Day 590 Who I am within the culture of woman. Day 5 Self forgiveness and Self Correction.

Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.

I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define  can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out.  There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight”  And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens.  Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest  where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself  inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself  as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life  as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.

When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life,  built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.

When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.

When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the  value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.

Day 558 Moving " upon" the section of a group.

In looking at words and what memories come up, a thought and memory came up with the word ‘ upon,”  which means to be “connected with.” I read this word as up on, and then I was in a memory of sitting in an orchestra section and having the thought “ Move up on.” It was the idea that I had to move up, move forward, move upon the seating placements in front of me. That being forward had more value than where I was. The motivation to be more than what I was within a picture of one thing being more than another and defining me.

Such a movement is not good or bad, but being the motivation to appear to be more was a distraction from being what I was , where I was, and giving my attention to what I was doing. Having a thought, a judgement, was myself as mind paying attention to an idea within a structural belief of hierarchy, and not myself seeing the whole and the parts, realizing that in space and time, there really is no difference. And, to know, that when a section leader plays really loud as a means to leading, it is really annoying, because the sound of the group, the section, should be balanced, where it sounds as though it is one, all as one. So, each part is really equal, and it is only the illusion of one seat, placement being more than another.

This is also me competing, believing that I must compete to prove myself, where the proof of being present, in this scenario, is to perform in a way that joins each seat with the other so that the sound is stable, able to be heard and balanced, so the section can respond to the other sections of the group and as such, hear all the interplay, which is what is fun in playing anyway!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought ‘ I have to move upon”, as up-on the front of the section, becoming connected to the front of the section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being up on the front lines gives me greater value than being behind on the section in seating placement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect “ upon” with a personal value of myself in relation to society.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine myself being of greater value were I to be upon the front lines of the orchestral section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define value with my placement in a group, meaning I have more value if I am on the front lines of the group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to distract myself from paying attention to the whole in and as thinking that I would have more value on the “ front lines” of a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define upon within the measure of where i am from a limited perspective in and as being placed in a spot, in a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from where i am, to imagining where I should, or could, or would be, and what that imaginative idea would create as a value of what I would be defined as in separation from myself here, being equal and one to and as what I am doing and where I am here as being the value of life as what is real, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become such a thought as “ I have to move upon” to prove my self worth, and as this meta-physical idea, separate myself from seeing directly here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this one thought creates a sinking feeling from my head into my chest, where I become a self judgement of being this thought, that I am less than because of my position, and within this, creating a heavy feeling, occupying myself with an idea of more than and less than, and limiting my ability to grow and expand in awareness as my attention is on idea, instead of a focus of equal measure to and as practical reality, as it is only here than I can change, see, and equalize myself to practical actions that enable me to reach the full expression of and as myself as life, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought such as “ I have to move upon,” I stop and I breath, and I realize what values I am accepting and allowing to determine a definition of myself as a more than and/or a less than, and I slow down, and I see, realize and understand that the value is life, and that i am here, and that I can only move myself from here, from where i am, and that it is only from here, that I can hear what is here, as an idea in and as my mind, is just this, an idea, and not what gives me life, and enables me to direct and move, as i am here as a physical beingness, the way and the means of and as life, thus, what is real, where growth happens in thought word and deed is paying attention to here, to the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming an idea, as a thought, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, equal and one, breathing, to be in common sense of practical reality, looking at what steps I can take in one moment that direct me to the next step as this is the way and the means of life, as life in expression, as, in all common sense, life will.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotion of believing myself to be less than, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive the memory, as the thought, as the emotion being the accumulation of and as such thought, and I bring myself back to practical reality, to realize a common sense measure as the physical, and I become the principle of what is best for all, as that which does no harm and takes that which is good, to see realize and understand myself as life, here, equal and one.

Day 537 Going into Mind Consciousness Self Forgiveness

So much knowledge and information as what I have learned, as what I was taught to believe as how I measure this world, has me comparing and competing based on a limited framework of survival. The mechanism of the social contract accepted and allowed by men, where money determines one’s ability, one’s opportunity, and as such, one’s development. This happens by degree on so many levels, and as we are physically living in a relatively small circle, we get caught up in the immediate measure of our world only, and lose sight of the total structure of the world, the systems, the consequences in detail, about what is happening. And while we are in our daily lives, the apparatus of the world around us, as the system makes small incremental changes over time, and before we know it, as we see happening in America, the money system has shifted to one of extreme inequality.

