Feeling and Structure and walking a dog. Day 785

I notice that there appears to me to be two sides happening. Somehow they are within utilization of an inherent absorbent ability and utilizing structure. 

Somehow, the gap, must come together between the two as I see it at the moment. It appears to me that there are two schools, so-to-speak, of moving from sensing as discovering,  within not bringing in too much structure, and utilizing structure as a means to an end.  In reality, it is both, it is a balance and interchange within both. Too little structure, and one spends too much time in finding self direction. Too much structure being given, as a form, to only follow, and one misses a sense of self within having perspective within that structure, which can in itself, cause a separation, and fear, as insecurity, because one loses grounding in a way. It somehow ties into the fact that we learn more from a sum of parts, the subject and the object, cross referencing within the two, that must come to a balance, where the processing between both moves with greater awareness. After all, separation is caused through limitation.

I find when I have back chat in competition, as comparing myself to another, or from a point of fearing to lose something, which means I want to win something, I am in a point of fear, and hence self interest, forgetting who and what I am here. What  I find supports me, is to realize that I have this world around me, the physical, and myself, and the group, mirroring the same as me, working through processes that are similar to my own.  Meaning, there remains this idea that I have to do this myself, which is a truth, and yet, it must also, must need, the world around me, the people, the plants, the animals, this as a structural awareness.  

This balance between listening, as ordering, as listing, form and function, movement and expression, be it of a considerate focus of all things, or be it, within a state of separation, as self interest, always with a quality of and as a “rush” being present.  When I have back chat in competition, the comparisons come up, and I am within ordering in self interest and not considering all things, where solutions are always the way forward. It is seeing the thoughts and what is in-between the thoughts, it is always, being grounded in realizing I am, and that I-am is physical. Within things that have happened in my life, what remains is myself here. What has real longevity, is the I am. What is around me, is what allows the I am. This is in a way, the same as god is.  Some people have said to me. “ that is Buddism.”  Yet, Christ said the same thing.  This is the same as the story of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, as the old woman in the woods, is the princess in another life, thus we are all the same, life in expression, each an expression in another life. We are here. I am.  Have we ever asked how that old woman came to the end of her life living in those woods? What shaped and formed her. I mean, we tend to choose families and cultures similar to our own, because we understand that our surroundings influence our children! 

The power to call things by their name, is being the living word. This is also buried, or made evident in our fairy tales. 

In this, a fear of making a mistake, is an illusion, and that same ability to move from sensing a form, to see structure, is also realizing the structure, as the structure is the means to the end, just as the physical is the means to the end, as though both are the same. Creativity, as I see it at this point, is realizing change can happen, within realizing to always  choose what does no harm. 

It is the realization that too much water is detrimental, as is too little, there must be a balance. This same realization is used to divide and conquer, in, for example, our health systems, that use imbalance to make a profit before bringing forward health from creating balance in the basic needs of the physical to remain in balance and function. Instead, imbalance, is created, to force needs that then must be balanced out. Yet, this is done in a way to perpetuate the need for pills, that perpetual payment, where one’s labor moves towards purchasing that pill, for the rest of one's life, where that pill is not concerned with creating stability, but maintaining an instability to not only direct labor, but also, to create a perpetual state of imbalance, because if one discovered this overall, it would no longer have the power to influence one, and one would begin to discover real support. This means, as the distraction is so ubiquitous, that it is a busy work to maintain the deception, because the potential to understand is more natural. It is like a perpetual static. This is much like the back chat within me, when I move into competition, manifest as back chat of a projection of a more and a state of being less.  And it is the same, in that what is here, as I am, is the physical, which moves in creative ways, as the principle of and as to do no harm, which is to consider all things. 

I have two ears and one mouth, which means that it is to listen more than speak.  Since I have back chat, at times, it means to listen even more, than speak, because of my own separations and the practice of listening to here, to the I am, to realizing what is in between the thoughts, as the thoughts are colored with value judgements and are not that kind of reflection of what is here, as those moments, when I am interrupted and  see through the veil of my own spin in value judgements, based on the past, based on the acceptance and allowance of a culture that is based on an environment and that experience made a construct or structure to guide one, that forgot from whence it came, as the physical world.  It is , as I see it, still a stagnation into fearing to really feel.  And yet, real joy would be to really feel. Within this, not fearing to make mistakes, and that includes using past mistakes to justify where I am at at present within bringing myself back into equality and oneness in respect of and as what and who I am as a physical state of being, that means living practical awareness, here.  Because, creation is practical, which is really cool, and so simple. What is in plain sight is simple, it is a chaos that separates it.

Yesterday, I was asked to go and to talk with some people that had experienced a bad situation regarding a dog belonging to someone I know. I knew that I was going to have to face their venting, and I realized it could not define me, and that it was to apologize, and lend my regards in understanding why they were angry. I hesitated when it came to do this, as I did not want to face that metaphysical state of blame and anger coming at me.  This is my past, and it is a fear of loss, a fear of being defined at the values within the venting. I have to tell myself that I have faced such and not reacted, and even done this, before I started to walk this process, in quite natural ways and means. Still, there is some fear of this, a fear of facing this event. it is a pattern of not wanting to face this, and becoming angry. Yet, what would I want if the tides were turned and I was them? Where I am at at the moment, is to realize there are only solutions, where punishment is not being and living a structural means of bringing forth a presence that lives not having a repeat of the problem.  Thus, even though I realize this on the one hand, there remains this fear of facing this chaos, because it will be loaded with so many things - or so I believe. This is more than likely, yet, not necessarily so. There may come more compassion than I am expecting.  Which, overall, I have been surprised with before. And, lol, expected other times, only to find I face a lot of anger and venting!

