Showing posts with label tantrum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tantrum. Show all posts

Friday, November 30, 2012

Day 221 Behavoirs of conjecture

My sons would have friends over to the house. Sometimes the behaviors were unacceptable. I would want to make a statement that this, or that friend was no longer allowed at the house. I would also feel quilt about this, and also get behaviors from my children as a consequence. Reactions of anger. So, I had to try and explain. Eventually, I got the the point where I would say that the friend had many qualities that were fine; for instance one friend would play a lot of guitar, and he taught my son to play - this was fine. Then I would go onto explain that it was some of his behaviors that I found unacceptable, it was the emotional storms the friend would go into that were not only unacceptable but dangerous. This one friend tended to brake things in the house, in some kind of reckless abandon. So, I told my son, that I could not let this behavior into the house, as it was a behavior that was not in the best interests of my son…. as well.
I even talked with the boy one time and tried to get him to see this. But it did not stop.
Needless to say, one night the boy took my car and drove himself home, without asking. These are the kinds of things this child did. At the moment, when my son is home, this other boy is not here. He has been cast out from being allowed in the house. He would come and apologize, but then, inevitably come and do something like this again.

With this boy, most of the time, he was polite, in that he would say hello, sometimes come and talk to me, we even played together a couple of times. But then suddenly, it was like he was possessed with a desire for something, like he was afraid he was going to lose something. And then the reckless anger ( perhaps ALL anger is reckless!) would take some action and something would be broken, and he would go running out into the yard breaking things. Something was obviously bothering him and whatever it was he had to get it under control.

Some “ idea” had become his state of mind, lol, his state of being as mind, as a limited sense, caught up in some desire to placate his fear of some loss needing justification within some kind of attention.

A noun, can also be a state of being. A thing. So a person becomes a state of being, within desire, want or need, as behavior, driven by the e(ergy)motion to meet that supposed “need”, so possessed, what is here is forgotten. And it has nothing to do with what is actually here. ( Unless ofcourse, you are a starving child, starving because some “states” within this world, like the United STATEs, believe themselves to be in need, so possessed by their own consumerism that a perpetual tantrum exists within want that this possessions ignores what is actually here.)

If we, the human, were taught to be here, as in seeing what is actually here, and how what is here functions, instead of being told we cannot understand what is here, ( I mean, there arefarmers in the Swiss Alps who read the plants to determine the weather!) the only place to go is into conjecture, and on what basis would such a thing exist? How can it be believed that “here” cannot be understood, and then decide conjecture, as what is not here or physically validated, then be understood and/or followed as being a guide? This is just a man-u-factured illusion actually blocking common sense! Also, if looking at here, at nature, one notices a tree looking unhealthy, then what is needed is to see what is missing from the tree that it requires to become healthy, this is simply seeing a lack within requirement physically.

If a behavior is not dealing with what is actually physically here, then it is an idea, belief, or opinion, imagination, judgement based on some limited viewpoint, believing some kind of attention is necessary that has no real value or self directive capacity as what the physical, in common sense, is able to do!. So the physical world is actually a directive within being here with what is real. So anything that creates a fantasy, such as pictures on a tube, or words on a page, cannot be taken as what is, as it is a picture drawn of something real and not the real thing. So, a state of being, as a desire, want and need fixed into some fantasy and imagination that cannot even be verbally expressed, and ends up as a behavior that is reckless and destructive in missing/wanting some relationship not being made, and that, probably within some agenda or made huge emotional need, like a strategic planning to get something. I mean, just think about the whole sex seeking scenario, it is the same. And occupying. Thus, there can be no such thing as self interest only, because we are on a physical planet that functions within specific forms, all working together. Force actions of monoculture on this, and use a force of creating some invisible scenario, limited in design to create that monoculture and what is real is destroyed as it is taken apart to be placed into a lesser design. In this way, the physical is the gift of what works, so it is to become with what is actually here, to be here, seeing, looking at what works here, where what is here allows what works to actually be seen. A real “god”/parent would not have conjecture, only abuse would use conjecture, for personal gain. And what happens if this “conjecture” is taught to children? As what is real? And it goes on for generations? Welcome to hell on earth!

