The resonant seed of time lines of and as myself Day 763

In my thirties I realized within the discipline of playing the violin that there were interferences within my ability to focus that were getting in the way. I did not realize the depth of this, yet I did realize that being focused was the way forward at the time. 

In some unconscious way, when I found destini I joined, lent my full name, and did not turn back. For me, because of this experience,  and experiences with the white light, there was nothing else, it all made sense. 

In walking a time line of the events I allowed, as the actions as responses I lived,  I opened up a memory of myself running outside , as a child, to a tree. I go and I sit next to the tree, and I am in an emotional chaos. Why? Because I knew that I had created something that was still with me,  had created, through my actions, a presence that hovered behind me as me. I knew, as that, probably somewhere between 6 and 7 that I had created what I was running from, that was with me. It took a few time-lines to uncover this.  It has to be before the second grade, because the tree I ran to was in the place I lived before second grade. My family moved from one state to another between 1st grade and second grade. 

This memory in tandem with my experience in my thirties of realizing I had an interference of emotional memories in regards to focusing on playing, for me, make it clear that the spells we create with our words, outlining our behaviors, becoming our personalities, are of our own creation, through acceptance and allowance.  

I am also someone who has gotten good grades in school. I remember studying things and at first, with something new, it was really slow. Yet as I read, and focused on the material, it began to build within me enough that I could talk about it. I always knew when I understood the material because I felt secure in talking about it, even when it was not the whole story, as I was taking something in, in  a bubble, and regurgitating it. It had no practical relationship to reality.  It is like sitting in a room, creating shadows and then talking about the shadows, even if the information composing the shadow, has some validity.  

What is interesting, is this is all  a math. Meaning, for example, when my children were in school, I would say to them that they should do well, in all subjects in grade school, because it was all a different language.  My one son studied art in college. Yet, when he was in grade school, I would not let him become the ‘ artist’ type that only did well in art. He was required to at least grasp the basics of other subjects. Hence, even in practical terms,  I was aware that subjects were all a different language.  It is understood that when one learns one language, it is easier to learn another.  

Within this, I want to look at another aspect of all of this that i allowed to once again happen , the other night.  Background first; When I had gone back to school, there was a professor who would tap their foot at they interacted with me. I could barely hear what they were saying, at first, because all I could do was hear that tapping foot under the table. I had to pull myself together and attend to their words. Yet, that tapping foot remains as a memory, coming forward, all loud within me! lol

Two nights ago, I was talking with this woman, who had this same kind of ‘ tick’ about her. I was allowing this to upset me, and bother, me. What I did was begin to use facts. I just started listing them.  I could say, in using facts, I was protecting myself from the self accepted bother of hearing her ‘ ticks.’ Physical ticks are like static to me on the television, like when an image comes in and out.  I was really keeping myself study and stable with information. Meanwhile, in the background I was watching her ticks. lol

Physically, her body would twitch. She was trying to control this. She kept asking me questions.

What is interesting here, is that she was doing the same thing I was doing. She was using question as looking at the subject as the words as the shield to ground herself from her own resonant seed of information. I mean it is not all bad, as we do tend to realize on some levels what is going on, and attempt to organize our ordinariness accepted and allowed. 

The moment i caught myself doing this, I stopped. I summed up with words what I wanted to say, to round out and stopped. Talking in protection and defense, creating a shield against something, is allowing that thing to be huge, it ends up going nowhere.  The conversation moved towards allowing this woman to talk about herself. 

I also had interactions with a aging family member this past week. Conversations steer towards politics etc. I notice that different colors , as I call it, come forward in relation to statements made about things happening in the world, and the rest of my family. Instead of reacting, I have slowed down and brought details forward, without a gain in sight. It is more that the change cannot be expected in one moment, it is more a building of looking at all the details. lol, I would call it bringing more presence into the whole through greater detail of the parts. I have noticed, especially within my family, that over the years, some of the things i have said, about health etc. have become the vernacular in my family. For example, in my thirties I would talk about how people are shaking, vibrating, and I was laughed at, jokes about it were made etc. There either day, this very same term was used about someone my family member and myself used. 

Overall, the tensions within me, within how this all works, are of my own creation. In time, over time, the patterns of what we are allowing are visible around me, and the means are known. 

It is interesting in the media, in relation to this, especially in my Facebook feed. This week there are two posts on protests, or support gatherings. one is for the parents of autistic children to protest the Boston Herald, and another is a gathering to support Public schools.  I don’t see individual posts of groups gathering    every day, consistently. Yet these posts were on my news feed under the heading of some coalition. If I use critical literacy, and ‘ follow the money’ I wonder why these two particular posts, that appear as a grass roots group, have consistently appeared on my feed? Especially the public school support gathering in Boston. Someone has to place the posts, which means someone is paid for this, as the sites are also well put together.  lol, it is like a resonant tick in my news feed. I don’t even remember having clicked a ‘ like’ for the sudden appearance of this group. This is also a red flag, that this agency could buy the space to appear on the news feed of my FB current without my acquiescence.  I feel like neo in the Matrix!  I could be becoming a gloom and doom state of being in relation to this, yet on some levels, it is a visible occurrence and not something to react to, this tick. 

This is all more of what I learned to do in school. Taking in information, and playing with it, using it to manipulate myself, through acceptance and reaction without real grounding, without practical consideration of who and what I am, as a physical state of being. It is participating in the shadow world of knowledge and information, used to manipulate constructions that are not grounded in consideration of the reality and the practical nature of creating. What can be done, is to continue walking, continue to point out the practical, to bring forward reality, to make reality larger than the shadow world of knowledge and information lost of consideration for all things, as respect  for this living, expressing, physical reality- that one thing that is what one is distracted from, and that one thing that is owned by a few.  It is what is in plain sight, right here. 