Living solutions, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, means taking responsibility, no matter what. It means investigating until one understands enough. Fear is, in many ways, not having investigated something enough. It means not having really looked and considered more than one’s immediate survival needs. It is recognizable in being caught in a construct of the lesser evil, which causes a spin of weighing values, which is not being in that space between thoughts, where one realizes the existent structure and the creation in expression, at the same time, feeling the creative ability inherent in the overall design, to change and choose what does no harm, and respects all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself t move into competition, as living a comparison within values, in self interest, not being realizing and understanding that the I am that is me, is within a limited idea, belief, or opinion, in fear of survival, and forgetful of the I am, that is me, that is here, that is the physical creation in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project outside of me that there is a lack within me, that I must defend, which is myself not being present, equal and one, feeling here, being in the simple joy of realizing what is here, is me, in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself toot see, realize and understand, what it means to be strong, for example, as I have lived this , within and as other areas of my life, where i was steady, and stable, and directive, thus, as life, in feeling here, this is actually a more natural state of being, than allowing back chats within and as me, of comparison, imagining success or worst-case-scenarios.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, being myself, feeling here.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear feeling, intros instance, the anger and venting of another, as though this can define me, as though this is impossible to deal with, when it is a consequence of other actions of lack, where the only solution is to realize directive structures that lend ease and a absence of a fear of feeling, as in this case it is a dog that has had little social interaction opportunities with other dogs. thus, the solution is here, and can be walked, and the anger from those who suffered the consequences of the lack in the dog, within the present system, will and may come towards me, as from one perspective, they are the victims of this lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react within and as protection and defense, within and as what is here, is to realize actions of complete responsibility to and towards what is best for all, as life, as living solutions, realizing that there are no problems only solutions, here, and to see, realize and understand that there must be more awareness structurally of and as the practical applications that have not been lived, in relation to this dog, that are the solution.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as it is well known in the research in reading development, most criminals are those who have no means of communication, that in itself causes a consequence of greater frustration and inability to communicate effectively, building a seed of dissonance and disconnect, where the inability to communicate, causes greater and greater loss of opportunity, leading to more ineffective behaviors in social situations, a self perpetuating storm of dis-clarity, and aggressive behaviors,  where the real solution is to rebuild effective structures of  a reciprocal nature as being able to simultaneously call things by name, and respect what is here as the very structure and expression of the physical, and the creative nature of this, as the ability to change, within and as realizing the only choice is to do no harm, as to respect all things, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into fear, into believing it is too much to face the storm, of and as not moving in and as the realization in practical action, in every moment, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, I stop, and i breath, and I slow myself down, and I recognize my own pattern of fear, as resistance, as feeling overwhelmed, as fearing to be defined, of believing I am responsible - as believing I must problem solve, or have all the answers, etc, - I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that this idea that I am responsible, is an idea, that I then self blame, becoming a perpetual state of not feeling worthy, a separation within itself, and also the answer, as in some ways we all realize we can problem solve, as we are the perfect forms to do so,  thus, it is to stop hating myself and to become patient and calm, realizing the solutions are always here, even if colored with a past of a consciousness of separation from realizing self as life, here, as being physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i should have recognized this before it happened, as this dog has been kept in  a yard, after being used to breed other dogs and as such having lived in a kennel, without any real socialization, and there for,  being life, wanting to interact with other dogs and yet fearing them at the same time, thus, there was not a recognition that the dog needed some socialization, which was lacking, and somehow it was my responsibility to have prevented what happened from happening, yet it is not my dog, and I cannot physically be in many places at once, therefor, and because of where I am , in this moment, it is to face the storm and realize the solutions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to in some ways, trust myself, within and as seeing realizing and understanding that I cam capable to assessing, as investigating, as in taking the time to understand, and within this, need not move into anxiety, fearing to be labeled, or defined as not being enough, or moving into self blame, based on expectations, within and as some idea, and instead to realize this as a past pattern, and to embrace it, forgive it, redirect it, within and as making as accepting a natural ability to assess and understand, as gather information, to realize there are no problems only solutions in living actions as who and what I am as a physical state of being as life in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, to not within this, slow down, and breath, and ground myself here, in calm, giving as I would receive, as not reacting to emotional outflows, as the story of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, and to within this, give as lend understanding, assessing and realizing solutions,  as standing equal and one to physical creation, as creation would be and do, as this is being creative here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand,  practical awareness, as respect of the physical as who and what i am is always here, and as such the potential to always from solutions, within an as there are no problems,  is always here, and within this, to realize consequence within not realizing this sound principle, is a process, thus, with each breath, with each step, it is to birth life fro the physical, to realize the principle of oneness and equality as the golden rule, in practical action, as to give as one would receive, here.

