Mental Graphic Novel Business Day 784

This week I was working with a child, who I noticed as the behaviors, was, ‘ standing in something’ that was the best match for what they felt. I likened this to how absorbent I am, we are, as our innate capacity to understand. The child appeared to me to be trying this out, being the effects of this behavior and at the same time expressing how they felt.  It appeared to me to be the whole child, and not as much the way adults can be, where they do not look as their presence, as their ‘ state of being” ( in this case it is similar yet not as incorperated). This being, as the adult being  instead a built series of such experiences as this child, manifesting as multiple experiences  of such a reference. Again, what caught my attention, was how this was the child, they were embodying this and testing this out, while it somehow matched something they had experienced. 

In the desteni I process, I find that I have so many times said the words, spoke the forms, and yet as things come more into focus, the reality of allowing myself to be both the subject and the object at the same time, without resistance, and realizing there is no need to be afraid, is a process, and yet, it is like an uncovering of what we already know.  It is as it says it is, in that it is the removal of self denial as the capacity to sense what is here, and be here, respecting what is here. How can what is a simple thing become such a messy thing and so ignored for so long as a loss of self recognition? How can a busyness of ordering stuck up in a resonant spin using ordering, become such a dissonance from reality? I ask the obvious question, yet is this not a part of the process, as as-king is a powerful tool of reflection. 

On the greater stage, I look at articles about Syria and other areas in the middle east, that describe the rubble left behind from bombs. I read a book written by a local author who experienced the Russians coming into eastern Germany and basically expelling the Germans and replacing them with Polish people, at the end of WW2  They just simply came and pushed some people out and replaced them with others, and this after coming in and taking all the livestock and crops, leaving the people with nothing.  What would motivate such an action that has no regard for the life, the resources of men and planet? Could it be a construct of values floating in the minds of men that are a separation from reality? How has that obviously resonant limitation come to be larger than life?  And why, can we not realize, especially in understanding the import- ance of education that it is possible to inFORM a person with a measured math as a measured value system that is not inclusive of all values as this physical reality?  Is it so difficult to realize that our within is not equal to the without, our ‘ above’s ‘ not equal to the practical ‘ below’? 

This is such a waste of capable resources. This is such a mis-use of what we are. What astounds me the most, as this is as astonishing as realizing the depth of a self imposed through a great effort to suppress,  as devastating as the bombs on the land,  of the self as life, as presence as the capacity to be here, and not so busy with graphing out what is to come, what might come, what is possible, based on an idea that is of something out there, in some place that is not here, as here is where things get done, as nothing was ever done within thinking about it- the focus to do demands all of one's attention on here, which also reveals that one must understand here, to get something done? And this, begs the question as to why we are placing our children in front of television sets and in schools that are boxes,  that are not reality?  And to not move into anther polarized value judgement to the extent we deny such things a television, as a proper use of television, can be supportive! I mean, Imagine creating one of those holographic programs that show the life and sequence of a seed? That would be really cool in terms of bringing attention to the expressive life of nature that is a constant surrounding us. Remember, trees create oxygen for us to breath. I do not think that any human apparatus is as symbiotic and self replicating as that tree within the very fabric of and as what nature is. In other words, nature is a great technology, one that, by some recollections, something that terra formed this earth, and may have been brought from somewhere else- thus, if we look at the pyramids, that some argue were built with a greater skill set than known today, could it be that those with this supposed ‘ greater skill set’ have realized that the fabric of plants and bugs and animals, was something worth sustaining, as it could not be recreated because of its inherent efficiency? Why reinvent the wheel into something less than what already exists that has a sustainable balance? 

If I am so busy graphing things out, and having learned about the world in a box, it would make sense that actions that are not what is best for life, as life, as bombing this earth for some graphed out idea that is in itself a separation from considering all things as being the problem!  That self constructed and accepted as imposed  graph of information, of IN FORM ation,  has been made larger that what is real! 

Within myself  I realize how much time I spent in time! lol, Meaning how much I resisted and rejected and composed myself in self interest, as the same that is the problem that is an act of separation from who and what I am that is of the same fabric as the tree that is a fabric of life that is self sustaining and self creating and in balance if we would allow it to be the expression of what it is!

In the movement, as the practice as the process in slowing down to recognize this, I also realize within a process of elimination of being as busy within composing a belief system, and uncovering being less fearful in meeting other graphic novels as the expression as the colored energies of others being the same as myself as a state of resonant separation,  that the degree with which I have allowed this, can be re-versed back into being in humbleness with this reality. This meaning that I can, with joy, acknowledge my mis-takes on reality, redo the math, and live solutions. This does not demand that I graph out all possible scenarios, within self protection and defense, because the means is the practical reality around me.  Those shadows as ‘ state of colored being’ need not define me, and can be used , or recognized for what they are, without fear,  as standing here, in respect of the practical and the physical reality.  It is to say, why not enjoy being/becoming the uncovering as the self discovery of the life that is here as the physical, which is what is natural?

I can, lol, imagine if we reformed this earth into realizing that we can be what we naturally are, as discovering how this reality functions, within and as self directing within the principle that all that is here is us, as the very fabric of creation. 

It is actually fun to call things out by name, to be clear about what is around us, and to realize that this clarity deepens, just as learning an instrument has that quality of a depending understanding that is a joy of discovery, slowed down only by a threat of survival that can consume one’s natural presence as an innate ability to completely absorb something and stand as it, just as we do as babies when we learn to crawl and to walk and to talk- we embody something, we embody the world around us, we embody the states of value that are not necessarily bad, yet can become automated and stagnant, in our parents that are directed by survival in a forgetfulness of the very fabric of what we are as that physical manifestation of form and function that is of a design that is self sustaining, and self generating and self balancing. 

I mean, why do I write as script this out? Why do I sit here and write this out? What am I using to do this? I am using words, as small degrees of sound, to map out, to graph out, to bring my words into equality and oneness with what equalizes me to this physical creation that I cannot live without. I mean, look at the mankind having to leave their homes, their lives disrupted, their basic needs questionable in being met,  the resources turned into rubble unnecessarily,  because of some idea imposed on reality! It makes no sense. And, the answer I am so often given, as “ if common sense were common, then it would be utilized “ is an endgame answer that reveals that lack of insight that is the real problem. Such a statement reveals the problem, as a non-looking that lends the solution, which is to LOOK HERE. In looking here at the practical, the graphic superimposed, resonantly metaphysical reality known as ego, is an active rejection of innate common sense, as that absorbent ability! 

