Meaning and Compassion
What is meaning? Or is meaning already here, as the physical in expression? Something that cannot really be described because if one is focused on that, the act of describing is inherent in the doing, and therefor cannot really be described, because the focus is in the ‘ magic’ of doing. With such focus, that slowing down to describe separates one form that state where things are done, as nothing was ever done within thinking about it.
Thus, to define ‘ meaning ‘ is the disconnect, in a way, it can only be shown.
I remember after getting lost in automated playing, at the end of my teens, and moving into realizing what I had done, as what I had accepted , as what I had allowed myself to get lost in. Since, no one else is responsible for me but myself, and real happiness is being focused, When I lose control of my own directing framework, I have to ask myself, where I had gone. As I said, I remember in my late teens, realizing that something was out of synch, as I had allowed an automated playing to supersede my own self direction with presence.
In my twenties, early twenties, I was trying to catch myself up. It took time. At one point, I realized that though teachers were useful cross references, ultimately, I was my own director. Instead of only following the instructions of a teacher, I started to go to recitals, and watch, listen and absorb the focus of other players. In a way, I would call it watching focus, meaning, watching the total focus of a performer. This began to accelerate my own playing, back into moving out of playing in automated ways, that ended up ‘ catching me up’ within myself. It is much like our cultural values, built from environments of the past. The rituals and practices of the past, made larger than life, than that life, that environment from which such actions were built, superseding the real presence that built the physical practices. One separates from being that which created the cultural behaviors, where the cultural behaviors have value, yet when automated, create a separation from real creation, as this measure of values, causes a disconnect from real living practice. Some say, that our schools, created to serve an industrial model, this in itself a form of monopoly as ideas about freely given resource use by the hands of men, are a form that is in automation, not moving in accord with what is necessary for human development in the present paradigm. ( I also have to ask myself if this is limited in scope as well, because perhaps the overall model was a consequence of a loss of real self direction - the kind that used a natural absorbent/learning capacity within a principle that inherently considered all things, as the golden rule; to take that which is good and does no harm.) To sort out what was happening to me took time. As how we work, is not taught, if anything, our present system is the opposite of what teaches us about who and what and how we are and work. And, yet, the means is the same. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Spare real measure and the capacity absorbs a mis-measure, causing friction and conflict with real focus, which is another way of becoming out os synch with creation. It is all practical, and really very simple. We are all spoiled by a ‘ rod’ that is not the real thing, as the actual physical reality. if we look, we realize that this is in fact the case. Try and speak this, and you will find that you can only speak what has been practiced. This, is amazing in a way, because it is the ‘ showing of what one is to one’s self.
One begins to move in a slower motion, so-to-speak, in that ritual built from the practical environment, that becomes an automation that ends up separating one from reality. Then, naturally conflict and friction begins. As with myself, suddenly, I met ‘ equations, as musical forms, and my own presence in what I was doing, had a hard time synchronizing with the new. Then, my own dismay, caused further disconnections! Then, I could not explain what was happening, and wanted to hide, in fear of my overall mis-take in focus being revealed. This is why, the small must be mastered, because in moving with the smallest of things, one has greater changeability when meeting with the more complex! Or, in meeting the new, the unexpected, the movement into creation, as refining what is consistent, and reforming, into new forms. This way that we work, can be abused, even when we are all the same, we are all of the same building blocks. We are individual and yet one, we are the means of the small, that can be individual and yet come together to create.
I was looking at the word meaning yesterday, and found it a difficult word to define. Most probably because it is a living thing, instead of something that can be placed into a written definition, as the definition can only be what it is not. It is like the word is me and .... It is the definition of me, and all that is me, being focused here. If I look at the statement ‘ the means to the end ‘ I see this to mean, my starting point is my ending point. If I move into a real mastery of something, I fine tune that expression, as the real head of the top of a pyramid of what I build into such a fine tuned point , that my actions fit through the proverbial eye-of-the-needle into life. It is to say, that I master the small through becoming equal to the parts, the units of building, which brings the small forward, and then I slowly master that, my neurons pairing back, into clean structures that I would call ‘ zip files’ that then becomes a clear movement, that is focused and clearly directed, and that allows a real presence within all things - in terms of my focus- that it a means towards real understanding, as equality with all things, that is that point that fits through the needle, into life. That is real building and that is what the representative triangle, means, as a real living process that is a math that is right here in plain sight. This is my perspective at the moment.
That is my, if not somewhat clumsy definition of what real meaning is and does, at this point in my process. What I do remember, within learning music, is that as I focused, even within political storms moving around me, is that this focus, where I moved into realizing I directed what I did, and moved into absorbing as watching and taking in with a more total real focus in real time, from those who had mastered more of what I was attempting, and as moving beyond only looking at building from being caught in mapping out every inch of me was when things began to move more, and this is where, I began to not only be aware of myself, and the others players, but also, the movement of the people in the audience. It was a process of becoming aware of the space around me, as when the structure of a more stable and sound understanding, with self directive principle, as being and living greater self responsibility, that expansion happened.
Also, it is here, that one finds greater calm, as we are happy when we are focused, and unhappy when we are not. As that projection of chasing qualities in others, is really the self seeking what the self has abdicated which is a natural ability to process the information that is the self, and this reality, in plain sight. Thus, in a way, competition is an illusion, and we need one another, to open ourselves up to ourselves, to move as a flock of birds, joining together to perform a synchronized dance of life, here. A pyramid schematic, is really a tool in a way, it is not something to monopolize earth resources into a limited schematic, to force into a one-size system. In this, there is no good or bad, as there is only creation, that is physical here. One must find, one’s zone of proximal development, because that is the point where one can move further and it is always right here. It is using one’s absorbent ability and realizing the structures of this reality. It is processing what is here, realizing that, just as we learn to crawl, we sometimes fall down, as in a process of ‘ side effects’ we learn real balance, which is awesome!
This is also why a financial system can both control being out of control as having forgotten this, and a means of great manipulation for those wanting to play god, in a system where god is the means to the end as the creation in expression as the physical. Becoming value judgements, creates and allows hyperbole and ad hominems, that are a movement into dimensions of separation from what is a real presence in this reality. These are not to fear, as they are gifts to reveal imbalances. This is where one can revitalize a natural ability to absorb what is practical, as slowing down to re-synch with reality. To reform the small, as slowing down to speed up. The heart cannot be flooded with sadness. as that is a misplaced compassion. This mis-use of compassion, is heavy, and a belief that one cannot ‘ do the math’ of discovering solutions that are always here. This takes patience and persistence in this present reality. The joy being to realize and walk the steps, the outcome being an effective practice.
Inherent in the word ' meaning' is 'me and',' which I see as me and here, or me and the physical, me and you. This being living oneness and equality. This being, employing the golden rule. If I ' come-pass (that) on ' in every step, with every breath, focused here, realizing that I can recognize automation within myself, I am, the most perfect of forms, to become the expression of the meaning of life here.