When and as I find myself becoming overwhelmed and spinning into anxiety, I stop, I slow down, and I breath, and I take the space to respect here, to listen more than I speak, to hear more than wanting to speak up, to practice grounding and referencing here, as assessing what is here, seeing realizing and understanding the storms of energy, as separation, into a catch 22, or a more than and a less than, of fear of loss and desire for gain in self interest as belief, opinion and idea, to embrace this, forgive and to listen to what is here, to realize that it is natural to assess what is here,  and anxiety is more a protection and defense, as a justification which is a fear of loss,, instead of respecting what is here as life as the practical as the physical reality , the living physical reality around me, to practice when and as I move into taking things personally, fearing to be defined, as them, to then to forgive and to follow through into realizing what is best for all, here. 

lol, When and as I find myself reacting, as becoming frustrated, or resistant, to slow down and breath, to listen, to assess, to  cross reference my own back chat, and the tension within my physical body, to realize that just as a unsocialized dog does not know how to act with other dogs, so am I, within and as being  past as a practice of fear, spinning into anxiety, as a lack of processing, as a lack of respect of the practical, where the protection and defense, is in a way, a non - looking here at the practical,  as being in respect of creation, as all cultures are products of the environment, and to realize that I am physical, and that I can assess, real-eyes, feel, as life here, and enjoy, here,  in the same way, I have actually socialized a dog, who did not know, as never had the opportunity, to interact with other dogs , for example, on a walk, and as such, have lived that change, that change that came with the opportunity, and as such, it is a process, thus, when and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down,  and I forgive  personalities from the past that may arise, and I look here,  to build effective communication with here, as this reality as all things, that are me in another life, to practice realigning into equality and oneness with life, that is physical and in plain sight/site here. 

When and as I find myself facing a situation where I experience what i call ‘ venting’ I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess, check myself,  listen , realize to not take this personally, and ground myself,  as check to ensure  I am calm,  to realize that I can assess problems, and move with them into realizing there are no problems and only solutions here.

Day 685 The Caregiver Archetype continued. Self Corrective Statements.

The Caregiver Archetype

Today I had a meeting where I had to evaluate information I had accumulated and listen to perspectives about that information. I then had to frame the perspective in practical ways, calling measure by name. For example, the description of an embedded behavior being a form of an emotional polarity, or building a framework of what might become the next steps. 

Within me, there are these ‘ colored movements’ which are my own accepted and allowed emotional polarities. They are beliefs, opinions and ideas about things, that have no real practical building movement. 

At one point, I realized that being there and simply communicating about things, giving perspectives that qualified behaviors and outcomes was what connected and what built understanding. I did not need to have an emotional connection other than the simple understanding in practical measure. Within this, I could see and build possible outcomes and relate the practical steps necessary to continue building.

Within the caregiver archetype,  I separated myself from being responsible and created more discord in relation to the practical. In wanting a value, a judgement value to define me, as in  allowing myself to be defined by having the value of care, thereby believing myself to be stronger and the one to whom I give care, the weaker, I mistook the practical, as I ran within a self interest as a belief, or idea generated from my past.  In reality, real relationships need no desire for connection, as the real connection is the intention to create actions that show the practice of common sense. This means that there is nothing owed and everything to be thankful for.  It by nature moves with more ease. 

I noticed today as I communicated the practice of self forgiveness, to slow way down and breath and let go of preconceived ideas and to listen to the present moment. I had the space and time to realize what was being expressed, even when that expression was moving into describing another behavior other than previously discussed. I could see the form, breath, not allow myself to become rigid and fixed in a desire to say something myself, like I was rushing to ensure my idea of connection. Instead I let this go and listened. What I found is that what was communicated as a form fit into a pattern, the same pattern previously discussed. Hence, in listening, I could call what existed by name.  It was the practice of being grounded here, sharing instead of competing. 

In all I can only ever be here. What I believe in and as my mind, even if it is information that has some validity, is information. This can change in a moment, and which may not fit into the same way of description as my own and/or may open another dimension about something.. Whether it is from myself or another, it is as a spoken word, a perspective of this actual and real physical world.  In every moment, to remain stable, information must fit into the practical, and it is this grounding, that builds functional and trust worthy relationships.

Afterwards, I felt that I had an anxiety attack, and in this fear, I could sense that I wanted to spite, to shut down, to not face the next steps. i would go over what I was about and realize the practical . Something that has no where near the difficulty being fearful would imply. 

Within this there is a natural desire to be self responsible, so where does the fear of being self responsible come from? And as a consequence, where does the spite to and towards being responsible come from?  Once something is understood it is no longer difficult. A starting point of a desire to fix something loses a starting point of acceptance of all things.  A starting point of wanting to be responsible separates from being self responsible, and then misses the movement of creation. In this there is no need for spite, which is resistance. Resistance then becomes a marker to indicate the need to slow down, breath, ground myself here, and absorb- to process what is here, without judgement, to consider all things and realize what is best. 

Within all of this, great patience is necessary. Great calm. And great empathy for myself as I have accepted and allowed myself to race as a mind consciousness system of limited values, a story that was a lie by omission, composed of mistakes on reality and justifications that polarized values and  created a memory in separation from life, stored in the muscles of my physical body. I have resisted being here, in practical reality. I have spited here, spited life and consequentially been the source of my own fear. Yes, realizing this as a child, with a world of adults being an authority of same game, it was difficult. Thus within this, there is no one to blame, as I, my own accepted and allowed humpty dumpty can be the only one to put myself back together again. This means breathing, slowing down, grounding myself here in the physical. If I develop the patience to listen, then perhaps I can develop the patience to watch the grass grow and become equal and one to creation as who and what I really am and journey through the eye of the needle.

