Day 271 Fear of speaking Imagination dimension

My imagination brought up a memory of listening to my parents arguing, where I had said they were saying the same thing. Which did nothing to change the arguing. I dont’t remember what they were arguing about, I remember that they did not listen to what I said , turned this into a big “boohoo” moment of self pity with the words “not listening to me.” Does this personification of this past event do anything what-so-ever to be a solution for that past event or what I am here? What I hold from this memory has no substance, no directive capacity, especially since I cannot remember the details of the conflict. What I remember is trying to stop the arguing. So my focus was not on the issue, it was of my own self interest. Thus this is a memory of a bevy of self interest, based on ideas. I mean even if my parents were saying the same thing with different words, this has to be moved through, clarified, the immediate problem within the situation - as what was probably being argued for that became buried under personal-ity emotional/feeling needs/fears of ego/self definition piled on top of what was the real problem - and it was probably about money/survival.
Conflict is polarities within a conflict, polarities seeking ascension. Opposition wanting to win. Something, some thing wanted. Apart from what is needed for the human and the inhabitants of this earth to be, including the plants and the animals and the soils, all this being what is here being the very support of what is here, of which the human can no longer see, as they are no longer aware of what is here, as the very media we have accepted and allowed distorts reality into making aspects of reality HUGE, ignoring practical living. The outcome is that no one is in fact practicing real physical living. Where what is magnified in our media warps reality and practical awareness of learning to interact, understand, communicate with, what is here, what is physically really here, is lost.
So, the warped reality presented by the media, is us, is what we have accepted and allowed. I mean, in all common sense, do animals fuck all day? According to so much of what is on the internet, in movies, is about fucking, about getting sex, some are a dialogue of values within getting sex, making it all right, but the end goal is getting sex. It is so warped that now sex is about getting a penis in every orifice possible. Is there really any sensation on many levels going on here? Obviously not. This warped desire is out of practical physical reality living, and the machine , as the human physical body, is separate from itself as life, and can only “read” limited sensations that are unsatisfying. It is like taking a perfect sensory machine and forcing it into a limited range of sensation, where that limited expression cannot possible release the very force moving the machine. Thus the machine goes hay-wire, as it cannot express itself fully, and end up burning itself up as it “unfulfilled” substance compounds and settles within, the settling building a personification using the same warped limited means of expression, which is brilliant in a way, as the very limitation is showing the plug, the limitation accepted, the separation from being aware of what is actually physically here, real, tangible. Thus this that is the “warp” must be forgiven, tempered back into awareness of the physical reality, where the “warp” will be lost, and what is real will be gained, the real being everything, awareness of everything. A human in full potential, being aware of here, practical, working with the gift of life, the physical world.
The mind, the image maker and the physical body holding this, has been clinging to limited values, and I said limited values, meaning the values are not “good or bad” - wanting a person to share your life with is not good or bad - a desire to interact with others is a part of this world, interaction with this physical world and all its forms is like playing in an orchestra. But we are not doing this, we have warped reality, and much of the world, the physical world, which is all of us, equally, is suffering because of it. And this is a crimeagainst life.
Thus, what is here on this earth, must be used practically, balanced, in common sense of what is needed to support life. The memories I have, are of me warping reality in self interest, in self pity, they are how I have separated myself into limited view points, unaware of what is real, physically practically real. And I am so used to the tension, the neurosis of this, that I no longer know silence and beingness, physical-absolute “peace”, direct communication with here in common sense.
It is time to stop the mind, the accumulated memories if taking things personally, self pity, me-mores, me lesses - the fears of loss, as this is self fearing not having , and what is it that self fears losing? That which is warped, as belief, opinion and idea, that is a distortion of reality, a separation from actual physical life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself sitting at the kitchen table in my childhood family house, where I take a picture in and as my mind, the image maker, and place a set of limited values onto this picture, energies of more than and less than, beliefs, opinions and ideas unequal to what is common sense of how the actual physical world practically exists functionally, and within this created a separation as a personality being a character of a judgement of a fear of losing something, as in not being noted as being more than, where, as in this memory, I became self pity in “not being listened to” that is in itself a limitation as this memory remembers myself without reference to what is practically physically real, as how what is here functions in form, this form the very support of life, the gift of life to breath, communicate, interact as being creative as an expression of life, that which is what we all are, here to simply be, breath, interact, communicate, express, transform, to sense the being of ourselves as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have limited myself within in not accepting this physical world in common sense,this gift that allows myself to become equal and one, in and as life here, where I equalize with the physical in common sense of what is supportive with and as the physical world, to express myself absolutely, as the organism as a whole, as earth, is the means to understand that life is the value, and not some secondary idea, as a secondary idea is a separation from the value as life as simply being here, as here is the only place I can exist, thus the physical is the gift of life, to be here, as this is really all that can be real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow memories, as images to be what is real, and within this to not realize that the cause of my separation from life, the cause of arguing, and self judgement, or any judgement, in and as what the mind voices, is myself, as i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is real, the substance of life, being equal and one in all physical manifestations on earth, this no one thing on this planet can be more or less than myself, and all that can exist in practice on earth is absolute respect and thus, care and support, for hat is physically here, absolutely, which needs to be implemented into a system that practices this absolute equality, to stop the warping of life, manifest as behaviors of conflict and friction, war and crime, starvation and animals abuse, soil erosion and water pollution, as the consequences of separation from how the actual real physical world functions, this anything that does not support this actual physical world is unacceptable, no matter how many bullying voicesor layers of bureaucracy have been created, as all of this must stop and a system that realizes the value is life, and must be supported as such, thus it is time, to implement a system of equality, equal support for all life on earth, where the capital of this earth is an expression of life, and must be utilized to support the expression of life, as this is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become personifications of a belief in a “rightness”, where the moment i become this, I am in separation from what is here, as all I can do is focus myself here within and as what is practically physically here, and slow myself down and breath, to see, here, and then to express what is here in practical form, which will take patience and the development of common understanding of here, of which the physical world reveals, all that is needed is to be here, and thus within this, to allow any emotions and feelings as memories, that come into play as mind to be seen and forgiven as in correcting/aligning/equalizing through slowing down and breathing to forgive these as separations from what is here, as these emotions and feelings are self interested, self inter-rested in energy, as myself in separation from what is real as the value being life, where there is only here, in practical common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in separating myself from here, as this is what is taught as an accepted action of separation for generations as men on this earth of at-most-sphere/fear, I have, even when having a sense that something makes no sense, not followed through until that sense that something makes no sense, is answered, as I have allowed myself to desire to be right, just as my parents and those that came before me, as i have not been here, reading here, being one an equal to what is physically real, as what I am, as how I am here, accepting this physical world as life, as all life is life, and thus there can be no heaven andhell in separation, which would mean that this is a construction of separation, as all life would move as one, as the value being life absolutely, which can only happen here, in being here, at the very point of expression, as it is only here, that one can see and be, as the past is the past and not what is here.

