Thinking Big, Acting Small Day 795

Think big act small

This is a phrase, that I find myself repeating at the moment. I ask myself what does this mean? 

It is to utilize the what, where, why, when, and how.  All of these a basic math, as one recognizes the present, this moment, as such lends attention to the small act that is what one can do in any given moment. Such an equation of recognizing qualities of and as the things that are here as the physical, that substance one uses to move oneself as what one is here, as a physical state of being. These are the means to looking at the small as a sum of parts to then make a choice that respects what is here, as the very means of being, and to realize a focus of consideration with presence of more than only self, towards that which enables the self to exist.  I mean, why not master moving here, why not learn to move here, in this physical reality with ease? 

It is the same as mastering a musical instrument.  One must be aware of what is moving within the self, and the effects of what is created on the environment around one. If I did not maintain a balance, meaning myself moving with ease, the imbalance, as a tension, would accumulate and attention would have to leave focus on the greater whole, and attend to what was not attended to in the onset within the self, and rebalance and correct. That which accumulated and took attention away from being in awareness of more than only the self, as one cannot perform with a group if one is not listening to all parts. 

One’s language , as what one speaks as sounds, representing thoughts, reflective of the values one chooses to place on one’s tongue are never the real thing, and always about what is here, as one’e experiences. When we only listen to what one says, without placing it into the physical and practical context , do we separate ourselves from what is real, and take the picture show  ABOUT what is here, to be more than what is here? I mean, a baby is not born with language, with the ability to manipulate a tongue into words, this they learn from their environment. As is made clear in all reading research, as research in reading skills development, those who have a larger  effective vocabulary, simply have greater success. An effective vocabulary is what one tongues, having a direct relationship to the sum of the parts, as the integrity of this practical - because it is physical - reality, around us.

This would mean that we often focus more on the equations as the words people speak, than we do on the reality. Thus, words are a great means of self definition and also a great means of manipulation. Words from a distance, meaning words dictating what should be done in a moment in a given place, on this earth,  cannot possibly be in consideration of all the things that are in that place, because the presence of the parts of one given place is not possible from a distance within a consciousness locked in value judgements misusing the imagination. Such is a human being who has lost all sentiment, or sentience, because listening to the words of another, and building pictures in one’s head based on a starting point of a set of words, is a state of not being focused in reality. This is what, in all common sense, has been done with children placed in a box, away from reality, to then learn about reality, in a closed room, practicing making pictures in imagination ONLY, over and over and over again. When we repeat an action, we become that action, as this is how one learns about things, to look and to attempt to interact until one realizes the parts. Thus, to say we learn by repetition, is a lie, because we try and try again until we see, until that absorbent ability senses the parts and then practices moving them accordingly, within proper function. This is what we did without  manuals, as we learned to sense our arms and our legs and our tongue; we in essence,  sensed the parts and learned of their relationships to the whole. In this, we acted small, to think big, we acted small to become aware of the environment around us, that bigger extension of ourselves, the reality we were in a relationship with. 

The fewer words a person effectively knows, the greater the tendency towards degrees of violence and frustration. These are actions of force, which means that one does not have the vocabulary to direct one’s self effectively. One has not integrated the necessary small acts that are required to get something done effectively. In order to increase vocabulary, one must not only practice the language, as place correct sounds on the tongue, utilizing the human physical instrument effectively, one must also build considerate relationships of and towards the reality that is what enables that tongue to accept a sound to use to communicate. 

One example, from my perspective that reveals how great is the separation from considering reality, a physical reality, are the social warriors, who believe that the personality, which is a composition of values used to define a person is greater than the real story of creation as the real symbols as the physical reality that is all around us, that is here. Acts of resistance towards anything that does not perpetually substantiate that self definition which is of shadow as ideas about one’s potential is in fact, in measure, a state of resonant separation from reality.  Realize from a subtle shift in perspective, it is threatening to realize a personification of values used to define the self are potentially limited on a physical planet, if the planet should be considered before in-culturated/repeatedly practiced as absorbed from parents of the same movements , as a series of value judgements/self embraced definitions are an act in lieu of respect for what is the same as the self, as the physical. This means a shift out of reality, into self inner ideas about who and what self is and does. Here, imagination is mis-used because one is using thought in a small way, instead of thinking big, as respecting all of what one is on a physical planet, AND respecting that before creating a shadow of personification of ideas, as which qualities are potentially generating a more, which creates a system of survival as competition to constantly compare qualities as values composing a combination of ideas about the self rather than who and what the self as a physical state of being really in practical fact is. Recognizing the small , as all things, moving as always being in a relationship to the physical reality, with respect, as focus here, is acting small, and yet considering the whole. It is to act small, and to think big. 

This is why, those who have an effective vocabulary, have more effective action in this reality. An effective vocabulary, is really having mastered a larger number of words, where the words have a direct relationship to this practical reality. Personalities fighting for their justification, are a series of words that have a relationship to a busyness in self definition without regard for who and what they really, practically, physically exist within and as. It is a mis use of the imagination, it is acting in self interest, as taking what one has inflamed into what one is as a singular value, and expecting everyone to make one’s self projected value judgement larger than the real and physical creation surrounding the self as a physical state of being. Most of us fear facing that ghost in the machine, because we are products of this separation from reality, so well defined in a box, for 13 years or so, in total separation from reality. What a beautiful design to cause whole generations of people to completely lose touch with what is real, the physical. I believe it is a post script to our churches. Or even a post-script-spell to a scare-crow type of figure when the crops failed as agriculture moved into more monopolized designs. Was our initial worship that figure to scare away the crows? Was that a small movement, or force, against nature? Was that the first personification made idol with the stuff of the physical?  What was that small movement that started a time-line of events that built a tree of less dimension, as a picture show lacking focus on working with the practical living physical reality all around us? When did we forget who and what we really are? When did we forget that we are the sum of all parts, as the big, where respecting the small was the means to realizing the whole. I mean, have a look, why do we start with the abc’s and end with the SAT’s? 

