Mental Graphic Novel Business Day 784

This week I was working with a child, who I noticed as the behaviors, was, ‘ standing in something’ that was the best match for what they felt. I likened this to how absorbent I am, we are, as our innate capacity to understand. The child appeared to me to be trying this out, being the effects of this behavior and at the same time expressing how they felt.  It appeared to me to be the whole child, and not as much the way adults can be, where they do not look as their presence, as their ‘ state of being” ( in this case it is similar yet not as incorperated). This being, as the adult being  instead a built series of such experiences as this child, manifesting as multiple experiences  of such a reference. Again, what caught my attention, was how this was the child, they were embodying this and testing this out, while it somehow matched something they had experienced. 

In the desteni I process, I find that I have so many times said the words, spoke the forms, and yet as things come more into focus, the reality of allowing myself to be both the subject and the object at the same time, without resistance, and realizing there is no need to be afraid, is a process, and yet, it is like an uncovering of what we already know.  It is as it says it is, in that it is the removal of self denial as the capacity to sense what is here, and be here, respecting what is here. How can what is a simple thing become such a messy thing and so ignored for so long as a loss of self recognition? How can a busyness of ordering stuck up in a resonant spin using ordering, become such a dissonance from reality? I ask the obvious question, yet is this not a part of the process, as as-king is a powerful tool of reflection. 

On the greater stage, I look at articles about Syria and other areas in the middle east, that describe the rubble left behind from bombs. I read a book written by a local author who experienced the Russians coming into eastern Germany and basically expelling the Germans and replacing them with Polish people, at the end of WW2  They just simply came and pushed some people out and replaced them with others, and this after coming in and taking all the livestock and crops, leaving the people with nothing.  What would motivate such an action that has no regard for the life, the resources of men and planet? Could it be a construct of values floating in the minds of men that are a separation from reality? How has that obviously resonant limitation come to be larger than life?  And why, can we not realize, especially in understanding the import- ance of education that it is possible to inFORM a person with a measured math as a measured value system that is not inclusive of all values as this physical reality?  Is it so difficult to realize that our within is not equal to the without, our ‘ above’s ‘ not equal to the practical ‘ below’? 

This is such a waste of capable resources. This is such a mis-use of what we are. What astounds me the most, as this is as astonishing as realizing the depth of a self imposed through a great effort to suppress,  as devastating as the bombs on the land,  of the self as life, as presence as the capacity to be here, and not so busy with graphing out what is to come, what might come, what is possible, based on an idea that is of something out there, in some place that is not here, as here is where things get done, as nothing was ever done within thinking about it- the focus to do demands all of one's attention on here, which also reveals that one must understand here, to get something done? And this, begs the question as to why we are placing our children in front of television sets and in schools that are boxes,  that are not reality?  And to not move into anther polarized value judgement to the extent we deny such things a television, as a proper use of television, can be supportive! I mean, Imagine creating one of those holographic programs that show the life and sequence of a seed? That would be really cool in terms of bringing attention to the expressive life of nature that is a constant surrounding us. Remember, trees create oxygen for us to breath. I do not think that any human apparatus is as symbiotic and self replicating as that tree within the very fabric of and as what nature is. In other words, nature is a great technology, one that, by some recollections, something that terra formed this earth, and may have been brought from somewhere else- thus, if we look at the pyramids, that some argue were built with a greater skill set than known today, could it be that those with this supposed ‘ greater skill set’ have realized that the fabric of plants and bugs and animals, was something worth sustaining, as it could not be recreated because of its inherent efficiency? Why reinvent the wheel into something less than what already exists that has a sustainable balance? 

If I am so busy graphing things out, and having learned about the world in a box, it would make sense that actions that are not what is best for life, as life, as bombing this earth for some graphed out idea that is in itself a separation from considering all things as being the problem!  That self constructed and accepted as imposed  graph of information, of IN FORM ation,  has been made larger that what is real! 

Within myself  I realize how much time I spent in time! lol, Meaning how much I resisted and rejected and composed myself in self interest, as the same that is the problem that is an act of separation from who and what I am that is of the same fabric as the tree that is a fabric of life that is self sustaining and self creating and in balance if we would allow it to be the expression of what it is!

In the movement, as the practice as the process in slowing down to recognize this, I also realize within a process of elimination of being as busy within composing a belief system, and uncovering being less fearful in meeting other graphic novels as the expression as the colored energies of others being the same as myself as a state of resonant separation,  that the degree with which I have allowed this, can be re-versed back into being in humbleness with this reality. This meaning that I can, with joy, acknowledge my mis-takes on reality, redo the math, and live solutions. This does not demand that I graph out all possible scenarios, within self protection and defense, because the means is the practical reality around me.  Those shadows as ‘ state of colored being’ need not define me, and can be used , or recognized for what they are, without fear,  as standing here, in respect of the practical and the physical reality.  It is to say, why not enjoy being/becoming the uncovering as the self discovery of the life that is here as the physical, which is what is natural?

I can, lol, imagine if we reformed this earth into realizing that we can be what we naturally are, as discovering how this reality functions, within and as self directing within the principle that all that is here is us, as the very fabric of creation. 

It is actually fun to call things out by name, to be clear about what is around us, and to realize that this clarity deepens, just as learning an instrument has that quality of a depending understanding that is a joy of discovery, slowed down only by a threat of survival that can consume one’s natural presence as an innate ability to completely absorb something and stand as it, just as we do as babies when we learn to crawl and to walk and to talk- we embody something, we embody the world around us, we embody the states of value that are not necessarily bad, yet can become automated and stagnant, in our parents that are directed by survival in a forgetfulness of the very fabric of what we are as that physical manifestation of form and function that is of a design that is self sustaining, and self generating and self balancing. 

