What opinions have I allowed to incorporate me? Day 709

I remember when a boyfriend of mine said to me that I had to try Buddism if I wanted to remain with him. I decided to try it for three months.

What I noticed is that this religion, this opinion about reality had many benefits for members of the society. The place being New York City, there was a broad spectrum of people from many different levels and placements in society. 

I ended up playing with the orchestra. It started to take over my life. 

If I took what was good about this structure, I realized that it gave structure to so many. Yet, was this a structure that rewrote one’s script, one’s soul, one’s order, one’s hard-drive memory, was it what placed one in awareness of the real ‘ corp’ that is this physical world, this physical earth, this instrument, this orchestra of incorporated life?  Did this system incorporate all things, giving one self mastery of self in relation to all things, as this physical world that has withstood the test of time longer and with greater synchronicity than the systems of opinion imposed on and structured as systems in the world around us? No.  An opinion about something cannot be what is real. It is a story, that if chanted again and again and again can come to be believed to be a truth of self.  And, why THIS repeating chant? Why not repeat being present and here? Why not place one’s presence and awareness and will into being here, to incorporate real life? To place the real corpus as a real relationship, as the physical? To practice ‘ reading’ and communicating with what is real?

lol, Religion, cultural in-doctoring, Corporate media, they are all opinions, they are all bodies of opinionated form, that can become what is your story within, or my story within, yet not one of them is the real story, a story, a storied layering of what builds and sustains and is life, as the actual sound formation of and as the physical. These things for sale, accepted and allowed, that can take over your life, they are not life, even with inherent good as the very means used to story those who follow such opinions, because this is how we work, we can learn anything, we can understanding anything we set ourselves towards uniting with.  In one way, the means to follow is the means to become self empowered. It is simple and it is right in front of us.

It takes 10,000 hours to master something, it takes 21 days to incorporate a new skill. With the violin, I would incorporate a new skill, the first week was like mapping it out, the more care and presence I placed within this, without distractions ( the chatter in my mind about some unresolved event- a past-time of not being present or not integrating something clearly, or racing to integrate something without realizing the process of integration with enjoyment and patience)  the more fluid the integration. The second week was to ingrain this with movement, and the third week was to practice checking it, so that the checking of it became what was automated as presence. This means, that I got to the point where moving myself through the new ability to measure, of awareness or skill, of mastery of a point,  moved with precision and ‘ flash speed.’  I owned it! 

Is this not what the religion, the culture of our parents as the story of information absorbed in the first seven years, the corporation of the media - is this not what they are doing? Does this mean that the means to the end is right in front of us? And does this not mean that because humans use words, that the way and means of real communication is to KNOW YOUR WORDS to the extent that you can process the storied information to assess what does no harm to this physical reality, and does this not mean that you can by the very design of what and who you really are, mean that you can understand this physical real story all around you that is you?

Day 541 The MAZING mind.

I am dealing with a family that has problems with their children. I have talked with both parents and the child. Having watched so many children, specifically read, their body movements, the way their eyes move, where the very music of them stutters, I look at the child speaking with me, I ask some questions, just to get him to speak, so I can hear the words, see how he moves, like when I taught children violin. I had to watch to see if the form, as their bodies, was in alignment, balanced, and how they were moving as the blocks as the notes, because when one reads music, one see the patterns as blocks, and takes in the form of this. Playing the violin takes an awareness of many angles, and to get this to come out in balance as a child, takes some “ reconfiguring.” One has to know where things are not flowing, even within. With reading and speaking it really is no different.

I listen to this boy. I speak with his parents. I notice there is spoken agreement. But, when it comes time to organize, nothing.  It is like seeing a seed emerge and then no capacity to follow through. the whole scenario will be sabotaged with this action. But then, this is somehow understood because they had reached out and come to me.  The only thing is to call this out and walk the limitations in the way, direct through this, make it plain, and either the action is taken or not. I feel responsible for the steps that would lead to self responsibility. But the maze appears too much to me.

