a widows journey to life: hear

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all there is is HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to always bring myself back to HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have a relationship to HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become ansi and restless in the face of a rant, my own or from another, the onlysolution is to stop and to breath and to bring myself here, to look at what I am ranting about and what the rant supports as an idea, belief or opinion, want, desire or need, and to stop and to come back to HERE.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow ideas in and as my mind, which are always judgements, upholding a moreal as what I believe myself to be as reactions in fear of myself as life, separating myself from here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow relationships that are in separation from what is actually practically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that having “faith” is existing in total abdication of what is actually physically here, which within a system of inequality would be what is taught as this takes what is real, the very resource of this earth and diminishes it in the eyes of the labor force as the human, to make this resource believe in something else being real to allow what is real, this physical world, to then be owned by a few.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the idea of faith is an opiate of the masses, that leads to a fantasy and a separation from what is real which is what is here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creating a dream, and building an idea of “faith” to and towards that “dream” and saying this over and over again until it is believed is the perfect guise to control what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the development of relationships being made so huge as being more important than another, is also the same thing used to separate from here, as this is making a part of all that is here, bigger than another part of here, and this is a means of separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I become separate from HERE, I will no longer be able to see, here, and thus I will lose my sense of space HERE, which is what happens to so many humans as they age, they lose their sense of here and can no longer walk on this earth, this physical real world HERE, or even stand for that matter.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the lack of communication between individuals is also revealing a separation from HERE.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have voices in and as my mind, that are myself thinking, “ I have to get away from here”, which is what I am doing when I do not want to hear the rants of another.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to say to someone telling me about their past, “ What does this have to do with what is right HERE right now?”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think, “ I want to get away from this.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say to myself “ I don’t want to hear this” which as the words suggest, I do not want to HERE this, as this seems like a burden to me, and I immediately want to protect myself from bringing HERE the “hear” as the words being spoken.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine escape, to think of ways to escape, to not have to HERE the thing being HEARd.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine no longer having to here the HEARd.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only way out of the HEARd is to HERE the HEARd.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the HERD as the sheep as the human is separated from the HERE through the HEARd.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become ansi, I am a reaction to the HEARd as wanting to escape instead of bringing myself here in practical common sense of what is here, as it is here that I move myself, it is here that supports me as life, as the mind cannot exist without HERE, which is explained within the Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs and the History of Mankind series at Eqafe, among others.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that within my human physical body I become restless and ansi, and become a behavior of wanting to escape, which is a behavior of separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in wanting to escape I am not facing that which is before me, that is me, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust myself as life here, and to stand and to be here and to realize that all there is is here, as this is the answer to the ego as the rant as the story that, as ego, is in separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in not bringing what is said, here, I separate myself from my own self hONEsty and do not allow myself to develop common sense of what is here in practice within and as myself here and only prolong my separation from life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very act of comparison is myself within limited values, as I am not here, accepting what is actually physically here, understanding the very form of what is here and investigating what is here, simply as what it is and how it functions in and as support as life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that there is no running away, as all there is is here.