The solution is to become the master of one’s self as life. This is done with writing self forgiveness and self corrective statements and breathing in every moment. This is making the decision to be here, in equality and oneness with and as life here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, nervous, as a reaction, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I ground myself here, within and as taking the small detailed steps of understanding the measure and movement of here, within the physical, to communicate what grounds and stabilizes  within the principle of what is best for all, as in sharing the means of self responsibility, within and as directing into bringing here the practical small steps of how we learn, and how we build and how we form in specific measure, here.

When and as I find myself resisting within and as myself , I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I cross reference to ensure I am not a reaction to a reaction and instead move from problem into solution, in ways that build no lie, that can stand in intense and equality to what self empowers myself and those with whom I am in communion with here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense and constricted within and as my physical body, I stop and I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that gift of myself as life, able to change as  understand the form within my immediate environment - as this is a natural learning ability, an ability to absorb, and I investigate and assess, cross reference, until I can gently move, and direct here, with ease.

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I with real eyes, cross reference my own resistances, and residences around me, as they are all a mathematical form, and I assess taking space and time to ground myself into a practical small step to and towards solution that can be understood and self empowering here.

When and as I find myself moving into resistances, I stop and I breath and I check to name the resistance, to see if it is myself fearing that I am not pretty enough, or smart enough , and I stop and I breath and I realize that we are all the same, a human being with great capacity as our ability to assess reality and take, or move, as that which does no harm as this is what we would want for ourselves.

When and as I find myself moving into protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I assess the ideas about who and what I am as a personality, the thoughts composed of charged values as ideas, beliefs and opinions, to see, realize and understand where I have accepted and allowed an inferiority to life here, often hidden within a compounded inferiority, as a righteousness, that is a justification where I define myself as superior, or stronger than another, which is a reaction and not the movement from problem into solution.

When and as I find myself resisting being grounded here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess the details of here, within and as an understanding of how things are built in a physical world that is creation information, and I  slow myself way down, where I can practice giving within and as lending, sharing, imparting, an understanding of what grounds in practical application.

When and as I find myself acting within a polarity of stronger and weaker, being that I judge another as weaker, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess , listening  to hear/here the potential of life that is around me, ever present as this is the very means of the physical here and thus this is always here.

When and as I find myself judging another as weak, or myself as weak, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I recognize the energy, as the polarity, as the value judgement, and I assess until I can find an ease to self direct,  that grounds, here.

When and as I find myself losing empathy for myself, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that I have not walked the practical, the practice of being here as the physical and the means of building equality and oneness with the physical, as I have accepted and allowed myself to race as a mind consciousness system, thus walking the practical means realizing with joy , the small steps that are the means to communicate and commune with life, physical life, as this is the means to connect with the space to create and build in calm, gentle, humble, and consistent ways.

When and as I find myself moving into forcing something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that this forcing is a form of resistance, and I assess what I have accepted and allowed within and as me, to transform the caregiver archetype into moving as what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself moving as wanting to define myself as caring, wanting recognition, as validation from another, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, until I am here, equal and one and present with this moment here.

When and as I find myself  becoming scared, leading into bewilderment and confusion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess my within and the without, until  I can see the parts and the whole as the construct of information, and I do so with empathy and support within understanding that it is a process to understand what I have accepted and allowed as a mind consciousness of limited values become personality, composed of energy as charged value judgments , and I see, realize and understand the consequences of this as the environment in which I live, and I deconstruct and reconstruct one step at a time. moving with care and empathy in relation to who I am and what I have accepted, to see, realize and understand who I am and what I am as life here, as a physical embodiment of life in expression as creation to empower myself as life, to model the potential of what each is, which is life.

When and as I find a movement, as a pressure within and as the back of my neck, and my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow way down, and I assess, one step at a time, being gentle, humble, calm, to move the natural ability within and as me, an absorbent ability,  to assess what I have accepted as the movement of me, to realize resistances and fears and to accept the gift of life as the physical, to understand what builds into solutions that impart no harm, and expose the potential of life that is always here.

When and as I find myself wanting to build a value between myself and another, to define who and what I am, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down,  to see, realize and understand the practical which is what can withstand the test of time and build real stable relationships, here, that create communication with no binds, as the communication allows self empowerment which is the real value, here, and what I would want for myself here.

When and as I find myself becoming sad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I deconstruct this belief that something is sad, until I can see, realize and understand the detailed mistakes on reality, being empathetic to myself within this movement/practice, until I have assessed within the principle of what is best for all, what directs in detail to and towards self empowerment, which is the real value, here.

When and as I find myself defining myself as having a value in relation to sharing with another a perspective and pointing things out or offering advice, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within the principle of what is best for all, realizing the value is life and that I am one and equal to what is here, as the physical composition of life, where the parts working in tandem create the whole. and as this, the expression of life is the real value.

When and as I find myself having a reaction that I am insignificant, or meaningless, or worthless, I stop and I breath, and I slow way down, and on one level, I realize this is a belief accepted in childhood, and that this will take time to transform into no longer to be scared of giving, as in sharing perspectives and tweaking mistakes on reality as this is a process of realizing in practice that value being life.

