Interference Theory Day 758

“Interference theory is theory regarding human memory. Interference occurs in learning when there is an interaction between the new material and transfer effects of past learned behavior, memories or thoughts that have a negative influence in comprehending the new material. Bringing to mind old knowledge has the effect of impairing both the speed of learning and memory performance.”  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interference_theory

This is a quote I found that I realize describes a mind consciousness system. It describes that we can hold a resonant story of information. It describes that we can carry past movements, or pictures within and as us, that can then become an interference with being focused and present in the practical. It does slow down learning, as learning. Children in their first seven years learn more rabidly. This begins to slow down by the third grade.  IN all of this, what is described by destine is mapped out in our behaviors in and as other areas. we simply do not realize the depth of this and what this means overall. As a mind consciousness, as a individual ‘ heaven’ we lose sight of what is real, how we work and the consequences of not realizing how we work.

Yesterday I had a conversation with an older adult in my world. They recited some knowledge and information about various people in the world. Meaning, recited information about one race being more intelligent than another, by some measurable standards based on an ability to process information. After all, one can accumulate a somewhat correct structure within as knowledge and information about something and be creative within that, yet is the consequences of that formation harm anything in the physical world then it is not complete, yet within separation as social circles, absent of consequences, they will not see the consequences of their actions, that many appear to be solutions. Sometimes solutions are cool as a segue, yet such options must be available for all, as a benefit, if they are only for a few, at the expense of others, then it is a good that is not being given to everyone. This is unacceptable.

Within this, this idea that one race is more than another, what is forgotten is that that group that may have a greater ability to assess more information and appear to be more productive, what is not brought forward and recognized is how such a division has happened. I went to this talk a man gave about having been interested in a really old excavation in Turkey. The foundational remnants of the buildings were of an old race of people who evidently, according to the documentation found, had a non war-like society. They had a more equitable society. This man was looking for examples of this in the world, in his search for such a way of living.  I ask myself, within what is understood in education, that opportunity breeds capacity, that if a race allows this in the people. within a more equitable society, would that race over time, be in general a more capable people? Just as there is  a war on for the mind, done with information flow, creating a resonant memory as a interference of real presence and focus on reality, would there be a competition to eliminate whole races if another race wanted to dominate the world, that being an understanding that the human form, the physical form, just as animals can also learn when given opportunity, can accumulate as a collective an ability to remain in what is natural and live in greater equality to reality and therefor be more productive, allowing all opportunity for the general good understanding the whole is as good as the parts? And, that the more developed this is the greater the capacity of the group, this group of men, that have allowed this become a threat to other groups that have as a collective allowed the collective belief system as a collective ego want to destroy that more equitable structured people, because that is a threat to their personal storied belief system?  And yet, this means that each and all men can form a ore perfect union even within our differences, because differing environments create different actions as the world is at present in climate. It is amazing how the media can create a busy-ness within a narrow focus between two things that cannot be divided as they are quantumly both needed in development. Remember, one cannot learn to play the violin by mastering the parts individually in isolation, it is a progressive building in awareness of all the parts working together that fine tunes each individual part. 

In understanding this , to suggest that one is more than another as a fixed idea is the same as one does individually within comparison of another person. The collective in-structions of a group, simply reveal the math of their ideas, and how when that does not fit into reality via actions that are causing harm, means that what has been allowed to inform them , as direct them, is an interference with what and who they are as human beings. Within this, we can begin to realize that the media is not imparting information that is best for all, that lends an opportunity for each to self realize in ways, and by extension develop clear resonances that inform the next generation towards being effective in their movements and actions that have respect for the practical and physical world. The war on information, is in itself, an expression of separation from practical reality. It is a storm in a televised ‘ tea cup’ that is in itself a distraction as an interference from reality, from the life around us. 

We need only look at the increase in cognitive dissonance in our children, given names under a general heading as “ attention deficit dis-orders.” Cognitive dissonance is a state of being in a lie, it means one is lying, it is confusion, it is the acceptance of limited story, causing a non-fit into the practical. It is a transfer bias of a limited story as confusion is caused through a mis-information of what is real. This becomes a separation from reality, and interrupts learning and builds a me-more-y that is a false positive.  I mean, in reality, by comparison, we no longer have apprenticeships, where a person can go and live something. 