It is all a math, and it is time to form in the image and likeness of what is the means of being here, which is the physical reality. This is to think big and to open up effective practice, as to act small. It is so simple- that personification of hyper inflated values as the character of personification, is the ghost in the machine that is composed of value judgements that misuse the body, creating electrical currents to perpetuate the picture show in the head, that burn up the physical body because one is not in real presence with the life that is here, that is physical. One has no real integrity. One must become like a Sherman tank tongue, and speak up about this, again and again, and again, until it is heard, until one sees this, because as human beings, that are haptic entities, we are most happy when we are aware, we are most happy when we are thinking big and acting small. 

A sense of falling Day 781

What is a sense of falling?

Why have I come to a point where I sense a movement of falling? I remember this sensation when I had to do an audition, or perform in a lesson at times. I remember saying no, and focusing instead. Somehow that focus lent a steadiness, the sense of falling ‘ not a place I wanted to go.”

It took my will to not move into falling. In time, with practice, this was always there, it was determined by me and how I focused. 

A master of a skill told me in my twenties that how I focused determined the time it took for me to learn something. It took a while but I did realize that point. From that point on, it became apparent that doing that skill, was pointless unless I focused. If I did not, how I paid attention, would follow with me. I see this, in using a tool, it shows me where I was and what was following me that I allowed.  Doing things that show one where one is, focusing on things, can reveal one to one’s self.  When we are speaking or listening, the nature of and as what we allow, can be so prevalent. It is the difference between being focused or being in that mode where what one allowed that distracted from that kind of focus remains, carried with one, because it is not sorted out.  A fear of speaking towards that, of seeing it - as I see it from my perspective - is a fear of facing that in another. Children often, remain silent amongst themselves, because they realize this,  to some degree and have probably given up in clearing it up, or realize that the person allowing this is the only place this can be cleared up.  In other words, we all know when we have not been here, it leaves a residue. Such a residue, builds a personality, and then one builds likes and dislikes, as reaction. 

This begs the question as to how we are using sound, as our words. Are our words clear of any of this, did we move with real focus and respect to and towards what is here as the actual physical world around us? Or, do our words carry a weight, as that supposed morality that we are not supposed to question as ideas of being polite, for example? 

Yet, as in my experience, those loaded with so much reaction are so due to an absence of real structure , or clarity, as we live in a world where things get done in practical ways and means. One need only look all around, at every house, at every road, as every man made thing and realize that no ONE ever did all of what was practically necessary to make that thing. No ONE. Everything around us is composed of many things, and what is composed by men has never been done so by one. Just because some one, was at some point of organization, does not make them more than another, they simply had more experience in working with how here, as the physical, is ordered, and can direct. Which begs the question as to why such ‘ living’ direction is not the awareness of all, focused here, without having a measure, as a morality, as that lack of real attention onto and as what is here, in common sense of and as how here works.  Are we as individuals caught in obstructions of our own allowances? 

There are people, who master things and realize that any one can do what they have done. This is why they come forward and teach, and share. There are those who self aggrandize and cannot see the simple and practical nature of learning. There are those who study something without ever living the practice of something, and then believe that they “ know” something. I noticed this difference within going back to school to get a teaching degree, after having actually applied something. When I was finally in the class room, I realize I learned more there, and faster than being in a room talking about teaching, reading these huge books about special moments that went on and on and on. These ‘ special’ moments where some movement in learning for a child, were made HUGE, within and as the belief that if one helps one child, one has done a good job - very limited thinking and unacceptable overall.  it is, conceptually, all a math. 

It has been said that people are uncomfortable around presence. Why would this be? Is presence that supposed ‘ light’ that ‘ cuts through all separation from real presence? Is presence, as how I am speaking about this, here, that  seeming invisible ‘ light’ that burns away all imbalances as an inner morality that has a resonance heavy with not being focused on the practical reality? It probably is that simple. It means that that which causes separation is the complication, or compilation of a lack of real focus on the practical. Since all things are sound, it can be heard. There is no escape. 

Overall, to realize that with every action, with every move, there is only one rule, one law; that is to do no harm. This means looking at what is effectively good, what is that which supports all those men, here, to do what men can do that is so visible all around us, because when we are focused, within this one law, we are happy, and we are so able to within this focus, come up with amazing new ways of doing things when we meet the unexpected.  This means we need no leaders, we need no gods, as the real expression of life, all around us, is being focused here, one and equal to what is here, in common sense of how here works that is so visible. 

One has to walk the mis-take, resonant within, to correct one’s focus, and purify one’s resonant information, pulled into shadows of and as value judgements of and as reacting to a sense of falling as one not being focused and using one’s will, as the difference between being infearfall and instead, as a steadiness stand up within this, which we are so capable of doing. One needs only to realize what does no harm. Life is a beautiful design. 

The ungroundedness of self interest Day 767

Two days ago I had an interaction with a man. I had been waiting to use an ATM. He was the next in line. For some reason, I assumed he was with the person in the ATM. Perhaps because he was standing somewhat at a distance from the AT> The person in the ATM came out, and I moved to enter. He called out to me and I stopped. I immediately apologized and said I assumed he was with the woman. I was calm.

It did not matter, he then went on to tell me to go in that i was obviously in a rush, to which  responded again that I was as fault and had made an assumption, and that I had time. He then said the same thing again, that I was obviously in need, and that I should go. I did have the thought to go, while at the same time, I noticed what I have noticed before, which is a person not looking here, and instead looking at something else. He proceeded to walk away, as if in disgust.  It appeared to me to be a tiny tantrum. It is like a movement that is invisible, attempting to pull the space into something, that has nothing to do with the space, the moment, the living reality. 

What astounded me was how small it really was to go into something like this. Even though I was attempting to realize my own actions, I also in this noticed how tiny the emotional storms are. I have a sense of “ why” ?  There is no point to having these dramas. And, obviously the person wanted a situation in which to vent something.  I can have no idea what this person’s day was. It had nothing to do with me overall, and yet, it was unacceptable in another, overall. 

