Learning to read myself and the world around me. Day 755

I notice I spend some time every day watching the news feed on the internet. Why do I do this? What am I looking for or, rather, which is more telling, what am I looking at, as a form, as a movement? What are the patterns? 

I think of a sports game, where the team cannot get out of a pattern, cannot see beyond the boundaries of their own understanding, using their sensibility to see their own constructs as a pattern, a math, and moving into a relationship of what they are as understanding of movement and form, and opening this up to take in the patterns of the opposing team, and the form of the sport overall - the rules governing that sport- and deconstructing it to reconstruct in one moment, quantumly, to change up their movement. And that as a team, everyone being in synch. 

Or a musician, who has played and  moved with so many patterns, being given a new pattern that can easily be rendered in sound, with and as that sense of the parts and the whole, being able to move the smallest parts around into a yet unrecognized form. This is a changeability that when one learns the parts, the smallest of things, one can order with that. This also needs practice with forming things with the parts, which could be called opportunity.

I look at how we teach our children, using memory. I realize that if we remain within a certain tempo, a very slow one, we resonantly become that. And it is ‘ thing’ that we become within us. I mean why do songs remain in our heads on one level? It just shows how we are like a battery that can hold forms. Memory learning is a slowing down process, not a bad, in itself, yet when held as the ONLY thing we do, to learn, creates a state of being that can get lost in itself, just as a song can get stuck within us. Memory learning is the means of creating cognitive dissonance, because it is a rhythm creating state of being, that in itself can cause a separation from what is actually more natural, as always sensing the parts and the whole of the world around us. 

We then are out of synch, and what we are within, does not fit into reality. We build protection mechanisms, to counter this, and make attempts at building a form to fit into society, yet over all, this effort in itself is a red flag, because it is not the action of always relating to the practical , the physical.  It makes it obvious that what is real is hidden in plain sight. The way out is the way in, to look at what was constructed as a resonance, and to de-compose it, with understanding, and rebuild. It is this process of seeing patterns, seeing the parts and the whole, and recognizing one’s own patterns of what is basically a separation, and practicing aligning this with reality, as the living world around us. I mean, imagine hiring summer help in your restaurant who had been formed in such a way? Would they need as much training, would there be as many problems, would the summer help be more aware because they had practiced being aware of the world around them, instead of stuck in memorized information, and the coping mechanisms of a disconnect from being in synch with the most basic practical things needed to work in a restaurant?  I say this, because I have had owners of salons tell me that finding a good receptionist is more difficult, as though what they see is the younger generation not having the most basic practical ability with inter-personal skills. 

 Myself, having learned an instrument, and having taught children, know what a clear structure can do for a child. As the structure is integrated - which can be done as taking the smallest parts and practicing them, through narrowing the focus, building the presence into the space- when integrated, allows the child to ‘ take off ’ meaning the child begins to realize the moving parts, and use a natural skill to peruse the moving parts and the whole, and read with greater agility, and awareness and insight, and they begin to create the sound, with ease. The outcome of greater self confidence and self esteem begins to come forth. It is like a clearer rendition of the sound begins to happen, a whole world begins to open up. Even parents can see this. I sometimes wondered if this scared parents. Meaning, the more structured and clear sound, which they can notice and speak of, at the same time scares them, as they see their child master something, which is a joy, and yet don’t want the child to go in that direction, because it is not a means to make a good living. Thus the good, becomes a bad, and that value judgement is greater than seeing the means to the end. And, it is interesting, because in the educational research, it is known that people who play musical instruments, make better managers, Why, because they have more practice in realizing the parts and the whole, seeing the overall patterns, as music is so self generative.

One of the things I ask myself every once in a while, is ‘ can I slow down and hear the grass grow.”  Meaning, am I in separation from being present in this reality, this living reality around me, am I aware of what is the same as me, as the plants that provide nutrients and the air I breath, am I aware of what is here, in respect of it, in tune - quite literally- with this? Am I doing that of which I speak? Am I assessing the forms around me, the expressions that are the relationships working in symbiotic ways to remember the synchronicity of life that is me that is the physical? Or, am I wallowing in emotions and feelings, ideas, and belief and opinions that can cause a flight and fight response if questioned? This, in itself a red flag, telling me I need to deconstruct and reconstruct, which brings an opportunity to self realize and balance out myself. 

Do I have the presence and within as that the skill to re-organize myself , in a moment, to realize my own patterns and the patterns around me, to read the space and move in ways that are what is best, as I have the choice yet must face the consequences of my actions, thus in a way, the choice is to do what is best for all? Or, how present am I really? Do I need to slow down, and assess the patterns of my behavior, to see where I am out of synch and then to correct this? I mean is that not what sports teams or musicians do when they assess a read their own formations, and change them up in a moment? Do we not all enjoy a game when this happens, and it appears to be a magic, a magic that is really only a doing, which is the magic? 