Yet, this extreme inequality has been around for a very long time. Were it not then there would be no starving children. Since we have not taken care of the dis-ease, it has only grown. And this dis-ease has two forms, one of greed, and one of lack, one of excessive accumulation of money and goods, and the other side of this coin, children dying of starvation and environmental pollution.

This coin, of extremes, the consequential polarities the faces of this coin, are in total the limitation that in itself is a separation from common sense. And common sense is what is lost when we remain within small circles of understanding. This understanding ONLY in our immediate environment, without being responsible for what is happening all over this world.

This is really why the only solution is the realization that we are all equal in substance, because it will allow a respect for the whole, the full potential of an innate common sense that at the moment has only been trained to look at the immediate environment instead of this immediate environment and the events and movements going on around this world as a measure of what life as earth is.  Each part of this environment is connected to the one next to it, thus it is all connected. Our common sense is to be equal to the measure of the physical and its expression. Our words must be equal to a clear, living, measure of here, where we can then begin to see the patterns and thus form of not only what we have allowed within, but also, that which is the physical in expression, as this is the way to equality with what we are as life. The chaos of the mind, in a measure of very limited value judgement, as an idea that one thing is more than another, is very limited.

So, when I realize I have gone back into a limited awareness as the information in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I notice how I am moving. Am I comparing, am I existing as definition about another, in relation to myself, which means I am defining myself, judging myself in a bubble, based on taught criteria so I don’t fall into the extreme as the side of the coin of poverty and starvation. I see where I am fearing to lose opportunity, and or believing I have to defend some accusation that would limit me as a definition,  and realize that this in total is not what I am here. I exist on a physical planet, that is life in form, as this is how life would be, and I look here, in common sense, which is the principle of what is best for all, and realize that limitations cannot define me, so to let them go, and stand here. ALone. I mean, if I cannot create and interact with others in ways that allow communication and understanding in ways that are at ease, where there is security and trust, I am wanting another to be responsible for me, to accept my limited and as such unstable response, the asking for the state of being not equal to here. If I can’t be responsible for myself here with certainty, then how can another be responsible if they end up carrying my lack of responsibility? As the form of what we are here as humans, the only choice is to allow the full potential of each to stand as such, because this is how we each become responsible. And as this is a physical world, what is needed to be responsible, such as clean water, education, opportunity, shelter, food - solid food, the absence of such is us not looking at what we are in common sense. And if we are not existing in common sense then we become separated from that which allows us to simply be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I go into mind, and begin to compare instead of look here at the common sense of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from a common sense of here, into and as a very limited system of values, where I warp into an idea of a good and a bad, a loss and a gain, begin to compare, and compete, in ways that are protection and defense, instead of looking at the measure of the actual physical world that enables me to exist as life, and remeasure what exists as the whole, remediate to balance out the extremes of lack, as starvation, poverty, environmental degradation, limited insight from a lack of education and opportunity for development, to see, realize and understand that the very measure of the physical world as what I use to look here, has to slow down and breath to return to a sense that is a constant in all things as life and consider all things, that are the same as myself , of the same substance of and as life, and realize in thought , word and deed what would allow all men to stand in understanding of the whole, and in self responsibility for the immediate physical environment, to become a #waveofaction that withstands the test of time and builds an earthly existence that is in balance, realized in actually living on this planet where no matter where one went, the basic needs of every person was met, and as such, an earth that is living its full potential.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that where I live and what I live in defines me, as myself as an American, where this is extremely limited, as there are those who live in extreme poverty, and have no moment to self discover in dignity themselves as life in full potential.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I  compare myself to another, it is for me to slow down, to stop and to breath, and to realize the pattern of limited beliefs in separation from common sense of physical life formation and look at what is here and how what decisions I make can only be made in ways that are best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I find myself going into imagination to rebuild instead of remaining here, equal and one to and as the physical world as this is the real formation of and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not equalize myself to and as the physical, to become a sound mind awareness of and as the actual real physical world that is me, as I am it, as this is the very formation of life, here.

When and as I find I am no longer breathing I slow myself down, I look to what imagination, held tight, fleeting, I accepted and allowed, and I bring myself here, equal and one with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself fearing to lose some self definition based on a limited value system, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that I can only be here, face what is directly here, and as such, to answer to here, which is to be responsible to here, the limited values in and as my mind, built in separation from a consideration of all life are an extremely limited measure of here and I see realize and understand that as such I separate myself from my full potential in and as life, here.

