Protean is changeability. Day 798

More on what is means to be changeable

I am naturally able to change in a moment. The use of my words reveals my ability to change, as words are a reflection of my perspective about what is around me, they are the means of expression as me, because I am a human being. 

My skill with words, reveals the means and mode of my changeability in many ways. Yet, it is myself and on what I choose to focus, that becomes who and what I am, using this means of expression as my physical body, my instrument of and as being the life that is here that is me. I am physical, a physical embodiment of life, that is what I am here. It is for me to respect that which I am, all of it. If I allow my imagination to be larger than this life that is me here, I am disrupting life, a life that I cannot remember what lead me to be what I am here, thus, it is to realize and respect the physical that is the means of what I am here. My imagination, as the cumulative experiences I have embraced and followed, resonant within as me, can be a self created mirage,  which did not exist at birth and are the consequences of my environment, can become the mirage of information that I either realize as this, or believe to be more real than myself here, as the physical embodiment of what I am in totality. The physical is the reality of me, before imagination builds resonant mirages of information, with and as an inherent physical ability to absorb information, as my environmental information. Being able to absorb, as reflect the physical environment and the way the physical environment moves, even with imagined resonance, as mirages of belief, I come to absorb and either blindly accept or realize the differences and always look to the physical to ensure no harm is being done to what is real. I am an instrument that absorbs what is a perspective shared that is always about reality - a resonant construct about reality - maintaining a presence in the means as the physical instrument that is who and what I am here is my responsibility.

I can change that instrument with careful practice, informing the machine, as the physical instrument, to enable that instrument to move with presence as what I am as a physical state of being because what I practice can automate, and does come to automate me here. Or, I can allow myself to believe that my resonant mirage as beliefs, are larger than the life that enables me as the physical. It is interesting, because I remember creating music on an instrument. What could happen is that I would automate what I created, as specific forms. I could get caught in them, and not be able to change with ease, which meant that I had not developed a real processing of the means, as be able to instantly create new forms. I was repeating singular ways of expression. change from that appeared difficult, when the difficulty was moving counter to my own creations. A point of change is a point of most resistance, thus resistance is a way and means of realizing counter intuitive movements. Meaning, movement counter to one’s mirage. Or, what one expects, is not in alignment with practical reality. Same difference. What is friction but this? 

How I move, what I am able to do with ease, is a program of skills that I developed and utilized. This is changing the physical, or becoming a master of who and what I express with my physical body. Or, I can become an expression of abstracts about the physical, which is not being equal to the physical, as it is practicing changing only a resonance within me. Thus, change can be within my mirage, my mirror image of and as beliefs, a thing, a resonant object that is a form, and never the real thing, or I can be a real change as real skill development that brings the physical as me to move in practical applications with ease, being a master of me as who and what I really am in totality. This is respect of the physical.

I can see where I have allowed myself to believe the resonance, the mirage, within me is larger than reality, and how what I practice becomes the skills that are my capacity to effectively self direct as who and what I am as the totality of me here, as being a physical expression of and as life. What is interesting is how much a resonant construct when believed to be more real than reality, can be projected outwards, believed to be larger than life, and yet be so in separation from reality, it causes conflict in understanding and that conflict a distraction from the practical, consuming the life of the instrument, to the detriment of life, which is physical because this is the means of myself being here, in expression, as this came before the accumulated series of beliefs, opinions and ideas, that can create a separation from reality.  I am not processing what is life; the physical. Yet, I am the means to do so.

All of this reveals changeability. And it requires constant reference to this reality, to ensure skill sets ( a programing equal to communication with the physical, or probiotic resonance ) that are in respect of the physical reality. What I eat, what I think, what I choose, are all moments of change, and thus, my choices will determine who and what I function as within me, and what will be the effects of the physical instrument that is me here. The very resonant state of me, reveals what choices I have made, as the level of my synchronicity to life is reflected through the condition of my physical body. 

I am the creator of the change that is me, as this. And this is something that no one can be responsible for but myself. All of this reveals the very protean nature of who and what I am as a physical manifestation of life, where what I resonate shows me to myself. It is actually very simple. What complicates this is arguing for the state of lack that is the mirage made larger than life, which is a physical life. 

No one can be responsible for me but me, and I am the very means of being the necessary change to and towards what is best for me. What is best for me, is what is best for all, as I am the same, as equal, to all as who and what is the very fabric of me here, which is physical manifestation. In a sea of resonant mirages, the sea shore is always here, in plain sight. Thus, just as I realized my own automations within performing, as practiced and made resonant constructs, so can I be the necessary change to always relate to the resonance constructs within me, as my practices in the past, and cross reference the physical reality with and as every breath, here. I am protean.

Osho Tarot Card

Feeling and Structure and walking a dog. Day 785

I notice that there appears to me to be two sides happening. Somehow they are within utilization of an inherent absorbent ability and utilizing structure. 

Somehow, the gap, must come together between the two as I see it at the moment. It appears to me that there are two schools, so-to-speak, of moving from sensing as discovering,  within not bringing in too much structure, and utilizing structure as a means to an end.  In reality, it is both, it is a balance and interchange within both. Too little structure, and one spends too much time in finding self direction. Too much structure being given, as a form, to only follow, and one misses a sense of self within having perspective within that structure, which can in itself, cause a separation, and fear, as insecurity, because one loses grounding in a way. It somehow ties into the fact that we learn more from a sum of parts, the subject and the object, cross referencing within the two, that must come to a balance, where the processing between both moves with greater awareness. After all, separation is caused through limitation.

