Monday, October 15, 2012

Day 176 The care of wanting immediate change

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place myself into a drama of judgement when change does not happen immediately.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as a failure when things do not change within a development desired immediately.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear remaining where I am without development happening immediately.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wish for a change to happen, this being an admission to wanting a future to be here and not actually being here, looking at what is practically here, where things take time within this physical world and thus this idea of a miracle as though some magnificent change is going to happen is an illusion and is ignorance into and as what the process of change and development actually means within this physical existence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that a change is not going to happen just because it does not happen immediately.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in becoming anxious about my own development within a change is a separation from practical reality and thus I am the cause of my own insecurity where by I am focused on the non-change happening and not actually being here using the time here to enjoy what is actually here as I become obsessive within judgement and fear in and as a belief that a change is not going to come because it has not immediately manifested.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to start picking and biting my nails when I become anxious within a change and/or development happening immediately.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in wanting an immediate change I realize that my starting point was of expectation and when this as not met my fantasy crashed and I begin to doubt instead of being here, looking at what is here and realizing that the fairy tale idea in and as my mind did not include actual practical reality, thus I slow myself down, breath and self forgive ideas separate from practical physical reality, as the answer is here and not there in some projection/dream.


I commit myself to breathing, to slowing myself down, to forgiving myself to what i actually physically am here, and correcting myself within realizing how this physical world functions, and within this to look at what is actually existent on this physical world that reveals the ignorance of this physical world by the human who has become separate from this physical world, as the greed of men who desire more than another, which is all men, having developed a system of self interest and self religion composed of ideas , beliefs and opinions, in separation from what is actually real, physically here and thus ignore that the abuse on this earth and to self is the cause of discord on this earth which is eventually going to catch up to each and every one of us unless we wake up and realize that we, the human are, each and every one, the cause of the destruction on earth as we are not working with , one and equal to, this physical world as what is real, a world abused, in decay that is going to come to our doorstep, where waiting for someone else to stand is not going to work as it will take all of us to change this system of inequality as it is all of us that support it through inaction as well as action, both actions of allowance, as silence and inaction are not mechanisms of change.
I commit myself to slowing myself down and practically looking at what is here, to see, realize and understand that change is a process that requires actions, where consistent action manifests results, realizing that worry and fear are not the makers of change that is in awareness of what is actually here, where self is existing in self direction, self honesty and self responsibility, as a dream of the future is fantasy and not actually being here, equal and one with what is here, as it is only here than self development and self direction actually takes place as life existing equal and one.

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