Just as I started to see this in the discipline of self generating as playing an instrument, and just as the child of and as  me, realized I had built a shadow resonance of experience, that remained with me, even when I tried to escape and deny it, and just as I pick up, at times the ticks as the flow of presence in another, a resonance of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions,  justifying ideological wants , needs and desires, as the focus of the self as life, causing separation from reality, so must all of us see, realize and understand this.  What defines us, is who and what we are as physical life. We must ask ourselves, what it is that we allow to distract us from being practical in this reality, this consistent and living reality all around us. 

It is time to respect the physical, to live in respect of what is in plain sight, that is owned by all, as it is what enables all to exist, as shadow imposed onto the physical or as self in full focus of reality, as the gift of creation that surrounds us. It is time to get the self in focus of life, in the presence as the focus of self onto and as what and who we are as life, as the physical. 

Behaviors of separation are visible if we take the responsibility to look and do the math Day 719

Yesterday, I walk talking with a man when I noticed how a conversation can bounce, like  a ball moving back and forth in and as knowledge and information. Not all the ‘ knowledge’ is necessarily ‘ bad’ yet it being knowledge and information of and as itself, it is separated from using , or being focused in a real relationship to what exists in form as our system. Meaning, really looking and seeing what is said again and again, to follow the money. 

Money has become a current that is revelatory of what we place value on, and where we then direct our labor, our efforts, our creative force, in the mis-order that is survival based instead of creative based. This order of survival, that chooses to tout knowledge and information - this in itself a dogma of limited insight into the physical reality of what it means to be the potential of self as life. 

This process is one of separation instead of living the potential to assess and relate directly to what actually physically exists around us. How much do we reflect on the present system and what we are, meaning our basic needs? Can we ask ourselves before we go to watch some entertainment on the tele-vision why we are choosing this? Do we do this because we are bored? Do we do this because the current of money flow, which we accept and allow, limits access to materials to possibly follow through with an idea, or a desire to investigate how something works to improve something and eliminate economic stress in our lives, or just because we have a moment where a natural desire to understand something comes up, then when we think about the cost to possibly investigate, we draw back into limitations and instead choose what is cheap, as our entertainment system?

That system not revealing its true cost because it is subsidized via our taxes and insurances- taken control of by another? This would mean that that seemingly ‘ free’ entertainment is not free, because it is taking a natural desire to explore and filling that space, to placate. And the economic system,, which we hold in place, through the actions of our municipalities and service industry as the rank and file system demands no questioning of practices or else one loses that income that is not enough for one to investigate a moment of a desire to investigate and self discover that end ups leading one to the tele-vision and thus loss of potential of self as life. And so the web continues. This has an outcome of a life never lived.  This is a circulation, a flow of suppression. 

What I noticed in my conversation with this person that I started this blog with, was not only how the space appeared to funnel into a narrow focus, but also an absence of the ease that comes with not getting ‘ intense’ , like creating a projected vortex of ‘ vision’ in relation to the information being expressed that was not all ‘ bad.’  I stopped, I looked at myself, because I have been getting angry as of late, in sorting something out, and I allowed myself to let that go, a habit, one of frustration. I decided to accept where I was and what was happening, to process this as it could not define me unless I accepted it. I listened and used my own experiences to attend to the moment. I looked at the space like a piece of music, like a math, of different forms, and realized that it need not define who and what I am, that I am, just as when I performed with a group, processing measure, form, quality, duration, etc etc. It was in this moment that I sensed the focus of the person and at the same time listened to them. I also looked at myself, and that anger suddenly seemed useless. Ironically, later that day, I read a post by Osho, where he states that one need never apologize unless one has become mad. And then, another post where mad was defined as multiple addictions disorders. lol, it was much like this, those dis-orders of anger a projected ideological polarized chain of past events that I have allowed to define who and what I am, my own puppet strings that can suddenly appear before me, when I slow down enough to realize I am in deed projecting knowledge and information to substantiate a limited in-formed entity that is in itself lacking a respect of what is here. Another way to say this is that I have rejected my right to life. 

I realize within this, that I can develop a processing ability, that is a natural ability, in relation to information. And this being a project ( -ed set body) of information as knowledge and information. And then realize its form and measure, its math with or without cross reference and focus onto what actually exists having done and understanding that development into real investigate work is ongoing and within using follow how money flows as a reference point for a moment. It is to say, in so many ways, the current of money shows what is supported, and the banks of this river showing the debris by what is a consequence not shared in the paper castles of this present system. One must actually look at the details of one’s life and what suppresses a natural ability and desire to understand and investigate how things work. 

Making the choice to watch tele-vision, as it now stands, is making the choice to suppress potential and override this potential with a busy-ness of distraction to placate. This appearing to cost little monetarily yet at the expense of one’s real potential and by extension the potential of everything around one.

In having slowed down and walked this process of realizing my own projections, imaginations, reactions, suppression, thoughts, back chats, entities of self definition in a game of survival, I can begin, to see, realize and understand how when another person speaks with me, that they are expressing knowledge and information lacking a real connection to what is here, and a consequence of a lack of this kind of practice overall in human existence. It is like a math, it is like a piece of music, all the parts moving around, some in tune, as some stable and focused and clear, and others coming and going having no real substantial consideration of creation as this physical reality all around us- this that we can reference in every moment if we let go of being mad, as all those chains of ideas and beliefs and opinions that we believe define who and what we are, when that is the ghost in the machine that is a limitation and as an acceptance and allowance of suppression of a natural potential to investigate and understand what is here, even behind this curtain of mathematical manipulations employed by a system that flows money to a few, just as we flow our focus on a limited entity of belief to define us, to allow us to survive, a cheap and destructive and violent suppression of the right to life given as what we are the day we were born. 