So, obviously, the present system of invisible hands, and invisible gods is a travesty of conjecture. It is not here, existing with what is actually here. To keep this limited illusion that uses what is actually here, our children are educated into the illusion and not taught to work with what actually physically exists. And they are fed images via TV, and sugar to keep them in some excited STATE in separation from here. I think I would run outside my house and want to break things too, but this is not a solution. The solution, is to come back to what is here, as the physical. To investigate what has been accepted and allowed, and to stop, to allow equal and one understanding with what is here, the physical world.

An Equal Money System will allow those who presently are actually looking in common sense of what is physically here, before they are asked to skew data to suit profit, to do what the actual physical world reveals. As of now, what the actual physical world needs, in may places where children are starving, is not being met. Even though this world is able to send aid, and distribute guns, and get drugs over borders in government planes ( interesting how the government resembles what was considered Mafia behavior more and more everyday as the monoculture begins to crumble) , and organize school systems to indoctrinate, and get telephone wires and radio waves everywhere to broadcast things. With all this, a system ofcommunication and transportation already exists. And obviously since there is massive amounts of food wasted every day, there is enough food.

It is like, instead of understanding how water works and functions and all its properties, what exists is a system where a few are allowed to build a structure that allows them to control that water, where so much effort and energy is spent on getting this human control, instead of actually developing an understanding of what water is in totality, and sharing that understanding with every human so that each and every human has an understanding, and thus respect for that water! In this way, what exists is a crime, as it actually blocks understanding of the substance here on earth supporting life, and instead teaches the structure that allow one/ a few to be dominant. And look at that water, it is all the same, as a water molecule, existing within its nature to do what it does - which i do not understand because I have never had the opportunity to be taught this because I was taught to serve the ONE as role play of dominator. That/this is really really messed up.
Even that “dominator” does not understand water, because if they did they would become as that water, this substance spread all over this earth giving freely, being itself as what it is, able to be understood if the attentions of men were not drawn away from this actual physical world!
To think that water can be owned means that you are a zombie - as we tell ourselves with the movies we make- and have become the good servant of a system of ignorance of life, that you have accepted and allowed the diversion from self as life, and are caught up in an illusion and conjecture, where this illusion determines your behavior, a behavior developed to be ignorance! Thus, man has become the blind leading the blind.

Generations generating ignorance.


TIme to start playing on the band wagon of life, pick up your instrument of life, your human physical body, and support Equal Money, and walk the process of realignment back to the physical and away from a taught conjecture. All the king’s men and all the king’s horses cannot put you back together again. But, the good news is, that you can do it yourself as Desteni. Start with a free course; Desteni I Process Lite. You will never look back, as life is better than a dream in front of your television set.


The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines
Psywar
The Trap
The Power Principle
Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century
Catastroika - Greek Documentary
The Marketing of Madness

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Monday, November 26, 2012

Day 216 Self commitment within validation/idol creation

I commit myself to realizing that to judge and not immediately see, realize and understand that judgement has no purpose within solution, within any investigation into and as what would support all life in every moment within and as myself, therefor, when I judge within or without, I breath and I walk through the veil of fear to steady myself within clearing my waters of friction and conflict until I become this as a constant, in and as an expression of life, here, as what I am, as what is the value.
I commit myself to breathing and to walking through all the dialogues of the mind, the entertainment, the MO of the mind in survival and thus greed to which I have separated myself, abdicating myself as life in favor of ideas, beliefs and opinions of limited substance and a state of lack in being life, as what I am, this behavior manifest as want, need and desire, where all judgements are myself lost in a character and personification of self validation, as a self religion, as a composition of stagnant non-directive movements of myself as life.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that this is a process of walking through the layers of separation as the behaviors of thoughts, emotion and feeling, exposing wants , needs and desires taught to be given/found/fulfilled within objects in separation from myself, as I see a quality as being an object, not seeing realizing and understanding that what I am, as what I express and move myself as, which is also a movement within another, is a movement and thus not something that can be owned, but in all reality, something that is expressed in a moment, and then can one move onto the next moment, which is actually more “interesting” than sitting at the foot of a supposed god because self is actually living the experiences being “told” - so to speak, where within this, it is an absolute crime to deny this physical world, earth, as supporting life, as the medium of expression for life, and thus realizing that all that is here is to support life, this being of life, thus to deny a child full development in expression as life, through starvation or to fulfill the lusts of men in separation from themselves into and as hiding within an energetic rush ( shortlived and thus needing constant “feed” - like the systems on computers) not seeing , realizing and understanding through stopping and taking a breath each and everytime an obvious pattern of repeated behavior once again demands attention, thus it is to realize that this physical world is here to support life, yet man has imposed what is obvious repeated patterns of behavior that consume the experience of the form of the human here on this earth.
I commit myself to realizing , understanding that the devil shows up in the details of the patterns of obsessions and possessions within and as the behavior of humans, where it is possible for myself and anyone to realize this if one stops and breaths and realizes this takes time to see, as what has been taught is a lack of spacial ability to realize and see the obvious, which is what is being accepted and allowed that is so visible through patterns of behavior and the voice of the forked tongue, presenting the happy justifying good to hide the enslavement to a pattern of behavior evident as a constant need, and thus a constant projection into and as an idea that has been made a angelic guide clutched onto in fear of loss, when this is the illusion, as the physical world is the gift to realize self as life.
I commit myself to breathing, to mapping out the behaviors of separation, to realize my own patterns of separation, to piece myself back together as life, to become one and equal to this physical world as the gift of self realization in and as life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that all the heaviness I experience is myself is separation from life,

