a widows journey to life: conjecture

When I talk with others and explain things about spatial awareness, it is like there is nothing there. And then I go into fear. And then statements come at me, stated as though this is the way it is. And compassion is wanted. I take this personally, as though I am supposed to wait. I even had a group of education professors tell me that it was too difficult to teach spatial awareness/depth perception.

I go into believing that i have not explained myself well - which maybe I have not - but I notice i get loopy at this point, like there is a mirage in front on me, and then, i get all confused, and go into thinking I can’t get through and I am trapped.

I freeze, I hold myself tightly, closed, like a silence, a dumbing silence. And then the corners of my mouth sink.

I did this today while talking with another person.

I have a memory come up from high school. I have written about this before. I was in a foreign apartment waiting for someone. Suddenly, a face of a man appeared up in the corner of the room. In a split second he went from being a gentle man to what many would call a demon presence - it was like he suddenly got really really angry and started projecting red horned monsterness. But, it was too late for me I had seen what came before and had realized it was all conjecture. Then the white light behind this paranormal event appeared in the distance, like an inverted distance, depth.

I asked if there were things happening in that apartment. and evidently things moved around went the occupants were not at home.

I left knowing, with no uncertainty, that what was there could not touch me in any way. Too bad I did not speak. My conditioning on some level was already set.

So, lately I have had thoughts when I see the face of a person that there is a harshness in the visage. a manner of cruelty, a rushing intense manner. I see this and this earlier memory keeps coming up. I also have these images coming from behind, of old people. It is like something enveloping me.Somehow it is all linked to the cruelty within the consequences of the present system that does not respect physical life on earth.

I continue to react to the cruelty I read about what exists all over the planet. It is heart wrenching for me. And I can feel my heart going into a knot, like there are two forces pressing against one another.

I cannot learn to address limitation if I go into confusion, and yet I get these images of projected cruelty and this reaction to actual cruelty - and seeing a harshness in the visage of people, perhaps because this is my present emotional stew and pictorial exaggeration as mind. Perhaps the situation is to accept this and reorder so I can begin to address confusion when conflict within me leads to confusion. I may be addressing the limitation but I am doing so in protection and self defense. Like the script is there, but it is used to hide - because I am reacting to the cruelty of the projections of rigid beliefs that are themselves the same as me projecting a script that is more ordered, but still a projection.

And, in my busyness to project properly - I lose focus and miss the cruel projection of limitation and as such cannot address it and then feel I failed and have not faced the storm - the paranormal as a limited mind consciousness system.

Also mixed into this self blame is anger. a subtle twist of the victim feeling they are not listened to, self righteous.

But it was me not listening and reacting in fear of the violent aggression - as how I viewed the statement that was a response to my words, that was really an inner reaction of the other trying to make sense based on their own knowledge and information within which they were trying to make sense, but their sense was on a construct of knowledge and information association, without any practical application to physical reality.

So great is the disconnect from physical space and time, that association to knowledge and information as mind only reacts because looking here, at physical manifestation means one has to change and give up the projection clung to. A projection has no real substance, it is fueled by ideological beliefs, opinions and ideas. This is idol worship following, self validating. It really is no different than what that man did in the apartment. It is all, in total, a separation from the eye of the needle, which is physical reality.

Another aspect of dreams and this “ other world” is the background. It is dark, black, it is like a velvet thing, and all this projection is on top of this. I have noticed that this is behind it all, this darkness that has no anger, has no cruelty, it is always there, it has a depth somehow. The darkness is the “ light” and the “ light” is the conjecture and the conjecture is cruel as it now stands because of what we humans have accepted and allowed as our present.

I remember working with a younger person when I returned to school. This person could not hold form within her, she could only write papers by cutting and pasting sentences. Needless to say I was astounded. When asked to actually discuss something, she claimed a learning disability and wanted everything ordered within this “ care.” Though we have a society that is allowing this, it is cruel to allow this, and because this has been allowed it will take time to sort this out, because the tool of the mind is to build an image to build understanding and has to be realized as an image only: the image is not what is real, what is real is practical reality. Which is why the man that projected demonic pictures ( which is all they were) was hanging on the physical world, he could not exist without it. The joke is on you!

My sons would have friends over to the house. Sometimes the behaviors were unacceptable. I would want to make a statement that this, or that friend was no longer allowed at the house. I would also feel quilt about this, and also get behaviors from my children as a consequence. Reactions of anger. So, I had to try and explain. Eventually, I got the the point where I would say that the friend had many qualities that were fine; for instance one friend would play a lot of guitar, and he taught my son to play - this was fine. Then I would go onto explain that it was some of his behaviors that I found unacceptable, it was the emotional storms the friend would go into that were not only unacceptable but dangerous. This one friend tended to brake things in the house, in some kind of reckless abandon. So, I told my son, that I could not let this behavior into the house, as it was a behavior that was not in the best interests of my son…. as well.
I even talked with the boy one time and tried to get him to see this. But it did not stop.
Needless to say, one night the boy took my car and drove himself home, without asking. These are the kinds of things this child did. At the moment, when my son is home, this other boy is not here. He has been cast out from being allowed in the house. He would come and apologize, but then, inevitably come and do something like this again.

With this boy, most of the time, he was polite, in that he would say hello, sometimes come and talk to me, we even played together a couple of times. But then suddenly, it was like he was possessed with a desire for something, like he was afraid he was going to lose something. And then the reckless anger ( perhaps ALL anger is reckless!) would take some action and something would be broken, and he would go running out into the yard breaking things. Something was obviously bothering him and whatever it was he had to get it under control.

