Day 613 Presence as mind only or presence as Equality to life? Which is the choice of freedom?

When I am playing in a Chamber group, I have to listen to all the parts, and the whole, like I am the parts and thew whole. Depending on where I sit, I also have to pay attention to the movement of the bow of the section leader and/or person in front of me, because the bow can also tell/show me the measure of what is being played in relation to the whole, kind of like the bow can be another metronome ( nominal meter/measure) of space and time within the context of playing. 

In so many ways, this is the same action as learning how to walk; it is sensing this world, the physical space of this actual real physical world. Our ability to see this directly informs the very ‘ measure of us, here. In all common sense, because of this, we can really only be here because this is where we are - mental simulations or not, -we can, because we are here, only be here. In the end this is us living life, respecting it.

I was at a meeting last night, and I found myself getting tense. My left leg and my chest were tensing up. It all started to hurt, as I sat in a chair and talked/interacted with the people present in body/mind in the space. 

A lot of the talk was about health.  In tandem with this talk about what we eat, was talk about being positive. One woman said that since she has taken more care of what she eats, she notices that she is more aware of her environment. I am not in her head, so I cannot know what experiences she had to justify this are true or not true. What I noticed more, was that she never really said anything, everything was about being positive, and such statements about how much she noticed her environment, without any real explanation as to what precisely that meant in any intimate detailed way. Making a statement that one is noticing their world more, only, reveals nothing about what that means. Collectively the group becomes this kind of stagnate awe, and I start to get tense, because I feel that I am having to accept something, to agree, without really knowing what is meant because it is not made clear with any sense of detail. I mean, some general statement of “ being more aware of the environment” really is not saying anything when only these words are presented. If I accept this, then what I am accepted is an idea without any real practical defining/clarification in detail. I move more into assumption or embarrassment because I have not had this experience. And yet, how do I know if i have had this or not if it is not clarified and only accepted as a statement? This is acceptance without investigation, without practice, it is a conceptual end game/name.

I notice the quiet in the group, evident in that no one asks for clarification as to what that meant in detail. Some just remain silent, some smile and place an expression of awe on the faces. Since this was a group of people involved in health, I realize that each had a desire to become healthy, and were ‘ dreaming’ of becoming healthy. I mean, this is cool to want to become more aware of one’s body, which taking the time to consider what one places in their body, is cool because it is a step in the direction of becoming more self responsible. This imagining “ becoming” healthy” only, is another way to self realize our own stagnate conceptual ability, so slow is the movement within, and yet, we learned to walk, to crawl, which meant conceptualizing in a direct way, building a structural awareness that directed in efficient and effective ways, which is our capacity, yet somehow we begin to move as molasses and get stuck in slow motion, where the motions are not bad and our capacity to inform on a another is diminished as awe as behavior, like an excitement, becomes us. In science, excited states can create chemical reactions within that we can become addicted to,  and the “ more’ in idea only, becomes a form of entertainment within, and we feel good because we have allowed this heightened inner sense to define us, but there is always a crash, and then the struggle begins. This inner polarized emotional/feeling state over practical application, which is being here, equal and one in practice of being physical, is making the within greater than the without. This is separation from the value being life, where this value is respected, thus the physical world is respected as life.

Overall, this in total shows how much one can get caught in an idea, and not question things, because the idea has become like an idol in one’s head, like an obsession that is so much as self interest that being present here, and asking questions in detail about what another means in practice  is seldom if ever walked through. It is a stagnate state of expressing, where presence here to and with the parts and the whole as the “ music” of the space of here, is not ‘ played’ with, is not cross referenced, is not made intimate. The irony is, if we opened up with one another beyond such statement of “ I am more aware of my environment”  we could all learn from looking outward in equal measure to what we are within. We are really only, most of the time, conceptualizing in our heads only, without opening up and sharing, in detail, with the environment around us. Because of this, we live outwardly statements that have no real clarification. In other words we do not really come here, we do not really bring our presence here, thus we are not really living here. Most of our lives are spent in our heads.

