Day 290 The blanket of ownership, to outflow of liability

The Problem
I have heard it said many times that Capitalism is the best system humans have found. That this system of capitalism has changed the world and improved the lives of many. And we accept this limitation, “ the lives of many.” Within this statement we are accepting half measures, and this is unacceptable. Yet, how can a system of capitalism be what improves lives? It is just an organizational structure as to how money and resource and people interact, it is not an indicator of what physically happens on the ground, nor is it the thing that improves the lives on a practical basis, meaning the small daily steps, the “little things” that are done that make our lives livable. The abstract of this word does not explain this in detail, it only explains the way the gates of resource flow with the use of money. Obviously, what has happened is ownership of freely given resources and everything developing those resources is then labeled as a liability carrying the burden of outcomes of the processing of these freely given resources, thus the owners do not care, they have their security blankets and now the rest can go to hell, because all that is happening is the illusion of ownership that is a blanket of security. In a way, we are the liability because we have accepted and allowed this, thus we are libel. Our structures tell us what we are. Allowing some to be more than, is not what is best for them, nor for the processors of the resources of this earth, that have no signature of ownership, but what we give them.
Yes, we need a system of organization. It is our responsibility to care for this earth, to give as we would like to receive, thus existing in a piece of land and taking care of that land, is a value, and a system that allows one to securely care for a piece of land is necessary, but the land cannot really be owned, nor can the resources be owned by one individual. What is here is to support life, as this is the value. War is taking in self interest, and not an act of taking care of this world. This is simple common sense. A profit for the few system would think common sense dirty, as this would mean behaviors of greed, of self aggrandizement would have to die, and the emotional storm of this would screech as all the hot hair left this balloon of a story lacking any real substance, as all it really is , is the gas of waste, much like a fart. All greed and no substance. Gases by nature spread themselves around, much like the shattered shells of Humpty Dumpty. Equality, to and as life, as the nature of self, is to give as one would like to receive, to be whole, is to realize that life is the value.
What improves the lives of people on this planet? I would say it is technology, it is the development of taking care of human existence and thus the animals and the plants and soils that allow human interaction on the ground, that support infrastructures that maintain a clean environment that is as non-invasive as possible. It is working with what is here in common sense. Private ownership married to profit transferred into money, does not allow the sense of the commons, the collective on the ground, it is too busy holding onto what this value has been transferred into, the money, and it is caught up in the game of this and as consequence has separated what is here into/onto tiny pieces of paper or, lighted symbols on a computer screen, which we, as those who are libel, have accepted and allowed, thus we have built, brick by brick our structures, and because they have no reai substance, they are beginning to crumble. Communism and capitalism set a hierarchy at a distance and then made decisions based on data/value on a piece of paper, a separation from common ground sense. And, as this system has improved the lives of ONLY a few, it is not working, it has created an environment of fear, and just like that child who grows up in ahome where there is uncertainty and a lack of education and support, so are parts of this world in the same condition, there are peoples and plants and animals, in a state of dis-ease, and are unable to be the expression of what they are as the very form that they are. This is a crime against life.
In all common sense, we know what is needed to create a stable human being, we know what animals and plants need to thrive, thus in all common sense this should be what is given on this earth, to enable healthy and participating entities on this earth, thus what is for the common good as this planet must be what is practiced, absolutely. “Only a few, is unacceptable. It is time to stop and rebuild in equality, as this is the only answer, absolutely.
In my local town there are now cards for the oyster men with magnetic strips that record each sale. The state can now collect data as to how many oysters are sold. I mean really, if we can do this, we can have direct vote! There is absolutely no reason why each and every person on this planet cannot vote directly for what is practiced and organized by government. This is another example of how technology is what organizes this world, and we are able to use this. Even the military does research and knows what goes on in this world, thus for the military to hide and not make public findings, especially when it is the tax payers dollars, or money directed from the profit of freely given resources - which is life and thus belongs to earth and thus belongs to LIFE, such findings belong to all of us, and what is found and used for technological advancement, should be used to improve the lives of people and NOT for gain as money!This is really life in reverse, and given the extinction of animals, this “reverse” is not the verse of life. Our own words constantly tell us what we are doing.
We have all been taught that owning things makes us what we are. This is even used as terminology in schools, when a child has “grasped a concept as a word” they are told they now “own” the word. What does this really mean? How can a child “own” a word? They USE a word, just as the world USES technology to improve lives ( unless it is withheld -and this is the point) , thus a word is used to express, to direct, but “owning “ a word implies that now that child is a “more than” that that child has been successful, meanwhile, is that child taught of the effects that word has within existing on earth, as the very fabric of life, here? What does that technology as that word DO? Why are the learning of words indicated as being “owned” without realizing what that word actually can or cannot do within this world?
The capital of this earth, is the very nature of this physical world, as a tool, and a technology that enables life to be and DO, to express as the technology of the forms of the physical world, to allow life. Thus none of what is here can be owned, it is a tool to be and express life. Any claim of ownership is a crime against life, and crime is done in ignorance of and as life, as what is needed to be life is denied, as it is grabbed out from under the feet of what is here, it is like taking a spring out of a clock, that clock will no longer work. And this is what is happening on this earth, all because someone wants to own that spring, and they do not realize, in their disease as lust, that that taking of that spring is the destruction of life, which is not being aware of the whole, as the clock.