When and as I find myself reacting as a self judgement of insignificance, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I realize the significance of life, as being the value, and as something that is practical and right here in front of me.

I am going to walk this character of ‘ insignificance’ further.

Thank You for reading!

Day 684 Continuation of the Caregiver Archetype. Day 2.

In relation to the caregiver archetype, I have had pressure on the back of my neck for some time. Also, there appears to be some pressure behind my eyes. When I would go and look at the pressure behind my eyes, I would experience thoughts about my sisters. It was that my sisters and I all look the same, especially around our eyes. 

I had also realized that this had to do with worry about others. And it is a character I have even discussed with one of my sisters. It is that ‘ my mother always must have something to worry about’  One day, within this I noticed a heaviness coming from the bottom of the eye down into the check, and this was sadness, much like the clown pictures where the eyes are painted to look sad. I define this ‘ presence’ as the weight of the world, as though it is all sad. This sadness is creating a definition about the world without having any real details. Behind sadness is a giving up about the world, where the self believes that no change can happen, and/or myself is good because myself tried, so it is not myself’s fault. This is turning a negative into a good, where I, as this self in this situation, define myself as good.  I become a belief that I was/am responsible. Yet this is a polarized and charged belief. It is not the practice of solution, it is the practice of justification.

It is like, or is, that I move as a body of knowledge and information as ideas, beliefs and opinions instead of being practical and looking at the details of the physical. To remember here, that if the adults in the world around us are moving as knowledge and information, and as absorbent beings, we take this in and practice it day in and day out, in our formative years, then we become this, and mis-take reality through a lack of practice in attention to the details of what is the means of this knowledge and information memory that develops by default of not practicing becoming aware of the physical world around us as who and what we really are as the starting point.

I look back in my immediate past and one question I had asked myself is how to develop community, as in how to develop relationships where I never had to lie, as not being self honest would bring burdens and cause the development of relationships that would not stand as a community.  I realized, or so I believed that I had little if no practice in building relationships that developed long term trust, where there was an ease and respect, with no sense of ever needing to lie. 

In a moment, as a movement, I remember one time physically leaning towards another person, like to force this kind of relationship. It was like a pull in a direction instead of an assessment in real time.  I remember thinking ‘ what was that” lol.

Since I have allowed myself to move as knowledge and information, the switch from this habit to real time awareness, takes time, as catching the accepted and allowed habits, decoding them, and being practical is a new practice for me, I must give myself empathy to review and investigate every move that I am from one moment to the next. This need not become a burden, because in the practice of and as this, the gift is in the doing,  to develop recognition of what I have accepted and allowed as a measure within myself and the practical steps as what it means to be present and live here, equal and one to life, as physical in formation.

If I go into an idea, with any charged value, I create an agenda, or expectation, and as a consequence am not here, present and attentive to reality, the physical.  I am racing within myself, as knowledge and information. 

I am competing. I am in survival mode. Within this, the inversion from moving as knowledge and information into being present as life will not happen. And I end up scaring myself, based on my expectations as to what the future may or may not bring or exist as. Within being this science of the mind only, being here is lost.  And, I lose all significance because my directives are insignificance, as false positives that are justifications based on expectations that are essentially ideas, and I become a general sense of sadness.  

Interesting at this point in writing, I remember my father reprimanding me about something, and telling me I am not smart enough. His voice is charged. It is as though he is disappointed that I was not responsible,  more in the order as, ‘ Why did you not solve the problem?’ or 

Why did you not figure it out?’ ( this an expression of himself which I took personally) as once he said to me that I was stronger than some other people in my life. Thus, I run at times as a belief that I must be stronger, that then layers with the Caregiver Archetype.  This “ stronger as belief character”  creates a friction and conflict within myself, where in a mathematical sense as the equation of the words, I am both ‘ not solving the problem’ and ‘ the stronger’.  

Since this information that is not necessarily bad, was absorbed in a charged moment, it is polarized and racing within and as me, as my information, experience.

It is to realize that slowing down and investigating movement in reality, which is part of the steps of learning anything as learning something means developing awareness of it, which is something that builds meaning that mis-takes are not-enough-information to build a solid abstract about something to the point where one can move with out bewilderment or confusion and integrate new qualities about something, even when it comes to encountering new unexpected relationships. Here I can slow down and take real care of what it means to grow into a tree, so-to-speak, and be empathetic with this process of journeying to life, as I would want from another.

Hence instead of defining myself as the measure I absorbed as ‘ why did I not figure this out’ and  the polarity of ‘ being stronger’ I relate being stronger to knowledge and information accumulation and then begin to define myself as stronger. When this does not work out, I generalize and decide I am not pretty enough. This mind consciousness, moves as a web of limited values. It has nothing to do with being life, being present, existing in equality and oneness to reality as the means of this limited expression of self as life, as energy,  that can only exist on a physical host. The physical is life information. Energy, as mind projections is a pollution on the physical. We need only look at this world to see the consequences of out actions that lack respect for the physical to see, realize and understand the destructive nature of inequality to nature/the physical.