I find when I have back chat in competition, as comparing myself to another, or from a point of fearing to lose something, which means I want to win something, I am in a point of fear, and hence self interest, forgetting who and what I am here. What  I find supports me, is to realize that I have this world around me, the physical, and myself, and the group, mirroring the same as me, working through processes that are similar to my own.  Meaning, there remains this idea that I have to do this myself, which is a truth, and yet, it must also, must need, the world around me, the people, the plants, the animals, this as a structural awareness.  

This balance between listening, as ordering, as listing, form and function, movement and expression, be it of a considerate focus of all things, or be it, within a state of separation, as self interest, always with a quality of and as a “rush” being present.  When I have back chat in competition, the comparisons come up, and I am within ordering in self interest and not considering all things, where solutions are always the way forward. It is seeing the thoughts and what is in-between the thoughts, it is always, being grounded in realizing I am, and that I-am is physical. Within things that have happened in my life, what remains is myself here. What has real longevity, is the I am. What is around me, is what allows the I am. This is in a way, the same as god is.  Some people have said to me. “ that is Buddism.”  Yet, Christ said the same thing.  This is the same as the story of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, as the old woman in the woods, is the princess in another life, thus we are all the same, life in expression, each an expression in another life. We are here. I am.  Have we ever asked how that old woman came to the end of her life living in those woods? What shaped and formed her. I mean, we tend to choose families and cultures similar to our own, because we understand that our surroundings influence our children! 

The power to call things by their name, is being the living word. This is also buried, or made evident in our fairy tales. 

In this, a fear of making a mistake, is an illusion, and that same ability to move from sensing a form, to see structure, is also realizing the structure, as the structure is the means to the end, just as the physical is the means to the end, as though both are the same. Creativity, as I see it at this point, is realizing change can happen, within realizing to always  choose what does no harm. 

It is the realization that too much water is detrimental, as is too little, there must be a balance. This same realization is used to divide and conquer, in, for example, our health systems, that use imbalance to make a profit before bringing forward health from creating balance in the basic needs of the physical to remain in balance and function. Instead, imbalance, is created, to force needs that then must be balanced out. Yet, this is done in a way to perpetuate the need for pills, that perpetual payment, where one’s labor moves towards purchasing that pill, for the rest of one's life, where that pill is not concerned with creating stability, but maintaining an instability to not only direct labor, but also, to create a perpetual state of imbalance, because if one discovered this overall, it would no longer have the power to influence one, and one would begin to discover real support. This means, as the distraction is so ubiquitous, that it is a busy work to maintain the deception, because the potential to understand is more natural. It is like a perpetual static. This is much like the back chat within me, when I move into competition, manifest as back chat of a projection of a more and a state of being less.  And it is the same, in that what is here, as I am, is the physical, which moves in creative ways, as the principle of and as to do no harm, which is to consider all things. 

I have two ears and one mouth, which means that it is to listen more than speak.  Since I have back chat, at times, it means to listen even more, than speak, because of my own separations and the practice of listening to here, to the I am, to realizing what is in between the thoughts, as the thoughts are colored with value judgements and are not that kind of reflection of what is here, as those moments, when I am interrupted and  see through the veil of my own spin in value judgements, based on the past, based on the acceptance and allowance of a culture that is based on an environment and that experience made a construct or structure to guide one, that forgot from whence it came, as the physical world.  It is , as I see it, still a stagnation into fearing to really feel.  And yet, real joy would be to really feel. Within this, not fearing to make mistakes, and that includes using past mistakes to justify where I am at at present within bringing myself back into equality and oneness in respect of and as what and who I am as a physical state of being, that means living practical awareness, here.  Because, creation is practical, which is really cool, and so simple. What is in plain sight is simple, it is a chaos that separates it.

Yesterday, I was asked to go and to talk with some people that had experienced a bad situation regarding a dog belonging to someone I know. I knew that I was going to have to face their venting, and I realized it could not define me, and that it was to apologize, and lend my regards in understanding why they were angry. I hesitated when it came to do this, as I did not want to face that metaphysical state of blame and anger coming at me.  This is my past, and it is a fear of loss, a fear of being defined at the values within the venting. I have to tell myself that I have faced such and not reacted, and even done this, before I started to walk this process, in quite natural ways and means. Still, there is some fear of this, a fear of facing this event. it is a pattern of not wanting to face this, and becoming angry. Yet, what would I want if the tides were turned and I was them? Where I am at at the moment, is to realize there are only solutions, where punishment is not being and living a structural means of bringing forth a presence that lives not having a repeat of the problem.  Thus, even though I realize this on the one hand, there remains this fear of facing this chaos, because it will be loaded with so many things - or so I believe. This is more than likely, yet, not necessarily so. There may come more compassion than I am expecting.  Which, overall, I have been surprised with before. And, lol, expected other times, only to find I face a lot of anger and venting!

