The ungroundedness of self interest Day 767

Two days ago I had an interaction with a man. I had been waiting to use an ATM. He was the next in line. For some reason, I assumed he was with the person in the ATM. Perhaps because he was standing somewhat at a distance from the AT> The person in the ATM came out, and I moved to enter. He called out to me and I stopped. I immediately apologized and said I assumed he was with the woman. I was calm.

It did not matter, he then went on to tell me to go in that i was obviously in a rush, to which  responded again that I was as fault and had made an assumption, and that I had time. He then said the same thing again, that I was obviously in need, and that I should go. I did have the thought to go, while at the same time, I noticed what I have noticed before, which is a person not looking here, and instead looking at something else. He proceeded to walk away, as if in disgust.  It appeared to me to be a tiny tantrum. It is like a movement that is invisible, attempting to pull the space into something, that has nothing to do with the space, the moment, the living reality. 

What astounded me was how small it really was to go into something like this. Even though I was attempting to realize my own actions, I also in this noticed how tiny the emotional storms are. I have a sense of “ why” ?  There is no point to having these dramas. And, obviously the person wanted a situation in which to vent something.  I can have no idea what this person’s day was. It had nothing to do with me overall, and yet, it was unacceptable in another, overall. 

Lately I look at the discipline of playing an instrument and all the martial arts movies. The master has no time for emotional excuses or games because they understand that such things become a distraction, an interference, from being focused in the moment, as self, in one’s body. This is also why depression is always self interest, because what brings one into a state of ease, is being focused here, on this reality, in the practical. Given what is happening on the world stage, and the financial structure we allow through our participation, exciting polarized values about things is the means of manipulation. To make one thing appear more than another, in state of comparison, or competition, as this is what this creates, is the means of division from what is normal, which is  the practical and physical reality around us. Morals of judgement lacking practical perspective, are polarizing values, which is a separation from the practical.  How we ever allowed a banking system using interest mechanisms that flow all wealth to a government, via various round about structures, to then determine how we think, what we eat, and how we manage the consequences of not eating in ways that support our bodies, is astounding. It is a state of denial of self as life. It is living in an alternate reality, from the one that is here, and it is much much smaller, it is tiny. When that false reality of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, is made larger, by the self, in a bubble, an inflamed story of mis information and an incorrect use of the imagination, it creates a separation that is the proverbial veil that one allowed one’s self. We are all aware of this.  

In so many ways, it is time to stand up and speak about this. Sometimes in a state of learning something, one gets to the point where one must go out and stand up as this, as this propels the awareness into reality. One must stand and be the instrument performing, in real time, and not only within and behind the walls of study. What I have found is that I really face my own morality when I speak up about this in public. I am moving against a habit, in real time, and all the reactions are going to come forward, as they are the programming. yet this weeds out those who refuse to look. What happens is one begins to realize how small the storm of energy within someone is, how tiny it is,  how meaningless it is. One has to be like those martial arts masters, and stand no matter what, and not put up with excuses, and yet in a calm manner, not a suppressed manner, a present and  calm manner. Also, to realize that mistakes will be made, things will be missed, and yet this is no different than moving out of a private practice with an instrument into playing out in the world. One only learns to catch what one is doing, in real time and space. 

In one moment when this man reacted and insisted, as he turned away, I did have the thought move through me that he was busy projecting something and probably had not heard a word I said as he was busy in his own storied information. Even I moved beyond this, like saying no to the thought. This thought being small within myself. Just as I saw this movement as this that the man was being as small, so too was the same as a reaction within me towards him. What I am looking at here, is how much such states of being have the quality of a person not moving, not looking here, and ignoring the real space around them, like a glitch in space. with a tiny storm around the person. Just as the one I had around me, and just as the assumption moved me. It has a quality of not being present, and of hiding. 

I remember our dogs barking when the children went off to get on the school bus in the morning. They always started to bark, and never liked the big yellow school buses.  It always bothered me. Why were they barking so much? On some level, they could see that the children did not want to get on the bus and go to school. I realize that sending children off to be in a room every day for 13 years, to memorize information, is not what is best for them. This is how to inform them of what supports what upholds the present system that is raging wars, using the capacity of men for resource acquisition without regard for the life on this planet. We have allowed a government that is the model of what we are doing, within ourselves, and we are sending our children off for someone else to educate because we are so busy keeping the bubble of limited constructs of polarized values that consume us going that we cannot slow down and show our children this living reality.  The irony is , is that we made the choice to focus here, on this living reality, this practical and visible reality, we would find a real state of ease.  And, we mankind are so capable, we could make the change in a short period of time! 

