The distraction of the #obstructionist Day 779

Usually, in the morning I wake up and something comes forward within me. This morning, subsequent to talking to someone the day before about learning, what came up is how what we inform ourselves, as what we allow to be placed within ourselves and comes to automate the body. Much like a vaccine is supposed to automatically protect us from a potential pathogen. 

We supposed a future event, and we supposed how something works, and we rush to prevent that event, or look for another way to inform us. Schools as they are now formed, are meant to prepare us for the ‘ real’ world ( of adults).  We go to memorize a form, as a scaffold, of information to ‘ ready’ us for the ‘ real world.’ How can integrating a set body of information, without real experience, lend real knowing? 

Juxtapose this to ‘ forms’ that have come to me in conversations as “ I can’t meditate,” or “ I tried to learn a musical instrument, but I just could not get it.”  Both of these responses show a lack of real self discipline, or, a loss of an ability to FOCUS. How is what is natural come to be believed as something impossible? 

What is it that distracts one from focusing? What is it that distracts one from what we do every day, as focus on something? Why is it that we cannot focus on something that is right here, right in front of us? Could it have to do with forcing something into us, as information without real living practical application? 

We understand that when we practice something, it begins to move with more ease, as automate, meaning, we do not have to “think” about it as much, meaning we do not have to focus on the movement as much because our ability in focusing on it, allows it to be so well known that we can move through it much faster. Our ability to process the form increases in tandem with our ability to place our presence within something. This would mean that we direct what we focus on, and that what we focus on integrates and expedites with recognition within and as our ability to move through it. 

This begs the question as to what we are informing our children as, as memorizing information in a box, in a school? Considering the compounding out of synch behaviors in so many children, can we not realize that a lack of real focus ability is and can only be a consequence of misinforming ourselves? Have you ever really slowed down to LOOK at an autistic child.

Would someone who was mis-informed, become increasingly frustrated to the degree that their lack of effective in - formation causes a reaction of violence/ resistance/ lack of ease, as what frustration is, because what has become to be automated does not allow real self direction in reality? And would a child by the time they are in their late twenties realize that a quarter of their life has passed - because they do have awareness - and that they have no real self control because the information they absorbed is not effective in tandem with their physical dysfunction that in itself is a mis-use of self as life as a starting point absorbed by body in reflecting this same state from one’s environment, that they become so angry, so frustrated there is nothing else but to express complete and udder con- fusion of their lack, because they are a CON- fusion of information that is not lending effective focus and self directive capacity leading to a real effective self creation?  If one really LOOKS is this not what one would see, or realize on some level? We are the most effective machines that can sense this, which reveals great capacity. By and as our real natures, we do want to sort this out, just as, as children, we move to sort, to understand, to absorb and frame, to desire to participate. These drives are natural. We know them. We can forgive what hinders this real nature. 

As well, why are we not using the function of the physical body, as that very thing informed, the way the body was meant to be, as processing viruses and bacteria through the lens of itself, as the layers of the body that “ read” and process what is physically here? Why are we forcing such, directly into the body, like a short cut, without realizing and respecting the functioning of the “ real world” as the physical world that we are supposedly “ preparing” out bodies for? 

Supposedly, the system makes of each a commodity, based on potential growth and “ creation” as a being on earth, via trading one’s projected potential and worth as a sum of money, as being one’s “ account” from which one borrows. Overall, this means that a financial system does the same, a future projection, as an entity, as a structure, assuming the life of one, for gain, of which one has no control, as one borrows on potential and pays back more than what one borrowed, causing a game of musical chairs where inevitably one does not find a seat as one has no control over one’s potential having abdicated it to some authority as a belief that one is not enough, yet that ‘ not enough’ is the false morality accepted and allowed, only seen through a rejection of reality, as the physical and real landscape called life in what it must be, which is creation, as what the physical world is. 

All of the above are scaffolds as forms, working to suppress and control each and every one. This can only have the authority we give it. If comes back to each not realizing effective use of what self as within and as how the physical world works and is the means to learn to express the life that is one. If one cannot master one’s focus, and one’s body is trying to move backwards in a way, against it own natural ability to process, and one is in a construct where the monetary digits of one’s “ creative worth’ are all forms of con-fusing who and what one is, and one does not realize this, as one is so distracted from a lack of real and equal structural awareness to the physical as mis-informed theory ONLY without practical application, where is the beingness of ourselves going to end up?  What is cognitive dissonance? 

Human beings are happy when they really know something. There is a calm sense of expression, and within that, a more clear way forward to the next step. When we really know something, we are no longer thinking, as nothing was ever done through thinking about it, it is, when effective, done with really KNOWING something, that ability to be the master of one’s self, and place one’s presence in something within an effective self direction of one’s presence into the real and living thing as the physical form. 

Thus, when we tell ourselves that “ we cannot do something,” as understand and KNOW something, within effective self direction, we are revealing ourselves to ourselves, as having lost an ability to focus effectively.  And, since we inform as automate what we practice, the lack of focus would mean that there are resonant forms within us, we follow, that are distracting us from real and effective and natural focus on reality. 