I commit myself to breathing when I feel myself becoming restless and ansi to center myself here, and within this direct all that is being spoken, as myself as mind as the voices in my head and the HEARd words of another to here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I serve an emotion or feeling within and/or without I am serving/responding, as what has been taught as what I am in gender, race, society, region, nationality - all of which are built from idea, opinions and beliefs of what is more than and less than in value collectivelyaccepted as definitions made huge and idolized not seeing realizing and understanding that this very movement of myself was to and towards survival within a system of survival, done for so long, for eons of time, that I can no longer see through these selected values that I service through becoming the voice of again and again and again and within this voice these limited values, these selected values to maintain my salvation within this system of survival that is inequality within myself in relation to my roles, and without, believing I am saving another through directing them to take on my values, my way of surviving, where if I stand back and breath, and slow myself down, I will realize I have been existing in separation from what is actually physically here, I have done this for so long that I have no concept of HERE, thus am I unworthy of life through my own doing as I have ignored here, ignored the total value as the value being life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am with a man, specifically, and he reprimands me for not having been with him when he met another person who ended up complaining, saying he wished I had been there to “save” him and within this I have a tinge of guilt and a voice saying I am not responsible for this, I am blaming myself for not having supported another in what I believe I am supposed to do for another as in filling a role play as what has been learned that is in ignorance of what is here, as emotions and feelings have become justifiable and servicable within obligation, this whole scenario an ignorance of what is actually physically here, and an ignorance of looking at the very structures of support through resource use and distribution that we have allowed to believe should be bought, that we must buy our life when life is what we are and thus this is what is the gift and what is the value, and within this, if the human is running around constantly serving limited values and beliefs to maintain a collection of values - within all thedivisions existent within the human society - such as gender, class, race, ethnicity, nationality, etc. etc. -we are in effect serving a collectively held, selectively chosen labels within built up ideals of what will allow us to survive, where these beliefs, ideals and values have become traditions, meaning what was traded as self as life into and as limited signatures within wanting to survive, where what I have expressed, or traded as the substance of myself as life within expression, has allowed myself to gain within a system of inequality, to see realize and understand that to maintain all of this, I am in essence being a bully when ever any choice is made that is not what is best for all, whenever a choice is made that does not support all life, that does not realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I continue within emotions and feelings and thoughts I am living a separation from equality and oneness to what is actually here, thus I am in separation from here, and becoming upset in any way is actually myself in separation from here, equal and one with here, any complaint, any whine, any placating of a whine, any service to a whine of self pity, of woe, is me as a separation from here, as a whine/complaint is service to emotions, thoughts or feelings in and as mind as character as persona within or without, in-fear-i-or/hear/ear give to surv-i-al as the human is the only perceived “all” within a limited ability to realize all life as being equal, which is the consequence of believing the human superior to what is here on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that after the death of my husband, and probably before -having been a foreigner in another culture, I had so many people voicing ideas and opinions and beliefs as to what i should or should not do, ideas and beliefs about what had happened, ideas and beliefs about what I needed, who I should be with, how I should exist etc. etc etc. that one day I just had to stop, as I was becoming angry with this constant telling to me of what i should or should not do/be/chose/live as when none of it actually was physically helping me support myself as my children in any way what so ever, that even within society as a single mom, I was held socially at some distance, only allowed venues where I would not be perceived as some kind of threat by both females and males, to the point where I could see that judgements held more value than what was actually here, that so much of this world is one big cry of self validation within desperately held ideas, opinion and beliefs as to what was here, when the whole time, what was here was ignored, that this was blatantly evident within the health industry if one would take the time to investigate and there are many standing up and voicing this, professional healthpractitioners, yet no one wants to realize that we all must stand up investigate and make the change together,because that pension and that health insurance are not going to be what will deliver the best practice, as a state of health is not a profitable state within a profit based system. Health does not make money.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go off on a tangent, yet this tangent is the image and likeness - as the subject I used- of all that exists on this earth down to the very detail of what the human is being as emotion and feelings and thoughts, as these emotions , feelings and thoughts, are the divisions of self into and as selectively, thus limited and inconsiderate, held values ( that in themselves are not good or bad) as a “dress code” as a human more-all code in separation from total consideration of life, as total consideration of life supports all life and makes the profit life, and not a separation into a relative/representative value being life, as what money is and has been allowed to become as the determiner of life, thus does the human actually represent the separation from life, so easy to see as what the state of this earth reveals in the loss of soils, animals, drinkable water, where the human must stop and realize the consequence of a limited value system, this limited value an act of division into and as controlable states of being as self definitions that take this taught interest of self and bind this to an outer divided interest in service to limited values, thus is the existence of self, as emotions, thoughts and feelings, the currency of expression for survival, just as money is the currency of allowing what allows expression as an outer structure here, thus what is within is without, one and the same manifestation, a separation from what is real, from what is the absolute value, which is life.
Thus, within this,
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to separate into and as energy, as an emotion/feeling/thought of myself as a whine, complaint, in and as a belief that I am less than another, as this is existing within a value secondary to realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, equal and one to what is here, to no longer allowing and accepting myself to physically constrict as thought I am a blow torch sucking in being here, into and as an energetic motion, as an emotion/feeling through a thought of myself believing that I will lose something, when what is lost is a relationship in separation from being the living word as being equal and one to all that is here as life.