Meanwhile, I am getting tense, and as this is myself on a journey to life, because I am the one who has to do this, as no one can do this for me, I have to stop myself from going into judgment and slow down, breath, ground myself here. My own tension, is because I am judging, I am looking at the measure within this group, the measure of presence being focused within, via the words that are not very descriptive, and how I, as a socially accepted behavioral measure, must remain within the group as the measure of my own expression. I do speak up, at times, but I also realize to jump from statements of general ideas, to intimate details, can be too much of a sudden change of measure. What do you think moving through the eye of the needle means? It means to conceptually be fluid in being able to move in space here, in this physical world, even understanding the form and flow of our present system,. If we really look at it, we will see that it really makes no sense in terms of supporting life. And life is the value.

When I get tense, I am within my own ideas about what should be, how to bring what I believe into the measure of the moment.  If I am not aware of how a person becomes the very measure of insight as what they are, as their focus within on ideas, because the within is a measure of reality which is an idea about reality, and what is going on without, as this actual physical world in its movement and measure in detail, meaning the way the very minerals and other components exist in this space of reality, then I cannot really be aware of here, I am not really present, I cannot move in sync with the whole, just as I am when playing in a musical group. I have to be aware of the time and space length, duration, intensity, physical movement of things etc. to remain in the measure as the piece in total! So, playing in a musical group, is like how life should be lived! 

A  note - so to speak, is a unit, a measure that builds,  it is the focus here, here, here , here, as the physical world, that brings the ease, because the measure of the whole as self being this within, is what focuses self as life to become equal to the very volume of life as everything, because the physical is as much life as what is going in inside the head ONLY. When statements are made, and oggled at, without developing the understanding in detail within the whole, one is really living in mind only, so conceptually, ones moving within in a very limited con-text as mind, and is not equal to life, because life would not divide into ignoring some aspects, it would accept all aspects and move and breath and interconnect as one, each separate part moving as one, each individual expression moving as one, and for this, each part must be present, equal within to the without, as the physical.  Thus, the system of inequality on earth, is a crime against life. Each member of this orchestra of life, must be, in presence measure, listening to the whole and the parts, developing an awareness of the outer and the inner measure of this world as self within and the physical without and the systems we have accepted and allowed that are the measure of having lived within without reference to the without as the physical as being of equal import as who and what we are, where nothing is more than another because each part expresses life. A socially engineered .system of hierarchy that suppresses the presence of life within will not work, because it does not give the space and time for the presence within all things to be the response of life as what each is. Such a system cannot and will not work, no words of justification, no one sided touting will  change this, no armies bullying an idea from some centralized dictate will change this, it simply cannot be done because it is not the nature of life.  In this, we all need one another to be present in equal measure to the space without and the space within - so to speak.  This can only happen here, in this moment. Our memories must be equal to here, of equal measure in focus to here. 

Meanwhile, back to myself again. lol. It is not that looking at this, in measure, that is the problem within myself, it is where I allow myself to become upset about it, because becoming upset is not being present in the measure and expanding that measure to become a balanced within and without equality. This is me realizing what I have done, as I have not really lived life because I was the same, which was being an end game as mind only so much of my life. When I react to this emotionally. I allow this to bother me as though it is some great injustice. And being this state of being as thinking this is some great injustice, I am no different than the women who becomes an awe about some idea without taking the time to consider in practice what such a statement made by another really mans in practice.   And this is the solution, to slow down, to realize the measure of self within, and to bring focus and presence awareness to the without world as the physical - within and without - where the dis-ease is also the within presence not being aware of itself in detail within!  And within this to realize the separation because one has to correct a practice of separation, and bring this back down to earth, ground this here because one can only hear what is going on in practice, in expression, here. One has to take that presence ability to measure space , and relate to the physical and self, as this is respecting all life.