I understand that the Russians evidently projected the resonance of a frog onto some kind of fish eggs, or some other egg. The outcome was evidently that the eggs became frogs. Within this, I remember years ago reading about how a plant that is a relative of a native plant when planted in the area of a its relatives that are more indigenous, that plant will revert back to the native plant. I planted some Japanese lettuce that was very bitter, and that came back the next year without me having to plant seeds. This lettuce that tasted somewhat like dandelions, eventually became just like dandelions. Of course, someone could say the local dandelions took over, but I am not so sure, the leaves are somewhat different, as dandelions can have different leave shapes; some are more round and some have more spikes shaped leaves. The point being, that what resonates influences us, and that what is more of a balance, will eventually become what is in the environment. To not allow this, one must continually push contrary information. Thus, this is information that is counter to what is balanced and normal and able to be held consistently without causing a state of interference, visible in one’s ability, or lack of ability, to process information.  In effect, the existence of an interference within processing information with ease, as the reality and what is within one as a mind construct of mis-information as not the real story, is a transfer memory of information that both slows down learning/absorbing information and  memory performance. 

One need only look at taking tests in school, and all the anxiety within that, and the stress, to realize that one was caught in memorizing a construct of information that hindered processing and caused a memory of friction and personal conflict. It is all here, simple and practical, and hidden in plain sight. We, each are allowing this, and we must realize this, forgive ourselves, and bring our heavens of and as mis-information, to allow us to balance out equal and one to the real, living physical reality called life as this planet earth. 

Thank you for reading. 

Day 647 Personalities bouncing around as the pressures of life take their toll.

I was having a conversation about a family friend's daughter who had become the prodigal son- so to speak. This girl had rejected her family traditions and married someone outside of her culture. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can lead to division if time is not taken to understand and develop common sense with living, as in understanding the different cultural measures and working together.

When life gets more difficult, when the children begin to turn into teenagers, the differences , if not worked on, and/or if one longs for the comforts of their childhood, because, as I said the stress of life, then personalities, as the measure of our childhood, begin to emerge beyond what motivated a mixed culture relationship.

I married a European, as an America, I had to learn some of their ways. Some I accepted and some I choose the way I had learned to do things, it became mixed. Cultures that are more different, I would imagine would bring on a greater need for balance.

Within the conversation, this daughter of this family, was suddenly interacting with her parents again, after some time estranged from them. She, according to the story I heard, was moving into personality swings. 

The conversation was about how strange her behavior was, how erratic, yet, if we understand how we develop personalities and how they can become a mind consciousness of likes and dislikes, as preferences that define us, in separation from using common sense as physical beingness on a physical world, a time in one’s life in a time of difficulty, will begin to move into what is comfortable within oneself as a measure of living, and begin to resort to that measure, not seeing that this whole scenario, reveals how we work as personalities that are the measure of values we learned during childhood. A prodigal son is the story of rejection of these values, and a return to them when things get tough.

Ofcourse there are children who reject family values and do well in times of conflict. Any measure is possible. It is not a one-size situation. What is revealed here is that we become personalities that cannot get along with others which means our personalities are measures of values, of beliefs, that we hold as bigger than being practical living. Our likes and dislikes are ideas about things, and do not really have anything to do with accepting the physical world around us with understanding. As such we lose sight of the small measure of being in common sense of what we do in every move on a physical planet. We become walking value judgements instead of being the practice of respecting what life is, a physical form. I mean why separate physical reality from life in the first place?

Because of our personalities, we have a monetary system that does not support and value life. We have an education system that suppresses life by placing a multi sensory being into a box to abstract knowledge and information to associate from in assessing the physical world, when this is placing the cart before the horse! That does not work, and it can’t work and it is not working. If it only works for a few, then it does not work!

We have a medical system that is not about health, it is about maintaining dis-ease for profit. Our health systems are considered alternative, and our emotional states, which are our personalities, are regarded as what makes us special when that could not be farther from the truth. If a feral child can learn to smell like a wolf, what is special about us that we have the capacity to understand this physical world and emulate it with ease, developing great abilities that would make living on this earth really fun! I mean it would be really cool to be able to smell that rabbit from a distance instead of looking on an iPhone! It would be really cool to sense this space with all of me, rather than seeing a picture about something, as a picture has no depth, cannot be sensed through smell-for example, nothing to touch that reveals what is soft about something or what is textured.  This is why we believe that going and shooting a tiger defines us, without any real consideration of the tiger’s body being the means for a sensory life, and what a sudden interruption of that life feels like! None of us would want this for ourselves, not one. When our emotional lives are upset, we get very reactive and dislike this interruption, seeing it as a threat- even when this is not using the means of the physical body as what we are, and really sensing the world around us. Thus, even in our limitations that we believe are real, we dislike the pain of loss, and it is this loss of an idea, belief, opinion that is of energy that we have allowed to define us, that is what separates us from being equal and one to the physical, where we would respect the physical, as the tiger, and do no harm because this is the real nature of ourselves as life.

