Day 538 Self Forgiveness Arguing Limitations

 Yesterday I had a lot of back chat coming up. I would notice this and then find myself in another scenario, an imagination in my mind. Each time, I was like a victim, but arguing, as in justifying my stance. It went from explaining things to a family member, which I forgave and then stopped, only to find the same thing happening about a disagreement with a neighbor.  I forgave this, and then I went into a “ what if” scenario. By the evening, I began to notice this pattern within myself, myself the victim and the world needing something explained. 

At the moment I have some decisions to make that are taking some time. And, I am learning how to speak with others in ways that I have not directed myself within using a specific kind of structure. Within this, what is interesting is that my music background keeps popping up. I begin to see everything like a movement. Like a multidimensional movement, and then I want to explain all of this. But there, within this, remains this defensive approach, as my patterns are showing me, my starting point is from myself believing i am a victim, which means I am not standing equal to what I am presenting, because there remains this sense of not being understood, or being a victim, which also means that I feel inferior, incapable, which in turn means that I believe I hold something superior. The polarity game spinning around as an argument, imagination in and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to come from a starting point as a belief that i am a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an idea that i am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood based on a past, where, perhaps this is from when I was a child and did not have the vocabulary, the inner measure as the words to explain myself in ways that were clear, and even if I did, as I was a child, that perhaps the adults would not have heard me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want another to stand equal to me in understanding as a starting point, instead of standing equal and one to and as the words and measure of description that I am communicating.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use communication from a starting point of accusation, in a protection and defense manner, which make the matter that I am focused on a point of fear with an imagination of  an idea as a gain, and as such a fear of loss, of failure, instead of  common sense , here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it takes time to reform and transform misinformation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self blame, when and as I have not had an outcome that matched an expectation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, carry the past with me, and fear an outcome that does not meet the expectations I expect.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then go into a self expectation that impossibility exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the misinformation of judgement within and as me, which I have accepted and allowed, is too much, is too deep, is a lot, that it is impossible for me to ever clear this up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am mis-understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I have been saying something, over and over again for two years, and it appears that i can get no one to hear me, and that the fault of this is that I have too much cognitive dissonance that it is impossible for me to be able to reach others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe , within this, that I am a hopeless case, as others have come and are in the leadership position, because I could not speak in ways that allowed others to be equal in understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel so confused, because I had stood in front of a group of children and thought to change the very fabric of their understanding, and what I walked with them had an immense effect, to such a degree that the reactions of the adults was one of silence, and here I am having moved into more understanding of this, and still, I have not been able to reach anyone, even when I practiced what i preach - so to speak, with positive results.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I stand in from of a mass of movement, and still I am not heard, within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have such a thought.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel frustrated when I do not even get some kind of response from another, and to have the thought that this is what is happening.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand within this that I can only be here, that a cup is a cup, and a word is a measure of here, and that this is the value of the word, in that it is a unit of measure of here, as it can really be nothing other than this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the emotional/feeling movement within and as me, is myself not being equal and one here, as I can only address what is the state of measure, within and without here, and that it takes time to balance out misinformation which means walking this in thought word and deed again and again until it is done.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that the fabric as the world around me, and the movement as mind as men, gives its separation away as the words spoken, and as such can be realigned in common sense of what has been accepted and allowed, in a world where men exist as energy as idea , impulsed for generations within a system of each human abdicating the within as life into limited measures of awareness of space and time, and as such creating a separation from functioning in equality with practical reality,  as the starting point was an idea of a more than, where the memory within and as the inner structure of the human, is a me sure as a me more, as a value judgement of the within picture being more real that the without reality that is what allows that within to exist, thus it is for me to stand here, within and as what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, and to see, realize and understand that in arguing my limitations, I am, as a whole, not standing equal and one here.

Day 359 The lesser self: thoughts as beliefs.

One of the things i noticed when I realize I projected a lesser self to fit in because i feared being myself was a thought that “ I don” know where to go” and then I allowed this to become huge and thereby making the thought as a belief as a problem another means of not facing here.

Within this, there are tools: a principle of what is best for all, common sense, self forgiveness of the limitations accepted as belief opinion and idea and the correction of this into what would be best for all that is here on earth, to investigate and use what supports all life, as being that which is good.

