Day 588 Who I am within the Systemic Culture of Women Day 3

Day 3

My assessment of emotional bondings between people/woman may , at times, be correct, but the reaction I have towards it is not a solution. I end up just moving into a silent morality based on my own past of having done the same and not wanting to admit to it and to instead become brutally self honest and calling a cup a cup. My projections are my imaginations, which is built of my past actions. I mean I am projecting using my own experience, thus judging my own past behaviors where I did the same. I used emotional ties to survive. Which means I used emotional bonds to escape a fear as an idea only that in reality was a split from common sense of which the physical is the ground of and as.  This probably started as a child, where I had not yet developed the words to express myself.

Emotional ties that do not move into a solution, are not real bonds, they are too volatile and really have no strength.  Because emotions are so volatile and fickle, imagine a child having to learn to face them? Many adults cannot deal with such volatility and fickleness! As a child, I would probably agree to emotions, because it would be better to agree and wait for the storm to burn out than to attempt to answer. I have become the adult that lead to my own behavior. I can blame no one else and the only  choice is to self realize, and for each to do the same, because this behavior is what is the limitation and has no real justification, even if it is not directly my individual “ fault” as some may believe. 

On another front. what I must realize and watch for, to self correct with every breath is the  problem that  what I have accepted and allowed has become a layered construct of such self interest without common sense as an automated habit, that if not addressed creates a behavior of limitation, and since this is an insecure movement, it remains until one learns to walk in practical common sense of what is real, as the physical world as this is where we all live, I mean this is what is here as what we see, without which we are not here! Why engross capacity within such limitation as mind ignoring natter?

Imagine facing me, as I am within a storm of emotion, where I am so busy projecting values about what another is doing without investigation that I see nothing else?  As parents and adults, within emotional reactions, that we believe to be so real, as I have done, would it not be hard for a child to speak up past such projections that are really acts of spite and blame in a paranoid fear of loss that in the end has no real standing in the actual living experience on a physical world? No, they don’t. 

Imagine leaving work after a very stressful day. Imagine having gotten a phone call at work where something happened to one of your children, or a good friend and you become very upset. As you walk to your car, in your state of all manner of projections, such as imagining the worse case scenario, and a whole slew of back chat going on in your mind about the problems at work that had made the day so difficult. Are the thoughts about who did or did not do this or that, and/or how could this or that person have said this or that?  So, all of this mental distraction of judgement based on a fear of losing some  idea of how self is defined, as the voices of spite spin around in your mind, that the presence of self is absent, so one is absent from presence as being a physical expression of life, from common sense of one’s surroundings, and as such drops the car keys in the snow, or does not sense how windy it really is and loses a bunch of papers from work as the wind’s acknowledgement is blocked through an absence of sensing physical reality as one is busy in the mind only. So, not only are the keys dropped, but the papers fly off into the distance. This all causes more problems, because one is so lost in fantasy as the mind, that a common sense of reality is lacking and mishaps occur as one does not use physical sensibilities to gage reality as the mind seems more real. In other words, a lack of physical presence causes more problems, and problems cannot be solved when the movement is into judgements, into spite and blame based on judgements. overall, nothing is grounded. In reality, solutions can only be carried out here, with the physical. 

In judging two or more in an intimate conversation, this drama is in my mind, having no basis in practical reality. It is myself comparing values as ideas about who and what I am, with worst case scenario outcomes should the ideas I have about myself be lost, all of this happening without any respect for life, for the physical. It is an emotional storm in a bubble and that is all. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are within their own self interest conspiring against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are conspiring against the ideas I have about myself as an accepted and allowed self induced construct of belief as mind made larger than life, and as such disrespectful of physical reality, that which is the means of myself as life here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not respect what is obviously right here in front of me, as the physical, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the emotions of another, to believe that there is no recourse for the emotions of another, or a group.

I forgive myself for not having listened and realized such  as a separate entity of belief,  to the voices in and as a construct as my mind, a resonant construct built of values of what would make me more than another, or of values that would lead to myself being a success as idea only without practical consideration of what it means to get things done in this physical practical reality, causing myself to reject as an appearance and  personification as idea that which I believed would not build a personification of acceptance to survive, a game in a bubble of self interest and occupation as energy as emotion and compounded emotion as a separate creation within built of values known as feeling energy, a false positive that I believe is directive of myself as life, all of which is really my own conspiracy in separation from practical physical reality, thus I project what I believe as mind, a limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how acknowledging emotions as a way to build relationships to survive is so consuming, and becomes such a habit that what is right in front of me as practical reality is ignored causing all manner of consequence as emotions are unstable as energy lacking a stability that is sound and as such gentle, directive and sustainable, as having the presence of mind equal to the physical - to all life, that all life is considered and respected which would lead to what can withstand the test of time, and occupy all the senses to the point where a life would be lived to the fullest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand as an energetic storm within and as my mind of conspiracy instead of accepting myself as life, being practical here, equal and one in respect of creation, which is physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept the gift of life which is to have a presence of mind equal to the physical, in all common sense.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I am what I judge, as I am within and as being reactive towards others, a reaction within myself, based on limited belief, opinion and idea,  a conspiracy of my own volition, as mind, having not considered the physical the pii cycle, the circle of life, the sound of life,  as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move as the circle of life as what stains and supports that which is the means of expression as life, as the physical, which is a practical living.