What is interesting in tandem with all of this, is that physically I feel that my chest is going to burst out, to the extent that moving into thinking, is becoming more and more impossible, it is too limited.  It is like being a compassion without a desire for gain. The moment I move into a colored value, I lose  catching, or reading, or reeding what is here. I remember this, because I had to be this to perform, it was the only way, no matter what, no matter what politics were around me, it took some time and I would not say I was perfect at it. At the same time, in some ways, I also isolated myself because of being this. Interesting how we have a secret shadow mid of fear, and a secret sense of recognizing the separation of ourselves from the reality around us. I mean, that sense within me, that what we are doing makes no sense, is the same as that of which I speak.

It is also to realize that each of us has this same thing within ourselves. We can recognize this. I find more and more, that people will listen. They can recognize. It is a matter of reforming the sound, finding a structure that can he held, that can be grasped enough for greater reflection of the practical without loss of where one is and the demands of our present system of survival.  Real-eyezing  being grounded in the practical is using that natural ability to organize, to realize the ordinary in the practical as being the joy as it allows the busyness of ordering things to be more expeditious and not as large or overwhelming as one might suppose when one is in a resonance of values graphed by the self, absorbed from others, as the loss of presence in the practical reality of a physical life. 

If we make spelling our words with ease, then our focus can be opened up to more than momentary graphs of things we absorb as our natural capacity to understand what is here as this reality. This is because human use words to communicate. It is as though, language is a means to equalize one’s presence into this reality. It is the instrument of what we are, to realize the clarity of ourselves within as life. Life being what takes what is good and does no harm, as that reciprocity that is the nature of our natural absorbent ability.  Recognition of something can be fun,  and a self discovering mechanism into clarity. 

A dream coat of a mind-consciousness projection Day 777

If I want presence of and as all things, I have to become that presence. This means I have to hear the life around me as the physical reality.  Facing the metaphysical bubbles of self interest, that move as a colored energetic emotional swirl, visible in the subtle and visible strings pulling the flesh this way and that, are but small, in comparison to this living practical and physical reality. Ever present, if what is unique - lol ‘uni-que’ is like one quest, self honesty. . If I fear that, I am fearing myself, because despite the mannered values that are monopolistic, there, is always something unique that cannot hide, in each individual. If that remains constant, despite the separation into persona, can I realize myself within and reacting to bringing that forward? 

I write here, to script things out, to see where I am, and to construct ‘ takes’ in my process of birthing life into the physical. I realize, in learning how to crawl, there will be mis-takes. they are always gifts towards balance. It is learning to play an instrument. 

I watched a video of someone this week. In the situation I had been half listening to a person speaking, as the focus in the interaction had  changed from one thing to another. While I was busy transitioning, I moved, in the room, towards a video. My presence was still in the previous moment. I saw the person in the video, in the whole context from another lens. The person appeared to me to be someone I know, who I have watched on videos many many times. Form that lens I thought, why does this person in the present video have a flattened nose! lol, that was the thought that came up, from a presence colored with immediate comparison of past forms imposing themselves on the moment. Not necessarily a ‘ bad’ , yet myself not immediately present. When I moved closer to the video, and the person came more into focus, as did I, what I could see is the movements of the person I had delegated to the image in my mind, and what was in the forefront as I picked up more details of the physical movements in the person in the video. It was like a morphing of many different things; my experiences, from many dimensions, at a distance of experiences to more self understood ticks in my own movements. The person in the video became their own person, and appeared like a kind of puppet, moved by many emotions. This hit me so hard, it appeared so extreme. I recognized some of my own patterns. All I can say is that when it is said we walk in a valley of smoke and mirrors, known as emotions and feelings, based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, as accumulated thoughts creating actions and deeds, we are doing this, and it is extreme. Yet, at the same time, it is so small, a tiny part of ourselves. Though this is as far as I got, because to say I sense what the wholeness might be, I cannot, too in focus on the techno colored swirling in the flesh, was I. It is like ‘ oh shit!” lol.

I have a tendency to move to the greater stage, as the world platform, perhaps to avoid seeing my own self.  I find bringing the movements of the larger scale, in relation to my immediate environment helpful. As though understanding something from a distance helps me to face myself.  And yes, this is the same game as the use of metaphor. The parables, as the symbols, the objects made subject, enable me to begin to realize what I adhere to as reaction, that can then be brought back to self. Like backwards analysis. Is this a form of hiding? 

The practical application, the solution is always right here. The power is too or more in my name, as what calling something out by name, bring the obvious here, and makes it re-cognizable in what it is. Calling things out by name, removes the control of them because it is through lack that things become confusing, and this, accepted by the self, because reality is always right here. This is how the whole public school, be design, is the means of the creation of cognitive dissonance, which because of its starting point to be such, has created, as accumulated into such, as we see all around us, in reality, in every town, as the growing cognitive disorders, known as ADHD, ADD, autism and dyslexia. It is a processing disorder, done by acceptance and allowance, done by design. Memorizing the stories of the victors, creates a interference of form, distracting from the practical, and causing a disconnect from real capacity, which is an acknowledgement of capacity. It is the maintenance of creating bubbles of information to direct the person, causing mis-takes in practical living. Cognitive dissonance is acknowledgment of separation. It is like being stuck in rudimentary learning, or RULE I MENTally have acclimated to and as that directs me, where what I was in the box, of sounded storied information, does not fit into the real math as the living and breathing world around me. After all, we all admit that we need to get back to nature, which is the admission that we need to INCLUDE all things, as the physical. Our segmented rulings, as our beliefs, that we have habituated to the extent they are more real than what is here, is a interference math, that does not fit into the sound of life, that is all things around us. We need to wake up all of who and what we are.  We need to play the instrument of and as who and what we are here.

Okay, so I am watching this video, of this person, and I am astounded by the moving and swirling self directing beliefs, within this person. I begin to sort, to find some grounding. It is from here, that I realized to look for what is eternal, and yet, realize, to some degree, I avoid because it means really looking at myself. Yet, as the same time, because I am of mankind,  I find myself somewhat overwhelmed. As a man, having information is calming. On a quantum level, things move in quantum ways, meaning one does not learn one part to then add, one must being many parts into balance; clarifying more, also clarifies what yet needs to become more focused. Meaning , I can focus on the lack ONLY, or I can realize, as well, the sense of being in calm the capacity to realize information lends. 