Living solutions, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, means taking responsibility, no matter what. It means investigating until one understands enough. Fear is, in many ways, not having investigated something enough. It means not having really looked and considered more than one’s immediate survival needs. It is recognizable in being caught in a construct of the lesser evil, which causes a spin of weighing values, which is not being in that space between thoughts, where one realizes the existent structure and the creation in expression, at the same time, feeling the creative ability inherent in the overall design, to change and choose what does no harm, and respects all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself t move into competition, as living a comparison within values, in self interest, not being realizing and understanding that the I am that is me, is within a limited idea, belief, or opinion, in fear of survival, and forgetful of the I am, that is me, that is here, that is the physical creation in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project outside of me that there is a lack within me, that I must defend, which is myself not being present, equal and one, feeling here, being in the simple joy of realizing what is here, is me, in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself toot see, realize and understand, what it means to be strong, for example, as I have lived this , within and as other areas of my life, where i was steady, and stable, and directive, thus, as life, in feeling here, this is actually a more natural state of being, than allowing back chats within and as me, of comparison, imagining success or worst-case-scenarios.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, being myself, feeling here.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear feeling, intros instance, the anger and venting of another, as though this can define me, as though this is impossible to deal with, when it is a consequence of other actions of lack, where the only solution is to realize directive structures that lend ease and a absence of a fear of feeling, as in this case it is a dog that has had little social interaction opportunities with other dogs. thus, the solution is here, and can be walked, and the anger from those who suffered the consequences of the lack in the dog, within the present system, will and may come towards me, as from one perspective, they are the victims of this lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react within and as protection and defense, within and as what is here, is to realize actions of complete responsibility to and towards what is best for all, as life, as living solutions, realizing that there are no problems only solutions, here, and to see, realize and understand that there must be more awareness structurally of and as the practical applications that have not been lived, in relation to this dog, that are the solution.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as it is well known in the research in reading development, most criminals are those who have no means of communication, that in itself causes a consequence of greater frustration and inability to communicate effectively, building a seed of dissonance and disconnect, where the inability to communicate, causes greater and greater loss of opportunity, leading to more ineffective behaviors in social situations, a self perpetuating storm of dis-clarity, and aggressive behaviors,  where the real solution is to rebuild effective structures of  a reciprocal nature as being able to simultaneously call things by name, and respect what is here as the very structure and expression of the physical, and the creative nature of this, as the ability to change, within and as realizing the only choice is to do no harm, as to respect all things, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into fear, into believing it is too much to face the storm, of and as not moving in and as the realization in practical action, in every moment, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, I stop, and i breath, and I slow myself down, and I recognize my own pattern of fear, as resistance, as feeling overwhelmed, as fearing to be defined, of believing I am responsible - as believing I must problem solve, or have all the answers, etc, - I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that this idea that I am responsible, is an idea, that I then self blame, becoming a perpetual state of not feeling worthy, a separation within itself, and also the answer, as in some ways we all realize we can problem solve, as we are the perfect forms to do so,  thus, it is to stop hating myself and to become patient and calm, realizing the solutions are always here, even if colored with a past of a consciousness of separation from realizing self as life, here, as being physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i should have recognized this before it happened, as this dog has been kept in  a yard, after being used to breed other dogs and as such having lived in a kennel, without any real socialization, and there for,  being life, wanting to interact with other dogs and yet fearing them at the same time, thus, there was not a recognition that the dog needed some socialization, which was lacking, and somehow it was my responsibility to have prevented what happened from happening, yet it is not my dog, and I cannot physically be in many places at once, therefor, and because of where I am , in this moment, it is to face the storm and realize the solutions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to in some ways, trust myself, within and as seeing realizing and understanding that I cam capable to assessing, as investigating, as in taking the time to understand, and within this, need not move into anxiety, fearing to be labeled, or defined as not being enough, or moving into self blame, based on expectations, within and as some idea, and instead to realize this as a past pattern, and to embrace it, forgive it, redirect it, within and as making as accepting a natural ability to assess and understand, as gather information, to realize there are no problems only solutions in living actions as who and what I am as a physical state of being as life in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, to not within this, slow down, and breath, and ground myself here, in calm, giving as I would receive, as not reacting to emotional outflows, as the story of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, and to within this, give as lend understanding, assessing and realizing solutions,  as standing equal and one to physical creation, as creation would be and do, as this is being creative here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand,  practical awareness, as respect of the physical as who and what i am is always here, and as such the potential to always from solutions, within an as there are no problems,  is always here, and within this, to realize consequence within not realizing this sound principle, is a process, thus, with each breath, with each step, it is to birth life fro the physical, to realize the principle of oneness and equality as the golden rule, in practical action, as to give as one would receive, here.

When and as I find myself becoming overwhelmed and spinning into anxiety, I stop, I slow down, and I breath, and I take the space to respect here, to listen more than I speak, to hear more than wanting to speak up, to practice grounding and referencing here, as assessing what is here, seeing realizing and understanding the storms of energy, as separation, into a catch 22, or a more than and a less than, of fear of loss and desire for gain in self interest as belief, opinion and idea, to embrace this, forgive and to listen to what is here, to realize that it is natural to assess what is here,  and anxiety is more a protection and defense, as a justification which is a fear of loss,, instead of respecting what is here as life as the practical as the physical reality , the living physical reality around me, to practice when and as I move into taking things personally, fearing to be defined, as them, to then to forgive and to follow through into realizing what is best for all, here. 

lol, When and as I find myself reacting, as becoming frustrated, or resistant, to slow down and breath, to listen, to assess, to  cross reference my own back chat, and the tension within my physical body, to realize that just as a unsocialized dog does not know how to act with other dogs, so am I, within and as being  past as a practice of fear, spinning into anxiety, as a lack of processing, as a lack of respect of the practical, where the protection and defense, is in a way, a non - looking here at the practical,  as being in respect of creation, as all cultures are products of the environment, and to realize that I am physical, and that I can assess, real-eyes, feel, as life here, and enjoy, here,  in the same way, I have actually socialized a dog, who did not know, as never had the opportunity, to interact with other dogs , for example, on a walk, and as such, have lived that change, that change that came with the opportunity, and as such, it is a process, thus, when and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down,  and I forgive  personalities from the past that may arise, and I look here,  to build effective communication with here, as this reality as all things, that are me in another life, to practice realigning into equality and oneness with life, that is physical and in plain sight/site here. 

