Day 64 Perpetual Jury Duty

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dread having jury duty in August.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of doom and gloom about having to go to jury duty.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand that this gloom and doom feeling that causes a general feeling of stagnant movement in and as my human physical body, where I feel tired and want to run away from this, yet knowing there is no place to go as I must face this, is myself here not wanting to place myself into realizing where and how I am existing in perpetual jury duty in and as the very constructed personality that I exist as here within a system of “create a persona” to survive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand  that the judge is my personality, and thus how I am on jury duty, placing blame and spite on anything that threatens the system of me, the protection of myself within a system of inequality that is created by the human, the only animal that pays to live on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that my dread of jury duty is one and the same as my dread of facing my own accepted and allowed spite and blame, self protection mechanism, constructed of all that I have been exposed to through family and education, and a voice - as media and politics - intent on gaining more than others, themselves blind to themselves as life, where the whole consumerist presentation is to mislead and entrap into a superficial existence where the outcome is the chasing of desires that are never fulfilled, as the illusion is just this, an illusion and of no substance, evident in the fact that this system does not consider the physical world, that which is real, seen in the destruction and disregard of the state of this planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize I need not fear the juror on duty in and as my self, as this is really a fear of standing up and redirecting myself, taking all the judgements and “rulings” back to myself and directing myself as what is best for all, keeping myself stable in and as my human physical body utilizing breath and self forgiveness, through writing and corrective application to stop the juror as the persona - this voice of separation and thus fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a picture of how I am supposed to be as I drive around, not realizing that these projections and desires are all based on role play and have nothing to do with actually being here.

I, for example, forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this morning, seen a couple walking together and thinking “how nice this looked” where it is not that this is nice or not  nice, it is that this is not the only way to be, and that I remember feeling that this was lost when my husband was dead, thus do I have a sadness based on a belief -as an idea of how things are supposed to be- that I must match that idea as picture, thus do I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I desire to be a “couple”, which if I look is a fuzzy picture as image only and not myself being here realizing all of existence and only living in a singular idea of what life is or is not, where i can become bitter should i not have this, where the society in which I live, avoids the single woman, because of this idea of how people on this earth should appear, where what is real, a human being as an expression of life is what is real, and the fears of a woman having sex with a man, a husband, where it is believed that a single woman is a threat to a marriage, does not consider that it takes two, and does not consider that if the human cannot control their sexual “cravings” then the human has not been developed, and that the society in which we live, propagates sexual action all over the place, and that the solution is not to hide from this or avoid this but to stand up and realize why this exists and to support a solution that stops this as there is nothing else, and sitting and waiting for someone else to do this, or to be the act of blame and only talking about how horrible this is, will do nothing to change this that is unacceptable and shows that the human has no directive capacity and thus is not self expressing self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become righteous about all of this, to not realize that this will take myself becoming stable and speaking up again and again and again, where I will receive the voice of spite, the jury of the persona of justification  and that I cannot fear this, and instead see it for what it is and take it apart piece by piece until it is done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize the depth of constriction the jury as the personality of myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be is resonant within and as myself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I often had a red light come on when I was told what to do, where my mind is my self telling my self what to do, where this voice of what to do is the voice of a system supporting separation and it is not to outright reject but to realize, using the principle of equality, to bring back to myself as life and not as what I am supposed to look like and be a presentation as, and direct as what is best for all, where often if I do this in conversation I will be received with irritation as what is best for all has not been what the human has existed as and thus will be rejected as what has been accepted and allowed is the human on jury duty blaming and spiting in order to survive, as the system on earth is a system of survival, where the human is the only animal that pays to live on this earth, this unconditionally giving earth.

When and as I have a feeling of dread and doom and gloom come up, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I am fearing facing what has been accepted and allowed, and a deep nauseousness ensues, where I feel like I want to through up, which is how I felt when I found my dead husband, and how I feel when I see this new man in town that walks with a tremble as he has some degenerative disease and it makes me feel sick to my stomach when I see it, and this has happened all my life, where I am drawn to this wondering what the fuck this is, and at the same time repelled, like it some kind of discordant “thing” which is probably why I an a destonian, as I sense something is not right about this world.

 When and as I become a feeling of doom and gloom and general malaise I stop and I breath, and I remember what i just wrote, because it is making me feel better, where this can be cleaned up and forgiven through a process where the life that is here on this earth can become the principle of oneness in equality, a living breathing, self directed expression of life, as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to cleaning up all the personas I have accepted and allowed, as the persona, the personification of myself to fit into a system of survival, creating competition and greed as the movement of men on an unconditionally giving earth, through writing, self forgiveness and corrective application and speaking what sounds what is best for all in and as every breath here, realizing that spite and blame, within and without are the dust of separation and not the composition of a life fully lived, where any and all disease is a reflection of life lacking ease as dis-ease as the stagnant flow of life in full expression.

I commit myself to realizing that there exists a judge and a jury, means that the human has not been developed in and as that which is here, that which is what we as life are composed of, that which is right here as us which means the very substance as what we are has not been developed within and as us, to be the directive of ourselves, this that is the creation of life, this physical world that we ignore and believe ourselves to be greater than, when disease exists and thus  not in equality with life especially when best practices are known and blocked in the name of greed, which unless we stand and stop as a collective, this will be what continues as the sins of the fathers onto the children of this earth.

TIme for Equal Money. 

How money is god and determines the personification of the human.