We become the good and the ' bad' as values we believe define us, which are our personalities. These are the measure of our experience, as what we take from our parents as they are our early environment.  We become a personification. In understanding this, we can understand personality dis-orders as being what is not equal to real practical living. When things don't work, we return to the values we learned as children, because they are the most imbedded and have a comfort value attached. Thus, we become what we practice, and if this is not respecting life, our person-hoods/self definitions cause conflict with reality, because they cannot work in practice if they are not equal to what it means to live a physical life, which is to live in respect of, and forgiveness towards the physical world/creation manifest. Our measure within must be equal to the measure without.

Day 559 Reacting to the statement " too much reality." Self forgiveness

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to another when they react to too much reality, and as such move into  limited value instead of seeing the conflicting beliefs that are often different sides of the same coin, in a world where such exists as the expression of men at present, each not seeing realizing and understanding how the separation as the conflicts, are simply based on beliefs that one aspect of reality is more than another having made the mind as belief, larger than the life, as the physical on which it depends.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that responding to emotions and feelings  within and as giving direction again and again is all that there is, which is to speak about how the physical world works, the accepted forms of the present system of hierarchy held in place through judgement within polarities of good and bad, right and wrong,  where the “ right” is often a justification for a judgement of a “ wrong,” that are of division into a slow measure where the divisions are connected through endless associations of mixed dimensions, a busy work that build constructs that are believed to give meaning, and are really an abdication of practical common sense, where the gift of life, as the nature of life, is to use common sense to be here, to work with and be equal to, the physical as this is the way and the means, the very expression of and as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to to ask the question as to why a heaven existence would be separate from this physical existence, in and as not realizing that a physical existence of suffering, cannot be life, as one cannot be life when one is suffering because when one is lying in a bed dying, one is lying in a bed dying, which is not one in action developing potential, seeing directly what is here, as one is too busy suffering, thus of course, earth is a containment, where those who did not stand equal and one to and as themselves as life, are collected, to live the consequence of their separation from and as what they are composed of and as, which is life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up in common sense, where I have used simple words, and used them again, and not taking the time to see, realize and understand that they must be said again and again and again, probably as many times as our present advertising world has touted misinformation until it was believed to be what is real, when it is not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that having to listen to the rant of the mind, which is a self in separation from practical reality, is tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take it personally when a simple directive is repeated and yet unheard, as the mind will, like an addiction to alcohol, seek that which validates it and as such will feel as though it is not getting its fix, and as such will react, thus, when and as I find myself wondering how long I am supposed to take the storm of separation in and as the mind, I stop and I breath, as this is becoming a want, in and as wanting something to end, where I stop listening and become that which I resist, and to see, realize and understand that there is a point where one walks away, as the rant of the mind, is unacceptable, thus it is to, once again, use common sense and realize when and as I go into hoping for a change.

When and as I find myself becoming frustrated I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down.

When and as I find myself beginning to search for another way of saying something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, then I remember myself to and as the principle of what is best for all, to see, realize and understand the best possible outcome and take that which is good, and does no harm, and stand as what can withstand the test of time, as what can remain the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

When and as I find myself searching for words, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I look at how I am accepting and allowing myself to become confused, as in searching for words, for example, that I believe within a morality are polite, are socially acceptable, and I see realize and understand that I am looking for a measure that will appear to be non-confrontational, and realize that this in itself is a separation into an idea, thus I stop, and I stand within how human beings have abdicated their own common sense of practical reality, that which is the way and the means of life, which can be investigated by each and every human, where one must, eventually make a decision within common sense of practical physical reality, to birth self into and as life, as this is the only choice, one that no one can make for another, and no amount of research done by another can answer this being of self in common sense here, as self must take this upon self to become equal and one to and as life here, and since there is so much disinformation and misinformation that has been accepted and allowed, there is no one to do this for any one of us, as each must stop, and do this as this is the only way to life, here, and yet, the practical reality, as the gift of life, is right here in front of us, showing the way and the means to life.

Day 507 The ghost in the machine is the ghost on the machine

What is a ghost as a thought but an abstract picture as an idea of our world, this physical concrete world. We can meditate but when we open our eyes, this form as this physical earth remains. 

As mind consciousness systems, we are a machine of ghosts as abstract thoughts that are about our experience here on this physical earth.  We as this, have allowed the abstract picture as mind to become more real than formation of substance into actual form as the physical world.  And as this, we have separated from the very fabric of physical manifestation.  And this world is very mechanistic, as this is how creation works. The magic is in the doing. 