THis is another thought dimension of what lead to a lesser self that I accepted and allowed because I feared being self honest, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being myself here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i do not know where to go, to have the thought that I do no know where to go within moving myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anxious within the idea that i do not know where to go here in and as this being myself not using my common sense of what works and what does not work in relation to actually physically moving myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself here, to not see, realize and understand through self forgiveness and self corrective application within the principle of what is best for all what i reject within and as allowing myself to become a judgement of one thing being more than another and thus allowing myself to believe that something can be lost and as such rejecting the life that is here, that is the substance of what is here as a gift of life, thus there is nothing here that is less than and so to be feared, what is here that is abusive is a consequence of and from a starting point of judgement as one thing being more than another, thus the abuse on earth, and the abuse I have allowed within limiting myself as life, is a separation from life, an ignorance of life, where I have hidden from myself as the disease of reaction to life within judgement within one thing being more than another separating from a directive principle as myself as life and as such allowing myself to lose an ease with life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I project as guide is what I reject and seek which consumes me, which is my own accepted and allowed separation that then consumes my attention as I seek this that i have separated within myself believing this to be what i lack, and what i am as how I label myself is the limitation that I stubbornly refuse to let go, or align within and as life here, as I believed a lesser self would enable survival, as hiding from myself meant I did not have to face what I feared which was myself and what I had accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how in taking the low road or the high road I was in fact diminishing myself as life here believing there was such a choice where the only road was that which included all life, which is a principle as that which is best for all, as this includes all life and thus does not diminish life in any way, for which my human physical body is a means to become one and equal within and as walking the only road to life, as life, being one and equal here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that such a task is impossible that I cannot become one and equal with and as life here, as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be limited, as though being equal and considerate of what is here would mean the loss of myself here, when this is just the opposite of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the consumerist platform feeds my lesser self, my diminished self, my “ I don’t want to face myself as life here “ self” as this means taking the steps necessary to understand life here in the physical, to learn to direct myself equal and one with and as my physical body and this physical existence, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe what is sold by consumerism as this is a directive within a lesser means of expression, limited within dimension and awareness of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase an idea of a more than believing that there is no hope for mankind as man ignores the natural world in placing profit before life, which is a total disrespect for life, a total disregard for life, a total lack in sensibility of the physical which means a total separation from the very substance in and as what we are, what supports us which means I have not learned to use and be what i am as life as the starting substance that is the very building expression of what i am here, which is to say, if I am not equal and one within being aware of this how can I understand life, understand the physical, thus my lack of understanding is equal to my separation from life here, is equal to the lessening of myself as life as what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there have been times in myself when I changed in an instant from reaction as anger to suddenly realizing that such anger was pointless as it served no purpose, and within this I became calm and much more directive thus emotional reactions based on ideas, on morality, are a delusion as this is believing one thing to be more than another, an idea made into a label, an idol, a false “ god” as what is here, as the physical and how the physical world works is only that which is real, and thus what is here right in front of me as the physical is what can only be dealt with as myself being here, considering what supports here as the physical absolutely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe myself to be a victim, as this is a fear that something can be lost, and if I look I remain, here, and thus the only choice is to direct myself within and as what is best for all here.