Reacting this to another event this week, brings forward how much in reaction I can allow myself to get lost within, was a meeting where a person constantly used endearments when speaking with others. Meaning, her frames of information - which were interesting and insightful- were always framed with ‘ honey’, or ‘ dear’ or ‘ sweetie.’ I find such annoying, because it is not real endearment, it is endearment used to soften a person before making a statement. Effective in some ways, distracting in others. It presupposes a deeper connection, it is like giving a present to place a person in ‘ giving mode,’ before one has any idea of what one agrees to and towards. Yet this is my take on it, despite it being an obvious tool of control of protection. It cannot determine who and what I am unless I allow it. Within this, I could feel the pull, the polarizing as the sound as the words of value judgments coming forward. I was both aware of the device, annoyed by it, and the movement within me, of and as the lending of pity for me, in a way. I responded within me as realizing the self pity I accepted and allowed.  It is being pulled into a personification, to change the narrative and never allow it to move beyond a certain framework. What is real, might just be uncovered. Since hate is always self hate, meaning we know we are not being responsible, self responsible,  wanting acknowledgement of my own self pity, is like being told , “ it is okay, yes it is sad.” and then not moving into introspection and self correction. Yet, this is the mode in which we are stuck! This is how limitation is used to suppress a state of being where there are no problems only solutions, in this physical and practical world. This is the story of a mind consciousness of separation, in plain sight. 

Dare I LOOK at what is eternal, and stand here? This means, DARE I LOOK at myself? DARE I process this reality, no longer being effected by a false morality composed of limitation, as the game of good and evil instead of respecting life that is physical, to realize what does no harm? There is no other choice. 

If I look at taxation, I can see everything we do in this reality with a construct of legal means is imposed as accepted, as the starting point is ourselves, creating the ending point/construct. We are living in ‘ going to the movies’ mode, where we pay to watch our own disassociation of ourselves. In order for that tax - to live- to end, each must accept this life. The gift is that sense one gets when enough information is realized to lend a sense of clear self direction, because we are happy, truly happy when we are effectively engaged, and unhappy when we are not. 

I can become present here, remain steady with here. My projections are okay, as I can recognize them and ground them. I can see the valley of good and evil, superimposed on the physical, like a swirling techno colored DREAM coat, using metaphor and parable to hide within itself, through distraction of a storied mis-information in separation and of fragmented knowledge and information made larger than reality as the physical. LOL, when will we realize that this was done by the supposed reptilians, and was a further intensifying of what we had allowed within ourselves, thus there is no one to blame and no reptilians doing anything to us, as it could only be done through acceptance. Time to respect the living, breathing, physical reality as who and what we really are here. As life, we are untouchable. As personality, we are walking death of life.

More on Processing Information . Day 756

I have decided to do a 21 day consistent blog post. Something that I have not done for a while.

Why? To realize patterns, to improve the ability to see how I move every day. To practice realizing patterns to increase my recognition of patterns of behavior and by extension, call them out by name, because like using a metronome to speed up processing,  I become more than just doing one aspect of something, as in learning an instrument, learning to play an instrument, I do not ONLY learn one thing and add it to the whole, I build in becoming aware of all parts. 

Everyone has something unique about them, we all realize that, this that one could say is somehow lost as we get older.

And everyone has ideas, beliefs and opinions, after all do we not know the beliefs of our friends?  DO we not argue about the political denominations and what they believe should be brought forward as a value? Why is it that we endlessly debate this? We argue about phonetic teaching and whole word teaching, when the process involved both. It is actually some of both. The action of reciprocity between the two takes one forward. It is like a movement into greater and greater balance.

This morning i woke up and moved to make a cup of coffee. I stopped, because i have added something else that i am doing before I make a cup of coffee. As I found myself moving to make the coffee before this added activity, it was as though I could see, as I was lead, by that habit, that was like a cloud around me. It had a definite division between the space of here and myself, and it appeared as something projected outside of myself. Remember many talk about a veil. 

I mean, ask yourself, when you become emotional about something, which has the quality in behavior of resisting something, what that movement is? Could you, if you looked, sense the tension in the space of that? I mean, why is it that we can go to the ocean and sense a lightness, an airiness in the space? Why is it that we can go and walk in nature and sense what appears, or could be called a presence in itself? Just because the information that composes that habit I have changed in the morning for myself cannot be ‘ seen’ what is it that is actually causing that movement to be automatic? Could it be as invisible as I believe? It was not there when I was a child because I did not have that habit? What was that ‘force” or movement around me that I could almost sense the edge of as I recalled what I had made a new decision to do and had to change out of? 

I mean, when I enter a group, because I want to get involved, do I  enter into the group to acclimate to the composition of information, as that body of directing information as the habit of making coffee first thing in the morning that I had to change up to do something new?  When I enter into a new group, am I moving to compose myself to that body of information? Yes, and it is probably natural, habituated with a focus so much on that, that one has forgotten how that following of information is built. In this, one is walking around in resonant bubbles of information, acclimating one’s own resonance to others, with friction when the two are different, as one has forgotten to become silent, to realize potential from a starting point of seeing not only this consequence of resonance but also that which is the physical reality around us that can when one is near the ocean, a remembrance of that sense of lightness that happens when one is near the ocean. 

It is just like learning a language. The language of math, for example. As one practices the basic algebra, one moves with more ease and greater processing ability to the point where one sees the equation and the answer at the same time. If one does something like this in a narrow focus, one can forget the whole and become as I was potentially moving this morning, moving as habit, as a set body of information creating a resonant model, and potentially forgetting the new movement I had made the decision to be and do that I managed to catch and change, and also, could almost, in such a subtle way, sense the outer line of that bubble that must be composed of information that I projected and followed as me. 

It is somewhat like learning vibrato on the violin. I started slow, set the boundaries, and then speed up the movement until it became manageable and natural, the magic being in the doing of the thing. I had to move beyond automation, because sometimes one speed of vibrato worked well in one case, and another in another case. I had to be in control of it, every tiny measure of and as it. Otherwise, it ran me away from myself, and I became uncertain with and as it. 

I ask myself how much I do not slow down to enter into a moment with a clear slate, to not only see my habits within this, but also to see the potential, which I would call change as acceptance and embracing of what is here. This means to realize my own patterns of behavior, and the composition of such patterns in others around me, and what is equal in presence to the living reality around me. 

I see, realize and understand how this that I was this morning before I caught myself, that I was walking in on the valley of earth, and standing in a bubble of values that were quite literally a movement of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, no longer questioned and habituated, of a presence creating a veil of directing information that was a shadow and not myself being present here. It was myself not aware of who and what I am as a living man on a physical planet. I had created/composed a shadow world that I followed instead of being aware of this, and myself here. 