When and as I find myself allowing an emotional/feeling self definition, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the thought as an aspect of reality in judgement based on what is an idea only about one thing being more than another, and I stop and I breath, and I balance this into common sense of practical physical reality, within and as what would be best for all, as what would allow the full potential of life to exist.

When and as I find myself comparing myself to an idea, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that values I believe will define me for better or worse as idea, and I attend to the emotions and feelings and the beliefs that define them, and I see realize and understand that such cannot withstand the test of time as what is best for all, as what allows the expression of life to exist as the very sound of life information, that works in ways that do no harm, as this is the way and the means as the measure of life here.

DAY 529 The drama of ego upon structure.

I had a talk with my son today and he said that he learned to remain calm and follow the structure of a process and in so doing he ended up being an exemplar in his responsibility. What he noticed was the ego game going on around him, the others making things into big issues and competing to be important. In the end my son realized that drama so-to-speak going on around him and how unnecessary it was. In all, I have to say that that “ drama” is a form of entertainment also.

The conversation started because I had talked about how I had realized this within the music profession. The same ego dramas happen. Clicks start with a peer group, and the combat begins. But what I noticed, even when I fell within this, that the one’s participating within the competition and need for recognition, did not have the capacity to remain consistent in their playing, and within myself, remaining within the structure of the music foremost, I moved up to the front, and began to remain there consistently.

Still, I find myself allowing uncertainty when the competition comes in with spite and off putting accusation of blame etc. If someone feels that another is a threat, they attack with little measures of things. But then again, ego is a little measure of things. lol

In all, this is about how I continue to react to competition that attacks, even when I have faced objections and walked them into a structure that calms the reaction. 

Now I have to go and face some people, walk with them for a moment. I find myself having some dread, but I realize that this is a lack of structure, I am looking at myself becoming inferior to here, as it is here that I am the director of my own executive function  and that I can move myself as a working memory if I have scripted the simplicity of what I am about in regards to the principle of what is best for all.

 It reminds me of seeing a man who turned into a demon, where the demon part was the emotional storm, and that storm seemed of no substance, so I realized that this man could have no effect on me unless I allowed it, and that behind that projection was that man, who was kind, and gentle, confused and lost. So, when I talk with others, I know this is there, because this is the nature of life, this is an innate desire to participate with the total fabric of this actual physical world that is the structure of life that enables the expression of life, and that it is the awareness of how we are also physical beings and not only a mind that imprints an understanding of physical reality  and that it is this function through which we are controlled and that ends up creating a projection instead of the equality to here, with ease, that is that which we seek. Thus, do I face the storm, to reach the joy, through walking the objections to here, using the principle of what is best for all as my constant, as this is the real “ angle mark” ( Spelling on purpose) Because, it is a mechanistic uni-verse of life expression that is a measure that the very substance that enables up to learn to crawl and walk and eventually talk,  that builds an executive function that is of a working memory that is equal to here in measure and precision and that that which builds is that which must remain in awareness to perpetually cross reference with that which enables awareness, which is the physical world.

It is interesting, because within the eyes of people one can see the fog, a layer of cloudiness and also the whole musculature of the physical in tension. And I suppose I see this because I have had to be aware of it within myself within playing the violin. I also notice that things come up in adults, and that this is not as thick in children. With a child one can reach a clearness at time, greater than with an adult. And all of this helps me to realize that within and as me there is a fog, and it sets me shaking ever so slightly. This is where I allow myself to become inferior to here. I am no longer at ease. And I realize that my lack of ease, is a belief in a constant protection and defense for survival. The irony is that I cannot survive all, because the all that is here as the physical, is how I exist, so if I eliminate others I eliminate myself, thus the only solution is to face the projection, as belief, opinion and idea, the sins of the fathers as the key board of DNA where such has been passed on because it has not been cleared by the collective of men on earth, it has not been equalized to that which enables life, which is the physical. It is as though we men, have been given the gift of creation and we have abdicated that gift because we held the object more precious that the formation allowing the act of creation as being the real value. Our real museum is the physical world around us, where we are the muses, creating life in expression as the physical.

Day 460 and 461 Peer Pressure from Grade School to Work Environment

In the last week I have been thinking about what it is like to be in school, especially grade school. As a child and as an adult working with children. The peer pressure. 