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to bringing myself here, to what is real, to what is practical common sense living, as being life, here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to being physically present in common sense of what is here, as here is really all that the physical can exist as, communicate as.
I commit myself to, when and as i see pictures of myself, in and as my mind, in and as memory, to stop and to breath and to realize what emotions, thoughts and feelings I have accepted and allowed as the personification of myself here, that being what I allow as characters and thus imagine, as an alternate reality from here, to - once again- stop, and breath, and not fear this, but to stand equal and one in and as it, to recognize my own accepted and allowed separations as judgements of more than and less than, based on warped and distorted values taught as the present structure of resource/monetary profit, as idea, on paper, joined with “ what is for the common good” is incomplete, as profit has not been clearly defined, thus must this clarity be brought into the words used, the practices followed to equalize the statement of, for the common good, to be an understanding that the profit is being life, that the value is life, here.
I commit myself to breathing, to seeing realizing and understanding, when and as i find myself becoming emotional, or feeling excitement, or having thoughts of judgement, to stop and to breath, and to slow myself down to look at what is here as the actual physical world, and to realize that what is on paper is limited and spread out through layers of bureaucracy, which as a structure can be used to organize and distribute resources equally, in and as common sensically stabilizing the capital of this earth to support all life.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that when I am wanting to be validated, wanting to be “right” as in wanting acknowledgement, as being a memory, I am in fact in separation from here, I am rushing in desire, as desire is a distortion of reality into a more than, where this can be sensed as there is sense of falling as in being vertiginous, meaning “whirling around” as in not being stable, equal and one here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that the use of any such statements as “ that is impossible,” or “I do not understand,” or “ that is utopia,” and or, any and all behaviors of aggressive bullying within or without, the exhibition of irritation, as an action in words with an emotional charge, that suggest what is being said or done is stupid, ignorant and or lacking in some way --without a corrective follow through directive, done with absolute desire for what is best for another, as what is best for all --are acts of ego and self interest, self inner-rest, in limited values separate from what is real, as this physical world, in common sense of what is best for all, thus what we/I have accepted as separation from common sense of what is real, here, the physical, is displayed in all behavior, in all words, in every moment, and thus, can nothing be hidden, as all is known, and the physical works in such brilliant ways, as a machine that expresses what is accepted and allowed as life, that all separation, all self interest, all existence of what one has accepted and allowed can be clearly seen, thus there is no hiding, and the belief in secrets is an illusion, thus, the idea that something must be kept secret, is actually an act in fear, and thus an act of self interest, an act of ignoring this actual physical world. It is as simple as that. You can run but you cannot hide.