I mean, why do I write as script this out? Why do I sit here and write this out? What am I using to do this? I am using words, as small degrees of sound, to map out, to graph out, to bring my words into equality and oneness with what equalizes me to this physical creation that I cannot live without. I mean, look at the mankind having to leave their homes, their lives disrupted, their basic needs questionable in being met,  the resources turned into rubble unnecessarily,  because of some idea imposed on reality! It makes no sense. And, the answer I am so often given, as “ if common sense were common, then it would be utilized “ is an endgame answer that reveals that lack of insight that is the real problem. Such a statement reveals the problem, as a non-looking that lends the solution, which is to LOOK HERE. In looking here at the practical, the graphic superimposed, resonantly metaphysical reality known as ego, is an active rejection of innate common sense, as that absorbent ability! 

What is interesting in tandem with all of this, is that physically I feel that my chest is going to burst out, to the extent that moving into thinking, is becoming more and more impossible, it is too limited.  It is like being a compassion without a desire for gain. The moment I move into a colored value, I lose  catching, or reading, or reeding what is here. I remember this, because I had to be this to perform, it was the only way, no matter what, no matter what politics were around me, it took some time and I would not say I was perfect at it. At the same time, in some ways, I also isolated myself because of being this. Interesting how we have a secret shadow mid of fear, and a secret sense of recognizing the separation of ourselves from the reality around us. I mean, that sense within me, that what we are doing makes no sense, is the same as that of which I speak.

It is also to realize that each of us has this same thing within ourselves. We can recognize this. I find more and more, that people will listen. They can recognize. It is a matter of reforming the sound, finding a structure that can he held, that can be grasped enough for greater reflection of the practical without loss of where one is and the demands of our present system of survival.  Real-eyezing  being grounded in the practical is using that natural ability to organize, to realize the ordinary in the practical as being the joy as it allows the busyness of ordering things to be more expeditious and not as large or overwhelming as one might suppose when one is in a resonance of values graphed by the self, absorbed from others, as the loss of presence in the practical reality of a physical life. 

If we make spelling our words with ease, then our focus can be opened up to more than momentary graphs of things we absorb as our natural capacity to understand what is here as this reality. This is because human use words to communicate. It is as though, language is a means to equalize one’s presence into this reality. It is the instrument of what we are, to realize the clarity of ourselves within as life. Life being what takes what is good and does no harm, as that reciprocity that is the nature of our natural absorbent ability.  Recognition of something can be fun,  and a self discovering mechanism into clarity. 

What is LOOKING ; continued Day 770

What is LOOKING continued.

Lately, I so notice when I have missed what is right in front of me. An example is having used a kitchen device. This device has a tool that comes with it, to process the food more effectively. The other day, while using this device, I stood there at the counter, looking for this apparatus, and could not see it. When I was done, I found it, it was right next to me. I can’t even remember if this was in plain sight all the time, of partially hidden under the machine itself.

I just stood here, looking at where I had been that I did not see this that was right in front of me.

I also notice that after the fact, as in not in the moment I am in ‘ action,’ with hindsight I realize patterns around me. I do not see them in the moment they move, in that moment they are actualized. Somehow, my processing of here, is not being lived in the moment. I remain in a non-looking at what is right here, right in front of me. What can be me as not looking, or only looking as recognizing patterns with hindsight, is myself being, as accepting a morality that is not being present and processing form and movement and expression as what is actual mourned me, here, in this reality. I am so used to, as habituated with not looking. I am showing myself what I have allowed. 

I am mis-using my presence. What I have created myself as, as the things on which I focus, as values, are not in consideration of this living reality, this that is the means of me being here. This that is what and who I am in totality. I am exiting within a limited paradigm. Para-di-gm. I exist as a para - something projected from myself before reality,  of division - as value judgements of good and bad , g- generating, m- me. I am the creator of myself. What have I do I generate and create as the very presence of and as me? It is, not here ness, because I am missing what is in plain sight. 

What I am looking at here, is why I realize patterns with hindsight and not in the moment? That I am able to realize patterns, means that I realize them. This begs the question, and I know I am repeating here, as to why I do not stand in recognizing the patterns in the moment? Obviously, if i can realize patterns within musical notes, to the degree that I balance myself out in an instance, I can do this within value judgements as ideas, beliefs and opinions, wants, desires and needs , in a moment too! After all, this is all values, and a note is a value, it is a thing, with shape and color as the nature of its expression. 

It is because is my value system is limited, as a narrow framework, or a limited scaffold, or a paranormal construct, as a memory resonance within me, and I ONLY see that, I cannot be in the presence of all things, here. I am in separation. I mean, come-on, at this point in this existence, we know to wrote out our emotions, and we know we hold memories that are polarized as value judgements. We can no longer hide behind this, or allow this that we know, to be made larger than life. Nor can I. 

Even in health practices, we understand that stress is detrimental to the body. Stress is a mis-processing of reality. It is reality out of whack, it is a ‘ head trip” as such.  A head trip is a paranormal event.  To exist as a head-trip, means to manipulate words,  and pictures. I say pictures, because a picture is used to trigger ideas, beliefs and opinions, superimposed on that picture, as what is a parable, and what is analogies? They are constructs of values placed into symbols, as a thing in picture, or an object, and as such the recognition that we are walking in a bubble of a morality that is not being present in reality. How does one think onion layers work? How does one think a loss of spatial skill happens? LOOK, it is right here, in the math, right in front of us! Right in front of ME, because I am the same, because I drank the cool-aid. I became what i hated, because I was that child, before it was imposed with the math/limited-dogma of a relying/religion of some afterlife adult authoring who and what I am so I would not be self responsible because I feared being this, in relation to what is a resonant construct of separation from reality, which is physical. 