Overall, walking mind constructs, to realize the patterns of our separation, as accumulated value judgements, from a starting point of an initial fear that compounds into a distraction that exists as a bubble around the self, is visible in its lack of presence in reality. It moves as a kind of frozen stiffness, like a glitch in presence, in being here. In children with whom I have worked, it triggers a restlessness, that can be refocused. One can realize the extent of this too, in whether or not one can hold something new within one’s self. If one cannot hold a word, for example and really define it to be clear and in tune, meaning one can use the tool as the word to bring one's presence into the greater whole as life, and as self in calm and  able to read information in a more self directive and self discovering state or manner, one is caught in a time loop, where a time loop is a body of storied and polarized information, having value judgements that separate one from what is more natural as a presence in awareness of this living reality that is this earth all around us. One could call this an emotional firewall. Even within the focus of one’s eyes is this visible. After all, what would one call a zombie or a vampire? 

I have a memory coming up of myself, standing in my parent’s kitchen. I must be in late elementary school or early middle school. In the memory, I move in a different way than I had moved before - or so I believe, or it had compounded to the extent that in this memory this movement happens to stand out more than others. I suddenly move to speak about information. It is like I can follow the patterns of the information and speak it out. It is like I move to stand in a picture, a body of ideas. It is interesting that while at the same time I sense the movement to stand in reality and speak up more openly about how this all works, that i have a memory coming forward of myself doing the same in relation to participating in communicating accepted storied constructs of information that had accumulated to the extent that I deemed it acceptable to move forward and speak it out to my parents. There is also a sense of gaining favor, or of being in synch with the measure of my parents within this.  I had stepped into being the cool aid, in a way. lol It is a memory that has the color of a first recital. There is also some sense of apprehension. And an awareness that I knew what i was doing, yet with full compliance. I was so focused on this that there was no real focus on an alternative at the time, in this memory.  Had I done this before, as in built up to this, with those times before having that moment where i remember running out to a tree to run from what I had resonantly allowed that I knew on some other level was not what was best? 

I realize that eventually, our awareness must become equal to the life around us as the physical. If we focused as who and what we are, as living physical beings, our focus on life, which is physical would so come to enjoy the subtle that are the forms that compose this life, that create the trees that we cannot live without. Trees that supersede any religious or political dogma. We are physical, and the physical reality is life. It is no wonder that what is real is in plain sight? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to drink the cool aid of knowledge and information without practical application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand within the ,gaming of storied information to participate in survival, in self interest, to gain favor within a bubble as the polarized values of and as my family, in separation from remaining as who and what I am as life, as a physical state of being, in this reality that is physical and all around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose a limited storied set body of information, with the rise and fall of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, instead of remaining practical, equal and one with and as a common sense of who and what I am as a physical state of being, as what is here in plain sight that is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how I participated within and as accumulating a storied body of information, to define me, to be the expression of and as me, that is knowledge and information without consideration of this practical reality as the physical, to gain favor, to survive, to such an extent that I forgot who and what I am, even having experienced the consequences of and as this, during my childhood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to set bodies of information, as firewalls of emotion, accumulated over time, and not recognizing this as what I had done within myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the same that i had accepted and allowed within and as me, as emotional feeling bodies composed of value judgements that separated myself from being present and equal to this reality, in all ways, standing as solution, within and as grounding presence in the practical, as this reality is must bigger and more alive, than bubbles of set bodies of polarized value judgements and the means to realize there are no problems only solutions, within and as creating what is best for all, as this is what is best for the self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that when and as an emotional storm is around me, or a movement in this reality around me, that it does not define me, unless i allow it, and that i need not fear such or believe that such is impossible to bring into being focused here, in this practical and living physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that subtle nature of what I allowed within and as standing up to recite what I believed in the moment was how I should be to gain favor, to survive as this movement in the kitchen as a older child, was done in complete self interest, with a sense that I, as me, as seeing only my own self advancement in collecting value points, as self interest, stood up to speak, there is a quality of myself pulling myself into moving space into a picture of storied information that is not expansive, and more singular as being in a bubble, where the presence of me, forces myself into this, in a way that it seems normal, when the very movement is a focus away from being present of the  very kitchen and its components around me, which is astounding that I dd not see, realize and understand what I was accepting and allowing, and for this I forgive myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this memory, I don’t even remember the adult standing there, I was so entrenched in my own recital of accepted and allowed information, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in where i am at the moment, that should I not recite what is collectively believed, as knowledge and information, as a set body of information, that I will be punished, when the real punishment is the suppression of myself, in standing in awareness of this physical and practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i need not believe that I must protect myself from emotional firewalls of value judgements, as they are really very small, and readable, in their movement of and as not being focused here, and that great patience and humbleness can be what it is that I become here, as who and what I am as life is able to remain focused here, in consideration of all things, breathing, slowing down and grounding myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a more, as being a more than, within and as being able to stand up and recite to prove myself being worthy, which is a stating point of and as a belief that I am unworthy, and not myself being focused here, equal and one with this living reality that is physical all around me, that is me, as it is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a storm in a tea cup, an emotional firewall, of and as beliefs, opinions and ideas, within believing there are more than wants needs and desires, when what and who I am is here, able to communicate and respect what is here, as the physical that is the same as me, composed of and as the same building blocks of and as reality, a life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must ‘ thrust’ myself forward, to gain, when I am here, physical as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is a need to rush, to stand up and recite, to prove, when I am here, as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compare myself to others, as in compete with others, when I am here.