Within all of this, what would the proverbial “ eye of the needle’ really mean?  What would it mean when someone says “ we should be able to hear the grass grow” ? It would mean that who and what we really are, is the capacity to KNOW, to really sense, to really see what is that “ reality’ we are supposedly prepared for as adults! 

Therefor, hope without action is meaningless, faith without command is pointless, and knowledge and information without the experience of practical application is useless. Each without living awareness in practical application, is the outcome of a mis-informed set body of information, and a informed inner resonant scaffold that is mis-using the presence that is the means of focusing on the small, the large, and the relationships between physical things as expressions as life that are who and what we are, that are all of the same substance, that are all here in plain sight. 

The way to real happiness, is to focus on the physical, to the degree that one would understand that one could with steady and consistent practice, build a stable ability to place one’s presence into the form and function of that instrument, to effectively build the ability to be in union with that instrument, just as one did with one’s body before all the information of and as the dogma of religion and politics were absorbed as the limited forms of belief, from an environment where the human beings were already a construct of mis-information! ( which reveals to us the great sensibility that is inherent our capacity! ) 

We have to ask ourselves what we see when we have someone standing in front of us that we realize has a huge emotional firewall around them. We have to ask ourselves why there exists any form of conflict within all of this? As the resistance to becoming one with an instrument is a reflection of one’s natural ability not being in effective movement and focus. And, this means that one has lost control of one’s natural ability to be and do so. It means that one is not focused HERE. It means that what one ‘ thinks’ one knows, is distracting one from real presence in reality.  One’s within, is not equal to the without. One’s resonant information, is followed ABOVE what is real, as that instrument, as the grass growing. When one finds one’s self shaking, as a reaction to something - perhaps another form of resonant information- it means that one is reacting in the same expression as flight and fight mode within not realizing that one’s resonant information is being questioned or believed to be in threat where one is stuck in one’s resonant idol of information. That reaction, as resistance, is but a smaller form of that autistic child who has by the time they are in their late twenties, the same form of violence as frustration in not being able to move effectively in this “ reality” that we are supposed to be “ prepared for” within our present educational system. 

It is a math of inequality. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to abdicate my own and natural self responsibility as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand this life, this reality, this physical expression of life, here, in plain sight.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to do the real math of and as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react, as shake within and as my body, I am revealing myself to myself, within and as not being in synch with who and what  I am as a physical being, as realizing all things in expression are relationships of and as values, composing life, as all that is, that is here, and would by design be physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within and as me, as resistance to here, being a separation of and as limited values, as a picture, as sound components as words, allowed and accepted by me,in myself not realizing that all is me, here, of and as the same substance of and as what becomes expression in formation, here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and stand equal and one to and with what is here all around me, as a living relationship in and of and as expressing life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and stand with to correct what friction and conflict I allow within me, that has a nature of a subtle to greater movement of shaking, as behaviors of wanting to run away, or wanting to push against, or wanting to deny, or wanting to gain something, based on my own inner ideological idol of information , resonant and separate, moving more slowly, though appearing to move fast, as the story of information I accepted in separation from being in practical application with what is real and what is all around me, is a limited story line that I can move through as a construct with seeming speed, just as I am able once I really know an instrument, for example, as I gain mastery I can move with more ease within that form, so does my imagination of limited information as a construct of values of and as limited relationships charged with values and of and as a state of not really knowing something, and thus causing and living a dis-ease manifest in the very movements of and as my body, of which is now in extreme behaviors of separation existent in increasing degrees as the children with autism, that reflect lesser extremes of the same behaviors, in the world around me, and thus I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own separation from being present and equal to here, that which I am able to be, as the capacity towards separation can also be the capacity towards equality and oneness with what is real, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I find myself complaining, I am not being present and in relation to what is real as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that movements within and as me as muscle tensions are myself living the information I accepted and allowed to define me, that does not automate my presence, into being at ease and in communication with and as what is here, that is the same as me, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and stand with, inequality and oneness, what is here, and resisting this within and as ignoring what is right in front of me, here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  within and as my separation I am quite literally watching a shadow world in and as my mind, where the knowledge and information I accepted and allowed is within my physical body, in the very muscles as these muscles are what tense up, as restrict as the information I accepted and allowed as me, does not fit, is not equal to, what is real, as the physical, and when and as I focus on this limited resonant construct I lose all real focus on this reality, and move to force my resonant belief system onto this reality, to survive, in self interest, and in some place within myself, I realize what it is that I am doing, and the real shame within and as me, is this realization that I see, realize and understand what it is that I am allowing, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all my resistance in and as my behaviors of in effect self hate, as they are myself in resistance to life as the physical as the practical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that, for example, when I do not recognize a person I have known more from a distance, and upon meeting them up close without recognition, I am revealing myself to myself as living within set planes of time, as value judgements indicating a separation from being in awareness as being present, in this physical and practical reality here, as this is life, as this is creation here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust myself, within and as realizing to some extent what I was seeing within my autistic nephew, before Desteni, where I asked the question through describing what I was seeing within him, that he looked like he was completely out of synch in some way, like a mix up of all the anxieties within my family, thus, I can see, realize and understand what is here as the separation from who and what we really are as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I resist something, within and as seeing here, sensing something is out of tune, to stop and NOT ONLY define, and realize separation within and as my secret self, but to bring this forward and speak up, to speak out, beyond reactions as all reactions are the process of sorting things out, and are but a slow processing as a dimension of a sequence of belief, as a timed event, in a world of and as no time, as the physical as being present, and to see realize and understand by degree as the small ignored as the practical, to bring things back down into focus here, to rebuild presence in equality and oneness with and as what is real here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my nephew, in his teens when visiting walks around in his own world, having conversations with himself, as so many of us do, within and as not being present here, within and as not realizing that nothing was ever solved within thinking, but in practical application here, in respect of what is real as this ‘ reality’ we are ostensibly taught to function within and as as the ‘ good’ promoted by the present school design, which is a format that though touting a good, is acting in building a separation from this reality, and the means to cause separation as manipulation of information which if accepted is the responsibility of and as being in self abdication of and as self as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to investigate all forms as all actions from an authority as a system of men, that is a consequence of myself not being in self responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that consequence of my own lack of real presence in this reality, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be present here, in this reality.

