Protean is changeability. Day 798

More on what is means to be changeable

I am naturally able to change in a moment. The use of my words reveals my ability to change, as words are a reflection of my perspective about what is around me, they are the means of expression as me, because I am a human being. 

My skill with words, reveals the means and mode of my changeability in many ways. Yet, it is myself and on what I choose to focus, that becomes who and what I am, using this means of expression as my physical body, my instrument of and as being the life that is here that is me. I am physical, a physical embodiment of life, that is what I am here. It is for me to respect that which I am, all of it. If I allow my imagination to be larger than this life that is me here, I am disrupting life, a life that I cannot remember what lead me to be what I am here, thus, it is to realize and respect the physical that is the means of what I am here. My imagination, as the cumulative experiences I have embraced and followed, resonant within as me, can be a self created mirage,  which did not exist at birth and are the consequences of my environment, can become the mirage of information that I either realize as this, or believe to be more real than myself here, as the physical embodiment of what I am in totality. The physical is the reality of me, before imagination builds resonant mirages of information, with and as an inherent physical ability to absorb information, as my environmental information. Being able to absorb, as reflect the physical environment and the way the physical environment moves, even with imagined resonance, as mirages of belief, I come to absorb and either blindly accept or realize the differences and always look to the physical to ensure no harm is being done to what is real. I am an instrument that absorbs what is a perspective shared that is always about reality - a resonant construct about reality - maintaining a presence in the means as the physical instrument that is who and what I am here is my responsibility.

I can change that instrument with careful practice, informing the machine, as the physical instrument, to enable that instrument to move with presence as what I am as a physical state of being because what I practice can automate, and does come to automate me here. Or, I can allow myself to believe that my resonant mirage as beliefs, are larger than the life that enables me as the physical. It is interesting, because I remember creating music on an instrument. What could happen is that I would automate what I created, as specific forms. I could get caught in them, and not be able to change with ease, which meant that I had not developed a real processing of the means, as be able to instantly create new forms. I was repeating singular ways of expression. change from that appeared difficult, when the difficulty was moving counter to my own creations. A point of change is a point of most resistance, thus resistance is a way and means of realizing counter intuitive movements. Meaning, movement counter to one’s mirage. Or, what one expects, is not in alignment with practical reality. Same difference. What is friction but this? 

How I move, what I am able to do with ease, is a program of skills that I developed and utilized. This is changing the physical, or becoming a master of who and what I express with my physical body. Or, I can become an expression of abstracts about the physical, which is not being equal to the physical, as it is practicing changing only a resonance within me. Thus, change can be within my mirage, my mirror image of and as beliefs, a thing, a resonant object that is a form, and never the real thing, or I can be a real change as real skill development that brings the physical as me to move in practical applications with ease, being a master of me as who and what I really am in totality. This is respect of the physical.

I can see where I have allowed myself to believe the resonance, the mirage, within me is larger than reality, and how what I practice becomes the skills that are my capacity to effectively self direct as who and what I am as the totality of me here, as being a physical expression of and as life. What is interesting is how much a resonant construct when believed to be more real than reality, can be projected outwards, believed to be larger than life, and yet be so in separation from reality, it causes conflict in understanding and that conflict a distraction from the practical, consuming the life of the instrument, to the detriment of life, which is physical because this is the means of myself being here, in expression, as this came before the accumulated series of beliefs, opinions and ideas, that can create a separation from reality.  I am not processing what is life; the physical. Yet, I am the means to do so.

All of this reveals changeability. And it requires constant reference to this reality, to ensure skill sets ( a programing equal to communication with the physical, or probiotic resonance ) that are in respect of the physical reality. What I eat, what I think, what I choose, are all moments of change, and thus, my choices will determine who and what I function as within me, and what will be the effects of the physical instrument that is me here. The very resonant state of me, reveals what choices I have made, as the level of my synchronicity to life is reflected through the condition of my physical body. 

I am the creator of the change that is me, as this. And this is something that no one can be responsible for but myself. All of this reveals the very protean nature of who and what I am as a physical manifestation of life, where what I resonate shows me to myself. It is actually very simple. What complicates this is arguing for the state of lack that is the mirage made larger than life, which is a physical life. 

No one can be responsible for me but me, and I am the very means of being the necessary change to and towards what is best for me. What is best for me, is what is best for all, as I am the same, as equal, to all as who and what is the very fabric of me here, which is physical manifestation. In a sea of resonant mirages, the sea shore is always here, in plain sight. Thus, just as I realized my own automations within performing, as practiced and made resonant constructs, so can I be the necessary change to always relate to the resonance constructs within me, as my practices in the past, and cross reference the physical reality with and as every breath, here. I am protean.