THe mind can show us how much we have allowed ghosts in the machine to determine perception. Have you ever thought about something, been nervous about it, gone and lived the expected experience, and the nervousness BEFORE conceived did not come up in the actual concrete/physical experience? And then you wondered WHY you had any fear to begin with? The “ how” of this preconceived fear was the IDEA about the experience to come - and it was based on a thought that was an abstract interpretation of reality.

The converse of this, is to go into an expected event, feel prepared based on one’s abstract - collection of thoughts as ideas, and have the experience be totally “ other” than expected. As this event happens one becomes very nervous, because what is happening as “ doing” is other than the ghost in the machine as thoughts as ideas as accumulations of knowledge and information, expected. Here, where one may have walked to an event with confidence, suddenly things seem chaotic, putting one off balance. And here, the ghost in the machine as a construct of beliefs, as thoughts, as pieces of perspective,  as pictures of the “ how” of here are not equal to what actually happens. Which means one is not equal to here. Which means one is not equal in understanding how the mind in fact functions. Which means one is equal to the ghost in the machine, a limitation, instead of actual practical concrete, reality.

 So, in many instances, one goes back to the drawing board of one’s abstract and ventures forth again. This, a practice of building understanding of the physical world.  But the problem here, is the race to build an abstract of sense, which is not motivated by realizing that the only choice is to become equal to the physical , with every breath. 

Because our government is obviously NOT a form, at present, that is taking care of this world, it is a “ ghost ON the machine” of the physical that is not EQUAL to practical physical reality. Our government is a manifestation of the ghost IN the machine in each human. It simply manifests the limitations within each of us, in our inequality to the mechanism of life, as the physical.

We can try and pass laws that allow proportion to the whole, as this allowing a voice and determination within the economy of the ecology, but if the individual perspectives as the human are not realizing self as having an abstract/picture as mind as a collection of thoughts as being a ghost in the machine and not physical reality, then the outcome is more distortion that is attempted to be equalized without addressing the starting point as the individual parts of the collective.  

                                  Quantum Mind  Eqafe.com

Day 397 Paranoia of the Unknown : Ownership is Serve I = All.

Paranoia of the Unknown : Ownership

What is ownership other than a piece of paper saying that someone owns something of this earth? It is only real if we accept and allow this to be real. And why would we allow something like this to happen unless we were paranoid of the unknown? In the face of the knowable that is the physical world right here under our feet? To which we are all born, being of this earth?

It seems we are not of this earth, because we are not as this earth, being as this earth, meaning there is no one person’s, or group’s name on anything that is here. A tree is a tree. It gives, as how it lives/exists air, and we breath this air, it is how we live. I mean, humans have lived on this earth for a long time, and people have not owned the trees  and we all continued to breath.

In history we have also had ownership change, which means a piece of paper staring ownership can change hands. The forms of governance have also changed. There was communism, which was a bureaucratic form of government, and in this state we have supposed democracy, but what owns the gifts of the earth are increasingly owned by anonymous corporations, or persons. But even here, the corp, can go onto someone’s land and extract resources from under the earth, and our politicians allow this, without even allowing the effects of the extraction process to be made public. Thankfully we now have the internet. This also means that anything that is happening that is not addressed by the collective of people, by what is here as earth, is the responsibility of the people, all of us. We have a supposed democratic system that is the voice of the people. But is it being spoken and used to stop what is happening that is unacceptable, until it is done? No. There is a bully in the room as profit, as self interest, as fear, as survival, and it is not being addressed.  Ownership is part of the outflow of this. Because we have forgotten, and thus ignore and unknow common sense.  We fear losing what we own, that we believe protects us, not realizing that if the present system of anonymous corporate resource grab want what you own, and they now have all the money, you do not have a chance. The fear we are not facing within ourselves has become an unknown/ignored entity, and it is consuming life, and we are all allowing this because we are all this. As within so without, what goes in is what goes out. 

Conflict is a way to wrestle power from another, it is not about creation. Conflict is about control, not creation, because to create one must understand how things function and respect the function, because creation has a outcome of autonomy, ownership. Wanting control has an outcome of stagnation.  And we see this happening all over the earth. Starvation is stagnation, animal extinction is stagnation, alcohol is stagnation, lack is stagnation. Conflict is not life, it is about control, and creation cannot be about control, because real creation gives the ability and the platform of self direction. Creation would understanding, and what has been accepted and allowed on creation, which is earth, by men, is not creation, only ever growing conflict, ever increasing abuse and destruction and war.