I am going to write some self forgiveness on ‘ stronger’ and ‘ Why did you not figure this out?” and then write some self corrective statements in relation to the Caregiver Archetype. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a measure as a belief, as the words “ stronger” in relation to believing that i must be stronger, or that i am stronger based on something said to me in my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stress myself out within and as believing that I must be stronger in the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that “ I must figure something out’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that I must be stronger because of a belief that things can be figured out, and that if I do not figure things out than I am weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am weak and within this to become bewildered within and as the conflict of being supposedly stronger and ‘ why did you not figure this out’ which I then defined myself as being weak because I did not figure something out and believing that I was supposed to be responsible which was to be stronger.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an idea of being stronger.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an idea of being weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a conflict within and as me, in and as ‘ supposed to be strong’ within and as the words from my childhood of ‘ you are stronger’ and ‘ why did I not figure this out’ where a conflict of bewilderment and confusion became what i defined myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the confusion of this mixed message, and ground myself in the practical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be that ‘ stronger’ and within this to move into a caregiver archetype, where I believed that I had to figure things out and be the stronger I lead myself to believe based on what was the intel expressed to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it was my responsibility because I was ‘ stronger’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when and as I moved as gathering information to become intellectual, to become the character of ‘ stronger’ to not see, realize and understand that when and as my information caused conflict under the guise of a good as a belief of being stronger lead to “ why did you not figure this out” where i defined myself as being weak, as the information that was me as being weak, as in not being enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself, not seeing realizing and understand the practical physical world around me, as I moved in self interest, without regard for life as who and what I am as life is physical in form.

When and as I sense a conflict coming up, within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess where I am within and as a belief that I must be stronger, and where I believe that I am to blame for not figuring something out, and I slow way down, and I assess the moment, to see, realize and understand the practical here, to become responsible for and as life, in considering life as the physical, to take that which is good and does no harm, in ways that share an understanding of the practical as I would want for myself as this is being self responsible as who and what I am here.

To be continued. Self corrective Statements in regard to the Caregiver Archetype. It is cool to realize the layers in relation to this as I write this out.

Thank you for reading!

Day 674 Value judgements as the data I allowed to define me in fear of being self responsible.

I looked at a memory that came up in relation to friend of mine of many years, that I do not have much to do with even though we live very close to one another.  I remember as a teenager that I would become annoyed with her because she tended to disappear suddenly when I was with other teenagers in the area where I spent my summers.  I remember becoming frustrated that this peer removed herself from the group in random and sudden ways. I felt as though that I was not good enough for her, and by association, when she was not there, I was missing something. I placed some value on her that I believed I lost when she was not present.

I ask myself what the values are that I projected onto her? I felt that she had grace and awareness that I did not have. And instead of listening to her, as in understanding her perspective, I made it into something that I lacked. Instead of standing up and realizing the measure of her insight, I allowed myself to believe that if I were not her steady friend it meant that I lacked that quality and others would realize this and I would be discovered to lack something.

I tend to use the words gentle and grace a lot in terms of what I deem important in others, I even have done this with my choices of men. I project a simple grace onto others believing that I somehow lack this. And yet, at times, when I was most calm, and relaxed, I could come forward and speak in ways that solved problems and calmed emotional storms, thus to say that I lack the steady insight that often needs no real force to show insight, is not something that I lack. 

I find I have a fear within being this.  And I have a sense, like in a video game when one has to move a figure though swinging doors, or swinging bolders of rock, that one has to time the move in such a way that the action figure manages to make it through the tricky ‘ gate’  in the way to their goal. A sense of fear of not making it through comes up. And, even within this, I have experienced being calm, watching the pattern of the obstacles movement and gently moving through it with ease. 

Hence, this is myself, when in fear, when in uncertainty, seeing the idea of not making it through over being present and sensing the space and the time in the physical movement. What I project onto this is an entity of ideas, beliefs and opinions in fear of loss and consequences of this loss made into this huge vision within me. Moving through the swinging rocks or doors, is a form, it is a shape, it has a rhythm, it has space between the movements, one can move through that space. One can sense that space, unless one believes the movie in one’s mind to be more real than the physical world one faces.

In relation to my friend, I realize that  what I projected onto her, was about me and not her. Also, there is an element of understanding that she disappeared because she was the same as myself, now that I have known her for many years.  It is having allowed information as ideas, beliefs and opinions within to be the guide instead of being here, in the physical, understanding from and function of physical reality, where, unfortunately there are many swinging doors and swinging rocks because I have allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions to be more real that what was actually real around me, as the physical. And the consequence of this lack of being present and gentle and careful in assessing the physical world as what one projected as a mind consciousness of fear based on lacking attention to the physical, and imposing a huge idea onto reality, has caused a systemic design that blocks access to being able to move unless one understands that system. And why, because unless one is grounded in reality, one does not have the responsibility to direct in ways that do no harm. The elite of this world have a  system to protect them from those who have allowed a mind consciousness of False Evidence Appearing Real as ideas, beliefs and opinions in the mind CONscience to direct the machine of one’s physical body, and this directive is too busy in fear, in that false information as measure, to be allowed to move onto the next level because there is no real self responsibility. Hence the elite try and order this world in a way that controls that lack in each. And, they are in the interim in fear of losing what they have, and end up projecting this same fear onto everything. So every one is fearing everyone else, which overall is a misuse of one’s physical body and memory into a separation from reality, the physical. This is that valley of the shadow of good and evil, this is the storm on earth, this is why heaven could exist and yet does not exist on this earth, on this reality.