I cannot fear remaining stable and steady and grounded in the physical, feet on the ground, realizing and bringing back into focus on reality, as this HUGE valley of smoke and mirrors, as value judgements, as manipulation of sound, as pictures and words, airy fairy and all around me. I am, essentially, in a head-trip when I cannot, in real time, see what is in plain sight, and read the patterns of my own self created separation. I mis-used my own capacity as life. The only way out, is to face the storm, and take back what would bring joy, as what is natural as me, as myself as life, which means focusing and being present HERE. 

One of the ways of separation, is to take a tiny good, which is a good, and to make that huge, and create an endless discussion around it. It is like being in a church and singing praises again and again and again, and then thinking one is good for doing so. Quite astounding. This is a from of avoidance, or ignorance, within hiding behind a busy work of value judgement. The mis-take of self being equal to life is done with limitation, which means not acknowledging all things, and instead taking one small value, turning it into an idol and standing within that at the expense of the world during down around one. This is what is meant by doing nothing as being as evil as participating in the thing itself. There is no difference between the two, because they are both a lack of acknowledgement of practical reality, as the physical in expression in form and function!  It is said , that to tell someone a lie, which is playing the game of separation which has a color of limitation and ignorance, does not really make a person angry. Why, because it is like an army of defense, supporting it state of limitation. It is like, we are both lying, and we accept that. Yet, when one points this out, the one playing the game, must answer to an acceptance of lack, that is not being self responsible as life, which can generate reactions in support of that lack, and demand for change. This will make a construct of limitation react. Thus a real truth ( remember no dogma is going to support you if you cannot breathe) in relation to not being in consideration of all things, will cause the lie to react. That reaction will bring forth defense of that lie, in a kind of scream. Why? Because the scream is what the lie has been existing as, because it takes an intense effort to be that. And since we know it is all memories of value judgements, and this is a math happening real fast as the individual movements that generate this, because we accumulate what we accept to define us, this all plays out real fast, with the parts no longer specifically recognized, that we cannot slow down, we have to scream what we have allowed, to actually see it. And it is in plain sight. And it can no longer be allowed, because it is not equal to all life, of which the physical is the means of and as. The body, the physical allows and is breath, not that limited morality. No way out. 

I remember being a mother of young children. I remember my children sometimes suddenly, after a pause, turning from other adults. Then, they would, with careful movement, acclimate to some adults and interact with them.  I notice this in my nephew as well. When I have not seen him for a while, he will stare at me, with a subtle down turn around the mouth, and a turning away from me, to then slowly interact with me. he is simply reading me, as my children read other adults and sometimes reacted by turning away, as a ‘ not wanting to look’ scenario.  I realize, that within and as my own construct of not looking, as playing the limited morality game instead of remaining present in that which allows me to exist as breathe here, that i am being the same as what my children turned from. They had simply acclimated to me, in survival. 

Children will participate in a reality that has adults in bubbles of separation, as where else to they have to go? They will build, practice and interact, even within limitations around them. The desire to practice language, in this one case, is so strong, as building within that, that the child will repeat, again and again and again, what is being said and what is being pointed out, in real time, just being and moving around in the physical reality of one’s environment. lol, I was singing a song in relation to toy buses, a simple song, about the wheels of the bus going round and round, and the child laughed and screamed AGAIN! This happened so many times I can’t remember how many time I sang this, but it was a joy to see the child taking it in and beginning to mimic it. Somehow the awe of wheels going round and round, and perhaps the words being a means of describing that amazing physical thing, is all good! Perhaps, in relation to this, my body generating and being in a form, was also a part of the joy. This joy a joy of being physical, nice and simple and great fun in being in expression, as cool and breathing. Better than any picture show in the mind, emitting from the flesh, as a resonant memory. Can’t wait to see what happens when we try and sew heads onto new bodies. A thought we already tried the Frankenstein scenario and found out that it did not work! I mean, there are findings oaths world, where evidently, the whole nuclear experiment has been done, in a time before out time, as the signature of this is left on the physical.  We are, because of our accepted and allowed separations running on treadmills of limitations as value judgements spending out lives in head trips. Meanwhile, the earth shrinks, just as we shrink into a dried up white and grey prune like thing with no spatial presence left. We drank the kool-aid.

We don't have to drink the cool-aid, we can, come back down to earth, and face the smoke and mirrors of energy - as what a limited value system can only exist as because it has no sustainability, because it is not equal to life.  We can place our presence in out bodies, as respect of what is real, and ground ourselves here, equal and one to life, which is physical. I can step over the line of my own accepted and allowed participation of and as limited scaffolds of information that must be composed of good and bad, right and wrong, forcing a limited value forward, making it HUGE, and myself calling this out, in self discovering ways and means, to remember myself as who and what I am as life here, realizing breath is greater and more real than any idea resonantly projecting as my own self creation, in front of me, and instead ground myself here. 