I walk away from this event yesterday realizing that getting mad is a distraction, and that I have the capacity to begin to process both separation and the measure of the physical.  Also, that what is free or cheap is not free. Someone somewhere has not received a living wage.  That what is simple, as myself expressing the real potential of myself, is not financially supported, and most probably not as much, economically, as I may think. Right outside my door, is so much. And, there are things that are not costly, that can benefit me. 

Most of what costs is allowing a metered payment, a little bit at a time, over a long period of time, supporting the present system that touts support and yet suppresses potential, a mirror of what we are allowing within ourselves. We allowed this, this has accumulated into a system, this is the consequence of our state of being. The way out, is to see this, to understand this, to realize the need for change, to realize the means of change. That river of money can flow to support the infrastructure of physical reality. The innovations are here, and the ability to sense that desire to discover is here. The paper castle is an illusion, it can only have the power we allow it to have. It is up to us to get the rivers that are drying up, going again and it starts with us, each of us.

This means using one’s will to focus here. This means slowing down and seeing the movements of imagination within one’s self and seeing this as the past, as not who one really is. This means realizing that we absorb what we are exposed to, and that this need not define us, yet can influence us, if we do not take the time to process this, it accumulated and causes cognitive dissonance with seeing the music of here, as this consequence of separation from what is real. It really is not a rocket science, and as all things, it appears to be hard, as change tends to be and do when moving from a set body of measures that have become habituated, into something new. Yet, this is a process of cleaning up mis-takes on life, on living and instead accepting life. One will make mis-takes, as is natural, as what the process of self discovery is and does. Yet to be focused here, in the abundance of reality as the physical, removes the separation dis-orders and by extension the processing dis-orders. Within this, conversations that are a ball of information bouncing back and forth, existing within an alternate reality, meaning  lack of respect for what is here in equality and oneness, will no longer reign and instead our rivers will flow once again with pure water, that is the currency of life.. It is, after all, natural to hear the music of the physical.  Look how naturally we absorb the limited information on the television? 

What is automaticity and what is a thought?

In the education system there is something called automaticity. This is when some information, some measure about something has been ‘ owned.’ Meaning that one knows it so well, they have integrated that information.  

When a musician practices something, again and again, understanding a movement, a measure, a unit of space, that musician is automating a piece of measure, a piece of how a space is and the things used to express within space. That is practiced until it is automated, where one can ‘ zip’ file through the information so fast, they are no longer thinking about it. This can become automated, or rather , this is automation.Which means overall, we automate the information we practice.

This goes both ways, we automate what we think about. 

One thing I learned within this, within being a violinist, is that the information can be automated and if I no longer cross reference that information to check it, I lose touch with it and the information takes over. I had to learn to stand within the form, within the information as a structural guide, or the information took over and when facing something new, some new form, I would become ‘ upset’ because I was not present and using that which absorbed the information to use the information as a structure to ground me, while at the same time remaining aware. Automation is cool, because it reveals how we work, yet can be used to become a set body of information, that one has forgotten is just this, something practiced until it was understood, or accepted, and then becomes an  inner structure ABOUT reality, and something to allow processing reality, yet is never reality.

In other words, we become the measure we accept and allow. A recent example of this is a talk I had about Hillary Clinton. A woman said that she ‘ feels’ that Hilary as a woman would make a good president. Hence what is a feeling if we understand how we come to be automated with information? I ask myself, “ did that woman grow up in a feminist household” Was the ‘ information’ as the measure practiced again and again about the need for woman to be considered equal”  Did this information accumulate and become automated, and forgotten as to how this was built, to the point where the person ‘ intuits’ as a “ feeling” that we need a woman president despite any and all practical measures as to what Hillary supports or does not support in fact in reality?

Does this mean that a ‘ feeling’ is based on a set body of automated information, which is what beliefs, opinions and ideas really are?  And does this not show how the immense sensitivity of the human body, that absorbent ability that is the means of sensing space and quality and measure, and so able to take in that information, be an accumulation within as a personification of information ONLY, information running on automatic- and that information running on automatic no longer remembered to be just that, as it is so huge within us- in tandem with a lack of remembering to assess reality, or cross referencing reality, in every moment -that we become divided among ourselves, when we are the very fabric that is creation? Would this not create a waring society of personalities? Would this manifest as racism, classism, nationalism, culturalism etc. ? Do we forget then to take that which is good and does no harm, when this is what we would all want for ourselves? 

And would this reveal the real generator of the present system that controls and orders in a monopolistic way to place the separation of each of us into some form of non-destruction because this ‘ feeling’ that is information in automation has forgotten where and how the information was built? And would the so-called elite fear this body of automation that is in separation from reality and try to order it and control that lack of self understanding , and self control and self responsibility in practical cross reference of reality in every breath?

Yes.

We must forgive ourselves the trespass of a mind consciousness of information that is in separation from reality, a practice that has become automated. We are, all of us, basically moving as automated information that has forgotten reality, forgotten to cross reference reality, as the physical world.  We can begin by asking ourselves “ What is a feeling?”  “What is an emotion?”

“ What is the automated information that is me?” “ What am I generating?” What am I placing within me as the information that is me, and am I passing this information down to the next generation?” “ What is a thought?”  What is that information doing to my children?” “ Are they having to sort out what I did not sort out?” “ What legends of information am I leaving for the life that is here on this earth?”

