Day 197 Friction/conflict is only limited choice

I become angry within interacting with society, where what is most frustrating is not being able to talk, or believing myself to not be heard, which sometimes turns out to not be true as people have come and said what I have said makes sense. Sometimes i am impatient and want an immediate response. I am an American and am conditioned to want to be served NOW and to want convenience. I forget that a huge tree does not grow over night, or in an instant. So, when I become frustrated within a memory, as I feel I have lost because I did not get immediate results, I must stop and breath and investigate what it means to produce something with long lasting effects, with the strength to be consistent as a directive principle, where I do not allow myself to become emotional and, as this, judgmental, allowing myself to go into a polarity of a belief in choices, where I then believe I could have done something differently, which is self judgement and self blame. Within this, all there is to do is investigate what was done and to realize what is here as what has been accepted and allowed and that allowing myself to become overwhelmed with ideas and memories, as self judgements, is not a solution. Here, it is to become equal and one with the judgements and realize they are the separations and the fears, and as blame, within or without, this blame must become one and equal and walked back into equality and oneness as what is best for all, because it really is fear, as it is the belief of a choice to deny- also, the pushing of a limited selection of insight, thus the cause of a conflict and friction within and as myself. The moment I allow myself to become overwhelmed by this, I stop and I breath, and I realize all I can do is investigate within understanding what is here, and equalizing myself with what is here and becoming absolutely directive within what is best for all. This will take time. Terra-forming myself one and equal to this physical world, so that fear is no longer what directs, as the physical is understood and one and equal to myself here.
We see this same action happening within the world, where the precautionary principle is circumnagivated through not allowing studies that tell another side and the use of the words “no significant difference,” meaning that there is a difference, within industry and products. It is like what is said, in known ignorance, “I don’t know of this,” or “ We have no documentation of this”. The paper world is a place to hide, through placing limited information onto the paper and presenting only this. Because something is not on that piece of paper within that administration, then it does not exist, even in the face of physical evidence, which ends up being labeled as “anecdotal” which does not make any sense because research data is a collection of anecdotes! Anecdotes are physical evidence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become overwhelmed with choice, where I go from one polarity to another believing that there is a choice, which is myself not wanting to walk through the superficial face values presented, where should I investigate such face values further I meet with having to stand up and point out what is not being looked at, which is only really a shock to that face value and nothing else.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have a choice, where I reject what is here and create friction within and as myself in avoiding what is here instead of accepting and investigating what is here as one and equal to myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the simplicity of facing what is here needs only common sense of what is here and any reactions are simply a choice as not wanting to face what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the facade of the bully is simply a fear that needs to be walked through, one and equal to myself here.
When and as I feel myself becoming overwhelmed I see, realize and understand that this is myself believing there is a choice, where any acceptance of this and response as this is myself not being honest with myself and instead looking for what will be the solution within relationships as to what is right and wrong in terms of survival within this present system as the being of having a choice means that I am in my mind and not here.

I commit myself to breathing, to slow myself down when I face friction and conflict within knowledge and information, where I, as what has been taught, see only the choices presented, instead of always checking/investigating and realizing that uncertainty is myself unaware of the whole, of what is best for all, and thus no decision can be made within the conflict as it is myself lost within a choice, as the only choice is what is best for all, and as I have no practice within and as this, I must stop and breath and bring myself back to what is physically here.
I commit myself to breathing, to realize that within breath, the uncertainty, as the conflict as the belief in choice, is what must be deconstructed and investigated, then corrected within the principle, as an absolute directive, of what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that I am life, and within this, the memories of the mind as the morality within relationships that serve the interest of survival within a system of inequality, present limited choices only within programmed personalities lacking a developed ( denied) common sense, and thus it is this limitation that is the prison and the cause of friction where the physical senses a lack of common sense as equality with this physical world.
I commit myself to no longer answer as the protection and defense of a personality as a program as what I have been taught, even when threatened with the personification of reaction as “ that is not polite” as what has been said to me within and without, to see, realize and understand that this is myself wanting the comfort of a energetic feeling, this feeling an answer as the mind, and not an answer in common sense of this physical world.
I commit myself to realize that the only peace/piece there is that is real, is oneness and equality with this physical world, where what is directly here as this physical world is what can be walked with and as, as this is what is real, here.