Day 125 Hiding from Contradiction

Day 125

I talked with a man today about the mind and imagery. At one point, after he had agreed with me that advertising indoctrinates, he then said it  sounded like I was talking about a utopia.

I turned to him and said, yet you admit that advertising indoctrinates, thus the opposite can happen as against what advertising does, as admitting this is being done, means that this need not be done, can NOT be something as it is being something 

His reply, which was an abdication of actually looking, was to say; “Well, I don’t know anything about this area.” This in complete contradiction to what he said previously. Does this make any sense? It does not make any sense, it is deciding to not look at sense. It is an endgame in and as not looking at what is the opposite of what is believed and even admitted to. Incredible.

I get this all the time. This kind of contradiction. It seems that looking at the contra to the diction is ignored, even in the face of common sense.

A clear indication of programming. A clear indication of an inability to think, a clear indication of a con science as imprint of a dictation, where the dictation is not questioned, or even sensed.

Thus no sense, no common sense of what is spoken and actually said is heard, and thus we are not living our words, we are merely regurgitating dictations. This is an action of a robot, and since it is man, made of “organic” matter, then we, the human, are organic robots without any thinking, living, common sense capacity.

I remember asking such questions, well not the asking of the question, but the reaction of the adult, where I was told I did not understand, and that I was being difficult, and often that I was being difficult on purpose. Well, I was being difficult on/with purpose - one could say, but come to think of it what the fuck does that really mean?

My purpose of being difficult was simply asking a question, and obviously the answer was not in the program, so I was being difficult in relation to the program. I was not following the dictation as knowledge and information of set boundaries.

If we have a system, where we know that advertising indoctrinates, what would exist without this, as the admittance of the existence of this, as a force - and a forced thing it is- then what if the/this force were what is best for all? What if this force that we admit to is a/ the voice the dictate of what is best for all? The principle of, give as one would like to receive?

This is just common sense, it has nothing to do with being utopia.

Well, actually, he admitted that the absence of the dictates of advertising would be a utopia. So , thus we know the answer. To take away a emotionally directing system of advertising, would perhaps manifest a world that would be a utopia. Thus, do we all know the answer, we know that what exists is not utopia, and we know that if we take away the dictation self-interested desires propagation,  the way it is presently existing, then this world would become a utopia.

If one takes the time to look, then I am sure a list could be made of what a utopia is, without the wants, needs and desires presented by advertising.

A roof over one’s head, food on the table, and clothes on our backs. The basics. This alone would change this world. There is no reason why this is not given to everyone. There is no excuse why this is not what all life here has, as this planet cannot be owned by anyone, unless  we accept and allow it, especially since we do not understand what life is, or this planet would be cared for, as an indication that what is here is valued, as understanding something means to realize what it is, as can be seen with what advertising is, an indoctrination, thus unacceptable, as what is being indoctrinated is not caring for this world.