If we want to realize out natural ability to absorb and understand, as this is what and who we are as the very gift of presence as life within us, we can begin by realizing what information we have accepted and allowed to define who and what we are and ask ourselves where that information came from, and what it is generating. We have to begin by asking ourselves where we have ignored reality in how we have automated information that we express, believing that information within -which is never the real information, as the physical - to be what defines who and what we are. A personality that could be disorder from what is real as physical states of being, on a physical world from which we absorbed knowledge and information. It is time to become practical, to cross reference reality, to assess what is real, as the world around us, and the information that is not equal and one to respecting the physical in every moment , in every breath.

I would begin by asking yourself, “ What is a thought?”

Check out DIP Lite. A free course to begin to realize how emotions and feelings are generated and to walk a process of understanding who and what we are. 

Day 656 Information is not free, yet information is free.

In the last days I notice a growing loopy-ness, as I call it. Meaning, I have a sense of not being grounded, present, here.

It feels like there are too many things to juggle at the moment, like I am pulling stings and balancing them out.

I watch for self pity, blame, spite, anger, anything that does not move into solution, as in bring clarity and discernment in removing discord and stabilizing in ease, as in not having to uphold a lie. In this, I begin to realize what I speak must stand on its own. The value being in the words being a structural guidance that never falters. What I construct with my words, can lye within what is eternal so I never have to go back and correct. It is to say what I mean and mean what I say.

In a world where emotions of value judgement elongate in space and time, and move into nouns, like a ‘ now’ that is not here, and this ‘ noun ‘ is believed to bring renown, I at times, lose all patience. And then I feel like I am beginning to move into some soupy area some might call airy fairyness .

This comes up when I mention music. I find that within this, I open a door to another giving me their story about how they wished they had studied music, or how they played an instrument and, often, gave up. It appears to me to take a really long time to have to listen to this. And, as I say these words, I remember all those times after a performance when I encountered the audience and the long stories and praise about the music and their own relationships with music. At times, after years, I wanted to gag. Here, in my thirties, I realized that it had nothing to do with some talent or some specialness, it was having walked a process, a practice of measuring within the necessary steps towards becoming aware of the means to an end as a physical action right in front of me. the only thing ‘ blessed’ about this is the magic in doing.

I can also relate this to education, to the current pyramid scheme of information access. The information around us is like a song, it moves at a certain measure, a certain beat. What is free, as in our public schools is not really free, and the measure is one of information flow that is extremely slow, metered out over time, as though the metering of information is paid out in relation to access. The more access to information, the more one pays. 

Even within class structures this is true, as the more access to others with more access to greater measure, which is greater understanding, the more variations one is exposed to, and the greater the vocabulary one has - as in the greater exposure one has. Thus, what appears to be cheap, is cheap, within and as its very measure of information. One could say, that lesser measure of information is inflated in time and space, metered out, over a greater extent of time, acclimating one to that measure, until it is believed to be a truth. In this we program the physical with what measure of exposure we can pay for. This is how a ‘ good’ as public school education can appear to be beneficial, yet it is not. Were public school beneficial, we would not have the growing elephant in the room, as the varying degrees of attention deficit dis-orders. Ironic how in our words we tell ourselves what we are accepting and allowing. And, our religiously indoctrinated minds, take what we accept and allow through admission, and instead of looking at what is measurably right in front of us, as space and time, we reject investigation, or if we do, we fear to stand, as I have, and instead become reactions of blame. And yet, on some level, this act of blame is an act of crying a measure and then voicing it, where the listener must have great patience for the storm to pass, a storm of limitation, and then direct, giving into the elongated structure and bringing it back into a practice that grounds in common sense, as this is the way and the means to giving as one would receive, which is to give the measurable means to self responsibility. Some will choose the storm of their separation, not yet able to hear though the resonant dissonance.

If we become what we think about, we program our physical bodies, resonantly. I mean, there are cultures of people that believe if a man sleeps with a woman, that that woman is then dirty. In a way this is an admission that we program our bodies resonantly. In this example there is another layer, that if the man is the one who has slept with the woman, than that man is the cause of that considered-to-be-what-dirties the woman. Yet, this whole system of circular thought shows how twisted the mind and its justifications can be- and even made into a truth by the victors that is then programmed into a culture, a measure, a data that builds a societal structure that is obviously not what is best and disrespectful of physical living- that physical living that can be programmed. Obviously, this cultural ‘ truth’ is creating an inferior object through projection of a series of words/measure configured and repeated until it is believed to be a truth, the real action a rejection of self responsibility by the real actor as the screamer, the screamer appearing superior ( yet the more immediate cause of the problem) hiding by projection without onto another object, that object then taking the blame. Somehow, were we not shown this in Machiavellian thought?

I can see all those smoky snakey shadows that move like a mirage through space and time, hearable through the measure as the words, where I lose my patience and start to feel loopy. I become a judgement of a judgement.  I begin to get caught up in the storm of separation.

My response to this, over all, is that what is real, as the physical is really free, it is right here in front of me. It is creation information. It is of a stable measure, even if it is cluttered with the resonance of separation as the self interest of men, of myself as I react to limitations around me that are a lack of real self responsibility.

In some way, I could look at this as having to move through a value system that is in self interest, a rest in a measure that is believed to be freely chosen, when it is a choice to use measure to hide from practice into an inflation of one aspect. At, times, during quartet rehearsals, I had to direct back into playing, because avoidance often took time through endless quibble about one aspect of the music being performed. 

It took time for me to admit that I did this too sometimes. In the end it is how I learned to see the measure around me, because I had done the same, thus I could not blame, because it might potentially reveal that I was, or had done, the same. lol This creates a silent smokey snakey storm within me, one that I hide through distraction without, or silence myself to remain in the background, praying that no one sees, my prayers like the wizard of oz curtain that I stand behind turning knobs to make my physical body appear to be calm. And meanwhile, I am no longer in the practice of living, respecting the actual physical world. I have become what I despise in others.