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I become heavy and want to sleep, I am not looking at how and with what belief, opinion and idea I have created through compounded thought, emotion and feeling, that I have used to direct myself here, in separation from common sense in and as myself as life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that this system of resource ownership by a mono, and utilities to process resource development debted to the poly is a system of abuse, as the very same hierarchy learned in the fourth grade where the upper tiers of this abuse, refuse to see, understand and realize that they are in separation from themselves as life, even down the ladder to the soldiers, many of whom are realizing that they are simply the pawns as the poor being sent to other plots of resource to kill off the poor there so that a mono can own the resource and then turn the raping and maintenance of that resource over to the poly suggesting any manner of improvement in life- the happy face as the only without revealing consequence, taking all profits for themselves and placing in austerity measures, which is in effect simply creating a concession stand, an absolute crime against life, as the resources are not being used in ways that are best for all, so evident in the destructive methods of resources acquisition and use , where they are used up and the earth destroyed as what is here has not been utilized within what is best for all, including the environment in which that resource was mined from.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that there is no reasoning with a polarity that see only itself, as this is the mind, which must stand outside of itself and realize that the projections of the mind made huge are the separation from life, into an energetic storm, like a entity, a demon, lost in a conflict of want, need and desire, chasing instead of being, grabbing instead of giving, raping instead of expressing.
I commit myself to realize all movement within and as myself that validates a character within and as myself through an impatient “snap/tantrum “ of self justification, where often a statement of ignorance is used, such as “ I don’t know” or “this is not possible”, or “we don’t know how to do that” or “ go ask your mother” or “ go ask your father” or “ the lord only knows” or “ it is a mystery” or “ “that cannot be known” as the list goes on and on, where this is a behavioral pattern within existence that signifies only ignorance, as a singular self abdicating action, where all that is needed is an investigation into the mechanics of the present system on this earth and the mechanics of the movement of men as mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, voiced as beliefs, opinions and ideas, suggesting a more than, less than, or ignorant, stance, where in many ways ignorance is hiding within a point of indecisiveness, a worship of an idea of neutrality being good, when in fact if it is not a directive that supports all life, then it is a crime against life, as there is no choice but to support all life, which in common sense does even need a validation of a god or no god, as the human is here, and there is no excuse to not take care of this earth within what is best for all, as praying is in effect begging, which is self abdication within being supportive as being directive within what is best for all. Period,


The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines
Psywar
The Trap
The Power Principle
Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century
Catastroika - Greek Documentary
The Marketing of Madness

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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Day 115 Letting it go.