When and as I find myself facing a situation where I experience what i call ‘ venting’ I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess, check myself,  listen , realize to not take this personally, and ground myself,  as check to ensure  I am calm,  to realize that I can assess problems, and move with them into realizing there are no problems and only solutions here.

A natural ability to be PRESENT Day 768

I have moments from the past where I looked at something and had a noses that something was out of whack. It usually was a focus where I could not explain why I thought something was out of whack, or, as another way to say this is, ‘ not in synch.”

This is something I think is innate to all of us, as what we are. This is something that each one of us can realize. If anything we get caught up in the details of expressing ourselves as we cannot line up the words that paint the picture of the math that we see, or sense, being not in synch, somehow, in the world around us. 

I can think of numerous instances in my life where this has happened. And I can compare this to performing to realize, as I had over the years, of what was happening that was the cause of both being able to sense something being out of synch and an ability to not quite be able to call out by name the math, the movement, the sense of the whole not being in balance. It is all around us, and we are the perfect mechanisms to understand this. We have all sensed this at some point in our lives. It has to be because of what we are, as forms, in totality. The statement that the veil is thin, is around and has been around for a reason, because it is a description of what is happening. It sticks , it holds, it cannot be denied.

I remember an instance where I really looked at my nephew, who is autistic.  I mean, I stood there and really LOOKED. Meaning, I sensed him, in calm, just stood there and sensed him. Instead of being in fear of his erratic and unconventional movements, in relation to comparison ONLY, based on comparison within standard expectations, I LOOKED at him. I was not in a state of resistance, I just LOOKED. What came to me was a sense that he was completely out of synch within himself.  It appeared that all the anxieties I knew from my family where swirling around ‘ in there’ and that this being was simply not able to synchronize with presence, his body and presence in a stable way, in a focus without an interference causing a huge effort to get himself to focus here. 

Having such a ‘ thought’ about this, and this was before desteni , is overall telling. Why do I not trust such a thing? And why can I not see my own details that yet lack details? And why not stand up and say this! Why not trust myself enough to speak up as this? In all common sense we are physical BIO- LOGICal forms, and within my sense of a LACK of an ability to FOCUS as what I see, I am basically telling myself, revealing to myself, what is actually happening to the being in space and time. How is it that what is so obvious is ignored? I mean, if I can sense water getting hot to make tea, for example, or if I can sense a change in barometric pressure, or if I can feel the bite of a tick, why the fuck can I not sense the movement and flow and focus of another human being? Of course I can, as the very nature of what and who I am as the same physical information as this world around me. The only thing that would stop this, is information counter to this, said again ad again and again, that I would begin to FOLLOW that would be counter to what the FUCK I AM! What do we think the whole “ Plato’s wall” and  the Machiavellian construct of voicing blame and spite as dis- SENT as information is and does? The math of separation is VISIBLE and all around us!  In so many ways, it is actually not a rocket science, or, one could say we are the most perfect of mechanisms to sense the science of the physical around us. And why? Because we are of the same stuff! 

An act of seeing ONLY the lack, and not also realizing the means of change out of that lack, in tandem with the behavior of calling out that lack ONLY, is a distraction of looking at the self - that self that has an innate ability to realize when something in this physical realm is out of synch, is out of harmony, is out of real presence, as out of FOCUS HERE.  To ignore, or reject, or not use this sensibility as who and what we are, and to ONLY point out that lack - is that same sensibility being used, which means a sensibility exists! It is an admission of what we are, it is only that it is being MISS-used. 

If one focuses ONLY on a resonant belief that was accepted and recited or used again and again, and FOLLOWED as that resonant belief within,  which is a practice of and as following something instead of using an innate sense, which is a rejection of the self as life - life being a natural sensibility - then one becomes out of synch with this reality. This is something that no one can blame on any one or thing around them. And it can only be self corrected. This is a resonant entity, it is a MINED CON-SCIENCE. One has become and practices a consciousness of separation.  The subconscious being the foundation of the parents being the same, and the unconscious this of the overall system, all accumulations as ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in separation as a focus on LIMITED information accepted and allowed. This is, in other words, not a rocket science. The degree to which one cannot realize this, is the degree of one’s separation. It is visible in how much one projects the limited storied information onto objects around one, instead of standing within what is natural and innate, which is the ability to sense the whole and the parts, that ‘ nagging ‘ sense that something is out of whack, that each and every one of us has as who and what we really are. 