So, I find myself going into planning, emotional planning, to face what comes. I remember that everything was analyzed in my family, about every single action one made in various situations. Then the fault line was pointed out.  The verbal punishment ensued, the reprimand. I felt that i was trapped because the questions came at me, where i was caught in answering but never allowed to ask the questions.  Perhaps, as I became older, I then started to ask more questions, or bring up more variables, as is natural, but then used this, when successes had been made, as a way and a means of deflecting the whole situation so as to pre-empt where I for saw within the event the fault line. So, I got caught up in a game of avoidance tactics, smoke and mirrors, using my sense of space and time to  build my own castle walls. This is like consuming an ability in very narrow and limited ways, instead of using this to actually see the totality of what is here that would bring one to act in such “ mazing” ways ( yes, why do we just use the word amazing and not the word “ mazing” When in effect this is what really happens. )

This brings me back to the boy and his parents within whom I am interacting at the moment.

I am dealing with the “mazing” that is the same as what i have done, even though the specifics are perhaps of slightly different measure. But, somehow, there is awareness of this “ mazing” effect, this self sabotage.  We are not seeing that, just as with learning to play the violin, we create what we are within, and we are responsible for what we create within, and what we create within becomes our tool of measure in reaction the the world. What each must realize is that every one of us is doing this, were we not, were the balance of each human more on the side of consideration and respect for this world, then our system would be more a system of care for this life, and since it is not, the majority of us, that have jobs and a roof over our heads, are more than likely a mazing of  avoidance in being honest and as such, enjoying, really enjoying, being here, interacting with this reality. Instead we are caught up in our own heaven and hell fantasy in and as our minds, we are not being direct and equal to reality, realizing our mis-takes, as only this, as a process of learning to become life,  we are hiding, using that which enables us to respond and measure the outside world, and building an inner maze that has forgotten to enjoy what we are in essence doing as beings on earth, which is to learn, to enjoy, becoming functioning beingness with this world.

I find, within this realization, that my back is screaming. Like standing and being clear, will end up causing reactions, but I would want someone to be patient with me if I had become this, I would want that non-reaction as ego if I were in the other’s shoes. I would want the slow and careful patience which was given to me at times in my life that allowed me the space, that even showed me the space to see my own movements, my own measures, to realize them and then add more awareness to my own mazing actions so that I could begin to move with ease, which is to move with humility, humbleness, patience, and self honesty and actually begin to enjoy being here because it is here that I am life.

Stop and Look at your own mind constructions, built over time, where the forest is no longer seen through the trees. To begin the journey is free. DIPLite. And free Eqafe.com Interviews. Become the patience you would want for yourself.

Day 479 Watching Autism in My World. What is Mind Consciousness?

I sat with an autistic boy this week and worked with him. I had to sit very close to him, and because I have had some experience with Autism, that being physically close to the child can be disturbing to the autistic child, I stopped for a moment and said to the autistic child, that I would probably touch them to 1. remind them to sit up straight and 2. because I was in such close proximity to them. They immediately said that I could not touch them. So, I said, okay, how about this, on a scale from one to ten, and I asked for their hand, which they did not give, so I went on, and showed them with my own hands gaging what I wanted to show, is it okay if I touch you with a “ two intensity.” Immediately, before I even finished what I was saying, their hand was right there  on mine, a very directive action, and they showed me the intensity with which I could “ touch” them, because I was sitting very close and working with them. That touch was so directed, so steady, so clear. As I worked with this person, I noticed that if my shoulder brushed theirs, for example, they would immediately reach up and touch themselves where this happened. And I realized I was being overly careful and hesitant. I did not have that very direct “ touch” as physical connection in a moment when working with someone in close proximity that that person showed me. It is hard to explain how “ here” that touch was, but it was not hesitant in any way. And yet within this, what I realized within this one movement, so directed, that this autistic person had the ability to connect in common sense with this physical world, despite the constant voice of positive reinforcement statements coming out in a timed and conssitent manner, which is probably what this boy had heard all his life, to ostensively “ keep them going,” like giving a “ positive” as a directive instead of a direction that was bringing connection to common sense here within building something within this anxious person that was directive, equal to awareness and understanding of physical reality.

I say this, because within working with this boy, I remember watching my twin sister’s autistic son, my nephew, grow from infancy into a preteen.