Why do we not ask ourselves why the PHYSICAL thing we become within us, is the MOST EXPENSIVE thing to build? And that this inner creation, is the MOST IMPORTANT ‘ thing’ in our lives?  Educating that, forming that costs more in this world than our homes, or our cars, or our ‘ THINGS’ we accumulate believing these ‘THINGS” to hold a value, when the greatest VALUE is the ‘ THING’ we become within and as the creation of who and what we are here. Ask yourself? 

And why, if the child the POOREST thing in the world?  Why is that which is not yet built which costs the MOST to build, is in the most VULNERABLE state? 

How is it, that I can’t see what is in PLAIN SIGHT? 

Ask yourself? Get mad, then change. Accept and recreate yourself as LIFE. Walk the process of change, get your word skills moving. Realize the patterns within and in one’s environment, AND on the world stage. Your are, as what you as as a physical being, the most perfect of means to do so. RESPECT the labor of those who are bringing this forward.  In this present system this means GIVING in monetary means. It need not be as much as the system costs, yet that labor must be supported, after all it is what you would have wanted for yourself.

Thank you for reading. 

Correcting cognitive dissonance A battle for the mind Day 764

The degree to which we resist to what is here, is equal to the degree in which we cling to storied information as idea, belief and opinion over practical reality.

What is practical reality but what gets things done, and mirrored in actions that work with form and function in ways that do no harm. Such means having a presence that is a focus on this reality, a physical one.

The sound that we make as the words we use, what we emit from our bodies as the instrument of the sound, either reflects presence and awareness, or the storied information of our desires wants and needs, meaning how much of this reality we ignore in the interests of what we believe will allow us to survive. Yet, we use this reality to survive, we cannot exist without it. To consider only our immediate survival without ensuring our actions care for ourselves, which is all things, is a punishment of the self. When we label an action and configure it with value judgements, to paint/sound a limited story we actually stagnate our presence into being separate, thereby making the picture of our belief larger than life and as such out of synch with this living reality.  Thus the busy-ness of chaos is done with limitation. It is a non-sustaining sound. With each spoken word that is not in consideration of all things, we diminish who and what we really are. In this all death of non-awareness is a form of suicide of the self. It is basically a math.

Not standing up to limited story, that is only a value made huge in self interest, as bringing forward a value as a quality as the nature of something is not necessarily a bad, as this is the self moving in a focus of what is here, to realize form and function, movement and expression of the physical reality.  Using label coupled with threat of being labeled as less, is a false morality.  The quality of separation is as the description suggests, it takes one’s focus away from the practical actions that respect who and what we are a physical states of being, as being would be. 

Inherent in my desire to be intellectual, manifest as wanting to collect information and knowledge is a truth as an understanding of realizing something must be known, understood, realized. REAL eyes. 

Placing myself into a consciousness of fixed knowledge and information, causes a separation from real focus on this practical living reality that is and must be physical, or formed, or manifest, or realized.

I think of all the karate movies, or stories about people who have mastered something, like having lessons with a master. They have no patience for excuse. They stand. I remember going to lessons and having a teacher simply say to me , ‘ Stop being weird.” One must get beyond the morality of being ‘ nice.’ It is really an illusion, it is to speak up about this reality in a steadfast way, even when emotional reactions scream their false reality.  People are ignorant but they are not stupid. Creating a mind consciousness of a conscious, sub conscious and unconscious mind and going to public school to practice for six hours a day being in the conscious mind only, is by design, accepted and allowed by the collective, the means of controlling information, and the movement into a suppression of one’s real capacity. After all, what is the main complaint about public schools that has been consistent since their onset? The loss of critical and creative thinking skill. Or the loss of presence in practical reality.  What do I hear from many employers? That this generation has little if no, practical skill.  That is being weird, because reality is right here in plain sight. 

If I were to say something like that, as has been said to me in lessons, and I started to cry, there should really be no sympathy beyond a certain point, because this is allowing the means of one’s loss of presence, as the only choice is to lend what brings one back to what is natural, as being present in this reality. the insights of being practical, removes the desire to cry, as a passive means of defense of one’s already accepted and allowed state of separation into a limited story of information that is in itself a self interest of idea, belief and opinion personified and made larger than reality. This is really what a master who accepts nothing other than what is presence in application is doing. They are accepting nothing other than real focus and presence in reality. Holding that is the only way to be. 

This is why depression is always a state of self interest, a state of not taking responsibility, a state of being dishonest. This is a state of not respecting life.  If this scares me, then I am in fear, and I am not present in this reality. 

Every word we speak reveals the degree to which we are being responsible as life, because we are only speaking what it is that is the focus of who and what we are, here. 

Why do I write these things out again and again and again? it is the work of, the play of, the process of and as re-scripting myself into realizing the patterns within, of self interest, of fear, and re-scripting myself equal and one to the real common sense of and as all of me, as who and what I am as a living being on a physical planet that is creation in expression, here. 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.

Romanticizing a relationship Day 761

It is interesting how I am drawn to look at certain things, while at the same time not seeing what is right in front of me that I am telling myself. 

What I have been focused on is processing speeds, as being able to do the math, within the patterns as words, that describe, lol de-scribe , the focus of myself.  I can’t see what is in plain sight, as I am so focused on the pictures and the story that there is not reflection within the whole, as this living reality.

I am a series of relationships, as values, that I hold, to project an idea, which is how the mind works as a web of separation from this practical and physical reality. That is just it. This point that the relationship of values, is the composition of who and what I am as a persona, just as creation is a relationship of values, and just as another as the same, is a relationship of values. Just as I have focused on the constructs of words, and just a s a soap opera is built, so is this the same in what is here, whether in division or in equality to what is real, as the physical. Therefor, I am focusing on an innate understanding of this, taking it apart, and yet not seeing the forest through the trees. On one level, what I am drawn to, is exposing what I am realizing, yet I have gotten so caught up in the idea only. This causes anxiety, as though I am juggling and the balls are getting ahead of me, because I have not remained grounded. 

