Day 444 Indolent imagination

I looked at the word ”indolent” today, and when I looked passed the present meaning to the latin root it hit a chord in me, one of fear, meaning where I to not pull myself together and stand. "In" means “not” and “dolere”  means “ suffer or give pain” So, to be idle is the choice to not “ suffer or give pain.” 

In a system of inequality, as what presently exists, with resource value transferred to money and then handed out based on values that ignore physical reality, a crime against life, especially in a system of growing automation and a physical world of freely given resources that have been developed by many many generations of men, and that same system that has practices that are barbaric in no longer being known to be supportive or sustainable, that have become an elephant in the room that no one dares stand against because in myopic self interest and the indolence of entertainment as television and media all any human point can think of is fearing to lose their money, their paycheck. Even when the practices used are not what is best, that paycheck is more important than the practice. When it must be realized that the way money is used must change, it is not money that is evil, it is how money moves that is evil. I mean, I looked at coal extraction from federal lands, the royalties are a difference of millions to billions in terms of what the sales are of coal, and, by the way, the coal extraction in 2012 jumped a lot. Interesting that we have coal, we allow private companies to sell it abroad and the amount in royalty is minuscule in comparison to sales. Oh, but we are pushing tar sane extraction and pipes that spill. This all seems that the resources of our land are for the profit of a few, even when they are supposedly “ federal lands.” Looks like Congress is being paid in all manner of ways not only despite shut downs, but also despite those unable to feed themselves properly because the minimum wage is not a living wage. Congress is doing business as usual, but then so are we if we prefer paychecks before standing up and changing the system. Are we no different. Would you take advantage of indolent people if you could, for money? You would. The problem is that there are children in this country that lack in so many ways and this is unacceptable.

The CON-sequences we are allowing collectively are going to come home to us, Then it will be too late to do something. The drones will be overhead. I mean, they are to protect those who live in “ white houses” big ones. You are the competition. Collectively, we have to wake up. In this system of not wanting to “ hurt someone’s feelings” we are causing suffering. Feelings are where we are idle. 

Myself, I realize I am the same, I don’t want to face speaking up about how the mind works. I want to be nice about it. There really is no “ nice” about it, a cup is a cup. Being straight about something is being focused, looking at physical consequence. It is like facing someone who is hiding, and has hidden their head in the sand for a very long time, so much so that a real tangible form is unbearable in its intensity compared to the substance-less pictures of the mind. I mean, is this not the problem with porn for eample. The pictures ignite the body chemistry, so when real physical intimacy happens it is a let down because it is not that addicted to"quick fix". Unfortunately, that chemical dopamine fix is not self living in full potential. I guess Congress has you right where they want you. Congress is like a collection of spiders weaving a web, and we are all caught in its net.

Back to myself, again.

When I am in front of a person actually talking, I begin to move and use common sense. But, when I THINK about doing this, I falter, I become idle, indolent. I imagine causing upset. Then I begin to look like that ostrich with my head in the sand.

Self forgiveness thought.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am going to cause harm if I stand up and be direct about how the mind works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear upsetting another's feelings and emotions, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I might upset someone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have a thought that I might upset another, I am existing in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that having another look outside of the mind into realizing how the mind functions is going to " hurt" them and make them suffer, when all that is going to suffer is the state of ignorance accepted and allowed,  and that, within this, the physical is able to be understood so all one need do is speak up in common sense of what physically exists here on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe  as an idea in and as my mind that in speaking and communicating about the actual physical world can cause harm to another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in the moment that when I get this heavy feeling surrounding my head and shoulders that I am becoming a protection and defense in fear of upsetting another instead of remaining in and as breath and using myself common sense, which means  remaining within the script of physical reality.

When and as I find myself going into a thought that i am going to cause harm within saying a " cup is a cup" I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I place myself here.