Day 241 Consequence Dimension : Victim Chaaracter

Consequences Dimension : Victim Character
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of my separation into and as more than and less than, as emotions and feelings following an image of myself no longer being a relationship of togetherness with my friend, as the image of myself standing separate from the object of my friend, as though I have been divided into a part with the loss of my friend, as I stand before a friend sitting with a new group of friends in/as a reaction of myself believing something has been lost, as emotional judgements of less than intensifying to a judgement of more than, are myself in separation from what is real as the physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to simply see, realize and understand with the movement of the physical world around me, what in fact was reality, where my friend was maturing into a woman and was moving towards girls moving through the same experience, where within this had I looked at the structure, as the form of society within the divisions into and as groups and the beliefs of what is of greater and lesser value as behavior within and as class, and gender, as what - especially at this young age, what appears to gather more attention, more bling, more following, more excitement, more security within and as a group, which the childhood relationship that I had had with my friend appeared small and insignificant within the larger school as we had moved from town organized elementary school into regional middle schools, and within this I took this change personally, clinging to a past and not looking to the whole, and, also, within this, instead of existing as emotions - which are self interested movements of myself as illusion, as judgement, seeing only that something was lost, and probably being aware of the changes going on developmentally around me, I felt lost as I was not developing in this way at the time, thus I was only seeing what was being made huge, as the forming groups in middle school, where even those that realize the changes tended to not want to be with what was not cool as this was all that was seen, and within this rejected others of like status as the only status seen, a behavior that fit into what is made of more import than life within the media and family, which is to say that these qualities do not exist but that this is not all that exists, as there are many values, as qualities existent within men and this earth, thus to ignore some and make others huge, denies life, and creates a mono of the poly, as style, mannerisms, presentations as assumptions without practical sustainability or consideration of what is supportive of all life in and as the physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how becoming a victim within this supposed loss, was myself clinging to an idea, as what a past relationship existed as, and the context and the construct of a society created by man that has selected ideas and values presented to signify what enables survival within this collectively accepted system of selective and thus limited values as roles/tolls taken on and performed within what will bring more attention, within this context of middle school, where other values are left on the fringes, and as the human child has not been taught to develop themselves as life, and all that is presented is limited values catering to a system of profit, not understanding how the physical and the mind in fact function, in a world that suggests, as presented through media and family values, a system of survival and not a system that respects and works with what is real, this physical world, that which the human is one and equal to, and what it is that supports the human, the physical as this is life, equal and one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am a victim within this, to not see, realize and understand myself as life, equal and one as the substance as the mass of myself as a physical being, and thus to move myself equal and one as this physical in consideration of being equal as the same substance as the physical as myself as life, that which is the starting point of reality and the gift as life, here.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, to stop and recognize value judgements as what i have been taught and the memories of myself as the past being points where I separated from the physical into and as judgement of more than and less than, ignoring how the physical world in fact functions, where I applied myself as energy as judgement of more than and less than, ignoring the physical through allowing limited values to become greater than life, thus was I separate from a self directed principle as myself as life, here.
I commit myself to , breathing, to realizing that the physical is one and equal to and as me, and thus that what is real is what is here within this moment of breath, here.
I commit myself to bringing myself back here, in and as breath.
I commit myself to realize how the judgements I have accepted and allowed, being values of more than and less than, are based on fear of loss within a system of survival, as consequence of an initial separation from being equal and one as life, here, by each and every human, that have become, through habitual being as mind as myself, emotional feeling bodies, which are collections of judgements lived as a directive again and again and again, to within this stop and breath, to bring myself back here equal and one to what is real, the physical.
I commit myself to becoming aware of myself as the physical, to sense when there is a movement of myself, as a sinking down - so to speak- from my head and chest into my lower back, to stop and to breath and to realize what i am doing within my mind that creates this energetic movement within and as myself, to equalize myself to here, and walk as life, equal and one to what is physically here, where life is fluid and not this distinctly oscillating presence, as what fear and anxiety exist as within and as the physical, where - come to think of it- animals don’t do this, where yesterday I experienced an example of this, as I was in a store I frequent, and the woman, as she talked with me, I noticed was shaking really minutely, and from here I noticed her breathing, which was shallow and uneven - so to speak, and so as I payed for my purchase, I noticed her mother was absent, so as I walked out, I stopped and asked her where her mother was, and she said she had been up in the city at the major hospital with her mother, who had been found to have a tumor on her spine, and with this questioning, the store owner, this woman, started to tell the story, all the while continuing to be a behavior of agitation and a shortness of breath, so I explained how her breathing and the absence of her mother had lead me to ask her if everything was okay with her/here, and then I said to her, to slow down and to breath, and to stand up straight, and she did, and the effect was immediate, she slowed down and the agitation diminished, and suddenly, there was like a more fluid movement within and as her, and the look on her face, was of surprise, and she looked at me and said, “ oh my god!”, thank you! ( which was nice!) and she also said that her whole body started to tingle and that she suddenly felt much better, which was cool, but this just goes to show that we as humans, get caught up in our fears to the extent that we separate from ourselves as life, breathing , here, and that we as humans are able, to self realize what we are allowing ourselves to exist as within into and as fear, and how through breath we can slow ourselves down and become more calm and fluid - so to speak, and thus direct ourselves to walk through the consequences we have allowed within existing within separation from what is real, the physical.

Related articles

• Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character
• Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character
• Day 237 Internal Conversations/Back Chat Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 238 Reaction Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Day 240 Fear Dimension : Victim Character

