Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 187 Worthlessness; Preparing to avoid judgement

Day 187
Continuation from previous post where I realized I constricted in the presence of another in fear of judgement and in preparedness to avoid being judged in a belief that something would be lost, that I might be placed lower on a scale of measure than another- the illusion developed within a system of gain and loss, more than and less than, an energetic construct in separation from life, ignorant of what is real, here, an illusion of separation that has been made huge, seemingly precious, a halo/bubble of televised limited values manifest as images in and as the mind, consuming the flesh of the physical for maintenance- causing disease as in taking the ease as what is real from actually physically being here, with what is real and life sustaining, this actual physical world.

When and as I prepare myself to be focused on another with whom I am working I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to make huge the fears of myself based on a set of values that are limited as what I was taught, where I am a protection defense of belief, opinions and ideas about myself based on my past, utilizing these values, believing myself to need to sustain them through constantly comparing myself to others within an as my world to ensure that I maintain some “meaning” about what I am, all limited ideas separate from this actual physical world, a peer group “club” composed of humans in total abdication of what is real, this actual physical world.

When and as I see myself in “readingness” of what values I may contain of lack within the limited values of my societal world I stop and I breath, I focus on what is actually physically here and I forgive the back chat of the mind that is comparing what I have-where I am,-who is with me- how I speak-what I look like - how what is here-how I appear- who is with me that I judge as a measure of my worth- what obligatory personification “stance” I am supposed to “wear”/ “ware” - what the potential outcomes might or might not be should I NOT be of a certain “stance”/look/response to and towards another as I interact with this actual real physical world, within this I stop and I breath and I - as much as I am able - realize that what is real is what is physically actually here, and that any thought of blame, value judgement, is my self within limited insight in service to a world of superstition that serves a system of inequality, an alternate reality that separates from this actual physical world.
When and as I prepare myself through a physical constriction in readiness to serve a fear of loss within myself, existent as what was taught as a child as the adults around me and the society around me, and the focus of education around me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down to stop an inward positioning of myself onto a web of values that support a system of inequality, a web that keeps me so busy with my one singular position that I am no longer aware that this web is in totality taking the resource of this physical world and “handing it up” to a few on the top of a pyramid that is composed of justifications that are belief, opinion and ideas that are in fact a superstition and not an actual awareness of what is physically real as this freely given abundant earth, this earth crying it name in the very sound of the word, the place of b-earth - the place of birth- the opportunity to realize self as life, through becoming one and equal to this actual physical world, thus is what is real placed directly in front of us, a gift of life, as no real parent would do anything else for a child, and life is the “parent” and life is “here” as this physical world.


When and as I interact with another I stop and I breath and I hold my common ground in and as being here in practical common sense of this actual physical world, and I see, realize and understand that any blame and judgement from another, any idea , opinion and belief in and as a comparison of myself through idea, belief and opinions as what I have been taught to focus on and as, I stop and I breath, and I realize that the spewings of the mind - as the system of limited values - is a separation from life, from equality and oneness with and as what is actually practically physically here and within this I do not react to blame and judgement as this is not myself in self direction in and as life, in self honesty in and as life, in self responsibility in and as life here.




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