Lately I look at the discipline of playing an instrument and all the martial arts movies. The master has no time for emotional excuses or games because they understand that such things become a distraction, an interference, from being focused in the moment, as self, in one’s body. This is also why depression is always self interest, because what brings one into a state of ease, is being focused here, on this reality, in the practical. Given what is happening on the world stage, and the financial structure we allow through our participation, exciting polarized values about things is the means of manipulation. To make one thing appear more than another, in state of comparison, or competition, as this is what this creates, is the means of division from what is normal, which is  the practical and physical reality around us. Morals of judgement lacking practical perspective, are polarizing values, which is a separation from the practical.  How we ever allowed a banking system using interest mechanisms that flow all wealth to a government, via various round about structures, to then determine how we think, what we eat, and how we manage the consequences of not eating in ways that support our bodies, is astounding. It is a state of denial of self as life. It is living in an alternate reality, from the one that is here, and it is much much smaller, it is tiny. When that false reality of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, is made larger, by the self, in a bubble, an inflamed story of mis information and an incorrect use of the imagination, it creates a separation that is the proverbial veil that one allowed one’s self. We are all aware of this.  

In so many ways, it is time to stand up and speak about this. Sometimes in a state of learning something, one gets to the point where one must go out and stand up as this, as this propels the awareness into reality. One must stand and be the instrument performing, in real time, and not only within and behind the walls of study. What I have found is that I really face my own morality when I speak up about this in public. I am moving against a habit, in real time, and all the reactions are going to come forward, as they are the programming. yet this weeds out those who refuse to look. What happens is one begins to realize how small the storm of energy within someone is, how tiny it is,  how meaningless it is. One has to be like those martial arts masters, and stand no matter what, and not put up with excuses, and yet in a calm manner, not a suppressed manner, a present and  calm manner. Also, to realize that mistakes will be made, things will be missed, and yet this is no different than moving out of a private practice with an instrument into playing out in the world. One only learns to catch what one is doing, in real time and space. 

In one moment when this man reacted and insisted, as he turned away, I did have the thought move through me that he was busy projecting something and probably had not heard a word I said as he was busy in his own storied information. Even I moved beyond this, like saying no to the thought. This thought being small within myself. Just as I saw this movement as this that the man was being as small, so too was the same as a reaction within me towards him. What I am looking at here, is how much such states of being have the quality of a person not moving, not looking here, and ignoring the real space around them, like a glitch in space. with a tiny storm around the person. Just as the one I had around me, and just as the assumption moved me. It has a quality of not being present, and of hiding. 

I remember our dogs barking when the children went off to get on the school bus in the morning. They always started to bark, and never liked the big yellow school buses.  It always bothered me. Why were they barking so much? On some level, they could see that the children did not want to get on the bus and go to school. I realize that sending children off to be in a room every day for 13 years, to memorize information, is not what is best for them. This is how to inform them of what supports what upholds the present system that is raging wars, using the capacity of men for resource acquisition without regard for the life on this planet. We have allowed a government that is the model of what we are doing, within ourselves, and we are sending our children off for someone else to educate because we are so busy keeping the bubble of limited constructs of polarized values that consume us going that we cannot slow down and show our children this living reality.  The irony is , is that we made the choice to focus here, on this living reality, this practical and visible reality, we would find a real state of ease.  And, we mankind are so capable, we could make the change in a short period of time! 

Overall, walking mind constructs, to realize the patterns of our separation, as accumulated value judgements, from a starting point of an initial fear that compounds into a distraction that exists as a bubble around the self, is visible in its lack of presence in reality. It moves as a kind of frozen stiffness, like a glitch in presence, in being here. In children with whom I have worked, it triggers a restlessness, that can be refocused. One can realize the extent of this too, in whether or not one can hold something new within one’s self. If one cannot hold a word, for example and really define it to be clear and in tune, meaning one can use the tool as the word to bring one's presence into the greater whole as life, and as self in calm and  able to read information in a more self directive and self discovering state or manner, one is caught in a time loop, where a time loop is a body of storied and polarized information, having value judgements that separate one from what is more natural as a presence in awareness of this living reality that is this earth all around us. One could call this an emotional firewall. Even within the focus of one’s eyes is this visible. After all, what would one call a zombie or a vampire? 

I have a memory coming up of myself, standing in my parent’s kitchen. I must be in late elementary school or early middle school. In the memory, I move in a different way than I had moved before - or so I believe, or it had compounded to the extent that in this memory this movement happens to stand out more than others. I suddenly move to speak about information. It is like I can follow the patterns of the information and speak it out. It is like I move to stand in a picture, a body of ideas. It is interesting that while at the same time I sense the movement to stand in reality and speak up more openly about how this all works, that i have a memory coming forward of myself doing the same in relation to participating in communicating accepted storied constructs of information that had accumulated to the extent that I deemed it acceptable to move forward and speak it out to my parents. There is also a sense of gaining favor, or of being in synch with the measure of my parents within this.  I had stepped into being the cool aid, in a way. lol It is a memory that has the color of a first recital. There is also some sense of apprehension. And an awareness that I knew what i was doing, yet with full compliance. I was so focused on this that there was no real focus on an alternative at the time, in this memory.  Had I done this before, as in built up to this, with those times before having that moment where i remember running out to a tree to run from what I had resonantly allowed that I knew on some other level was not what was best? 