I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I was seeking a positive experience in and as energy, I was seeking what I labeled as comfort, as being in a nice place, a nice positive place where I attach a positive experience within the negative judgements I have of the world, from which I want escape in not facing what has been accepted and allowed here, as the very non problem solving of ourselves in fear of our own accepted and allowed system creation of inequality, where the starting point was a void lacking common sense of all that is here that is life, that is us one and equal, which have been made so separate that we have aggrandized the separation and believe ourselves as man superior, which in wanting to be superior we are in fact admitting our fear, within this wanting to be more than another instead of becoming one and equal. Thus superiority is actual fear, as it is pushing away what is believed to be inferior as some kind of infection, when the infection will not go away, as the infection is the cause of the drive into some supposed “superior” stance, and within this the infection is not considered and taken care of, only pushed away and thus ignored. Problem not solved, only shoved under the rug, a line drawn through it, covering it and creating a layer as a platform, which is separation. Separation is not solution, it is an act of masking, like placing masking tape over something. The tape and the thing being masked IS STILL THERE and it is not going away, and it is us, all of us. It is a hiding. The  superior stance must get bigger and bigger to hide the tape that hides the infection ( perceived) as the “infection” grows with the superiority “stance” and so the separation grow and grow, and become this huge mass, like a tumor until one cannot deny what is happening, as all that is left, which must be faced is the original infection covered with so many layers of decor to hide what was never faced. And so the tower falls. All the “babel” to hide the infection topples the picture show of justification, inevitable, as all that one has become in allowing the superiority stance to exist is a consumer of what is here to feed the hiding as separation from the original infection of running from the inferior, the judgement, the inception of the in-fear-ior, in fear I (hear/here)or ( ohr- ear in German).
And our emotions and feelings show us, compounds of thought, relationships, where we are judging and believing and accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as that original separation into and as a judgement as the infection of fear from which we run into and as standing on the masking mark we created to hide from not facing the fear and realizing it is not real, and only a separation.
Within this, the only solution is to walk back through all the layers of our own layers of masking tape, remove them, and face the original separation into and as inferior and superior. We have ourselves as common sense to see this, to stop this, to get back to the starting infection of separation into and as more than and less than. I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed, by self forgiving the layers of expression, which as they are in separation and divided, are of energy and not self as sound expression as life here as this is the source and thus the sense, as the commonality of the substance of what we are all, as what is the equality that we are, able to be existent on this earth as common sense, as the organism of life that we are.
A “god” would give this, would share this, be this, allow this, as this is the gift of life here. It makes absolute common sense. We are all equal, and it is only belief that is the idea of something being greater than another, and it is a system of inequality, as profit, that allows some development and others not. A structure creating lack, where on this earth the “lack” is HUGE and growing every day until it all topples and falls under the weight of its own babel of separation supporting ideas of grandeur, all in separation of life, an infection of belief hiding a fear.
As the money has come to represent the “positive” and the real life, the physical, has come to represent the “negative” the lack of development as the physical grows ( disease) and the build up of money for the few grows, the system will tumble, as the superior is masking what grows with and as it, the inferior as the physical in lack. The tower will fall as the ones with the money babel away in superiority standing on soap boxes/platforms masking the infection of fear, used to maintain the illusion and separation from life manifest as energy, this which cannot stand as it is in separation from life.
TIme to clean all of this up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing my own inferiority.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept inferiority, which means I ran from problem solving, I did not use myself as life, in common sense to communicate a solution within what is best for all, and instead separated myself from life, from what is real this physical world, and thus I self created my own lack of expression in and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all projections I have created in and as myself, as the roles and personas,and characters I accepted and allowed to stand as me, instead of as myself as life, one and equal to life of which this physical world is, in an effort to survive within a system of inequality that is a system of separation from equality and thus a system of inferiority and superiority that creates lack for this physical world, and the accumulation of seeming abundance in the form of money for a few who hide from equality as the value as what is the same within each of us that is life, the illusion is superiority.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand all the characters I exist as that can be heard as they are the thought of myself within the desire to be superior and/or the belief that I am inferior, when this is looking at my own accepted and allowed separations and not what is actually physically here, which is myself as myself being within and as common sense as the realization that I am life and that this is the value as what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I am emotional, I am not actually physically here, I am within a desire in and as wanting something, where the being as the wanting of something is myself in separation from life here, as what is real is that everything is here and thus the solution is here right in front of us as life, so, what is here that is creating abuse and lack can be solved into and as what supports life, it is only up to us, as man, to stand up and allow what is here, that is being masked by a stance of superiority and inferiority which is a state of separation, that exists as energy and not the constant in and as life as sound/substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have seen realized and understood that yesterday when I was working with my son, I had to yell at him because a chain saw was going and making a lot of noise, and he stopped and threw a tantrum because I yelled at him and it scared him, and he went into a big emotional storm about how I scared him, and I could not react to this, and he could not “here”, hear me, as he was already within a storm of emotion as fear within the scenario, thus we had to separate, as