When and as I sense a film, so to speak, of gloom and doom, an idea of loss as a weighted substance - so to speak, coming down from my head across my physical body, a sinking down sensation, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize within taking the time to assess my self constructed and allowed habituated thoughts built of ideas, limited and made huge and as such a heavy weight that takes time to enlighten with practicality, and as such, I stop, I breath, I slow way down, and forgive the thoughts of unworthiness, of fear of loss, of loss of hope for an ideological gain,  of a belief in an end game based on lack of depth perception, as a mutation of myself as a personification only, and I stop and ground myself here, into practical physical reality, accepting the gift of life, and I take the time to self correct, paying attention to my voice, until I am stable here, until I have investigated practical reality within and as moving emotional separation into what gives self direction in ways that does no harm as this is accepting the self, empowering the self as life, here.

When and as I believe that responsibility is difficult I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down as reality as the physical is a common sense structure as the means of creation, visible, understandable, practical.

When and as I find being responsible as a physical being is difficult, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am here, an adult,  a living being, who can evaluate, examine, practical physical reality as this is the means of life, this physical reality is life in creation, as what a real parent would give as the gift of life, directly here, right in front of me, where heaven and earth were one and equal in all practical common sense.

When and as I find emotions accumulating in my solar plexus manifest as a building pressure, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand this sole/soul construct as a separate yet self accepted and ideologically driven entity in separation from practical reality, as my disrespect of life as the physical, and as such, my own rejection and thus state of lack of responsibility for life, as the physical, as my self separating from being practical here.

When and as I find myself reacting to emotions, either responding as emotion in fear of loss and abdication of self  responsibility, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand what is a practical movement/directive that can withstand the test of time as what supports self empowerment as a common sense of what it means to be practical here.

When and as I allow an inferiority of belief that i am potentially being eliminated, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize the limited values of such a belief construct are built of my past, as a child, and not what I am here, as I can ground myself here in physical reality and become self directive in self honesty, within and as practical application within what is best for all, as what sustains, as what withstands the test of time.