The solution
What is here belongs to life, all life, as it is all a part of this earth, as life. This earth is an organism that functions as parts, each part the very nature of what is needed to maintain the clock, as why would earth/life birth anything else but what supports itself as life? The disease of separation from life, into and as believing that one thing is more than another, and creating a system that supports such a notion, is what must change back to itself as life, realize itself as life, here. There is no other choice.
This means what has been created by men, that no one man can create alone, as the minute one road is traveled in a car, means that that man is dependent on what is here to do what ever that man does no matter what is believed as in thinking that they alone developed something and thus “own” the thing developed is a misconception, as whatever any of us develop, we did not do it alone. And, obviously, there is no “god’ there is only us, this earth here, as a total expression of life, this total expression being a “god” absolutely sharing itself as life, here. So, all men, all plants, all animals, everything is in total the organism of life, and this total organism is the gift, for each equally to be and become and do as life, here.
We are all life, thus we all “own” life. That gene, that tree, that animal, that man, all things of life, all composed of life, are equal and one in and as life here, we all “own” all that is here, and what is here is to support and allow life to be and to “do” as life. Thus the solution, to end this charade of war and ownership, is to manifest a system that support life as the value, to use the physical as the tool to be and express ourselves in and as what we are, which is life.
It is not capitalism that has advanced man, it is the technology in and as the physical. Thus, realize the physical world is the technology of life, and cannot be owned, only taken care of, supported, in and as being life.
This is really very simple, and can be understood by all, taking what has been developed here, to measure, can be used to educate and support, and allow all life to become aware of itself and stand and vote, every human, that is. To not move towards this is a crime against life, as it is the denial in common sense of life of the physical world around us. It is not capitalism that has improved the lives of people, it is allowing the use of technology created by men and the technology of the physical in and allowing this to function and be discovered that has improved lives, thus, again, the removal and denial of this is a crime against life. period. The solution is to support access to what improves, and thus allows life, this that cannot be owned as it is life. Stop thinking that just because one has “named” a thing, for instance a “gene” means that voila, because I have learned the “name” of something, as in “owning” a word, it means that I have ownership, well that word, and that gene have a name, and that name that is common in all existent, is life. And this is what we all are, and this life cannot exist without each and every thing here. Thus nothing can be owned, and life is the value, and the physical world is the technology enabling life to express itself absolutely. This whole belief of more than and less than is the disease, the illusion, the LIE, as taking the “f”, out of Life, the flow out of life, the spring out of the clock, the simple out of being. It is time to stop this disease as belief that what is here can be owned and that naming a thing means one has suddenly some kind of authority. Rumplestiltzskin can throw a tantrum for all I care. It is time to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, and that can be done by each of us, as each will vote for equality, and the means for direct vote is here. No more voting in separation, time for life to stand and vote for itself, the nature of which is to give as one would life to receive.

The Rewards
The value as life in every single thing on this earth is taken care of, that the acceptance of “ many lives” is realized as an ambiguous statement of relative value lacking absolute value. We are all libel for the care of the tools we use to express ourselves as life, within and as supporting ourselves as life, thus we cannot own, we can only respect and use what is here to enable life expression, as this is the value.
Support an Equal Money Capitalism System, to realize that the physical world is a tool to enable life. Time to remove the “security blanket” of ownership coupled with the relative as money taking on the value of life, as this is a separation in common sense of this actual real physical world. Turn money into the means of organizing what is here to support all life, to realizing that what is here cannot be owned, that what is here as the value is the expression made of what is here, which cannot be done by one individual alone, yet the value of the expression of life within each individual is equal and one, as one cannot exist without the other, and no blanket can hide this fact unless we accept and allow this ignorance, face this for what it is, a crime against life.