Ask yourself why with age, a sense of space is lost, as one begins to lose one’s natural spatial sense. Ask yourself why in high school, one language as math or language can become something one feels one is not good at? Is this not a red flag that one’s sense of measure has narrowed to the extent one has already  become beliefs filled with associative thinking that has the behavior of resistance to some things and acceptance of others? Is that not the beginning of a loss of real critical and creative thinking/presence/awareness?  Is that not the loss of  being able to change and look here? Is that not the beginning of walking in the valley of smoke and mirrors and only seeing the composition of one’s accumulated value judgements? 

If I can sense the edges of vibrato on a string, can’t I sense the edges of an entity of belief directing a body, just as I did this morning , and do in certain social situations? Does pushing against and resisting such things  allow the two minds of and as this to meet?  Is this how we have come to ignore and abuse this real living physical reality, as that on which our feet are placed that is real? 

Until tomorrow. Thank you for reading. 

Day 656 Information is not free, yet information is free.

In the last days I notice a growing loopy-ness, as I call it. Meaning, I have a sense of not being grounded, present, here.

It feels like there are too many things to juggle at the moment, like I am pulling stings and balancing them out.

I watch for self pity, blame, spite, anger, anything that does not move into solution, as in bring clarity and discernment in removing discord and stabilizing in ease, as in not having to uphold a lie. In this, I begin to realize what I speak must stand on its own. The value being in the words being a structural guidance that never falters. What I construct with my words, can lye within what is eternal so I never have to go back and correct. It is to say what I mean and mean what I say.

In a world where emotions of value judgement elongate in space and time, and move into nouns, like a ‘ now’ that is not here, and this ‘ noun ‘ is believed to bring renown, I at times, lose all patience. And then I feel like I am beginning to move into some soupy area some might call airy fairyness .

This comes up when I mention music. I find that within this, I open a door to another giving me their story about how they wished they had studied music, or how they played an instrument and, often, gave up. It appears to me to take a really long time to have to listen to this. And, as I say these words, I remember all those times after a performance when I encountered the audience and the long stories and praise about the music and their own relationships with music. At times, after years, I wanted to gag. Here, in my thirties, I realized that it had nothing to do with some talent or some specialness, it was having walked a process, a practice of measuring within the necessary steps towards becoming aware of the means to an end as a physical action right in front of me. the only thing ‘ blessed’ about this is the magic in doing.

I can also relate this to education, to the current pyramid scheme of information access. The information around us is like a song, it moves at a certain measure, a certain beat. What is free, as in our public schools is not really free, and the measure is one of information flow that is extremely slow, metered out over time, as though the metering of information is paid out in relation to access. The more access to information, the more one pays. 

Even within class structures this is true, as the more access to others with more access to greater measure, which is greater understanding, the more variations one is exposed to, and the greater the vocabulary one has - as in the greater exposure one has. Thus, what appears to be cheap, is cheap, within and as its very measure of information. One could say, that lesser measure of information is inflated in time and space, metered out, over a greater extent of time, acclimating one to that measure, until it is believed to be a truth. In this we program the physical with what measure of exposure we can pay for. This is how a ‘ good’ as public school education can appear to be beneficial, yet it is not. Were public school beneficial, we would not have the growing elephant in the room, as the varying degrees of attention deficit dis-orders. Ironic how in our words we tell ourselves what we are accepting and allowing. And, our religiously indoctrinated minds, take what we accept and allow through admission, and instead of looking at what is measurably right in front of us, as space and time, we reject investigation, or if we do, we fear to stand, as I have, and instead become reactions of blame. And yet, on some level, this act of blame is an act of crying a measure and then voicing it, where the listener must have great patience for the storm to pass, a storm of limitation, and then direct, giving into the elongated structure and bringing it back into a practice that grounds in common sense, as this is the way and the means to giving as one would receive, which is to give the measurable means to self responsibility. Some will choose the storm of their separation, not yet able to hear though the resonant dissonance.

If we become what we think about, we program our physical bodies, resonantly. I mean, there are cultures of people that believe if a man sleeps with a woman, that that woman is then dirty. In a way this is an admission that we program our bodies resonantly. In this example there is another layer, that if the man is the one who has slept with the woman, than that man is the cause of that considered-to-be-what-dirties the woman. Yet, this whole system of circular thought shows how twisted the mind and its justifications can be- and even made into a truth by the victors that is then programmed into a culture, a measure, a data that builds a societal structure that is obviously not what is best and disrespectful of physical living- that physical living that can be programmed. Obviously, this cultural ‘ truth’ is creating an inferior object through projection of a series of words/measure configured and repeated until it is believed to be a truth, the real action a rejection of self responsibility by the real actor as the screamer, the screamer appearing superior ( yet the more immediate cause of the problem) hiding by projection without onto another object, that object then taking the blame. Somehow, were we not shown this in Machiavellian thought?

I can see all those smoky snakey shadows that move like a mirage through space and time, hearable through the measure as the words, where I lose my patience and start to feel loopy. I become a judgement of a judgement.  I begin to get caught up in the storm of separation.

My response to this, over all, is that what is real, as the physical is really free, it is right here in front of me. It is creation information. It is of a stable measure, even if it is cluttered with the resonance of separation as the self interest of men, of myself as I react to limitations around me that are a lack of real self responsibility.

In some way, I could look at this as having to move through a value system that is in self interest, a rest in a measure that is believed to be freely chosen, when it is a choice to use measure to hide from practice into an inflation of one aspect. At, times, during quartet rehearsals, I had to direct back into playing, because avoidance often took time through endless quibble about one aspect of the music being performed. 

It took time for me to admit that I did this too sometimes. In the end it is how I learned to see the measure around me, because I had done the same, thus I could not blame, because it might potentially reveal that I was, or had done, the same. lol This creates a silent smokey snakey storm within me, one that I hide through distraction without, or silence myself to remain in the background, praying that no one sees, my prayers like the wizard of oz curtain that I stand behind turning knobs to make my physical body appear to be calm. And meanwhile, I am no longer in the practice of living, respecting the actual physical world. I have become what I despise in others.

Last week I worked with two children. Both were initially reluctant. Then they began to open up. Until we went into reading. Then time and space changed, everything slowed way down and information started to move very very slowly. I wanted to reach out my hand and cut through the mirage. I realize I am this a lot of the time too. The best way to describe this, at this moment, is varying degrees of pressure.