Day 362 Self Judgement as allowing inferiority

I forgive myself for allowing an accepting myself to believe that I am inferior or superior to situations and or others as I base myself within a judgement of more than and less than not seeing realizing and understanding that such is based on a belief , opinion and/or idea, stagnant within allowing myself as equalizing myself here in sound with the principle of what is best for all is best for self, as the alternative as ego is to be and become a limited idea of myself as what I am instead of looking at what I am allowing and bring this back to myself within the principle of what is best for all and as such/with such directing myself within looking here, within investigating here and moving in thought,word and deed as what is best for all, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i am inferior to life, to this gift, the expression, this experience that I am here within this human physical body and this physical earth, not realizing I have allowed myself to become a mind of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions as what is taught as the divisions of the present system that is a structure and form of inequality causing separation from life, as some are not given opportunity and support and others more than what is needed causing a lack of life on earth , causing a lack of dignity on earth,of life expression with and as life, here.
I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to use, opinion, idea and belief and abused myself as life through thought, word and deed in self interest to survive, not considering all life and the consequences of my actions as lack of consideration for all life, not seeing realizing and understanding within this that life cannot really exist until all life as this physical form as earth is in full potential expression as itself as life, thus no one is “ free” until all are free, no one is in dignity as life until ALL are living in dignity here on earth, thus the idea of superior and inferior are illusions that as an illusion is a separation and a stagnant state of being that has become so huge it does not see itself as such and as this lives in a state of limitation and thus becomes a diminishing substance of life feeding off the physical, fading out without having lived life, and as this separation has no real substance and thus no real standing as life, which is a state of fear, as is so seeable in the state of much behavior on earth at present, thus the only way out is to face the separation and the divisions causing lack and stagnant non-development on earth and to change this, thus facing the belief that this is impossible must be realized as a part of the illusion that is consciousness as mind, as life cannot be lived until all and everything on this earth is breathing and being the life that it is in full potential and to even realize within this that the answer is right here as the directive to walk out of fear, the only choice, the principle of equality and oneness, to give as you would like to receive.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have abused life, in using beliefs, opinions and ideas within ratios of what is more than and less than within a system of unequal measure guided by ideas of one value being more than another, and thus using these values and ideas to maintain my position within an order of unequal distribution of life sustaining resources to survive in my own self interest, a complete act of ignorance for which I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare values of others based on the words they use, the clothes they wear, the knowledge and information they spew and to judge according to my own cultural background, to compete for placement on a grid of inequality that in itself is in separation from life, from earth, from what is real as this physical earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I have allowed myself to become stagnant within, petrifying in fear of loss to the point where I no longer see reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an imagination of doom and gloom, as fear of loss, which becomes the undercurrent of myself as separation , a movement within as thought of a judging of myself as inferior, allowing ideas, beliefs, and opinions to be superior to myself here not seeing realizing and understanding within this that this is only limited insight as beliefs, opinions and ideas of more than and less than and is meaningless as I can only be here in this breath in this moment and that it is being here as being life that is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to the bully of fear, as fear of loss, that uses ideas, beliefs and opinions that are ambiguous, lacking consideration of practical physical reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a mistake is what i am, where in all common sense, a baby child is not labeled as a crawler for the rest of their lives when that mis-take as a first step becomes a fall and then crawl within first attempts of walking, as this is realized as a process, thus the past as miss-take of that baby does not define that human child, so if this is carried into all movement of men, then past mis-takes do not define a person here. Thus, passing judgements on people is an act of ignorance, as the only choice is to realize a miss-take for what it is and give/accept direction from without and/or common sense from within to stand and realize that selfperfection is a process that is only made stagnant within lack, as we live on a physical planet called earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from here, into and as an expectation which is to create an idea of the future instead of remaining here equal and one, as expectation builds hope which is placing myself into an idea of a more than and myself as being inferior.
When and as I see myself becoming a thought of inferiority I stop and I breath, and I realize I am allowing something to be superior and in separation from myself, and as such becoming stuck in opinions, belief, or idea, so I bring this back to self and I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all, as this is best for self, as we are all equal within the starting point of the substance of life.
When and as I find myself fearing to be labeled as inferior, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I realize that I am only inferior, and or superior, if I accept and allow this, as this is the mind, as consciousness composed of limited ideas, and beliefs and opinions of what is of more value and less value as the only real value is the value of life.
When and as I find myself believing myself to be inferior and placing a value of something being superior in separation from myself, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down and I look/investigate the form and the function that is the physical world in common sense within the principle of what is best for all, and within this I see, realize and understand my own behaviors of self interest as fear of loss, habituated as a survival suit answering to the voice of inequality as the present systemic form of monopolizing wealth and ownership of freely given resources into the hands of one/few who themselves are as consciousness , manifest as an ego of belief that some are more than others, when we are all the same, the substance of life, one and equal.
WHen and as I become inferior to here, within and as creating an idea and thus a hope within expectation I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that the mind as consciousness strategizes, maps, analyses and in the process misses here, what is physically here which is all I can as life be, here.
When and as I find myself, as consciousness , planning the future, I stop and breath and I realize I am inferior to here as I am wanting to control outcome, organize outcome, which in and as itself is not necessarily good or bad, it is that it is limited as it is separate from here, as it is only here that I can live in equality and oneness and move as the principle of give as I would like to receive as being in equal consideration of what is here in this moment, as I cannot know the next moment until I am there.

                                                    DIP Desteni Know how your mind works.

Day 297 Character of Disgust Fear Dimension

Character of Disgust Fear Dimension
I was looking at a memory from my past, myself as a child. My parents are talking to me, expecting and answer, a reaction. When that reaction comes, they become calm, as though something was validated within them. In this memory what stands out is that they, my parents became calm. I look at what I had done, and I realize it was the same as them, my parents. I reacted in anger and crying. This was enough, I had become what they were, so I was inferior to them, as I was a child, and thus innocent ( in no sense of separation into and as mind in agreement with them as limited programmed machine), so, this innocent child was as “bad” as them now, and since the child is “closer’ to “here” lacking judgement, the child carries the greater blame, and thus the parents are superior.
So, I had this “thought” within looking back at this memory. And I thought, wow, this is really messed up, really twisted. Unfortunately, this is the logic of the mind, this is the logic of of this system on earth. If something can be taken through the bully of forcing acceptance and allowance that it becomes the fault of the person accepting and allowing, which it is, but also it is to realize that what is presented as the only means of survival creates a “no way out” scenario. The way that money is presently used, which is the way the sustaining resources of this earth are moved, then it is the very system, collectively accepted that is the cause, the individual as anecdotes of the collective, the data, are the source of what is here, dividing this onto one or the other cannot be done, one is the manifestation of the other. The collective is the individual, the individual is the collective, thus the only way to be responsible as life, is to become one and equal, to realize that the very physical structure of life support must be what supports all life, absolutely, and that anything else is a crime, as the abuse of this present system.
If our minds physicals in tandem with out minds take a mirror image construct of what is here, and values of more than and less than heighten and enlighten limited aspects of what is here, thus placing other aspects of what is here in shadows, this is warping reality, distorting this, and our instruments as our physical bodies “reading” here, equal with here, then in conflict and war, which is in essence taking within ignoring a complete picture of here. This is like not using the total structure, and imposing a limited structure, and the utilization of that limited structure, both in development and use, is pulling what is real and supportive of that structure apart. This means the real instrument of life, as this physical world is not understood, and since this is what is here, and what is supporting all of us, it is common sense to work with what is here, in respect, as what is here is the very life that supports us.
Children respond to direction, and they become silent within an adult self validating. They become quiet in the second scenario, and “wait it out” as though they know better than to react, as this would prolong return to playing with their friends.