I realize that eventually, our awareness must become equal to the life around us as the physical. If we focused as who and what we are, as living physical beings, our focus on life, which is physical would so come to enjoy the subtle that are the forms that compose this life, that create the trees that we cannot live without. Trees that supersede any religious or political dogma. We are physical, and the physical reality is life. It is no wonder that what is real is in plain sight? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to drink the cool aid of knowledge and information without practical application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand within the ,gaming of storied information to participate in survival, in self interest, to gain favor within a bubble as the polarized values of and as my family, in separation from remaining as who and what I am as life, as a physical state of being, in this reality that is physical and all around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose a limited storied set body of information, with the rise and fall of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, instead of remaining practical, equal and one with and as a common sense of who and what I am as a physical state of being, as what is here in plain sight that is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how I participated within and as accumulating a storied body of information, to define me, to be the expression of and as me, that is knowledge and information without consideration of this practical reality as the physical, to gain favor, to survive, to such an extent that I forgot who and what I am, even having experienced the consequences of and as this, during my childhood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to set bodies of information, as firewalls of emotion, accumulated over time, and not recognizing this as what I had done within myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the same that i had accepted and allowed within and as me, as emotional feeling bodies composed of value judgements that separated myself from being present and equal to this reality, in all ways, standing as solution, within and as grounding presence in the practical, as this reality is must bigger and more alive, than bubbles of set bodies of polarized value judgements and the means to realize there are no problems only solutions, within and as creating what is best for all, as this is what is best for the self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that when and as an emotional storm is around me, or a movement in this reality around me, that it does not define me, unless i allow it, and that i need not fear such or believe that such is impossible to bring into being focused here, in this practical and living physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that subtle nature of what I allowed within and as standing up to recite what I believed in the moment was how I should be to gain favor, to survive as this movement in the kitchen as a older child, was done in complete self interest, with a sense that I, as me, as seeing only my own self advancement in collecting value points, as self interest, stood up to speak, there is a quality of myself pulling myself into moving space into a picture of storied information that is not expansive, and more singular as being in a bubble, where the presence of me, forces myself into this, in a way that it seems normal, when the very movement is a focus away from being present of the  very kitchen and its components around me, which is astounding that I dd not see, realize and understand what I was accepting and allowing, and for this I forgive myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this memory, I don’t even remember the adult standing there, I was so entrenched in my own recital of accepted and allowed information, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in where i am at the moment, that should I not recite what is collectively believed, as knowledge and information, as a set body of information, that I will be punished, when the real punishment is the suppression of myself, in standing in awareness of this physical and practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i need not believe that I must protect myself from emotional firewalls of value judgements, as they are really very small, and readable, in their movement of and as not being focused here, and that great patience and humbleness can be what it is that I become here, as who and what I am as life is able to remain focused here, in consideration of all things, breathing, slowing down and grounding myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a more, as being a more than, within and as being able to stand up and recite to prove myself being worthy, which is a stating point of and as a belief that I am unworthy, and not myself being focused here, equal and one with this living reality that is physical all around me, that is me, as it is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a storm in a tea cup, an emotional firewall, of and as beliefs, opinions and ideas, within believing there are more than wants needs and desires, when what and who I am is here, able to communicate and respect what is here, as the physical that is the same as me, composed of and as the same building blocks of and as reality, a life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must ‘ thrust’ myself forward, to gain, when I am here, physical as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is a need to rush, to stand up and recite, to prove, when I am here, as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compare myself to others, as in compete with others, when I am here.

When and as I find myself moving outside of being humble, calm, present, breathing, and remaining steady, within and as not only seeing and reacting as a mind consciousness system I have accepted and allowed I also slow down and realize what I am accepting and allowing as belief, opinion and idea, within want, need and desire, and I review to cross reference my own construct of separation and I place myself here, in focus on this living and practical reality, to sort out and follow through, to become a living practice and recitation in thought word and deed,  of realizing there are no problems and only solutions, to move out side of a narrow focus and to include all things as the practical and physical life that is around me, to forgive limitation, and expand insight of and as, to and towards this living breathing physical reality that is in plain sight.

When and as I find myself moving in fear, within and as the most subtle of movements, within and as me, I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in focus and presence of this living physical and practical reality, to reciprocate and recite a focus on the ability that is natural to be in self awareness of the physical creation that is life, in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself moving into a narrow focus as fear, as energy, as using knowledge and information to direct me, to substantiate me, as a belief, opinion and idea, I stop, I slow down and I breath, to ground myself here, to forgive myself to the life in plain sight here, as the physical. 

When and as  speak, or stand forward to recite, or direct myself into communication I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand what I am moving as, to check the movement of myself in relation to gain, to survival,  to realize where I am in fear of and as an idea of loss, or an idea of not being substantiated, as though I am not enough, which is comparing myself to an idea of and as what I should be, which is a distraction from being present and equal to this living physical reality, as such  - slow down, to realize motivations that I allow and have allowed to direct me that are in self interest, in fear, instead of realizing the illusion is fear, which I can realize as something I am believing, as such is the illusion, and therefor, I am able as the capacity of and as me as life, to have the ability to remain stable and steady in considering all things, here that are in plain sight. 

What is the truth? What is truth? Day 766

The process of what one does and moves as and focuses on is the process of self forgiveness. It means to realize how we move within ourselves and what effects that movement of the part as the person and what forms that person, does in this physical reality. As all parts effect the whole. The sum of the parts composes the whole. One must consider the whole and the effects one has on the whole when making a choice.

if our children are placed in a box for 13 years, on average and are told to memorize a story, is there any real practice on the whole? No, there is  a practice on a story told by observers about something, which can never be the real thing and becomes a picture about something because that is, no matter how close, never the real thing.  It is a design that is not working and because of the simplicity of the creation of practicing a non- real relationship with the whole that one is a naturally a part of, a separation from reality is the outcome. We see this in the growing ill-ness or dis-ease through the label we lend to the problem as cognitive disorders and processing disorders. Thus we have the capacity to see, we see the default and yet are so self involved from the same background, that we have no real spatial ability to see the movement of all the parts and what our effects as the choices we make, create. 

Inherent in the accepted design of our schools is the inherent separation from reality in the adults. I saw a video yesterday where a child was talking to cat, and what heard the child saying is something like, we are looking here, seeing here, we are not looking at the pictures. In walking time lines of and as how I created my own separation from reality, a memory comes up that astounds me, it was so buried and yet a part of that memory remains with me, even though I could not remember the exact memory. I was in a moment as a child, where i had realized that I had created something that was with me, that would have to process through me. I was upset about it and did not want to move through it. A pattern that has remained with me. That one thought of not wanting this to happen again, in a way developed an avoidance of interacting in ways that created the same scenario. It is a root movement into indignation, as indignation is not wanting to dig into something. Being in such a state is a constant protection, which becomes a distraction, or a lack of focus on this reality, causing a separation as so much of what is here is missed. The consequences of such a separation can only grow insecurity as so much of what is real is missed. It is a math, it is visible.