Every human is different, but an idea of difference has been made into something that we have to display, taken on by consumerism and placed into pieces rearranged into factions in style: political, social, class, nationality. So the label of being intelligent is simply another layer of  consumerism, choose your party,  for example, your beliefs, the whole not recognized/ignored, and the presented opposition given for an all consuming drama of blame and spite. Meanwhile, the whole is grabbed behind  closed doors that are simply the factions involved in the self interested protection and defense decor presentation of beliefs, opinions and ideas manifested in dress codes and political leanings, all layers of division and thus separation. And meanwhile common sense and creation are ignored. The storms of what entertains to maintain ignorance, given a value of limited self definition and thus an ego have been manufactured, And the media would have us believe that this is creation, when it is not. Humans are delusional, not realizing that each one of us is different, and that supporting what is same, as physical beings, meeting the basic needs of this, will not change what is unique in each of us. If we got rid of all borders and all financial class - and class is based on economy ( because how much money you have determines education and stability allowing a modicum of self directive development ) --  and all wore the same clothes, and we walked around and looked at one another, we would see how every being is unique, thus there is no need to try and be different, or to cling to a group to be included, because we are already included as life on earth. The rest is just a separation,a division into a belief, an opinion and an idea, within a system that is a separation from life.

In the word survival is the answer to the present problem on earth, instead of serving a fear of survival, and allowing a system that does not share what is given without ownership, and to take this and as self serve I all, realizing that what is pure and clear about self that which is unique about self, will remain. So, the conflict of grabbing a dress code will end, because becoming what we are as what is unique about each of us, is serving ourselves as life, and in choosing this, we serve all life.

The sound of life, is always right there in front of us, we either listen as mind, only seeing the consumerist trappings of others trapped in consumerism, or we listen and pay attention and investigate what is on earth, in structure and in consequence and we slow down and we breath, to realize the delusion caused by beliefs, opinions and ideas of a more than and a less than, that have created a fear of loss, and a behavior of grabbing, of greed, causing an ignorance of life.  This, a dress code of separation, and all the while we need not fight to prove we are something, because we are all unique, we are all already part of the expression of life, and in not allowing ourselves as life to express, diminish life. So, it is that we must return to the point of nothing, of relinquishing all values as our dress codes sold/souled genetically to us, that started the day we were conceived, because this system has been going on for generations, and here - having moved back to nothing- we find ourselves and realize we are all unique and that the idea that one thing was more than another, was all an illusion, a state of paranoia that developed into an unknowing of ourselves as life, as we believed that an idea defined us, when we needed no definition, because creation gave us, is us, as having the autonomy to be life, as creation would not be anything else. It is like, DUH.

The belief that something can be owned as the gifts of this earth that support us, means that no ownership has actually happened, that no responsibility has been realized because in believing something can be owned,  a separation from being equal to creation has divided self into a paranoia of the unknown, and here in the abyss of ignorance, one grabs for a dress code to hide a nakedness that is simply a rejection of life.

Practically speaking, as we are now on earth, yes we must continue with ownership, which is to say that a person owns a piece of land to be responsible for, because as we are chaos would ensue. But, we can stand as a group and  realize that the natural resources that we use to support ourselves cannot be owned by a few, this is simply a delusion, and that what produces what is needed to support the soils and the animals and the humans, cannot be made to benefit a few, allowing disease on earth. The resources can be formed into a system that creates a living wage for men, to allow us to walk ourselves back into being self responsible as life, as what we are to get this earth in order, an order of life, because in all common sense, this war order is unacceptable. We are allowing an ignorance of the values made from resources that have been developed by generations of men, thus we all own what is here, so to speak, and we are allowing a few representatives of governing this physical world to lead us into a belief that is delusional, and because it is delusional, it is not something to blame, as it cannot see its own delusion. So, the collective must stand and place in a system that is a form of governing this earth that takes care of this earth, that allows ourselves as creators to be creators, where we become self responsible as life, working with what is here, allowing what is here to be what it is. And our system has become so limited, that so much that is here is not allowed to be what it is. And what is here is the very fabric of life, and thus for life to exist, the fabric must be allowed to be itself.

Stand and support a Living Income Guarantee, a basic income that enables all of us to walk out of the paranoia of the unknown, out of ignorance and equalize ourselves to what we are, to serve I all, to allow the gift of life that is right here in front of us, to be, as this is real ownership.