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Day 195 A being of blame

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be blame, to want to blame another as an object of not being responsible, which is myself not wanting to be responsible, which is myself wanting another to be what I fear, which is not realizing that this being responsible is an action, and that as this action, there is no other way but to be and become this action, yet I choose, within blame/placing an action on an object a deny-er of being action as what is real, of looking at action as what allows and accepts consequences, and within this not even looking to the whole situation on this earth, the monopolizing of money/resource and the lack of development through broadcast intentions related to appeasing fear which actually admits fear and thus inflames fear as something to hide from, within a game of survival created through laws supporting a system of inequality, and so it spins and spins and this spinning is destroying this earth and life is not being lived.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my very inception was done in fear, as sex is a form of escape within this system of inequality, and a form of entertainment especially for those who lack any self development as life, the poor and most of the masses, where the question should be asked, “ would there be so many children born if all were supported with the basic needs and opportunity in self development as expression as life?”
Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that if the human were given the opportunity for self development, would they not then use common sense within raising children, and would not the means to take responsibility be then realized and what children born would be done with common sense and awareness instead of within ignorance and a seeking of release from fear?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that these considerations for self development as life, would also be considerate of the children produced within how humans function within reproduction.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I was conceived in fear, where the adult/human that bore me, was not even aware of themselves would this not have an effect on the very physical as what I am, here?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that with my own children, when they were young I was extremely wary of what they were exposed to, and moved within judgement to supposedly protect them from what I determined as non supportive influences, and within this I was often anxiousand fearful.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have looked at the whole structure of what is here, as the financial system, as the way products are produced and the options available , many of which makes sense but are not even employed because they cannot be patented or owned, thus indicating that there was something wrong with this present system and in consideration of this, how would this effect every inch and aspect of what was physically here on this earth?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have blamed and judged what was around me within the morality of right and wrong placed onto objects instead of actually looking at the action and the behavior, and the product and speaking within common sense of what would be best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have been so afraid when I was in Thailand and Singapore with my children, for fear they would be kidnapped, that this was all I could think of, and thus I did not stop and LOOK at why the whole picture of this, as my fear, and the drives of such behaviors as kidnapping children, even existed, where it was not until I found my husband hanging from a rope, that I stood there as asked, why does this exist, this cannot be life”?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that what must be done is a total understanding of this present system and how it usesmoney - the representation of life sustaining resources this money as a tool not being what is wrong, but the means with which this money moves in and as beliefs that one thing on this planet is more than another, where such losses of people and things in our lives need not exist if life was realized as the value and thus supported as such, where waiting for someone else to stand is not going to change this inequality creating abuse system as capitalism/monopolyism, my tantrums of blame an abdication of myself as life, where if this is what the human is, then each of us are not being responsible as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that life is not fear, unless i accept and allow this to be what is here, and within this if I allow myself to cling to what appears to diminish my fear, such as alcohol, drugs, sex, entertainment - of which politics has become, a form of entertainment, as anything that does not develop common sense is an entertainment of placing hope to then lead into despair which are all SELF accepted energetic, as what energy is, separation from self/myself standing and being responsible in common sense of what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very starting point of myself was of fear, where the solution was always/allways to look in common sense of what is actually physically here, where this was not what was taught, myself directing myself in common sense of what is actually physically real, here, breathing and instead I was taught to take on the cares of presentations of myself to serve a monopoly of self interest, itself promoting all that excites this fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take this all personally, where i cannot possibly take care of this systemic inequality alone, as it was built within fearof the many, and thus must be cleared up by the many as the human standing and realizing that the only solution is to stand and realize that life is being owned by fear, each part accepting and allowing this, and the system developed from this a product of the fear of the parts and thus the parts as the human, must realize that common sense has not been taught and is caused by all of us, and thus must we all stand and vote/create/manifest/organize a system of support for life, in common sense, to look see, and understand what is here, to realize ourselves as life, here, where as life we are able to see, understand and exist one and equal to and as what is here as this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my thoughts, emotions and feelings are the expression of my fear, and my wants, needs and desires are the “more thans” that I believe will elevate me above my fears, and my me-mor-ies are what will show me what not to follow and/or what to follow to hide from myself as life, to support myself within my fear, which means that these actions are myself in lack of self responsibility and self honesty as what I am as the gift of life, right here freely given, all I have to do is forgive my creation of characters and personifications of what I believe I am, to realize myself as life, this that cannot be lost.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that such back chat as inner voices of such derogatory statement such as “ what an idiot, how could they be so stupid,” or “ how could that woman possibly have left that boy with a man who she knew had beaten that boy before!” or “ Why don’t these people “get a life”” or “ This person lacks self responsibility and is causing all of us to have controls placed on us because of laziness”, not seeing realizing and understanding that such “mind” statements are simply myself not being responsible for looking at what would develop such a life form on this earth, as obviously, if self direction is what some are, than this lack of self responsibility has not been what was taught, because this state can be what the human is, it is simply opportunity that is lacking, yet a system of inequality needs alcoholics, sex addicts, ignorance to allow pedestals of inequality to continue.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I fear being what that person is in fact, I fear looking at my own lack of responsibility, and if I look within myself I would see realize and understand this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that many of my reactions are based on avoiding facing being responsible for myself as life, as I choose what will enable myself to survive instead of looking in common sense at the very form of the present system.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, and to realize the amount of constriction within and as my human physical body, how much I actually cringe in fear with every ounce of my physical self.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all disease is a lack of common sense.