Last week I worked with two children. Both were initially reluctant. Then they began to open up. Until we went into reading. Then time and space changed, everything slowed way down and information started to move very very slowly. I wanted to reach out my hand and cut through the mirage. I realize I am this a lot of the time too. The best way to describe this, at this moment, is varying degrees of pressure.

And then, as the information begins to flow, the child opens up, becomes more at ease. More openly shares themselves as though the joy of living has somehow come back. The passage is reread. What I notice here is a sense that the words suddenly are filled with a clarity that has the child sensing that they read slower than they initially read, when what has happened is that space of clarity has brought an abundance of life back into their awareness and they are reading with less stutter and more fluid speed. It is like opening up a portal to life within them.

Thus, when I begin to feel that I am becoming loopy, I have to stop, and realize that I can change into the loop - so to speak- and become it for a moment, sort it out, and take that which is desired, ultimately by all, as becoming a portal to life, and take too elongated inflated values and place them into a practical measure that directs in ways that consider all things and grounds oneself here, to see the real measure of reality as the physical and an understanding that we are creators, be it to create a smokey snake valley of smoke and mirrors, or to participate in real abundance as the real physical world that is freely given as life information in expression right here in front of us, as us, and surrounding us in every way, always, here. 

Know your caged mind, and that from which it is composed, to open yourself as life to equality and oneness with and as life as the physical.

Day 629 The Follower, the Habit of Limitation.

The Follower,  habit of limitation.

We learn by following. Somehow, this means of expanding and learning, has become stagnant. We get stuck in the following, the taking in of form, and get bogged down in this process, losing that which is the means to follow, to take in, to receive, that what we are receiving, as what we are allowing, gets lost within the overall step of having a perspective of what we follow. Of course, if we are in a box during our developmental years, there is nothing to cross reference in the moment: we memorize the form only. We accept it without recognition into the whole, as this life we must participate within to live. We are fed a lot of knowledge and information, with a busy work that creates a smoke and mirrors show of information to memorize, with little time in the inherent scheduling of this, to apply a practice in actual real living as what we essentially do in our adult years. So, it is like a blinding busyness of parts that are good, but the method of delivery is the means of separation into a cognitive map that becomes like its own story that manifests as a running train in the head, this moving so fast, the real world outside the windows of our minds -our memory fabric, can no longer be seen. And it is composed of truths playing an associative game in a bubble. The veil. We built it, we accepted it, we allowed it. We can blame no one but ourselves and only we, each one, can change it. Since it was built, it can be deconstructed and reconstructed.  Life ultimately, is forgiving, because this is the nature of life. Life will if allowed and accepted. 

My own habit of following the authority of my environment, built by the generations that came before me, and my own acceptances and allowances, races so fast, as me, as this is what I practiced, appears impossible to stop, to slow down. I must remind myself of a segue moment, where, just as if I were running very fast, that momentum and speed needs the physical act of slowing down and turning the tides within me, of my belief, my accepted opinions, my ideas, my personification, how I define myself.

I automatically follow, so habituated to this am I. I did not stand grounded and assess what I followed, as a form, and cross reference practical application and the consequences of this to the world around me, that world I so wanted to participate within.  The practice of slowing down, seeing my acceptances and allowances, and grounding myself in reality, seems daunting, and yet, the more I practice this, the more ease I have in communication with reality, the physical. So, it is like the view from the follower remains and the ability to communicate and ground spreads through me in a moment. The old follower wanting to cry in the frustration of following only, within accepted limited beliefs, and the new joy underneath, that of being able to face the limitations and communicate a means to realizing solution, as what gives self direction within and without. The joy of living. It is time to take back one’s joy. The follower believing suddenly that perhaps the worth is not there, as oneself. Yet the worth is the measure of the follower speaking up and not the process of respecting life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a belief that I am unworthy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy not seeing realizing and understanding that this is the limitation of my accepted and allowed measure built of limited values, habituated without cross reference into the practice of living a physical life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cry for and about the construct of limitation I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that movement within and as me, as energy, as the division of myself into limited values, to define myself, as I believed that this, that was my creation, was more than the reality around me as life, that which would be information as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite, in self interest within and as my accepted and allowed self aggrandizement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to want to become indignant, in and as a belief that the fault is not mine, when it is because I projected blame and spite instead of solution as in respecting life, as in being thankful for simply being in life, as the physical, as this is life in expression.

I forgive myself for not slowing down and considering all things, in every moment here.

I forgive myself for abdicating myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the fault of limitation as knowledge and information only, without practical application in respect of the physical world, as the physical is life information, is creation in form.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only, ideas, beliefs, and opinions, in a metaphysical way, creating a paranormal existence within and as me, all in separation from being a living word, as in respecting myself and the physical world around me in thought, word and deed, here.

When and as I find myself falling back into the habit of following only, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I accept my own accepted and allowed limitations, as the self definitions of the mind, and I follow through into cross referencing the practice of living as a physical beingness as life would, into and as a transformation within and as myself into and as what is best for all, until I am here, grounded, at ease, self directive, present, here.

When and as I find myself following, I stop and I breath, and I take that which is good and does no harm, as what is best for all, and I cross reference, as respect, as enjoy, as communicate, as interact, with the without as the physical to equalize the within to the without, and in so doing, let go of myself as mind, losing everything to gain everything, to become the full potential of myself as life here.

When and as I find myself following, as my habit of limited knowledge and information where I judge one thing as more than another, and as such resist based on my ideas of value to survive, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I stand within and as the tension of my practice, my accepted measure as energy, as belief, and I ground myself here, as the past does not define me here in this moment.