I also realize that listening to others is very important, to see the patterns, as a math, as a series of relationships that build what I call a scream that is ultimately a longing to be whole. I remember being 12 and being obsessed with this. I wanted to understand the scream, so it is a theme I carry with me, that can also become a distraction, as it is a relationship between values that I have allowed myself to hold. I believe this is probably true of everyone, if they make the choice to look, as the means of separation from being focused and present in the practical is the same. In the stories of information as a series of relationships is both the longing for self and the sequences that separate the self from the real presence of self in awareness, as a focused respect of life, as the physical. 

To jump here, to remembering the death of my husband, I relive the sadness of this, remembering that a part of me thought that a great beauty was lost in his death. And, at the same time the impossibility of realizing why this was not lived. How could this come to  be extinguished? Since this was what I was projecting, this was really myself. What I projected outward was what I was seeing within myself. And to note, that the support of the people around me, after his death, were, to me, these words that did not describe the whole picture. I got to the point where I did not want any pity, and I dd not want to hear supportive statements of regret because they were in no way solving the problem. 

When I allow only the thoughts of and as ‘ there being a great beauty’ and ‘ it is impossible’ to realize this, to sort this out, there is also the voice within me, for as long as I can remember as ‘ NO, this cannot be so.”  My family made fun of this part of me, that person that did not have the answer yet often said in frustration, that what was accepted simply could not be so. I, after all these years on this planet, simply will not give up. 

I can focus on these inner billboard signs as idea, and use them like a life jacket, in a moment, yet the motivation of and as “ this cannot be so’ as the positive, and the negative sense as a form that this is impossible, and that a beauty has been lost as a superiority of and as a good, are forms that can take my focus, and distract me from being simple and normal and present in this reality. This is what and how a mind consciousness works. It is a math, as a sequence of forms as beliefs, opinions and ideas that can become a thing, better known as an idol, that distract from being present and in equality to life. Meaning, one is so present, one has no value judgements, one is practical and in focus on the life. One is in a relationship with all things, understanding their expression in form and function. It is really very simple. The mind exists within stories of good and bad, right and wrong, rise and fall, protagonist and antagonist, antecedent and consequence. Limited, narrowly framed, bound. Nothing to do with balance of sound in form and function. This demands seeing towards creation.  Look at ordering something, it is merely placing things into an order. 

In all, this persona of and as these things, is myself focusing on a lack, and not being here - really listening to this reality. To accept the physical as reality, this life, in expression, would mean I would have no fear of death, because in essence, being here, with this reality as life in expression would mean that there really is no death. It just means listening to here, moving with and as here, as the physical.

What is Draining the Swamp ? Day 752

I had a conversation within someone where the ‘ math’ or equation as words contained value judgements as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Myself, though not emotionally reactive to a large degree, found myself rushing to answer to ideas brought forward. It is about, for me at the moment, bringing things down to practical basics, or, down to real time, on a physical planet, down to the ground, to the simple.

It is when things are voiced again, as though being brought forward as a truth, lacking details of the basics as to what we human beings are, and how we accumulated what we practice in thought, word and deed,  that I sense within me a rushing, which is a fear, as a drive to be correct or right. In this I lose my own perspective, and begin to drive, to combat, to force, to beg. 

I noticed that my shoulders come forward as though they are a protective border for my chest, as though I sink in my chest, thrust out my arms in a behavior of expecting a blow. IT is as though the ‘ blow’ of something, already happened. It is as though, the words or behaviors which are a collection of words, reflecting ideas, opinions and beliefs, based on a past, on an environment, where the words also reveal wants and needs in relation to fulfilling ideas, and beliefs and opinions, to make such correct, or dominant, towards a goal that is in itself, lacking consideration of all things, of the basic starting point of being a physical being on a physical planet. Instead, a layer of ideology, lacking practical consideration, is what is projected, personified, self defining, becoming a self interest elevated from the practical, this in itself lacking in any real sustainability, thus the nature of it, is, as energy, unsustainable, uncertain, and therefor, this has a forcing that is justification, because one has to get this out fast, in a way, before it is exposed, revealed, seen for what it is as what a justification hides. An emotional firewall of distraction, in protection of what?  

With the way I hold my shoulders, there is an underlying belief, that I am constantly in combat, as such movements of self preservation as personality, are the way things are. I must brace myself for the storm. It is so interesting, how what we practice, as what we believe, accumulates into physical behaviors, where I, as a reference, realize that I practiced this fear, this protection and defense, based on expectation as a judgement, that I am constantly being bombarded with stories of information lacking practical grounding in reality, ( as I am/was the same as what I speak of)  and that I must brace myself for this. I was so busy with this that I did not realize that which I did, that which I accepted, that which I then practiced, based on a belief, again and again and again, until this became so automated and embedded into my flesh, that it took time within slowing down and breathing, getting out and working through this, until I began to notice myself own self accepted constructions automated into my very flesh, determining my starting point, even when I realized this, slowed down listened to the words of others - all based in the same manner yet of differing measure - that I began to see where the process of synchronizing all of this, within and without, revealed how much I was doing that which I was unaware of, it had become such a habit. And, to note, that I feel like I am having deja vu, in this moment, because I have been here before, realizing the depth of my own deception in the construction of my own personification, of ideas, beliefs and opinions. 