Some “ idea” had become his state of mind, lol, his state of being as mind, as a limited sense, caught up in some desire to placate his fear of some loss needing justification within some kind of attention.

A noun, can also be a state of being. A thing. So a person becomes a state of being, within desire, want or need, as behavior, driven by the e(ergy)motion to meet that supposed “need”, so possessed, what is here is forgotten. And it has nothing to do with what is actually here. ( Unless ofcourse, you are a starving child, starving because some “states” within this world, like the United STATEs, believe themselves to be in need, so possessed by their own consumerism that a perpetual tantrum exists within want that this possessions ignores what is actually here.)

If we, the human, were taught to be here, as in seeing what is actually here, and how what is here functions, instead of being told we cannot understand what is here, ( I mean, there arefarmers in the Swiss Alps who read the plants to determine the weather!) the only place to go is into conjecture, and on what basis would such a thing exist? How can it be believed that “here” cannot be understood, and then decide conjecture, as what is not here or physically validated, then be understood and/or followed as being a guide? This is just a man-u-factured illusion actually blocking common sense! Also, if looking at here, at nature, one notices a tree looking unhealthy, then what is needed is to see what is missing from the tree that it requires to become healthy, this is simply seeing a lack within requirement physically.

If a behavior is not dealing with what is actually physically here, then it is an idea, belief, or opinion, imagination, judgement based on some limited viewpoint, believing some kind of attention is necessary that has no real value or self directive capacity as what the physical, in common sense, is able to do!. So the physical world is actually a directive within being here with what is real. So anything that creates a fantasy, such as pictures on a tube, or words on a page, cannot be taken as what is, as it is a picture drawn of something real and not the real thing. So, a state of being, as a desire, want and need fixed into some fantasy and imagination that cannot even be verbally expressed, and ends up as a behavior that is reckless and destructive in missing/wanting some relationship not being made, and that, probably within some agenda or made huge emotional need, like a strategic planning to get something. I mean, just think about the whole sex seeking scenario, it is the same. And occupying. Thus, there can be no such thing as self interest only, because we are on a physical planet that functions within specific forms, all working together. Force actions of monoculture on this, and use a force of creating some invisible scenario, limited in design to create that monoculture and what is real is destroyed as it is taken apart to be placed into a lesser design. In this way, the physical is the gift of what works, so it is to become with what is actually here, to be here, seeing, looking at what works here, where what is here allows what works to actually be seen. A real “god”/parent would not have conjecture, only abuse would use conjecture, for personal gain. And what happens if this “conjecture” is taught to children? As what is real? And it goes on for generations? Welcome to hell on earth!

So, obviously, the present system of invisible hands, and invisible gods is a travesty of conjecture. It is not here, existing with what is actually here. To keep this limited illusion that uses what is actually here, our children are educated into the illusion and not taught to work with what actually physically exists. And they are fed images via TV, and sugar to keep them in some excited STATE in separation from here. I think I would run outside my house and want to break things too, but this is not a solution. The solution, is to come back to what is here, as the physical. To investigate what has been accepted and allowed, and to stop, to allow equal and one understanding with what is here, the physical world.

An Equal Money System will allow those who presently are actually looking in common sense of what is physically here, before they are asked to skew data to suit profit, to do what the actual physical world reveals. As of now, what the actual physical world needs, in may places where children are starving, is not being met. Even though this world is able to send aid, and distribute guns, and get drugs over borders in government planes ( interesting how the government resembles what was considered Mafia behavior more and more everyday as the monoculture begins to crumble) , and organize school systems to indoctrinate, and get telephone wires and radio waves everywhere to broadcast things. With all this, a system ofcommunication and transportation already exists. And obviously since there is massive amounts of food wasted every day, there is enough food.

It is like, instead of understanding how water works and functions and all its properties, what exists is a system where a few are allowed to build a structure that allows them to control that water, where so much effort and energy is spent on getting this human control, instead of actually developing an understanding of what water is in totality, and sharing that understanding with every human so that each and every human has an understanding, and thus respect for that water! In this way, what exists is a crime, as it actually blocks understanding of the substance here on earth supporting life, and instead teaches the structure that allow one/ a few to be dominant. And look at that water, it is all the same, as a water molecule, existing within its nature to do what it does - which i do not understand because I have never had the opportunity to be taught this because I was taught to serve the ONE as role play of dominator. That/this is really really messed up.
Even that “dominator” does not understand water, because if they did they would become as that water, this substance spread all over this earth giving freely, being itself as what it is, able to be understood if the attentions of men were not drawn away from this actual physical world!
To think that water can be owned means that you are a zombie - as we tell ourselves with the movies we make- and have become the good servant of a system of ignorance of life, that you have accepted and allowed the diversion from self as life, and are caught up in an illusion and conjecture, where this illusion determines your behavior, a behavior developed to be ignorance! Thus, man has become the blind leading the blind.

Generations generating ignorance.

TIme to start playing on the band wagon of life, pick up your instrument of life, your human physical body, and support Equal Money, and walk the process of realignment back to the physical and away from a taught conjecture. All the king’s men and all the king’s horses cannot put you back together again. But, the good news is, that you can do it yourself as Desteni. Start with a free course; Desteni I Process Lite. You will never look back, as life is better than a dream in front of your television set.

The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines

http://youtu.be/prTarrgvkjo

Psywar

http://metanoia-films.org/psywar/

The Trap

http://archive.org/details/AdamCurtis_TheTrap

The Power Principle

http://metanoia-films.org/the-power-principle/

Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century

http://metanoia-films.org/human-resources/

Catastroika - Greek Documentary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoNjVMhmBfM