Day 65/59 Assigned Living

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sorry about how this world functions, where I am not myself but existing as a past, existing as the values I attribute to the past and not being here as myself living as the living word walking the attribute as myself as life, valuing myself as life here, carrying the baggage of a system that dictates the values to me, the roles to me, where I abdicated the attribute of my self as life, where I attributed myself to an assignment of mother, daughter, sister, as family member, where I took the assignment of being a woman, a lover, a girl, a lady, a slut, a whore, a feminist, where I took the assignment of debtor, of maid, of cook, of American, of Protestant, of Jew, of Baptist, of Muslim, of western culture, of eastern culture,  all these assignments to support a system of profit instead of allowing and accepting the assignment of myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have taken the assignment and not considered this assignment in relation to life, where I was not to focus on myself as life, as a human physical body able to climb trees, to play instruments, to sing, to see, to hear, and instead I followed the assignments without question, as asking questions of the role models caused irritation, as the questions did not follow the assignment dictates of the system, like the voice of the system had only responses pertaining to fitting into the context of the assignment, like a computer going bezerk is the voice of irritation.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand how addicted i became to the happy face response of the teacher/model when I completed the assignment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how addicted I became to the cheers and the praise when I got the ball in the net as I was assigned to do, much like a rat in a science experiment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how over time these assignments became all that I am causing me to become a psycho - path of an assignment lacking the birth of myself as life as the assignment neglected the development of myself as life, as directing myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my dreams are of fulfilling the assignment as service to a system that destroys this planet, where there is less and less life, as animals become extinct and farmers blame the animals for profit losses not realizing they are destroying that which they did not create, that which they have no understanding of, and act only in irritation as irritation is the program wanting to eliminate what does not fit the program, as the limited insight assigned, accepted and allowed, where the acceptance of the assigned program is the perpetuation of the program and an abdication of responsibility and thus loss of self honesty, and thus a loss of self as life, as every animal killed is self killing self in favor of a limited assignment acceptance with lack of using common sense in fear of irritation of a programed human organic machine, while self hides in the depths, eventually discovering self as life has been consumed in pain and suffering only to die until self stands and realizes self as life, again and again and again, never changing living abuse, the reflection of what presently exists on this earth, as those who believe their profit of more is the prize, but where even the profiteers live the life of JOB losing everything, where all that is needed is to live the principle of oneness in equality until it is done so that life can begin, to let go of the assignments, to stand and to realize this earth can be heaven on earth and how much more fulfilling this would be than what is presently accepted and allowed as an assignment of war and destruction, where we end up as psychotic as a soldier after combat because that is what we live, a system of survival to get money to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live in the memories of past assignments where i was successful within my system assignment and received accolade and praise as attention to the completion of fitting into the image and likeness of the assignment evident in the pictures flouted in media and advertising.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to look behind the smokescreen  of the imagery lighting up the skies of the earth, confusing the animals, and confusing myself as I present a happy face hiding the expression of inclinations I had as a child that were met with irritation as they did not fit into the assignment as the voice of the machine that could not find a match in the program of the limited system that served subservience to some who believed they had more than others when in fact they too live on this earth turning into rubble, where this earth has the capacity to be heaven on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I am in fact not living.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I will grow old and wallow in the memories of past assignments that I completed successfully while the projection of this program/picture show sucks what is left from my human physical body, where my skin begins to dry and flake, accelerated by the placating pills of pHARMacy, and turn back into dust right before my very eyes, as the physical tells me what I have accepted and allowed while I am still alive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate the gift of life, in turning a blind eye towards accepting and allowing an assignment - an sign ment to serve a few who control the resources of this earth with a sign on a piece of paper - paper made from a tree that had not name of ownership, that is here producing oxygen freely for all to breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the irritation of the voice of the program reciting/re-sighting the assignment personally.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that the voice of the assignment is tiny tiny tiny, and becomes smaller and smaller and smaller, as I stand back and stop taking the voice of the assignment personally, and stand up within the resonance of the constructs of the assignment that developed a follower and a leader, subservience and dominance, a man on a throne, and a page groveling for a new assignment to provide food for family.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that there is more to life than the assignment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that the folds of the assignments, imbedded within my human physical body, that i have accepted and allowed can be “gotten under” and cleared through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, with  a buddy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the emotion of sadness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this emotion of sadness is for a life never lived,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the emotion of bitterness, myself as spite and blame, in wonderment as to how this could happen, where it does not matter how this has happened at this point as what need be done is this earth brought into an expression in and as life, as the heaven meeting the earth to remove the polarity of heaven and hell, and to manifest oneness and equality on earth, where earth IS heaven, one and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the assignment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my mother and my father, to judge my neighbor and my brother, to judge a nation, to judge a politician as the point as earth equal and one to heaven can have no blame, can have no judgement, can only become one through self forgiveness in the realization that we are all life, and thus we are all same.

I commit myself to walk self forgiveness, corrective application, through writing to dis-cover the assignments I have accepted and allowed without question in order to survive to start the process within myself to create heaven on earth in oneness and equality until it is done.

I commit myself to stopping the atrocity as the assignment of profit that has created hell on earth  to unite heaven as earth, where life can begin, as this physical world if the gift of life, it is only for the human to realize and allow this gift expression.

I commit myself to understanding the present system of profit and to realize those posting the extent of atrocious action on earth are actually the voice of the positive, as they reveal the absence of heaven on earth as what earth should be.