Walk the Desteni I Process Lite to begin to realize the inflation of the mind as a form of separation from life benefitting a few, creating a chaos of survival, that is only a delusion. Here, you as life, would naturally be the joy of an “ I” that serves all as being self as life. For this to exist, here is what must be lived and understood. Your mind is simply a map of what you have accepted and allowed yourself to be, values held onto to define your survival suit, your dress code, your restlessness is the burden of accepting and allowing this, thus remove the past and the dream of a future, and bring yourself back to self as life. 

Related articles

• Day 396 The Paranoia of Unknowing, The Equivalence of Dis-Ease
• Day 374 The paranoia of the unKNOWN cont.
• Day 382 Paranoia of the unknown; Lack of common sense
• Day 394 Paranoia of the Unknown: Superstitious Society
• Day 391 Add money to peace keeping and it becomes military and security forces. Is this acceptable?
• Day 395 The Inflation of Memorization in Education: Breeding Separation from Reality

Day 258 Consequence Dimension, Abdication Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to bring near what I had made distant within and as myself here, in separation from myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to control that which I had made distant and brought near in and as a desire to control what I feared.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I project, persists as I have rejected it as myself, placed a positive persona in and as protection within and without in self interest in fear of self honesty, in absence of common sense within equality and oneness in and as life, as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that any want, need and desire is a separation from being equal and one in and as, with, life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become impatient within and as this, to not see, realize and understand that I have the tools of breath and slowing myself down to use myself as life, in common sense of what is here in and as the physical to realize resistance is myself as energy, as limited insight, as judgement, as what has been taught within and as a consumerist, fear/survival system of dissipation into and as energy in separation from and as life - this being life that which is constant within and as what is best for all, as the principle of oneness in equality in and as what is same in all, which is the substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the friction and conflict within and as me, has become habitual, within and as the development of myself from childhood, where what was taught within a mind/physical relationship, was a mind made huge, composed of dictates serving a system of inequality, of more than and less than, creating an environment of survival/fear and thus directive within and as self interest.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that what was taught was preconceived notions of what values would enable survival, passed down through generations , education and media, social structure as class, nationality, gender.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own protection and defense mechanisms within self interest in fear of loss, and lack of common sense of equality and oneness in and as the substance of life, equal and one in all existent on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how in not being self honest, within and as life, here, I in effect was the source of supposed hurt, as my own notion of hurt that I projected without within allowing and being self abdication of self as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all thoughts, emotions and feelings, were of my own creation, through acceptance and allowance in separation from what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my own desire for comfort and praise, sympathy and tenderness was a separation from myself as life, as something that can be what self is as life, and thus something that self can gift to self as life, in being here, equal and one to and as life here, where within the principle of equality and oneness, in “give as one would life to receive” the gift to self as the gift of life, in and as self forgiveness in and as self as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing and accepting myself to be and become fear, in and as abdication of remaining equal and one within and as myself as life, I become a polarity within judgement of good and bad, more and less, and thus create friction and conflict within and as myself, losing common sense of myself as life and thus become spite and blame and abdicate myself within communication with and as life, here, which is myself allowing a separation within a mind/physical relationship as the instrument of life, as my human physical body.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of defensive communication lacking equality and oneness communication - this being the realization that we are all the same, of the same substance, this being the substance of life, here, in and as the actual physical world, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the energetic storm of and as the mind, as consciousness, of inequality, of greed, of a bullying nature in and as fear of survival, of facing my own protection and defense mechanisms as personalities and characters, where I disperse myself as life into limited values unsupportive of equality and one awareness in and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own self judgements of existing within lack, in and as beliefs that I am not good enough, or that there is something inherently wrong with me, all of which is myself within and as judgement, disrespecting myself as life, here, and thus abusing myself as life, here, as such action has no practical common sense of this actual physical world, and thus such judgement gives no direction within and as practical solutions within supporting this physical world in and as what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that anything other than self honesty within and as myself here, is the source of perceived hurt, and thus I can blame no one but myself for what i have accepted and allowed within and as myself here within this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I have behaviors of control, a personification of protection in separation from myself as life, here.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding all energetic movements within and as my human physical body awareness, to see realize and understand that such movements are judgements within and as protection and defense based on limited values, a separation into fear and thus self interest, where i can use the tools of breathing, writing, self forgiveness and corrective application to bring myself back to self, and no longer separate myself into inferiority and image projection onto of something other than myself being capable of self direction, in and as myself as life here.
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to fear looking at what is here, within and without, to look at what behaviors I accept and allow within and without and to stop and to breath and to bring myself back here, equal and one to and as the physical, a process that takes practice and patience, to face and correct, to align within the principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, as this is self as life, in self honesty in and as life here, where self exists within and as a constant in and as life, that which is best for all, that which is eternal, directive.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding through and as being aware in every moment , in and as breath, to slow way down and realize I am equal and one to all existent, separations included, to self forgive in and as life, here within what is best for all, to take fear into and as myself here, as my own accepted and allowed separations in protection and defense, behaviors of competition and comparison, and to stop and to breath, and to become one and equal to, to direct myself within and as what is best for all, as myself in self honesty in and as life, here.