In relation to this, I can see where memory learning when only what is used is a huge means of manipulation.  And I can see, how the news feed is/are moving structures to create a veil that protects monopolies that are in them selves a bullying force of self interest,  that have no regard for the life that is this planet, and are filled with all manner of words on a page as legal documentation, that manage a state of not being in synch with this life, a real valley of good and bad, right and wrong, instead of being in tune, being in synch with this living reality.

I noticed that a politician, who had been in the American congress, posting an article yesterday that said the Obama care, or Trump care, as health insurance, were both the problem, that health insurance is a scam in itself. This is interesting too, because there are doctors standing up, after practicing the ‘ health industry’ for years, saying things such as there being methods of vitamin C therapies that can cure, or place the body back into a state of proper function.  These voices are not heard on the bought-and-paid for platforms so many are calling the fake news. One story really had me look at myself. It was a video documentary on the twin towers falling in New York. I remember when it happened that I asked the question as to where all the rubble went. Meaning, I remember that little voice within me, questioning why there was not the amount of rubble such massive buildings would create, on the ground. I mean where were the parts of the supposed plane that ostensively flew into the buildings? I did not follow up on that thought, as all the stories of information rushing around were a distraction that I followed instead of listening to myself. 

When I watched this documentary, that one little question returned.  I did not follow my own questioning. Most likely, I would not have found answers unless I came upon some buried news feed, silent yet running in the background just as my inner question was more silent and running in the background.  

Basically, to explain this in context, the documentary described a form of incendiary action that turned the physical things of the towers into dust, which spread and settled all over, even turning parts of cars on more distant blocks into partial incendiary actions. I ask myself who would have such know how and ability but those who have managed to accumulate excessive wealth, which are only a few in this world today. The distraction onto national or religious groups, is overall, a distraction in itself. This in itself is investigating what form we have on this earth, that we as a collective are allowing. Each has the capacity to do this, and I am sure that others have had those little questions happen - what is left of one’s common sense within. It is there, and it needs to become larger than the sounds of cognitive dissonance called value judgements as beliefs, opinions and ideas that react when a counter belief disrupts the resonance as ideas one has defined one’s self as. That anxiety of ‘ flight and fight’ has to be checked each time it comes up, because we are not in a physical jungle, we are in a jungle of information. This is something more meta-physical and it cannot touch you or define you unless you accept and allow it to. You are the musician, you are the sport player, you, by design, have the ability to see the parts and the whole, see the patterns of how what is here moves, and realize choices that are what is best for all. 

What we are, is right in front of us. What have we accumulated ? Day 754

I remember this concert I did in college. I played this very modern piece, that had no conventional melody as we are accustomed to. IT had multiple time signatures, so one had to change one sense of space in the beat almost every other measure. It really demanded being stable and changing up the space.

After playing this piece many times, in rehearsals and in performances, I had a moment where I realized the piece was not anything I had ever played. I saw it as more of a construction of forms in space. Meaning, it was more like walking around in a shape. One time while performing it, I felt that I as walking in someone’s kitchen. To me, it was like the composer was trying to compose a memory from his past. 

I had forgotten about this, until I, this week saw a video of a holograph of the parts of the physical human body, where one could take the computer generated imagery and either have the whole from the outer visuals, peel them away, or click them away, to see the layers of the systems that compose the human physical body. I thought that it would be cool if we could do that with trees and forests and oh! so may things.

I also have been looking at stories. My mother had said she can’t read history without it being in the context of a story. I asked myself why this is, why for some it is difficult to read the story line of history directly, and that need a context of a story to absorb history. Perhaps, it is that they need the events of history placed in a context more on the ground, more in the scenario of daily life, to make it more real? Makes sense in a way.

Also, I was looking at writing out time lines of the composition of what I have allowed and accepted within and as me, as thoughts of ideas, opinions, beliefs, shadowing wants, desires and needs, a story of information that becomes a resonance as it accumulated and leads to emotional/feeling bodies composing a personality, that directs me, influences my actions, as the information in the machine that is me. I am looking at this, my composition, and the ability of technology to show the real physical storied/layered form, and how humans needs compositions of stories in a more grounded context. And, what happened with the piece of music I played years ago, ( there are some others too) that was so different from what I had culturally been exposed to. Somehow, all of this creates a picture of how we work, of what we have allowed, and of the potential inherent in all of these parts. After all, in the arts, one of the things one achieves, is to see the sum of the parts all moving together. This means that one is processing all those parts, with ease, because one had intimacy with them.  It is somewhat like what is necessary in playing a musical instrument, where one must check within one’s self the body, and the music, the smallest being checked and the whole, even out to the audience. THIs is, as I see it, a more correct use of the imagination, the ability to ‘ move through the eye of the needle’ and see the forms around one, the living physical compositions around one. 