I also knew he was busy writing a very large paper for his work and was already stressed and in fear of this, which is unacceptable, yet the storm has risen and thus needed to subside. And within this I realize that my starting point with the total action had not been worked out in common sense, so I had to let this go for the moment, yet with the words spoken by my son I could hear the whole litany of his fear and my own which is why I had not started the whole event within common sense. This was not the fault of the woman/man as object but the action with the man and the woman in totality, thus this will have to be walked again within common sense as the very expression of what existed was not clear, and within this any action of blame is pointless, as this is not solution as the means to develop understanding within the whole action required within the event. And within this, for any person to blame another, or to want to abdicate responsibility to and towards anything that exists on this earth, is an act of separation from life, the only “action” available as support, as what one would like to receive, is to move within and as common sense, as equality, all else is separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt shame for what i had accepted and allowed to be developed as my son, within and as an emotional tantrum of blame, where this is also of no common sense solution, the allowance must be realized, forgiven and directed within solution as what is best for all, as giving what one would like to receive as what is best for all, meaning to be no act of blame, but to be the voice within and as common sense in directing within a solution that is best for all.
I forgive myself for having allowed myself to want to escape from facing my own fears as what I have accepted and allowed, as there is a lot of existential separation existent within the present survival/profit based system of inequality where many react within and as their very accepted and allowed separations into and as energy as emotion and feelings, where they fear losing money and what positions that exist within receiving this money to survive, and thus the actions of spite and blame and hiding exist, which are unacceptable and destructive of life, where they agree that this system must change yet do not see that they are the ones, the collection of those fearing change and thus are the cause, as all must stand up within this system, thus waiting for someone else is an act of blame and spite, where verbally it is acknowledged yet no action is taken and this is the only way out, for all within this system to stand and change this system to a system that supports all life, as life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the only solution is to walk the change from existing within separation in and as inferiority and superiority into and as equality utilizing common sense, as what is best for all is best for self, as that any judgement and spite and blame and bullying action cannot touch me unless I accept and allow this, as this is energy and thus inconstant and unstable and has not real ground on which to stand and thus is nothing to fear, as it is fear, as it is separation from what is real, the value that is here, that is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that common sense as self as life is not something to suddenly find and exist as, it is to be realized constantly as self here in every breath , in every moment,  as we have stood within inequality in and as a belief within and as separation from what is real, as life, it will take time to remain constant as being life where taking all that has been allowed in separation back to self and realizing self as life here, as the manifestation of the principle of oneness in equality, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the multiple characters I exist as in an effort to survive, in separation from myself, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was taught to exist within these characters to ensure the survival of myself and my family through my parents as this is the heritage, the heretics in separation from life value within and as abdication of self as life in fear of standing as life, choosing relationships to define self instead of realizing self as life, as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see the character I existed as, as guilt, for having allowed and accepted the behaviors existent within and as  my son.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as the emotion of sadness to and towards my son, as the reactive behavior in and as fear manifest as a tantrum of same “cry” as blame and spite in lack of self as life within and as common sense as solution within the given scenario in which this played out.
I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted a thought of anger to and towards my son, as a character righteous and reactive to behaviors, the being and having of self within and as blame and spite as reaction instead of breathing in and being one with breath, here in common sense within a developing understanding of how the human works as mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings being the signifiers of separation from common sense, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that since I was a woman it would be better for my manly son to have held the chain saw, which was my self existing as the character of the woman and not using my common sense, walking the task slowly, which was a task I had spent time working through and thus I was more prepared to face the job, but I allowed and accepted a belief that it should be done by a man and not myself, as I feared the machine, which is silly because I take care of my own lawnmower etc.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become the character of disgust at the actions of my son, where this was really disgust with myself for not having been self responsible, and also realized within this that my son is stressed and thus inclined to being emotional, and thus asking him to help me was like asking a preoccupation as action to step out of character where there has not been practice within this, yet, this must be done, avoidance is not a solution on another level as well.
Within this, I  forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the character of futility, where I judge there being a “right” moment and a “wrong” moment, as there is only here, and thus no right or wrong moment within and as interacting in common sense of what is here and what existentially exists within the present system.
I forgive myself for allowing and and accepting myself to have existed as the character of the woman alone needing help, believing, within and as an act of self pity, that being alone , here within my existential responsibilities that something is missing, when life is here, and all that is needed is right here, and that there is actually no reason why my son cannot become involved within the requirements in taking care of this place on which I exist at the moment, thus I am not actually alone, it is just an idea in and as my mind that does fits what is propagated as the picture perfect idea of a social structure based on opinions supporting separation from self as life, and supporting a system of inequality by forcing limited expressions as to how life should look, be, present itself in and as.