When and as I have the thought that I am going to cause harm should i speak up about the physical world, in common sense of form and function, I stop and I breath, and I do not allow myself to imagine a future as this is what this is doing in fact, based on past experiences where I have judged myself to have failed because in facing feelings and speaking up, the horse taken to the water did not want to drink, And within this I blamed myself, which is myself as blame in separation from common sense.

When and as I become the thought of causing harm, based on an idea of politeness before naming a thing for what it is, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that even had I not been clear, I can always breath, slow down look at what i have said and forgive any and all indolence in standing up in common sense of a physical world that functions in practical ways able to be understood as life would give understanding absolutely, otherwise life could not exist.

Day 311 Disgust Character Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to realizing when and as i become an emotion of disgust I have already accepted myself to have failed within and as a belief, and within this, to no longer allow this and to stop and to breath, and to see, realize and understand that I can become equal and one within walking in the shoes of the other and realize accepted limitations and clear up these limitations within making clear what exists within and as common sense of how this present system functions in and as inequality that does not serve the interest of what is the real value, here, which is life where the allowance of life is being the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for self.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that , within slowing myself down and breathing, I am able to walk in common sense of what is here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing that failure is a belief in limitation in separation from being one and equal to and as life, here, which is to walk what is best for all, leading to prevention of the existence of stagnant beliefs that are limitations as existing within consciousness, within parts only, thereby creating relative values and this comparison and competition, in separation from being here, as I allow myself to become a movement of bullying one value are more than another, and thus destabilize myself from myself as the presence of life, here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that my sense of disgust is self disgust as I am not allowing myself to exist within common sense of the whole, where the pieces can be brought back to an understanding of how what is here as this system of inequality can be directed within what is best for all as being supporting all life.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that walking this process takes consistent effort and patience as a reaction of disgust within and as me, has become a habit which will take practice within realigning to walking through accepted and allowed thoughts, words and deeds that seek to blame and spite in protection and defense instead of direct within what is best for all, where i have made beliefs, opinions, and ideas more than a principle of what prevents, as what is best for all, and within this allow the taking of things personally to dominate my behavior and internal conversations, and within this become a battle of personifications, in and as energy, in separation from equality as asound sense of being present here, within and as what is best for all, as this is the only choice that moves and directs within and as being life , here.
I commit myself to breathing, to bringing myself here , in common sense that there is nothing to lose, that failure exists in the mind as consciousness only, as this is myself in separation from becoming equal and one within common sense of what is practical in support of all life here, as it is from this point that direction as life is able to be realized and thus practiced within directing myself here.
I commit myself to realizing within and as every breath that the probem is separation into limited value belief only.
I commit myself to realizing that the solution is to bring myself back to what is real, as this actual physical ground as earth, and to in practical common sense become one and equal to what is here, be it the soil or another person, and/or the present system, to see, realize and understand how what is here exists as how it is moved by the conditions created within a system of inequality, and to investigate this and take what is good and and realize through thought word and deed what is supportive of all life, as what is best for self is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that the reward is the removal of war, of conflict , of inequality, of negligence accepted and allowed through limited consideration of this earth, this which supports all life.

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Day 293 Disgust Character Memory: Self Resistance