When and as I find myself resisting, within and as being tense, as opposed to being in focus, where I know and feel more stable, as a state we all know, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I realize a living relationship as who and what I am to this reality here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself believing that being here means a loss of something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to who and what I am, as a living relationship, as relating to what is here, in practical applicative terms to practice rebuilding the substance in and as who and what I am as life, to see directly here, to create equality and oneness in presence of this reality here.

When and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop and I breath and I assess and investigate the emotional pulls as the polarities within and as me as beliefs, opinions and ideas, and I forgive what is a hyper inflated value judgement to ground myself here, equal and one within and as breath, to here, to creation that is life in formation.

When and as I find myself acting in self interest, as not considering all things I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in the physical to respect life.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, I slow down, I stop and I breath, and I assess myself as the focus of what I am allowing within and as projections, resistances and self imaginations to realize consequential protections and defenses as reactions of and as fear, moving into judgement, as disempowerment, as hate, a actions of blame and spite towards others and against self, into my own constructed sense of and as feeling overwhelmed and a belief in the impossible when I am possible as the ability to transform and change in a moment to not act  in self interest, as an act of separation from this living reality that is physical, to instead realize practical applications in thought word and deed in accord with this reality as creation as the physical here.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as believing something to be impossible, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand how my own separations are a busyness in a narrow value judgement, as words moving nowhere, to see, realize and understand that patterns of value judgements of and as protection and defense, as a shadow world of a personification of limited values, here, I stop and I breath, and I realize the pulling of the strings of value judgements as a means of manipulation with few words, probably at a sixth grade level - so to speak- as separation is composed of limitation, thus to speak to the limited construct and lend real structure to and towards bringing hyperinflation as ideas, beliefs and opinions, back down to earth, as this is the ‘ zone of proximal development “ of and as separation from self as life, here, thus to speak to that, which means to manipulate, and yet in the order of what is best for all, here, to begin to journey to reverse life, into equality and oneness here. 

A dream coat of a mind-consciousness projection Day 777

If I want presence of and as all things, I have to become that presence. This means I have to hear the life around me as the physical reality.  Facing the metaphysical bubbles of self interest, that move as a colored energetic emotional swirl, visible in the subtle and visible strings pulling the flesh this way and that, are but small, in comparison to this living practical and physical reality. Ever present, if what is unique - lol ‘uni-que’ is like one quest, self honesty. . If I fear that, I am fearing myself, because despite the mannered values that are monopolistic, there, is always something unique that cannot hide, in each individual. If that remains constant, despite the separation into persona, can I realize myself within and reacting to bringing that forward? 

I write here, to script things out, to see where I am, and to construct ‘ takes’ in my process of birthing life into the physical. I realize, in learning how to crawl, there will be mis-takes. they are always gifts towards balance. It is learning to play an instrument. 

I watched a video of someone this week. In the situation I had been half listening to a person speaking, as the focus in the interaction had  changed from one thing to another. While I was busy transitioning, I moved, in the room, towards a video. My presence was still in the previous moment. I saw the person in the video, in the whole context from another lens. The person appeared to me to be someone I know, who I have watched on videos many many times. Form that lens I thought, why does this person in the present video have a flattened nose! lol, that was the thought that came up, from a presence colored with immediate comparison of past forms imposing themselves on the moment. Not necessarily a ‘ bad’ , yet myself not immediately present. When I moved closer to the video, and the person came more into focus, as did I, what I could see is the movements of the person I had delegated to the image in my mind, and what was in the forefront as I picked up more details of the physical movements in the person in the video. It was like a morphing of many different things; my experiences, from many dimensions, at a distance of experiences to more self understood ticks in my own movements. The person in the video became their own person, and appeared like a kind of puppet, moved by many emotions. This hit me so hard, it appeared so extreme. I recognized some of my own patterns. All I can say is that when it is said we walk in a valley of smoke and mirrors, known as emotions and feelings, based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, as accumulated thoughts creating actions and deeds, we are doing this, and it is extreme. Yet, at the same time, it is so small, a tiny part of ourselves. Though this is as far as I got, because to say I sense what the wholeness might be, I cannot, too in focus on the techno colored swirling in the flesh, was I. It is like ‘ oh shit!” lol.