Osho Tarot Card

Day 37 Age of innocence?

Day 37 Age of Innocence

I have had an image in my head lately of my self as a child wrapping my arms around my father’s neck. A behavior I enjoy with men, I have always likes the neck. Seems this is still with me, a place of comfort. A place to hide? As this is what is here as a memory as a picture, in my conscious mind.

I look to this memory, I bring this here. THere it was , it was like I was pretending something - and while reading another process blog this word pretend jumped out at me, I had a pain jump up in my chest and I re-read the sentence I had just read, and “pretend” jumped out. Then came the image “of the day” - so to speak.

When in fear, when the being of my self as “not looking” or seeing my self not being in common sense, as knowing I am not looking or pretending, tending to something other than actually looking at what is here, this act from childhood remains, even though I have no idea what specifically lead me to seek this comfort, this act of seeking comfort remains. Was I just wanting the energetic high of comfort/attention/drama?

Meanwhile the underlying fear here with my self has been about money. When I face tuition payments and changes financially I tend to stall making decisions, like I want to escape to the bitter end and then organize. I measure how much time I have and then make the decision, a careful procrastination. And then I want something to hide in, to avoid making a decision. The caution is not so much the problem, things must be looked at, it is the worry and the escape added onto this that is unnecessary and it only drags me down when this time could be used within clarity instead of a hazy anxiety where I imagine worse case scenarios. I have done this so many times, like clockwork, which is what the mind does, it works like a clock, ticking away as anxiety if I accept and allow it. I can’t make decisions within this state and thus it is no wonder I want to hide. One behavior precipitates the other, and both are clutter. Stop.

Some of the financial decisions I have to make cannot be made in this moment as I do not have all the answers, so I have to let it go and look at what i can do here in this moment. The answers will come and be seen more clearly if I am not lost in worry and I will accomplish a lot more. Plus, I won’t need to hide in a damsel in distress drama as I am not inferior seeking a superior as an idea based on a story line, instead I use the physical world in practical common sense. 

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that when I am anxious and fearful I relive actions I learned as a child, to seek comfort from a man, as my mother was not especially fond of taking care of babies, which she has stated many times, and it was my father that was there when I was really young.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize this image in and as my mind was what came up after months of self forgiveness, where I, as this memory, am aware of my self being comforted by my father and also aware of my self doing this as some kind of drama, yet this action as hiding from a fear remains, and so when I am here as an adult I tend to continue to do this, to want to run and hide in the comfort of a man when I am anxious and worried.

I forgive my self for not realizing that this is a burden for the man and for my self as is not a solution to fear and anxiety.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to connect this comfort from fear to intimacy with men.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have created a habit of seeking attention from men when I feel anxious, even though I am aware that I do this, and at times I have stopped my self as it does not solve any problems and many times men simply do not have the answers, or the support seems unnecessary, I continue to have this come up in instances of anxiety, where the present system on this earth is of the need for money to sustain oneself on an earth that gives unconditionally where men have signed  ownership to the resources of this earth, imposing a system of conditioned support within a false creation/belief of lack.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to relate my fears to the role of my self as a woman where I believe I am dependent on men and must seek council and comfort from men instead of using common sense and directing my self to look and realize what is practical here, and within this utilize the principle of what is best for all and the application of breath, to keep my self here and out of the mind, as becoming separate from what is physically here.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to give up my past and place my self here in common sense, without fear of loss, as there is nothing to lose being here, yet, as I have experienced, there is something to lose if I allow my self to become anxious and seek comfort as a habit, within the arms of a man

I commit my self to stopping my self from going into anxiety and fear about money and to breath, to realize that at the moment i cannot make decisions as the tuition bills for my sons have not yet arrived so all I have is to be cautions and practical with finances.

I commit my self to stopping my self from wondering off into anxiety and fear and to in common sense look at what is here this month and that next month I will have a better idea of where I stand in terms of finances.

I commit my self to following  what I have outlined to complete on my home and to spend time everyday within the desteni process as this is what I am able to walk in the moment.

I commit my self to focusing on what is here, and to not wonder off in my mind , as my mind is built of the past and based on judgements within a hierarchy of stagnant labels and limited insight, an accepted separation of being here, where, as in my memory as a child, there is no answer to being here in common sense of what is here, where what is here is life, and as life, everything that is here is equal and one, and all the actions around me are me as it is the actions and the movements that are the being of life, where action becomes of absolute purpose when the principle of what is best for all is applied and thus here is the direction as what is best for all is best for self.