And then, as the information begins to flow, the child opens up, becomes more at ease. More openly shares themselves as though the joy of living has somehow come back. The passage is reread. What I notice here is a sense that the words suddenly are filled with a clarity that has the child sensing that they read slower than they initially read, when what has happened is that space of clarity has brought an abundance of life back into their awareness and they are reading with less stutter and more fluid speed. It is like opening up a portal to life within them.

Thus, when I begin to feel that I am becoming loopy, I have to stop, and realize that I can change into the loop - so to speak- and become it for a moment, sort it out, and take that which is desired, ultimately by all, as becoming a portal to life, and take too elongated inflated values and place them into a practical measure that directs in ways that consider all things and grounds oneself here, to see the real measure of reality as the physical and an understanding that we are creators, be it to create a smokey snake valley of smoke and mirrors, or to participate in real abundance as the real physical world that is freely given as life information in expression right here in front of us, as us, and surrounding us in every way, always, here. 

Know your caged mind, and that from which it is composed, to open yourself as life to equality and oneness with and as life as the physical.

Day 550 The storied existence of the NOW and the presence of HERE.

I am looking at the word “ now.” It means to be a historical story as a point that is a sequence of events built from a past.  This means that one is in a state that is of a story of a series of events. If I allow myself to be defined as this, then I am not here, I am a “ now” instead of a here. And as this, I take events within a bordered historical reference and define myself as this. One can do this in a moment, to clarify a sequence, but to define as this only is to become a program of and as this. Would this not slow perception down, if one were this only, as a definition? And, would not what was not included, what did not maintain this story, be rejected? And then would this “ now” separate one from here, from aligning oneself here?

So, to exist as a repetition of the past, is to become a limited self definition, which so many of us do when we talk about what school we went to, and what area we came from, or what the history of our family was, or how much money we have or do not have, and /or what we missed or lack based on our economic opportunity- because it takes money in this system to develop oneself - which begs the question as to why we allow lack! Would we not be programming ourselves in allowing a past sequence of events to define us and as such justify why we are what we are? This is in essence programming because it is a state of being that is reciting a sequence of events, which is essentially reciting our past program of events. And as this, we are not looking at the form and structure of here objectively, which means we are busy with story as past, and not realizing the patterns as our story, bringing them here, and seeing the structural whole systemically that is creating the consequences we recite as our stories!

So, in essence we are programming ourselves instead of being objective about the subject of our lives as what the systemic form subjects us to in terms of access to development. And we know how a human is developed to reach their full potential, and we know that many potentials do not fit into the economic model that believes some are more than others, which is another storied belief system held in place by the individual programs of story based on ignorance of the limitations of being a now past. Now, a program of such self limitation holds in place a system of judgement called hierarchy using money, which is wealth from freely given resources to maintain story that is in separation from practical physical reality. The program of hierarchy takes a lot of effort to maintain itself, because it is counter to practical reality, to being here, in common sense of what enables such programming, which is the physical.

In the “ now” programming, conception is lost, because the conception of self as mind, is of a sequence of events, instead of a conceptual development of physical reality, on which the “ now” exists.  To move from a limited conception to a direct seeing conception will appear to be a loss, when it is a loss that removes a storied, programmed inner picture show built of value judgements based on past story in a system of inequality built from a storied in-separation of common sense of the whole presence. Here presence - as inclusion of practical reality allows self to gain an awareness of a living breathing, creation of life information, which is life expression, here. So, it is to say this change is a loss of belief, that is a gain of life. The gain is to be on the cutting edge of creation. Creation would be sound, using all of the physical to balance and ensure that all forms are moving in ways that do no harm. This is something we have never experienced, so we do not know what life is because we have been so busy, for eons, telling stories because we have allowed ourselves to program ourselves as a story of value/ self definitions and then move into comparison of story being competition, instead of enjoyment of expression, realizing that all expression is in many ways discovery and being here, in common sense of practical physical reality. So every expression, every form is a gift to understand creation, and as such the enjoyment of being life, here. The real “ story” is the physical. If we can read this, and make this our story, then one would exist as a multisensory living direct seeing expression equal and one to the story of life as the actual real physical here. So, how do you define yourself?

This is why, our words must become living words, instead of storied/programmed limitations of self validation infearior to life. Real validation is to cross reference with the physical, with every breath, to enable equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated at the storied past of another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to another’s story, another’s self perpetuating program as a sequence of events believed to define, and within this to reject listening, where it is listening that allows me to see the patterns of limitations, and the opportunity to walk such limitation into equal and one understanding of practical physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that walking through a  limited storied existence is burdensome, which is myself fearing that such a program will infect me, but the solution is to give as I would like to receive which is to walk limitation into a self discovery of equality and oneness to practical physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to resistance to simple definition of words, for example, where a response is that a word is known, and within this, the subject immediately changed to avoid being clear within a measure  as a movement that appears to be a slowing down, when such slowing down is building an ease as a foundation that is equal and one with and as a measure of practical physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, and within this to not see realize and understand that I allow myself to become an agenda and as such a storied existence, instead of taking the time to use a limitation being a believed program of and as a means to be life, which it cannot, thus such separation can end the race as time, and begin the journey to equality and oneness to and as life here, by walking the measure of becoming the living word, learning to read practical reality, to become a reed of and as life here, sounding equal and one to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how limited values are elongated in space and time and storied, repeated again and again, which in many ways is an emotional storm that cannot withstand the test of time, and as such peaks and dies, and which cannot define me unless I accept and allow this paranormal movement of this energy instead of sound equality, this paranormal that is a ghost/projected shadow in the machine of a human allowing and accepting a self definition based on past events, such events at present being a consequence of the accumulation of such behavior that has now manifested into a system held in place by such actions having automated genetically, as memory can be passed down generationally, like a pollution of story that was never cleaned up which means aligned to practical common sense of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing equal and one to a program of limitation, which can only define me if I accept and allow this to do so.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the physical as life information, is here, like a cradle, as a sound information, gifting practical reality as the physical sound formation of an as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my emotions and feelings are the accumulation of the thoughts that are a measure of a part of existence, a part of a quality of the physical, which i accumulate and allow to build a self definition because I fear being equal and one with and as life, the physical, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing to lose and everything to gain, in letting go of an automated self definition as a storied past, as the now, because the physical is here, with every step I take, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind as a thought is a part of reality, not good or bad, just an aspect, a quality of and as the formation of the physical expression in and as life here, one that can change with every breath, but when the imagination is made larger than life and the thought allowed to define self, limitation sets in as the part is accepted and allowed to define, and the gift of life that is the physical mechanism becomes less than the imagination.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I project onto others what does not support the state of being of myself as an imaginative part only, becoming blame and spite as my accepted and allowed behavior, which is to spite myself as life, as I exist as a default as mind, as memory instead of equality and oneness to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I blame the poor because the poor reveal to myself the parts I take to create a self definition that I then impose on the world around me to accept or else have no chance at survival, seeing realizing and understanding within this, that in order for my self justification to be real, what reveals my limitation must be removed, which overall is a crime against life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that systemically the order, the measure of the world system, is the image and likeness of what i allow within and as me as a storied existence that is my imagination built of limited parts that I have accepted and allowed to define me, where I allow the destruction of whole countries to turn resources into commodities to maintain the ghost in the machine as my personification that is composed of parts creating a limited design as a system from a starting point of self allowing inferiority to and as what i am as a physical being in creation which would be the way and the means of life, thus by my very accepted and allowed  limited storied existence as mind imagination made larger than life, known as ego, ordered as class, nationality, money acquisition,  belief, experience, idea opinion,  I fade into white as age and consume the very flesh formation of expression as life as the physical, so I allow the destruction of life on earth in not being equal and one to and as the physical world here.