I recently talked with a group of teachers, who are, a peer group in essence. I realize that the same pressures exist even at this level. We all have this peer pressure, in groups of people being paid at a job. The peer pressure in a musical group is the same. A lot of competition goes on. Each person weighing and measuring one another, essentially being in fear that someone else is going to get attention or recognition, or that promotion. As my children went through school, sometimes I even encountered this with teachers. For example, one time there was a field trip and the teacher who did not have her students for the class because they were away for the day an the filed trip for another class, were held responsible for the time missed. This teacher even said she felt that the other classes going on field trips was unfair because her subject, or so she believed, did not lend itself to field trips. 

Imagine our children in a school with this going on.

If one child is worrying about what someone thinks about them because they fear losing some imagined status based on some societal morality then how are they going to learn, be able to focus on what they are learning?

If we learn what we do, meaning if we take in our environment and accumulate experiences that then define our character, would such a child not grow up having learned this fear? And then, unless this is cleared up, would this not continue in the work place?  IN essence it is a hall of mirrors as oneself comparing oneself to others incessantly based on values of what is proper and not proper, an thus what is right and wrong and thus what is more than and less than. And some ideological idea is directing and this, if one chooses to really look, is ambiguous to put it mildly. Let the rotating spinning mirrors of memory match begin because this is what is going on. If we take the time to look at ourselves, will we find that what we chase has any real validity, as the total play of this, which begins in elementary school?  And does this so consume our living that we miss actually directing ourselves in ways that support that potential we can all see in our children? No, this behavior does not support us. And it does not support our children, and our children become what is placed before them in this world. And so the game goes around and around and around. And so involved in this are those who live where this spins, that realizing what is happening in this world is ignored. Here I want to think of the word GREED and the “G” and the word “ reed” as in this total formation of us as self into these survival behaviors, is each of us “REED”ing ego, the separation into a lesser self as an enegy dissipating non-looking state of being in measure as judgement instead of directive support of the physical life around us in ways that support expression and understanding of this world to a full potential as all life on earth being at ease and in joy of life, instead of this combat that we are allowing ourselves to exist as, that I am pointing out within the peer pressure in groups. 

If one is busy being this, being this reactive behaviors that are in essence a fear of loss based on some ambiguous idea, how can what is actually happening within what is being done be realized fully? If our attention is divided, and the division of our attention is on ambiguous ideas how can we be paying attention to what is actually happening in this world. And is this behavior not one of fear? Fear being that feeling of vertigo, that fear of loss, that ominous presence that blinds and causes us to say things we know are lies, we know are in self interest, we know are petty spiteful constructions as our focus that cause discord more than any real solution in a way that is supportive to the environment in total. IN all common sense how is this peer combat beneficial?  

I guess the real question is, if you were surrounded by your peers would you openly admit to having acted in such ways? Probably not, because you fear your peer using this against you at another time. To admit that we have been spiteful is to admit that we have been weak. And we do not want anyone within our work environment to know this because why? I mean why do this? what purpose does this serve other than a fear of losing something? Even if someone points out that we are all doing this, we kind of want that person to disappear because our fear is so great that even admitting it at work, is seemingly deadly. 

Now, you are at home and surrounded by your children, and you have this “ energy” within you. Do you not think that this is being picked up by your children, these absorbent beings? Don’t you remember your parents being standoffish sometimes, or irritable? Both of these behaviors are not being clear, honest and supportive of what allows everyone to be stable and productive, absolutely focused here. And if we are not focused here then how is the measure, the real measure of our work? It cannot be all encompassing can it? No. And our children are imitating this because this is what is their environment and this is what children do, they pick up and become what is presented to them. So, the only choice is to be self honest. In the end each parent is responsible for their behavior, because the children will pick it up.

I had an adult friend that came to me and told me to not hide an event that happened in my life from my children. She had had the same event happen, and she was the child in the drama at the time. She said that for years she felt that something was being hidden, something was not being said, and that she spent time trying to find out what was not being said. The whole scenario confused and occupied her, and obviously did not lend any kind of understanding. None of this behavior lends itself to learning how to be clear and supportive of life here, as a physical world. It is more an act of moving around, determining our movement based on some “ if looked at” ambiguous idea that bears no witness to actual productive and supportive living.