If one does a discipline, such as performing with an instrument, in a group, it begins, over time, to become obvious when one is not in synch with the group and begs the question as to what is causing this out-of-synchness. The only thing that can block this, is within the self. One must ask the question as to what is blocking the focus ? One must listen to the body to realize what it is that is blocking the focus. What I noticed was that a part of me was focusing on, my children, when they were  younger- for example. I had to learn to let one thing go, in the space for the moment that I was in, and focus on where I was. A consequence of this, after I had realized this, was that then chancing from the one to the other, was in itself challenging. This revealed to me that I was sluggish within myself, but in common sense I should be able to do this, as this was actually being mature ( as the terms I used and learned within this discipline).  This, overall, is being a master of self, and creating a self. Yet, overall, this begged another question as to why any resistance to something was not realized for what it was, and why our system did not take this into consideration and even used this for gain, through forcing beliefs, and dis-allowing this to live in synch with this reality and how this all works! How many times has one realized that past actions were not what was best, and has shame for such actions, not wanting to go back and correct them? How many times have we wallowed in such, defining ourselves as such, using this very limited piece of a movement, to define ourselves to make ourselves ‘ better’ within a bubble of realization, instead of moving beyond this into realizing the moving parts within the whole, in relation to all of this? It is an indication of having lost a focus on the whole, which means one has an embedded resonance that has become larger than reality, that is what is distracting the self from being who and what we are by capacity, into sensing mis-takes of and as our state of being, in relation to an innate ability to SENSE, to be in COMMON SENSE of the overall movement and expression of this LIVING REALITY around us that is the same as us. This reality, as the physical is a beautiful design. We are the means to understand and create.  We need only recognize the resonant ghost of mis-information through limited story accepted and allowed as reality, yet not ourselves standing within ourselves as who and what we really are. And, in a sense, all of our actions are us wanting to ultimately be in synch with this reality, because it is who and what we really are as this is the means of us being in living expression. 

Just look at all the dogmas of self definition, based on environment and culture, the dogmas of religion and politics, ask yourself if these things lend life expression. Hold your breath, focus on those values and see if they can ultimately sustain you, or if what sustains you is BREATHING.  This means that the PHYSICAL trees are necessary, or supersede any inner BELIEF system. Thus, what is ultimately real? 

An interesting thing happened those years I was performing with small groups. As I started to sort this out within myself, to realize what I was doing within myself, I had people come up to me and say to me that I had a lot of PRESENCE on stage.  I looked at this, with surprise and self interest, as I did that of which I speak, and did not relate this to what I was sorting out and realizing within myself. Yet, as I become more a master of myself, within my self, in relation to what I was doing, that focus improved and people noticed it. 

What also happened, is nasty comments also came to me. It appeared as an  out-of-context statement. I would react, yet also, had experienced a sense of myself knowing when I was in synch and present, meaning I knew when I was in focus, what I had not rehearsed enough etc. to know that no one could really know what I was being but myself. This was enough to begin to know the difference between supportive criticism and just simple nasty criticism. 

Supportive criticism opens doors, as though it defines what one already senses, and is very clear- meaning one sees it immediately and is thankful. Nasty criticism usually makes no sense, and confuses. And yet, I know very good players who have a hard time between the two, which is an indication of not being in synch in itself- but that is within the individual. 

If I can sense this, and this is something that is known, it means that that same sense in the self, is alive and present. The ability to sense the different colors of this, overall substantiates what is innate within all of us, as who and what we are, as living beings that are physical, and can sense the most subtle of things, down to seeing, realizing and understanding when we face an autistic person, that what is happening with that person, is a serious state of being out of synch with reality, with this physical reality. 

This means that it is probably a cause of a number of things, that we have allowed pollutants in our environment from NOT LOOKING, and we have allowed a resonance of NOT LOOKING, that is causing what we are to be out of synch. We are therefor creating physical discord with reality within and as what we are placing as a math of separation, as a measure of separation as what we hold within us, that is of limited information, to inform the physical. It is , if we LOOK , as what is natural to what and who we are,  the cause of so much out-of-synchness in our world today. We are moving against life. Yet we are, as the very nature of ourselves and the physical, as what is natural, the ability to move in synch with creation, as the physical reality that is life that is all around us. 

On the world stage, it appears to me, that the bully of the media and certain institutions we have collectively allowed and as men, because the power is in the numbers, as men composing the system - it appears to me, that just as a nasty person realizing in contrast to a noticeable presence, attack and try and force a limitation to hide a reality. This behavior in itself screaming a separation from self, not wanting anyone to see that that self has rejected itself as life, and moving to attack anything that exposes its separation, and/or in many ways, a crying out of separation, as the practice of separation is all that is known, and all the expression of the entity knows how to be. So is it with some of our present systems, such as the CDC and the whole vaccine scenario. it is like it is screaming its demise, trying to hold onto something that is being exposed, and instead of LOOKING, does everything in its capacity to continue a false narrative. Thus, the movement of lack, in the overall system, behaves the same as what I experienced in my life in relation to movements and expressions around me. Thus, it is  a pattern, recognizable, and of a measure, or math in this reality, visible and understandable within its accepted and allowed state of being. We individuals are no different. Such patterns can only exist within small measure, as a separation is a loss of presence, and only able to hold a chaos of no real self directive capacity- which is visible in its lack. If we take the time to look, can we not see the actions of institutions being that scared accusatory voice that uses hyperbole as limited value judgements that have no real clear description and directive practical measurable steps that open awareness, that point out where one is, with clarity and then give a measure that appears to voice just what one was seeing but was only on the cusp of calling out by name with clarity in the moment and therefor incredibly thankful of the clarity that defines effective practice that is a joy in and as self discovery into real self creation? The difference between the two is HUGE, and visible, if one takes the time to really LOOK.  This ability is the capacity of who and what each and everyone of us is as life. It is time that we create ourselves as life, which means to stand in the image and likeness of this practical and physical and visible reality. We all have moments where we realize this. We need only LOOK here. Breathe. 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.

