Day 188
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in fear of being judged as unworthy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I will be judged as unworthy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become so consumed in fear of being considered unworthy, meaningless, unequal, boring, inadequate, non-entertaining, stupid, uneducated that I brace myself as try to fulfill all of what I perceive I lack and thus overwhelm myself with ideas, opinions and beliefs, as
knowledge and information, as what is taught by family, society, media,
education that I separate myself from what is actually physically, as in common sense from/of what is here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in bracing myself to supposedly ensure I don’t miss what might cause dis-ease in another I end up becoming a
judgement in protection and defense of ideas, opinions and beliefs instead of remaining here with what supports me as life, this actual physical world, where this judgement as limited values, as what is learned and propagated as value within family, media, education, society, is in service to a system of inequality, where this being of myself within judgement as mind, separates me from what is actually here as life, where I take the very substance in and as life and “warp” it into limited values as knowledge and information, forcing limited criteria as the means of
communication that does not include an awareness of the totality of what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to physically take on the cloak of judgement, as what is taught that is of limited consideration of what is actually here, and thus in taking on this cloak of values as what is taught, I create a veil of limited insight and separate myself from myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the substance of life is forgiving, and thus when I take on a system of values as what is taught I accept a limited means of communication as this limited means of communication submits to limited values, and thus do these limited values dominate the very expression of myself here, where this is difficult to see, as this is all that I have ever been, as what i was taught, as what I accepted, thus to step outside of these tools of guidance, as belief, opinion and idea, I must stop and breath, and bring myself back here to the physical, as this physical world is the means, as earth, to b-earth myself one and equal, to and as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react as a survival suit of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions from a starting point as an idea that I am less than, that I am unworthy, which in itself is a denial of myself as life, as I am here on this earth and thus as life I have the ability as what I am to breath and bring myself here to what is actually real, this physical world, to see, realize and understand what is real and not what is as a photo in and as my mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spite life through fear of loss, to begin to
compare myself to another, which is really comparing values of more than and less than, which is removing myself from equality and oneness as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I blame myself I am in essence believing that I did not see enough “knowledge and information” to eliminate a sense of dis-ease in another, where this is myself in separation from what is physically here in common sense, towards myself and another, where I not only separate myself from life, I separate the other from realizing themselves as life, as I cannot determine how another is within and as themselves, as they must see this for themselves, and within this this is allowing the other to birth themselves as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become judgement about another, where judgement is placing a label on another, which is an act of using knowledge and information as what has been taught within a system of inequality and thus separation from life, as life is the substance of what all that is here is, and thus separation into ideas of more than and less than is a
crime against life, as is played out within the amount of poverty on earth, where so many are denied what is needed to sustain themselves as life as it is allowed to take the resources from under their feet to be distributed, via the representation as money, to a few within a belief that what is here can be owned through signature on a piece of paper, an illusion creating a reality of
abuse and negligence of life, here on a planet that is to b-earth life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within trying to compensate for a belief in being unworthy, I am in effect accepting and allowing judgements and limited values, as knowledge and information, as ideas, beliefs and opinions in submission to a system of inequality, to be the currency of expression of myself, where this currency as words/language/structures of communication as the very fabric of sound, focus myself into and as limited insight into what is actually physically real, and thus within this I lose my own ability as life to be in common sense of this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, with every breath I take, to see that the verbal dialogue in and as my mind is the
voice of my separation as beliefs, opinions and ideas taught through family, society, media and education, as judgements, spite, blame, comparison, anger, shyness, un-worth, jealousy, embarrassment as the ammunition as protection and defense to combat a fear of loss as I constrict physically in service to creating this ammunition in protection and defense of a fear of loss of a self definition as a survival suit within a system of inequality, a creation that is a separation from common sense with and as, equal and one, to this actual physical world and the substance as what i am, that is the value, which is life, here
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that each and every judgement i make, be it about myself or another, is myself utilizing knowledge and information, as ideas, opinions and beliefs that compose a survival suit from a starting point in and as fear of loss of life, that makes no sense as this is built from the very substance of life as what I am, as what is here, which is insane to take what supports and not realize this separation, as the taking of this substance and creating a picture with this substance and then believing that picture to be a starting point and ignoring the very substance of that picture as that picture cannot exist without a resource as what is it, thus if ideas, beliefs and opinions are given more value and not realized for what they are, and made doctrine, as the starting point of dictate, as a word of “god” then a separation from self as the substance of life would begin, and self as life forgotten to knowledge and information as primary value instead of common sense of what sustains which is the substance of life, here. Which is what is being accepted and allowed and effecting all life on earth, as the substance of life as the value is ignored.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that the
voices in and as my mind, as the words moving through and as my mind are the
mirrorsof my separation from life, are the values taught within a system of inequality, self accepted and allowed and created through the following of utilizing values to define myself instead of realizing myself here in allowing myself to actually enjoy life through composing and disciplining myself into and as an expression in and as life, where myself as life cannot be lost, yet has been lost through the
acceptance and allowance of ideas as dictates to be what is the starting point of self direction, and thus creating self dishonesty instead of self honesty in and as the substance of life, equal and one, and thus realizing there be no need to exist within a fear of loss.
I commit myself to deconstructing the castle of protection and defense, constriction from this actual physical world, of which the very wall of my castle as mind are constructed of and composed of, and taking these walls down brick by brick, realizing these bricks are of knowledge and information, as idea, belief and opinion of more than and less than, as any value judgement, as any racial thought, as any justification, as any blaming thought, expressed word, as any comparison, and any expression of fear as anger, as any desire want and or need, to stop and to breath and to bring myself back here to earth, to equalize myself with and to, in common sense, with this actual physical gift of life, this physical earth, this place of actual b-earth of life into and as oneness and equality as life, here.