I have a tendency to move to the greater stage, as the world platform, perhaps to avoid seeing my own self.  I find bringing the movements of the larger scale, in relation to my immediate environment helpful. As though understanding something from a distance helps me to face myself.  And yes, this is the same game as the use of metaphor. The parables, as the symbols, the objects made subject, enable me to begin to realize what I adhere to as reaction, that can then be brought back to self. Like backwards analysis. Is this a form of hiding? 

The practical application, the solution is always right here. The power is too or more in my name, as what calling something out by name, bring the obvious here, and makes it re-cognizable in what it is. Calling things out by name, removes the control of them because it is through lack that things become confusing, and this, accepted by the self, because reality is always right here. This is how the whole public school, be design, is the means of the creation of cognitive dissonance, which because of its starting point to be such, has created, as accumulated into such, as we see all around us, in reality, in every town, as the growing cognitive disorders, known as ADHD, ADD, autism and dyslexia. It is a processing disorder, done by acceptance and allowance, done by design. Memorizing the stories of the victors, creates a interference of form, distracting from the practical, and causing a disconnect from real capacity, which is an acknowledgement of capacity. It is the maintenance of creating bubbles of information to direct the person, causing mis-takes in practical living. Cognitive dissonance is acknowledgment of separation. It is like being stuck in rudimentary learning, or RULE I MENTally have acclimated to and as that directs me, where what I was in the box, of sounded storied information, does not fit into the real math as the living and breathing world around me. After all, we all admit that we need to get back to nature, which is the admission that we need to INCLUDE all things, as the physical. Our segmented rulings, as our beliefs, that we have habituated to the extent they are more real than what is here, is a interference math, that does not fit into the sound of life, that is all things around us. We need to wake up all of who and what we are.  We need to play the instrument of and as who and what we are here.

Okay, so I am watching this video, of this person, and I am astounded by the moving and swirling self directing beliefs, within this person. I begin to sort, to find some grounding. It is from here, that I realized to look for what is eternal, and yet, realize, to some degree, I avoid because it means really looking at myself. Yet, as the same time, because I am of mankind,  I find myself somewhat overwhelmed. As a man, having information is calming. On a quantum level, things move in quantum ways, meaning one does not learn one part to then add, one must being many parts into balance; clarifying more, also clarifies what yet needs to become more focused. Meaning , I can focus on the lack ONLY, or I can realize, as well, the sense of being in calm the capacity to realize information lends. 

Reacting this to another event this week, brings forward how much in reaction I can allow myself to get lost within, was a meeting where a person constantly used endearments when speaking with others. Meaning, her frames of information - which were interesting and insightful- were always framed with ‘ honey’, or ‘ dear’ or ‘ sweetie.’ I find such annoying, because it is not real endearment, it is endearment used to soften a person before making a statement. Effective in some ways, distracting in others. It presupposes a deeper connection, it is like giving a present to place a person in ‘ giving mode,’ before one has any idea of what one agrees to and towards. Yet this is my take on it, despite it being an obvious tool of control of protection. It cannot determine who and what I am unless I allow it. Within this, I could feel the pull, the polarizing as the sound as the words of value judgments coming forward. I was both aware of the device, annoyed by it, and the movement within me, of and as the lending of pity for me, in a way. I responded within me as realizing the self pity I accepted and allowed.  It is being pulled into a personification, to change the narrative and never allow it to move beyond a certain framework. What is real, might just be uncovered. Since hate is always self hate, meaning we know we are not being responsible, self responsible,  wanting acknowledgement of my own self pity, is like being told , “ it is okay, yes it is sad.” and then not moving into introspection and self correction. Yet, this is the mode in which we are stuck! This is how limitation is used to suppress a state of being where there are no problems only solutions, in this physical and practical world. This is the story of a mind consciousness of separation, in plain sight. 

Dare I LOOK at what is eternal, and stand here? This means, DARE I LOOK at myself? DARE I process this reality, no longer being effected by a false morality composed of limitation, as the game of good and evil instead of respecting life that is physical, to realize what does no harm? There is no other choice. 

If I look at taxation, I can see everything we do in this reality with a construct of legal means is imposed as accepted, as the starting point is ourselves, creating the ending point/construct. We are living in ‘ going to the movies’ mode, where we pay to watch our own disassociation of ourselves. In order for that tax - to live- to end, each must accept this life. The gift is that sense one gets when enough information is realized to lend a sense of clear self direction, because we are happy, truly happy when we are effectively engaged, and unhappy when we are not. 

I can become present here, remain steady with here. My projections are okay, as I can recognize them and ground them. I can see the valley of good and evil, superimposed on the physical, like a swirling techno colored DREAM coat, using metaphor and parable to hide within itself, through distraction of a storied mis-information in separation and of fragmented knowledge and information made larger than reality as the physical. LOL, when will we realize that this was done by the supposed reptilians, and was a further intensifying of what we had allowed within ourselves, thus there is no one to blame and no reptilians doing anything to us, as it could only be done through acceptance. Time to respect the living, breathing, physical reality as who and what we really are here. As life, we are untouchable. As personality, we are walking death of life.

I become what I allow Day 757

Today I am going to look at self pity, that heavy and slow belief that one is not good enough.  It is composed of projecting an idea that one cannot do something. 