Romanticizing a relationship Day 761

It is interesting how I am drawn to look at certain things, while at the same time not seeing what is right in front of me that I am telling myself. 

What I have been focused on is processing speeds, as being able to do the math, within the patterns as words, that describe, lol de-scribe , the focus of myself.  I can’t see what is in plain sight, as I am so focused on the pictures and the story that there is not reflection within the whole, as this living reality.

I am a series of relationships, as values, that I hold, to project an idea, which is how the mind works as a web of separation from this practical and physical reality. That is just it. This point that the relationship of values, is the composition of who and what I am as a persona, just as creation is a relationship of values, and just as another as the same, is a relationship of values. Just as I have focused on the constructs of words, and just a s a soap opera is built, so is this the same in what is here, whether in division or in equality to what is real, as the physical. Therefor, I am focusing on an innate understanding of this, taking it apart, and yet not seeing the forest through the trees. On one level, what I am drawn to, is exposing what I am realizing, yet I have gotten so caught up in the idea only. This causes anxiety, as though I am juggling and the balls are getting ahead of me, because I have not remained grounded. 

I also realize that listening to others is very important, to see the patterns, as a math, as a series of relationships that build what I call a scream that is ultimately a longing to be whole. I remember being 12 and being obsessed with this. I wanted to understand the scream, so it is a theme I carry with me, that can also become a distraction, as it is a relationship between values that I have allowed myself to hold. I believe this is probably true of everyone, if they make the choice to look, as the means of separation from being focused and present in the practical is the same. In the stories of information as a series of relationships is both the longing for self and the sequences that separate the self from the real presence of self in awareness, as a focused respect of life, as the physical. 

To jump here, to remembering the death of my husband, I relive the sadness of this, remembering that a part of me thought that a great beauty was lost in his death. And, at the same time the impossibility of realizing why this was not lived. How could this come to  be extinguished? Since this was what I was projecting, this was really myself. What I projected outward was what I was seeing within myself. And to note, that the support of the people around me, after his death, were, to me, these words that did not describe the whole picture. I got to the point where I did not want any pity, and I dd not want to hear supportive statements of regret because they were in no way solving the problem. 

When I allow only the thoughts of and as ‘ there being a great beauty’ and ‘ it is impossible’ to realize this, to sort this out, there is also the voice within me, for as long as I can remember as ‘ NO, this cannot be so.”  My family made fun of this part of me, that person that did not have the answer yet often said in frustration, that what was accepted simply could not be so. I, after all these years on this planet, simply will not give up. 

I can focus on these inner billboard signs as idea, and use them like a life jacket, in a moment, yet the motivation of and as “ this cannot be so’ as the positive, and the negative sense as a form that this is impossible, and that a beauty has been lost as a superiority of and as a good, are forms that can take my focus, and distract me from being simple and normal and present in this reality. This is what and how a mind consciousness works. It is a math, as a sequence of forms as beliefs, opinions and ideas that can become a thing, better known as an idol, that distract from being present and in equality to life. Meaning, one is so present, one has no value judgements, one is practical and in focus on the life. One is in a relationship with all things, understanding their expression in form and function. It is really very simple. The mind exists within stories of good and bad, right and wrong, rise and fall, protagonist and antagonist, antecedent and consequence. Limited, narrowly framed, bound. Nothing to do with balance of sound in form and function. This demands seeing towards creation.  Look at ordering something, it is merely placing things into an order. 

In all, this persona of and as these things, is myself focusing on a lack, and not being here - really listening to this reality. To accept the physical as reality, this life, in expression, would mean I would have no fear of death, because in essence, being here, with this reality as life in expression would mean that there really is no death. It just means listening to here, moving with and as here, as the physical.

Taking things for granted and the smallest of movements Day 727

Taking things for granted and the magic of the smallest of movements.

One of the things I realized in my journey of playing the violin was at the end, withiin a degree of mastery, the importance of remembering the smallest of movements as being the means to the end.

What does this mean?

I had learned to play, and allowed this to become automated, meaning I took what I did for granted and, in a way, lost myself within what I did. I could not catch up to myself- even within other influences being present of my own acceptance.

I had to basically, go back and re-invigorate myself into the smallest of movements, those tiny tiny little itty-bitty measures. I had to remember them, acknowledge them, which really did not take much time, it could be done in a flash, yet this form of constant cross - reference sustained an awareness that could become automated and as such taken for granted.

This revealed that the smallest of movements, was in deed, the means to the end. Therefor, the smallest became the biggest in importance, and the most satisfying, as that tiny movement was the means to show the greatest subtly, it was as though the smallest gave license to the widest range of expression.

I can understand why masters of disciplines revel in the small, and understand that teaching the smallest of movements, that a person may believe to have no real context - because they have not yet mastered the context - would see small practices as not making any sense. Yet, the smallest is the most precious, because it is the means to the end, in having control within something, as it is the starting point to sense and direct.