I commit myself to realizing the structures in and as what I am allowing myself to exist as, in looking at the very thought, emotion and feeling I am allowing that indicates the values I determine and thus become to ensure my own survival, not asking the question as to why I am spending all of myself surviving, why I am acting in the interest of survival and not expressing myself as life, which is to say , why am I worrying, complaining, fretting, and thus fearing and thus hiding and blaming and judging and and and instead of living as an expression of life here.
I commit myself to inwardly realizing that I exist as fear and that it is this fear that creates a feeling of worth and/or unworth as I attempt to survive within a system that uses this fear, as all humans are fear, as the few who have control of that which controls as a starting point of belief in loss that is from an initial separation from equality and oneness as what is absolute as the substance of life, where each must realize the separations individually accepted and forgive this beingness and within this stand collectively and create/organize/clean up the same outward structure that is a profit determined through money- as separation, no longer aligned with the absolute value in all that is here on this earth as being the substance that is equal and one in all that is here.
I commit myself through breath to realize how I have relied on relationships as support of myself , not seeing realizing and understanding that yes within this system that is a separation, relationships are what sustains me, yet this is an ignorance of what is actually sustaining, and this has gone on for so long I realize nothing else, and no longer see physical reality which must stop, as I must stand, breath, self forgive myself and correct my starting point back to and into what is absolute within all that is here, as this is the value, which is life, which does not deny actually physical “relations/communications” with what is within my world, it simply means that what is here is life, and that this is the value.
I commit myself to breathing, to bringing myself here, every time I fear losing a “made huge as value” relationship to realize the value is life, to realize the only answer is in recognition of what is absolute, one and equal in all that exists on this earth, which is the very substance of life here and to see, realize and understand that emotions , thoughts and feelings are a time warp from being here.
I commit myself to realize that when I become the character of fear of non compliance into and as fearing loss and/or punishment I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself this separation through breathing, bringing myself here within and as the principle of oneness and equality, and I do not allow the thoughts as judgements as learned deliniated values of a more all code that is a relationship built as what i support myself with in recognition of the human only and a system of money determining life that is/has been built/allowed/supported as money, to be all that I see, forgiving myself as these learned thoughts back to myself, and within this taking the ensuing emotions and feelings as the polarities of my thoughts back to be directed within what is best for all in support of what is absolute, as the value of life, no longer becoming the action of loss of myself as life, as I become the action of fear of loss within allowing emotions , thoughts and feelings to he what i am here, as what i have been taught that is a belief in a relationship as the definition of myself.

I commit myself to asking myself why I cannot read beyond a set of consequences existent within this world, why I become uneasy within going beyond learned structures of sequences, to realize that what I voice is often a limited set of patterns and that this is knowledge and information, and not what enables me to see what is actually physically here, or even really understand what is actually physically here as life.
I commit myself to no longer allow the personification of worth or un-worth as this is a separation from being directed as what is best for all, but an emotional storm of a belief in more than and less than which in essence is what a personification is, manifest as outplays as characters in fear of loss as guilt and shame, and gain and praise all in an awareness that self has separated self from self as life, that self is no longer in common sense of what is absolute, one and equal , in all existent on earth, which is that the value is life.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that life is not in expression here on earth, that what exists is death and destruction, that for life to begin all must stand as self as life, in common sense, that this system of money determining life- and this no longer supporting life, must stop and be realigned to support the value that is what life is, and that within this each and every thing of this earth will become an expression of life and know thyself as life, here, the potential for which cannot be realized until all that is here is equal and one, within self as realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to realizing that the consequences of my allowed separation manifest physically in my human physical body, as I am not taking care with my human physical body in utilizing it as an instrument of life, as I am using this human physical body as a battery to support energetic reactions as emotions, thoughts and feelings, that are the polarities of my accepted separation into believing a secondary relationship has more value than that which is the sustenance of myself as the value, which is the substance of life equal and one in all existent on earth.