And what is all this, a belief in a good and a bad, a belief that one thing is more than another. Such does not in the end see what actually exists, especially because it creates no stability. The attention deficit dis-order is not paying attention to the functioning of physical reality. I mean, the physical is how we are here, not that idea spinning around in one’s mind. This is why consciousness cannot exist without the physical world. We have placed the cart before the horse - so to speak.

So, we need to realize that our fears are unfounded, make no sense in a physical world that can be ordered to support us. It is our fear that has created only more fear, so much so that what has manifested is a system of division into ideas of one thing being more than another, when this is the illusion, as what is the gift is simply being an expression of life, here. Fear is a disconnect from the physical reality, as what works as the physical is the expression of life. As such, it is to become equal to the physical in thought word and deed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that a peer will call me stupid, or dumb, or reprimand me, not seeing realizing and understanding that any name I am called can be examined in common sense and either corrected within and as what would create absolute stability in and as a physical world that supports all life as the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need to fear my peers and what a peer might say about me, be it another kid in my class, or be it a colleague at work, or be it a boss, or be it a sibling, or be it an in-law.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that real competition is about supporting one another to become the best each can be as when each is the best they can be than all are the best they can be thus the only choice is to support all life to be and become the best it can be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need to fear the judgement of another, and within this to not stop and breath and realize that a fear of judgement is a fear of loss, thus there is always the solution to see, realize and understand the ambiguity of a fear of loss and to realize within this that the present system is a consequence of judgement as a fear of loss as a system built on ideas of a good and a bad, which is not a movement in consideration of physical substance as existence, that which balances life in expression because what works supports all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about being less than another, because in and as this, all development in a physical world is a process of walking the ordinary into the creation of being life here as what we are, thus it is the building of life from step by step ordinary steps into what becomes the gift, the extraordinary gift of life as physical beings, thus as we are all parts of the construct of sound as life as the physical the only choice is to be what is best for all as we are all of same substance as physical beings as life, thus the garden of eden was being life as physical expression of sound as life, from nothing to something, a movement into being, the only event that creates life, and so it is movement as from silence into sound as silence moving that builds as parts and become forms as the evolution of sound into form which builds step by step into a physical earth, and thus this is the gift, where each must realize that it is simply being here as physical form enabling each to be here, thus the petty judgements of a fear of loss are self in separation from life, into a polarity show having accepted and allowed a division from what is constant as the sound substance of life as the movement into being from nothing to something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that a belief in something being lost is myself in separation from myself as life and thus myself as common sense as life as the substance of what I am here, thus you are me, I am you, we are each other in another life, here, which makes our system of inequality a death sentence unless we stand and order this world into what realizes itself to be and become the joy of life as expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that allowing myself to fear judgement by my peers is myself inFEARior to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the judgement of another is an end game, meaning what is proclaimed is “ etched in stone” when that stone is composed of the substance of life, as life, and changes its form within a different rhythm and that that change is a process but remains the movement of life, and humans are the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a judgement is definitive not seeing realizing and understanding that life does not remain stagnant unless I accept and allow my past to define me here- my past present here as limited ideas taught which some would call a morality in a bubble, as what another judges me in and as is not a directive but just a statement that simply points something out in a moment thus the judgement does not define me as what I am as life, able to use common sense and within the principle of what is best for all give direction that is what establishes what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I become fearful I am in essence applying my own moral limitations taught from a competitive survival system that acts out through peer group pressure, and as such I am existing in supporting my own limitations which manifest as touting my own limitations, a form of resistance to changing my own limited consciousness that is in separation from and made larger than actual physical reality, and as this what I resist persists and consumes the very flesh of me as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be supportive of my own limitations through not directing my own accepted and allowed ambiguities back into common sense of physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my limitations are my own touted protection and defense mechanisms as belief as ideas, as myself resisting change, as I object as thought word and deed and bully this as reality fearing to see my own accepted and allowed limitations learned from day one, which must be seen as what I allow to define me that is in essence a separation from common sense, and as this i must realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a walking projection of limitation, and as this, I am walking in a community of walking projections of limitation that is the friction and conflict that manifests as peer pressure, in all a limitation of being equal and one to and as life here, which the children imitate as this is what is presented to life as children, and the solution is to self realize as life, as the substance of life and to forgive the limitations and to realize that equality and oneness to and as life as the physical is the only choice.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as i become my own limitation, I constrict within and as my human physical body, I in other words, tense up within and as this, become defensive, as in touting what it is that i believe, and as such here, i stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that such state of limitation is a protection, a defense, that in itself is the crying of my own limitation and as such can be seen and, as breath, slowed down, to apply the principle of what is best for all, to begin to direct myself within and as what equalizes myself with what is best for all as the physical world that is the expression of life here, and as I breath and apply the principle of what is best for all, I begin to move at ease, as the application of what is best for all is the application of solution to and as being equal and one to what builds understanding of physical reality that which is and thus supports all life here, absolutely the gift if life.