We see this on the world stage, where there is so much conflict between nations and between many factions, even down to the municipal level. We have a war for resources to reform them in the guise of good and yet the earth has become so polluted that cancer in the last decade kills more children than what was the previous number one killer of children which was by accident. In the law of compounding effects, all those supposed ‘ no significant differences’ as the choices made to practice, have accumulated and are now effecting the most innocent, destroying their life before it is even begun. 

We are using resources to form some idea about how life should be instead of realizing how life is. What did we expect when we followed stories instead of practical reality as the physical? Did it start with forcing agricultural practices that did not move in tandem with the physical? Is the whole permaculture movement about moving back to working with nature instead of forcing her into some monopolistic model, which is telling of the problem in the first place? Is monoculture the model of efficiency that we have been told, as storied information accepted and allowed to be sold to is that it is? 

If our public schools by design are a narrowing of focus into a limited narrative, then what is religion overall but a distraction of a story of information separate from the physical and practical reality. When a nation believes that some god said a land was their people’s land even thought the obvious is right in front of those people that they are all the same, they eat and defecate just like all the animals, why do we not see the delusion if information before reality?  We believe the story of information told to us, as we become the program of the information told to us, as story that is a distraction from reality, that we have made the story larger than life, even to the detriment of our children, those that have no story within them and when the resonance of the past as what was generated and accepted and allowed before them, comes up, do they understand how to recognize it, and does it too compound causing cancer coming from that past as mis-information that is a story line separate from this practical and physical reality? It is a much better and more sound explanation that any of the corpus of information sold via stories told in a box away from practical reality. 

All the conflict on this earth is the battle for the mind via mis-information, via false stories that ignore the practical and physical reality that is the means of life, that is life information. And it is right here in front of us. 

What is a truth? Try holding your breath, and see what happens. Thus the physical reality, the one thing we are allowing ourselves to be distracted from, is what is real. We are all the same. 

What does it mean to really know one's words Day 751

This morning I woke up and went into an imaginative doom and gloom scenario. I caught it and stopped, breathed, and looked at it. It was a presence behind me, I noticed how I leaned slightly forward physically. Then it hit me. It was like a tree of fear, composed of revenge, and worst case scenarios. My deep mind shadow state of being, with a consequence of no real presence and acknowledgement of the living reality around me.

Last night I had interacted with a  group of people. There were a couple who had a lot of ticks, physical kinks in a way. They had a hard time maintaining a consistent eye contact. One started to tell me of a marriage that was at least 34 years ago.  I can remain calm in this, yet I could say that before SF and SC and writing, I would have wanted to run from the room, not realizing what I was seeing, and absorbing it more, like a friction, a resonant friction that was too hard to bear. Myself wanting escape. At present, I have greater stability, and can hear this, and listen to such storms, even within myself and call them out by name, these trees of fear, these veins of fear, of a mis-take of life. All of them a math, as an accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions.  What would I be if I had created a tree of life within me, as me? A tree that reciprocated the living physical reality around me? Would I be more in synch with creation? It is not a question of would, it is a question of why I wouldn’t be, as it is common sense. 

It is interesting within the system, as I have just done my taxes. I have been doing them myself for a while. It is interesting to see the machinations of the system as it bullies and forces what feeds a few instead of what is best for all. At this point, if one does not abide by a one-size-fits-all-petro-chemcial based health care, and one opts out for some ‘ religious’ group, as a philosophical exemption has basically been removed behind some closed door, where no one in the state on all the levels seems to take responsibility and only passes it around,  that if one opts out, under the guise of religion, one is also making the choice to opt out of social security- that system of retirement, where the labor of men, collectively pool their digits for their labor into a system for retirement. If one opts out of health insurance, which has the layer of being under some religious belief ( like human fetal cells in vaccines) one also opts out of social security. I bet one must still continue to pay for it, from one’s job. How we cannot see the inherent corruption, the blatant corruption within this construct and stand up, really astounds me.  Also, there must be others that see this, because years ago, a bill was brought into the state senate for the choice of emergency health insurance only, which means that many people in this state worked together to not participate in allopathic medicine. Thus this method, that many are not wanting to participate within, and it is known,  make the choice to use it in extreme emergencies, yet opt out in the long term. What the system has done, that system of supposed care, is brought forward a construct that is being bullied and forced.  This is so corrupt it is astounding that the collective does not stand up and say no. Yet, there are many that must be doing so, because the forcing of this, is in deed a recognition that many are very aware of this. It is also interesting to note, that the CDC is supposedly bringing forward statements that the science behind their choices, is closed. This in itself is astounding. It is the reaction of being placed in a corner, which means that many are, again, in deed, speaking up and questioning what is being accepted for the collective. Unless there is the choice of balance, and no harm then the science is not yet sound. It is as simple as that. If we can understand how to develop a healthy race horse, and know what builds a healthy nutrient dense plant, then we know how we work on a basic level. I mean, we know what elements to pull from the ground to build things. A cook knows the most subtle of things to cook something. A mechanic knows all the parts and the fluids used in an engine. To say we cannot understand the body, the human body, is simply a misnomer. Choosing a belief in a lack in one area, and being common sense in another, breeds questions, and those questions are being asked, as the reaction of protection done with force and limited choices, reflects a push back on what is proposed. This should lend courage to everyone. It is time to be brave with consistency. It is a time to build a tree of real investigation and understanding, as too many children are suffering the consequences. Not to mention the animals and the living environment. 

Overall, my own ‘ tree ‘, accepted and allowed, of fear, of non real substantiation of life, of the practical, is the same. It is a focus on lack, a denial of common sense. The common sense all around me, and around all of us as the physical world. Of course, the solution is to rebuild. It is to build a tree of life within and as me. It is to stand as the practical, to realize the resonant seed of and as me as life. It is to see all the layers that build into what manifests as physical ‘ ticks’ that I could say are suppressions of mis-takes in understanding how all of this works.  It is to realize that the mis-takes, cannot define me unless I allow them, and that I can stand and listen, and recompose, resolving the fears, bringing them into the practical. It is to realize, as many are, that the physical world is abundant with provisions to stabilize the physical, in symbiotic ways,  creating a orchestra of balance as the sound of what does no harm, as this is the sound of creation, and our real ability. It is to forgive the fear, and to stand with what is balanced and substantive. This can be done, with words. We can, because it is what and who we really are, stand and hold the words that build a tree of life. It is our real birthright. What is so awesome is that we are the very means, and design to be and do this, and that this is more natural than the tree of fear, that tree that weighs us down, pulling our chests forward, that very chest, the means to lend compassion and patience and calm, and respect for who and what we really are. 