What we humans have done, is gotten stuck in a resonant emotional feeling body, that defines us, as we cannot see what we don’t know, what we have not consciously allowed ourselves to sense, to feel, to realize. What we have not allowed ourselves to practice. I mean, there i a school in India where children learn to use a sense, of sensing with presence, ( as what I call this here) objects in front of them blind folded! All these things that are here, showing us to ourselves, our capacity is so right in front of us. 

In this state we are in conflict , meaning it is so unequal to here, that we are, in a way, from my perspective at the moment, so resistant, to ‘ in holding’ of our construction,  to what is here, to the real storied information that is the physical that is the instrument, that is the means of expression as life. I mean, imagine being able to be in synch with the forms around us, as what I experienced on probably a lesser level, with the music,  imagine being able to sense the sound formations of the trees and all that is in the forest, to know this so well, that one can pan in and pan out and also sense the whole and the parts in a quantum way? Imagine walking in the music of life, that is the physical here? Imagine, instead of being in fear, in tension, in anxiety, in resistance - because it is work to resist this!-  being in synch, as ease, with the forms around us, and using one’s senses to become intimate with the math as the forms as the stories of inform, as the physical here, as the forests and all that composes this living reality, the real story? I mean, on another level, why are we fed so many pre hyper-sexualised failure tales from day one, that are read, again and again, and again and again, made into movies, with songs to memorize etc. etc.? Why are we not taught to be in sense and awareness of what is the living fabric of reality all around us? Why do we not become the ‘ father rejoicing in the son, and the son rejoicing in the father” Why do the words exist, as ‘ though I walk in the valley of the shadow of good and evil, I see no evil’ ? What does that mean in relation to what  I am saying?  Is it not the image and likeness of how a separation from life would be, as this also pictures the lack of presence and processing of what is right under our feet? LOOK! 

I mean, why are our children placed in  box, where words are so slowed down, moving in such a stagnant manner, where we practice using those words, those notes those sounds to memorize a picture, a form, and abstract, that is so removed from the physical world around us, and done as memory, which is in meter and tempo and time, incredibly slow! Remember, we become what we practice, and thus, if our rhythm is of a certain tempo, and we repeat that again and again, we become that tempo. Like a hamster on a wheel we acclimate to that tempo, and then we get stuck in the resonance we generate as it, and become just like a train running on a track no longer able to see what is real right outside the window. Would this fit into the idea proposed so long ago, of walking in a valley of the shadow of good and evil, a resonant construction  caught in its own web? I would say, yes, this is what we humans have been doing for a very long time. It is time to deconstruct this, and accept ourselves as life, and stand here, to accumulate a presence in reality, in this physical symphony called life, to understand it so well, that we see the parts and the whole, and can move into the layers, and UNDERSTAND it, and then work with it, be in synch with it, and sing life! 

The means are all around us, we can use technology to do this, to help us. Nothing is all bad or good. We can transform this world into real living, into the life it was meant to be, as we are the most perfect of forms to do this.  We must step outside of a limited resonance, and begin to process here, to be able to process our words, our sound formations, our notes with greater mastery, and use who and what we are to sense what is here, all around us, until we are all, as no one can be left behind, in balance, in the real song, seeing the real story, of and as the physical.  We can, realize the sum and the parts of our resonant mis-take on reality, and correct this to then step by step, as this is how things work, to see, realize and understand the sound of life in expression in form, all around us, and we can use technology to help us to accumulate actions/movements towards this. It is time to get our processing speeds moving, deconstructing what we have allowed, and rebuilding through, and this can happen at the same time ( I wonder) refocus onto the parts and the whole, and develop an ability to sense the sums and the parts until we are in equality and oneness with what is here, as the living form all around us.  We are, in essence, life. 

Day 657 Where am I constant?

I notice there are times when I do not react to another’s behavior. I noticed I become very patient  It is like water rolling off of me. More often, I either do not respond, or in the same calm way that I am within not reacting, I speak up and reform what is said, in the third person. It is as though I am not placing any blame on the person, it is more that I look at the information and reform it, or take it into something that is no longer inflammatory, or inflated into a polarity as some aspect being made a huge value.

So, I ask myself why I am not this way all the time? What triggers do I maintain that I then fear happening?