I remember having the impression, that the behavior of my nephew was a display of all the anxiety of my sister, and my parents in many ways. It was like seeing the physical twitches and emotional duress of my parents and sister compounded. I also remember not saying anything because to look this way is considered “ unpositive” “ impolite” like drawing attention to what is “ bad” is not allowed. I mean we all do this, we romanticize the movements of ourselves and make them huge, to push away the “ bad” the constriction, the frustrated expression, instead of looking at the movement of what is happening in detail, which is right there in front of us. I mean, I was seeing the unconscious fears as judgements being exhibited by my nephew and somehow realizing what was happening and I was my own limitation based on beliefs of what is socially acceptable to be expressed. And I remember feeling trapped, within this, like I could not say what I wanted to say, because I had not learned to stand stable within what I was seeing, I had allowed the separation, as mind to be the only conduit of communication, and I could not find a way to fit what I sensed. In effect, I was the same as that autistic child, only but a different configuration ( and I am not saying that I understood all the details at the time, as having the structure immediately at hand to explain myself into an explanation with my sister). I remember standing there staring at this compounded neurosis of my family, and thinking this was of consequence and not a “ disease” so to speak as an idea. In any event, working with this boy brought all of this back.

And even here, the years I watched this in my nephew, were the years directly after the death of my husband, a time where I was what I considered numb for about five years, which research shows that “ tragedy” can have an impact for five years or so. So, here I was, numb, and sometimes even saying to myself and asking others, “ I have a problem, I am indifferent to so much of what is going on.” And I think that it was in this state that such things as looking at my nephew from a “ daze” of indifference, of having nothing defining me because I had lost what was defining me, that I had moments of just accepting what was here, as the total of what has been accepted and allowed by men as mind, as limited values made bigger than life, and as such turned into a reality that is metaphysical, superstitious, imposed on what is real, which is physical reality. And, even here, there was a move to “ care” and resolve this.  I could not accept what was here, and within this I could not exactly explain what was here, and I had to find out, what was going on, and so I found desteni. It is like they are explaining what I sensed, in my state of indifference. And even here, it took me some time, and is a continual process, of not allowing this experience to become an idea, a directive, a self definition. What needs be done in the end, is correct the separation, bring it back to equality as equal movement with physical reality, as in including physical reality as being as much life as the human, all of it. It is to be a direct movement with the physical, here.

Within this, to realize that an autistic child, underneath all the chaos of compounded generational separation into idea before life - which is movement equal and one in consideration with physical existence, is life. The life as the natural expression of the child  is there, the mind as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind, is not equal to physical reality, and yet because that child exists, and as such is the substance of life, that child can be walked back into alignment with common sense. it is there, underneath the spinning information, manifest as nervous ticks and programmed words of what is essentially hope on the part of the parents as statements of “ positive reinforcement” as “ I am an ace” or similar,  which in total, is the informing as an idea of good, without any practical application as giving structure to the child to enable them to direct in common sense, here. This action is in the realm of doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different outcome. A snake eating its own tale/tail.

And, because all those impulsed ideas of good are reverberating with as the mind of the child, as the program as sound as the parents hoping, to change this is going to take patience, and yet this can be done.

When learning something new, and I have done this many times in teaching children to play the violin, and as myself, one has to slow down and practice focusing here, looking past the voices in the head, and see directly here, each movement in detail. To start this, there is a lot of resistance naturally, because one is going against a constructed belief system as mind in a busy world where parents do not have the time to slow down, because they were born into the same situation that had a starting point of not being equal in understanding of physical reality in detail. So, slowing down will be met with resistance. Yet, this simply need be walked, and slowly built, and once moving, will begin to exponentially move forward. Remember learning something, even a new language, the beginning is really slow, almost painful, and then as the words accumulate one starts to move faster, and then after a while if one keeps going, it is easier to remember more words, and eventually the language is learned, and it begins to be fun to speak. Thus, changing oneself, one step at a time is possible, and because this change is possible, this means we as humans are very mutable, and with structure we can change, we need only walk past the resistance as what is the construct we have accepted as mind.

Our autistic children are really a gift in many ways, because they are showing us the degree of separation from ourselves as being life, as being the very substance and source of creation as life, that is able to form in equality to and with physical existence, to include all life here. That, changing our state as a constitution as mind, simply means walking/moving in equalizing ourselves in common sense to reality, realizing that slowing down will be met with resistance but with persistence redirection, in this case to become equal in understanding, can be done. What may seem like a mountain, is not a mountain, what may seem painful is simply resistance - and this is but a thin veil as standing before a movement and bringing it back into a self directed stability with the physical world, which means accepting and including all life.