Day 243 What is being "irritation"?

Irritation
What is “being” irritation?
Irritation is a response of no movement, of no ease, of conflict. A “stop”. A loss of breath. An “ I don’t know where to go”, or a “I can’t move”, and/or “ I can no longer see what is here.”
Auditioning comes up for me. I specifically remember auditioning for a group, and immediately, as I walked in the room and began to play, I could not play; what had been so easy at another audition was tense and unmoving within this one. I must have been about 17, maybe 16.
I remember this so well - or so I believe, because I have questioned it for years- in other words sought answers. I remember standing there, being distant, and I remember the manner and ways of the jurors. Even this brings up recently going for interviews for jobs, and I went to many, as I had the perfect paper work, but the minute I walked through the door and across the room towards the interviewer, the reaction and judgement was already set - or so I believed.
Someone told me it was reverse snobbery, as where I live and the field I entered had the local regional accent, and this profession was filled with this: I lacked this accent.
It was not so with all interviews. There were two that wanted to hire me, but it was far away and I choose the stability of where I am for the children. Right or wrong, it’s done, I can only move from here.
My manner and words, did not fit, were not easy and comfortable for the person interviewing me. And, as with this audition, I can remember walking in and shutting down, even within being nervous, as I had been nervous about auditions and not clamped up when the time came. But this is part of being a player, in no matter what situation, the playing had to be constant, and I was not. So, no matter what I deserved what I got.
I also had to learn to read scores, orchestral scores and play them on the piano, I practiced this a lot, and sometimes it began to move. I knew I would be nervous, so I practiced to move within this nervousness. I didn’t make it, when I sat down for the test at the piano, I froze, couldn’t see the orchestral score, and thus could not play the score on the piano. For some reason I passed the class, and to this day I do not know why. I really did not deserve this, even though I had practiced it a lot. When performance time came I froze.
I think it was a little while after this that I just stopped one day and said I was so fucking sick and tired of being this fear that I forced myself to play openly more. I went to recitals at other schools and I watched, I watched the focus, to imitate it, my thinking was, how the hell is this done, it was like I wanted to see how it was done, because I thought, this can be done, so it is here.
I stumbled a lot over the years, but slowly the devil of fear began to be controlled. But there are other factors, a husband dying, when the music world was beginning to open up - after my children had reached an age of greater autonomy and I had stepped back into the field more, where I made the choice to return to my country of origin because being away at night and hiring help seemed too difficult, this after the death of my husband.
I remember one of the last gigs I played, the certainty within playing was a joy. Even the conductor came to my home to support me within the death of my husband. And conductors do not do that unless they gain something. Part of me was going, on the inside, fuck, should I stay or should I go.
On another front, in another facade, there was a residual doubt from the past within ability, but even here the lifestyle seemed too uncertain and difficult being a single mom.
The undercurrent of self judgement, the “state” of separation, the cause of not being present. The fear made bigger, as a judgement of loss and or gain, where the loss is hidden through attempting to make the choice a beautiful outcome. Self justification. Self interest.
Would learning to see the blueprint of the mind, and thus making this blueprint of fear smaller, where the parts were seen for what they are, prevent such happenings, as not being able to direct self within communication with others? Within practical understanding of the emotional/feeling alignments connecting, as system of compounded value judgements within culture, class, gender, age, race, regional accent, style as taught within generational back ground and world exposure to varying stylistic mannerisms regionally being made into values of more than and less than, a bling of presentation, be what is energetically valued instead of common sense in and as words within a clear detailed directive, concise and simple, without endless chattering embellishments of happy face drama, going on and on and on without really saying anything? And imagine this being what is used, by many that are simply the gargoyles of the gate, a facade of talk about how a-mazing this is and how amazing that is, on and on and on, in a way, slowing things down, creating a giant HallMark moment, where the initial task is all but forgotten. Interesting that the term is “ Hall Mark” moment. Building the defense/protection wall, as a hall, as a layer, confining the initial directive. No one gets through here, is really what the happy face, “ let’s talk about how amazing and wonderful everything is,” is about. Programmed behavior to move within the maze that is the system of inequality, stepping up a ladder of relationships to survive, ignoring the view as life, not working with the substance supporting the maze.