Some are already playing the game, and often we label them as precocious , but often those precocious ones somehow stop developing when they get into their twenties. I realize this and would talk about this with my father, but it was always within blame, within cultural blame as well, which is still messed up. But, outside of this, is to see a construct, a pattern, and the reason for such to exist in totality is the real question to be asked. It really is that too many limitations have been accepted and made believed as all of life, and so, because it is limited and unequal to and as life, movement stops, cannot go any further. This actually happens to all of us, with the rest such action is more drawn out over time, the illusion, we accept and call a different name, but it is the same.
Within this memory, I realize I react with anger, and then cry, and then I hide in shame. I am ashamed because I gave in because I did not know how to explain myself, as I was a child, and the ending of the action of the adults was a discovery made, a way to use in the future to end what I did not know how to stop, and thus the trap is laid and I accept it, not realizing that i am on my way into and as a limited existence. I have accepted the distortion of reality. In my twenties, the fear will come, and I will be unable to move, which is exactly what happened in college. And it is happening to my one son. He called this semester, and said he had so much fear. I realized I was watching myself.
I realize that in conversing with people, using words becomes one big mess, so much has to be defined, and often there is no patience for this. So often I just walk away, sorting it all out seems impossible. I end up becoming silent and just removing myself in disgust, usually towards the other, and sometimes in sheer frustration because of a lack of willingness to clear things up.
Even when I am willing to give in and discuss, I get angry that the other becomes impatient because they seek a quick fix within this confusion and also do not want to deal with this, or fear something being exposed and called by name, not realizing that nothing is hidden. The reaction to this is anger, which is fear, and it is really saying that the illusion is here, and you (meaning the opposition) is not playing the game - your “bad,” which in and as itself is denial of consequence. Because, it is this that is the cause of dis-ease on earth.
So, I have to allow myself to no longer become “disgust” within working with words, as in having discussions, I cannot allow myself to become confused with the refractions ofemotional polarities, fibonacci spirals/vortex as an alternate reality, a superstition on reality composed of memories wanting self validation to continue, attached to words, and to see that the “stream” of energy can be “de”-fined, meaning “fined” as in found out, as in not fearing that I will be “fined/penalized’ should I call it out, should I find out the name of Rumplestilzskin, after all, Mr. Rumpy will throw a tantrum and fall in his campfire and burn up, and like Gollum, he might start looking like a living being having removed his “ring of energetic blingy fire”, his layer of separation.There really is no other choice here. lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a silent disgust within and as speaking, in and as using words, where i believe that the words spoken become one big mess that is unable to be sorted out.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the same as I was in my past as a child, falling into the same reactive behaviors of protection and defense, learned as a response within a moment, as being a child not having the education within word usage to describe what i see, which is in the past, an emotional reaction/fear from the past, and not what i am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my disgust is really my own shame for accepting and allowing limited, secondary constructs that lack substance, and thus are non supportive of myself as life, to be what i have used to avoid facing here, this becoming a habit, and thus a signature of myself moving in separation from looking at the detail of how here, as life expresses itself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand, that the persona of anger within and as me, is myself not looking at what is here, is myself not looking at what I have accepted and allowed, as a self definition, as myself defining my reality, myself not slowing myself down to mirror within and as my words, what is here in detail, where I carry disgust with myself which is being ashamed of what i have accepted and allowed being projected as separate from me, here, thus I allow the burden of my own making to direct me here, my own “ring of fire” layered around me as my thoughts, emotions and feelings, creating this heavy feeling within, worded as a belief that “it is impossible” to cover my own ignorance of how here, as life, a gift, is right in front of my eyes, wanting to be what it is by nature, to flow and express, if only I would slow down, breath and bring myself here, to be patient within the storm of energetic confusion of no real substance manifest as emotion and brin this back to what is best for all, to prevent dis-ease.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that fear is separation from common sense of myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that shame is really a chosen unwillingness of self as life to move in common sense of here, which means that moving one and equal here, exists, exits the separation from life.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to go into silent hiding from here.
I commit myself to slow myself down and to realize words are to describe what is here, that it is myself as my human physical body that can see, realize and understand here, in and as breath and slowing myself down to no longer follow what is of no real substance as what energetic emotional and feeing reactions as a collection of thoughts that are of judgements of more than and less than based on limited values taught as only what is real, where in all common sense , what is here is what is real, and what supports life.
I commit myself to slowing myself down and to breath, and to realize anger reactions as myself hiding my fear of my own disgust/judgement as my shame of ignoring here, started in childhood within not having the development to explain myself in and as words, or even if I did, a projected belief was held by adults, as the reverse of life, that children are to be seen but not heard.

