the value..

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my character projections onto myself and others are reflections of relationships made where I no longer see  the movement of life as oneness in equality as expression.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this image world of layered characters is a game of illusion hiding a fear of survival, hiding myself from being the directive principle of myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from what is here into and as some compounded layered drama in and as energy to justify what I fear facing that is here, as what i believe myself to be.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a middle class person, I fear losing what has been “dished out to me” to such an extent that I fear any change within and as the system, creating complacency within and as myself, and a desire to not look at what is actually here, as this would mean that I would have to change.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a middle class person in America, I am essentially a Hitler, as I chose to maintain a status quo that does not support life, all life, as I fear losing what I have, not realizing that this is the cause of abuse within and as this world, where in accepting a system that is not supportive of ALL life, I am, as Hitler, supporting a system that is filled with justifications as to why I choose to not do what is necessary to provide the basic needs for a dignified life for everything on this planet, where I need alcohol and drugs to keep the life of me shut down, as were I to stand and to look, it would mean I would have to change, and as I have shut down my heart with many forms of drugs, of which entertainment is one, I can no longer see what is real, and thus I am in fact not living life but rather hiding in the gossip of imagined relationships in and as my mind, the same as the soap operas of drama I watch on the television and in the movies, and read in the best selling novels to maintain a sense of being a good character through merely thinking I am good because I have good thoughts, where thoughts are smoke and mirrors and have no actual physical support so evident in the fact that abuse exists in this earth, the majority of this earth, where I am told this with videos made by those willing to look, and yet I refuse, and thus I am as Hitler in passively allowing the abuse that exists on this earth, unless I stand and support a system that shares what this earth gives freely as is the nature of life, yet I hide in a system of inequality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there can be no real life until the organism of this earth as life is functioning to full dignified/supported capacity, as all are me and I am them, thus I as this middle class person will go nowhere until this is cleaned up, and this is what i will leave for the children to come unless I stand and become life here, become what is real, interacting with this physical world instead of ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind.

I commit myself to removing the veils of drama as character outplay in and as my mind, in separation from life, through stopping the gossip in and as the mind between the divisions of persona I accept and allow as my survival suit, to stop the energetic expression of these characters in and as myself, where I believe the illusion of choice, and accept the drugs of this world, and I stand and realize there is no life until everything on this earth is cared for as life.

I commit myself to realizing that hiding is like placing myself in a closet, to gather dust where I decay under the weight of the dust that accumulates in my rejection of myself as life.

I commit myself to realizing that all the pacifying drugs of this system of inequality, such as alcohol, pharmaceuticals, floride, entertainment, stories, novels, competitive sports, hunting,  are all in separation from myself as life, are myself not standing up as life and directing myself as life, but are directives within ideas supporting characters, such as a macho kendoll man, or a cinderella, or an intellectual, or a guru healer, or or or or, where the sensitivity to life, as this physical world is not developed, and instead an idea of how one should appear, all supporting a system of inequality through limited polished presentations that do not consider all life.

I commit myself to realizing that all gossip is about maintaining relationships, within as the voices in and as my mind, and without in judgement of others, both actions one and the same, done in self interest as my survival suit, where I believe I have the choice to not look at what is physically real as abuse within and as this world, myself existing in abdication of life here.

I commit myself to realizing that I must stand up and support an Equal Money System, to take what is of no signature of ownership, and distribute it to support all life, as I will not and cannot become life until all that is here is this earth is supported as life, in dignity as what it is, where in fact I am the cause of cancer through what I accept and allow as a system of inequality that does not support life.

I commit myself to realizing that the development of memory, through education and the imposition of “right” action as character by parents in order to survive within inequality, is the process of my mental gossip development and the separation from myself as life into and as mind and not myself becoming and being one and equal to this physical world where I am a living word and not a gossip in and as my mind.

