I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice in and as my mind telling me I am only fit for the underdogs of society.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others within this believing that I am not fit to belong to the polish of those who are polished and then to have an alternating voice ride on the family heritage as self support, this whole drama meaningless in that it has no real value as expression as life , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, to become righteous and have a voice in and as my mind tell me that no one understands, which is, if I look, as limited as the voices that tell me I am impossible as this has no substance as solution either.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be within understanding of my parents to get a long and be able to converse with them, which took time and lead to nowhere, as I would read politics and it all seemed one big rant that turned out to be the same rant on both sides of what is presented, where if one took the time and read things being said on both sides, one could actually find the same story with the names changed, put out by major news sites, which meant that the same media was creating the same stories and moving them around, thus it was clearly a game that inflamed an emotional righteousness for one side or the other.
I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that even when this was stated to people, they tended to ignore this, as this would destroy the drama, and it was the being as the drama that was believed to be real, when it was a mere manipulation by the media.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat telling me there was no other place to go, to have a blank wall with nothing to say, not realizing that even within the patterns being presented there was no place to go.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I got to the point with my father where two opposing sides were realized as what existed and from here we stopped as we could not find and answer, as all that we saw was the two as singular oppositions without solution and all that was said was that man had to change, but this point was believed to not be something that could happen, thus two opposing sides were not a solution and the state of man could not change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat that believes change within man is impossible.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am impossible, and within this to believe that man is impossible, as man is the destructive force on this earth, and yet man cannot see, realize and understand that what is here must be given to support life as the value, or else man will destroy himself, as his ego as a belief that one man is more than another is a judgement against life, and thus is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that to speak up is impossible.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow back chat that suggests that it is impossible to speak up about the separation from life that man has accepted and allowed in self interested survival within a system that promotes inequality where life is ignored and ideas of more than and less than are held in high esteem, this the very voice of ignorance of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a child I was not taught to value life, not taught to realize myself as the substance as life, and only taught to play a video game in and as my mind of judgement as more than and less than, based on limited values, creating a persona, as an ego, that defined who I was within a hierarchy of limited values, and thus had I become confusion as I had not the tools to express myself as life, where even if I had, this video game as mind of polarities of right and wrong, more than and less than was an infinite spiral of separation from life, in and as energy, consuming the flesh as it had no real substance, and thus any questions opposing this limited design were immediately pushed away as impossible, difficult, and irrational as this did not support the separation into and as the mind of polarities of beliefs, opinions and ideas, upholding a self interest as a collection of values believed to be supportive in a system of survival where money determines who lives and who dies with the resources of this earth that have no signature of ownership but what man has placed in and as ego causing massive starvation and brutal actions as man as a video game of no substance as mind only is a state of destruction and not life, a state of no common sense of this actual real physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have attempted to become one and equal to the reason and logic of my parents for personal gain, in a desire for recognition, within the circle of belief as culture, heritage, class, education, belief, opinion and idea, to have praise and acceptance by my parents, as I did not have the qualities my sisters had, and thus, within this I developed a character that talked about politics and history and culture, all the things my parents would discuss, to create an ability that would get me attention and allow me to survive in a system of limited values building limited personifications of what created a walking organic robot that had what was needed in word, in thought, in presentation to serve the self interests of a few who profited from subjective placements of ownership on what is freely given by earth to support life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a judgment as a definition from a moment in the past as a memory to define what it is that I am here, in this moment, a moment where the details of the memory haunt me as mind, as image, my own private emotional/feeling pit as belief, opinion and idea, manifest as image in and as my mind, an actual visual drama/video imagery/game of a past even, of no real substance but judgement and label, a moment of fear and isolation from a common sense of this actual physical world , and the actions of this actual physical earth world that has and is, if allowed, the nature of life, where confusion can be directed to understand what if forgiving of self as life as being awareness of what is actually physically here, as what self is as life in common sense of self as life, being one and equal to what is actually physically here, so, within this image as imagination there is no direction, and only the voices and persona of confusion and as words of no direction and label only are what is voiced and perceived as direction within a limited end game of no substantive development of the people as the images within the memory, thus the whole memory is a mind fuck, where all the characters are existing within limited expression, as all are within, and allowing, a limited existence of label, in fear of survival, in fear of loss of something that is no longer even able to be named.