Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 294 Disgust Character : Fear Dimension The Trap

I spent the day doing my taxes yesterday. I thought it would not take me very long as I have done them so many times and the process of doing them is not so overwhelming. Yet, it took more time than I thought, as numbers on papers did not match my own records, and changes in my situation turned out to be just more of the same of this present system. A system driven by debt, where the creation of debt allows banks to print more money, in their favor, thus any situation that does not create the need for debt cannot be allowed, as this is not favorable to a creation of money. SO, in order for the amount of money to grow debt has to grow, and since there is more debt than money in this system, since the debt cannot be paid back in full because it is not real, this interest - which is self interest for a few/banks ( privately owned) accumulating and then the object of this unable-to-be-paid-back-interest, as real estate or labor value creation, becomes the property of the bank. And all of this is based on imaginary-nonexistent money.
Are the same tools of this trade applied within religious doctrines? That there is some promise of more if we just believe? If we just take the imaginations of that loan improving our lives and or that promise of heaven improving our lives if we keep the faith? This faith being the interest for a few? And all of it imagined and the creation of something that does not in fact exist? Where, all it takes is standing up and removing this mirage? And it is a mirage, one each of us carries around right in front of our eyes, spiraling away, spinning in and out, prevalent in our words, the survival behaviors of self interest. As within, so without, as above, so below.
Consciousness creating bubbles of self interest, a spirit of ignorance of the physical world, manifest in thought, word and deed. This deed held in place by a piece of paper plastered in illusive words, the voice of compounded interest, our burdens we carry that are self accepted and allowed illusions. The gift of life, as the physical, being destroyed through imaging a superficial world of no substantive life direction some call devolution, distopia, some call pollution, starvation, rape, child abuse, animal abuse, soil devastation: this list can go on and on. It is moving in tandem with the growth of the electric light shining on the planet earth. I mean what is feeding all those lights visible from space? And what are those lights down there on earth “enlightening”? War and crime, murder and abuse, to all that is on earth. This system is not working as life, it is working as destruction, blind inconsiderate destruction. And the prevention of this is to simply realize life is the value, and to give that which is good to all to live in dignity, self directed as life as the very substance of what each of us is. Thus this is here, and so there is no excuse for this to not be what exists.
Anyway, my taxes. I wrote last night, very late, and realized I had become emotional; worry and fear. So I stopped, walked around, spoke forgiveness, breathed, calmed myself down through slowing down. The words going through me were, “ I am trapped.”
And in my “trappings” the tendency is to go into blame, finger pointing, spite, fear, seeing no way out. And I noticed that this is my self in self disgust. I am doing the same thing I was doing within this memory of seeing two feet rubbing together. I am wanting to project disgust onto the world, onto this physical reality. This is not the being of myself in common sense. And this is not grounding myself with my feet on the ground. This is myself becoming a behavior, in self interest, of a story of fear, wanting a change, in not wanting to participate within this illusion, just wanting it to go away, where with my feet on the ground, I must walk out of this illusion, through realizing it is an illusion, and how I have been taught to become this separation into and as fear, as judgement, as NON looking, to “get along” with an illusion as "there appears to be no other way." THe initiation into this, happening in childhood, as a child, so small, with no place to go, thus the creation of a belief that this is a trap. But, it is a trap of no substance, no validation of the actual physical world. Thus, having accepted and allowed this, when I see the physical world being in common sense of itself, I react in disgust, thinking it dirty, because I long for this self as life, and yet to do so would mean no longer accepting and allowing words, as expressions, as emotions and feelings and thoughts, as words and deeds and thought that have no awareness of life, that have no equal and one consideration of how here moves as life, how here functions as life, how here becomes a natural expression at ease. And it would mean facing the same behaviors of projection that are separations from life being disgusted with self as life, for how dirty self has become as distance from common sense. And bringing self back to life, means forgiving self to become in touch with and as the physical world. The only choice. There is no other way.
So, I turn my own self disgust into the sign of my separation from life, where i fear standing up and walking in common sense of here. I take the compounds of my thoughts, as denial into systemic categorizing into limited values/parts made huge and thus valued as more than, in the order of survival within inequality. As I have allowed a consciousness, systemic structure of limitation, to define myself here. I have allowed self interest in separation from life, from myself as life, here.