There are two points here as I see it, one is that one focuses on the lack, that something cannot be done, and another is that that focus denies one from problem solving. This means that one does not have enough information to walk what would be moving towards a goal that one has. 

Imagine if one is playing a piece of music, and does this. In this respect one simply stops playing, or gets lost if one is moving in a performance. One gets stuck. Obviously, one cannot go into self pity, because one cannot then focus on self pity and what one is doing. The self pity creates a lag that eventually catches up as it grows and takes the attention away, and then one gets lost. One is not focused on the real information.

I would want to hide this self pity. I would not want anyone to know. And, in this moment, I realize that when I expressed self pity, the outcome was usually not what removed the self pity. Looking at that self pity, and finding solution to remove it was the only way out. 

What self pity, the state of feeling sorry for one’s self, does is show us that we become what we allow. We become the math of what we allow within us. What we allow -as an idea, that is most likely one of resistance to more information - takes on a life of its own, it becomes a time-line of and as a conversation within, as a holding onto a belief. Just as a action or movement of being focused and moving in the presence of what is real and composed of as this physical world into consistent focus can build real understanding, This is understanding that is clear stable and able to be spoken about with clarity, A story line of self pity if not cleared becomes a series of movements directed by that self pity, which is a focus on a lack that perpetually seeks validation that never solves the problem and change of focus that would remove the self pity. One builds an entity in separation. One becomes an event horizon of movements in separation from being focused on reality. This leads to stagnation and behaviors of protecting that self pity, creating justifications for it. It has a sluggish processing quality to it as well.

In so many ways, this is why the physical, as the real and tangible world around us is a cool starting point, because it is what we all share that grounds us into what moves as creation, to realize what we allow within ourselves. It is to say that we need one another to have an equal starting point, which is why only allowing what does not harm is so important.

Also, what I notice, is that when one is in some emotional and feeling entity within as belief, there is this shakiness that actually does not feel like a constant, that does not feel stable. I ask myself what this is and realize that I can use this to understand what I am standing as, because what I have found is that this is a fear, it indicates where I am not at ease, where I am not being really focused on the practical to the point where I feel calm about looking at what is here and voicing my perspectives with ease, even if my insights in the moment are not what is best, I don’t worry about whether that insight is going to be accepted or not. Sometimes in such situations, I may bring an insight forward that is not ultimately accepted yet it triggers more insight leading to solutions. Also, I don’t always feel the need to input some perspective, which is okay too.  

That sense of shaking, is a cool red flag in what I am allowing within me. It is where I can slow down, realize any defense in the form of a thought of justification, or a physical resistance, and breath, check myself to see why I am not being stable, and at ease. It is where i can look to realize what i have allowed that has become a story within me, as a belief, and check what that movement is, as energy, indicating fear, indicating where I am not looking in practical presence of physical living, and remove a focus on a lack, and accept a focus on the practical reality. 

Thus, a un-quiet movement within myself, that can be sensed as a state of instability, is actually myself lacking being focused in and on reality. When I notice this, it means to slow down and look at what is practical. It means to slow down and look at what information I have allowed to define me, and to look at the means of the default overall ALSO being the means of the correction as taking the time to investigate what has caused this lack of focus and finding the means that direct this lack into greater certainty in action, and focus on that solution, Then it means to rescript that solution, to make it more real than the resonant story/voice/focus of insecurity.  I mean, this is the same action that one uses, as presence to move one’s self into greater understanding, it is how things are built. Nothing can direct one but what one accepts and allows. Thus each is responsible for what is within the self. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand any and all times I become a visibly sensorial presence of uncertainty within and as myself, that has the quality of a shaky feeling, a sense of a seemingly intangible vibration within me, and to not see, realize and understand that this is myself, as what i have accepted and allowed to define me, as a separation from being present and practical in this living reality, this physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this is myself not being focused and present here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within this I can recognize this, slow down, breath, call this out by name, and correct, which can be done by recognizing the name of the uncertainty causing me to shake, and finding the math, the word, the means of what focuses me here, in the practical, in the moment, of which, I have breath to allow me to remain present to see realize and understand what I am allowing within and as me, as this is understood as to how this all works, as allowing the fear to grow is the same that allows presence to remain here. 

When and as I find myself beginning to shake within and as me, I stop, I slow down and I breath, I stand firmly on the ground and focus here, not resisting what i have allowed, simply realizing it for what it is, and slowing down to be present in this reality as the physical, realizing that what I allow to exist is what I allow to build within me, that comes to define me, and to, within breath, to self correct through accepting the life that is me, one and the same, as the physical reality here. 

What SPELLS have I cast, what SPELLS has Hillary Clinton cast? Day 716

Within playing the violin, I had to be aware of the muscles in my body because if they tensed, that tension built and then I was occupied in sorting that out and lost focus on what kept my place in the music, which was moving in those around me. 

At the moment, I am aware of energy moving in me. There appears to me to be a lot. Yet, someone reminded me that the energy is really very very small. It only appears huge. This is cool from one perspective because it reveals how by nature of our self as life, our presence, we can narrow our focus down to the smallest of things, and we can sense the whole of what is around us as well.  The energy within me , is where I accepted and allowed myself to focus for an extended period of time, on ideas, beliefs and opinions, that I did not resolve and balance back into reality, as all things, which includes the manifestation of form as the physical.  