So, humans have structure through sound, through words. If our children have a broad vocabulary, that has absolute values, without emotional/feeling values as a fear of loss as a threat as an idea as a gloom and doom “ what if” or a positive idea as a “ good” being used to substantiate a child, then the child becomes this idea instead of being equal in detailed movement with what is physically real, as we cannot live without physical needs and we cannot direct ourselves unless we are equal to understanding the actual physical world, because we are physical beings. Thus, a child not having words that are many and of clear meaning, the ability of the child to direct is limited and stagnant. And with ideas of good and bad, the child falls into this instead of equal connection to what is real in total, meaning what includes all that is here, all that exists.

Within this, as parents are so busy with an ideological world, a hierarchy, and trying to survive within this, and overwhelmed with a dialogue as ideas, as good and bad, taking the time to realize this consequence of separation is very difficult, as this slowing down is met with resistance emotionally. So, the parent can use technology, that which we have externalized as our innate abilities, to aid in building structure within the child, to still the limitations of good and bad, into and as equal understanding and thus self directive capacity to moving with and equal to what is us as the venue of physical existence which is what allows us expression as life. I am sure that many parents of autistic children, realize the life that is the unique expression of their child, and somehow, the disconnect of that being expressed is frustrating, but it can be done and it is only a process of taking the steps to structure the child into having the words with absolute values to stabilize within a common sense as a direct seeing of physical reality. And, that this is not as difficult as one may believe. If a process exists, it can be walked.

Just as learning to play the violin is taking the measure of becoming equal physically to it and how it functions, without judgement of good and bad, so too can a child, an adult, become equal and one in thought, word and deed, as the words we know without added values, but absolute values, can we, and our children equalize in common sense of what is around us, as the physical, as this is what is right in front of us, as life, and as this, this is what is real. Then can we, as that autistic child become a direction of absolute purpose with every breath, instead of tiny moments of some measure of clear communication buried in a sea of behaviors that are instead a measure as idea of good or bad.

Day 474 The chaos of inequality: An inchoate Life. STOP.

I think it was about 2000, the spring of 2000. I noticed that every leaf on a tree was moving with absolute purpose. every leaf, every inch of every leaf, absolute purpose, absolute focus. So directed. Sensing every leaf on that tree definitely boggled my mind. The moment before this happened, I had decided that I had to give everything up, everything. At that moment it was as though everything left me, all that I used to define myself. And then what came was the realization that nothing I thought mattered, mattered. 

Looking back at my life, I realized that I had done this before, and always there was a point of a certain measure of clarity. The first time I remember this happening, shortly there after the first vortex like tunnel appeared. What I saw was myself at the other end of the tunnel, I was in winter, and on the other side was summer, and I was the grown woman in the summer land. I was twelve and in the summer land I was in my early twenties attending the college on which ground I stood. Of course, I had to live to that age and beyond, to when it happened again to begin to realize what was happening.

Focus, here. What is this for real? What does it mean to focus here absolutely? How, inwardly does one focus here? Does television impart the development of focus here? No. It grabs the focus of us. It can make parts of reality bigger, brighter than other parts, it can show only parts of and even edit out what is not wanted to be focused upon. Is the motivation behind this one of self interested profit? Thus, is this everywhere, a legerdemain, to take one’s eyes off the land. Dis-traction from that which is real, because then in a moment one might notice that all the leaves on a tree move in absolute purpose. And then the television will no longer have any real value. The land becomes the value, the earth becomes more real than any box of colored / divided lights.

My chest is in a knot. I could not move it. I felt very weak. I had to go into it, to find what was weighing me down.  At the same time that it feels like it has pressure on it, it feels like it wants to explode. And it is not my heart, I can’t pin point it yet. I had to get it to move - so to speak. I had to be able to focus on it for an extended period of time, to catch some movement, some way to move it. There was a moment of the slightest movement. It was fluid, a tiny movement that I felt was being absolutely forgiving. makes sense as this is movement, the only kind, movement happens in no other way, just as the leaves on the tree. There is no other way to move, otherwise it is destructive.

How is this same action manifest without, and within this, an accumulation of this over time?

Our American Congress can’t solve the problems of growing poverty and decay in America because they are not being absolutely forgiving, within the purpose of the constitution, which is to do what is for the common good, as this is the only choice. Our representatives can’t figure out a way to do what is for the good of the land and maintain their “ more than” profits because the only solution is equality. We have to give up usury. It is that simple.