Day 288 Fear of Speaking Reaction Dimension

Speak, Taste, Eat, Breathe, Etc. (Photo credit: redteam)

Fear of Speaking Reaction Dimension
I realize that sometimes when I don’t get an expected response, I immediately have some back chat of childhood names , and memories of reactive behaviors from the past when I went to say something. I fear these names and reactions being what I am here, instead of looking at what is being said as my words, in common sense. I become the fear ofjudgement from my past, which means i am not here, present in common sense of what is physically here existing within the principle of what is best for all. I allow amind/alternate reality to become my expression, this being of no substance as it is not calm, at ease and constant, in self honesty as life. Within “being of no substance” I become uncertain, and if I really look at this, it is like being in a state of vertigo, and I lose common sense of here, a directive capacity, here. I start trying to catch myself, justify, hide, becoming one big storm of emotion and feeling, my responses that of seeking validation for my own separation. I am not at ease, and even within my words, there is fear, edgy spite leading to blame, as justification, because I know I am not here, I am no longer at ease. And much of this behavior, has become a norm.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a memory from my past, triggered by the words of another, as a reaction to what I speak, where I separate from here, from common sense of what is here, in this moment, within and as what is best for all as what is here, where within this separation what I interact as is energy, focused on ideas, opinions and beliefs, limited and judgmental, based on accepted and allowed past experiences wherein the full story of what is here is not realized, an existence in self interest alone as personification, creating a belief that i am alone, when I am here, as life, on earth, as all one, as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that nick names given by family members, such names themselves of limited awareness, lacking a sound mind of as self being directive within and as self honesty with what includes actual practical physical reality, equal and one, an inclusion of what is here as what supports life, this very real world that which is imposed with systems that separate this physical reality in promotion of religions and systemic structures given a life of their own as though they were what always existed yet in reality have been built by men, as these systems are here with the advent of men, such as the present economic system, which is given the status of being self directive when in fact it is not, as it is simply a structure where it is men that built it, accepted it, allowed it and use it to move what is here around the globe, this illusion as this addition of it having a life of its own, that is so obviously illusionary, but this is the means with which control of what is here as this actual real physical world is maintained through the development of warping and distorting reality, into and as a system of inequality, where the illusion given is the illusion created, that some are more than others, went all flesh is of the same substance, thus this system of an “unseen” force as a “god” is telling us that what is really happening is that some believe themselves to be more than others, and this is what is taught, an illusion of a more than and a less than, all a separation from what is the real more than, which is the value being life, simply being here in and as the very substance of and as life, given equally to all as the physical world, to enable all to exist as life, to experience life, as this is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to what is here, to allow ideas, opinions and beliefs of more than and less than to direct myself here, not realizing that all of this is an energetic emotional moving to feeling storm in a bubble that separates myself from life, thus making this cell of life that I am on an organism as earth, a prison cell of my own creation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as i become fear, to walk through my own self commitment statements, to bring myself back to here, to become the walking of myself equal and one to the focus of myself here, aligned to speak in common sense of what is here, without separation into and as fear, as this is the illusion, the separation, as the gift is the physical world, as the substance of life by nature is forgiving as life, considerate of all life, in all common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in each and every moment here, the only choice is to slow down, breath, and to stop thevoices as the blueprint in and as my mind of the past, the resonance of incomplete stories that reveal their own incompleteness in and as that they are of complaint and not of direction in ease, thus the very tenor of self as life, is visible in and as the very nature of the words and the substance of the sound as the voice of each and every one, as the voice of direction is solid, sound and directive without threat, where an in-substantive threat gives no real direction, as life would always direct allowing what is here to be self directive, absolutely.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understand that I am here, as life, and thus I can breath and slow myself down, move as the the words of equality and oneness as what is best for all, where I bring myself here, and move in practical evaluation of what is here within and as what is best for all.
When and as I begin to feel emotional and feeling reactions within and as myself, where the vertigo of the past begins to rain down from the mind, this map of what I have accepted and allowed in and as judgements within a system of inequality, and the pressure of past compounded emotions and feelings build up within my back, I stop and I breath, and I realize this is movement within and as my human physical body of separation into and as energy, as fear of loss, an idea only, that then moves into and as a tension physically through my human physical body where I become a supposed “positive” justification that is really a more intense energy, seemingly “lighter” yet actually heavier, as my limbs begin to feel heavier, more inflexible, and if I really look at this it is actually painful, as it is an energetic consumption of my human flesh as myself in separation from being equal and one to and as myself as the “sound” of myself as life, thus is fear/survival behaviors/loss myself mis-playing myself as life, here, and thus am I no longer equal and one to and as life, and am abusing myself as my human physical body with my own accepted and allowed separations.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that this movement into feeling, this which seems “good” as this is pride and a feeling of gain, is a false self directive, as it is a thin belief in gain that is simply a self justification within limited ideologies, which is what i have been taught within a system of separation from life, from equality, the labels as this supposed “higher” positive being of myself, that follow the labels of character within and as the present system, as I pretend the roles I was taught, and walk in and as mind, as accepted and allowed behaviors, where I allow the measure of myself in relationship to limited beliefs, this manifesting within hope of survival as pride, as I am my own judge and juror relating to personification and care-actor relationships towards survival within a system of division into hierarchy, the very structure of which images more than and less than, a crystal shape reaching into the earth, the earth the support up this eye sore on its horizon that gives without a signature of ownership, as the value is being here, equal and one in and as life.