How, on the one hand, within learning a musical instrument, I could see what the accumulation of my actions allowed, and moved into a flow, that I could them become automated in, to the degree where I actually lost control, and then had to reintegrate my movements with presence, and yet, not see this in who and what I am as a living human being on a physical planet? The simplicity with which manipulation is achieved, is astounding. Chaos, is done through limitation. That limitation separates from a natural awareness, as evident in the fact that children are not born with the dogma of religion or politics. And at this point in history, we can see that the religions and politics we allow on this planet, are not grounded in practical applications that consider all things and only take that which does no harm, which, to note, would mean that ensuring no harm means really taking the time to understand things, practically. Our religions and political systems tout themselves as lending morality, which if they need to tout this, it begs the question as to why? Because having to say something in a separate context, means that it is no longer self evident- which is a red flag in itself. A real morality, would be an honesty about the practical, giving as one would receive, which means doing unto another as the self would for the self, and the self, as life, would in a state of balance, not choose harm. 

In my conversation, that I noticed a rushing to prove something, even though smaller, I noticed my shoulders and chest taking on a formation of “expectation of coming blows”, done verbally, as a math of constructs as ideas, that I had to move in some way towards. It can be so subtle, what has accumulated and become automatically personified. When I am this, I am not objective about the content, nor am I as available to the math as the words, because I am caught up in a focus of expectation as protection, instead of real processing of reality. Again, I must realize that nothing can define me, but what I accept and allow.  And, that what is here can be ‘ played’ with as reformed, as grounded in the practical, in synch with this reality. And, also, that words can be used to define, to clarify, and to investigate to lend greater presence into awareness of all things. It is, in some ways, that considering the physical, is far easier than moving through mind constructs that I have me-more-eyed ( a resonant energy memory), automated and inter-netted within and as me, in separation from reality. Being in the math of a resonant memory, moves, by design, like a slow motion syrup. At times, with some, it is as though it can be sensed as a thick moving time frame- like a piece of music lost in a tempo unaware of itself. 

In tandem with this, is that sense of ‘ playing’ in a quiet and calm manner, where that construct of information comes like a movie towards me, as words, and behaviors somewhat similar to my own, of different dimension and color, as that same automation in others as my own, that sometimes I get a glimpse of, a sense of joy as being at ease can exist. It is like it is a problem that can be solved, like when one really knows their algebra, and can see the answer to the equation instantly, as one has practiced it enough to get to that point.  And yet, again, a morality in some way, within me, that moving into being playful and joyful about this, is simply not allowed. It is like a line I cannot cross. I see fear, and a belief that such is not possible. Like, how dare I even think about being this. And a sense that being so, leads to mistakes. Yet, if I look, the one fed the other, as the protection and defense system of expecting blows, which is a belief that I am somehow not enough, as I did not know how to decode and recode with clear communication, as I was more than likely a child, lacking language, that this whole persona - as a math, as a measure- was the choice that I made. I accepted and allowed this, and no one can change this but the self as me. It does not matter if it is my fault alone or not. And yet, calling this out by name, cancels it out, as calling things by name takes away that which is supposed, or assumed to be hidden. It is like, ‘ I can no longer go there.”

I met with another person, who agreed with the things I am saying above, and yet, on another front they denied in action that of which they agreed. They said they could not read a book that presented information through a venue that was overall counter to their belief.  This means they could not process out the relationship within the overall venue, to see the good in the book that was more of a universal form. This in itself,  reveals a relationship too polarized and of judgement, as the emotional value judgement about something, was too prominent, to bypass, to see through the graph into the substantive elements in the construct.  I myself am guilty of this, as there are books I pick up to read that have so much clutter around a cool point, that I decide to put them down.  

Last night I tested this out, and picked up such a book, and decided to highlight the key points that made sense, around the clutter. It made processing the form, the information, with greater ease, as I gave myself a behavior, to ground in the noise of the book’s words. It was also a point of looking at where I was rushing through passages, to make sure I was clear on my assessment, and to see that the person writing the book was themselves processing to make more sense. We must remember that words on a page, are just that, they can never be the real thing, and they always describe something. Unless one has real living experience with something, one cannot make a determination that the words on a page are valid. And, to realize, that there is so much in our immediate environments that reflect this reality, that we can relate things to the world around us to realize if words on a page are indeed substantive.  For example, I have seen more and more wild animals with mange that I can remember in my local environment. This is a red flag, because it shows an imbalance in nature, a tipping point in some way. With all the chemicals humans are taking and using, as pesticides and herbicides, did we not realize that such things of apparent no-significant-difference would eventually accumulate in our environments though our discharge of waste from what we eat and the chemicals that we take to supposedly maintain our health?  Would not such things in the law of building through accumulation, become an elephant in the room,  to the extent they burdened the environment to the point it weakened and effected the natural wild life? Yes, and this reveals how deep and ingrained is a personification in separation from this living reality. One must ask one’s self how automated has one become as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that motivate actions in a zombified way that is  a state of distraction via a composed resonant memory, to the extent one is not aware of what one places in one’s body and how much, over time the accumulation of such, as tiny small movements, affects the ecology of the planet. 