I commit myself to realizing all moments where I begin to move myself into and as energy as response, as outplay, as emotion and feeling, based on ideas, beliefs and opinions, manifest as characters and personas, as my survival suit, learned in childhood from parents of like suit, where I am actually “following suit” in separation from life, into seeing only what supports a system of inequality as what I have accepted and allowed where I believe myself to be inferior and or superior as I have accepted such definitions of myself through accepting and allowing labels instead of moving myself within and as the life that I am, that which is the substance of what is here, as what supports me, as what I consume in separation from equality as this, as I have learned label instead of self direction as life, as I have made the mind as map maker, as memory holder my directive and not the substance of myself as life, that which is able to exist in oneness and equality as the value is this.
I commit myself to no longer allow the separations of myself into and as energetic reaction as my personality, my survival suit in self interest that was not taught to look at the whole, to see the physical as what is real, and to instead read a screen of memories from a halo around my eyes, that which is held in high esteem in the paintings of out churches and past that actually is a separation into and as a belief that there is something superior beyond this existence when this is in itself a separation from what is physically here, as the substance as life, as this is made a religion, to actually separate and divide us from actually being life here, where should we become one and equal to this physical world we would transcend death and thus realize ourselves as life, as this is the power, as this is what is real, thus is religion an act of separation from life, utilized to create lack within this physical world, to allow a few to create a piece of paper where the resources of this earth are divided unequally creating “more” for a few, thus  commit myself to removing this halo of separation, as a survival suit, a separation, a distraction from life, through the desteni i process, to self forgive this screen that separates and constricts myself into burning and consuming my human physical body into ash and a non-transcendent-of-life death and to correct the being of myself here into and as oneness in equality with the physical, the real tool of life expression, through writing all of this out, to place what I have accepted and allowed into and as words to see, realize and understand what I have allowed in separation from myself as life.
I commit myself to becoming a respect for life, through realizing what i have accepted and allowed in and as my mind, as my thoughts, emotions and feelings, and to no longer allow these to surface as the personality and character of myself to no longer allow this to be what i am here, as I continue to self correct through scripting myself as life, in oneness and equality here, to bring all the pieces of myself back to self to enable myself to stand as life.
I commit myself to realizing there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
I commit myself to no longer connecting fear to what is the directive within and as me here.
I commit myself to, no matter what, allowing the curtains of the mind to be what directs me here, as I remain here, within and as breath.
I commit myself to standing up within the systems of separation, to being the separations into what is directive within what is best for all here.
I commit myself to letting go what rises up within and as me as emotions , thoughts and feelings that are not to fear but to see as an act of separation from myself as life, where I breath, bring this all back to self and let it go.