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Day131 There is no ascension, there is simply HERE

Day 131

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that there is something out there that is going to come and take care of me, like a god, or a higher force, or some ascension is going to take place where I will sit next to some higher being and become aware of the universe.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some authority over myself that I must follow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have seen , realized and understood that one day when I was desperately trying to figure out what the fuck was happening to my husband, as I stood in the hall way of my apartment, that I suddenly realized that we/I created this world, that I /we were the creators of this world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that though I had a moment of seeing that we/you/I are the creators of this world, I did not have an understanding of what I was in totality and thus did not know the details of how I was constructed as an organic robot and how this would take over, as it did from that moment of insight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this must have triggered something, because even as I became very angry after the death of my husband, as I became a single mom, where a superintendent blocked a job offer because he turned to the principle and said, you cannot hire this woman because she is a single mom, that I had no idea how judgmental society was based on face value, where a person is not looked at, and thus how this can cause people within our world who have no chance of education to become criminals, as they really have no other choice, and within this, given that prisons are now profit based with such companies actually listing profits for share holders, this present system of capitalism needs prisoners to pay the pensions of others, thus it is profitable to have criminals to put in prison, thus it is profitable to actually withhold education and development for humans, which is so criminal, that anyone who does not see that the only choice is to create a system of equality is in fact evil, as the representation of money to distribute freely given resources of this earth, in and as the equal money system gift what is the value, life, as denial of this is to allow abusive practices to continue that obviously do not support the expression of life, as this is the value, as this is what we all are, equal and one.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that sibling rivalry is based on fear of being considered less than, fear of not getting attention and accolade from parents, as children are enmeshed in a very small hierarchy within a system of inequality, where parents are themselves only considering money to survive and later, as they grow older start to look to god, within some kind of repentance, one addiction for another, even mapped out as what happens often with elderly people, and to return to where i started- that as a small child, what is presented is a hierarchy of attending to what supports this system, to attending to being seen as good in the eyes of parents with cultural values of more than and less than that are in and as themselves in separation from what is the value, as the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the only ascension is to create equality on this earth, to realize that life is the value.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized that in common sense, being taught to seek praise from a parent is in itself not a being learning to self direct, in and as awareness of what is here, where if this were the case, then sibling rivalry would not exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if the value were life, then there would be no judgements, as objectification into and as an idea such as single woman/mom, with negative and or positive connotations, which are polarities, would not exist and what would be seen is a being, an expression of life, and this is common sense, and we have been told this, in and as the words of Christ, as understanding what is a living word, as the word is as precious as any and all forms of life here, where the value is life, and as such must be supported equally, as what is real and equal in all is that we are all life.

I commit myself to no longer  exist in judging those who judge, and to simply walk in common sense, realizing the living word as being what is that which is best for all.

I commit myself to not answering to any emotional storm until I have brought myself back to breath, to becoming one and equal to breath, to taking in the morality story of separation from what is best for all and directing the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings, to realize that such exists as separation from what is best for all, as self interest within a consumerist, capitalistic system composed of a centralized authority that now allows prisons to become profitable entities is in fact the same without as the human is within, as what is feared is self as life, as self abdicates self in self interested salvation without considering all life, as what is here, being equal and one to self, where life is the value.

I commit myself to realizing, in common sense , that anything within this system that is not supporting the development of life, where prisons indicate that life is not being supported, mean that the system must change, where any one saying, this is the best we have, or this is the way it is, are in fact criminal statements within ignorance  as fear of standing up as life, as self, thus these are statements of cowards who have justified their cowardice with statements of futility in and as fear, where it is the self that is not walking through the fear, as each and every one must walk through fear, to see, realize and understand that fear is the separation and as the non looking of self as life at what is real, here, life. It is that simple.

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