What I notice is how much I have thoughts falling down into my body. Instead of myself cross-referencing what is here, I am projecting value judgements based on what I practiced as an abstract idea,  down from my head into my body. It is like this thick soup, heavy, dark, like a tar falling from within me.  It moves into various parts of the body, even into my chest.  There it resists addressing this very same thing in others, such an occupation of myself that problem solving because secondary to protection . 

I have a fear of people, which is related to another fear I have, as a paranoia of the paranormal. This, built in childhood, most probably because my parents were the same as me, as they absorbed this mis-take on reality from their parents, because that is the nature of life, to sense all things. This leads to realizing that the only thing to choose is that which does no harm, or, the choice is to move within what transforms in ways that do no harm- otherwise how does one learn how to create?  This is why my words must relate to this physical world directly. Each measure as each word, must trigger a relationship, as a respect of, what is here manifest as the physical.  This is living in consideration of all things. Within this, I would have no alternate reality of value judgements less than life, heavy, within and as me; this energy falling and moving around within me, that I accepted and allowed.

Just as in playing the violin, no one can do this for you but yourself, it does not matter who you absorbed that lead to this mis-take in reality as being the cry of why this has happened. This is not living solution; instead, in complaining one is that which one is being when one blames another, that other that has to do the same- no matter what.  Also, playing the violin, as an analogy here, means that one cannot understand until one is that capacity. In this world this means knowing one’s words and aligning them to reality. Then, to process this information with ease, to catch up to what has been a mis-take within and as one’s self, to see the patterns, to realize the movement, of which I am sure I have more to discover, as some are so subtle, within my own habit of resistance to life, that lead to a resistance to change, that lead to me separating myself from physical reality. 

As some may know, my husband committed suicide. I remember a time when I could see this coming, and a day, specifically, where I stood there in the hallway of our apartment at the time, and said to myself, “ what is it about he words” as I attempted to sort out what I could sense coming. Also, as I stood in front of a fourth grade class, and realized that the children were all over the place in their focus ability, and that all I could do is rebuild, just as I did when I taught the violin. It meant moving into the smallest measures and practicing them until they were stable, so that the presence of the person could expand to greater awareness of the space around them, or the information within an equal relationship to the space around them.  Those who know destini is related to Bernard Poolman must realize that what he did, as he was a stuck in his mind as the rest of us, that he had to process the information in this reality as words, to begin to see the patterns of the present system, and his own patterns of belief, to assess why there was so much destruction and not enough creation on this planet called earth. 

I can say, from the point of my own experience up until now, that realizing the energy moving within me, took time, and has more development towards realizing this. From the perspective of having and being within this, that energy appears to be so real, and so huge, that a perspective from within that, will believe, as in the will having accepted this, that that energy is real and all that is when it is not.   It is to say, that if you do not see the grass growing then you are not here, you as have I, rejected what is real, the physical world, for a false construct of ideas that is an entity within you. I cannot remember yesterday because I was not there, I was instead in a construct of information, limited and by such nature stagnant, within and as me, as energy.  Therefor, I have no real constancy, as life, because I was not in attention to life, as the physical.  I accepted a polarized story of information, that layered within and as me, becoming a personality of likes and dislikes, and believing that I had wants needs and desires that made me unique and special, when what was special, or is special is being life, being here, creating and living. 

In all, one has to get one’s processing speed up, one has to see, realize and understand that SPELL within and it manifestation as a world system that is not aligned with respect of all things, as the physical world, which is creation, which is the means of ourselves being in expression as life here. One has to catch up, so to speak, to the spin of energy, composed of ideas, beliefs and opinions , which means one must process the words as their spin holding the system in place AND as the constructs of value judgements within one’s self.  One could say that this started with religion, those first tech buildings filled with song and colored windows. One could say this started with agriculture, creating imagery, as icons of objects from nature, giving them a meaning within one’s self that was just this, a value within in separation from the real physical thing.  Thus, here we are, on earth, perhaps the last bastion of somewhat functioning physical creation, compounded down to a single point as this is all that is left from a race who idolize what is within without respect towards creation.   A respect and care towards all things is the only choice, as this is the real nature of life. It is the innate capacity of each of us. It is who and what we are as life. 

In all, I must realize my own SPELLS, to bring myself back to who and what I am as life, to stand, equal and one in respect of physical reality, as this is creation information.  If I cannot process the information as the spells, as my word relationship within energy/value judgements , then how will I realize my own accepted and allowed legerdemain that is an inferiority to life as that which is who and what I am that is my own separation from being present and equal to the will of and as me as life, here. 

Am I SPELLING courage or am I spelling chaos, as limitation and stagnation are a form of chaos filled with  projecting and imagining blame and worst case scenarios, gloom and doom, fear and reaction instead of problem solving.  Have I managed to move information, as the spells of men, to such a degree that I begin to see the patterns of my own accepted and allowed separation into limitation and by form, stagnation into a consequence of an energetic reaction  called value judgements that in space is so small yet made so huge, that an idea of that inform that I have accepted and allowed appears to be real, yet is not?  What am I spelling with this gift of life that is me? 