When and as I find myself funneling into and as a movement that is a tension, like pulling myself into strings of expression, to project without,  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, as let go, as open up, and bring back into and as a consideration of all things, as a cross reference to life here, as the physical, to enjoy the expression of life here, as a man, to enable myself to communicate what is best for all, to become equal in understanding in and as the practice of physical life, as this is the expression of life in form, as this is the value, as this here, is life.

Day 516 Facing Cruelty and Conjecture

When I talk with others and explain things about spatial awareness, it is like there is nothing there. And then I go into fear. And then statements come at me, stated as though this is the way it is. And compassion is wanted. I take this personally, as though I am supposed to wait. I even had a group of education professors tell me that it was too difficult to teach spatial awareness/depth perception.

I go into believing that i have not explained myself well - which maybe I have not - but I notice i get loopy at this point, like there is a mirage in front on me, and then, i get all confused, and go into thinking I can’t get through and I am trapped.

I freeze, I hold myself tightly, closed, like a silence, a dumbing silence. And then the corners of my mouth sink.

I did this today while talking with another person.

I have a memory come up from high school. I have written about this before. I was in a foreign apartment waiting for someone. Suddenly, a face of a man appeared up in the corner of the room. In a split second he went from being a gentle man to what many would call a demon presence - it was like he suddenly got really really angry and started projecting red horned monsterness. But, it was too late for me I had seen what came before and had realized it was all conjecture. Then the white light behind this paranormal event appeared in the distance, like an inverted distance, depth.

I asked if there were things happening in that apartment. and evidently things moved around went the occupants were not at home. 

I left knowing, with no uncertainty, that what was there could not touch me in any way. Too bad I did not speak. My conditioning on some level was already set.

So, lately I have had thoughts when I see the face of a person that there is a harshness in the visage. a manner of cruelty, a rushing intense manner. I see this and this earlier memory keeps coming up.  I also have these images coming from behind, of old people. It is like something enveloping me.Somehow it is all linked to the cruelty within the consequences of the present system that does not respect physical life on earth.

I continue to react to the cruelty I read about what exists all over the planet.  It is heart wrenching for me. And I can feel my heart going into a knot, like there are two forces pressing against one another.

I cannot learn to address limitation if I go into confusion, and yet I get these images of projected cruelty and this reaction to actual cruelty - and seeing a harshness in the visage of people, perhaps because this is my present emotional stew and pictorial exaggeration as mind. Perhaps the situation is to accept this and reorder so I can begin to address confusion when conflict within me leads to confusion. I may be addressing the limitation but I am doing so in protection and self defense. Like the script is there, but it is used to hide - because I am reacting to the cruelty of the projections of rigid beliefs that are themselves the same as me projecting a script that is more ordered, but still a projection.

And, in my busyness to project properly - I lose focus and miss the cruel projection of limitation and as such cannot address it and then feel I failed and have not faced the storm - the paranormal as a limited mind consciousness system.

Also mixed into this self blame is anger. a subtle twist of the victim feeling they are not listened to, self righteous.

But it was me not listening and reacting in fear of the violent aggression - as how I viewed the statement that was a response to my words, that was really an inner reaction of the other trying to make sense based on their own knowledge and information within which they were trying to make sense, but their sense was on a construct of knowledge and information association, without any practical application to physical reality.

So great is the disconnect from physical space and time, that association to knowledge and information as mind only reacts because looking here, at physical manifestation means one has to change and give up the projection clung to. A projection has no real substance, it is fueled by ideological beliefs, opinions and ideas. This is idol worship following, self validating. It really is no different than what that man did in the apartment. It is all, in total, a separation from the eye of the needle, which is physical reality.

Another aspect of dreams and this “ other world” is the background. It is dark, black, it is like a velvet thing, and all this projection is on top of this. I have noticed that this is behind it all, this darkness that has no anger, has no cruelty, it is always there, it has a depth somehow. The darkness is the “ light” and the “ light” is the conjecture and the conjecture is cruel as it now stands because of what we humans have accepted and allowed as our present.

I remember working with a younger person when I returned to school. This person could not hold form within her, she could only write papers by cutting and pasting sentences. Needless to say I was astounded. When asked to actually discuss something, she claimed a learning disability and wanted everything ordered within this “ care.” Though we have a society that is allowing this, it is cruel to allow this, and because this has been allowed it will take time to sort this out, because the tool of the mind is to build an image to build understanding and has to be realized as an image only: the image is not what is real, what is real is practical reality. Which is why the man that projected demonic pictures ( which is all they were) was hanging on the physical world, he could not exist without it. The joke is on you!

Day 495 Minimum Wage and our Children: An Addiction to short sounds bites of knowledge and information.

Many understand that the minimum wage is not a Living Wage, does not take too much to understand this. A person who is going to work every day in any of the steps required to get a hamburger, for example, onto a plate, must have enough income to pay their bills and exist within a degree of stability to have the peace of mind to observe their surroundings, as worry and stress are a major cause of dis-ease, and dis-ease comes in many forms, behavioral, and physical illness. Dis-ease is a separation from practical common sense, response-ability to care for here, the physical. If one does not have money, one cannot be responsible. If a human physical body has not been trained to be responsible, then the object blame does not solve the problem, what solves the problem is structure, which leads to responsibility. Thus a system of profit for a few, and consequence of  abuse in order to have that profit, takes responsibility, as structural access within and without, away, and disease manifests, meaning a dis-ease with here, communication with here. So, systemically, as we stand now on earth, does not, cannot, will not work. So, we are collectively to blame for any disease manifest anywhere on earth.

