Day 475 ALl SEe the fAL SE confidence and comfort.

When I am facing a woman with young children, girls, and I talk with them and they are accessing their pride, and saying that everything is okay, I go into insecurity, as I allow myself to compare myself to them, which is myself comparing myself to an idea, like a Utopia as a potential that i believe I have not lived, and then I go into insecurity where I think, who am I to say? Who am I to suggest to another what they should or should not do?

This is all guilt based on ideas, as to what and how I should be some kind of super being, accomplishing some overarching idea. The problem is that this is a separation from common sense on a physical planet.

I am so busy chasing a norm that I am not looking around me practically, and instead just compare myself to reality and measure with an idea. That makes no sense. If the reality around me has not reached the ideal, and this has been going on for a very very long time, then what I am doing as chasing an idea is not working. The practical has not been actually lived, thus it is to look at the physical reality and reevaluate it in total. Which also means to reevaluate what I have accepted as allowing ideals to have me running on a tread mill instead of being practical here, equal to physical reality.

I remember feeling as though I did not fit in at various stages of my life. One that is dominant at the moment is a memory of a party at the Kindergarten my children attended. I felt very separate from the other mothers, as though I could not communicate with them. And I felt that my husband was tired of his foreign wife, me, and had lost patience for my reticence. I remember trying to hide this, and appear happy and congenial. Something happened at this fest, where i had to leave, and my husband stayed. My younger son fell and gashed his head open. We had tried to stop the bleeding but it would not stop so I took my son to the emergency room, where he ended up getting a number of stitches to close the wound and stop the bleeding. I remember feeling annoyed that I had to leave, because I wanted to get through this awful feeling, and because of the belief that I held/ was projecting with this, that my husband was seeing me as not getting along socially, I wanted to “ prove” that this was not true, because I feared him rejecting me for not being buddies with the other community members which I determined as a picture show of a lot of demonstrative behavior such as hugging as acting all excited about meeting someone, or gushing smiles all over the place. I believed because I was not this character/presentation, that there was something wrong with me.

Here I was with this very heavy feeling, and i had to leave and not work it out, plus I had to carry these emotions that I had not worked out with me. I even remember being sightly annoyed with my son, because he had done this before. He was a very physical person, always moving his body, using all of it. very agile. Perhaps he was as overwhelmed with the scene as was I.

I have never been comfortable in crowded events. And yet, I have played in musical groups that make a lot of noise, lol. Obviously, the structure of a musical event I am more comfortable with, whereas a social event is unnerving to me because I have allowed it to appear to not have any structure. or, if I do see a structure, I suppress it, based on the same that creates the problem in the first place, having an idea within this context. I have an idea about how I should appear instead of just simply being here. If such has been going on for generations within each person, than social events must be unnerving for the majority of the population, because if we as humans were honest, self honest, then our outer physical world would not be in the present destructive state it is in, of which there is no denying, we need only look around, and it is time to look at what is here in total, and perhaps it is because of becoming an idea that one physical part is more than another, which ignores physical fact, and creates the feelings that I experienced, as inferiority, causing me to feel insecure and then fear the loss of position, which would be an outcome of a separation from practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am less than another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to measure myself as being less than another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that this huge dark gloomy thought weighing me down is not based on practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I felt insecure based on a limited idea in and as my mind, instead of allowing myself to be practical within the situation of social interaction, where ironically, I participated in social groups working together in a very structured situation and as such directed myself, thus the answer was really right in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow an idea of being less than to become so huge within and as me, that I created my own separation from reality based on judgement within ideas instead of being equal to physical reality in common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and really look at this memory, where I do not even look at the world around me, and within this, being annoyed that I have to leave and not sort this out, that I did not have the opportunity to move myself into the social scenario and interact with others and investigate how I felt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared being considered unsocial.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have blamed the society around me, for a impractical self created belief of inferiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea about what i should look like, as in exhibiting very demonstrative behaviors of running up to other woman and hugging them and acting like I was so glad to see them, many of whom at that time I saw on a daily basis, so such behavior was silly in such a situation and not something to measure behavior by.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame how I felt on the culture, on the differences in culture, when in fact i have felt the same way within my own culture.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must appear ebullient in social settings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a behavior of indifference in social settings, being spiteful and arrogant to counteract an idea that I create that I should appear all smiley and happy and witty in social situations and if I do not , from one such event to the next than there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that under this current of insecurity that has no real substantiveness with practical physical reality, I have created a protection and defense layer of judgement as spite and blame to and towards the environment, using cultural definitions of behavior as to how one should look and behave, and personal behaviors where I select individual persons to gravitate to that I believe will alter the idea I have accepted and allowed as inferiority to turn this into a superiority image socially to justify equality that is as my mind limited and done in the self interest of a system of separation from common sense of  the physical being life, where equality was always the constant and it is/was myself that moved and separated from this practical fact of life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to look for confidence via judgements of objects and manner being more than and less than, all based on ideas as to how an object should look, and or, a person should exude in manner and dress as cultural ideas about what is a measure of more of this and or more of that.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that such chains of belief are real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a survival suit, developed over time, from day one, as the environment around me, which I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I go into a shortness of breath, I am no longer here, thus a shortness of breath, is myself going into anxiety, being anxious about my own survival, and since I live in a part of the world where social connections are huge and believed to be how one survives - of which all is based on illusion composed of limited values that are not necessarily all good or bad - my impulses are based on very petty ideas of what is more and what is less as survival within this hierarchy that is in itself in separation from practical physical, real life sustaining, reality.