I mean have a look, Hillary Clinton evidently has Parkinson's dis-EASE,  how was that lack of ease, that lack of being present, created? From what was this limitation and physical stagnation built? As yourself, can you hear the grass growing, are you playing the instrument of you as life, or are you caught in a dream called energy? I would suggest increasing your processing of the spells speed, and self forgive this limitation that is a separation from life. It is stagnant - visible in a fear of change.  Would you want this for yourself, do you want this for this children to come? 

Day 693 The system mirrors what I accept and allow over time.

The night before last, I reacted to some information. I had to breath and slow down, reforming my  value judgement into a practical measure that realized an outcome that would be what is best for all. I have to realize what forms I am within, change and reorder over time. What appears as one way, can change in the future, and as long as things are supported under the current paradigm/structure, to remain in place.

I noticed the next evening, at about the same time, I suddenly felt uneasy, and I realized it was the residual emotions of the subsequent evening.

Also, the other day, while working in my yard, I noticed movements within me would rise and then settle. I had walked so many of these movements, calling them by name, that I could call them out and say no. This is not who and what I am, this is not what I will allow to define who and what I am here. 

Also, in talking with parents, I notice that I fear calling something by name, as though it is an effrontery to call something out. And yet, there are moment when I did so and it was accepted by the parents. Other times I have had parents shut down, through up their arms and say, it is not my responsibility or, “ I do not have the time.” Even here, I have told stories, lines of form that covey an outcome.  I have walked the means in detail. It is that line where I still blame myself for not getting the horse to drink the water.  And it is this point that sometimes I forget that it is not what I have said, or how I have said it, is that that it needs to be said again, as the reactions must clear, and the ground seen, to use a metaphor here. This is to remember, just as I remember myself from my own storms, to ground myself here, in the moment, remembering how what I allow as measure, can become me if I allow it, and that the same means is to place that awareness into continued cross reference with the reality around me and, even the forms created in ignorance of what is real, the physical. In each and every breath, nothing can define who and what I am. I, as life, can become master of myself. This is myself accepting the gift that is life.

I read this article this morning, and for me it not only described how our systems are formed over time, it also describes how we are formed over time. It describes the means to the end.

Then, in this article, we can realize the deception that really mirrors what we allow within ourselves in self interest, how we protect through ignorance, how we allow something in one situation and not in another. We can use a ‘ bad’ an accepted knowledge about something to take something out, and yet, ignore that same information when it does not suit our goals. In this instance, the system entities ignore depleted uranium  ( go to  7:00 minutes)  and yet arrest a man for having it on his presence.  And, how this reveals the reality of the substance, ignored by those we look to because they have a piece of paper that says they know. They do know, they choose to ignore it, because they fear losing their job over the children of this world.  Within this scenario and realizing how we work, which is obvious if we take the time to look, it becomes obvious that what we allow informs the system. The consequences will reach through one’s self interest of protection and self defense in allowing ignorance to keep that job. 

It is revealed that our water in America is now filled with toxins as a consequence of drugs and pesticides. This means that that which was ignored, is all around us. And our children are manifesting the consequences to the extent it si becoming an elephant in the room. Those things we ignore to keep that job, the accumulate, just as my judgements accumulate in my body, revisiting me in space and time, as a measure, as a belief that is not equal to what is best for all, what is a measure that is equal to the present moment, what is a measure that allow me to focus myself here, in clarity. 

Remember, as within, so without, as above, so below. We as physical beings are the pivotal point of life, as the physical is life information.  Real abundance is being present here, taking that which is good and does no harm. Everything else is a separation from life. 

Day 676 Becoming aware of emotional/feeling bodies on my physical body. Who am I within Presence?

Lately, I have noticed while interacting with others, that a moment can happen that appears like a swoon, as how I want to describe it. It happened specifically while sitting with another person, where I noticed their body swung in my direction and they laughed. It appeared like a movement coming towards me, one that I could respond to or not.

I also noticed this week, that while I was talking to a group, that within scanning the group, I had a couple of imagination/voices/ideas come up in relation to some of the people in the group.

What corrective statements I have written out within walking the destini i process helped me to ground myself back into what I was doing.

These imagination/voices/projections were not myself being present and focused on the context of what I was doing. These inner projections/voices/idea ‘ entities’ had nothing to do with myself and were not the ground on which I stood in that moment.

I could begin to see this effect on my body, as it was as though that ‘ swoon’ was around me as me, I reminded myself where I was, and who I was and what I was doing in that moment.

I realize I was in the process of balancing out the mind, physical and self, to ground myself in being present. 

I is interesting as what helps me within this, is my musical training. Why? Within playing in a group, one must learn to extend one’s presence to the other sounds as all the instruments in the group. They are a moving measure, intertwined and formed. This helps myself, as what I am doing, remain balanced within the whole. Within this, I am myself, and I am all the other parts too. If I separate from this awareness, I begin to lose my sense of place. I cannot blame anything around me, as it is my self responsibility to remain grounded in the moment. Nothing can distract me unless I accept and allow it. And, since I can sense the parts and the whole, and move within this, checking this and checking that within and without, my capacity has no bounds unless I limited this presence. I determine my focus, my presence.  