So, I had a knot in my back, I had to go into this to realize the movement of myself within that I had accepted and allowed, name it and direct it. I wrote it out and scripted directives as words as structures to direct myself within focusing myself away from a bad habit as a belief into what moved. 

Now I have to do this again. 

Playing the violin is cool, because it demands focus, here. Focus through social politics, through inner emotional states, one has to learn to let things go and focus, here. It means standing within an absolute purpose of what is forgiving in a physical world that exists because each part makes it possible. Thus, usury is not an equation of life because usury uses limitation of some for the gain of others and justifies this within touting what is the exception as being a more than in comparison to the limitations such actions create.  A snake eating its own tale/tail. Ironically, in the end neither wins. The only win-win is equality, it is through balance as the physical world in full function that life can begin. The real story is the physical, not the layered self definitions as values in a limited story competing for self definition creating the self aggrandizement that is the act that separates into the chaos of inequality.

This morning I thought someone had arrived at my house, and immediately there was like an electrical branding on my chest, the picture was like one of those new bar codes, like a Mayan image of pixillated squares aligned in a pattern, and with this an entity presence as the story given as told by this person, a compound image perceived through my own cultural bias lens. Its story was of the good, the values, as having some significance, the limitations not expressed and this because common sense is not taught, only fairy tales that bear no witness to the actual real physical landscape on whose ground our feet walk as physical beings. We, us humans, are in separation from what is real, from the physical world, we are in separation from life.

When this fear ripped through me, I realized it was as though I was a child again, fearing to face what registered in my mind as an idea, that facing the adults in my world was like facing monsters. I am trying to face the emotional values, the feeling values as the conscious mind projecting the good to self validate, and ignoring the consequences of the effects of accepting this lesser god on what is real, which is the physical world, the very substance of life.

I was allowing the story, the projections of good, running from common sense, to be a burden I do not want to face. I have to remind myself that I was a child as all of this was informed as how a human directs to become a part of a social network made bigger than the physical network as the land that is what is real. Actually, the social network of ideological values is limited, though once intrenched in this, one stands in a forest of artific-ial electric screens that exist only in constant broadcast, the real forest working away underneath - the life of which is slowly diminishing as a consequence and we need only read the news to realize that this is happening, and here, I must say that the artifice -ial value system is slowly but surely consuming the gift of life as the physical.

I notice a fear within me, a sense of being unworthy, the shame there somewhere, a condition of politeness in not upsetting the status quo of limitation as a social network of men endlessly telling their stories of gain within what is in total a limited system.

And the thing is, is that we all know we are doing this. Just as I had the thought that I do not want to face this, so too do others. The simplified images spinning around in our minds are  so because as our separation compounds, memory is saved in a simpler image, the values accumulated that seem to justify the separation. As we can see, laws are being passed that make no sense of reality. They ignore what is abusive and accept what satisfies and justifies what is a form of spiritual usury, where each point on a grid as a social network in total is in separation from reality believes its ideological self to be real, despite the harm of this inner constitution of ignorance - is our Congress the outward manifestation of the inner state?

I mean, adults having sex with children who are physically not equal in size is abusive to children as physical beings.

People putting solar panels on their homes are not welfare babies. If they are then so are the elite, so are all of us. This is in effect believing the usurious system is what is real when the physical is what is real, and the physical world should function without any harm to anything physical on the ground at every point. 

If we pump chemicals into the ground we will pollute the ground water, saying there is no scientific proof in a system that hides data and ignores/disallows physical on the ground studies or labels them as " anecdotal" and at the same time inhibits the economic means to sustain ourselves physically and face those who have endless financial means, then the picture show on the media controls will just become an endless spin of justification, with no counteraction available, which means  that the collective of men must stand together to end this because the humans on the ground working together is the power, has more movement capacity that any picture on a screen.

Investigate this.

I have to tell myself this same thing within, that the emotional feelings values as the projection of idea has no real strength, and walking the separations, not accepting them as in hiding from them,  or fearing them, or reacting to them in anger is going to equalize them to what is real, to what is substantive. The dirt is the mind consciousness system, the dirt is the valley of the shadow of good and evil as death, the dirt is judgement, the dirt is the mind, and life is the soil, the earth and the substance which builds this as the sound of life, the movement of absolute purpose as a focus that does no harm that gives as one would like to receive, as that which respects all life, the physical world. 