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to carry this memory with me, with all the energy of this memory as what I am and will face should I not agree with the existence of limited development as life, that is also the characters in the dream as my parents as myself.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as well, my starting point within the dream was myself speaking to my parents about what I do not see in the dream, as I was probably wanting some kind of recognition within and as believing that parental validation would mean that I had finally understood something, or that parental validation would make my parents happy, or parental validation meant that I would become a member of the cult-ure of mind, where I was seeking validation in self interest as praise from the adults in my world, and thus being a child, my questions or statements that were not a match to the beliefs, opinions and ideas of the mind’s of my parents, would cause friction, as it is the nature of the limited patterning in and as the mind, to desire to match patterns and the mind is a game of verifying what is believed to be real within what will enable survival and continued placement within a hierarchy of more than and less than as a structure placed on a round forgiving earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how influential this separation into and as this mind of limited belief, opinion, and idea is in fact, and how much the behaviors of this separation from the physical world is in fact within my environment, as the consequences of this manifest, where I know so many people who are beginning to age within my world, where they can barely drive their cars on the road, or hold a hammer, of a circular saw, of even manage organizing the move of something, where dealing with what is physically here seems so overwhelming that it is believed a professional must come and do the simplest of tasks, all of this an indication that awareness of what is physically here in common sense is a concept absolutely non-existent within and as people within my environment, thus is the separation from what is actually physically here, rampant within my world, in a real existential way, and the concept of facing this, so totally absent and incomprehensible it is astounding, this is the separation from this physical world being screamed loud and clear in the very behaviors of the human, also so easily seen on a global scale with the amount of children starving, the amount of Americans homeless, the amount of disregard for life in the middle east, and all of this is so a few can own the resources in self interest, thus must a system of equality, as an Equal Money System be implemented, to bring all humans back to this real physical forgiving world, to become one and equal to life, as the human has become so separate from the physical, on a micro scale, within my world, the simplest of tasks involving the physical have become seemingly overwhelming and huge, and this is an illusion, this is the mind, separating self as a physical able being from being one and equal with this forgiving world.
I commit myself to realizing that my own observations beg the question, how separate am I from understanding this physical world?
I commit myself to see, realizing and understanding that this memory does not define who and what I am unless I accept and allow this, as this is like a sticker, as a memory, as a video clip of emotion/feeling that is a judgement and not a directive, where the only direction given within this memory/video clip/dramatic moment is my own accepted and allowed limitations based in fear and separation from what is actually physically here a life.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the human knows there are such things as halos, as we have painted them on our saints, and we have created characters in movies of zoombie like indifference as blind aggressive behaviors as a desire for destruction and blood, that represent what we, as the human, have accepted and allowed, as how we are at present, thus obviously with the state of this world, we , the human, are in separation from life, caught in an emotional storm in and as energy, composed of judgment as label in fear of loss of life, when the irony is that we are the very substance of life.
I commit myself to realizing that any moment I become an intense wanting , be it for understanding, for recognition, for validation, I have separated myself from here, from myself as life, from my own common sense of this physical world.
I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, to realizing that even the slightest movement within my physical body is a registration with fear, and thus separation.
I commit myself to realizing that confusion is not what I am as life, that a moment of confusion is simply myself becoming separate from common sense of what is actually physically here as life.
I commit myself to realizing that the conditioned energetic response of being impossible, difficult, irritating is myself as mind, is myself fearing being "wrong", is myself being egotistical, is myself becoming an emotional storm, as energy, and thus in separation from what is actually physically here in oneness and equality with a common sense of actual real physical reality here, this that is the gift of life.
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