When and as I have a thought, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that within this I  can stand in common sense of practical physical reality, which is the means and expression in and as life, here.

When and as I find myself in thought, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that such thoughts i have allowed and accepted to define me, as a thought can be a positive value that I believe is what I am, or a negative value as an emotion that I have allowed to define me as a good or a bad, all based on a past within a system manifest of same action accumulated over time, but which began with self, and as such must be equalized back into practical physical reality as this is the way and the means of life.

When and as I find myself becoming emotional, or excited as a feeling, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand how I have defined myself as idea, belief or opinion, because of experiences of a past within a system that is an automated manifestation of separation from equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself fearing for my survival, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that money is flowing in the form or usury, which is to take parts of qualities of life as resources and to move them through limited pathways to support a self definition that is a composition of belief based on an imagination that is in separation from common sense of practical reality, where whole nations are destroyed to turn water - for example- into a commodity to usuriously pre-empt a common sense local use of that resource that could organize the local, regional, national, physical earth in ways that create a self directed order that respects and maintains the physical life that is there directly on the ground, which would be a system of stewardship of earth, which is to exist as a state of being, equal and one to and as the life that is the physical, as this is the way and the means of and as the expression of life information.

When and as I find myself judging, as being in a state of story as a self definition as a mental “ now”, I stop and I breath and I see realize and understand that I have become a parasitical energetic flame of limited parts that consume the flesh as the formation of life as what allows me to exist as the gift of life, here, and I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to stand equal and one to the parts as values of good and bad, as my accepted and allowed self definition, and I see realize and understand this usurious ghost in the machine as my personification that is myself existing as a paranormal event, and I bring myself here, to become equal and one in measure of common sense with and as the means of life, which is the physical world, to stand as what I am as the presence and substance of and as life, equalizing myself into practical reality, standing in common sense with and as the substance of the physical here to become of sound mind which is myself in equality and oneness to bearth myself into the physical as this is the way and the means of life here.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotional/feeling reaction, I stop and I breath, and I see what I reject and what I impose to define me, as thoughts, in protection and self defense of myself as an imagination which is a mis-use of the tool of imagination, as this is a paranormal event I am accepting and allowing creating an elongation of limited measure separating myself from a direct seeing conception of physical reality and as such a loss of common sense, and I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I bring the parts as self definitions back to self, to align in common sense to equality and oneness to and as life, here.

Day 519 Cross Purposes - Journey to Life

I walked into a store today and noticed that I became what I call “ loopy” very much like I am “ vibrating within, which is myself losing focus here. I say this because I have this happen, especially when I read about finances and money. The twists and turns of how we are simply printing money and lending it with interest, makes no sense, like I cannot get a grasp on the lack of common sense of it. So, perhaps, I am looking for meaning and sense in something that really makes no sense. Somehow, this is what happens when I get loopy. I mean, does out paranormal existence make any sense? No.

I have been someone that asks questions, and sometimes this gets me into “ trouble”, which I would at present call “ upset.” By this I mean, upsetting a belief, because to ask a question that points out a discrepancy, is to upset a limitation. And then I react, because such pointing out of discrepancies within something that does not make sense, causes a reaction, and in answer to such a reaction I stumble. Like I have done something wrong.

Of course, sometimes I just miss something and ask a question that is myself having been ignorant and as such missed a detail. But there is a difference. One elicits a spiteful, impatient answer and the other is either simple as in “ You missed this.” or “ You idiot, read the damn material.” lol

At present, American Society has allowed a belief that one cannot upset another’s feelings and emotions. But, sometimes these emotions and feelings have no real substance in any form of common sense. I mean it is like being ignorant, and having an aspect pointed out, and the response is, “ But that is how I feel,” and this must be respected, despite it being ignorant.

So, I am in this store and I realize I am getting loopy. Why? Was I getting geared to be at cross purposes with myself, as in suppressing myself to fit into accepting  “feelings “ that were really ignorance to remain socially “ polite?” 

So, I slowed myself down, reminded myself of where I was, and thought about what I needed only and no more. I walked through the store telling myself I need only remain in common sense, and if, for example I wanted to stand and look at the butter and go through my head if I needed to get some more at the moment, and if this would be better to get today, instead of having to shop in three days then so be it. Standing there looking like I was not being the efficient New Yorker - for example, was not the point. So, all this loopyness was ideas about how I am supposed to be, and not myself being in common sense, stable, here. Also, to let go of any worries, because at that moment, I could only do what was necessary in front of me. So, I focused myself “ here.”

When I had gotten home, I started to read this book about money, and I noticed the same thing happening. I stopped and reread the opening paragraphs. Again, I realized I was confused  not because I did not understand the words, but becuase the words as describing the system made no sense, meaning the system makes no sense. And, somehow having to say the system makes no sense, is at cross purposes with what I believe it is that I am supposed to behave as, which is accepting what is, instead of pointing out what really makes no sense.