A musician that has mastered an instrument is understood as ‘ no longer having to think about it’, meaning, one does not hear them thinking. This has a quality of flow to it, such a mastery, I would suppose, is similar in athletics. If someone mastered their words, the same would happen, meaning, one would restore a direct seeing, and voice what was real, without hearing the weight of thinking. It is in a way, as I surmise in this moment,  like using words to describe this world, this living reality, the one in plain sight.  It would be communicating with and as this actual, real, tangible physical world surrounding us, the one producing the air we breath.  In this, words are of course, not that thing they describe, I want to say, in some ways they are a movement of conception, or a fine tuning.  Humans must master the very sounds as words we speak.  I mean, listen to the birds, they appear to me, to be so specific in what they sound.  Is speaking in clarity absent of any forcing, and present in what is a more stable, and eternal, focused sound? Is it more of a playfulness? Need one exist as fear within this state of musing?  Should one not speak for attention and more for bringing forth the beauty of clarity? When one has the opportunity to hear a musician that has mastered an instrument to such a degree that there is no thinking being heard, it is a pleasure, as it is so in tune, so present, it catches all one’s attention, and yet it does not demand attention.  It is also, from my humble experience, a state of greater ease,  because humans are anxious when they are uncertain, and happy when they are present, focused and balanced. Balanced with and towards what? The physical, the living reality in plain sight. 

Thank you for reading! 

Processing information and a false morality. Day 731

I begin to realize how slow I am within processing information. It is that I process information within my imagination, or my mind, abdicating myself from what is more natural, which is to see directly here.

Bumping up against the dogma that is what such a means of directing self is and does as a mis-use of the imagination. The reactions are more about myself, processing the disconnect, listening for what is a truth, and being empathetic, to give directions I would want for myself. This also involves realizing that I am the same as what is here, as all this physical world around me.

In a way, that is real power, to move what is stagnant and empty into becoming a river filled with life, with creation, with being engaged and present.

I must remind myself that thinking about playing an instrument is not playing the instrument. Playing the instrument means understanding the starting point, the smallest movements, the mechanics, and then practicing them which does not need as much time as one might think given the present systemic design of divide and conquer through beliefs, opinions and ideas without practical application. IN a way, words represent thinking and thinking is not one’s self being present. After all, I do not think when I play an instrument, I am with that tool- it demands focus more than thinking. The real divine, is being present, equal and one to the physical, which means, in this moment, for me, to value being physical, being here, sensing the physical, learning to process the information of and as it.

We have a system that wants to take an orange, for example, divide all the nutrients and sell them in parts, to manage our health, which is really us abdicating our own self responsibility to sense ourselves, of which the physical is us. We have schools that place us in boxes for 13 years, or more, and micro-manage what we think and how we think. All of this sounds good, as structure is necessary ( what is the physical?) yet it is suppressing the use of all of what we are, as we are sentient beings, here. Learning how things work in a paper context enables the control of information. That information can be divided and limited, a lie-by-omission, and it can be filled with bias ( the red flag being a formula of inflammatory language coupled to truths), because imagination and real doing are two different things. As I said, one cannot learn to play an instrument, or do a sport, thinking about it. Reading information is important, as it is how we can read about what is happening in places we physically have no presence in. Words are important because we humans use them to communicate. Reading words and speaking words are the same thing, what we sound we create, we place as measurable tools within ourselves. If what we accept, because we accept it when we follow its authority without cross reference, we place information without our physical bodies that is not directing us effectively, and does not fit into our bodies. We lose flow, our bodies age, instead of moving with grace and connection with the physical world. We lose an ability to process information that brings us into an understanding of really knowing something because we are ultimately happy when we are effectively engaged. We would only fear this if a change into such responsibility appears to be too much, such perspective revealing a state of a lack of ability to process the information of this physical reality. This would mean that we need more information, or have the space to see the steps back to ourselves as this, and realize that it is in deed, a gentle unfolding back into what we really seek, which is ourselves. IN the need, we would gladly, and respectfully, give the digits of our labor to this. It would be a way of giving thanks. 

If we go and look at a test that was given to students in the middle of the last century, probably  none of us could process the information on the test. This is how great the loss of ability, and self responsibility is within us. We have the compounding problems to mirror this effect in our children, as all the attention deficit disorders. The consequence of self abdication of self responsibility is all around us. It is there when we are sold the products in the supermarkets, that are over processed, losing nutrients, to the point where that same seller/chain has an isle filled with vitamins and supplementary products. Divide into many parts, to sell, for profit. This mirrors what we have accepted within ourselves, as it is really an abdication of our real power to be responsible. It is time to focus, here, in this physical creation that is life. The way is all around us. It is like a parent that wants what is best for all life.

The labor we do every day, being reimbursed through money, that we then define who and what we are through what we allow to be sold to us reflects our awareness, or the use of our ability to be aware. When we turn on the television, we are purchasing information, when we walk into a huge chain supermarket, we are being sold, through buying what is offered in this market. When we face new information, at a job, as a new way of doing something, we can blame nothing and no-one for a loss of our processing speed of information, because we paid for the public schools with the monetized digits of our labor through our real estate taxes, we bought what was sold and it has become our souls. We are souls who have accepted and allowed a system that simply reflects the abdication of a natural ability to process information as the physical- that world that we move in and get things done in. We have allowed a chain to exist as an authority, not realizing in accepting that, we have enslaved ourselves into a self accepted suppression of and as who we are as life. This must come to an end, and we can become responsible and be happy. 