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Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 82 Being annoyed at my son for smoking pot mother character


Day 82 Being annoyed at my son for smoking pot mother character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to have an inner tantrum  where the voice in my head is criticizing my son for smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be annoyed with my son for  spending time and money on smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to turn this into this emotion of being generally annoyed at my son because he for smoking pot.

I forgive myself for then, seeing everything he does as being annoying.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to slowly build this big energetic presence of annoyance towards my son which will end up in a big “blow out.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all I can do is continue to reveal the effects of pot and slowly get this into his “head” that smoking pot is not in any way solving that which is causing him to want to escape from the world into a zombie state of inaction, and that the solution is to face what he considers a “problem” in and as himself, become responsible and direct himself.

Within myself, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel as though I am failure because I have not managed to stop my son from smoking pot, as pot is ubiquitous within my society, to the point where mothers and fathers I know smoke pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt like a prude because I do not smoke pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that my son is now 19 years old, and must  begin to realize his own actions as “his” actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about what will become of my son if he keeps smoking pot.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I can do, is speak up, and model the walking of myself into and as oneness in equality with what is real, the physical, where he will either take the words I speak, like a seed planted to be used, or he will choose to take the road of consequence, regardless, he will eventually realize himself as life, the play-out is in his hands.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be reactive about my son’s pot smoking, taking this personally as though I am not clear enough, or aggressive enough, when I have tried many tactics, and that perhaps the cumulation of all of this will eventually have an effect, as we are organic robots, and what is placed within us is what we become, unless we stand and become our own directive principle of oneness in equality, which is myself directing myself in and as life, and not as the values so obviously presented and limited within out society through media and family, values of more than and less than, where the color of someone’s skin determines their value, when they are obviously one and the same, especially in a world where it is known that education determines a person’s ability to be successful in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be embarrassed that my son is smoking pot, and to claim I do not know where this comes from, as I never enjoyed pot and thus was never inclined to us this, yet in high school it was everywhere, and at the time, I tried to hide the fact that I did not enjoy pot, as it made me unable to socialize because all I wanted to do was stare at the stars, or at a crumb on the sidewalk where the after experience of any kind of revelation remained unknown and I had no idea what was going on socially  , so smoking pot made me unable to participate socially, which is actually what is happening with my son as he is avoiding facing himself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spend time wondering why I did not end up smoking pot, and why my son is smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be annoyed that my son, who has had an education and done well on tests, has had so much education and opportunity, and yet he is smoking pot and - yes- masterbating, which is actually considered the norm these days, thus all I can do is speak up, again and again, and use how children are programmed, through speaking directives that he will either chose to realize or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that there are times when he has come to me to complain and I just look at him, and he suddenly realizes that he is being an emotion and feeling of infinite design.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to pull back in silence , when he becomes short tempered and exhibits anger, which I must learn to face without emotional reactions of frustration in and as myself, as all there is is the principle of oneness in equality, as he is me and I am him.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, and see the reactions of anger and rejection, as storms in teacups, as tantrums, where blame and spite will not resolve the separations into and as singular beingness as emotion and feelings based on fear and uncertainty, as my son has admitted that he is very afraid of this world, which is, being common sense because this world is a world of inequality, where life is not the value considered, as what is the actions of men is that of survival, as money determines who lives and who dies, and is used by the few to grab all resources for their own self interested benefit, as they as my son -who is a product of this abusive system- are one and the same, lost in a mind of separation into parts having become walking picture screens of memories, following values as emotions and feelings and thoughts that are inconsiderate of their own oneness and equality in and as life, as what is here, as what is constant and the source of what is is that they are in fact, that which has been used to create an alternate reality in and as mind as this was believed to be an existence of more than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, that worry, annoyance and frustration with my son is not the solution, and that perhaps he is simply showing me my own resistances as what I am accepting and allowing.


I commit myself to no longer seeing resistance as a mountain to walk over.

I commit myself to not allowing and accepting myself to make a mountain out of a tantrum, and to breath and to, within breath, see the problem as simple, and to take responsibility and direct myself within this as the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to letting go of tantrums and to realize that if I allow my emotions and feelings to become big, I am actually making a mountain out of something small.

I commit myself to using breath, to bring myself back to myself as life, and to slow down until I can realize what the emotion, feeling and thought, as a character, based on a belief of more than and or potential loss of this supposed more than, as a memory/experience based on my past as what I have been taught to survive within a system that does not support life, and I realize this separation into and as energy and I stop and I direct myself within what is best for all.

I commit myself to stepping out of myself as the mother character of worrying about the future of her son.

I realize that being worry about the future of my son, as his mother, is non-directive within the principle of what is best for all, and that my son will face difficulties as the present system on earth does not support life, but uses what is here to support a system of inequality, a system of survival, where nothing is truly allowed to be developed and all the resource of this earth is to serve the self interest of a few, where the few with the control are also not developing themselves as life, as they spend all their time pulling the levers behind the curtain of separation between the haves and the have nots.

I commit myself to realizing that how this system currently exists will only cause emotions of frustration if I accept and allow this, as what is here is a system that must be walked through and cleaned up to support all life, where this begins with myself becoming myself as life, in and as the directive principle of oneness in equality, where all that is here is realized to be one and equal to myself, where  all emotional separation- as this is what emotion is - can be directed “back” to itself as life and not become a consequence as the illusion existing as a separation from life as an energetic smoke screen of emotions and feelings that are cultivated by a profit based system of greed to maintain ignorance of self as life from being here, all of which has been created by each and every one of us, and accepted and allowed by each and every one of us.


Artwork by Andrew Gable


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