Day 510 Blaming myself and realizing there is no quick fix. Self Forgiveness and Corrective Application

I am looking at two past events, where I was told that my words were not the right ones to use, and another event where i was told that my words were not to be listened to because I was brainwashed, which means what I was saying as words, as tactics, was disruptive.

Within this, I notice a huge self blame moving within me.  And a self righteousness. 

And then a memory comes up of my parents arguing. They are throwing words at one another, and then they suddenly turn to me, and I look at them and say, " you are both saying the same thing, but using different words." This was not what they wanted to hear, and thus, just went back to arguing. 

So, this last time as the words of blame came towards me, I still reacted, but was able to some extent, see my reaction, and just slow down. Within this, I realize I still want to react in protection and self defense and push back in blaming the other for not understanding. I also feel inferior because perhaps it is me, I don't know how to speak, or so I believe. I take the reaction of the other as a threat. I am not immediately understood, and if we look at our present consumerist/entertainment/ all -manner-of-drugs society, we have accustomed ourselves to immediate fixes. Even our medical system is known to stop a symptom but not to address what would cure long term. 

So, if I am busy being this emotionally within, how can I slow down and look at what is built as the words used, and begin to move them, into understanding? To realize tactics towards  problem, solution and thus reward. I am not addressing what might or might not be an explanation that is clear, instead I am protecting myself from accusation that is in itself not slowing down and equalizing understanding. Within this, there is only here, being equal to what is that which enables existence, which is physical reality, thus solution can only be that which does no harm, that which is what is best.In this one can only communicate and reach understanding in physical practical ways, realizing that there is no magical thinking that can solve, only step by step practical movement into equal understanding of how the physical world functions and this, in ways that take that which is good and does not harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself., to become self blame

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making a mistake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot be understood.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that  blame is self not wanting to change, which means blame is self not wanting to accept self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered less than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a less than, there is only solution within and as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see ,realize and understand that because of accepting and allowing blame, " less than's " have become an accepted paranormal behavior on earth, as there is only, equality and oneness to that which is the composition of life, which is the physical world, as the physical is the formation of life and as such must be respected as life, as a respect is only doing that which does no harm, and taking that which is good.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that animals do not overwhelm the earth, they work in tandem, as nature balancing themselves out in ways that maintain life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I alone cannot convince another person of life, as they must investigate what is here to see, realize and understand what is here on earth within the totality of creation, and asking one person to explain life is self wanting a quick fix, thus the solution is to walk self equal and one in understanding life in totality, as this is common sense.

When and as I find myself wanting to blame, reacting in righteousness as protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that in one aspect, while I remained calm, I explained in more than one way, and because I am showing a process, I get all manner of reactions from ego, and then I try and explain, and the resistance comes up as the mind of limitation, of knowledge and information trying to build an understanding as mind, which is impossible, and thus it is to remain in simplicity, in what will as a singular action, bring self into equality and oneness with and as life, which means being aware of how this physical world is moving as a system in separation at present, from life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting in self blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remain here, in walking myself equal and one to and with realizing a practical application of walking into equality and oneness to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself blaming myself here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I focus on the movement as the moment in front of me, and I practice walking equal and one as what is best for all, as what supports all life as that which is good and does no harm, here.

Day 339 Bring RIght Back to the Principle of Equality

What is this burning in my thighs? It is a moralistic righteousness. A possession as a sate of being in and as energy where I blame and spite, point the finger and become a “ want of justice”. None of this directs me here, moves me within practical solution here, it is like a Negation of one, a “non-one” as myself within being one with here, as realizingequality to here, as the movement of myself in expression here.
It is like the focus of myself within is limited, following venues, avenues taught, clinging to ideas lacking physical perspective/perception, missing movement and seeing a fixed state/statue based on self interest - this that is of fear of loss/doom and gloom- in a belief of powerlessness. This spiced up with quilt in not doing anything, a belief of being the lie of myself as what I am, rejecting the thing as me that moves that flows that forms and can change and direct, this that can remember in consideration of all life, holding a principle of what is best for all, to realign back into and as life, as what I am, clear and constant within this.