Self Enlightenment steps for the Elite ( anyone with internet access)

Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts of comparison come up while I am working on my house, such as, “ Now my sisters will think my house is nice.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be secretly pleased when my sisters/sister says that I cannot sell my house.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become jealous of my sisters , when in reality I have learned a long time ago that this makes no sense,  because I always preferred a lot of nature and I realized that I would prefer a tiny house in nature in a supposed “bad” neighbor hood than a big house in an affluent neighbor hood as I have this thing where I need nature or I feel like I am inundated with something heavy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the culture of man is heavy, especially when I was in Europe, where the Culture of the human is so embedded in every stone of all the old buildings, and nature is the only escape.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory when I was first in Europe of desperately needing trees and grass, needing to find a park to sit under a tree, to find some “lightening” from the heaviness of the culture, where this is not a solution, as it is myself wanting to escape from something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that this is the same thing that is happening in relation to these thoughts of house comparison with my sisters.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run and hide from these thoughts, which reminds me of fevers I had as a child where I wanted to run and hide from the fever.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see the presence of these thoughts as a kind of boogy man - so to speak- as they are nasty and ugly and make no sense, as wanting what my sisters have in reality has nothing to do with myself here, and if I look at this comparison it has no  clear real definition, and is a general malaise only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize that this comparison triggers accepted norms of value as to how a house should be within American culture, with a flat green mowed lawn and a cared for house which, in common sense, creates a landscape of limited design and limited variety and thus expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the desiring of singularly selected and limited values that I chase after instead of remaining here with what is here, as what is here is life where one tree is not more than another, and that tree works in tandem with my human physical body in creating oxygen for me to breath and to thus exist here on earth, this tree that cannot be owned as it supports life, just as water supports life, and thus can water not be owned as it is here on this earth to support life, thus is a system of profit an absolute atrocity, that what support the human can be turned into a commodity and  made to be something needed to be bought, which is allowing a few to control, and thus the dis-allowance and support of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become righteous about this, when this is just common sense, and thus nothing else is acceptable but that nature is here to support life, and that man can think he can own this and sell this is working against the very thing that supports the human as life, and thus it is an illusion that what supports life can be owned and traded via a piece of paper.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I move from my own  petty jealousies into righteousness about the state of the world, where my findings are not in themselves the issue but the drive of righteousness I move into as I write out my own back chat/comparison/ measuring/be limited value mind separations, where i will then go into self pity, spinning around in all this and thus not being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I cannot judge these things of the mind as what has been taught that is of limited design, that is inconsiderate of all that is here, that only considers what is presented as being more than or less than, and that the chasing of this more than and less than actually stops the expression of life here, as it is obvious that life here is composed of a multi-varied expression, rejected by the human.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my own common sense is turned into self pity as I have this cloud of comparison based on limited ideas that I allow to bother me as evident in the back chat in and as my mind, occupying me, taking me away from the joy of what is actually here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when corporations present scientific studies of agricultural development this is the negative posed as the positive, where this is called development  is really about measuring land and the potential of land to sell this land and create monocultures on this land, as forcing a profitable idea on this land and handing owner ship of this land to a few, where the people of the land, the animals of the land are not considered and swept away, where in America there have been studies that realize that smaller farms using a system of varied production on the land in fact protect the biodiversity and in the end produce more from the land than the monocultures do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see realize and understand that as within so without, where the things - the values- I exist as , in and as my mind, within allowing back chat to suggest that I am less than my sisters - as I compare what we each have, is my self being the monoculture corporation, and not myself accepting what is actually physically here, where if I worked with what was actually physically here - and accepted the variation - I would, just as a smaller farm - be more productive with myself, and expose myself to a richer and more varied life experience.

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how limited the mind is in fact, and that the mind has absolutely no common sense, that the mind cannot fathom the totality of this world, and that these same limited values that are the voices in my head, are what is taught and projected by the media and the gossip as the morality play by the mind - as the separations into and as this limited design- of all of us - neighbors, teachers, doctors, politicians, business men, and on and on, where each and every one of us know this, yet we do not stand up and stop, where it becomes obvious that we must stand up and stop this, as we are destroying this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to compare what I have with another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize comparison of value has no substantive directive development of life, and that when this is of the mind, it is a separation from what is actually here.

When and as a thought comes up that is of comparison, I realize that I am no longer here.

When and as a thought of jealousy comes up, I realize that the feeling of loss, the fear of loss, is what I am allowing myself to exist as, and that this present system drives this wheel as the thoughts that are my mind, as this system built by men, has turned life into a game of survival, where limited values are what is deemed necessary to exist, and thus the varied life of this planet is destroyed as is this within myself when I allow myself to be ruled, to measure myself, by the limited design of a profit for the few system.

I commit myself to stopping and forgiving all thoughts of comparison realizing they are based in fear of loss, and thus not working with what is here, but selectively taken and placed as value to enslave myself as mind, in fear of being myself as life here.

I commit myself to realizing how clear of all this back chat I must become, to not be moved by the crying back chat, fear of loss, control seeking to substantiate acceptance of limitation, and thus stagnant,  personally ingrained limited beliefs, opinions and ideas proposed within a system of profit - accepted and allowed and built by the human, as what  I have allowed for a long time,  to be what I am here, and this done without righteousness and indignation.

I commit myself to listening to the voices of separation from common sense all around me, and to walk the walk to piece by piece bring the cry of separation back to life, back to earth, where the cry indicated the desire for self to find self, to come home to self as life, where no one wishes ill on another, it is that the cry is obsessed with itself and can no longer see what it has become of itself, but if is would stop and stand and breath and listen, it would begin to see the storm of emotion and feeling and thought it has become that is the separation, and that self is here, within and as the physical, the stabilizer, that which is the support, that which is real.

It is time for Equal Money.

Back Chat

Creations Journey to Life 

Earths Journey to Life