Self forgiveness on the fear of being trapped, in separation from common sense as life, looking at how here “moves” as “fantastic projections” onto and as a self correction to and as life, utilizing breath, self forgiveness within slowing myself down, accepting my separations and being “ the bringing back of them to myself in common sense of what is here, as it is here than I walk the physical ground of what is real as earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am trapped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see only this illusion, as a belief that i am trapped.
i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see my two feet on the ground, as I accept and allow a projection of separation into and as a character of disgust with what is here as the physical simply being in contact with itself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being in contact with this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect fear to this physical world, specifically in this instance to project disgust onto two feet rubbing against one another, where this separation as judgement remains with me in and as my mind, as this is myself not being here, equal and one to here, as this actual physical world, where I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define fear as a behavior of disgust for what is a physical action as two feet rubbing together as what is real, not seeing realizing and understanding that it is an energetic value of separation as a mirage imposed on what is physically, common sensically here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the spirit of this as being an energetic entity in separation from and as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this movement of myself within, into and as an energetic projection is a singular state of being as energy, a compound of my own separation into and as a behavior of survival as self validation through judging as being in disgust with myself as life, for ignoring this actual real physical world, as myself as life in expression in and as being of sound mind, as being equal and one, to and as life, in common sense of this physical world, which is being one and equal to what is here, without judgement, being at ease here, moving with what is here, self directing here, in and as what is best for all, as what allows all that is here to exist in dignity and thus at ease with self as what self is here as the from of what self is here, where all that is here is equal and one to and as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that placing judgements on what is here, is not an act of “constructive criticism” as an expression of what will lead to self direction and support as life, in all existent, as there is no other choice, and this requires respecting all life, as life being the value, thus allowing and accepting a “less than” judgement as a negative being projected/rejected by self onto something within my environment, is myself being a justifying superiority, where the outward label is the consequence of the inward self judgement as “more than” thus the two in totality are a compound into and as energy, creating a mirage, that is myself in separation from life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the continuation of this makes the separation of myself into a reality of life never being lived, a life lacking substance, lacking a sound mind, lacking equality and oneness in and as life, here, lacking equal expression in and as life, in totality, a seeming abstract to the mind, which is the becoming of myself at ease, here, moving equal and one, here, with and as life, thus it is the abstract that is real and the concrete, as consciousness as mind, that is the illusion, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being at ease here, forgiving of myself as life, here, equal and one, to and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, within this, how falling down the rabbit hole, is falling into wholeness and oneness with and as life here, thus do I forgive myself the judgements in and as the mind, as consciousness, as selected limited values -themselves not good or bad- and bring myself back into and as myself as life, of sound mind physical alignment into and as what is best for all, to give as I would like to receive, to take what is good, to prevent friction and conflict as war as absence/lack within under standing self as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that myself within friction and conflict is myself lacking understanding in and as life, lacking the movement of myself at ease, in and as equality and oneness, as being with sound mind physical forgiving understanding of life, here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the state of being, in and as a projection of disgust, is always about me, as what i have accepted and allowed, as separation, as feeling trapped, which is myself not looking at/understanding what is here, which simply means investigating what is here, and taking that which is good, to direct myself within and as becoming one and equal to and as life, moving myself with ease here, through utilizing breath, slowing myself down, realizing my own consciousness projections of more than and less than, as mirages into and as separations, as energy, the nature of which lack gentleness as it is a state of conflict as lack of understanding/comprehending life/the physical in equality within and as moving myself as ease as life here.
I commit myself to, when and as I begin to sense that I am separating myself from myself as life here, within becoming insecure within and as directing myself here, as this manifest as friction and conflict, as concrete labels in and as judgements, I stop and and I breath, and I return myself to myself physically, to not direct myself until I become at ease with what is here, to speak slowly within gentleness, self directing within and as the principle of oneness and equality, as this is the only voice of self direction absent of judgement, in being absolutely directive as life, within what is best for all in common sense of what is here.
I commit myself to realizing and understanding that a belief, as a feeling of being trapped, can only affect me, if I accept and allow this, as what is here, as the solid ground in and as this physical world, and the ability of myself as life to sense this, and what is absolutely best for this, is right in front of me, as a promise of more than, as what is promoted within a systemic inequality as a developed consumerism that diminishes self directive capacity as life into and as ideas of being more, is a means of rejecting this physical world for an illusive value that is such as it is limited gives one thing “godhead”/consciousness, a separation from respect paid within consideration of all physical form as earth , here, as what is the real support of and as each human, where the movement of self here, equal and one to this physical world, has substance, as the technology of this actual physical world is being equal and one to and as all life, as this physical world is what supports life, thus it is not what is here, it is that what is here, is treated within and as oneness and equality, as equal as life, absolutely, allowed self expression as life, visible within moving at ease, as this is an indication of life being lived in dignity.

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