I remember sitting in an office, waiting for an interview. The secretary, and another visiter - a young girl who had just finished her education degree- were talking about how wonderful the children were, how wonderful the teachers were, on and on and on. And the girl visiter interspersed things she had experienced within getting her degree. So, I perked up and joined in - to see what would happen - and within my conversation I named dropped etc. - I wanted to interrupt the pattern, because honestly, I felt like I was listening to a Liszt piece, the same phrase, over and over again, the same embellishments again and again, like the verbal diarrhea was extremely tasteful, and comforting. I guess this is how the game is played, happy face your way to the bank.
It is like a torture session. And in some way, this emotional happy face “water torture” must be used and not be of self as what self is, as being within the system but not of the system. THis point of realizing it is just water/energy in and as no substance ( and this is within the context of water being a symbol of emotion as what i have been taught). In many ways it is like being able to read an orchestral score and playing the parts all at once, as in seeing the blueprint of the mind, and how this can be a directive, when, it is to see this as a maze, as a display of parts from the totality as the substance of life, as the nothing, rendering this irritation, as energy, as judgement, small, so that the score is readable, and thus renderable to and towards what is best for all, as the embellishment is not good or bad, it simply needs direction within what is best for all.
Thus, there is nothing to fear within this, as the physical is here, as life, showing the way to what works absolutely through form and function, and the vertigo in the chest need not be the directive as it is only a score of the present system which can be flooded with common sense as the principle of what is best for all to prevent the separation from self as life.

Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character

Imagination Dimension / Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a scenario play out in my mind, as a memory, based on a past event to determine what i am here, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am allowing this past memory as judgement to define myself personally as the personification of being a victim as what I am here, instead of stopping , breathing, and realizing how I was seeing myself as less than and reacting within anger towards another, in self interested protection and defense in fear of loss of status and friendship, as I went into a sequence of behaviors as energy blaming and spiting another, creating friction and conflict for myself and the other, in not seeing how I existed as mind scanning my environment in terms of survival and gain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe at the time, within one specific memory play out, that I was not allowed access to a group, believing myself to be less than based on face values of physical maturity and monetary display, taking it personally while the friendship supposedly lost was simply my friend maturing physically faster than myself and seeking like developing girls to face a change taking place, where I judged myself as less than within this and thus turning myself into a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created all these thoughts around this as judgement, manipulating myself from a negative less than reaction into apositive more than belief, utilizing the morality of social class that I had been taught within my family, culture, society, instead of looking at what physical changes were taking place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that were I in my friends shoes , I probably - wether right or wrong- have done the same thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that all judgement as a thought is myself showing myself where I have separated from actually looking at this physical world and understanding how the physical world functions, and within this separating myself into some fuzzy logic as belief, opinion and idea, following cultural and class ideologies or non substantiating and directing movement as what is best for all, equalizing life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anger, as reaction, within protecting myself, in fear of having loss some status, when nothing had been lost in reality, as I continued to exist and found other activities and interactions with others, this being myself here, interacting as life, here, so the idea of loss was indeed an illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this past event to play out in my mind, and create a behavior where I scan my environment in anticipation of being measured as less than as I place some values above others and fear being measured as less than, which is, as I have seen, an ignorance of the reactions of others, themselves trying to understand this physical world and simply following limited values that are what is taught as a means of survival within a mind consciousness system of separation into and as energy as values of more than and less than, creating inequality within being one and equal to what is physically real, here.

I commit myself to, when and as I become the same behaviors coming up within and as myself, as being less than and then placating myself through making judgements that lead to myself as a “more than” to stop and to breath and to bring myself back into and as the physical, to understand what is here as the physical, and direct in common sense as to what is best for all, to be responsible for the behaviors within and without that are in separation from equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself, having a memory flash by, in and as my mind, to stop and to breath, and to ground myself here, in and as breath, and to self forgive, through writing, any and all energetic movement within and as myself, realizing that such movement is a separation into a more than and less than mind consciousness belief, opinion and idea, in fear of survival, as my self existing in separation from what is directive and supportive of life in the realization that all life is equal.

I commit myself to when and as I also relive as this memory, a feeling of quilt that I am allowing myself to judge myself as less than based on my own demise, which in and of itself is not a solution but simply another end game of emotion I accept and allow unless I stop, and breath and realize such behavior is not within the principle of what is best for all, as the value being life.

I commit myself to realizing that each and every time I judge another, based on a morality sustaining survival, I am in separation from common sense of what is best for all, disrespecting myself as life, equal and one with what is here, so I stop and I breath and I direct within equalizing an understanding within communication to and towards what is best for all

Desteni

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