Day 276 Fear of speaking Internal Conversations Dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what is a set of limitations made huge can hurt me, unless I accept and allow them to be what is real
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the fantasy of this world, as values distorted are what is believed to be real.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is the distortion of values, that then limit and warp reality, and are the cause of my separation from the physical, where i no longer can sense the physical world as I have allowed myself to run after limited values, that will never satisfy as they are in separation from what is real from what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created an alternate warped reality where i lose common sense of this physical world and thus myself as life as what is the substance of this physical world, to allow myself to be and become the monoculture of the cult of inequality, where values are divided into more than and less than, and what is simply being equal and one to and as this physical world, as this is life, has lead to the existence of abuse on earth, as the physical is believed to be only a resource to burn up, as the real world promoted is a world of imagination, thus is the world in reverse, what is believed to be real, is fantasy and what is real is made secondary, the perfect promotion of illusion allowing control by a few, which is simply a reflection of each of us as we fear standing up equal and one to and as the physical, to really live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have been hurt, which is just myself wanting what was taught and fearing to give up an addiction to a distortion which is myself in separation from what is real
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in fearing to speak, what I am in essence saying is that I fear exposing my own separations.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I have been speaking the language of inequality, relating my words to beliefs, opinions and ideas of what is more, and thereby lost all common sense of what is real as this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all this means is to align myself in common sense to what works within and as this actual physical world within and as the principle of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I exist within loss when an object of my desire is removed from my physical existence, as I have allowed this to define me, within my accepted and allowed separation from what is real this physical world and the very substance that is the source of this gift of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my personifications of character are myself unstable, as in being within a dis-ease of equality and oneness to and as the physical world.

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to learning to read this actual physical world, within and as what in common sense is best for all, as the organism of this world cannot function as life until all existent here are equal and one to and as the physical, where the accepted cult of abuse as inequality is realigned to what is absolutely supportive of this actual physical world.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to within common sense stand within and as equal consideration of what is physically here, as this is me equal and one as life.
I commit myself to speaking up in common sense that there is not life until what is the real value, which is life, which includes this actual physical world is supported absolutely, realizing that a system of inequality is a distortion of limited values into ideas, beliefs and opinions of one thing being greater than another, where just as the human physicalbody is a reflection of this earth, in that unless all cells are functioning optimally the consequence is disease creating behaviors in separation from self as life, and thus creating a world where the cells, as the human, are out of alignment with equality and oneness to and as what is real which is the physical world, thus will the entire organism as earth eventually crumble in disease, which is what is happening on earth, as what is real has been ignored for a fantasy, as ideas in self interest of what is more than in separation from the value being life, self being self responsible as life, here.
I commit myself to, when and as I feel I cannot speak, to slow myself down, to breath, to bring myself here, equal and one, touching this actual physical world and practicing registering what is physically real, here within and as directing myself as the principle of what is best for all, as this is the only choice, as the choices within and as the present system of the culture of inequality follows the illusion of the fantasy of the mind, an imagination of distorted and limited values in separation from common sense.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to when and as I realize I have allowed a habit of label, as comparison, I am existing within competition fearing the loss of the illusion of