I look at this in relation to parents in our present society construct. I have a young dog, who has spent a lot of time playing with water. It appears that he revels in sticking his nose into a bucket of water, again and again and again. He still does this from time to time, yet it is not as intense as it was. For me, it is as though, he revels once again in a past discovery, enjoying the small.

Parents, in our society, tend to forget the small and the awe that a child has in discovering the quality and nature of something, be it water, or an object etc. Where a parent might be folding clothes, teaching a child to order their clothing etc. a parent may do this in a limited time frame in accord with the parent’s idea of how long something may take. The child may come across a piece of fabric, they have never experienced, and may want to take that fabric and revel it. This would play out with the child slowing down, running their hands on the fabric, throwing it into the air, running through the room with it, etc., all in discovering of how this fabric moves, feels, floats, falls, lands, buckles etc, And the child revels in the nature and discovery of this movement, the tiny movements that fabric makes as it interacts in its motions with the environment.

Yet this movement in discovery, does not fit into the parents ideas, and time frame. And, the parents no longer remember the discovery of the small, the joy of the small that builds understanding about and of the nature of reality as the things within it. They have taken this for granted, move in automation and assume the child will suddenly have the sense that the parents have (or never had the opportunity to have, perpetuating a lack of real development!).  Thus, the parents are running on automatic, and become irritated when the child does what is natural and what is necessary to revel in the small, to build a sense of reality- those really small movements that show how things by their nature move in this reality. Those small things that are the details that build this reality- an ignorance of and as creating a person who lacks awareness of how this reality functions leading to a person who lacks real processing of in-formation in ways that they can create, from the smallest of means to an end in any real time goal setting and the necessary steps towards creating.  

Ironically, as masters of things realize, that it is the smallest of movements that are the means to the end, and therefor the starting points that are what is used, in the end, to build the expression.  I mean, have a look, how does one learn a new language? Does one not start with noticing the smallest of sounds, the most subtle of movements, and is not mastery of this the means to the end? Therefor, the small is the means of empowering the self in effective and clear ways!

In some ways, the very design of reality is perfect in form. As the children ( or pets ) come to remind us of the small, to move us into mastery of this world, of this life. Thus, it is important to realize that the presence of the starting point, as realizing the small, as that child, is a gift to and towards self mastery. How awesome that what is here, is the means to the end! We need only slow down and take the time to revel in the smallest of things, as they are , in the end, the means to the end!

The shadow of the mind Day 704

For some reason this morning a memory is coming up of an afternoon when my one son had returned home from school. I stood there listening to him when suddenly I said to him, ‘ your teacher is in you.’ I could see the color/nature/signature/presence/outline/measure/quality/persona of my son’s teacher in him, like a cloud, around him, as him. I knew his teacher I had spoken with her many times. This has to be second grade, as she was his second grade teacher. 

I also, realize this presence around me of writing in the morning. Because it is a family holiday, I have stopped my regular patterns, and for other reasons, hence, I am seeing my own ‘ clouds’ of habituated patterns stopping and the presence of them here.

Also, in my life, I have purposely changed up things I have done on a regular basis with the purpose of, initially, getting out of set ways of doing things. For example, for a while I had a small tv on my kitchen counter which I would use to watch the news while cooking dinner. I started to get caught up in watching a show that would come on, inevitably after the news, at the end of my nightly cooking and extend the time watching tv past the cooking. One day, I realized what I had done, and took the TV away. Maybe the solution was to turn the tv off after the news, yet, I had also been reading this periodical on politics etc. for about three years, and noticed that instead of being informed I was becoming righteous about what information I had accepted and allowed in the bias of the perspective of the periodical. Thus, I stopped reading that periodical and watching the news, and started to investigate other perspective. This was when I could the same articles posted on both sides, with a few words changed. How had I missed this?

In all, I find that changing what I have turned into a scheduled habit can show me where I have become stagnant, and where I am not aware of what I am doing.

Thus, this change in pattern of late, and this memory coming up, is a reminder of how absorbent I am as what I am as a human being.  It makes it more clear that I can really only be here, and that i must with every breath, bring myself here, to become a reflection, so to speak, of being here, and to realize that I can so easily become a colored bubble stagnant in belief, opinions and ideas. Reflecting what I have allowed, that becomes a persona, and reflecting the measure another person who becomes the same as what it is that I speak, can make communicating with another, and problem solving very difficult. And I can see where a perpetual broadcast system, known as our media, whose space is bought by a few, who have allowed us to believe that not only do we take out loans to build value as living, but also charge us with interest to utilize that loan, thereby siphoning all monetized labor ( my understanding and way of saying this at this point) into the hands of a few, who then broadcast a limited story ( the parts not all bad) again and again, in self interest,  to the point where the story ( measure ) is believed to be a truth, just as I did in getting caught up in a limited story that I began to be righteous about until I investigated more words produced by this same system only to find that the same forms were being processed with changing a few words, to keep a system of conflict in place as a distraction from realizing the Machiavellian means now a tech soap box called the media! Me Dia, my god, my structure of following a limited story that is all I can see and thus what must be real, and that I use to entertain me, like a business in a narrow focus, where i do not even want to know what it is that I do not know because it would mean that I have to step off of my hamster wheel, and I might hurt myself!   The idea of jumping off the running train of thought that I define myself as, means that I might bump my knee! And I am so busy running around in this persona within myself that I can no longer see what is real, as the physical right here, hidden by my own acceptances and allowances by that absorbent ability that can be used to sense a mode of operation and take that which is good and relate it to what I really am which is a physical absorbent state of being. Okay, that was a long sentence! lol

Interesting enough, what legend am I leaving behind for my children? What am I passing down to the next generation? I mean the bible says that the ‘ sins of the father’s stands for seven generations” That is a math, one that substantiates this sense that I have of breaking patterns and remembering a moment when I had a sense that my son’s teacher was ‘ in him’ as I could sense the color of her around him. I mean, how does an animal sense something out of place? How do they see what is not readily visible to our naked eyes? Is it not the same thing?