Human beings are happy when they know something enough to do it, to stand and accomplish goals and simply get things done. In our homes we can learn how to care for that home, understanding what maintains the things from nature we use to build a house. When given the opportunity to do so, we are quite capable. The opportunity to do, to communicate with what is here, and with others, is fun. When we resist, as abdicate responsibility we suppress who and what we are, and sharing where we are in our understanding- realizing it is okay to do so because this is how we learn/correct-, which is in our connection to seeing reality directly here. 

Lately, I have looked at the point of having to say what I am. On one hand, because of the system of abdication of one’s ability to be sentient,  I have to use my systemic credentials to have some effect. Yet, having to say what I am, and what my systemic experiences are, is selling myself, instead of living what is best. This means, to speak in clarity and author what lends self direction here, in this reality. This behavior is living and being what is best for all, giving/being as I would want for another. Just as I look for potential, for what gives an awareness that is focused, engaged and potent with this physical life recognition within myself, so must I for any and all things around me. Realizing what is best for me, is what is best for all. 

lol, I realize, to some degree, I may have some morality around this point of ‘ not having to say what I am.”  It is a twisted form of indignation. Meaning, something like ‘ can’t you see my polish, my breeding!”  ( The nasty things coming from what I have accepted and allowed as belief, to survive in this system that is of and as such, and as a consequence, and within the law of compounding, a distraction from reality and a voice of self interest- this can only lead to isolation and a busyness in dogma that is not a state of being happy, real happiness!)

I have the capacity to be as water, to support this physical world, as be so clear that I can, instead of creating hyperbole to thwart and control- such as having to tell others what I am- I can ground myself and stand here, a self willed equal, as the value is realizing that taking self responsibility happens from within, and that means making mis-takes which need not define who I am, and as a process define my words into real relationships with physical living, to increase my ability to process what is here, and know what separates me from what and who I really am. I am physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a superior morality, believing that I am more polished that another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as some dark moral entity, as a belief, as words composing a thought, polarizing values, and distorting reality in and as a state of mind, as imagination without regard and respect to and towards who and what I am as a physical being, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a nasty, spiteful, verbally attacking beingness, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is myself in a petrified state of fear.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this back chat that I have accepted and allowed is not what is best for me, or myself being a self willed equal to and towards life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to divide myself from the divine of and as the physical as life, within and as accepting and allowing judgements, comparisons, imaginations, as this is a memory of illusion , based on a past of and as separation from who and what I am as life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a morality, within myself, as what I have allowed to define who and what I am, as false positives that have no promise into what would bring happiness, as a happiness that can withstand the test of time, this happiness being defined as being grounded and potent, here, being sentient as what and who I am as a sentient beingness , being thankful for the physical creation as life manifested.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the subtle morality I have practiced and embedded, as embraced as a bed of and as who and what I am as a self definition, that lacks equality and oneness with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase a carrot on a string within and as an idea as a moral of and as the nasty words ‘ don’t you see my polish’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the movement of silent indignation within and as allowing such a thought as ‘ don’t you see my polish’ something practiced as protection and defense in survival, to the point where I had to slow way down, and deconstruct my own movements as energy within and as my memory, my imagination, the accumulation of ideas, as information, to define me, and for this self abdication of myself as life, as that part of me that can in capacity consider all things as this is what is natural as the potential of myself as life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the use of such words as a thought, become silent and barely readable within, as ‘ don’t you see my polish’ and have come to be my own acceptances that suppress myself as life, and , as an act of comparison instead of problem solving, isolate me from what would lend happiness as the real nature of who and what I am as life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from what is tangible, and potent, and real, as the physical here.

When and as I find myself moving into back chat, as nasty words of protection and defense in and as my mind based on a morality unequal to life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, as I see realize and understand the real joy of being, as sentient being, that must physical be,  to enjoy being present here, as self willed, self willingness nature, like water, to accept all things and to take that which is good and does no harm, and to practice this, to restore what is natural, as myself as a physical being, to process the information that is here, as the physical to direct myself in ways that enjoy who and what I am for real.

   

When and as I find myself fearing to face my own morality, as false positive that has proven to have no real sustaining promise, I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself to inform myself equal and one to what is here, as the physical, and to process what is happening on this world, to remember myself to more than what is in my immediate environment, to practice processing information as an act of respect for all things, here.

When and as I find myself reverberating back chat that is nasty and dark I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand my own accepted and allowed morality, based on survival, and I stop, I breath, I slow down and ground myself,  and I practice using common sense, as who and what I am capable of as a sentient being, to understand here, and stand as what is practically best for all, speaking as measuring, as stating in words, to build thoughts that move as deeds to and towards a knowingness that stands in lasting joy and happiness to share a process in action, that realizes the value of creating in tandem with who and what I am, the physical, and to within this realize that what is here is me, and what is here as all men, is the means to the end, as it has always been, as many working together to build heaven on earth. 

A mis-use of pride- something to sort out! Day 729

One thing I notice within myself, in terms of processing my own storied information, biased and based on not having enough information, and/or not listening and looking at the practical, as myself as a living being that is physical, is how much I resisted problem solving. Meaning, the lack of looking and listening, as a consequence by default of justifying not having taken the time to sort things out, as to really know the ‘ score’ of practical reality. This in itself is like an entity of self pity within- a thing that can accumulate in the back of a person.

I have a memory, of myself, walking down a New York city street, as a teenager, and wondering what was in the back’s of people. At this time in my life, I was beginning to see the realities of this world, especially from being exposed to the modeling industry as I had sisters involved in this industry. I was watching my peers move towards their ideas of entering this world too. I could cite many examples; seeing my friends moving from one group to another, changing their dress codes etc. all to fit into an idea of what it meant to ‘ grow up’ and leave something that was unique within them behind. Such a change is stark when it involves moving into playing the modeling game.