Fear Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become fear, in and as a belief that I had lost something within the changes happening within my friend.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that I was left alone, as I no longer had a friend, someone who was “special” to me and defined me within arelationship as this was in separation from realizing myself equal to all that was within my environment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that such a relationship protected me, where this is really a fuzzy, ambiguous idea, based on judgements of more than and less than, that I was not something or someone unless I had a specific friend to call my own, creating a separation from all the other life existent around me and an ignorance of the form and function in and as the physical world and the changes as transformations existent within life expression, where this is to be enjoyed and understood, realized and moved with to expand in awareness in life in expression as creation, where this is the joy, in common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself in relation to one other person, not seeing realizing and understanding a change in expression, where this change was not something to fear- even within this change being motivated within a system as capitalism, as profit, being limited values directing, but to see, realize and understand that change exists and thus not only can the human change the present system of limited values, as energy, but also, that this system of limited values ignores the total physical world in equality and oneness as this being life, thus it is to walk from the separation from being within as limited values as what manifests energetic insubstantial expression , but also to realign with the actual real, physical world, to expand in awareness of how life, as earth in fact functions, to becoming equal and one with self as life, which can only happen within focusing ourselves HERE, as HERE is where the physical exists, utilizing breath to “read” the physical world as life substance and, let this go - to not cling to in self definition in fear of loss as this is what we are, and to move within this here, equal and one as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to this change, as a loss, believing myself to be victim, as I projected a belief that I was less than, having lost a relationship, where no relationship was lost, as life remained, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated myself from life, into and as believing myself to be a victim.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared standing without the comfort of a supposed “best friend” where I believed that without a best friend I was somehow lacking.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared that I had no value or meaning because I no longer had a best friend.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself in relation to having a best friend , or not having a best friend.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that having a “best friend” or not having a best friend does not define myself here, as life, that it is what i am within and as myself in and as being what is best for all, equal and one to life, no matter in whose shoes I walk as what changes take place.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that as life, there is nothing to be lost, as I am one and equal to all that exists, here.
I commit myself, to, see, realize and understand that losing a “best friend” is an illusion, and a separation and division from equality and oneness as all life here on this planet.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that within judgement in and as fear of loss, and belief in being a victim, I am in separation into a mind consciousnesssystem as self interest based on a face value, inconsiderate of myself as life, and thus inconsiderate of life, allowing the beingness of myself into being a polarity in and as energy, as mind, and not equal and one to the actual physical world.
I commit myself to realizing that within this, the spite and anger I then projected onto my friend was a reaction within how I felt within the judgement of having lost something, in this case, my “best friend” where I defined my value within society within this relationship, having separated myself from equality and oneness to all life into a self interested idea of survival as the very structures taught that made singular relationships bigger than what was physically real, relationships that served a system, as a hierarchy of more than and less than to serve profits to a few within the present monetary system through division of people into gender, class, race, nationality, religion, where groups are created as relationships within limited beliefs to maintain division and separation from self as life realizing the value is life, and where this existence of division and separation created the movement of men as a mind consciousness system that divided and presented into limited values, as judgement, creating polarities of more than and less than, as energy- the lack of respect for life being of no real substance- to feed an inter dimensional division as heaven and earth, where the imaginations of the mind are believed to be what is real but are the values of more than and less than cording the sight of men into a limited awareness of what is one and the same as the very substance existent in all life, which is that which supports all life, the very substance of life which can only be here, as a past and a future is composed of memories as judgements of more than and less than - which is separation into and as energy- as then existing within projecting this past onto the future, an act of movement as judgement of more than and less than, within which the human has created a system in the likeness and image of such behavior, as capitalism, which is destructive to the life that is earth, here, as this behavior of separation is in itself an ignorance of what is real which is life, which is this natural physical world. So, just as images of limited values are plastered all over this world via a media built by the hands of men, utilizing freely given resources to do so, with reckless abandon, and no consideration for the life on earth that is not in alignment with the limited values as what is projected by media, so too, does this exist as the mind consciousness of men, as mind, as thought emotions and feeling, where if we all stopped and slowed ourselves down, and remained within and as breath, we would begin to see this “halo” of imagery as mind, of which we blindly follow, as judgement and separation from what is real this actual real, physical world that is life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my emotion of guilt, in having spent time proving myself “ more than my friend” was an outflow of my initial self judgement in and as being less than, which was a continuation of myself existing within separation from myself as life, and the only real loss was myself not standing in stability as myself as life, realizing equality and oneness to what was here, as the physical world, and though the present system is not supporting and valuing what is real, which is life, the movements of my friend was one and the same, as she is me and i am her, a human in separation from life, into limited values of more than and less than within a system of self definition separate from equality and oneness in and as the physical being life.