I have this memory coming up of my husband. He is propped up on the bed with his legs expended out straight. He is slowly rubbing his feet against one another. It was something he did when he sat and read or dealt with paper work on the bed in this way. I remember feeling disgusted by this, and even asking myself why I was having this reaction.
So I look at this as a projection, this “wave” as this emotion of disgust and I bring this back to myself. I slow myself down and I breath. And there it was, this was me, this had absolutely nothing to do with him, this is a piece of the “shell” of myself, within judging, that I have imposed on the reality around me, believing this to be “out there” when it is a movement as energy of my own volition. It is a “volume of separation” , distortion of reality, myself not facing myself. I am the one creating this state of being as “disgust” in the face of a reality that is simply being physical. I mean what the hell is wrong with rubbing one’s feet together? Animals rub against things all the time, even each other, they even lick themselves.
I looked at this “feeling” of disgust and it is how I feel about myself. It is myself disgusted with myself for not being in common sense here, with this physical world,it is myselffearing being common sense, as though being this, is something dirty and unwanted.
In another blog I wrote that asking others to look at something in common sense creates a reaction, as leaving the “text book/blueprint “ of the mind appears threatening, as this means letting go of what is actually causing the seeking, a perpetual state of seeking something, and spewing tons of data, as knowledge and information only, as though this is “the way to go”, which is like a “chicken running around with it’s head cut off”, so to speak, meaning, this is what one is actually doing, running around dead when common sense is not used.
I have to remember a scene with my father a couple of years ago, where I tried not to be the reactive behaviors I had been, and tried to talk with him instead, and what happened is that he looked at me and said , “ I don’t know how to stop what I do” and to see him be this was jarring to me, a woman at this point, as his daughter, to watch. I realized how frightened we all really are, how this has come to be so huge, we cannot see around it, or taking this on and walking through this, walking through this valley of the shadows of fear, is so seemingly “looming” there appears to be no way out. But there is a way out, it is to begin to “clean up the soot” of the fear and clear the waters of self of the separation into and as fear, this covered by and readable as moments of emotions and feelings, and thoughts, such as I have described above, this memory, laced with this emotion of disgust and an image from my past, where obviously I am not in common sense of here and am existing within some fantastic domain that is really about what i have acceptedand allowed in self judgement, knowing full well I have suppressed myself as life.
Why would two feet rubbing together cause a disturbance within me?
Was it the simple “sensing” nature of this? ( I wanted to say sensual but thought this would bring in a sexual element and this has nothing to do with this) Were those two feet rubbing together just simply what I was not allowing within myself as being myself as life, here? Like I am disgusted with this because it reminds me of what i am not using as what I am as life, sensing here, and to realize what i have created within my life in not allowing this? not being in touch with myself here? Has the physical touching the physical become something that generates disgust? Which in essence is saying that common sense is something dirty, and I react, as other react when common sense is applied or suggested as this means facing one’s separations, facing one’s “valley of shadows” that are one’s fears? Just as i looked and realized this disgust had nothing to do with my husband as this was ME, this was about ME, I was creating this, I was projecting this, this was me denying what i was allowing, and this event was the presence of what I resisted within and as my self, and so this persistent feeling of “disgust” as what I reject as the gift of life, is the answer to remove this separation, this shadow, what I am resisting persisting in and as mind, causing moments of emotions and feelings and judgmental thoughts that become a movie projection ontop of this reality. It is like a vortex/tunnel of sending a message outward where I am screaming ( silently) a “need/desire” and feeling physically a sinking feeling/movement and then not wanting to look at it and attaching it to the outer thing/image where if I were to actually stop and breath and listen to my chest it is really a longing to be myself as life, in common sense of myself as life, here. That is just one fucked up state of being, and obviously it is not living. And this is also systemic, because it has a series of movements/generations and thus, though not visibly/readily seeable, it can be “felt” if one simply takes the time and slow down and breathe.
So, I am going to look at this “disgust” as this is not walking in common sense, and it is absent of a directive capacity, and it indicates resistance, and what is resisted persists, as the separation into polarities of good and bad, as placing disgust onto the object and wanting to to “go away’ as though it is not me, is myself believing myself to be superior, as in “ not of this” projection that I believe is out there and not here, because I have been taught to follow such images as reality as mind, and really believe that such is not of myself. Such a thing would create so much inability to communicate on this earth, and this is exactly what is happening all over the world, a lack of communion with what is real, this physical substantive existence and how this physical functions. At present it is like mankind is doing the exact opposite of what is supportive of life. Sending flying shooting guns, as drones to depressed countries is NOT supportive of life, and there is absolutely no reasoning to substantiate this. Shooting things does not clean water, it does not grow food, it does not physically practically rebuild homes and take care of soils and animals, in no way shape or form is this an action of support and it is a waste of resource. It is about money and nothing else, it is money in self interest without consideration of life, it is a state of separation and thus, disease and it needs to be voted out and stopped ASAP. And we are all responsible. So, look at your limited reasoning and your projections and get your head out of the clouds. Flying shooting drones is not life, and yet, is clearly indicates that the technology is here to create world where all needs as life can be met. And I am sure there are inventors out there, that are disgusted with what has been developed to support abuse and destruction, when the intent was to create a world that supported life. Here one only need look to water purification systems that would alleviate the effects of dirty water in purposely left/disallowed undeveloped countries on continents that are abundant in resource.
The con-sequence of con-tradictions are to obvious to deny any longer.
So, if you experience a projection of disgust, know it is you, as what you have accepted and allowed, and it will persist the more you resist, the more you project it outward. And what it is, is you longing for yourself as life, longing for a return of your self as life to a common sense, one and equal, to and as life.