Day 212 Self Correction on separation into values of more than and less than.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding the sequences of judgement, like a domino effect that cross through myself as my mind as thought, resplendent with reactions based on past events or sorrow composed of my past, which, if I allow to be what i am here, separate me from myself as life, as the directive principle in and as what is best for all.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the thoughts in and as my mind are in fear of loss, creating a collection of “what if’s” such as, what if I cant pay my bills, or what if my car needs work, or what if I end up alone, or what if my children leave and never come back, and on and on it goes, as I fear and then placate myself in and as my fear, in creating a happy answer in and as my mind, instead of looking at what is here, in detail, to see this physical world and work out a movement within what is best for all, trusting myself as life to be able to learn to work equal and one with this physical world, and yet, the present system of inequality- this very manifestation of what I have allowed within and as me, as judgement of losing some association and/or relationship I have allowed to define myself as life is a belief in consumerist objects being what determines what i am, where i chase the object as what defines instead of looking and realizing that what is here is to allow expression of myself as life, to become one and equal to being a creator in and as the substance of life that I am, as though the material is the tool to express, yet the material of this earth is being used to make some more than others, and thus ignoring this substance and forcing what is here to serve a “more than”, as though the tools are hoarded by a few who are so busy hoarding they have forgotten themselves as life, and within this are not allowing life to express itself, which in essence is insanity, as all there is, is to support what is here to become an expression in and as life, as this is the joy.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding the limiting thoughts of fear in and as myself, where I give myself a minus value instead of utilizing my ability to express as what I am, and self forgiving these limitations as they are separate, and thus lack common sense of the physical as the tool of expression, given freely as this is life, to give in equality and oneness as the value being the expression of life, here.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that any thought of needing a validation from without, through “wanting to be like something or someone”, orfearing judgement is abdicating self honesty as life as what i am, and ignoring the fact that what is here is composed of the substance of life, and thus lacking in common sense of self as life.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to respond as the voices in and as my mind, suggesting imagined “what if” dialogues of possible outcomes of loss, where in these moments I stop and I breath and align myself in common sense of this actual physical world.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my thoughts are a show of separation from common sense as they are a program taught through education, family, media, society to limit form with function and force self as life to serve or lead as the opposite end of same action, denying autonomous expression of self as life, as life would, in self awareness move in expression as awareness of itself as oneness in equality as this is common sense.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe  

Free Eqafe Interviews

Journey To Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Creation's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

Documentaries  

Day 209 Fear of not being valid, fear of loss

Fear Dimension
I have had an old acquaintance coming around, and then suddenly they stop. On the phone they begin to make comments about self forgiveness. They begin to judge. I have had this before. I just keep going. Tonight I notice a fear of loss coming up within this relation. it is similar to the fear I experienced on a ladder yesterday. A fear of loss; of life, of validity?
I will walk the fear dimension of no longer appearing valid relative to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing validity in relation to another human being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing a relationship, be it a friend, a relative or a general interest expressed by another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear appearing to be invalid.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sadness at the idea of appearing to have no value within the judgement of another and within this not seeing, realizing and understanding that judging another as incapable or less than, as having nothing culturally valid about them, or savvy about them, or “interesting” about them, is my self not seeing realizing and understanding them as life, which is actually a lack of common sense in and as life, as what one is in fact.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is sad that another would become reactive to words spoken, without any attempt to test out what another suggests and investigate before placing a value on what is being expressed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into judgement about another, myself creating a value about that person within deciding that what I have expressed is not valid, without realizing that what I have said, in this case within the context of self forgiveness, no attempts were made to investigate what was being said, and thus I turn this into myself somehow not having made myself clear, when the descriptions about the quantum mind are actually very simple, that the mind as emotions,thoughts and feelings express ideas, beliefs and opinions based on the past, projected into the future, as a mind that works in polarity as energy in separation from self as life, here, which takes some time to realize within and as what self has allowed to direct self, thus this takes patience and modeling by myself and a desire to understand how this world works, as clearly this world is not taking care of the life that is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become saddened that I have been accused of indoctrinating my children, and when the person making such a statement cannot answer questions and changes the topic I must stop and breath and realize that all I can do is walk in detail how the mind works and how the present system works and suggesting that self investigation will reveal what is the very form of ourselves as the behaviors of ourselves within that are same as what is acceptedand allowed as the system existent on earth.
I forgive myself for fearing loss, within having any value in the eyes of another, as this is not a real value, as the value is life, in common sense of and as life, and not whatemotionally maintains a relationship because I am saying things another is not ready, or unwilling to hear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a misunderstanding of values, not seeing realizing and understanding that in the face of emotions as being what is valued, a separation exists and thus the real fear of loss I experience is a loss of self as life and a sadness that the emotional war storms as the consequence of the quantum mind are what I become when I judge myself as having not been “valid” enough within my words, not seeing realizing and understanding that I have become what I see another as.