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Day 163 Reactions within Confusion

Day 163 Reactions within confusion
A memory coming up of having a fever. I must have been in 4th or 5th grade. I was placed in an air-conditioned room to, I guess, keep me cool. My fever was so high there were people coming out of the air conditioner. Ugly, screaming people, clawing and attempting to get me, or so this was my perception. I woke up today with a sense of distortion as myself. Like one want/desire/need being some kind of a distortion, where a sense of myself had all manner of shapes, like I was one major distortion as the character of myself, this was like things coming out of the air conditioner. The mind is like a visual air conditioner, a condition of distortion. Anger and righteousness more reaction, a protest only, in a bubble, no solution- and we are trained to be this, we accept this. Fear and anger being distortion of reality, reactive within protection and defense, ignoring direction, blinded by having judgement from a photograph of limited detail/awareness as what a photo would be in separation from actual physical reality, it is how we anthropomorphize what is here, and create cartoon characters of exaggeration, bringing out selective characteristics, making some bigger than others and thus distorting reality. Our Rumpelstiltskins are the ones left behind, attempting to survive, to be remembered within society, and they are never going to go away, as they are aspects of our behavior as the distortion. Avoidance is ignorance, and what is ignored does not suddenly disappear, it cannot, it is nature ignored within the distortion made in anthropomorphism, in selecting limited qualities and trying to force them into singular expressions. Thus avoidance is resistance, and resistance persists, as the division is a whole, no happy face, as positive facade, can hide a value diminished as less than, ignored, judged.
In becoming behaviors in and as reactions, energetically, protection and defense of survival build walls of separation, it is like a self anthropomorphism, a distortion, a fantasy escape of justification from reality. Protection and defense as borders around limited qualities that ignore the physical gift of life, a composite of the whole energetic separation, layers of separation individualized and made huge, understood to be what is real, when it is not, it is like self in a fever, the fever being energy, burning and consuming the body, all the while the life within self simply wanting a state of ease, this “state” that is believed must be achieved through rape and pillage, when it is what self is, as self as life, the nature of self as life, right here, with the actual physical world as guide.
Meanwhile, I have fallen, these last days, in worries, in morality. I have lead myself, as a single mother, through stopping and telling myself that the answer is right here in front of me, and usually I have to calm down to see the answer, slow way down. This is always here, and must be modeled. The nature of life must be modeled, perhaps it is the only way, as this is the way to learn. Those violin teachers that directed and never judged, modeled, they would pick up their instruments and play, model, physically show. And the ones that did this were the ones that had mastered playing.
Slowing down and breathing is stopping the distortion.
In confusion, I am fused with the distortion and I can no longer see what is actually physically here, as I am looking for answers within the distortion; a distortion difficult to name as it morphes what is real, and perpetually changes, like a mirage on the horizon in hot weather.
we, the human are like walking anthropomorphized ideas, beliefs and opinions, totally separate from reality, from the physical, naturally there can be no answers here. This is limited, and separate from reality, the actual physical.
That child is a child and not a sex object.
As a child I was being taught distortion, and not equality and oneness with what was physically real, here, given freely to express life.
I was looking for answers and means to support myself within the distortion, as the behaviors as words surrounding me were one and the same as myself as my behavior of confusion, words supporting the distortion that were what was taught to my parents and their parents, this the continuation of the fever as mind as energy in separation from this physical, actual world of support.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to win something, as in having an understanding with my parents as a child, ignoring the actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my confusion was just as I called it, named it, telling me what i was, as what I was accepting and allowing, attempting to be and become the very distortion, meaning separation from common sense of this actual physical world, where this sense of the physical world, as common sense I had come to believe was something dirty, as this was another reprimand given with the choice of friends, and involvements made and then judged and denigrated by the mind of distortion as I learned to accept the characters as values that fit into the persona of my family, as what held a believed point of survival within a system of separation into more than and less than, that divides and conquers what is freely given by this earth to support life, manifest as a hierarchy of a few having more than what is needed to support themselves as life, ignoring the suffering of other life forms as on this earth, not realizing that no one will become life on this one organism called earth until all are equally supported as life, as who would want parts of an organism that have not considered the whole?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my own distortion of reality, as a survival suit of characters and personas that is a mirage placed on the horizon of this earth, consuming my human physical body, as this distortion is a virus of destruction of what is not one and equal to life, and thus is an act of life protecting itself, removing what is not supportive of the whole, removing what is not one and equal to life as life, and thus what is not aware as life, will not exist as it is in separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to “suck in” myself like a constriction, like a vacuum inward into and as fear, separating myself from here, from this actual physical world, like I am becoming a build of protection and defense as justification to protect what? It really seems that there is nothing there within this action, as it is not directive but myself getting ready to “push back” in defense, based on an idea that is what i have been taught that bears no witness to what is actually real here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I do this all the time, as this is all that I have been, this has become habit and the only way to stop this is to breath and forgive myself in common sense of what is physically actually here, where breath is a kind of reading of what is actually physically here as reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a behavior of protection and defense, bracing myself to protect myself whether passively or actively, two sides of the same coin, where I take on a distorted facade as what has been taught, where if my presentation is not accepted I become confusion and look for answers in the shields taught and within this searching, look for a holy grail to shield myself, and end up in an empty, blank place of no common sense and lose my ground, so removed from what is physically real that I become a blank, and feel confused, the confusion, being blank and feeling like there is no place to go because I am going no where, as I am ignoring the actual physical world and am not breathing and being in common sense of this physical world, the very support and substance of life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even one thought that this cannot be done, is an illusion, is the mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the behavior as what I am being and allowing as having, be a voice as the habit of what I have accepted and allowed as this searching for answers within and as the shields of protection and defense as what I am supposed to do as what was taught, looking to and towards this and believing that common sense is impossible, difficult, irritating, as this does not maintain the mirage as the distortion and the fantasy as mind as the separation from life in common sense of this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that knowledge and information is just this, and as this cannot have any sense of this actual physical world, where knowledge and information is no sounding, physical substantive sounding, sensing of what is actually here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ignore the layers of facade as energy masking acceptance of the physical, as energetic highs hiding a low, as the low is resistance of the whole, is ignorance of what is actually physically here, as limited values are what is accepted.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there will be no life until all humans realize common sense, until all that is of this earth is cared for as life, as this is the value, and that the mind of separation will be reactive and protest, ignore and blame, avoid and deny as it clings to a happy face, as supposed positive energy even until the last ounce of energy is burned off with no more support as this is the nature of clinging to an idolized value as being more than something else, a delusion ignoring what is actually here in totality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no real pretty “happy face way” to face reality here, where I realize that my fear, as what I am within standing within and as confusion, is wanting to find some polite/happy/easy/ pleasant way to reveal that reality is not what is being respected and treated as life, the forgiving of self in gratefulness and thanks for the value that is here which is life, that which must be what is realized for all that exists on this earth, a life of dignity, where there is absolutely no excuse, non what so ever that any form of neglect and abuse of any single one thing on this planet is justifiable, as that is insanity in self interested gain with out equal consideration of all life. Period.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my confusion is simply an escape from reality, a “not wanting to look”, a wanting to be “nice “ about what has been accepted and allowed as ignorance of what is in fact real, which is this physical world.