So, when I feel myself beginning to become what I call “ loopy” I stop and I breath and I realize the polarity of my cross purpose into a belief as a self definition based on  limited values in separation from common sense, and I breath, and I bring myself here in common sense of what is practical in a functional purpose in and as the physical, which is always here, moves at ease, and is stable and visible, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be at cross purposes with a common sense of here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, a common sense of a functional reality of which enables the life that is me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be at cross purposes with myself as life, in choosing limited values to define me, and to fear addressing limited values, shaming myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that there is no way out of existing in cross purpose of myself as life, as this was myself as a small child which is a past that is not what and who I am here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within cross purposes as a polarity system of value judgements of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, in separation from and of limitation from what is best for all as the functional purpose of what respects the expression of life as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become stubborn in the face of resisting limitations, and as such to begin to ignore common sense, and as such to shut down my own common sense, trapping myself within believing that there was no way out, and within this realizing that as a child, I was physically vulnerable due to my size and standing against many adults.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become at cross purposes with myself as life, to move towards reward to avoid punishment, and to be ashamed for having avoided punishment in self interest rejecting myself as life, and within this to realize this need not be myself here, as I am not my past as a child, I am here.

With in this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become self blame for allowing a cross purpose of myself as life, in and as choosing to avoid punishment where avoiding punishment was in itself a reward, and in so doing hating myself and being ashamed of myself for having abdicated myself as life, and as this hiding in shame and self pity , believing myself to be unworthy of life, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the only way out of punishment, was to become submissive, and within this to have a thought that I was trapped, and to realize that i was a child, and as this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to pity myself as such and not a means that leads to solution, here, within and as what is best for all, whether this is the past, or myself here, in this moment, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I am trapped.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that limitations accepted and allowed as my past define me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that I am confined, locked in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tighten up in my chest, to believe that in order to survive I must be at cross purposes with myself as life and that as this I must protect and defend myself within and as ensuring that I am not heard or seen as such.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am vulnerable, that I can be susceptible to emotional attack,  and as this, to stand within the principle of what is best for all, to see, realize and understand that a cross purpose of life cannot define me unless I accept and allow it, as i am life, here, and my past cannot define me, here.  

Self corrections to follow.

Day 505 Resistance to words.

I spent a lot of time working with my younger son in middle school. The memory I have is sitting down and looking at every single paper he had to write. What I did was check if he had structured his papers correctly. I allowed myself to get to a frenzied point of dreading to check his work, going to him and asking him if , for example, this or that was a topic sentence, and if this or that was a detail, or if he had substantiated what he had said enough, etc.etc. etc.. But I had become so anxious about it that I have developed this anxious energy that is triggered whenever I have to read something.

Also, when I returned to school, I had to read a lot of books. Some of these books went on and on and on about teaching experiences in a manner of praising teaching and doing this through citing good moments of success. It was a song of how good a person was, and it would go on and on and on and on. And I would read the book because I believed that i had to read every word given to me for the class, that perhaps in all the self aggrandizement there was one sentence that had a point, and I did not want to miss that point. People do and can say very insightful things, but sometimes there is so much fluff around their words it is like wading through mud to get to them. But then, again, this is the mind, filled with the molasses of good and bad, self justification and self validation, and one walks the vortex of separation until finally some point comes through as that person walks through experience all the way back to themselves. Such a waste of time really. And a catch twenty two, because we are supposed to accept this, but this is what needs to be cleaned up. It really is unacceptable. And I am caught in this just as much as anyone. And, this is used to slow down and waste the very life in each of us. It is how the media touts a truth and buries it in half truth/unclear associations that consume life as one spends one’s life sorting through what should be clear, what should be self equal and one with physical reality.

So, because this was not clear to me, and I am not saying that I can catch this every time, because I am conditioned to accept the spin of association or I will be considered rude, when what is rude is the spinning of associations that take attention/focus away from common sense of physical reality. Which means popping bubbles of good and bad values, and getting to the heart of the situation. Which means, standing stable within this, not reacting to the reactions, bringing it all back to common sense.

So, I realize that I have my own values, as judgements attached to reading words, because of these emotional reactions I had in the past within working with my son and reading texts that were filled with a person talking about how wonderful their experiences were, instead of being direct, within what they were doing. And, within this, to realize that there are people who love reading such things, like a romantic novel, wallowing in the endless description of good feelings, where there is then a dip into a possible loss of the ideological picture, that is then a movement of conflict with that ideology that is then brought back resolved, back to the ideological picture. A kind of orgasmic tension and release, via imagery as idea, as mind, very limited in detail, and as such, never able to be lived, thus the book world becomes an alternate reality one escapes to, that does not match physical reality. And physical reality is never lived, one’s sensation of the physical is never realized.

This reaction to words within me is also tied to my mother. I have been told that I am supposed to be compassionate to the emotions and feelings of another, and it is like sitting and “ reading” the same kind of book that goes on and on in self validation. For years, I would become so restless, dreading to have to do this, even thought I could not explain why precisely. And, many times I would put my foot in my mouth - so to speak- because I would call out the point of what was being said before the person got to wallow their way to the point. 

I was at this party, and the man of the house, walked me around to look at all his creations, they were these framed boxes of sectioned trinkets. Each little square had many of the same object. They were very well done. And fun to look at for a moment. The craftsman ship was cool. I enjoyed them. Then we sat down to dinner and he leaned close to me and started to tell me his story, the story of his relationship to his father. I listened. Then it dawned on me that his story was to same story written in books about the father/son relationship. I did not want to hear this pitty patter, I wanted to join in the group conversation. It all happened so fast, it appears slow here because writing is so linear, but in the moment it was more a quantum thought - so to speak. Anyway, I looked at him and said, “ oh, that is Kafka’s story.” Silence. The man had a look on his face like a deer in headlights. More silence. he never spoke to me again. Would not even say hello at the beach parking lot.  I had in one moment unspecialized his story. oops.

Hey, maybe there would have been the tiniest degree of difference, and maybe I would have learned some measure of awareness. But I honestly don’t think so, and, AND, that awareness could have been shared within the group, as an addition to the conversation of the group having a dinner together. Perhaps, the group interaction would have required that the insight from his experience in life be made more concise, more direct. Because, participation in a group demands sharing the space of life, which would balance out tendencies to make one’s emotions and feelings bigger than reality. If I take this and place it in the context of the present system, then we can realize that inequality, where money is directed by a few, instead of from each point of the ground, through purchasing power,  then perhaps the poverty and the abuse we are all allowing to exist would not exist, because the voice of each would balance out inequality, and give the insight of all physical form’s perspective. As it is, it is like we ignore the total fabric of the physical world, and as such limited our awareness of life. And we end up listening to a very limited awareness of life and/or this awareness is spread out and not shared because our feel good emotions are made bigger than reality, as we are not using our heart to sense reality, as the physical world. Instead we hold onto ideas, like we make a trophy of a limited insight/perspective. I mean, this is what advertising does, and it impulses it again and again, filling the vessel of ourselves up, clouding direct seeing in common sense of reality.