When and as I find myself moving outside of being humble, calm, present, breathing, and remaining steady, within and as not only seeing and reacting as a mind consciousness system I have accepted and allowed I also slow down and realize what I am accepting and allowing as belief, opinion and idea, within want, need and desire, and I review to cross reference my own construct of separation and I place myself here, in focus on this living and practical reality, to sort out and follow through, to become a living practice and recitation in thought word and deed,  of realizing there are no problems and only solutions, to move out side of a narrow focus and to include all things as the practical and physical life that is around me, to forgive limitation, and expand insight of and as, to and towards this living breathing physical reality that is in plain sight.

When and as I find myself moving in fear, within and as the most subtle of movements, within and as me, I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in focus and presence of this living physical and practical reality, to reciprocate and recite a focus on the ability that is natural to be in self awareness of the physical creation that is life, in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself moving into a narrow focus as fear, as energy, as using knowledge and information to direct me, to substantiate me, as a belief, opinion and idea, I stop, I slow down and I breath, to ground myself here, to forgive myself to the life in plain sight here, as the physical. 

When and as  speak, or stand forward to recite, or direct myself into communication I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand what I am moving as, to check the movement of myself in relation to gain, to survival,  to realize where I am in fear of and as an idea of loss, or an idea of not being substantiated, as though I am not enough, which is comparing myself to an idea of and as what I should be, which is a distraction from being present and equal to this living physical reality, as such  - slow down, to realize motivations that I allow and have allowed to direct me that are in self interest, in fear, instead of realizing the illusion is fear, which I can realize as something I am believing, as such is the illusion, and therefor, I am able as the capacity of and as me as life, to have the ability to remain stable and steady in considering all things, here that are in plain sight. 

Day 747 My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

I recently interacted with what I saw as a very large emotional firewall. I have had enough experience in my life that I realize in moments that it was not so much what I said, but more in how I said what I said. What I mean by this, is that there have been situations where I called something out by name with a calm, with an intent of making something clear more than some gain for myself. When I did this, I noticed I was more effective in my communication. 

Conversely, there have been similar situations where I spoke up and called something by name, but my starting point was more colored with a desire, or a self interest motivated of and as fear.  In these situations I had to face the consequences, because that color , or desire, or emotion was still present, it would either be sorted or allowed to accumulate further, as to allow such, was to not address what had within the law of compounding remained, as it had not been balanced out. This is within the math of what one resists persists. 

I also notice that I tend to be very hard on myself, thereby creating my own emotional firewall of self doubt and self blame, leading to a sense of self unworthiness. Then within me, anger grows and I begin to become frustrated and lash out, creating that which focused more on a lack, instead of remaining calm and balancing, or sorting myself out, realizing a mistake as a means to learn a more correct balance, leading to a consequence of more effective communication. Emotional ‘ firewalls’ are an imbalanced resonant inner structure, one of denial of self wholeness, or being focused in awareness of all things, as all things are self in another life because the substance is the same in all of us. When becoming emotional, instead of looking within myself, and resolving the math of me, as polarized and warped values, I notice I start to blame and spite objects around me as the default - often moving into using label - when it is myself who is not focused and in respect of life, calling things by what they are in their physical relationship. 