My tension is myself inferior to life and it is me rushing within to judge as a point of superiority, as in all common sense, the only thing that can be done in such a situation is to begin to walk the presence of self back into the measure of awareness of the inner beingness being focused here to the outer world as the physical. The hierarchies as the mind, are what separates and creates the existential system imposed on the physical by men, without. It is a system that forces separation and it is here because each of us has believed that what imagery we hold within is more that what allows that imagery to exist, which is the physical world. Thus, our present system cannot work, no touted words using the means of life as sound are going to make it work, it simply cannot work by design. Like the mind, in each , the signs of hierarchy into inequality  are disrupting the physical, and the outcome is as the story of the bible, one that ends in total annihilation of life. Period. 

In this situation, I cannot react, I can only journey myself back to life, to inform myself equally within to the without, the above to the below to stand as two or more in the name of life as the substance of the physical, as cross referencing the physical world in ways that do no harm, to remain stable in respect of this, yesterday, today and tomorrow, as this is giving as I would receive, which is the equation in word of equality and oneness, which is being here, listening here to reality, being respectful and gracious of the life that is me, without, walking the practice of being in equal measure to all things which is consideration of all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a measure of awareness within expressed in words, in statements, not seeing realizing and understanding that I can understand this, as it does not define me, and as such I can accept the measure here, to understand and then forgive that measure through bringing it back into practical application as what would ground in understanding here as respecting the physical world which means looking at the sound, the form, the function of the actual physical world, and the systems accepted and allowed that miimic limitation that must come to support all life as being the value, which begins with myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself into ideas as mind only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge, to punish a measure of presence in another, to believe that this is separate from me, to not see, realize and understand that this is a measure, a volume of presence and that the solution within this, is to equalize in awareness of physical reality, in all the measures of space here, as length, duration, intensity, volume, quality, tempo, to become the presence of self absorbing here, this reality as being life, realizing that this is the definition of being life because life would be a structure that expresses as what the physical world is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to statements that are not followed through in detail, and to within this, judge the statement and the person making the statement as less, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is me in another live as awareness of the measure of the expression of life in form, and the informed within and as mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how when I judge and become a reaction in any way, I am separating from practical application of living and  by the default as mind only, moving into energy as polarizing into values of more than and less then to justify, which is not being practical here, equal and one to the measure of life in expression, as creation as the physical world here, the way and the means of life in expression, the way and the means of creation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy of superiority, judging the limitations of presence locked in idea only, as being less than myself, as this is not what I would want from another for myself, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become as that which I judged, to label another as less, not seeing realizing and understanding the measure of the presence of life, and modeling/living/practicing that which grounds here, into equal consideration of all life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear change, to fear the change, the segue process in movement within into equalizing presence to the without as the physical world, as there is nothing to judge within and as this, as in every moment it is to consider all things and to take that which is good, to ground oneself here, and to within this, see, realize and understand that in every moment this is in so many ways a reciprocal action as the without reveals the very measure of myself within.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have expectations, which is my within separating from the without, as ignoring the gift of myself as life to sense with the presence of myself as life, as self, the space and movement and measure of here as the physical as creation, where I stand equal and one in walking my presence as grounding myself here, with creation, within and as that which does not harm, using the means of expression, as word and deed, ensuring that my thoughts are a cross reference to here, as the physical world, respecting life and realizing within this that the separation from life as the minds of men, exists because of what has been accepted and allowed, thus, as life, it is to model life, which requires no judgement, and to be thankful that when and as I move into judgement, the energy of this, that which is unsound, becomes a movement within and as me as my human physical body being unbalanced and in a state of dis-ease, meaning lacking the ease of focus here, without judgement, as the self equal and one in full volume of and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had thoughts to and towards limited statements within and as my mind, such as “ this in incredibly ignorant” or, ‘ why does this woman not see that she is not really saying anything” or “ how the hell am I supposed to deal with this” 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into emotions of believing that the process of journeying myself into life, here, is impossible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself, as in tensing up in my chest area and in my left leg, not wanting to look at my own self interested desires, wants and needs based on ideas, that I  have allowed to have me behave in superior ways which is not modeling, expressing living here, equal and one in measure of consideration of physical reality, as this is life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not good enough and that I am a failure within and as creating a change where others recognize themselves as life in physical formation here, when I have walked this process for some time and realize that it is a journey of resounding self back into grounding oneself here equal and one with and as the physical world, thus all I can do is practice walking into becoming equal and one with reality, which is to ground myself here, in consideration of what does no harm to the physical and as such considers all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire recognition through myself here, when the greatest gift is to allow another the self discovery of self as life, as this is the strongest measure of standing as life here, because it is giving as one would want to receive, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to punish myself based on having ideas about how things should move, which is a separation within from being present here, walking the practice of respect for all life as the physical, which is to walk into the moment to become the solution of considering all things and taking that which is good and does no harm here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense within and as me, I slow myself down, I breath, I ground myself here, I forgive the judgmental measure within and as me as a movement within as rejection of some quality that I make a bad because I fear it defining me, and I accept that and I look at what I want to ‘ push’ onto the situation as a movement within, where there is a sucking like a pulling to push a value as an idea out to grab the attention of others onto that which I want to validate within and as me, as this is where I project blame onto another, or spite the measure in protection of myself as mind, as belief, as idea, and I stop,, breath, forgive the thoughts, the movement of myself within that is of energy, racing, desiring, based on limited insight, not being equal to here, and I resound the parts and the whole, to become the resounding of the physical world, something that will take time, as this was not learned, though this was self that learned to crawl, to walk, as this is the way as myself as the gift of life into equality and oneness with creation, accepting all life, which means to accept the physical world, which means to bring heaven to earth, to exist in equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I investigate the actual physical quality of what is here, to understand practical purpose, of the physical, to realize what would be a movement that does no harm, that considers all things, to ground myself here, to begin the practice of moving through the eye-of-the-needle to equalize myself to life through cross reference, investigation of here as physical means of life and the practice thereof, to begin a journey to become a steward of this earth, this home, this that is me in another form, the physical.