I commit myself to speaking up about how the “positive - supposed “happy face” is the crime of ignorance against life,
I commit myself to asking the question as to what a happy face will do for the children who suffer from lack of food, lack of education, lack, as a with-holding of freely given resources on earth, of shelter just so some can cover the rot of their bodies under make-up and opulence unnecessary and unexpressive of any kind of equal communication with all the life that is of this earth.
I commit myself to realize that the ONLY thing a truth will hurt is a self interested ego, as this is what ego is in fact, set of limited values clung to in a limited belief that one thing is more than another, when this is the illusion, an illusion that cannot even communicate with all that is here that is life, having no understanding of life, as, if such an understanding of life exist, then no abuse in any form would be what is here on earth, that this indicates the presence of separation and lack of self awareness as life, in oneness and equality with life as the very substance of what all that is here consists of and exists as. Period.
I commit myself to no longer fearing the avoidance tactics of ego, the resistance of what persists and compounds as abuse, as what is ignored on this earth, blatant abusive ignorance, hiding behind -, avoiding what is negative as though this is going to make this world a better place, which is total irresponsibility and ignorance, contained within all self pitying statements as “I do the best I can”.
I commit myself to realizing that when I become confused and blank within seeking a response, where I physically feel like I am condensing in some way, I am in fact looking for some pretty way of speaking up, as facing telling the truth is what I fear, looking at what is actually physically here, as I might be called more of the same as what an ego would answer, the very same words I heard as a child, that i am impossible, difficult and irritating, because in the end, being in common sense of life here, is extremely irritating to the limited self interests of the idols as values distorted and made more than other values, when what is not one and equal as what is realized is that the value is life.

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Day 142 Primary and secondary associations, self intimacy with the physical

Intime221L:R#030 (Photo credit: Torn Intime)

English: Intimacy 2.0 fashion by Studio Roosegaarde (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 142

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate being a woman, with images I encountered as a child, in a big red picture book, of black and white photos of a man and a woman exhibiting sexual positions, where my initial exposure to sex, was that it was something done between a man and a woman being physical together, where this book was more educational than pornographic.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that from this book I developed an idea, from these pictures, that being physical involved a woman and a man.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being naked happened in the presence of a man, and that being self intimate physically involved the union of a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated from myself physically through the idea that physical intimacy involved a man and a woman.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this book, this big red book, was about sex between a man and a woman, and not about being self intimate with one’s physical self.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self intimacy with one’s physical, involves becoming aware of self in totality, becoming intimate with how the mind works, how emotions and feelings and thoughts are self in separation from self as idea, belief and opinion, where images discovered as a child, in a world that did little to develop self awareness as self equal and one to one’s physical body are indirect representations and not self actually, specifically becoming aware of one’s physical body, thus must this be walked and learned, self intimacy with self, equal and one to one’s physical body, as though self as the physical is an instrument of life, and thus needs no images to stimulate self expression as life, enslaved to ideas as a relationship signifying life, such as mind images as a stimulant, where self has not even learned to express as self as life as the physical, thus has self as life never been expressed, where it is like the human has not learned of itself, and only follows superficial, unsatisfactory behavioral indoctrinated images of past generation as memory, so evident as what exists presently on this earth, as porn, child sexual abuse, animal abuse, isolation, impotency, aging, ill health etc. etc. etc.

