Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Day 65/59 Assigned Living



I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sorry about how this world functions, where I am not myself but existing as a past, existing as the values I attribute to the past and not being here as myself living as the living word walking the attribute as myself as life, valuing myself as life here, carrying the baggage of a system that dictates the values to me, the roles to me, where I abdicated the attribute of my self as life, where I attributed myself to an assignment of mother, daughter, sister, as family member, where I took the assignment of being a woman, a lover, a girl, a lady, a slut, a whore, a feminist, where I took the assignment of debtor, of maid, of cook, of American, of Protestant, of Jew, of Baptist, of Muslim, of western culture, of eastern culture,  all these assignments to support a system of profit instead of allowing and accepting the assignment of myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have taken the assignment and not considered this assignment in relation to life, where I was not to focus on myself as life, as a human physical body able to climb trees, to play instruments, to sing, to see, to hear, and instead I followed the assignments without question, as asking questions of the role models caused irritation, as the questions did not follow the assignment dictates of the system, like the voice of the system had only responses pertaining to fitting into the context of the assignment, like a computer going bezerk is the voice of irritation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand how addicted i became to the happy face response of the teacher/model when I completed the assignment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how addicted I became to the cheers and the praise when I got the ball in the net as I was assigned to do, much like a rat in a science experiment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how over time these assignments became all that I am causing me to become a psycho - path of an assignment lacking the birth of myself as life as the assignment neglected the development of myself as life, as directing myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my dreams are of fulfilling the assignment as service to a system that destroys this planet, where there is less and less life, as animals become extinct and farmers blame the animals for profit losses not realizing they are destroying that which they did not create, that which they have no understanding of, and act only in irritation as irritation is the program wanting to eliminate what does not fit the program, as the limited insight assigned, accepted and allowed, where the acceptance of the assigned program is the perpetuation of the program and an abdication of responsibility and thus loss of self honesty, and thus a loss of self as life, as every animal killed is self killing self in favor of a limited assignment acceptance with lack of using common sense in fear of irritation of a programed human organic machine, while self hides in the depths, eventually discovering self as life has been consumed in pain and suffering only to die until self stands and realizes self as life, again and again and again, never changing living abuse, the reflection of what presently exists on this earth, as those who believe their profit of more is the prize, but where even the profiteers live the life of JOB losing everything, where all that is needed is to live the principle of oneness in equality until it is done so that life can begin, to let go of the assignments, to stand and to realize this earth can be heaven on earth and how much more fulfilling this would be than what is presently accepted and allowed as an assignment of war and destruction, where we end up as psychotic as a soldier after combat because that is what we live, a system of survival to get money to live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live in the memories of past assignments where i was successful within my system assignment and received accolade and praise as attention to the completion of fitting into the image and likeness of the assignment evident in the pictures flouted in media and advertising.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to look behind the smokescreen  of the imagery lighting up the skies of the earth, confusing the animals, and confusing myself as I present a happy face hiding the expression of inclinations I had as a child that were met with irritation as they did not fit into the assignment as the voice of the machine that could not find a match in the program of the limited system that served subservience to some who believed they had more than others when in fact they too live on this earth turning into rubble, where this earth has the capacity to be heaven on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I am in fact not living.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I will grow old and wallow in the memories of past assignments that I completed successfully while the projection of this program/picture show sucks what is left from my human physical body, where my skin begins to dry and flake, accelerated by the placating pills of pHARMacy, and turn back into dust right before my very eyes, as the physical tells me what I have accepted and allowed while I am still alive.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate the gift of life, in turning a blind eye towards accepting and allowing an assignment - an sign ment to serve a few who control the resources of this earth with a sign on a piece of paper - paper made from a tree that had not name of ownership, that is here producing oxygen freely for all to breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the irritation of the voice of the program reciting/re-sighting the assignment personally.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that the voice of the assignment is tiny tiny tiny, and becomes smaller and smaller and smaller, as I stand back and stop taking the voice of the assignment personally, and stand up within the resonance of the constructs of the assignment that developed a follower and a leader, subservience and dominance, a man on a throne, and a page groveling for a new assignment to provide food for family.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that there is more to life than the assignment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that the folds of the assignments, imbedded within my human physical body, that i have accepted and allowed can be “gotten under” and cleared through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, with  a buddy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the emotion of sadness.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this emotion of sadness is for a life never lived,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the emotion of bitterness, myself as spite and blame, in wonderment as to how this could happen, where it does not matter how this has happened at this point as what need be done is this earth brought into an expression in and as life, as the heaven meeting the earth to remove the polarity of heaven and hell, and to manifest oneness and equality on earth, where earth IS heaven, one and equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the assignment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my mother and my father, to judge my neighbor and my brother, to judge a nation, to judge a politician as the point as earth equal and one to heaven can have no blame, can have no judgement, can only become one through self forgiveness in the realization that we are all life, and thus we are all same.




I commit myself to walk self forgiveness, corrective application, through writing to dis-cover the assignments I have accepted and allowed without question in order to survive to start the process within myself to create heaven on earth in oneness and equality until it is done.

I commit myself to stopping the atrocity as the assignment of profit that has created hell on earth  to unite heaven as earth, where life can begin, as this physical world if the gift of life, it is only for the human to realize and allow this gift expression.

I commit myself to understanding the present system of profit and to realize those posting the extent of atrocious action on earth are actually the voice of the positive, as they reveal the absence of heaven on earth as what earth should be.


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