Within this, I realize that I continue to have some fear of this, within myself and facing this within others, facing that storm of imbalance,  an emotional firewall, as a way for me to call this by name and begin to sort this out within the point that I am at in the moment, here.   I must realize to a greater degree that this is a process, one that is concomitant, meaning that balancing things out will have moments of mis-take.What is always right there, within and as me, as that ability to speak within calling things by name with that more clear voice that can be heard through imbalances as emotional and feeling energies. I have experienced the difference in my life in moments, thus this can be done, so to not be too hard on myself.  I realize that we are all capable of this.

Also, we cannot know what we do not know. Because of this, we cannot move past our inner conceptual indexing. Meaning, we cannot move beyond the level of our learning balance scale. Yet, we can practice referencing the practical, knowing the score of reality, respecting it and building a more direct relationship to/and towards it. This ability to reference reality, is more natural, and it is what children naturally are able to do, this which is somehow lost. Our children are a product of the math of their environment. And this starts in the womb.  They absorb the colored  state of conceptual lack  as the very signature of emotional firewalls, as mis-informed constructs of information, causing a distraction if not sorted out, slowing down a natural ability to realize the magic is in the physical doing. If we look at our society today, there is so little opportunity to actually do things, most exposure is through media and/or from memorizing information- this a direct disconnect from reality, by design. Even early books on education realized the need to  build relationships to reality. In this I am personally glad that President Trump is formulating apprenticeships as an alternative to high school, for example, because we as a society have lost a connection to living relationships in the learning process. Even such a situation can be manipulated, thus there is the need to understand overall, how we are formed, and to recognize emotional ‘ paranormal’ firewalls, because this is what such is. It is also necessary to meet a person where they are at, within, and to move froward from that point, as physical relationship building can accelerate learning. Also, through practical living applications - which is to say, one must bring the children back into building direct relationships to reality- this being done through words having a direct relationship to reality without the clutter of pictures. One must forgive the inflammatory polarized values of self interest, often visible as manipulation in space and time, and realize the only choice is to consider all things, and take what is good and does no harm. War is conflict, and it is used for profit, it is an emotional firewall on a grand scale, a form of manipulation that is conceptually separate from the living reality around us. War is a reflection of what each is within themselves, and the system is actually a protection for a lack of self responsibility in each individual.  It is a loss of insight into the absolute purpose of life, that absolute purpose being the living nature of taking what is good and does no harm. This is being/moving in harmony.  When two minds meet that understand a level of mastery that is so balanced and expansive, few words are needed, as just being in the presence of such, and recognizing it, is such a state of joy there is no expression that can be that, as that state is both fecund and silent. One could say it is the meeting of a level of inner structure that realizes we create who and what we are. 

Remaining calm and the illusion of the mind consciousness system. Day 723

There have been moments in my life where I remained calm in certain situations. This means in practice that I did not react to something someone said, these being actions where I resisted and rejected what was said - actions of spite and blame - which is pushing what someone has said away in a form of defense about that given answer or reaction of response. 

Instead, I simply remained calm and assessed what was around me in a more practical way and then directed within that practical application. Often this meant being sympathetic yet not ONLY accepting that sympathy as an end game. This means taking that measure, that belief, that dogma, that math as an idea, usually charged with emotion, as value judgements- always having a rushing quality ( easier to see in those moments of calm for WHAT IT IS WITHOUT JUDGEMENT)  and grounding it in reality. Meaning spelling out in words what would quiet that emotion and give it simple qualifiers towards making fears solvent and making the steps towards solution real real real simple. 

This kind of ‘ state of being’ is usually easier when I have learned this for myself, meaning I have removed mystery, and instead tell of an actual real lived process of moving beyond emotional storms of gloom and doom and fear and loathing ( reactions based on a fear that something can define who and what I am). In telling my story of movement outside of emotional reactions, having walked some practical application, the emotional storm becomes downsized and manageable. The illusion of it becomes so visible and the size of it becomes what it really is, which is really very small, that in the moments of calm, the sense of emotional reactions having no real power is greater and therefor not something to feel threatened by in any way. This lends in this understanding a natural ability to be calm.