When and as I find myself wanting to have sex, I realize this is a program, as idea, based on my past, and is not who I am, as I have never become intimate with and as what i am as this human physical body and that this intimacy does not necessitate the addition of a male, where how can one be intimate with another until one is intimate with self?

I commit myself to breathing, remaining here, developing self intimacy in equality and oneness to myself as life in and as this physical body.

I commit myself to breathing, here, and becoming aware of myself , one and equal to my human physical body, realizing that any images and pictures, ideas or beliefs as to what I am, as images from my past based on ideals, taught by a society lacking self intimacy, are a separation from myself becoming aware of myself as life, one and equal to the physical, that which is real.

I commit myself to realizing that becoming intimate with myself as life, must be done, this that was not developed within a system of inequality and thus enslavement of the physical to serve self interest of a few, as an understanding of self as life, one and equal, would realize equality.

I commit myself to breathing, self forgiving all thoughts, emotions and feelings, as these are the ideas, beliefs, and opinions collected from the past, within a society of inequality, that presents secondary heresy imagery and not direct physical awareness development of self as life, respecting the physical as what is real, as an instrument of life with which to express life, as this is the value.

I commit myself to breathing here, to self forgive this secondary information, and to walk as self within what i am as life, this being the primary information as what is real, as what is the value, equal and one to the principle of oneness and equality, to give as one would like to receive, to be able to walk in anyone’s shoes here on this earth, to orchestrate heaven on earth, beginning with self becoming self intimate, the primary source, the gift given, the value,  my self as life.

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Day 64 Perpetual Jury Duty

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dread having jury duty in August.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of doom and gloom about having to go to jury duty.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand that this gloom and doom feeling that causes a general feeling of stagnant movement in and as my human physical body, where I feel tired and want to run away from this, yet knowing there is no place to go as I must face this, is myself here not wanting to place myself into realizing where and how I am existing in perpetual jury duty in and as the very constructed personality that I exist as here within a system of “create a persona” to survive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand  that the judge is my personality, and thus how I am on jury duty, placing blame and spite on anything that threatens the system of me, the protection of myself within a system of inequality that is created by the human, the only animal that pays to live on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that my dread of jury duty is one and the same as my dread of facing my own accepted and allowed spite and blame, self protection mechanism, constructed of all that I have been exposed to through family and education, and a voice - as media and politics - intent on gaining more than others, themselves blind to themselves as life, where the whole consumerist presentation is to mislead and entrap into a superficial existence where the outcome is the chasing of desires that are never fulfilled, as the illusion is just this, an illusion and of no substance, evident in the fact that this system does not consider the physical world, that which is real, seen in the destruction and disregard of the state of this planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize I need not fear the juror on duty in and as my self, as this is really a fear of standing up and redirecting myself, taking all the judgements and “rulings” back to myself and directing myself as what is best for all, keeping myself stable in and as my human physical body utilizing breath and self forgiveness, through writing and corrective application to stop the juror as the persona - this voice of separation and thus fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a picture of how I am supposed to be as I drive around, not realizing that these projections and desires are all based on role play and have nothing to do with actually being here.

I, for example, forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this morning, seen a couple walking together and thinking “how nice this looked” where it is not that this is nice or not  nice, it is that this is not the only way to be, and that I remember feeling that this was lost when my husband was dead, thus do I have a sadness based on a belief -as an idea of how things are supposed to be- that I must match that idea as picture, thus do I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I desire to be a “couple”, which if I look is a fuzzy picture as image only and not myself being here realizing all of existence and only living in a singular idea of what life is or is not, where i can become bitter should i not have this, where the society in which I live, avoids the single woman, because of this idea of how people on this earth should appear, where what is real, a human being as an expression of life is what is real, and the fears of a woman having sex with a man, a husband, where it is believed that a single woman is a threat to a marriage, does not consider that it takes two, and does not consider that if the human cannot control their sexual “cravings” then the human has not been developed, and that the society in which we live, propagates sexual action all over the place, and that the solution is not to hide from this or avoid this but to stand up and realize why this exists and to support a solution that stops this as there is nothing else, and sitting and waiting for someone else to do this, or to be the act of blame and only talking about how horrible this is, will do nothing to change this that is unacceptable and shows that the human has no directive capacity and thus is not self expressing self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become righteous about all of this, to not realize that this will take myself becoming stable and speaking up again and again and again, where I will receive the voice of spite, the jury of the persona of justification  and that I cannot fear this, and instead see it for what it is and take it apart piece by piece until it is done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize the depth of constriction the jury as the personality of myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be is resonant within and as myself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I often had a red light come on when I was told what to do, where my mind is my self telling my self what to do, where this voice of what to do is the voice of a system supporting separation and it is not to outright reject but to realize, using the principle of equality, to bring back to myself as life and not as what I am supposed to look like and be a presentation as, and direct as what is best for all, where often if I do this in conversation I will be received with irritation as what is best for all has not been what the human has existed as and thus will be rejected as what has been accepted and allowed is the human on jury duty blaming and spiting in order to survive, as the system on earth is a system of survival, where the human is the only animal that pays to live on this earth, this unconditionally giving earth.

