Day 180 What is physically actually HERE

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all there is is HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to always bring myself back to HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have a relationship to HERE.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become ansi and restless in the face of a rant, my own or from another, the onlysolution is to stop and to breath and to bring myself here, to look at what I am ranting about and what the rant supports as an idea, belief or opinion, want, desire or need, and to stop and to come back to HERE.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow ideas in and as my mind, which are always judgements, upholding a moreal as what I believe myself to be as reactions in fear of myself as life, separating myself from here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow relationships that are in separation from what is actually practically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that having “faith” is existing in total abdication of what is actually physically here, which within a system of inequality would be what is taught as this takes what is real, the very resource of this earth and diminishes it in the eyes of the labor force as the human, to make this resource believe in something else being real to allow what is real, this physical world, to then be owned by a few.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the idea of faith is an opiate of the masses, that leads to a fantasy and a separation from what is real which is what is here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creating a dream, and building an idea of “faith” to and towards that “dream” and saying this over and over again until it is believed is the perfect guise to control what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the development of relationships being made so huge as being more important than another, is also the same thing used to separate from here, as this is making a part of all that is here, bigger than another part of here, and this is a means of separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I become separate from HERE, I will no longer be able to see, here, and thus I will lose my sense of space HERE, which is what happens to so many humans as they age, they lose their sense of here and can no longer walk on this earth, this physical real world HERE, or even stand for that matter.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the lack of communication between individuals is also revealing a separation from HERE.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have voices in and as my mind, that are myself thinking, “ I have to get away from here”, which is what I am doing when I do not want to hear the rants of another.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to say to someone telling me about their past, “ What does this have to do with what is right HERE right now?”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think, “ I want to get away from this.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say to myself “ I don’t want to hear this” which as the words suggest, I do not want to HERE this, as this seems like a burden to me, and I immediately want to protect myself from bringing HERE the “hear” as the words being spoken.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine escape, to think of ways to escape, to not have to HERE the thing being HEARd.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine no longer having to here the HEARd.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only way out of the HEARd is to HERE the HEARd.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the HERD as the sheep as the human is separated from the HERE through the HEARd.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become ansi, I am a reaction to the HEARd as wanting to escape instead of bringing myself here in practical common sense of what is here, as it is here that I move myself, it is here that supports me as life, as the mind cannot exist without HERE, which is explained within the Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs and the History of Mankind series at Eqafe, among others.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that within my human physical body I become restless and ansi, and become a behavior of wanting to escape, which is a behavior of separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in wanting to escape I am not facing that which is before me, that is me, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust myself as life here, and to stand and to be here and to realize that all there is is here, as this is the answer to the ego as the rant as the story that, as ego, is in separation from here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in not bringing what is said, here, I separate myself from my own self hONEsty and do not allow myself to develop common sense of what is here in practice within and as myself here and only prolong my separation from life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very act of comparison is myself within limited values, as I am not here, accepting what is actually physically here, understanding the very form of what is here and investigating what is here, simply as what it is and how it functions in and as support as life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that there is no running away, as all there is is here.
I commit myself to breathing when I feel myself becoming restless and ansi to center myself here, and within this direct all that is being spoken, as myself as mind as the voices in my head and the HEARd words of another to here.