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Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts of comparison come up while I am working on my house, such as, “ Now my sisters will think my house is nice.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be secretly pleased when my sisters/sister says that I cannot sell my house.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become jealous of my sisters , when in reality I have learned a long time ago that this makes no sense,  because I always preferred a lot of nature and I realized that I would prefer a tiny house in nature in a supposed “bad” neighbor hood than a big house in an affluent neighbor hood as I have this thing where I need nature or I feel like I am inundated with something heavy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the culture of man is heavy, especially when I was in Europe, where the Culture of the human is so embedded in every stone of all the old buildings, and nature is the only escape.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory when I was first in Europe of desperately needing trees and grass, needing to find a park to sit under a tree, to find some “lightening” from the heaviness of the culture, where this is not a solution, as it is myself wanting to escape from something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that this is the same thing that is happening in relation to these thoughts of house comparison with my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run and hide from these thoughts, which reminds me of fevers I had as a child where I wanted to run and hide from the fever.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see the presence of these thoughts as a kind of boogy man - so to speak- as they are nasty and ugly and make no sense, as wanting what my sisters have in reality has nothing to do with myself here, and if I look at this comparison it has no  clear real definition, and is a general malaise only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize that this comparison triggers accepted norms of value as to how a house should be within American culture, with a flat green mowed lawn and a cared for house which, in common sense, creates a landscape of limited design and limited variety and thus expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the desiring of singularly selected and limited values that I chase after instead of remaining here with what is here, as what is here is life where one tree is not more than another, and that tree works in tandem with my human physical body in creating oxygen for me to breath and to thus exist here on earth, this tree that cannot be owned as it supports life, just as water supports life, and thus can water not be owned as it is here on this earth to support life, thus is a system of profit an absolute atrocity, that what support the human can be turned into a commodity and  made to be something needed to be bought, which is allowing a few to control, and thus the dis-allowance and support of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become righteous about this, when this is just common sense, and thus nothing else is acceptable but that nature is here to support life, and that man can think he can own this and sell this is working against the very thing that supports the human as life, and thus it is an illusion that what supports life can be owned and traded via a piece of paper.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I move from my own  petty jealousies into righteousness about the state of the world, where my findings are not in themselves the issue but the drive of righteousness I move into as I write out my own back chat/comparison/ measuring/be limited value mind separations, where i will then go into self pity, spinning around in all this and thus not being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I cannot judge these things of the mind as what has been taught that is of limited design, that is inconsiderate of all that is here, that only considers what is presented as being more than or less than, and that the chasing of this more than and less than actually stops the expression of life here, as it is obvious that life here is composed of a multi-varied expression, rejected by the human.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my own common sense is turned into self pity as I have this cloud of comparison based on limited ideas that I allow to bother me as evident in the back chat in and as my mind, occupying me, taking me away from the joy of what is actually here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when corporations present scientific studies of agricultural development this is the negative posed as the positive, where this is called development  is really about measuring land and the potential of land to sell this land and create monocultures on this land, as forcing a profitable idea on this land and handing owner ship of this land to a few, where the people of the land, the animals of the land are not considered and swept away, where in America there have been studies that realize that smaller farms using a system of varied production on the land in fact protect the biodiversity and in the end produce more from the land than the monocultures do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see realize and understand that as within so without, where the things - the values- I exist as , in and as my mind, within allowing back chat to suggest that I am less than my sisters - as I compare what we each have, is my self being the monoculture corporation, and not myself accepting what is actually physically here, where if I worked with what was actually physically here - and accepted the variation - I would, just as a smaller farm - be more productive with myself, and expose myself to a richer and more varied life experience.

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how limited the mind is in fact, and that the mind has absolutely no common sense, that the mind cannot fathom the totality of this world, and that these same limited values that are the voices in my head, are what is taught and projected by the media and the gossip as the morality play by the mind - as the separations into and as this limited design- of all of us - neighbors, teachers, doctors, politicians, business men, and on and on, where each and every one of us know this, yet we do not stand up and stop, where it becomes obvious that we must stand up and stop this, as we are destroying this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to compare what I have with another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize comparison of value has no substantive directive development of life, and that when this is of the mind, it is a separation from what is actually here.

When and as a thought comes up that is of comparison, I realize that I am no longer here.

When and as a thought of jealousy comes up, I realize that the feeling of loss, the fear of loss, is what I am allowing myself to exist as, and that this present system drives this wheel as the thoughts that are my mind, as this system built by men, has turned life into a game of survival, where limited values are what is deemed necessary to exist, and thus the varied life of this planet is destroyed as is this within myself when I allow myself to be ruled, to measure myself, by the limited design of a profit for the few system.

I commit myself to stopping and forgiving all thoughts of comparison realizing they are based in fear of loss, and thus not working with what is here, but selectively taken and placed as value to enslave myself as mind, in fear of being myself as life here.

I commit myself to realizing how clear of all this back chat I must become, to not be moved by the crying back chat, fear of loss, control seeking to substantiate acceptance of limitation, and thus stagnant,  personally ingrained limited beliefs, opinions and ideas proposed within a system of profit - accepted and allowed and built by the human, as what  I have allowed for a long time,  to be what I am here, and this done without righteousness and indignation.

I commit myself to listening to the voices of separation from common sense all around me, and to walk the walk to piece by piece bring the cry of separation back to life, back to earth, where the cry indicated the desire for self to find self, to come home to self as life, where no one wishes ill on another, it is that the cry is obsessed with itself and can no longer see what it has become of itself, but if is would stop and stand and breath and listen, it would begin to see the storm of emotion and feeling and thought it has become that is the separation, and that self is here, within and as the physical, the stabilizer, that which is the support, that which is real.

It is time for Equal Money.

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