The quantification of separation is visible, in every move, in every word. One need only slow down, breath, begin to deconstruct one’s accepted and allowed personality as automated behaviors, and see through the emotional firewall built of limited and supposed beliefs to this living physical reality. One must, open up one’s chest of sensibility , as presence, and realize the value is life, as living in a physical composition as what life would be within the very means as the physical and being present within this, in consideration of all things, realizing the patterns of separation as a lack of focus on this living reality. Overall, what is more constant, is the symbiotic regenerative nature of a tree, than what are the practices of men at this point in time on this earth. One must change up one’s processing, deconstruct a resonant memory and begin moving  in relating words to reality, and thereby, begin to see in the momentum a default of automated beliefs, made personalities and deconstruct them to reconstruct a more balanced and grounded and respectful practice that is a relationship of living equal and one to how things are built, and how things in nature work, and how one can move more in synch with life. 

Looking within Felicity Day 745

I am looking at resistance, as resistance is fear. 

I remember sometimes in music, a phrase or form would appear to be unable-to-be-understood for me. The form would come and the math, the measure of it was like something distant from me. It was as though there was a veil inhibiting it from me- this little shape of sound before me graphed out. I had to slow down, alone, at home, by myself, and start to take it apart. It appeared to be this illusive ‘ thing’ that somehow I could not grasp. It begged the question as to why I could take in one little notated form and not another. It made no practical sense. 

The “ block’ could be called a resistance. Somehow, my own resonance was counter to the form, my own resonance was such that the math of me, the resonance of me, the values of me were creating a wall that separated me from the form before me. It was like too different currents were meeting one another.  This overall a ‘ red flag’ because I could not transpose myself, be flexible myself, and embrace the form. I was resonant with a formation that was holding itself to such a degree that I could not change and take in a varying form with the very substance that was me, as that means that could form into my resonance and the resonant form before me that I was having difficulty grasping.

Whose fault was this, was it the form, was it that I was ‘ something’ , a personality that had value, or as some say; ‘ Just the way I am?”  Or, “ this is my opinion, you must respect that?”  If I am resistant to something then I am not being the capacity to understand, as understanding another form, which is a combination of values made up of the ultimate value of what builds form overall,   how can I really understand perspective? If I cannot change and stand as a ‘ musical form’ or any form for that matter, realizing that I can understand for a moment, and yet change in the next, thus nothing can define me but what I allow as in time and space for something to be formed it must be stood as for a period of time.  If I look at what I am being that is unable to change then I have become a resonant thing and therefor lost a capacity to change, thus from a starting point of what I am as a human being, in relation to this, if I cannot change in relation to expressions as insights as perspectives towards another, for a moment, then I am in a form of a fixed state and therefor holding onto something that need not be held onto, to the extent that I can change and see another form, even if for a moment. I have lost flexibility. I have become stagnant. And this means overall, that I am responsible for what I am, and in the order of mastering myself, I must be able to realize and recognize when I am within a resistance, as I am in a lost state of embracing a form that I can accept and or move forward, as in taking what is good and does no harm. My resistance reveals my fear of change and my lost state of being in common sense, meaning to take something and understand it and then direct it effectively. 

Yesterday, I resisted something based on my own beliefs. I believed that something was too much. This based on past interactions. In a moment, I was faced with a response. The response was “ I had a difficult week.” I replied graciously and walked away. I did not allow the door to open, because I did not want to listen to the layers of justification. I had had to do this and allowed it to become too much. I feared that happening again. Overall, it was an opportunity to face the storm and practice sorting it out. As I drove away, I recognized this. The saving grace was that I so readily recognized this. Before it would have taken me more time. So, I tell myself, this in itself a good that can become a justification. All of this a sound wall. a math of values, resonant within me. I am a Humpty Dumpty.  Face it, move and get over it. We need to start admitting this to ourselves. Overall, there is nothing but resolution.  Living in fear and resistance is a drag, quite literally.  I for one have had it. Fuck you if you do not want to do the fucking math. It is right here in front of us, in plain sight. There is no escape. You are an organic robot. I mean, look at your words, your sound formations, are they filed with iconography that uses metaphor, or compound labels to zip file information where eveyone has to guess at what is meant? 

I have had people say to me, in relation to animals, that when an animal comes to ‘ visit’ as move outside of expected behaviors, that a past loved one has come to visit. This is a projection of an icon, as that person from that past visiting. What it can really signify is a characteristic of the self that the self is chasing, as the self has placed this value outside of the self because this is the self rejecting the self. This is the self chasing what the self gave up, and the means for the self to live without fear, without resistance and the cause of resistance. In the scream of the longing is the thing being missed, the thing given up. It is the signifier of the shattering of the self, into pieces, it is the beginning of the advent of a separation into fractionalized projected parts as ideas, beliefs, opinions. It is the smoke and mirrors show. It is the consciousness in separation from reality. In this instance, a person said to me that an animal came to them and that it was their friend they had lost. In reality, that friend was admired for a value the admirer lost within themselves, objectified outside of themselves. The animal that ostensibly came was the value the self rejected and longed for, hidden in a series of storied information placed into objects holding past projections. A huge parable. Looking at the smallest of parts can disperse the picture show. I want to say, what is constant within the show? Bring it back to self. Find the word. Realize the initial resistance. Would one agree that realizing what was lost is the means forward? Could one see the self hate is a form of self pity? Is this not manifest as an added color of longing? Could this not come as an answer to a question as “ I had a difficult week?” as the starting point of sorting out the projected and separated values ?  If I am capable of writing this here, am I not capable of facing the storm and living the joy of being present, sensing the small, within the greater inflation of resonant forms? Shame is not going to change this. Self hate and reprimand is more of the same. 

Today, I ask myself : " What is felicity?"