Another area was music. I would perform on the street for a teenage discretionary income. It was much more lucrative then working a minimum wage job. One winter, I worked at the huge Macy’s department store on 34th street. I encountered fathers bringing in their children, asking them to put on one of the coats and to then walk out. The child crying when the coat was taken, the father inflated and little, conflicted in getting caught, not getting his daughter the coat, and she being a witness to this.  I encountered the boss, verbally reprimanding me when her boyfriend would come in at the end of the shift and spend all his time talking to the teenage girl- the new and younger woman on the floor ( which was me). In this I was trapped, there was no where to go. I even realized that I was moved at the whim of the boss, to be placed in the most demanding situations. When it was slow, I was on the floor, cleaning up the children’s cloths on the down time, when it was busy, I was on the register. I suppose I would do the same thing, were I the boss, because it allows the boss to watch over the operations of the whole- yet at the time, I thought I was being punished! lol

In terms of street performing, it had its dangers, yet they were manageable, it was more a taboo, seemingly too loose and independent for my friends as we grew older. That minimum wage job, an entry level job, was more safe. Even on a bad day on the street, for a couple of hours, the wages were better than two hours in a store.

I remember one time, taking some of my mother’s paintings to a street fair. I sold two of them. Two out of three is not bad. It was a risk. I remember feeling like I was doing something under the societal rules, yet could not see NOT doing it at the same time.

Two things are coming up within me in relation to these memories coming up. One is how much my own limitations, in terms of what structures I should move  as within my society to get things done, and how limiting such ideas about such things are, based on real experience. That thing, in the backs of the people that I sensed in the midst of other activities in my life, during childhood, as in a sense, myself seeing what was happening around me, as limited ideologies of should’s and should not’s compounding as a moral imagery within people, walking as personifications of such, creating firewalls of belief within them. A heavyness that lacks movement and settles within, separating awareness from real living movement, as those practical things one can do that are always here. It is only belief and a fear of things that limits.

In so many ways, people really do want to help other people. People also can become intensely jealous of others. I define jealousy as feeling lousy, because that person, for example, is performing out there on the street and they ( the jealous) are not. It is a kind of reflective exposure to one’s own lack. Some rejoice and enjoy, others draw back in shame. The resisting states of being, a fear of facing reality, the practical, the simple steps necessary to get things done. 

At the moment, I have a friend I met as an adult, with whom I had a ‘ falling out’ come back into my life. They are interested in something I am doing. They have run a large business and done extremely well, affording them freedom that most of us only wish for. They have had the best education many only dream of. Within all of this, I am meeting intense reactions within what I am doing,  that they have become interested in. There are times, I just watch, slow down and listen to a tirade- of which I feel I am not allowed to possess. Time frames in regard to such reactions, I have learned do not exist. My moments though small, are huge, yet within a math, this would be the outcome. The only math is their math- their belief system of what is proper. Some of it worth assessing, carefully, to clear things up. And just as we practice new formulas, to incorporate them to the point of using them without thinking about them, applying them directly, in a moment, such things take time. It is much like we have been told; walking through a valley of good’s and bad’s, biases created from learning things in a context away from practical realty- that place/space where we live and see and interact  directly, employing all of our senses- this being a more natural and fast way to learn. Memorizing things in separation from here, is slow, and a means of control. When we can start to realize this, we can change this world in probably less than a decade. That is how well we as human beings can absorb information, this inFORM being the physical reality around us.

I was told at some point to use my past, and I have not done this as much as I could. Using my past, has a point of shame for me, because I have learned that pride is a false promise. It was at a point where I had enough experience to realize that pride in itself, was a false promise ( forgetting that the means to the end is the joy). This point a moment where I made the choice to not take something as a point of gain, in terms of being more than another, as defining myself as that, I chose to forgo the bling of a trophy of more, and instead realize that the magic was in the doing, in living the means, where the goal was important as more a completion of developing understanding.  As a dveelopment of understanding sustained and self emwpoered one’s focus and thus, capacity here. That understanding one’s greatest asset- the gift that keeps on giving, and therefor benefitting everyone. 

Now that I am older, or have spent a greater number of years as a physical beingness on a physical planet. I notice how so many of my friends, and people near the same age as myself, are losing spatial skills to greater and greater degrees. This is that thing in the back, taking over. This is that limiting set of beliefs, informing the machine. This is those beliefs of ‘ more’ that limit practical actions. This is the mind con-sciousness within all of us, as an abdication of reality. one can sense this, in the loss of spatial ability. This is a loss of focus to what is real, the physical. It is a self that cannot move through the  eye-of-the-needle.  This is self in separation from self, and instead a construct of ideas, beliefs and opinions, an inner math of bias, moving as waves of energy through one, so consuming, one forgets to breath. It is visible. If a high school student can sense this, it is visible, it is knowable, and with refocus, it can be deconstructed and changed.  THis is what it means to ebcome a master of self. No one can do this for self, but self.

I notice this in my friend. They are losing skills they had. And yet, they understand on some level that something is out of whack.

What I notice about myself, is a fear of facing a limited morality, of doing the math, despite having practiced this, and moving with greater ease in relation to calling things out by name, by measure, and standing within that. It remains with a color of losing something, even though within focusing in reality, as the practical, and understanding what a more perfect practice builds, as a more direct seeing that has a quality of something powerful and eternal, I still feel that I am cycling within something. 

At the moment, the answer that I have for myself, is that building community is spreading awareness, and that practical tools to balance out that heavy thing in the backs of men, are here. If this were easy, and I looked for quick fixes, I would, in essence, never learn to play this instrument of life, that is me here. The means is the end. To face the storm, alone, means to do the math, to leave this earth, without leaving, as in, to stand within equality and oneness with what is best for all.  That is priceless, and it is a joy too, within the present system, give thanks in directing one’s labor to and towards what enables one to become clear within, to no longer fear ‘ doing things on-the-streets/ within-the-river-banks’ of life, called earth. The momentum has to be built and lived, moving the storms and rip-currents of belief into seeing, realizing and understanding that the physical is the means to the end as life, and that the value is being here, creating. I can, take the inflammation of bias, and ground it into the physical text of real living, where what is natural, as spatial skills, are grounded in reality, never to be lost and instead to improve with the number of years one has on this earth. A master of something showed me how great the gentle is and does, as it is this part of self, that, like water, can sense the smallest of things. Those smallest-of-things are the means to ensure that there is no accumulation of heavyness in the backs of men.