Can we not see that what we accept within can become like a blue print at the exclusion of what is real as the physical, AND that this can be used on the self interest of a few? And, that we are the same as those few if we do not realize this? Because in effect, we are doing the same thing?

This begs the question as to what you, yes you a parent or a person in this state of being, are leaving or imprinting to projecting onto others? Are you as a parent enough for any child, if you believe that you ‘ know’ what the real score is? You are not enough, not even I am enough, because I have not realized how all of this works, no one taught me. And who am I going to blame? Am i going to blame the dead of seven generations back? That would be like existing as Plato’s wall, taking to a bunch of shadows of belief on the wall of my mind, or like believing the emotional fire walls generated within me, that ‘ persona thing my sons was generating in second grade” as being more real that simply being here, physical, in this reality that held that projection. Take the physical away and the projection no longer exists. Yet is can resonantly exist and be passed down from generation to generation. Look around and see if this earth is living in a balanced and respectful manner towards efficient use of the physical. Obviously it is  not. 

What is the disease in our children, growing in numbers every day? Would we call them attention deficit dis-orders. Is the idea of a ghost in the machine really such a stretch of any imagination?  Are we bulling an incorrect use of the imagination onto reality, an imperfect practice? Look, we all realize we need to get back to nature, we all sense this so we know the answer. Yet there is a bully impulsing a false picture show that will continue if we accept and allow it. And it does not want to die! Just think of all the jobs that are based on supporting the lack, or the limitation of this projected picture show.  All these jobs that are really an administration of this false contract that races like a train and is so caught up in a narrow focus that is of shadows and painted by projected electrical and magnetic lights that what is real appears to not exist! There is a reason why within the word administrator there exists the sound admitted traitor! 

I also ask myself why I had not learned to ‘ read’ the ghost in the machine and define it, to take that which is good and does no harm. I mean if I can see it, and people in time have described such things as ‘ shadows on the wall’ then I cannot be alone in realizing this, everyone must have the means to do this, as this would be the means of life, to use imagination to test how things move, to asses and investigate before actually taking action and bringing something into creation, into physical form. And would this not make it obvious how much this could be used in self interest?

Is it not ironic how there is a fear of talking about ghosts in our cultures? And is it not ironic how we have even within this talked about how deceased friends, lover and family members have come to visit us? is it not obvious that that ghost in the machine is of one’s own making based on how the machine, as our physical absorbent ability works?  We are allowing a mumbo jumbo, paranormal, metaphysical existence generated from within ourselves to appear to be more real that what is real as the physical, and the signs of it are all around us; how this is used, and how we, each one, is serving this because in effect we fear to live, we fear to use this tool to create!

It really is time to stand up and speak of this point blank, to say this directly to one another, to tell stories of the outcomes of such shadow chasing, and to realize that none of us are enough to build a structural foundation in the children to come because we adults are the product of this same system. The children and ourselves ( with a lot of cross reference)  to must allow ourselves the means to realize the shadows passed down via imprint and sent as messages via a televised system, to enable each the means to be grounded and effective in seeing the ghosts and where they are at, and what is real, as the physical, at the same time. Just look at how a person can instantly memorize a sequence of moves to solve a rubric’s cube and then do the sequence blind folded! That is the means to the end, and a reflection of our capacity as life! 

Those who only see the limitation and lack, without realizing the potential in the machine of a human being, are so separated from potential that they cannot be trusted to guide anyone! In effect, it is not what we do it is who we are within what we do. The structures are not the problem, it is who we are within what we do. We cannot be afraid to point this out, to describe the means of lack and give direction in the necessity to always ground and reference physical reality.

An economic system that does not give each the means to take the necessary care of being physical, is a crime against life. For this reason, our economic system must change. And, parents must realize, that because of the consequence of this system, they are not enough for the development of their children, yet they are the one’s responsible for what character as development in processing what is within and what is without and what is here.

On another front, I have experienced grief. I realize that I was extremely vulnerable at that time. I did not realize how much I could become entrenched in the ‘ measures/ghosts’ of those around me, especially because I myself did not understand how this all works. I realize, with hind-sight that it took me the better part of five years to begin to see the difference between having lost everything and moving into a new form that in itself was another shadow on the wall system.  It is so easy to fall into something like this. The pressure from peers is very strong, especially within a system all around us that does not understand this. And yet, the principles behind this remain the same. And the means of sharing how this works and being careful in sorting this out, remain the same, as the structures that are here, that have proven efficacy within the test of time, are the means to the end. Here, what really matters is who we are within what we do. Many shadow chasers will not hear. And yet, in time, perhaps within a subsequent generation, this will begin to be realized, yet the acknowledgement of this must be continued to be expressed, again and again.  The shadows can run but they cannot hide because what is real is the physical.