Self Correction to follow.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe  

Free Eqafe Interviews

Journey To Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Creation's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

Documentaries  

Day 190 A System of Fuzzy Logic

What happens when I allow myself to serve the needs of another as a learned behavior, where I allow myself to become a relationship to another as ensuring their supposed comfort, as in allowing my own common sense to become secondary, or associate myself relative to that other person, meaning I am worth less, as the state of the other is the value instead of the value being here, one and equal to all that is here as life?
What barriers to I build in relation to this? What common sense do I withhold within myself in awareness of what is real here, to serve this? Is it just that common sense does not fit into expectations within an accepted morality? Is it that common sense denies platforms of validating experiences? And would I not be placing myself into a need to validate myself, where I feel that this is improper and then silently bask in sorrow as I have gone into a polarity of more than and less than within social constructs of behavior?
In many ways this focus on the state of the other is a desire for control within survival, as this is all that was perceived by myself to work with as how to exist within this survival based system of inequality, and also to use knowledge and information to “even the scales” as in taking a stand of lack and believing myself to be more in holding the sorrow to elevate the other, which is admitting to and accepting existential fear and instead of facing the fear trying to placate this fear, like running away from the fear, like resisting common sense.
So, it is like fearing being common sense. Is common sense what is taught to us? No. Common sense would mean learning about what is actually here. This is fear of being self as life, here. it is fear of communicating common sense. And this must stop with myself , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I accept and allow myself to fear common sense in and as life , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to serve the personification of another in fear of judgement and isolation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the reactions of another to the point where I have even lied to not face the reactions of another for fear of punishment should I be self honest, which ends up being more detrimental to myself and others within my environment and thus is not worth it.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared performing in common sense where I actually remember holding myself back because I believed that should I really go for it, it would be too much and too exposing and thus I had a voice in and as my mind tell me - one time when I performed- that I should not do this as I would be attacked - which I have written about before - and i see, realize and understand that this ended up creating a performance of constriction and self insecurity, as in not using common sense there was no real substance with which to express.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear common sense as though something will be lost, when the opposite is what is real as there is no choice but to exist within common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this feeling of sorrow to pour down my back physically within myself as thought that something may be lost should i exist within common sense, a fuzzy logic masking a fear of loss as an idea, belief, or opinion.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become like a paper dress up doll, where I copy and paste the behaviors in and as the role of the woman, taking on the sorrow, through accepting a less than stand of myself in and as admitting to existential sorrow through believing I need to support the other within the other remaining within and as a state of ease, thus existing as a polarity of more than and less than, creating a lack of common sense of what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in not standing fast within and as common sense, I create the very insecurity felt within and as myself here, and the insecurity within another, the very thing wanting to be avoided, being what manifests.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a separation from common sense, is what role play, as female and male, creates, thus that which is run to is that which creates the insecurity, as though the belief in the role as support is actually what creates the problem of separation and lack of communication.

I commit myself to breathing, to realizing what is the trigger into and as this association in focus to the emotions and feelings of another, which is going into control, and going into a believed self preservation instead of remaining here in common sense in and as life.
I commit myself to not see, realize and understand that self honesty can only exist within and as common sense of what is actually physically here, thus when and as I feel myself going into a sorrow, as a less than, as a sense of duty to ensure a perceived state of ease in another, I am in separation from common sense, and am allowing and accepting a belief that another must be made to remain happy, which admits to a state of “unhappy” as the potential, where this actually creates a relationship in separation from common sense, here and is not supportive of what is actually here.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the only real support and the only real communication available is with what is actually physically here, as the alternative in and as wanting to control the state of another is in separation from here, and a practice that continues a non-substantive energetic based existence.
I commit myself to remaining within and as common sense of what is here, breathing, and no longer allowing myself to fear the judgements of others, as I am sure they will come in and as reaction to common sense,.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing, and understanding the common sense of oneness in equality through stopping and breathing when and as I notice a judgement from within or from without, directly or indirectly, as such is a fear of loss, illusory as nothing can be lost as life, where a judgement is a fear of loss, and or protection for a few, both an ignorance of the totality of what is here.
I commit myself to remaining here in common sense and to no longer fear the verbal backlash of the mind, as it is only the voice of experience based on a past within what was learned and passed down within a system of fuzzy logic and separation from life.