Related articles

• Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character
• Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character
• Day 237 Internal Conversations/Back Chat Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 238 Reaction Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand what I am reacting as physically within and as judgement as the movement from a judgement of less than to more than in and as the mind, as consciousness, as an act of separation from equality and oneness as life, into a projection of myself as a personality, wherein I fragment reality losing focus of this actual physical world, as the present system of inequality distorting through limited values made huge instead of directing myself in equality and oneness here, focusing on what is real as the physical world, that which supports me as life, as what I am one and equal to.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this memory of myself standing and facing my friend sitting within a new group of girls, and no longer having to do with me, at that moment as this image as this memory, with energetic emotions and feelings, as personifications as what I believed myself to be within self judgement, as being less, as having lost something, as I judged myself less because I did not have what this new group of girls offered, and within this going into a belief that the values my friend was following were of less value that other values one could follow, where this in itself was a judgement of same nature, in separation as I made myself superior and the actions of my friend inferior, as a reaction to myself feeling less than as I compared, ignoring what was happening within existence and remained in judgement in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the sinking, falling, inner crying, like a sinking down from my head through my chest was a self accepted and allowed emotion of having no value, of being worthless, of losing something within a belief in a face value within society, that in reality bore no witness to the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this feeling, sensation of falling, sinking, inner crying, my breath became labored, and heavy, uneasy and difficult, and within this a “holding in: of myself - so to speak- as I was embarrassed that someone might see me having a care that my friend had abandoned me for a “cooler group”, where I within and as myself judged myself on the same values that drove my friend to join the group.

Within this, I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that this physical behavior was a reaction to a limited perception of reality, a morality, as a collection of values taught as judgements that enabled survival within a system that did not in fact understand the workings of consciousness as a separation into and as energy playing out values of more than and less than, of superiority and inferiority, as polarities of inequality, an act of spite and blame, causing friction and conflict within myself, this being a separation from equality and oneness with the actual real forgiving physical world as creation, as life, as simply being here, communicating with and as life here, equal and one to all the dimensions of expression as life, here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that there are no values of worth and unworth of myself as life, unless I accept and allow them, as I am life here, able to focus and direct myself, in practical common sense of this physical world, where myself as life, cannot be lost, where myself as life can only exist within equality and oneness with what is real, as the physical through utilizing common sense of the physical as what is best for all is best for self.

I commit myself to breathing, to when and as I notice this physical reaction of falling/sinking/ diminishing as a movement within myself as energy, to stop, breath, and become the correction of myself here, realizing that this whole mapping out of a hierarchy and placement of myself within such, was as moving as belief in a more than and less than, into energy, a distraction and separation from actual physical , equal and one living, from becoming aware of myself as life, participating with what is real as the physical.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself reliving this same physical behavior, to stop and to breath, to simply remain here,  within practical physical existence, to stop participation in and as the mind that exists within relationships defining myself, and to realign myself to myself as life, to direct myself to focus myself here, equal and one with and as the physical in common sense.

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Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character

Imagination Dimension / Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a scenario play out in my mind, as a memory, based on a past event to determine what i am here, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am allowing this past memory as judgement to define myself personally as the personification of being a victim as what I am here, instead of stopping , breathing, and realizing how I was seeing myself as less than and reacting within anger towards another, in self interested protection and defense in fear of loss of status and friendship, as I went into a sequence of behaviors as energy blaming and spiting another, creating friction and conflict for myself and the other, in not seeing how I existed as mind scanning my environment in terms of survival and gain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe at the time, within one specific memory play out, that I was not allowed access to a group, believing myself to be less than based on face values of physical maturity and monetary display, taking it personally while the friendship supposedly lost was simply my friend maturing physically faster than myself and seeking like developing girls to face a change taking place, where I judged myself as less than within this and thus turning myself into a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created all these thoughts around this as judgement, manipulating myself from a negative less than reaction into apositive more than belief, utilizing the morality of social class that I had been taught within my family, culture, society, instead of looking at what physical changes were taking place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that were I in my friends shoes , I probably - wether right or wrong- have done the same thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that all judgement as a thought is myself showing myself where I have separated from actually looking at this physical world and understanding how the physical world functions, and within this separating myself into some fuzzy logic as belief, opinion and idea, following cultural and class ideologies or non substantiating and directing movement as what is best for all, equalizing life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anger, as reaction, within protecting myself, in fear of having loss some status, when nothing had been lost in reality, as I continued to exist and found other activities and interactions with others, this being myself here, interacting as life, here, so the idea of loss was indeed an illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this past event to play out in my mind, and create a behavior where I scan my environment in anticipation of being measured as less than as I place some values above others and fear being measured as less than, which is, as I have seen, an ignorance of the reactions of others, themselves trying to understand this physical world and simply following limited values that are what is taught as a means of survival within a mind consciousness system of separation into and as energy as values of more than and less than, creating inequality within being one and equal to what is physically real, here.