Reacting to information in a judgmental way, a self protective criticism is used like a shield, usually to point out a mis-take as an enlarged value that is stupid/stooped in its limited perspective.  And this is because I have done the same, or am wanting to hide how I did the opposite, and want the attention turned towards the other.

Meanwhile, I am aware that the mind consciousness of self interest, will scream it’s own limitation, thus what I am doing when I react, is screaming my own limitations, wanting to hide through projection of a wrong onto someone else. It is like a rise in energy, within, only to be followed by embarrassment, hoping no one realizes. Everyone usually does realize, they silently just want it to pass, not having to sort this all out. And I have done the same. Sorting this all out seems impossible, when it simply means realizing the game of self interest, a self within believing that some value defines self and the existence of a potential for that to be lost. 

Those times in contrast, when I listen, without judgement, and review the information presented, take the information as a form, something that is mutable, meaning, not something fixed and eternal, is done with more ease, calm, serenity and stability.

Naturally, within such a state of being, I am more fluid, more creative, more able to see from more than one perspective. I am more able to be self honest. I am not within an energy of needing to lie, thus the experience has no sense of being a burden.

One is more self directive and the other is more reactive. One has more of a sense of rushing, of forcing an opinion outward, and the other is more able to stop, slow down, hold onto a perspective, and maintain it within changing as one moves through a review of it. One has more a sense of constancy.

Thus, when I face a reactive environment, either self generated or happening around me, I have to slow way down and stop, until I have that sense of seeing the information in a non-reactive way, indicative in an ability to retain the information and either speak up about it, or if someone else should speak up, let it go. In this, the reforming of information, or adding perspective, is about the information and not the object from which the information comes, and this in relation to the information that comes from other men via descriptive language.

Those times when the information coming towards me, or a storm rising within me, appears to be too much, means that I have some investigative action to take. even when this information comes in the form of hope, as a positive energy, all dreamy like, like a potential is going to happen, when this is an expectation dream based on countering past mis-takes reordered to stand once again. 

Usually, this is accompanied by a tiredness of sorting this all out.

Interesting here, that I have this image of myself as a child, with all this information coming at me, like a huge weight and I am supposed to sort this out. And it appears really huge and indecipherable.  I remember also, before I started to walk the process of deconstructing the mind consciousness I accepted and allowed, was being so sick of this heavy thing within me, that one day I just went into it, just wanted it to go away, so I went into it, instead of trying to hide from it. I mean, I would wake up in the morning feeling like I could not move, knowing this was an illusion, and wanting to know what this was overall. Sometimes I would lie there sensing the weight of it, because it had this huge weight. What was this thing?

Now, there are times when I realize that this weight is an information that is what I have created, because it is what I access to direct me, as it is the information that is me, as what I have accepted and allowed.

Hence, this is the same on all of us, in those around me. So, within this understanding there are times when I am calm and do not react to this in others. So, there are moments when I address this as information, where somewhere I myself am aware of this. I am aware that the behaviors of others, is information that is then directing the person. I do not react, and even have a sense that this is a storm, something that will pass, and that listening to the words, will reveal the form, and that this can be reformed. And I do not feel threatened in such situations.

What I am doing when I react is battling for one personification of values to be more than another, instead of realizing that everything as information is a personification of values, and accept it as that, and learn from it, enjoy it. Yet, I either allow myself to be conditioned by a limited set of personified values, to survive, or I remind myself here as a man, with a set of values that is me, that is what I am here, as this including the physical world. And, to realize that what hued-men/humans have done is become a bubble of a storm of energetic personified values, like a walking picture show of values, usurious to the very life of the physical man walking under the weight of this “ heavenly’ personification. If this is how one has programmed oneself, because we do program ourselves otherwise how would anyone master the violin- for instance, then, I would wake up in the morning with this huge weight above me, that scared me and that at times was of an information that could not direct me - obvious in my resistance to other information around me! My behavior would be to react in protection and self defense when not fitting into this world or the same limited value personified behaviors in others because it is not equal to reality, as the value of life as the physical real information that is the real me.

Thus, when I find myself not being calm, and serene, and in a quiet assessment of information, I have to stop, to breath, and assess my own accepted and allowed information, even when feeling overwhelmed by a weighted form around me, until I have slowed enough to address it and move in a way that is stable, that can stand. A within what carries no weight, as what can remain eternal is always there as those times when I became a natural ability to assess. That “weight”, is but very thin, meaning of no real weight, it is only my resistance to it, that has it appear to be a weight. And also, those times when such information rolled off me like water, yet was readable, able to be reformed as though it was me, yet understood this was only for a moment.