To be continued.

Day 242 A reaction of irritation

I experienced reactive behavior today towards the presentation of something.
I become frustrated and irritated, not as reactive as I have been in the past within such circumstances, but still, it was there, - an angry irritation.
I realize that my irritation is one and the same as the reaction, emotion made bigger than what is actually here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become irritated, into and as a state of ire, which is myself becoming fear and anger, as reaction within and as myself not being understood, where this emotion has no solution, and all that I can do is walk into understanding the separation from what is real here, as emotions based on judgements of what is more and what is less, specifically within judgements in presentation, not seeing realizing and understanding that stopping and looking to what is here, as the whole of what is here, is not a customary practice as the human has existed within the mind as consciousness, as energy, and thus within and as breath I stop and look at the details of what is here as the physical through this mirage of emotion that appears seemingly impossible, a habit of separation from what is real as the physical, to realize the depths of such behaviors and begin to correct them within and without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my irritation is myself within becoming an energetic reaction, in self interest, based on an idea, and a moral code, as the habit of consciousness.

When and as I find myself becoming irritated, I stop and I slow myself way down, in and as breath, as I realize within becoming emotional I will have no effect as I become a judge when conversation or words spoken do not meet my expectations as this is a desire to win, reflecting a feeling, as a fear, of loss.

When and as I find myself becoming irritated I stop and I breath, and I forgive my emotions and feelings of self interest, and I investigate what physically exits and practically walk what is best for all, to give as I would like to receive, to support life, here, as this is the value.

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Day 175 The interest of self into fear