What I projected onto my friend as having, was what I rejected within myself, because it meant that I had to face the storm of separation as the bubbles of beliefs that cover the earth as this mind consciousness of fear, of believing some information based on a picture in one’s mind , as memory, to be more real than reality. The emotions and feelings that one vents, as one can only speak what one is, as one can only form the information that is you, and that one perpetually sounds, as this is what is accepted and allowed, all the tensions and “ pulls’ into value as the colors one uses, intensified with staccato sounds, or elongated slurs,  will always reveal what measure one accepts, and the lack of definition in one’s sound structures as one’s words, through what we speak. 

Everything is heard, just as the inner whine I had about my friend, where I was crying my own lack,  chasing a value I believed my friend to have, ignoring the means as the values to realize myself because I feared really looking at what I was doing because it meant that I had to forgive what I accepted and stand up and be responsible. The irony is that what I sought was already me, I had just warped it into a distant value, way off there somewhere outside of me, via imagery, like a shattered self, like that humpty dumpty character in children’s stories. I mean those stories are there for a reason, so we cannot blame anyone for our lack, because the answers are always right in front of us. We have to become the directors of our within, and make sure it is as that action figure, standing there, sensing the rhythm of the life that is right here in front of us, and simply walking through the physical with grace and awareness, of which our physical selves when focused here are the perfect forms to be and do. 

Would this not be what was meant by being the living word? Is not the living word the words of the values of those swinging rocks and/or doors, and would not that measure, that data that comes directly from the physical world, be the means to understand the measure in space and time and enable one to sense the rhythms and forms and move with ease? As has been said, it is but a veil that separates one from life.

If we were to call that shattered self the survival character, that sounds the measure of fear, as false beliefs and ideas and opinions that are the self not looking here as physical practical reality, and that shattered self that cries lack because that is the measure accepted and allowed, what if that cry were much like a micro wave on the waters of life that is in everything on this earth? What is that microwave of limitation as beliefs, opinions and ideas of a whine of lack, could infiltrate the physical waters of this earth, and just as a micro wave destroy the water molecules and end up shattering the physical world slowly over time until there was nothing left? What if the trees around us, placed all over this earth were growing weaker and weaker because of the behaviors of an inner consciousness that was of value judgements of lack and the gain hoped for in racing from the believed and accepted lack as idea , belief and opinion within and as one’s mind consciousness, that shook and wavered within the limitation, that was what really microwaved existence to the point where the physical world shattered and fell apart? We all know that water can carry resonance, so is this not possible? If we look around is this not what is happening?

There are people who are writing words and placing them onto vessels holding water. The problem here is that this is not that person taking responsibility within themselves within and as the measure of themselves within. And yet, the answer is to be that action figure, to ground one’s self here, equal to the measure of the physical, and to assess the physical and move within the space of the physical, no judgement except to understand the living quality of the physical thing.

This takes slowing down, becoming respectful of the physical, and being respectful is being thankful, is being graceful, is being gentle, to realize the values, the qualities before one, and to move in accord with that living thing. We can do this, we can assess what we have accepted and allowed as the ghost in the machine that is a Humpty Dumpty, a system of false evidence appearing to be real that if one looks has charged values that pull one into an alternate reality of measure that stops one from moving here in grace and ease, as is the capacity of self as a physical being, just as you learned to crawl and to walk, to pet an animal, to sense the quality of water, to enjoy the coolness of ice cream, all of this is the capacity of you as a physical form, the warped values are like a pull into an idea, that if this has been allowed has become a habit, automated, layered and determining of your actions. This can all be balanced and reformed, as your neurons will move and change, yet, this has to be done by each.