In a profit based system, where profit is the law, the cost of distribution and processing can be taken from the profits,  and does not regard this value of the human worker being in a state of ease, when it pays a wage the is not supportive of the human being and remaining stable within a state of ease, as in lacking dis-ease physically and behaviorally. The cost of process has not been paid in full. Period.

Such dis-ease, is then passed onto the children, and in turn causing the same discord to reverberate within all the systems. In the case of the child this reverberates within the schools, and this in turn effects the development of all the children, because it is a sound as a behavior or disease existent within the environment of the school, so in effect we all suffer what exists within our environment. Even the act within of ignorance, is a movement within self as what self is, and this takes the focus of the person, the self, and does effect concentration and development. Therefor, even those who do well are being influenced by everything that exists. Thus the dis-ease of every individual is the concern of all of us if we care about the development of our children. Do we even consider the “ no significant difference” each of what appears as “ little tiny discords” all along the way, in every day, of every year of our lives? if we allow one we allow the cumulative effect of the many “ no-significant differences.”  Is this perhaps why more children are beginning to die of cancer than accident in the last twenty years? I mean,we know that tumors are filled with pesticides, and that many cancers have to do with our “ state of being.” 

And, we cannot blame the object of the dis-ease, because every human is dependent of the system,  a web held in place by the collective, so what is allowed within the system that is not supportive of the human, of which a minimum wage is not, then what is a consequence of that lack, is the responsibility of every single human being participating in the web, which is all of us, because we are on an earth where no matter what is put into the water, on any part, comes to effect all of us. As such, any dis-ease can probably be traced to a conglomerate of causes, so if there is even the minutest indication that something does harm, it cannot be allowed. Also the consequence of an accumulation of ill-effects hidden in the words “ no significant difference” must be realized  as, yes, there is a difference, thus this small difference can accumulate with all effects and create problems over time. 

We can see the problems growing. I mean, even within my local environment, in the last two years as far as I can see, and it is a small group, there has been at lease one suicide a year, last year there were two, and a death of a child from cancer. In a town of about 3000 people, this is of concern, especially when the numbers of residents within towns grow, are the numbers somewhat the same? And do we not notice because we are removed as we are busy in our lives? Do we not look unless it effects us directly? And/or do we live in end game short bites of information, where we end our involvement as our attention, when we say things like, “ she is concerned about this because it directly effected her”? And then the subject changes in the conversation, as though we honor statement making instead of follow through to solution.

 So, there is avoiding follow through to hide practices accepted, and there is social conversational non-follow through because we accept short bits of information and do not even realize that we rush to closure, which is itself a dis-ease with the environment because perceptually we move into the next story, to rush into the tension, the high and the resolution, which means we within and as ourselves have no real stability, here. We remain in a constant state of highs and lows. Reminds me of the weather in America at the moment, where the temperatures are moving from a few degrees above freezing, and then plunging into very frigid temperatures, as though the environment mimics our accepted and allowed short attention span, small information bits to move through a dopamine high of tension release, as an inner energy fix. This addiction to this is causing a dis-ease, because it is not paying attention to the consequences of our actions in total.

And we wonder why our children cannot read and write by the time they leave the education system. And we wonder why  children are labeled and not dealt with in the schools. How can teachers that are products of this system be able to deal with the consequential frustrations that are composition of lack in perception when they themselves are the product of this as well? And as such limited in space/time as the format of the school where the children then go home to parents who do not have enough to have a peace of mind , a mind also used to short bits of information, to monitor and direct that child? And even here, our educated, have not solved this problem. Which means they are not realizing the whole. Had they, then they would see the structure of the form of our society as a collective and stood for a change, instead such is marginalized by the few, and these few probably looked outside the box, went beyond the short sound bites of information that had no extended shelf life ( or one could say that extended shelf life has not value, meaning it is dead and what is missing is what cycles the life within)  as what extends in a physical planet is a cyclical process as the physical that must be maintained and cared for without any harm in order for the lack of disease to exist, which means that the physical is what is real. The physical is the real story and not that short information, as an equation in our minds based on a limited awareness of physical reality, choosing idea over common sense - this meaning to include what we cannot exist without.

Related articles

• Day 483 The growth of special needs children. Who is responsible. YOU.
• Day 478 A hangover as data of knowledge and inFORMation.
• Day 105: Parenting/Patterning - Just One Cross of Separation

Day 478 A hangover as data of knowledge and inFORMation.

I have been writing every day, but unable to post. Somehow the words just don’t fit what I want to say. 

I have had so much knowledge and information passing by that it all seems to be the same to me, the same limitations, the same wars, the same things being said again and again.

When I go to take a test that I am prepared for, I am calm.  I just walk it, do it. 

But, right now it is like I am at war with myself. Like I keep wanting to react, in short bursts of rapid gun fire, but I have to pull myself back. Like, NO! and then in a more gentle voice, come back, like that reaction serves no purpose.

It is an idea based on no real thing and as such is devoid of purpose. Lack of purpose misses the mark, and as such becomes frustration. Frustration is simply not being here, right here, equal and one in common sense to what is here. So used to racing that this can be missed.

In may ways it is like having a hangover. I feel like I am in a state where I want this hangover out of me, I want it gone, it is heavy, it is so tricky, so clingy. I find myself suddenly imagining something, usually a gloom and doom scenario, and or suddenly a magical fairy tale that appears to promise something. I realize this is more dream than reality. And yet underneath it all, there is what we all want, and that is to get along with one another, to actually enjoy one another. This happening in a state of ease, a state of calm, like when one is ready to take a test, and even looks forward to it. 

In so many ways this should be what happens as we as men enter this earth, a looking forward to understanding this actual real physical world. 