When and as I sense myself becoming anxious, paying attention to my breath and the thoughts as back chat circulating in and as my mind, I slow myself down and I breath, and I see realize and understand that the ghost in the machine as my mind consciousness system is just this, a ghost in a gift of life as my human physical body, that is a lesser directive based on a limited context that has been accepted and allowed as the humans on earth that are in total in separation from including all life as the value.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious within and as the movement of my breath, i slow myself down and I forgive the thoughts of insecurity via reminding myself I live on in a physical world that is as much life as myself, and that an idea of one thing being less than another is the separation from what is real, and as this that any thoughts of comparison towards another person or object is based on an idea, and that this idea does not define me unless I accept and allow this, as I can only be here practically in this moment.

When and as I find myself becoming tense in and as my breath, I slow myself down and I forgive the idea that one thing is more than another and I realize the practical nature of the physical world within and as form and function being respected as nature as the physical is in reality a magnificent mechanism for the expression of life.

When and as I find myself tensing up into using protection and defense, as opinions and ideas and beliefs, and as such my breath becoming short and uneven, I stop and I slow myself down and i breath,  and I forgive the positive and negative values about the objects and behaviors of others in my world, which I have used to lead me to a place of false comfort and  false confidence, instead of being practical here, realizing the physical world around me as being equal and one to and as me, and within this to not react to the same behaviors I have accepted and allowed within to affect me as this is played out in others, as it is the collective that has accepted and allowed the generations of separation as ideas made bigger than life that has as a collective, lead to a collective disrespect and thus destruction of the gift of life as the physical world as this earth.

When and as I find myself becoming short of breath, and heavy with thoughts as back chat in and as my mind, I slow myself down and I breath, and I realize that this f-AL SE confidence and comfort would create that which I fear, as I am existing in judgement that ALL SEE. thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from equality and oneness to and as the physical world.

When and as I find myself short of breath, I slow myself down and I breath, and I let go of a divisor in and as judgement of how something should appear to be  as a definition based on ideas, opinions and beliefs and I realize the mechanism of the physical world is the value that can be directed as life within as the principle of what is best for all, that the fAL SE confidence and comfort is myself in FEAR of life, for which I slow myself down and breath, until I become stable in principle as what is best for all.

Day 282 Stereotypes are the story of Predictive Programming

When I practice and I am having a problem not producing a sound that is “tight” - so to speak- I have to slow down and feel the space, every bit of it. Sometimes this feels like I can’t do this. Which does not make any sense. And just as the words I wrote suggest, it is me not allowing any sense. I am skimming the surface and not being common sense here.
What would cause such a behavior within myself? A desire? An idea of outcome before practice? A dream of a polished performance before having walked the common sense of the string and the bow? Like I am rushing to a vision instead of simply being here, equal and one, calm, sensing what I am doing in absolute detail?
I was working with this child who was having problems with reading. He would look at a word and under his breath, in a whisper say the word. And then he would speak something aloud completely different. I got to the point where I looked at him and said , “ you say the word under your breath and then you speak something else.” So, I had him breath, become calm, and listen to what he had said under his breath, to even remember what he had said under his breath. It took some patience, because he would have to spend a moment looking back, and then he would say the word. He got better at this. Most of this was simply calming down, becoming quiet. Where was he “rushing off to”?
One time, there was a friend on a computer in the next room, and, as this child said to me, “ He is playing my favorite game.” I thought “ great” we are really going to get something done today. How am I going to keep him here, if in the next room is a temptation he wants to “rush off to.”
The point is that the child was sensing the space and then somehow “jumped” into something else and came up with something other than what is here than what he registered that was equal to what was on the page. And, that he could be brought back to what he had registered through slowing down and being aware of himself indicated awareness not developed.
It is not different within practicing the violin. It is simply a matter of being here in common sense with what is here, the space of what is here.
Wow, this just brought up these dreams I was having just before my husband died. A whole slew of them. I was chasing him, my husband, trying to catch him - so t speak- and I can’t remember why. Do I need to follow my own advice and slow down? They flashed by so fast! It was this sense of chasing something, running and looking for something, and as with this child, the answer is known, right here, to slow down and be common sense of here. It is like we are this and then we move away from this, chasing something.