Journey to Life blogs

Day 35 Screwing young girls is screwing self as life.

Day 35 

I read an article today about Middle Eastern men in small shops in Britain seeking out vulnerable girls younger than 16 and enticing them in their new found independence with alcohol and attention and then turning them into “dick holes” for all their friends where they take them around town and allow up to 20 men to fuck these young girls, these children.

My husband was in the Swiss army, in the army was a baker who had been a policeman. This police man told a story about Yugoslavian men in Switzerland who would find young insecure vulnerable girls, marry them and then lock them into a room where all their friends would come and fuck them.  Evidently, the Swiss had a hard time finding these girls.These girls were not Muslim and therefor of no significance. This is what religion does, plasters labels on this physical world and decides what is life and what is not. If your religion were so strong and it is believed that if you are not of the faith of Mohammed you are “unholy”, then why would you dirty your dick with something that is not of your so strongly held faith? Is this not becoming that same dirt you label a human female physical body as that lacks this faith?

 It really is just a justification to fuck and nothing else, it has nothing to do with your religion. It is indicative of allowing self to become what brings in money and profit, and hiding self in the act of sex, not wanting to face self, not looking at this system and how it operates. It is a brutal act that cares nothing for the life of the young girl or the life of the man as himself.

Both man and woman in this situation has allowed themselves to become puppets of the strings of the ads plastered all over this earth, that are of semi naked prepubescent girls wearing underwear posing in evocative stances suggesting that quick fix of energy release as orgasm. A self interested act that does not consider life without or within. The men participating in this are no different than the girl being abused. It is like action. All it does is destroy both the male and the female. nothing is conquered, nothing is gained. The essence of self as life is dissipated into an energetic rush, where nothing of significance of self development is gained for both the girl and the male.

This is taking beauty and smearing it with shit, and the shit gets on the female and the male, this “shit” if the addiction to sexual energy, and is not life, is not the essence of self in expression one and equal to life, one and equal to this physical world that is life, that supports self here as an expression of life, sensing all that is this physical world. This is being a drug induced zombie, feeding a system of money as profit. 

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that sticking my dick into a young girl has meaning.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that a young girl of different religion than my own is no longer a young girl.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that a young girl is a young girl and no religion as a belief changes this fact.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to look at young girls and to see, realize and understand that it is only an idea in and as my mind that renders one young girl different from another.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see and realize that every young girl is unique and to not be able to see this means that there is something lacking in my ability to see life.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see and realize and understand that I am abusing life when I project a belief onto young girls and thus do not allow my self to expand through seeing the uniqueness in each and every young girl on this earth, no matter what their faith, and then, within this, to question why we have a system that does not bring this uniqueness forth and instead turns all women into an object of sex, where the woman/girl is not even seen for the value as life that they are.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that just as the men I know within my circle of men, where I see that each of them has something unique about them, so to  are all women just as unique within themselves, yet I am addicted to sexual desire, where I lose my ability to see what is unique in all life, and thus that there is something lacking in this desire that consumes my human physical body, as it renders me into a singular desire where I no longer am able to see the value of life, the uniqueness in every single thing in this world, thus, perhaps it is my self that has become limited, and yet this is the norm taught, and I have never stopped and questioned this, and only gone along with all the others who are not questioning this because I fear losing my friends, when, how can someone really be a supportive “friend” if the acts I participate in are acts that diminish my ability to see the uniqueness that is life around me.

Within this, I forgive my self for not allowing my self to realize that I have in fact become a sheep, unable to direct my self and have abdicated my self honesty to life, my self responsibility as life into a singular self interested movement as being sexual energy, a singular state of mind that obviously cannot sense the totality of life, and the religion in which I grew up has not developed this ability within my self.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not question why I am in a situation where I need to line up to have sex with a young girl and to not question the abuse to life that this act is in fact.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not place my self in the shoes of this girl and to realize that she is the same as me, and that I would not want this to happen to me, and thus I am not living the words of Christ, to not do unto others what I would not want done unto my self.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that when I abuse life, I abuse my self as I am life one and equal to all life on this planet, as what is here is life in and as this physical world and it is only ideas in and as my mind that create separation, which I accept and allow if I stand as a singular idea and not as my self as life, one and equal as life to all that is of this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that in abusing life I am spiting my self as life.

I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the only way I will be able to see beyond the singular relationships of the mind is to walk the process of stopping the mind.

I commit my self to stopping the beliefs in and as my mind, as what I was taught through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to bring my self back to my self as life, where I can stand one and equal to all that is here as this physical world that is life.

I commit my self to realizing that I am one and equal to all that is here on this earth, where I then stand and support a system of equality as equal money to clean up the ideas taught that separate my self as life, ideas that disallow my self to treat this physical world, as my self, as how I would like to be treated no matter what gender or form I happen to be in manifestation on this unconditionally giving physical world as earth.

I commit my self to no longer seeing my self as separate from a young girl.

I commit my self to stopping the abuse of the mind as singular desires unaware of the uniqueness of life as this physical world and to bring my self back one and equal to this physical human body where I am able to sense with the totality of my human physical body the multi dimension of life on this earth.

I commit myself to realizing that lack of respect for this world is lack of respect for my self.

I commit my self to realizing that my religion has not taught me to respect and become aware of this physical world.

Life Review - Ego and Sex = Catastrophe