Ground yourself, breath, slow down, begin to see the entity of beliefs, opinions and ideas, begin to see what projections pull you into that constant conflict of value judgement, as this is self chasing a value that is already within and as what you really are. What you resist is what persists, because what you resist is the means to your self responsibility which is what you really seek, as this is what will calm the waters of life, within and without, and ground presence here, to enable the presence of you as life, to build an understanding of life, to become the creator you are meant to be. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my friend as having something I believed I did not have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered lacking in a quality such as being gentle which I associated with being aware and insightful, believing myself to lack this ability, within and as believing myself to be unworthy, when what I was busy with was a belief in a lack, based on a past where I rushed in desire not slowing down to assess the world around me, as I accepted and allowed an excitement to direct me as a value judgement in self interest, without slowing down to see, realize and understand the physical world around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this, become ashamed of myself, as within this, there is a presence that I am aware of what it is that I am doing as I allowed a fear of  failure based on the same actions that caused the mis-take to determine who and what I believed myself to me, and as a consequence accumulated a memory of lack, that was not grounded in the practical reality around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being present here, and to fear being labeled as not being good enough, as not being lucky enough, where luck simply means that I had enough information to direct to and towards what I desired, and the opposite as unluck simply means that I did not investigate enough to allow myself to accomplish a goal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase after another person and then to react to that person’s resistance instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this was about me, this reaction was my own self interest, based on an idea of who and what I was instead of being present here, applying practical applications that valued the physical characteristics of the life that was /is me that is all around me, where the rhythm and design and movement of that life is visible and able to be sensed and moved with and as in clarity and calm, and certainty and steadiness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing this out against the storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas of and as entities that are ghosts  in the machine within men, creating hued men, as walking mind consciousness bubbles in separation from the practical reality, where the only solution is to ground myself, assess here, equalize my within to the without as what is here, and a system that is the consequence of the separation of men from reality, to within and as every breath, to remain in understanding with the physical, as this is the way and the means to ground the ideas , beliefs and opinions that I have allowed to define me, to move into being grounded in reality, seeing realizing and understanding that this is stabilizing the physical world that is what life is, as life would be physical information working in synergistic and symbiotic ways and means as creation would be and do, sharing the means of being as each can understand because all is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that it is too late,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is never too late, as creation is life, and life is built of sound information, hence the only way and means is to realize this, and to value the physical around me as me, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel I have wasted myself being a mind consciousness of self interest,   instead of realizing the value is life and remaining grounded in every move, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that facing the storm of separation as a mind consciousness infiltrating the waters of life in the wold around me is impossible to sort out, when the solution is to walk here, to remain grounded and to realize the practical in relation to respecting the physical world, and how I can build a memory of storied/layered information that is of value judgements in separation from the practice of assessing reality, which means that it is understood as to how this works, as the media uses this in self interest, as each is doing within themselves, to program layers of information that comes to direct the machine as the physical creating personalities that then assess in the present collection of data on each personality to order the system, yet this is overall a system of separation from the physical world, from life, and a system that will destroy the physical as it is not equal and one to the practice of living in creation, equal and one.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how that data collection is myself, as I collected data, as measure about my friend, in a desire to be associated with that data, I allowed to become a god of information that I then chased, not seeing realizing and understanding that I projected what I lacked onto another, as what I had rejected to be do and have, as the ability to assess the reality around me and move in self responsible ways, as this behavior was a self abdication that I turned into a smoke and mirrors show of chasing a desire and labeling myself as inferior, instead of slowing down and realizing I rejected the means I sought, as being grounded here in reality,, so I rejected what was me, what was my greatest strength and ended up chasing my own rejection,  which was overall a picture show within and as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that practice of being physical, as assessing the physical world around me, is the means to the end, as the grounding of myself here, which is fun, and the ability of myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to give up my own self pity that is a consequence of all of this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being happy, because I fear the joy of self responsibility will cause conflict within and as a world where a mind consciousness reigns as a paranormal entity as a ghost in the machine that screams its lack which is a measure, a layer of information, which we all see, realize and understand as we compare ourselves to others and project values as measures onto others and believe as I have done that that value is not what I am,  which is myself telling myself what I have rejected - as in what i have created within and as me-where the only solution is to ground myself here, no matter what, as this is being equal and one and in respect of life.

When and as I find myself becoming energy, as what a projection that is charged with a value judgement is within and as me, I stop, and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become calm, gentle, steady, and I assess the measure of the physical world around me, to see the rhythm and form inherent in the design, and I become equal and one to the practical application of creation as the physical to realize that which does no harm and takes that which is good and respect the value being life, here.

When and as I find myself  longing for a value in the guise of desiring to be associated with another person, I stop and I breath, and I slow  myself down and I see, realize and understand what I fear, where I fear being myself as the capacity inherent in what and who I am, as the ability to assess the practical world as the physical here, and my own accepted and allowed energetic values and I ground this in the practical here, becoming the practice of allowing myself to be gentle, to be calm, to assess, investigate, become aware of, life, here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting to wanting to associate with someone or something, I stop and  I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize the value I have projected through association as a belief, opinion or idea, and I become calm, and assess the characteristics of the physical reality around me, and my habits of belief, until I am calm, stable, serene, steady, seeing realizing and understanding that all mis-takes can be corrected as this is how I learned to crawl and to walk, to build understanding here, thus in every moment I can slow down, assess and direct in ways that cause no harm as this is myself being in respect of creation, which is myself being thankful for the life that is me that is all around me as me, here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be at ease, to be happy, to be in joy of being here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I practice being grounded here, in respect of the physical and in cross reference of what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements within and as me, as the layered information that I use to assess in self interest, which reveals how I become the information I accept and allow in separation from considering all things and building an awareness that is layered with practical application in respect of the physical, to be and live in equality and oneness with and as life, which is to become the living word here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be practical in the face of limited information within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that my fear is simply false evidence appearing real, as value judgements as fear of loss, as hope for a gain, as a label/construct of information I seek in self interest, and I come back down to earth, realizing the value is being here, equal and one to and as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the data, as the measure of my beliefs, opinions and ideas, flowing down from a mind consciousness into my solar plexus and into my chest, I stop and I breathe, and I ground myself here, assessing the physical world, to build self trust in being present here, equal and one to and as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize where I exist within and as myself as a value judgement that is data, that I have accepted and allowed to layer within and as me, and I assess the wold around me, to consider all things, to become the change I want to see, in thought word and deed, until I am stable, calm, serene, grounded, present, and I direct within the practice of physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself resisting what is here, I stop and I breath, and I assess within and without as the sum of the layered information I have accepted and allowed to define me in fear of survival and as a consequence an action of self interest , to instead become/practice a more synergistic action with myself in tandem with reality, which means to work in coordination with what is here, where the sum of the parts as including the physical, working together creates a whole expanding in awareness in thought word and deed in equality and oneness with creation information, the physical.