What if we look at this present system? Does it not promote chasing things? Is it not a program of “ Look at me!” ? Why do we allow all this media that promotes things for us to want?
Is it to keep us away from our own common sense, just as this child who could see the words and speak them under his breath, and then in a normal “ out loud” voice, his “presentation voice” say something completely different?
Is this action from common sense translated into something different like sleep walking in a dream? Is what is spoken the wash of a dream? A fear, an alternate idea as mind, a film of fear? Obviously, there was a form of separation going on here. The process of which was happening right in front of me, is happening right in front of me, with the child and with playing the violin when I am having a hard time “getting” something I am trying to learn, and slowing my self down so i can “ speed myself up” within moving here, being here, communicating here.
It is only when I am wanting, or following a desire in and as an idea that I would be in separation from here, in lack of common sense , here.
Obviously, if money were the means of getting the resources of earth, the products of earth in order to survive, this is creating a system of chasing to get what is needed to survive. And, as I have shown above, we are all chasing, and following ideas of what it means to get money, as what is presented by the media, learned by generations of people, then we are born into a world that teaches us to chase, as this would be a way to control the very common sense of each human, to divert attention away from being here, from using what the human is as life, the very focus of life, away from actually looking and responding and moving with, what is actually, physically here, to blind seeing what is real. I mean, this is criminal, and destructive. It is like taking common sense and diverting it in self interest. So, the few who have control of this are actually in separation from life themselves or this would not be done. Wanting a supposed “them” to change and demanding it, is not going to work. All that can be done is to slow down and be here, in common sense of here. Ironically, it seems like stepping back, but it is not, it is stepping forward into and as life.


Within this, getting frustrated with a child or myself when not moving with what is here, is reacting to the action of separation, which cannot direct back to here. The thing of separation, the emotional/feeling, thought as a distraction taught/accepted and allowed that is a judgement of some experience being a more than, is removing oneself from here. And the starting of this begins in childhood, through being told what to look for ( easter egg hunts- keep the eye locked onto the symbol) and avoiding what is mis-understood. Is the separation one and equal to the fear? The limited values taught are qualities made huge, distorting reality, selective, the predicate of ( to affirm, state, assert something about a subject in a sentence) how to focus, negating what is physically real. This already denying actual self discovery with the tools as the human physical body being able to see what is here. Remember, children are able to learn, and they have no religion, no language, thus what is being accepted and allowed on earth are many varying systems of belief as to what is more than and less than, and none of them have considered the physical as what is real, as equal and one, of the same substance, as life in everything here, despite the fact that practices that work with the earth and the forms of what is here existing as that form functions is symbiotic with earth, maintaining a working system. What is being allowed, in the name of profit is not working.
We have taken all these qualities of life, divided them into cultural role plays, even within each culture, qualities are divided between the sexes, to the point where we make jokes about stereotypes, which means its all predictable, and thus there is no fluid movement in and as life here. It takes all of the qualities as self as life, to move as life here, to be here. This is the gift of life. This is common sense. Thus, all the qualities are not necessarily good or bad, they are simply caged through division, and we have accepted and allowed ourselves to run after the cage, instead of being here, fluid with and as life, a life of non -divisive characters.
What judgements does this child have as separations resonant within that distort what is initially read? What fears as what un-clarified events brought ambiguity - more than one interpretation, meaning the creation of a ‘double meaning” which in essence is a lack of common sense, a separation into selective value directives that are a run from separation/fear? What is creating the constriction within physically ( as this child has a problem with constipation), and the expression of this in the words “ I can’t” as they slump in a chair?
I think of the teenage girls I met in New York, wanting to become models, watching the transformation from a certain individuality into the image and likeness of what a “model” is, something being lost, to become a stereotypical image, flat, limited, behaviors of stereo - type, the broadcast and blueprint voiced in cultural jokes of predictive behavior.
This is a human creation, that can be stopped, through realizing what has been allowed in separating ourselves from the value being life. Such transgressions from life are alive, as thoughts, emotions,and feelings, the judgements as the voice of the selected values masking the separation/fear from self as life, that which is, in common sense, able to be here, and thus direct as life, here, able to see, here, to exist one and equal to and as life, here.
To stop the behavior of running away from ambiguity that is one and the same as chasing one’s own cage of stereo-type, is to stop a system of division into more than and less than as what is the system that provides the needs for a life in dignity, this means taking what is here as the resource to support the profit being life, and to move this on this earth in such a way that all life is cared for, all life is supported equally, to get this world in order and functioning, meaning flourishing, all of it, not just some parts, all of it, every inch of it. Within this, the only choice is to be this, which means to give as one would like to receive, to do what is best for all, to take what supports life and to practice this. Stability, sustainability, security is in equality. This is common sense.

Walk the Desteni I Process Pro and/or Desteni Lite to bring the divisions of self back into equality and oneness with self as life in common sense in and as life here.

Stand and support a system of equality, as Equal Money Capitalism, to get this world existing in dignity, every inch of it.