I have created an entity as a belief within myself about reading words. I have expectations that the words are unclear, full of fluff. I mean if anyone reading this has ever listened to Liszt’s Faust, or played this piece, you might understand. That piece was like wallowing in the same emotion again and again and again. it was a relief when I no longer had to perform this piece. Even thought I realize I cannot allow myself to become a reaction to such. And within this, I cannot be pride, or arrogance about this, other wise I become the ego I criticize. Because the only thing that is real, is here, this moment, equal and one to and as being a physical  being on a physical planet that operates in practical common sense ways. It must be realized that if every human, became equal and one to physical reality as the value, then life would be fun. 

I, in the mean time - lol - I allowed, will have to slow myself down and self forgive the anxiety I accepted and allowed in reference to reading words. And, to realize when I am reading something that is not to the point, to not react and either make the choice to not continue reading, or continue reading without reactions. And to forgive the judgement that is a memory of myself allowing the checking of my son’s writing as being tedious, when all it was was checking the form and practicing making it clear. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ansi at the idea of having to listen to another’s words and/or read words on a page.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed within having to check the homework of my children.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that in reading another’s words, or to have to listen to another’s words is like being in a prison that i cannot escape from.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like listening to another’s words is like having bullets being pelted on my chest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get a headache at the idea of having to listen to another’s words, or read another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an expectation that reading words is going to be tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that words are cumbersome.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not want to look at words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view words as a burden, as something that cannot change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view words as like a piece of music coming out of someone’s mouth where I am required, as a woman, to accept such words and if I don’t I will be considered difficult, or lacking in compassion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to go into righteousness in reaction to this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in reacting to such I am not addressing the form placed in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see words as something etched in stone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto words as though they are un-mutable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to fix words, which is myself wanting to etch words in stone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want words etched in stone as a protection and self defense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take words seriously, and or not take them seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger to words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react with indignation towards words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is one form for words, where in reality, words are like water, they change and reorder as in answer to the changing form of reality and perspective sharing of the physical world, as aspects of the physical world are brought forward to focus in a moment to build understanding of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the opposite of righteousness, which is an abdication of using words, as in believing myself to be incapable of using words,  which is myself allowing a belief of being wrongedness - as there is no other word that i can think of in the moment to describe the opposite of righteousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the opposite of righteousness, in and as believing myself to be worthless.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, at times, become neutral, as in becoming a silence of giving up, as in believing the point of being clear to be an impossibility, and within this to not see, realize and understand that I am in effect wanting a “ etched in stone” truth when such does not exist, as words are at the moment, an abstract of reality, forming a picture of the concrete, the actual real supportive physical world, and as such will change within what is focused on in the moment, and the awareness that is discovered as one becomes equal and one to and with, and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice in and as my mind, that is the words “ it is not my fault”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is not my fault.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel guilt and shame for not having respected words and directed them in ways that do no harm, for not having used words in ways that make clear instead of having used words in protection and self defense, here I pushed away a “ bad” as a judgement onto another instead of addressing the projected bad into a correction that brought insight and understanding of being equal and one with and as what is real as the physical world, and or, to have used words to focus all those around me onto a good based on an experience or object that I owned as in having lived the experience or owning the thing that is considered something that makes a person a “ more than” in society.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i must be punished for causing harm through not being self honest with and as being equal and one in consideration of physical reality being the value as the substance of life, where the pain in the realization that I hurt others, and as such hurt myself are one and the same, and as this, it is to realize that the pain is the separation, and thus the correction is to stand equal and one in common sense in thought word and deed with and as the physical, as what is real, and to walk the steps to become equal and one with and as life, for which the physical is the measure of and as, the gift of life, to become equal and one to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have used the wealth of the physical, as the resource of myself to be life, and the resource of my labor as the use of words , as “ la” is the note “a” and thus, “ a” Bore, and as such a lesser substance that bore no real witness to life, and as such became a burden as a cross reference in self interest instead of becoming a cross reference with the very focus of myself onto , equal and one with, the actual real physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ashamed of the rejection of life that was the expression of myself as the words I spoke, creating an entity of unworthiness hidden by righteousness, where I masked my own shame within a feeling/emotion of helplessness and sense as a belief that life is impossible, instead of standing equal and one with and as the physical, the wealth given as a gift to equalize myself to and as life, and using that which I used to separate myself into that which can as life common sense what is best for all here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that this is all very sad.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that others rejected or pushed me away, or attacked me, when others were doing the same as I  and as this to blame or spite another for what i have done, is not bringing myself in alignment and standing in patience, humility and careful stability within and as the practice of being oneness and equality with and as a common sense of what is best for all within the principle of equality, which is practical consideration of physical existence in ways that value all life and as such, actions that do no harm to any living thing.

When and as I find myself reacting to words, written and/or spoken, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that words are sound, that are a model of here, or a model of a belief, opinion and idea, a model of an entity that is unequal to and as a common sense of physical reality and as such to not react but to listen and , bring the words back to self, to walk a process of self correction where there is no reaction of righteousness, worthlessness, judgement in protection and self defense in fear of loss as separation within limitation as inequality to life, and as a belief that being here, is impossible as in not what is wanted, where this “ not what is wanted” is the paranormal as the mind inferior to life.

When and as I find myself reacting to words, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I look at the description of words in relation to what is real, as the physical world, as what directs within and as what is best for all the movement and expression of physical reality, as this physical reality is the form and thus composed of the expression and substance of life here, without which I cannot breath and be here, this the physical- is life, is the form and being of myself here, and as such the ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind must be cross referenced with the physical with every breath, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to another, to a situation, I stop and I breath, and i slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the limitation to here, as the words, to and towards understanding rejection of self direction and thus self honesty to here, to what directs self within and as what does no harm and as such what supports that which allows the expression of life in form and function as the physical, thus to direct my words to be clear and a direct image and likeness of what is actually real as the physical.

                       DIP Lite Self forgiveness, writing, and self corrective application. Bring the white noise of the mind back into practical physical reality to become equal and one to and as life as                  

                                           the physical.