This is so simplistic. Denial is just plain ignorance, non-looking, abdication of self as life, and thus all life, since life is what we are, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the denial character, where I contradict my own findings and then refuse to see my own realizations thus abdicate myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to deny understanding the moment i face my own realizations in accordance with knowledge that what exists in this earth is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ignorance when a question is asked that would have me look at what it is I have stated that is a criticism of what is here, and yet to see the opposite as a means suggests a utopia, where it is assumed that utopia cannot exist and thus is presented as a pipe dream, ending any further discussion.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is understood that what exists is a form of indoctrination, and thus, within this, to actually stop and look at this process of indoctrination, and to look at what would happen if this indoctrination were taken away, is conceptually a twist unable to be made, which makes it clear that there is something amiss in an ability to actually look and question what is the nature of the human in and as this world existent in a system of inequality and thus the cause of abuse that is being accepted and allowed, making all that have roofs over their heads, and food on their tables and clothes on their backs, and televisions in their homes, essentially no different then men, such as Hitler, for the abuse that exists, as what those who have are in essence doing is not looking at what exists on this planet, and choosing to not look and deconstruct what is the broadcast of this system, that is a diversion, as the very thing dividing the human from actually looking at what it is, that is the force, that stops the movement of men into supporting life as the value on this planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many of the things I speak, there are obvious contradictions and yet when questioned, I become ignorant, play ignorant, as this would mean I have to, in common sense, see my own accepted and allowed contradictions, which are in essence contradictions against life, as what is what presently exists on this planet in the amount of abuse to other life forms.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry with the messenger, the person asking me to face my own contradictions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and to see, realize and understand that I have accepted set paradigms to the extent that I have become habituated to my own conversational statements, accepted and allowed, where I am in essence hiding behind a set of answers and phrases that should I be questioned to go beyond these set phrases, I become agitated and irritated, not realizing that in fact what is happening is that I am having to step outside of what is a habituated comfort zone of my own allowances in survival stance to get along and to go along, where the very need to “get along and go along” is a stance of non self directed being-ness, and thus an indication that I have accepted ignorance in favor of survival, an act that perpetuates abuse on this planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this limited and assumed interaction of statements as conversation, are in and as themselves a state of stagnation that hold those in this world in a state of stagnation, as those that have the time to converse statements of accepted limitation are the ones who perpetuate the state of this world in abuse through non movement as self in the words spoken, those speakers of such become irritated when contradictions are revealed, as this is not the being of self as life, but self hiding in ignorance of what self has accepted and allowed to exist despite obvious contradictions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not bear witness to what exists in this world, through purposely choosing to not face obvious common sensical contradictions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this is my survival suit.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that to say something is not my area of expertise in a system that is obviously not caring for life, is to say that the so called experts are taking care of this world, when in the face of this reasoning and the state of this world, clearly, the so-called experts are not experts or this world would contradict what presently exists, thus there are no experts in a system of inequality, or the abuse on this planet would no longer exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to  realize that despite all the supposed education that exists for those with money, the problems of this world are increasing, and yet I choose to say when asked to face my own contradictions, in a stance of ignorance, that I cannot know something, because i am not an expert, a simple hiding of my own common sense as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all contradictions must be walked through and faced to bring myself back to what is real, to understand that what has been accepted on this earth has been done by the human not facing what has been accepted and allowed, and that until the human faces itself within accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions and ideas of no follow through, the abuse will be what grows and not the resolution of the separation from self as life in common sense of what is physically here and how this physical world in fact functions.

I commit myself to researching what exists on this planet, as what is here, as the present system of not supporting life and if I look to my own words and my own beliefs, opinions and ideas, that are judgements in self interest as my own survival suit, I will see, realize and understand, as I already know, what it is that I am in fact accepting and allowing that is not supportive of life here.

I commit myself to realizing that it has been said many times on this planet by different men who have realized the inequality that exists, that the answer is to give as one would like to receive, and thus the answer to this world, this life, is to stand and support a system that supports all life, as life is the value, an equal money system that gives as this earth gives, to be life and give life as what one is, to thus become the receiver and giver of life here, to become a professional life giver.

I commit myself to becoming a virus as the living word, to upset the contradictions and face the storm of the discord against life through the practice of pointing out contradictions against life, to plant a seed, as a virus, in the minds of the human, to remove the survival suit that will not protect against the growing abuse that is the outcome of a system of inequality manifest as a profit based system that uses money to create a pyramid of more than and less than in contradiction to a freely giving earth.

I commit myself to no longer being shocked by the obvious use of hiding within such statements as, this is not my area of expertise, and to breath, and to face the words spoken, such as a disbelief in utopia, where in fact it is admitted that the removal of something would cause a utopia, and the belief, as what has been taught, that such cannot exist is just that, a belief, where facing the contradiction leads to an outcome of utopia, and thus what has been walked is the answer, that which need only be accepted as the answer is right here, right in front of us, only needing to be practically walked, in and as taking what is here and supporting all life through the principle of giving as one would like to receive, of which an equal money system is the means to begin to implement the support of all life.

I commit myself to no longer hearing, in and as conversation, the limitations of the mind, as the voice of fear and hiding only and  becoming one and equal to life, the giving as one would like to receive which means walking through accepted and allowed statements of contradiction.

I commit myself to no longer fearing the very substance of what is here, as all that is here is life, and thus the very substance of what i speak, as the words i voice, are the gift of life and thus can be aware as myself of obvious contradictions and thus face such limited insights, and mold what is here through common sense into and as the words I speak, as the very substance of life, to what supports all life in consideration of all life as what is here as being one and equal to me and thus able to be the voice of self responsibility as life one and equal through the relevance of exposing contradictions, leading to the outcome of a utopia,  where in common sense a system of equality, of giving as one would like to receive, becomes the diction of being one and equal as life.

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Desteni

Destonians