Yet, why did I not apply this in all areas of my life? Why what I have been in one scenario I have not become in another? Why, over  time, and practice in living, has it taken me years to realize this to the extent that I practice this more and more? What is it that I allowed - because no one else accepted this for me but ME -  what I so readily see as an illusion in certain moments in my life? It was that same belief, opinion, idea that is a changed value judgement about something manifest as behavior of a loss of a sense of the practical. It is myself living a persona instead of remaining present in the practical - in being equal and one to this reality. 

I mean people, we have had generations attending public schooling and church services. What is in our minds is never reality, it is always about here, it is pictures about here, about this world, it is never ever what is actually physical HERE. Everything that is a thought, that is a projection, that is something coming from within our selves ONLY, is an illusion.

It really is time to stand and say this out loud again and again and again.  The degree of your processing of information ability is the degree of your/our/my presence and problem solving skills.

If you fear driving your car into a city, then you have lost your natural ability to conceptualize HERE! You have lost touch with reality. You have lost your SELF to an illusion of your own construction by acceptance and allowance. The greater your reaction to people, the greater your separation from reality. The greater your inability to change, the more stagnant you are in habituated structures.  You can hear this in the words you speak, and we all know this!  A busy-ness in accepting this in others is equal to the degree within which one expends all one’s life presence into an illusion, and the greater the loss of being able to place one foot in front of another absent a fear of falling!  The greater your inability to navigate this existence, manifest as behaviors of denial as in ‘ I can’t” for which you drag everyone else down with you, the greater is that tiny thing that is an illusion you have accepted and continue to inflame within and as YOU.  The greater the inability to process information the greater the illusion that is what is the distance between you and what is a natural and real ability to process reality, the real information of life.  And remember parents, the children absorb this in great detail if you are moving as an illusion! 

We become what we practice. What we practice becomes automated within our flesh as the math/measure/belief we accept and allow and repeat. When that math is not equal to the practice of a physical formation as reality, then the information that is us, cannot direct us effectively in reality.  When our actions of ‘ paint the fence’ as the small, are not with every breath cross referenced, to always check as respect reality, we can forget what we have automated as repeated as information that is always about something as what comes to program us. If that information is accepted without question, as without always giving attention to this reality, then that information programming us, as it automates us, can end up causing actions that do not fit into this reality.  If we force that mis-information on reality, we become by design cognitively dissonant from reality. If we continue to force this, we lose our natural ability to conceptualize life. Our within, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, become an illusion that we believe to be more real than life. 

Being calm is a cool marker of where one is at. Because, if one cannot become calm in a moment as this is where one reads what is here, being still like calm water, to take on the form of reality, to reciprocate reality, then one is not a master of one’s self. 

Why is it that the media uses so much drama, as gloom and doom made HUGE? Why is so much FEAR touted? Because that state of calm, is so powerful by the nature of it so able to cross reference within and without and move directly into problem solving with such steadiness of purpose that no manner of illusion can block that more direct state of seeing!

We, each and every one, have experienced this natural state of being within us. If we can remember those moments of calm, we can realize those moments of living illusion instead of life. we can begin to process the contrast of being calm and not being calm. And to realize, a passive aggressive calm is a form of suppression, it is not calm. Check the turmoil within!

We can begin to directly explain this to others through indirect actions. This means to share our stories of those moments we remained calm and made the illusions small,  creating actions that problem solved and grounded us in practical actions that were simple to carry out.  Illusion is no mystery as this is a play on words; ‘ mystery’ is really ‘ my storied’ information of which I through acceptance and allowance authored.  In other words, I/you am the one who awe-thor-ed the illusive mist-story/my story/mystery revealed through the degree of the loss of my ability to conceptualize reality! The greater my inability to move with presence and lack of fearing to do things HERE, in this reality, the greater the acceptance of an illusive mystery within and as how I have automated information that is me here.

The solution. Know the math, measure, song, mystery novel one has scripted as information within and as the imagination, as mind, write it out, remove the charged value judgements and script , or rebuild, the math of being present here, in this physical and practical reality that is right here, to ground yourself into life, into living. Relate yourself to HERE. Build a relationship to life as who and what you really are.