Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day 172 Self forgiveness into separation as being unworthy


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire success, not seeing , realizing and understanding that I have separated from myself, here into a belief of success and failure.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this separation I have accepted limited ideas that ignore myself as life, following limited presentations as what is more than and less than, accepted and allowed within an idea of superiority and infearority , lacking self responsibility as myself as life, not seeing realizing and understanding that the value is life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge something separate from me as more than or less than, instead of realizing all that is here is an expression of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as competition, to compare and judge, to survive, fearing a loss should I not conform to what gets attention and validation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is such a thing as more than and less than, instead of realizing the all life is here, and if anything, a supposed “less than” is actually what is here not having been supported as life, within allowing the self perfection as life, as expression, full support and development in and as what life is, that which we all are, one and equal to and as.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that I am unworthy because I have not succeeded, seeing only this consequence without actually looking, reading what is actually physically here and working with what is here, as the very substance in and as life, to allow myself as life to express.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a self judgement in and as being unworthy, which actually creates a value of worth within a limited belief, separating myself form as life from myself as the value of myself being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought, as a negative judgement of self as being unworthy when speaking with another and there is a moment of discord as being a moment of seeming disagreement as signifying an inability on my part to communicate effectively, instead of standing up and looking at what is being said, in seeing the wordsspoken and understanding what is being expressed and aligning it within a principle of what is best for all, as ensuring that there exists a clear communication and direction within the principle of what is best for all and not allowing myself to go into a belief that something can be lost, such as a perception of myself as having worth in another, which is myself standing within a limited view point within a desire to fit an idea of success, and as allowing myself to exist from a starting point of being conscious judgement in fear of loss, instead of looking at the divisions of perceptive ability as life, to see what is here as the very structures that divide into fears of survival, where this ego has forgotten equality and oneness with and as life as being the value, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that, “if I could not stop my husband from killing himself, who am I to think I could teach children?” which in essence is only a self judgement and not myself actually looking at what is here, wherein such a belief, as limited label of myself would be, as what has not been understood and taught, what is stuck as what I am, like molasses, within a system that will use anything and everything to limit the expression of life to ensure its own success and control within itself being in separation from and as life, here, within a system of inequality and what I am accepting and allowing is one and the same, thus those who are on the “top” are themselves hiding from a sense of unworth as what they are, as the only worth is life in expression, thus an act that is not of what is best for all, as self, in self responsibility as life, that does not see this value as one and equal in all that is here, is the expression of a belief in not being worthy, fearing being self as life, as though one does not deserve to allow self as life to be, where judgement is the act of stagnation instead of actually looking at what is actually physically here, where what is here, this physical world is the very tool to equalize all in and as life, it is only the turning away form of beingness from what is here that is the cause of limitation and existence of separation into a more than and less than.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I deserve to be punished because one time as a child , I was so terrified of being spanked that I allowed one of my sisters to take the blame, and thus for this, I carry this shame in allowing abuse to another, when within this I had no understanding of myself as life, as this was not taught, and no understanding of my own separations into and as seeking more than and less than, as the moral code taught was in connection with limited insight to myself as life, and only taught to serve the insured survival of a few, in and as family, not seeing and understanding that what is best for self is best for all, where parents taught within limited values reflected only these limited values in absence of awareness of life being the value, and the very substance of what they are.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat reminiscent of this childhood episode of shame within and as me, a judgement of myself that is not what i am, as it was a moment in the past, a moment of self abdication in and as life, in fear of punishment and survival; a moment of wanting to hide, and not considering my sister as me as life, or my mother as me as life, where even had I considered this, chances are it would not have been heard and the punishment would have happened anyway either to myself or my sister, thus to feel shame about this situation, that is a past event and cannot define me unless I accept and allow this, has no bearing/ is not to bear, as what i am here, able to breath and become equal and one to what i am, life, to become equal and one to what is best for all and express myself as life here, in clarity, looking at what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe myself undeserving because I sought to make myself more than a friend in middle school not having realized the changestaking place and instead becoming spiteful and competitive to prove myself more than one that had rejected me for another seemingly more crowd.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed myself to be of less worth than my high school friend who suddenly disappeared from my life, not understanding that ideas and beliefs and opinions of more than and less than were being followed as what was taught to ensure survival within a system of inequality, all acts that were judgements and not directives within realizing the value of life, one and equal as what we all are, here, as this is what has been accepted and allowed without the development of the life as what self is.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as thoughts in and as my mind, that are judgements of my own self worth and value, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this is non directive and ignorant of what is actually here, answering to what is here, looking at what is actually here, realizing that nothing can be lost, as nothing defines me but myself from one moment to the next in and as breath, as I can only see what is here and expand within what is here, as the act of judgement is not an act of actually looking here and seeing how here is in expression and functions in a practical way that is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow any and all back chat of judgement as what I am, and yes I as a human define and label as a means of communication, yet this is to describe what is in this moment, to direct, and thus cannot ever be etched in stone - so to speak- unless I accept and allow this, thus I determine whether I am one and equal to life and no one else. yet this act of judging has gone on for so long, a whole structure within this has manifest by the human as a reflection of what has gone on in abdication of self as life individually, that what determines life is money being used to support a few, as supporting ideas of more than and less than in separation of the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my worth based on the actions of my parents, they themselves in separation from realizing the value is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I ‘do not have enough of this, or of that” be it in relation to how I look, what I think, what I “don’t understand”, to stop such thoughts as limited and to realize that allowing these thoughts to direct myself here is not supportive of life, and is simply finger pointing in a limited belief only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have positive thoughts, where I have gone from the negative into the positive thought, usually a fantasy in and as my mind of success and the same action of label in and as unworth into worth, not seeing realizing and understanding that both are actions of label, the positive the polarity of the negative, both the very same act of separation, into more than and less than, from what is communication with and as what is actually here, equal and one with and as life, here.


I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that I am here, I am life, that this is the value, as I do not allow separation into and as thought, and the moment I begin to find back chat in and as my mind, I breath, I bring this back to self and realize that which is directive to and towards a communication of oneness and equality in and as the value being life, here.

I commit myself to not judge myself when and as I become a thought of worth and unworth, I stop and I breath, and I sense where a past event continues to define myself here, and I realize that this is myself in separation from here, as it is what is here in this moment that is what can be walked and is what is real, as the memory was a past act in fear and separation, competition and limited belief, ignorant of here.






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