When and as I find myself having the thought that this is too much, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and see realize and understand that though it may be too late for earth because the separation from self as life within and as mankind, I see , realize and understand that the only solution, no matter what, is to walk myself, to journey myself back into equality and oneness with and as life here as the real living ease that we all seek, is to ground ourselves here, equal and one to build a memory that sees directly here, equal and one with and as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest and left leg, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that the sense of me as life, is a presence that is so able by nature to move through the eye of the needle, as the physical, to sense form and function, just as the presence of myself can hear the parts and the whole of the music within a group, something that can develop with time, and can begin to move exponentially if one focuses here, as this is the nature of self as life, just as the nature of a child can learn to crawl and to walk, such is the greatness of the movement of life here, as men will be creative and inventive as can be seen with all the technologies that develop practices that are less abusive to this earth, such as solar power, such as eating healthy nutrient dense foods, such as allowing children to interact directly with the greatest technology that exists which is the actual real physical earth world here, all of which means that we can order this earth in ways that support all life, where no matter where our children walk, they encounter no harm, which is what we would have wanted for ourselves.

When and as I find myself having the thought that another is limited, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess the measure of belief, and I investigate the actual real physical world here, and I share my own investigations as suggestions about information that I understand, or am beginning to understand to ask the questions as to what are we not seeing realizing and understanding within a practical physical reality, as this is the carrier of ourselves here as life,

When and as I find myself losing my breath, as iN breathing without ease, as in breathing in an erratic way, I stop and I slow way down, and ground myself here, becoming silent within, forgiving  ideas, beliefs and opinions of doom and gloom, “ what if’s” such as “ this person will reject me, or will no longer ‘ like’ me” and I stop, I breath, and I realize that this cannot define me, as what define me is life here, as the physical as this is how I  exist period.

Day 605 Self Forgiveness on this Morning's Rant. I am what I accept and allow.