When and as I have a feeling of dread and doom and gloom come up, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I am fearing facing what has been accepted and allowed, and a deep nauseousness ensues, where I feel like I want to through up, which is how I felt when I found my dead husband, and how I feel when I see this new man in town that walks with a tremble as he has some degenerative disease and it makes me feel sick to my stomach when I see it, and this has happened all my life, where I am drawn to this wondering what the fuck this is, and at the same time repelled, like it some kind of discordant “thing” which is probably why I an a destonian, as I sense something is not right about this world.

 When and as I become a feeling of doom and gloom and general malaise I stop and I breath, and I remember what i just wrote, because it is making me feel better, where this can be cleaned up and forgiven through a process where the life that is here on this earth can become the principle of oneness in equality, a living breathing, self directed expression of life, as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to cleaning up all the personas I have accepted and allowed, as the persona, the personification of myself to fit into a system of survival, creating competition and greed as the movement of men on an unconditionally giving earth, through writing, self forgiveness and corrective application and speaking what sounds what is best for all in and as every breath here, realizing that spite and blame, within and without are the dust of separation and not the composition of a life fully lived, where any and all disease is a reflection of life lacking ease as dis-ease as the stagnant flow of life in full expression.

I commit myself to realizing that there exists a judge and a jury, means that the human has not been developed in and as that which is here, that which is what we as life are composed of, that which is right here as us which means the very substance as what we are has not been developed within and as us, to be the directive of ourselves, this that is the creation of life, this physical world that we ignore and believe ourselves to be greater than, when disease exists and thus  not in equality with life especially when best practices are known and blocked in the name of greed, which unless we stand and stop as a collective, this will be what continues as the sins of the fathers onto the children of this earth.

TIme for Equal Money. 

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Day 55 Consumerist sex is not physical intimacy.

Day 55 Consumerist sex is not physical intimacy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I must be feminine to get a man. to have a man

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe the images in and as my mind that I must dress the part of the female to get a man

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the voice in and as my mind tell me that I am supposed to have a man.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not attractive enough for men, which is why I do not have  a man, when I do not dress the part and men have told me I need to “dress the part” more than I do, when I feel fake when I do this.