When and as I find myself using ideology of a limited morality as a belief, opinion and /or idea, I stop and I breath and I investigate within and as the principle of what is best for all, through realizing how the mind works as consciousness, and how I allow ideas as consciousness to be the program of my human physical body in thought word and deed that causes reactions of self as self limitation that cause a disconnect from equal and one communication of what supports life absolutely, as what supports all life to be and become a full expression of life is what supports myself to be and become a full expression of life, this manifest being a heaven on earth, a state of ease within and as self, where no matter where I walk on earth, no matter within who’s shoes I walk, I walk at ease as a physical being as this is respect of life, as the physical is life.

When and as I go into protection and defense, a sense of vertigo or confusion or inner pressure , or heat within my physical self - as in realizing i am not taking in the words of others or am wanting to push away or negate what another speaks - I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that I am reacting in support of my own limitations, my own bubble of a learned morality, and I slow down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, and I direct through bringing the limitation,  as resistance as objection back into what supports all life, realizing that which orders this world into and as what supports all life, what equalizes myself to and as what is best for all, here.

When and as I am limitation as objection that is resistance, I stop and I breath, whether this is within or without, direct or indirect, I stop and I breath, and I apply the principle of what is best for all, and I correct in self forgiving the limitation learned, my own morality, and I direct within realizing thought words and deeds that support the physical.

When and as I find myself directing as idea, as thought word and deed as consciousness, as limitation, as objection in self interest, as resistance to and as changing myself as consciousness as mind as idea, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, realizing my own programmed limitation that has been going on for generations, and I bring myself here, through breath, to the physical, to self correct with the tool of self forgiveness, breathing and corrective application within the principle of what is best for all, realizing that this is best for self, here.

When and as I find myself inFEARior to life, I stop and I breath and I realize that this is myself as mind, as consciousness built from the limited ideas, beliefs and opinions of hierarchy, of pyramid formation  as ponzi scheme and I stop and I breath and I align myself to what is the very support of myself as idea as mind as limitation, as objection, as resistance, and I stop, and I breath and I forgive myself self aggrandizement in self interest within a belief as ego, as energy, as polarity of good and bad, right and wrong, and I self forgive myself such limited judgements as thought, emotion and feeling based on good and bad as this separation that is limitation that is learned that is fear of life, and I apply the principle of what is best for all, as what is the giving of myself as i would life to receive as respect for physical existence - that which is life in expression - and I investigate within and as what allows self movement within walking the ordinary steps into creating a human being, that becomes an expression of life, equal and one to and as the physical world being a world that supports life absolutely, as this is enjoying the process of equality and oneness to and as life as this is the process that accumulates into and as the extraordinary expression of life, here.

The process of self alignment to equality and oneness to and as life as the physical, as earth through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application. DIP Lite ; Process Life FREE

Day 443 Positive reinforcement, does it allow self discovery?

Positive reinforcement does it allow self discovery?

I have heard many schools say to me that they use positive reinforcement.Let’s look at this, especially in a group of peers where some have more exposure to a wider opportunity to explore and discover. If it is learned that knowing something gets a reward, the reward becomes greater than the discovery, self discovery. It has been said that self discovery if the strongest way to learn. So why, then do we have a predominance of positive reinforcement as an method believed that develop character? 

Imagine positive reinforcement being used in a classroom, the one who has figured something out letting everyone know and the verbal reward being given. Would this not interrupt the child that had not figured it out? Would this take away the self discovery of another? Would this breed constant comparison and judgement?

Allowing self discovery removes competition to win, and allows children to learn that discovery is the joy, which would breed a whole different character, one that realized the understanding within the self was  the value. Would this not develop an attitude of helping others. directing others to understand instead of being a game of comparison? With this approach, instead of wanting that colored star - for example - on your page, within yourself is the real value, that of understanding and the development that each of us, given enough time, can understand.

Realize that allowing and valuing self discovery would develop more of the practice of looking, which would develop the practice of following through and finding solutions.