Remaining calm and the illusion of the mind consciousness system. Day 723

There have been moments in my life where I remained calm in certain situations. This means in practice that I did not react to something someone said, these being actions where I resisted and rejected what was said - actions of spite and blame - which is pushing what someone has said away in a form of defense about that given answer or reaction of response. 

Instead, I simply remained calm and assessed what was around me in a more practical way and then directed within that practical application. Often this meant being sympathetic yet not ONLY accepting that sympathy as an end game. This means taking that measure, that belief, that dogma, that math as an idea, usually charged with emotion, as value judgements- always having a rushing quality ( easier to see in those moments of calm for WHAT IT IS WITHOUT JUDGEMENT)  and grounding it in reality. Meaning spelling out in words what would quiet that emotion and give it simple qualifiers towards making fears solvent and making the steps towards solution real real real simple. 

This kind of ‘ state of being’ is usually easier when I have learned this for myself, meaning I have removed mystery, and instead tell of an actual real lived process of moving beyond emotional storms of gloom and doom and fear and loathing ( reactions based on a fear that something can define who and what I am). In telling my story of movement outside of emotional reactions, having walked some practical application, the emotional storm becomes downsized and manageable. The illusion of it becomes so visible and the size of it becomes what it really is, which is really very small, that in the moments of calm, the sense of emotional reactions having no real power is greater and therefor not something to feel threatened by in any way. This lends in this understanding a natural ability to be calm.

Yet, why did I not apply this in all areas of my life? Why what I have been in one scenario I have not become in another? Why, over  time, and practice in living, has it taken me years to realize this to the extent that I practice this more and more? What is it that I allowed - because no one else accepted this for me but ME -  what I so readily see as an illusion in certain moments in my life? It was that same belief, opinion, idea that is a changed value judgement about something manifest as behavior of a loss of a sense of the practical. It is myself living a persona instead of remaining present in the practical - in being equal and one to this reality. 

I mean people, we have had generations attending public schooling and church services. What is in our minds is never reality, it is always about here, it is pictures about here, about this world, it is never ever what is actually physical HERE. Everything that is a thought, that is a projection, that is something coming from within our selves ONLY, is an illusion.

It really is time to stand and say this out loud again and again and again.  The degree of your processing of information ability is the degree of your/our/my presence and problem solving skills.

If you fear driving your car into a city, then you have lost your natural ability to conceptualize HERE! You have lost touch with reality. You have lost your SELF to an illusion of your own construction by acceptance and allowance. The greater your reaction to people, the greater your separation from reality. The greater your inability to change, the more stagnant you are in habituated structures.  You can hear this in the words you speak, and we all know this!  A busy-ness in accepting this in others is equal to the degree within which one expends all one’s life presence into an illusion, and the greater the loss of being able to place one foot in front of another absent a fear of falling!  The greater your inability to navigate this existence, manifest as behaviors of denial as in ‘ I can’t” for which you drag everyone else down with you, the greater is that tiny thing that is an illusion you have accepted and continue to inflame within and as YOU.  The greater the inability to process information the greater the illusion that is what is the distance between you and what is a natural and real ability to process reality, the real information of life.  And remember parents, the children absorb this in great detail if you are moving as an illusion! 

We become what we practice. What we practice becomes automated within our flesh as the math/measure/belief we accept and allow and repeat. When that math is not equal to the practice of a physical formation as reality, then the information that is us, cannot direct us effectively in reality.  When our actions of ‘ paint the fence’ as the small, are not with every breath cross referenced, to always check as respect reality, we can forget what we have automated as repeated as information that is always about something as what comes to program us. If that information is accepted without question, as without always giving attention to this reality, then that information programming us, as it automates us, can end up causing actions that do not fit into this reality.  If we force that mis-information on reality, we become by design cognitively dissonant from reality. If we continue to force this, we lose our natural ability to conceptualize life. Our within, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, become an illusion that we believe to be more real than life. 

Being calm is a cool marker of where one is at. Because, if one cannot become calm in a moment as this is where one reads what is here, being still like calm water, to take on the form of reality, to reciprocate reality, then one is not a master of one’s self. 

Why is it that the media uses so much drama, as gloom and doom made HUGE? Why is so much FEAR touted? Because that state of calm, is so powerful by the nature of it so able to cross reference within and without and move directly into problem solving with such steadiness of purpose that no manner of illusion can block that more direct state of seeing!

We, each and every one, have experienced this natural state of being within us. If we can remember those moments of calm, we can realize those moments of living illusion instead of life. we can begin to process the contrast of being calm and not being calm. And to realize, a passive aggressive calm is a form of suppression, it is not calm. Check the turmoil within!

We can begin to directly explain this to others through indirect actions. This means to share our stories of those moments we remained calm and made the illusions small,  creating actions that problem solved and grounded us in practical actions that were simple to carry out.  Illusion is no mystery as this is a play on words; ‘ mystery’ is really ‘ my storied’ information of which I through acceptance and allowance authored.  In other words, I/you am the one who awe-thor-ed the illusive mist-story/my story/mystery revealed through the degree of the loss of my ability to conceptualize reality! The greater my inability to move with presence and lack of fearing to do things HERE, in this reality, the greater the acceptance of an illusive mystery within and as how I have automated information that is me here.

The solution. Know the math, measure, song, mystery novel one has scripted as information within and as the imagination, as mind, write it out, remove the charged value judgements and script , or rebuild, the math of being present here, in this physical and practical reality that is right here, to ground yourself into life, into living. Relate yourself to HERE. Build a relationship to life as who and what you really are.