I forgive myself for not having listened to myself when a question came up that I asked which was “why do I need to have a man.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sometimes go and look in magazines and at other women to measure myself next to them when I feel that I am lacking something because I do not have a man, when another part of me asks myself the question, “why do I need a man.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have developed a persona of bitterness about not having a man, about being bitter that men as ego, want what supports their ego and I am bitter about this when i feel that I am not seen, not having realized that the being of self as ego sees only its own desire, which is superficial, and even if having some “depth” is still ego and the nature of ego is to see only its limited idol as idea, a picture presentation of no insight and thus what is here will never match the image as idea as idol as picture in and as the representation of ego, built by accepted and allowed ideas according to culture, race, class, money, fear, envy, idea, self personification.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see how limited the mind is in fact, how it has nothing to do with common sense of this physical world, and in its very limitation in total separation from life, thus from self as life, and thus, with such a man, there can be no consideration of self as life, and so no consideration or enjoyment of myself as a woman and how my human physical body works and thus no sexual enjoyment, as the man will move as image, watching his dick move, avoiding intimacy physically, wanting the radio on, being absent after sex as the seeing of himself as what has been accepted and allowed as himself would be too overwhelming, as if to allow vulnerability would mean he was no longer a manly man, which means the man is so in his ego head, the female cannot possibly have a fulfilling sexual experience, so ego sex is meaningless and useless and not worth the effort of time as it is not real, and will show up with the appearance of herpes sores on the mouth, as herpes is an indication of mind sex.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that physical intimacy with myself , becoming aware of myself physicall,y necessitates the company of a man.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that physical intimacy has nothing to do with any image, any idea, any combination of man, or image, of outside “thing” as being intimate with myself as being aware, one and equal to my self as my human physical body has nothing to do with the way sex is presented by the consumerist society.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and understand that when I stand and stare at a woman or a man, and “fluff” myself up like a rooster, I am in fact abusing that object I allow to create desire in and as my human self, as my thoughts are real, and to project as my mind ideas and desires for another is to abuse the life that is me, and the life I re-view through and as my mind, as I render the object less than life, and turn the physical life into a picture to titillate myself in and as the idea of my self as my mind, thus is the very existence of myself as mind/picture desire/want/and need abuse of life, and limitation of myself into obsession and possession of image, and image is separation from this physical world, as simple and as plain as that, in all common sense, thus mind is an addiction separate from this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask my self how this image in and as my mind is being generated, where this image in and as my mind must use something to generate its “lights,” just as a television needs something to generate images, so does my mind, and that perhaps it is my human physical body that generates this mind imagery, this separation from being directive with the ability of my human physical body to sense directly, and that this separation into mind imagery is perhaps consuming my human physical body, just as the tele consumes electricity, where my human physical body actually also has an electrical flow, and that perhaps this is how the images in and as my mind are generated, thereby sucking my human physical body dry, turning my hair white, bending my back, wrinkling my skin until I am old and immobile, all because I followed false images of one dimension in and as my mind, images collected and built by a world believing mind imagery to be real, where all I leaned was to memorize and follow the mind and not to use and be one and equal to my human physical body here, in and as breath, where it will take an effort to clean up the image shit I have collected throughout my self, and thus to clean up the very being of myself here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that if I had satisfactory sex, then I would not need to be obsessed and possessed with needing to have sex, and thus that there is so much image display pertaining to sex all over this world, the human is clearly not satisfied sexually.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that just as with sexual imagery and thus energy within as pictures generated to stimulate, so too am I an image maker when I worry about the future, when I fear my neighbor, when I move my self in and as beliefs and ideas about what I need be, as image to survive, as it is all based on personification and thus image, followed in and as mind, which means I am generating conscious imagery, just like a television, and if I were to look I would find these images mimic what exists as propagated by the consumerist world, a world that has no consideration for this earth, a world that stages world meetings and events in the name of problem resolution, yet the abuse of earth continues and there is another staged event, which clearly shows that the “staged” events for world peace, or environmental concerns are in fact just a drama to placate those concerned and the masses because if actual physical change occurred, then there would not be a need for another staged problem acknowledgement and resolution event, so evil is the nature of a profit based system.

I commit my self to stopping my mind of imagery through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to stop the television show in and as my mind.

I commit myself to realizing that the moment I find myself in a alternate reality day dream of comparison that I have become addicted to the images in and as my mind, and that chemically my body is habituated to the chemistry of my highs and lows associated with gain and loss within a profit based system that has developed a consumerist society.

I commit my self to stopping the accepted and allowed television in and as my mind, as it turns me into a machine that makes me equal and one to what is presently allowed on this earth, as the earth is being consumed without consideration for this physical world, in and as ways that sustain and use what is here in common sense of how this physical world works, within this, just as this earth is being consumed, so is my human physical body.

I commit myself to stopping the mind and bringing myself back to my human physical body, to walk in common sense with and as the physical, to direct myself one and equal to the physical, as what is best for all is best for self one and equal to the physical, and then to stand within the directive principle of what is best for all, as in giving as one would like to receive, as in loving my neighbor as myself, to begin to create a world that includes this physical earth and all that is here equal and one as life.

I commit myself to remaining vigil, in and as breath, as remaining vigilant in and as breath is, in placing myself here, holding a vigil to life as there is no other choice.

I commit myself to exposing how the consumerist hype reflects the personification of myself in and as the image and response - as back chat- as my mind that is myself in separation of life, a limited design that has not included this physical world.

I commit myself to voicing  how the beliefs propagated by profiteering broadcasters have no common sense of this physical world and are in fact contrary to this physical world, so evident in the abuse that exists on this earth, to soil, plant, animal, human, air, water, organisms, life, that there is no other choice but to stop this physical human walking in an alternate reality in and as their minds, where what the human seeks is oneness and equality with this earth, to actually physically live, where the solution is to become one and equal to the physical, to birth life into and one with the physical.

I commit my self to reading self forgiveness blogs for twenty one days, and to suspend everything I believe, to stand back to look, to see, to watch, the behavior of myself and the people I am directly involved with, to stand back and to breath, to watch the news, to pay attention to events internationally, and locally, to stand back and suspend what I am, using breath, to look objectively at what is here, to begin to realize the patterns and separations existent on earth that when viewed begin to have myself developing questions, where the questioning is myself realizing that there is a lack on common sense being utilized in this world, where I can clearly see the desteni message is a description of what I am, and that this is the proof, easy for me to see realize and understand and thus validate for myself, as the message is of common sense as life, and this is what I am if I stop and breath and allow myself to be this, as this is here, and not the mind.

Masturbation

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The Structural Resonance