It is to forgive a fixation on what is “ right” within a system of limited values used to maintain a loss of self as life into a “constant” state of survival, a constant state of terror, as this is what a constant state of survival exists as, as it is a state of seeking and fear, it is a state of instability as the nature of what it creates. And I have accepted and allowed this within as myself, rejecting myself as an instrument of the sound and substance of life here, becoming the director of this gift as what I am, as life, as the principle of “ what is best for all” even though this wall on the wall in elementary school, a slogan placed on the wall, the truth right in front of me, where I did not stop and look at what supported this slogan, a wall, of bricks - more than likely- blocking the view of the physical earth, this earth right there, that which within interaction was the way and the means to practically, physically apply the principle of “ give as you would like to receive”, all of this a structure of elements not good or bad, but simply placed into a structure that is limiting, and thus has manifested a system that has not developed an earth where all life is constant as an expression of life, with ease, each part equal and yet one, being what is best for self, as what is best for all, the two self sustaining and constant as equality with life.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite, to not see, realize and understand that if I slow down and look at the parts as myself, I will see realize and understand that it is the formation of me, as me within that is in separation from myself as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I do not allow myself as life, to equalize with practical common sense of this physical world, and the needs of what is here as this physical world, considering what are the needs of myself as a physical body, in all simplicity and that this is what is needed for all, and stop and look at my own values I will see realize and understand that what directs me are values similar to what is sold and product developing as the ideas of the consumerist world, are what I believe will change me into what will enable attention and accolade, survival and social recognition, where i exist within a bubble of limited values that I then enter social scenarios with, and seek validation to see if I have correctly measured myself within the norm, where If I stop and I look this whole process means that I am my own creator and director and that I can take this same practice and align myself within and as what is best for all and consider all life, as what is here on earth equal and one to and as me, as being of the same substance.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I begin to moralize I must stop and look at how I am being what was taught, accept this and realign this within the principle of what is best for all, which means I must investigate beyond what I was taught, and see, realize and understand that my awareness was limited to include only certain values, and not extend itself as me, to how the present systems such as banking and government, politics and education, health and agriculture are in fact functioning on this earth, where one effects the other, and this within a system of profit in self interest as the terror of survival creates all of which is a separation from life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am right, to exist as a singular thought as myself as being “ right”, to become a state of righteousness.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a comparison machine, of values, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is being competition within survival as what has been taught, and not myself in common sense here, this is not myself realizing how I have become a walking belief that one thing is more than another, and/or that one thing should be done over another, to here stop and realize that how here works has to always consider the whole, be aware of the whole, to understand what is best for all, directly with the physical world in order to direct within and as what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how often I go into idea as mind only, and separate myself from life in this process.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this is in one way a taught anger, an angle - an angel of doom and gloom as outcome- within a bubble of belief as righteousness, and for this I forgive myself back into and as myself as a physical being, here, slow myself down, and breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a superstition of what is right and what is wrong, the parts not good or bad, but “ lego-ed” together in what supports in self interest within a system of survival, as mind as consciousness, in separation from physical equality and oneness, which means including the actual physical world as reference with every breath with every step, to align in equality and oneness practically, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my righteousness is a behavior of limited fixation onto limited parts, and the idea, image created becomes the directive as image in and as my mind, as consciousness, and thus a smoke screen allowing directives that allow behaviors of self interest in a bubble in and as the images in and as my mind, and not myself equal and one, with and as the physical here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the way out of this limited, design consciousness is to forgive the limitations and bring all of this back to self,, to realize the mind is life in a bubble in separation from here, from the physical, where myself as a human organic “ machine” of sorts has created an imaginary world around me as a bubble of energy, as a reflection of how i have accepted and allowed separation from equality and oneness to what is real as this physical world, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have behaviors of self blame, of self regret within and as realizing I had not realized what I am in totality here, where i cannot blame anyone as this is more of the same that created this in the first place, and that this has been going on for a very very long time, eons of time, thus to blame my parents, or the government, or the bankers, or my teachers etc. etc. etc. is not only not a solution in and as blame, but also not being and becoming what is myself as life, directing myself as life, realizing the physical is what allows equal and one being as what I am in equality to and as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am justified in being angry, as this anger is righteousness, and thus myself not facing my own shame for not having directed myself here as life, for allowing myself to judge myself as less than, as somehow negative as in not fitting in here, not seeing realizing and understanding how i was behaviors of comparison within limited means, and actions of competition to gain ascendency within the illusion as mind, a superstition placed onto reality, here, which I accepted and allowed as I became the present system for which I forgive myself and stand within and as realizing this system must be reformed through what has been developed, surrounded by many who have not realized how much they exist in separation as mind, from what is real, as this physical world, where if they knew what they were doing , they would stop immediately, and that it is a process to realize how as consciousness one walks in illusion, in separation from reality, from here, where all will be lost as mind only, and many of the values will remain, thus the change need not be as deathly as the mind appears to react as, as this is just the ideas as mind reacting in and as superstition as image in mind not wanting to lose in intensity, diminish in intensity, as this has been directing as a beacon of seeing light for so long, and the human physical body is acclimated to this to such a degree - even within its slow ( and sometimes fast) diminishment) that it appears as mind that this is all there is, this that leads to death, and thus is far away from birthing myself / self into being equal and one to and as the physical here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this being of myself as a moralistic righteousness is triggered by a shock of focusing away from here suddenly to and towards serving an idea wanting validation and reacting as protection and defense and then becoming indignant, justifying the disruption, as in a way this focus was in self interest as itself having no understanding of here in totality.