In a profit based system, where money has been allowed to determine life, follow through and looking and problem solving are not valued assets beyond a certain point a couple of rungs up the ladder. And yet, behaviors that limit self discovery, such as a belief in constant positive reinforcement,  are a crime against life, the discovery of self as life. This life as self able to understand life because this is what we are as physical beings.

Discover yourself Desteni I Process Lite.

Day 368 Distraction, Comparison, Competition, Judgement.

So, I am having to memorize a presentation and I notice how so many things come up as distraction, and so many judgement, comparisons and competitions. I know they go no where and are not in any way directive, so I have to stop and focus myself on the information, the whole, the parts. 

I was woking with this child, and they would do this, “ go off” become restless, but they could be talked into slowing down and looking at what they had seen. It took a lot of patience. And then they got faster and faster at it.  It is like I am having to do this for myself, to keep coming back in common sense and not let anything move me. So to speak.

I also notice that when others speak, hesitate, I become this myself, in a way, and this is even harder than doing this for myself, I will have to practice this, a lot.  It is like I am a sponge. Which is what someone said to me one time, I am a sponge. ugh

I suppose it has its benefits, one learns to listen, and this kind of listening is needed when playing music with others, which can be a very intimate experience. One opens up to another when playing, one has to, to play together. Which explains why the abuse on this earth is as it is, we are not listening to what is here, we must be listening to something that is not here, because if we listened we would not be able to take what we have accepted and allowed that exists in earth. There is no way around this. I would think that were we really listening, we would probably start screaming as much as that child crying from the pain of starvation, or that cow locked in a small cage not being able to move for months. If we don’t want such to happen to us as life, why are we allowing this for others? Money is not worth this, Thus money as how we are using it, must stop, and this must change. What we are accepting and allowing from our supposed representatives is not actions of responsibility for life, they are not listening to life. This much is very obvious. This is a problem that has a solution, and if one really listens, the common sense of it can be heard, and realized, that if there is resistance in any way, then common sense has not been heard, you are not listening. The only solution is to realize that life is the value, and that to live this value, a structure must be placed on this earth that absolutely cares for all life, within the realization that life is the value.

Equal Money The solution to bring our separation from life back to life. 

Self forgiveness process, Desteni I Process Lite. TIme to begin the journey to life. It must be done, so might as well get started. You will never look back! I dare you to find out!

Day 339 Bring RIght Back to the Principle of Equality

What is this burning in my thighs? It is a moralistic righteousness. A possession as a sate of being in and as energy where I blame and spite, point the finger and become a “ want of justice”. None of this directs me here, moves me within practical solution here, it is like a Negation of one, a “non-one” as myself within being one with here, as realizingequality to here, as the movement of myself in expression here.
It is like the focus of myself within is limited, following venues, avenues taught, clinging to ideas lacking physical perspective/perception, missing movement and seeing a fixed state/statue based on self interest - this that is of fear of loss/doom and gloom- in a belief of powerlessness. This spiced up with quilt in not doing anything, a belief of being the lie of myself as what I am, rejecting the thing as me that moves that flows that forms and can change and direct, this that can remember in consideration of all life, holding a principle of what is best for all, to realign back into and as life, as what I am, clear and constant within this.