I commit myself to, when and as I become the same behaviors coming up within and as myself, as being less than and then placating myself through making judgements that lead to myself as a “more than” to stop and to breath and to bring myself back into and as the physical, to understand what is here as the physical, and direct in common sense as to what is best for all, to be responsible for the behaviors within and without that are in separation from equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself, having a memory flash by, in and as my mind, to stop and to breath, and to ground myself here, in and as breath, and to self forgive, through writing, any and all energetic movement within and as myself, realizing that such movement is a separation into a more than and less than mind consciousness belief, opinion and idea, in fear of survival, as my self existing in separation from what is directive and supportive of life in the realization that all life is equal.

I commit myself to when and as I also relive as this memory, a feeling of quilt that I am allowing myself to judge myself as less than based on my own demise, which in and of itself is not a solution but simply another end game of emotion I accept and allow unless I stop, and breath and realize such behavior is not within the principle of what is best for all, as the value being life.

I commit myself to realizing that each and every time I judge another, based on a morality sustaining survival, I am in separation from common sense of what is best for all, disrespecting myself as life, equal and one with what is here, so I stop and I breath and I direct within equalizing an understanding within communication to and towards what is best for all

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Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character

Victim Character
Thought dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image in and as my mind of myself standing and looking at an group, as my best friend sitting with another group of girls.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a past memory as a thought as myself standing at a distance from a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image, as a judgement as a thought, of myself being separate from a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as less because a friend had decided to enter into another group, taking this as a rejection and believing myself to have been unjustly cast aside and made a victim of competitive social norms I believed I lacked.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have wanted to hide how I felt, by competing with my abandoned friend to prove myself more than, not stopping and equalizing myself to the situation and what was happening within the physical world within a system of competitive survival and physical growth changes among peers..

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become more selective in my friendships, having judged the group my friend was drawn to as less than myself, to then make myself seem more than through assigning limited class and cultural values to the situation to hide the initial negative judgement in fear of loss.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, I began to scan groups of people, looking for those groups and individuals that appeared to compliment myself, not seeing realizing and understanding that within this, I began to align myself within moral judgements of right and wrong, more and less, thereby creating borders and separations between that which was same within human beings, that we are all as one as equal as life, where life is the value.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within my own childhood, the behaviors of my parents were in fear of loss, and the promotion of competitive values determined within the generative past and culture as to what would be of value within being a part of a group that had control and power and thus an ability to remain secure within a system of inequality, where money - as the outward manifestation of more than and less than- determines what values create a “more than” scenario, all of which is a mind consciousness system, as measure only, lacking perception of the value - as what is same- being life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared facing the frustrated behaviors of parents obsessed within their own survival, not seeing realizing and understanding how such behaviors existed as only fearing loss as my parents faced the same fears, and within this, I reacted to their fears with a sense that I lacked worth, which was myself existing in self judgement within ignorance of awareness of how my mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings functioned as polarities of myself in separation from oneness in equality as life into judgement of more than and less than.

And thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that by the time I got to middle school, I had already developed a resonance of fear, accepted a resonance of fear of loss, as this was what I had accepted and allowed as a child facing the culture of separation from life, at home, into and as mind, as energy, as consciousness, having not understood the worry about money and position of my parents, and taking their behaviors personally as myself having caused problems or lackingsolutions, where I then became the same and passed this onto my children, instead of realizing the value being life, and directing self within what is best for all, while realizing the present system is an outward manifestation of what the human, as consciousness, has imposed on freely giving life as earth, and thus, even within self honesty as life, this present system must be stood up within, just as self must stand up and face accepted and allowed separations of more than and less than, to change self to move as a starting point of self realization as life, as this is the value, here.

Within all this, I see, realize and understand that a group is needed to change what exists as a system of inequality and disregard of life, as the mind as consciousness, not hereing a common sense of life as the common denominator of all existent on earth, to no longer allow myself to exist as a fear of loss, to see through all the storms as separations as what consciousness is into more than and less than value judgements, where such separations are the loss of self as life, and to become steadfast within myself in alignment of myself as life, and then to stand with a group to create a change to a system of equality, a system that realizes the value is life, and thus what must be changed is to align money to be what supports life in equality, as the value is life.

I commit myself to, when and as an image comes up, as a thought, as a judgement, to stop and to breath, and to write out the image/thought dimension, to then walk through the practical steps of facing accepted and allowed separations into more than and less than to being myself back to myself as life, equal and one as the physical.

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