This presence, is so fluid, that it can sense when I am not focused, it can sense what I am being, what I am allowing within myself. It can sense what moves through the mind, as the thoughts as the back chats and the imaginations and the projections, just as I did when speaking to a group. None of this comes from without, it comes from within. Yet, as in sitting with another in close proximity, I can notice a change in the person, the parts of which is the details I may not pick up, and yet I can understand that this is the same as myself, a momentary projection directing the experience. Even this need not define who and what I am.

Within this, I, before walking the process of self forgiveness, writing and self correction as the very measure of me as thoughts, words and deeds,  very often complained about the spatial awareness of people around me.  As an adult, I often wondered as to why the adults around me and my friends were losing their spatial awareness. This manifested in my friends and strangers not being able to do the simplest of tasks that required spatial ability. It was one of the questions that was always there. 

In an interview on Eqafe,  emotional and feeling body effects are likened to a train running on tracks on the earth’s surface. When we are near the train moving on tracks, we can feel the vibrations of the train through the earth’s surface.  Those thoughts/imagination/projections as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are polarized into emotions and feelings as fearing some form can define me, and/or running to some form as an idea can define/promise, are not myself being present here. In effect, they are what separates myself from expressing myself in normal ways here.  It really begins to be like walking through the valley of shadows, and the ‘ shadows ‘ can be sensed just as the reverberations of the train moving along the tracks through the earth.

Such ephemeral shadows, can be a gift. These ephemeral presences that rush and dissipate as they have no real presence, can be grounded back into what is normal, as being present here, within the means to self direct as that which senses this, as that which senses the physical world around me! 

Thus, I can, in every moment, ground myself in what is normal, in the practice of being present here, no longer allowing judgments about a good or a bad to define who and what I am, as the practice of being myself here is expressing consideration for all things within what I would want for myself . This is respecting all things as the physical world, being equal and one with and as it. to direct my actions in ways that do no harm. 

Emotional and Feeling Energy is created by your Mind Conscious System.  Are you running towards empty as memorized mis-takes on reality, as self judgements, or are you here, present, living, breathing, calm?  

Day 633 The point of pride, riding a desire to participate.

The point of pride, riding a desire to participate.

In writing some SF today, I noticed a point of pride. I have noticed this point of pride as an impetus to do something, but have not realized the distraction of even a small measure of this as how I direct myself in living here. 

Yet, there is was, some pride riding another desire to participate in living, like a statement within me as ‘ I can move, as participate within this’ or that activity. The thought of ‘ I can’ coupled with the the excitement of participating and feeling proud to do so. Such a subtle thing, but a distraction none the less, and not a self honest directive in assessing what is before me, and moving as what is best for all. That subtle desire motivating me, instead of common sense in the moment.

A desire to participate in life is a good, yet it is a natural thing, because of what I am as a physical state of being. As an idea, in and as my mind, I race forward as this, instead of just being here. And also, I can see, in what has been allowed as a collective social construct, our system is like a revolving door construct of survival, so venturing forth means taking a risk, and this means that that game of this is the only thing seen, making it more complex and scary than need be. If I remained grounded, here, would it appear as something that is a risk or something that is more a smoke and mirrors show, that can only direct me if I accept and allow it, as this earth and how this earth functions is all around me, the harm being done obvious, when one steps out of self interest, and respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself in and as  a gain, in and as a belief as a thought that “ I can participate.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to participate, meaning being a desire, instead of a directive principle in and as an impetus of doing what is best for all as a starting point, which is myself moving in common sense instead of as idea, belief and opinion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I can participate”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an excitement in and as an energy of “ I can participate.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see the negative polarity within and as this as a judgement that I cannot somehow participate

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting  myself to become a belief in and as a thought, as an idea, based on a morality of good and bad, danger and safety, that I cannot or that I can participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to in tandem with this, become a energy of pride, in and as self aggrandizing myself as a belief, which is a judgement, within and as a belief of good, in and as a motivation as idea, that ‘ I can participate.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that I am acting in self interest as a starting point

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing wrong with participating in what is here, in and as simply being here, as the joy of being a physical state of being as life in expression as life information here.

When and as I find myself becoming excited, in and as wanting to participate, and as such being motivated as an energy of rushing, or jumping in, or watching for in entrance to participate, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I check myself within and as me, to become brutally honest with myself, to cross reference what I have allowed within, and what is around me without, to see, realize and understand that which would consider all things, taking that which is good and that which grounds me here, and I realize a movement that is one of ease, as in not based on idea, as an addition of rushing in, an action colored with pride, hidden in excitement, and I, after assessing myself as the world around me, then realize myself as life, as that which moves with ease, monitoring my breath, to ensure that I move as the directive principle of oneness and equality, as that which is good and does no harm, to stand equal and one with and as life here.

When and as I find myself missing my breath, especially when I am around a crowd or group, and sometimes even when I am alone, I stop, I slow down, I breath, until I am grounded, and I assess myself within and the world of life in expression as the physical information around me, and I ensure I am calm, at ease, my breath moving with ease, and I direct myself in brutal self honesty in and as joy, in and as an ease of respecting the physical as life, as myself, where nothing can be lost and all can be gained as this is a movement of myself, directing myself equal and one with and as what I am which is life.