It is to forgive a fixation on what is “ right” within a system of limited values used to maintain a loss of self as life into a “constant” state of survival, a constant state of terror, as this is what a constant state of survival exists as, as it is a state of seeking and fear, it is a state of instability as the nature of what it creates. And I have accepted and allowed this within as myself, rejecting myself as an instrument of the sound and substance of life here, becoming the director of this gift as what I am, as life, as the principle of “ what is best for all” even though this wall on the wall in elementary school, a slogan placed on the wall, the truth right in front of me, where I did not stop and look at what supported this slogan, a wall, of bricks - more than likely- blocking the view of the physical earth, this earth right there, that which within interaction was the way and the means to practically, physically apply the principle of “ give as you would like to receive”, all of this a structure of elements not good or bad, but simply placed into a structure that is limiting, and thus has manifested a system that has not developed an earth where all life is constant as an expression of life, with ease, each part equal and yet one, being what is best for self, as what is best for all, the two self sustaining and constant as equality with life.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite, to not see, realize and understand that if I slow down and look at the parts as myself, I will see realize and understand that it is the formation of me, as me within that is in separation from myself as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I do not allow myself as life, to equalize with practical common sense of this physical world, and the needs of what is here as this physical world, considering what are the needs of myself as a physical body, in all simplicity and that this is what is needed for all, and stop and look at my own values I will see realize and understand that what directs me are values similar to what is sold and product developing as the ideas of the consumerist world, are what I believe will change me into what will enable attention and accolade, survival and social recognition, where i exist within a bubble of limited values that I then enter social scenarios with, and seek validation to see if I have correctly measured myself within the norm, where If I stop and I look this whole process means that I am my own creator and director and that I can take this same practice and align myself within and as what is best for all and consider all life, as what is here on earth equal and one to and as me, as being of the same substance.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I begin to moralize I must stop and look at how I am being what was taught, accept this and realign this within the principle of what is best for all, which means I must investigate beyond what I was taught, and see, realize and understand that my awareness was limited to include only certain values, and not extend itself as me, to how the present systems such as banking and government, politics and education, health and agriculture are in fact functioning on this earth, where one effects the other, and this within a system of profit in self interest as the terror of survival creates all of which is a separation from life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am right, to exist as a singular thought as myself as being “ right”, to become a state of righteousness.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a comparison machine, of values, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is being competition within survival as what has been taught, and not myself in common sense here, this is not myself realizing how I have become a walking belief that one thing is more than another, and/or that one thing should be done over another, to here stop and realize that how here works has to always consider the whole, be aware of the whole, to understand what is best for all, directly with the physical world in order to direct within and as what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how often I go into idea as mind only, and separate myself from life in this process.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this is in one way a taught anger, an angle - an angel of doom and gloom as outcome- within a bubble of belief as righteousness, and for this I forgive myself back into and as myself as a physical being, here, slow myself down, and breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a superstition of what is right and what is wrong, the parts not good or bad, but “ lego-ed” together in what supports in self interest within a system of survival, as mind as consciousness, in separation from physical equality and oneness, which means including the actual physical world as reference with every breath with every step, to align in equality and oneness practically, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my righteousness is a behavior of limited fixation onto limited parts, and the idea, image created becomes the directive as image in and as my mind, as consciousness, and thus a smoke screen allowing directives that allow behaviors of self interest in a bubble in and as the images in and as my mind, and not myself equal and one, with and as the physical here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the way out of this limited, design consciousness is to forgive the limitations and bring all of this back to self,, to realize the mind is life in a bubble in separation from here, from the physical, where myself as a human organic “ machine” of sorts has created an imaginary world around me as a bubble of energy, as a reflection of how i have accepted and allowed separation from equality and oneness to what is real as this physical world, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have behaviors of self blame, of self regret within and as realizing I had not realized what I am in totality here, where i cannot blame anyone as this is more of the same that created this in the first place, and that this has been going on for a very very long time, eons of time, thus to blame my parents, or the government, or the bankers, or my teachers etc. etc. etc. is not only not a solution in and as blame, but also not being and becoming what is myself as life, directing myself as life, realizing the physical is what allows equal and one being as what I am in equality to and as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am justified in being angry, as this anger is righteousness, and thus myself not facing my own shame for not having directed myself here as life, for allowing myself to judge myself as less than, as somehow negative as in not fitting in here, not seeing realizing and understanding how i was behaviors of comparison within limited means, and actions of competition to gain ascendency within the illusion as mind, a superstition placed onto reality, here, which I accepted and allowed as I became the present system for which I forgive myself and stand within and as realizing this system must be reformed through what has been developed, surrounded by many who have not realized how much they exist in separation as mind, from what is real, as this physical world, where if they knew what they were doing , they would stop immediately, and that it is a process to realize how as consciousness one walks in illusion, in separation from reality, from here, where all will be lost as mind only, and many of the values will remain, thus the change need not be as deathly as the mind appears to react as, as this is just the ideas as mind reacting in and as superstition as image in mind not wanting to lose in intensity, diminish in intensity, as this has been directing as a beacon of seeing light for so long, and the human physical body is acclimated to this to such a degree - even within its slow ( and sometimes fast) diminishment) that it appears as mind that this is all there is, this that leads to death, and thus is far away from birthing myself / self into being equal and one to and as the physical here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this being of myself as a moralistic righteousness is triggered by a shock of focusing away from here suddenly to and towards serving an idea wanting validation and reacting as protection and defense and then becoming indignant, justifying the disruption, as in a way this focus was in self interest as itself having no understanding of here in totality.