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I serve an emotion or feeling within and/or without I am serving/responding, as what has been taught as what I am in gender, race, society, region, nationality - all of which are built from idea, opinions and beliefs of what is more than and less than in value collectivelyaccepted as definitions made huge and idolized not seeing realizing and understanding that this very movement of myself was to and towards survival within a system of survival, done for so long, for eons of time, that I can no longer see through these selected values that I service through becoming the voice of again and again and again and within this voice these limited values, these selected values to maintain my salvation within this system of survival that is inequality within myself in relation to my roles, and without, believing I am saving another through directing them to take on my values, my way of surviving, where if I stand back and breath, and slow myself down, I will realize I have been existing in separation from what is actually physically here, I have done this for so long that I have no concept of HERE, thus am I unworthy of life through my own doing as I have ignored here, ignored the total value as the value being life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am with a man, specifically, and he reprimands me for not having been with him when he met another person who ended up complaining, saying he wished I had been there to “save” him and within this I have a tinge of guilt and a voice saying I am not responsible for this, I am blaming myself for not having supported another in what I believe I am supposed to do for another as in filling a role play as what has been learned that is in ignorance of what is here, as emotions and feelings have become justifiable and servicable within obligation, this whole scenario an ignorance of what is actually physically here, and an ignorance of looking at the very structures of support through resource use and distribution that we have allowed to believe should be bought, that we must buy our life when life is what we are and thus this is what is the gift and what is the value, and within this, if the human is running around constantly serving limited values and beliefs to maintain a collection of values - within all thedivisions existent within the human society - such as gender, class, race, ethnicity, nationality, etc. etc. -we are in effect serving a collectively held, selectively chosen labels within built up ideals of what will allow us to survive, where these beliefs, ideals and values have become traditions, meaning what was traded as self as life into and as limited signatures within wanting to survive, where what I have expressed, or traded as the substance of myself as life within expression, has allowed myself to gain within a system of inequality, to see realize and understand that to maintain all of this, I am in essence being a bully when ever any choice is made that is not what is best for all, whenever a choice is made that does not support all life, that does not realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I continue within emotions and feelings and thoughts I am living a separation from equality and oneness to what is actually here, thus I am in separation from here, and becoming upset in any way is actually myself in separation from here, equal and one with here, any complaint, any whine, any placating of a whine, any service to a whine of self pity, of woe, is me as a separation from here, as a whine/complaint is service to emotions, thoughts or feelings in and as mind as character as persona within or without, in-fear-i-or/hear/ear give to surv-i-al as the human is the only perceived “all” within a limited ability to realize all life as being equal, which is the consequence of believing the human superior to what is here on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that after the death of my husband, and probably before -having been a foreigner in another culture, I had so many people voicing ideas and opinions and beliefs as to what i should or should not do, ideas and beliefs about what had happened, ideas and beliefs about what I needed, who I should be with, how I should exist etc. etc etc. that one day I just had to stop, as I was becoming angry with this constant telling to me of what i should or should not do/be/chose/live as when none of it actually was physically helping me support myself as my children in any way what so ever, that even within society as a single mom, I was held socially at some distance, only allowed venues where I would not be perceived as some kind of threat by both females and males, to the point where I could see that judgements held more value than what was actually here, that so much of this world is one big cry of self validation within desperately held ideas, opinion and beliefs as to what was here, when the whole time, what was here was ignored, that this was blatantly evident within the health industry if one would take the time to investigate and there are many standing up and voicing this, professional healthpractitioners, yet no one wants to realize that we all must stand up investigate and make the change together,because that pension and that health insurance are not going to be what will deliver the best practice, as a state of health is not a profitable state within a profit based system. Health does not make money.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go off on a tangent, yet this tangent is the image and likeness - as the subject I used- of all that exists on this earth down to the very detail of what the human is being as emotion and feelings and thoughts, as these emotions , feelings and thoughts, are the divisions of self into and as selectively, thus limited and inconsiderate, held values ( that in themselves are not good or bad) as a “dress code” as a human more-all code in separation from total consideration of life, as total consideration of life supports all life and makes the profit life, and not a separation into a relative/representative value being life, as what money is and has been allowed to become as the determiner of life, thus does the human actually represent the separation from life, so easy to see as what the state of this earth reveals in the loss of soils, animals, drinkable water, where the human must stop and realize the consequence of a limited value system, this limited value an act of division into and as controlable states of being as self definitions that take this taught interest of self and bind this to an outer divided interest in service to limited values, thus is the existence of self, as emotions, thoughts and feelings, the currency of expression for survival, just as money is the currency of allowing what allows expression as an outer structure here, thus what is within is without, one and the same manifestation, a separation from what is real, from what is the absolute value, which is life.
Thus, within this,
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to separate into and as energy, as an emotion/feeling/thought of myself as a whine, complaint, in and as a belief that I am less than another, as this is existing within a value secondary to realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, equal and one to what is here, to no longer allowing and accepting myself to physically constrict as thought I am a blow torch sucking in being here, into and as an energetic motion, as an emotion/feeling through a thought of myself believing that I will lose something, when what is lost is a relationship in separation from being the living word as being equal and one to all that is here as life.
I commit myself to realizing the structures in and as what I am allowing myself to exist as, in looking at the very thought, emotion and feeling I am allowing that indicates the values I determine and thus become to ensure my own survival, not asking the question as to why I am spending all of myself surviving, why I am acting in the interest of survival and not expressing myself as life, which is to say , why am I worrying, complaining, fretting, and thus fearing and thus hiding and blaming and judging and and and instead of living as an expression of life here.
I commit myself to inwardly realizing that I exist as fear and that it is this fear that creates a feeling of worth and/or unworth as I attempt to survive within a system that uses this fear, as all humans are fear, as the few who have control of that which controls as a starting point of belief in loss that is from an initial separation from equality and oneness as what is absolute as the substance of life, where each must realize the separations individually accepted and forgive this beingness and within this stand collectively and create/organize/clean up the same outward structure that is a profit determined through money- as separation, no longer aligned with the absolute value in all that is here on this earth as being the substance that is equal and one in all that is here.
I commit myself through breath to realize how I have relied on relationships as support of myself , not seeing realizing and understanding that yes within this system that is a separation, relationships are what sustains me, yet this is an ignorance of what is actually sustaining, and this has gone on for so long I realize nothing else, and no longer see physical reality which must stop, as I must stand, breath, self forgive myself and correct my starting point back to and into what is absolute within all that is here, as this is the value, which is life, which does not deny actually physical “relations/communications” with what is within my world, it simply means that what is here is life, and that this is the value.
I commit myself to breathing, to bringing myself here, every time I fear losing a “made huge as value” relationship to realize the value is life, to realize the only answer is in recognition of what is absolute, one and equal in all that exists on this earth, which is the very substance of life here and to see, realize and understand that emotions , thoughts and feelings are a time warp from being here.
I commit myself to realize that when I become the character of fear of non compliance into and as fearing loss and/or punishment I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself this separation through breathing, bringing myself here within and as the principle of oneness and equality, and I do not allow the thoughts as judgements as learned deliniated values of a more all code that is a relationship built as what i support myself with in recognition of the human only and a system of money determining life that is/has been built/allowed/supported as money, to be all that I see, forgiving myself as these learned thoughts back to myself, and within this taking the ensuing emotions and feelings as the polarities of my thoughts back to be directed within what is best for all in support of what is absolute, as the value of life, no longer becoming the action of loss of myself as life, as I become the action of fear of loss within allowing emotions , thoughts and feelings to he what i am here, as what i have been taught that is a belief in a relationship as the definition of myself.