And yet, what happens to us? We become combatants in a war zone. It is the consequence of hierarchy, the consequence of judgement, the consequence of measuring one thing against another without looking at what is the same, which is the breath of life, the movement that is creation. And that creation is like an eternal ocean underneath all of it, so huge, so willing to just be. Instead we are all moving within very limited, selected popisms, pop ups as ideas, as pictures, as skips in sequences of what is real in total. And there is a machine within us, that holds this, as wired as any television set. It is just that we are so consumed by the imagery that we cannot see the mechanisms of it.  And we keep looking with the mechanism, instead of looking at the physical. I mean, why is the anecdotal considered insubstantial? Why is data considered to hold more value? And why is data now considered private?

Data is now being moved into any number of justification : trade secrets, privacy laws,  professional requirements to be able to decipher ( which means properly programmed to the limitation). All of this means that each of us has an innate capacity to realize the limitations being the justifications for choices made as the forms of description ( encryption)  filed away to support the directives based on an idea. This is each of us supporting this, we are the web accepting the limitations, the beliefs, the manipulations, despite the evidence of the harm anecdotally all around us. 

One example of how we take parts to justify a means is a recent vaccine justification I heard.

The doctor, supposed doctor, said that polio is breaking out in Syria, and then relates this to vaccines in general, saying we need vaccines in America. THis a movement from one point to a collective point within this platform of vaccines in total. Tying all to one. Also, taking a war torn country, where the infrastructure has been droned to rubble, thus all water and shelter is severely diminished causing a lack of basic human physical needs, which lead to disease. So to compare, as in pointing out only that polio is appearing in Syria within the state of Syria without clarifying this, and as this relating this to justify a need in America makes no sense, even if it were true, the basis of this. THis is misinformation, it builds no understanding of the total picture, and as such this is a limited story presented to justify an end, and force that end on others, using a threat that is not disclosed, presupposing an outcome without any real investigation. I can see here where this can become a spin, a snake eating its own tail, if we allow it.  In essence this is using a war zone, an extreme to determine a mean to be imposed on all equally. That is just criminal.

In another way, this is using taxpayer dollars to create an extreme environment and then to use the consequences to decide that what counters the disease in such a situation needs to be given to all, just in case such comes out way. This is fear mongering. THis is what if? And all the while, what is causing the disease, self created, is not looked at. How the environment on which we live as this physical earth, when shredded, causes all manner of a diseased life. 

THis is running after consequence of destruction, ignoring the act that caused the dis-ease and deciding that the bandaids are a solution.

And this is also done by not clarifying the sequences. For example, the whole vaccine debate revolves around word play, parents believe that vaccines are causing Autism. The industry and our so called administrations are saying that vaccines do not cause autism. ( meanwhile “ royalities/revenues are all tied into this, like the music industry asking rap to sing words that impulse criminality to fill prisons and if they do not, then the prisons won’t be filled and their investments will not make them any money - which over all must be a configuration done internally because a few own everything, they own the puzzle pieces and can move them in ways that enslave, meaning it is all bullshit and criminal over all)  Here a step has been skipped, a detail not mentioned. It is that vaccines cause inflammation of the brain and this leads to Autism, which as I understand is accepted by the government/taxpayer revenue - who, monetarily,  carry the ill effects of vaccines. The industry  reaps the profits, to then have the means to manipulate the pieces of what builds revenue to force outcomes in self interest( the one wanting the impulsing “ rap” to create revenue from prisons). The walls of the castle hide behind detail not being mentioned to maintain inequality, which again, leads to the hiding of data. And the need to hide this, means that we are all capable of understanding here, this actual physical world. Use “ speed” to hide this, as in “ not having the time” and the villian cannot be pinned down. So word play and timing are used to hide reality.

Another aspect within the timing, is in education. It is known that to master something, such a music skill, takes about 10,000 hours. If schools divide this time, and ensure such number of ours as direct interaction are not met than skills are not moved into a level of mastery. And as we can see, if we have mot mastered words, then we cannot catch the manipulations of ourselves within beyond the 1. the amount of limited story impulsed, and 2. the use of words to hide and limit disclosure, and all the laws built around the maintenance of this. I mean it is known that giving children an hour of recess will improve the overall child’s ability, because within recess, there is a direct interaction with words being used, and perceptions being lived out, exposing a child to a broader range of movement and thus developing depth perception.

I mean the instances I site above reveal the importance of the physical above and beyond and data, information touted through media and those educated to the programming that is voiced in maintaining the status quo of inequality and paychecks. 

We are abdicating our compassion towards physical existence. We are abdicating our community, as humans, as men, to be impassioned with and as ourselves as physical beings, here. Such a subtle difference causing a massive disconnect. But this shows the way out of this mess. That we all realize the capacity of ourselves as life to understand life. And that what we have allowed as mind is the dominance of idea in separation from practical physical reality. THis is why the physical is the gift of life, because it is stable, it is here, more real than any ideological heaven. Thus, the physical is for the human to self realize through becoming equal to what is creation manifest within what works and does no harm and physical interplay of sound into form and thus the joy of expression.

The solution is to give everyone a Living Income Guarantee. To ensure that all have a basic income to support themselves as physical beings. This will allow all of us to slow down for a moment and really look at what we are doing. Even if we all remain where we are, to keep the system going for a moment, the relieving of economic stress will open up our innate spatial capacity to see what we have done, to forgive this, and to realize step by step how to reorder all of this into a system that respect all life, and does what causes no harm. A Living Income Guarantee will remove the speeding time frame that is part of what is used to cause a cognitive dissonance of misinformation, that is composed of limited disclosure, this all being a legerdemain, a slight of hand. And this is created by how each of us move as mind within. If we had economic stability, we would realize this in short order. It is that simple.