SF on Suppression

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear following through, to fear moving out of agreement within a narrow focus in perspective of reality with others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have made the mis-take of reality, in my dealings with others, as I allowed myself to remain within self interest based on a fear of thwarting what was around me as the focus of other’ within my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my own stuckness conceptually within which limited my perception of reality without, and lead to stagnation within and as me into and as a lesser expression composed of value touting within a very narrow focus, an entity within the machine of and as me as my human physical body as a mind consciousness of limited structure that became physically integrated as the information of and as me, this that I accepted and allowed, where there is no one to blame, no one to spite, simply to become a directive principle of being aware, using my common sense, to respect all life as the physical and to see, at this point, the structures manifest as the present financial system that limits access to exposure and opportunity to grow and accept/ become the innate ability of men, to care for their world around them and to develop in awareness of the practical physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tout a good, in a very narrow focus, in self interest and gain, without looking at the consequences of my narrow self interest and what such ignores and does not consider within the broader physical world in which I live, to see, realize and understand the total machine of life as the physical, to connect with this unawareness, as mind,  I have allowed and to bring this into awareness as this is real living, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the inner conflict of limited values where the good touting is what defines me, this based on ignoring the whole, creating a bad of my own common sense, in and as not looking at the whole and the parts, and suppressing/ignoring/resisting/ shutting down/ running from/ fearing to face/ my own sensibility as my natural ability as life to absorb the world around me, my natural learning ability, my common sense, my own ability to conceptualize the form and function of this means of life as this physical world, which necessitates a direct connection to, awareness of, respect for, direct seeing/being in connection with.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that the suppression of myself as life, has become a habit, like a broken record, like a dis-eased entity, like a fearful ghost, like an angry demon, like a embittered man, like a lack of connection, like a slow-moving-conceptually- blob of spewing value over practical reality - stuck in this persona of embroidered justifications, creating a techno colored dream coat of pictures justifying my own existence consuming the very flesh of me as life, continuing the separation from life that I accepted and allowed until that life is gone, a life that never connects to life, and as such ends up trespassing on life instead of becoming one and equal with what is eternal, which is realizing the value is life, here, as life the substance of life which is nothing into expression/movement as informing as the physical world.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I must as an expression of life forgive my trespasses as ego against life, which is the act of deconstruction of myself into reconstruction through writing and self corrective measurable sounding and action as accepting life through self forgiveness of what self has accepted and allowed to define self in self interest in separation from self as life as self as the sound of common sense here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  believe that there is conflict in expressing life awareness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I must answer to limitation to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear moving in common sense of here, as this is the only choice.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear resistance to change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to  look at comfort zones in fear of the slowing down to look movement and redirection movement in changing the awareness platform as idea made comfortable conceptually to define, embedded and as such a process of walking the movement into change, to rebuild, to return to self as life to connect to the physical world, to realize practical reality, to find the ease of self here, no longer trespassing on life, but becoming one and equal to and as life here.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that reaction is reaction to change, where the process is to realize one’s starting point and to expand in awareness to and with the whole as the physical.

Self Corrective Writing

When and as I find myself  becoming a falling liquid as mind, from my head area, a heavy unclear syrup that is not of ease, like  pristine water, like a clearness that is like a lens of seeing directly and becoming that of direct seeing as conceptually being able to move with ease into the only choice in and as solution within awareness of what is best for all, I stop and I breath and I assess what I am allowing as belief, opinion and idea, and I stop, I slow down, and I evaluate what I am perceiving as this accepted and allowed entity of limited insight and personification of limited values and resisting common sense as the bad entity that will pop the bubble of self definition that I accepted and allowed, and here to see realize the conflict as my resistance to being and doing and moving as self as life here, which is in application, the directive as the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

When and as I find myself feeling loopy within and as me, I slow way down and I breath, and I do not allow myself to feel unworthy or less than, or guilty, or ashamed, I accept and forgive what I have accepted and allowed, and I walk myself back into being connected with practical reality in accepting myself as life, and realizing that that which I had made a bad as an idea is of a different quality other than my own cultural constructs only and does not define me- thereby becoming limited in and as a belief that this negating could cancel my own self definitions - and to also realize that undercurrent of my own common sense, which I have allowed myself to suppress in fearing to look at the whole as the physical  and be  myself as life, within  myself  my common sense ability to accept self responsibility as life, here.

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