I commit myself to asking myself why I cannot read beyond a set of consequences existent within this world, why I become uneasy within going beyond learned structures of sequences, to realize that what I voice is often a limited set of patterns and that this is knowledge and information, and not what enables me to see what is actually physically here, or even really understand what is actually physically here as life.
I commit myself to no longer allow the personification of worth or un-worth as this is a separation from being directed as what is best for all, but an emotional storm of a belief in more than and less than which in essence is what a personification is, manifest as outplays as characters in fear of loss as guilt and shame, and gain and praise all in an awareness that self has separated self from self as life, that self is no longer in common sense of what is absolute, one and equal , in all existent on earth, which is that the value is life.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that life is not in expression here on earth, that what exists is death and destruction, that for life to begin all must stand as self as life, in common sense, that this system of money determining life- and this no longer supporting life, must stop and be realigned to support the value that is what life is, and that within this each and every thing of this earth will become an expression of life and know thyself as life, here, the potential for which cannot be realized until all that is here is equal and one, within self as realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to realizing that the consequences of my allowed separation manifest physically in my human physical body, as I am not taking care with my human physical body in utilizing it as an instrument of life, as I am using this human physical body as a battery to support energetic reactions as emotions, thoughts and feelings, that are the polarities of my accepted separation into believing a secondary relationship has more value than that which is the sustenance of myself as the value, which is the substance of life equal and one in all existent on earth.