Day 178 rejection through having judged

Day 178
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all judgements are an act of protection and defense, all thought are a delineation of myself from taking a physical action that is in communion with and as life here in and as breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to perpetuate the act of myself as a child, being in comfort of attention and energetic excitement as a feel good high, where the loss of this created a fear become anger as reaction, the sequence of which was in and as itself an act of separation from here, a development of myself from here, where I then began the behavior of survival, mimicking the influences as the same behaviors as all that was accepted and allowed within the social structures of the human, as the world within which I was born and bore as a self definition in separation from myself as life, where life was the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought that my parents needed pity and/or thought less of me, not seeing realizing and understanding their ownaddictions to finding solace in all that was known to them as the seeking of a feel good within and as themselves, an existence within a bubble of self interested realignment to a state of bliss as innocence, where this expression as life was not given development within expression in and as this physical world and instead developed into a inner feeling of bliss that required constant validation as it was not constant, as this was not an inner action of unity with all life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind reflects the ideas,beliefs, and opinions of loss and thus is the sign of separation, yet the human has made the sign of separation what is real, not seeing realizing and understanding the true nature of what the mind is in fact.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only choice is to face this separation as the signifier of what is feared being lost as the illusion, and thus the means of placing self into and as life, here - as though what is the divider is the guide, as the thing separating shows what it is as its nature, and thus reveals what it is, as actions cannot be hidden because they are an act and have a consequence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take my thoughts and use them to beat others into submission to and towards my own thoughts as the signifiers of my separation, in an attempt to make my separation valid and real, not seeing realizing and understanding that in one way this is making my fear more important and valid than another’s fear, because my hurt and injustice was greater than another’s, when this is the nature of injustice made huge not realizing it is “in just” not understanding what is the reality of this actual physical world and self as life within and as this, and all that is here is to support those who managed to control and build the biggest pyramid of separation from themselves as life as this is the system accepted and allowed that must stop and realign to and towards what is best for all through actual research of this physical world absent a system of profit that is structured to allow a few to horde what is given freely by this earth as this earth is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that interaction with the mind as justifier and screamer of my hurt is greater than your hurt, is one long crying whine/whincing/ manipulating of self physically, and is the very act of separation from being one and equal to what is here, to actually learn and become an expression in and as life, that which is really sought by all that are here, as this physical world, yet the separation is what is believed to be real. WTF
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not stop, within and as breath, to see, realize and understand the mechanics of the mind, through listening and reading what desteni presents as how the mind functions, where self forgiveness, corrective application and writing are the tools to see what has been accepted as a quantum mind to stop the separation from actual physical common sense of this physical world into and as existing within a separate inner reality within a belief that thoughts are real and have value, and the state of this world reveals that thoughts have no value other than indicating how delusional and separate from reality man has become, and how this separation serves self interest, where a few have managed to collect more than in their own self interest as they are separate from life where the only choice is to realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in growing up what was often said between my father and I was that having another pour their emotions and feelings out was crude, as this was an act of self interest and a manipulation, where I learned to “push back” on this instead of looking at the separation that it was admitted that this was, as it is a device of manipulation as seen in the documentaries Psywar/ a Century of Self/ The Trap which reveal how this is used, how the fanning of emotions into and as desires as beliefs of what is needed to make self more than and satisfied is in the self interest of consumerism and has no directive to and towards an awareness of how this physical world actually functions to become one and equal with and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the anger towards this as a judgement is myself in fear of facing how emotions and feelings are a separation from life, of facing my own accepted and allowed emotions and feelings as accumulated thoughts as desires wants and needs that have no actual direction within and as becoming one and equal to and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, in practice, with and as every breath, self forgiveness and corrective application as the tools of support to bring myself here to become one and equal to what is actually here and face whatever emotion, thought and feelings within and/or without to stand within the directive principle of what is best for all, where through breath and common sense this is not difficult as this is equality and oneness with and as life, and therefor, what is best for all and what is best for self, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the emotions and feelings cannot touch me unless I accept and allow them to as they are energy, unable to sustain themselves without constant validation and voice and thus have no constancy within and as common sense.
Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat in and as my mind, in indignation, as “ Don’t pour your emotions all over me” or “How dare you waste my time with your self pity” and / or “Get the fuck away from me” or “ How dare you ask me in your insipid voice to tell me that I am hurting your feelings - this just makes me want to gag and roll my eyes” as such back chats are in many ways myself just wanting my own emotions and feelings to be center stage.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to regret ever having existed as such a personification of my own self interests in abdication of myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this character of indignation categorized my emotions and feelings as having more value than another’s emotions and feelings, and yet there was a grain of truth within and as this, that emotions and feelings are a separation from what is here- the voice of the mind in separation from life here and the voice of self interest.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I accept and allow my own emotion/reaction of guilt when having emotions and feelings that are one and the same as what I denigrate in others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see how this can create a character of self righteousness and superiority, actually separating myself from what is here, as this is not an act of equal consideration and self direction, and self honesty into and as what is best for all, as the separation into more than, covered with cultural more-alls is a separation from consideration that all ( as one as equal) is the real “more” in and as realizing that the value is life, here.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become, and allow a behavior of rejection through having judged an emotion and feelings instead of realizing the separation and directing this separation back into and as self as life, as all as one as equal, here,
Within this, I commit myself to directing all emotions and feelings in compassion and humility to and towards what is practically best for all, to see, realize and understand that indignation is not a solution but a rejection of self honesty to and towards life, here.
I commit myself to breathing, to realizing that I have the tools, provided and shared by desteni to realign myself within the principle of “giving as one would like to receive” to no longer allow a character of rejection in and as indignation and righteousness.

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Day 133 What is actually here.

I commit myself to realizing that the only thing that is real is what is right here, physically right here in front of me.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that no matter what is said, what is real, is what is right here in front of me.

I commit myself  to see, realize and understand that what I have allowed is as fear/separation consisting of emotions and feelings being thrown at me either accepted and allowed from within or without, emotions and feelings that bear no substance or witness to what is here.

I commit myself to seeing that when I am within and as a feeling or emotion, I am actually separate from what is here and thus allowing myself to exist within and as friction as conflict as unresolved oneness and equality to life, ready for combat within and as a judgment based on self interest as the mind, un-accepting of what is actually physically here as life, where the only real value is life here.

I commit myself to actually walking within myself as life, where nothing can be lost except what is not what is real.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding the extent to which I have allowed myself to exist in and as fear, where I am within separation from life, and within this separation, I have blinded myself to what is actually happening on this planet, I have blinded myself to actually realizing and seeing the consequences of a profit based system through becoming so occupied with my small bubble of life that I have allowed myself to become caught up in emotions and feelings that serve no purpose to life, as they are not aware of or supportive of life here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the only thing I can walk, is what is actually physically here, and if I choose to actually see what is here, that this physical world is life, and thus within this, anything that does not support what is here, that does not take what is freely given by this earth and give it equally to all, to support what is here, is a crime and unacceptable, and that there is absolutely no argument that can stand against this, as life is the value and this is the absolute, period.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing, and understanding through word and focus that every breath I take, every word I speak is in support of all life, where I need not be righteous, as what is here is life, realizing that all emotions, thoughts and feelings are myself in separation from what is actually physically here.

I commit myself to breathing, into, one and equal to my emotions, thoughts and feelings, to bring myself here, to forgive opinions, ideas, wants and needs that are not what is actually supportive of life here.

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