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165 Becoming obsessive within reaching a goal

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I must get something done, now, as in feeling that I have not done enough unless I have reached a specific goal within a organized period of time.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I believe that I must complete something within a set period of time, I end up skimming the surface and within this creating ideas and beliefs as a guide within the end product of goal desired and miss what is actually here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in having a goal, I end up following an idea, and lose common sense of what can be done here, as I become obsessed with the goal and believe that I must do more in relation to the singular goal i have set for myself, as I rush wanting this goal to be done before I take on another activity, not seeing realizing and understanding that I can let go what is not necessary to be done in reality in relation to one thing, and remain focused here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become obsessed with one goal, I limited my ability to be here, lose objectivity in relation to understanding that some things I walk through cannot be immediately “finished “ or completed in one day.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that a goal must be completed immediately, where losing myself within this want and desire I am losing sight of the very rhythm of what is necessary to complete some goals, that take time over a few days or weeks, and within this I obsess over the goal and fall into gloom and doom, imagined, possibilities in constantly thinking about the goal, as I hold a belief that I must think about the goal until it is completed, or I might “miss” something, when in fact it is this obsession that causes a loss of common sense, as I become separate in my obsession, and thus anxious.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to imagine a goal not being completed, as part of my obsessing over the goal in fear i have missed something, where I become the fear i have missed something instead of looking at what is here, walking the steps , where as I walk I discover what needs to be done and thus the answer come with the walking and my obsessing is simply obsessing, and thus an act of separation from what is actually here, and within this I end up getting less done because I end up spending so much time enacting possible scenarios out in and as my mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have internal dialogues where I have a thought that “ this might happen”, or “oh no, I didn’t think about this”, of “what if this happens”, and none of these things are actually here, which is to not deny planning, but to look practically in common sense and to not bring in fears from the past, and to realize that theprocess of reaching the goal can change as the outcome is walked towards within the steps necessary to compete the goal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to mull over the choices I have made in relation to the goal and to place all manner of fears as judgements of more than and less than in relation to ideas of what might be lost or gained, placating fears based on what i have been taught is more than and less that within the culture in which I live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the back chat as the mind as a collection of moral codes as analysis of what the decisions I make are as a value measured as what i have been taught that has no awareness of what is actually real as this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that within this I become anxious and end up pacing around waiting for the goal to be completed, not realizing that this restlessness of myself is in separation from what is here, as I am anxious to hurry up and complete what I started, not seeing what I am doing in common sense, where worry and thinking about a decision already made is not going to add any special power of drive to the completion of the goal, and will only turn myself, as a behavior, into a restless personality of anticipation in relation to the completion of the goal, on which within this character I become obsessive and compulsive.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I place pressure on myself, just as clouds place pressure in the falling tides through barometric pressure, causing the tides to not move as fluidly, and am I the same as my clouds of obsession cause a pressure within in and as my desire to complete a goal immediately, and I end up causing myself to stagnate and no longer move fully aware of myself in and as breath, as I am off in and as my mind , in worry, and fret and questioning about every decision I have made in relation to a desired outcome.

I commit myself to slowing myself down and letting go of the decision I have made in relation to the step right in front of me as me, and to let this step complete itself before thinking about the step in a future that is not what is here within this breath in this moment.
I commit myself to slowing down and breathing, to stop myself from skimming the surface of what is actually here, as I am possessed and obsessed with completing a goal.
I commit myself to realizing that within obsessing I am separating from myself into and as judgements and allowing fears to imagine myself into a possible scenario that has nothing to do with what is actually here, where breath allows more insight into what is here than any dialogue in and as fear as my mind.
I commit myself to no longer judging the outcomes of a goal not immediately completed, as the mind as myself tends to judge the process within failure, and weigh possible success way before the goal can possibly be completed, causing a lot of unnecessary worry, stress and fear to become what I believe in and as allowing the mind to be all that I am here, in separation from looking at the totality of what is necessary to complete some tasks.

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