We don't need modern art galleries, we all have one in our heads, just stop and breath and have a look.

It is the compound of your self, built of ideas that are judgements as belief, being used to direct and as such are yourself out of focus, a dis- traction from physical reality, the gift of life, here.

Day 382 Paranoia of the unknown; Lack of common sense

The mind separates through limited value directive, ignorance of being here equal and one with the physical.  With playing the violin one must be aware of all the mechanics, the tensions of the sting, the space of self as the arm, the legs the body, all balanced no tension, and the nature of the instrument, the volume of sound moving through the wooden “ box” of the instrument and how the physical of self is, meaning relaxing the muscles, as there is no ability to sustain the lifting of one’s arms for three hour rehearsals without getting tired. THe back has to be straight and balanced to the point where it feels suspended, meaning no weight anywhere. Then movement is there and one does not get tired. The connections between the bow and the fingers must be tight, but not forced more sensed. This, when done is a kind of absolute focus. And even here , this cannot become automatic, or things start to get sloppy, and then one wonders what happened, when there was a separation within being directive. Even here, this can expand into the others players, realizing that one is moving with all the other players, and when the other players are there the whole thing becomes an intimacy, where all are moving together, and then the real “ magic” begins. It is just simple, being here - as much as this was accomplished within the context. Now imagine this world being this? If we were all here, moving in awareness of the physical, no judgement, equal and one with this earth, sensing the space as the physical world, communicating and living with and as it, equal and one. To have this, this world must get in order, must be cared for, realized for the value that it is. This means taking care and being here, muscles relaxed and directed, fed and at their optimum, where we each and everyone are directive, balanced, living, in the present. Until we have created this on earth, we are not living, none of us. Having this in little bubbles or pockets here and there is not enough, it must be all of earth, every inch.  This might seem like having the special effects of life, using movie terms,  be real, be here, be communicated, actual real living of the  special effect of life, in every breath, here. If one became life, there would be no death, and transformation would be living. Yet, this cannot be  until the instrument, as earth, is polished/whole/”oiled”/repaired/valued/self directive. Each part must be self directive as all as one as equal. The “ central” “ dictate” must be each part as itself, self directed, here. Thus a structure of centralized dictate will not work, each part of the form of the physical must be directive within equal understanding that the value is life as the very essence of each part, directing within awareness of and as this. This is why a centralized regime, as what has existed within different names touted as something other, cannot work, This action is usurping reality; separate from reality as the physical.  Interesting, usury is usurpation of reality, a separating device allowing a judgement of more than to be fed; separation from reality. And we are all to blame as we have accepted the judgement of more than and less than, instead of being respectful of the life that surrounds us and is us. We are so busy fearing for our survival that we seek ways to release that fear, instead of learning to direct ourselves here. And in the frenzy an order in separation from life has become the system on earth, as the few pull the rug out from under our feet, as they are in fear too.  If we want a directive to begin to see what we have done, this earth must be brought equal to the order of life as the physical, respecting and caring for this earth, every inch, and then can we begin to walk the journey to life, the gift given that we have been denying ourselves. What we have denied has become the unknown, so consumed by the fear of survival which is the reaction of rejecting the life around us, and the only way out of this fear, is to turn and face the storm of our separation, manifest within as emotions, thoughts and feelings of judgement inherent within the  social structures of class and gender, race and nationality, which we learn from media and family placement within the divisions, we learn borders from life, the parts of life made huge and thus separating from equality of all value as the actual physical world being equal, of equal voice, of equal sound.

Thus this life is unknown, and the fear is the undoing of each of us from what is real as the physical.  If you believe that man is more than life, than this earth, just try and stop breathing, you will get no where. Thus, to believe that something can be patented, is to say that something discovered is owned by a few, but it cannot be owned because it has been here supporting us, it is only an idea that when something is discovered it is owned but this is a red flag that has a truth, because we are made aware of something does not mean ownership physically, and the ones that have discovered have done so at the expense of everyone and everything of this physical world that is the support of that thing having the ability to discover, so no one has done something on their own, they were within their place because of the physical world and all the support of men from generations back.. Only ego believes itself to be a more than as mind, in a bubble as thought in separation from physical reality. This is why a lack of support for all the physical world is a crime, a treason of life, as it is ignorance of reality.  It is a limitation of ignorance and thus a state of being that is within a paranoise creating a unknown, a veil of judgement in becoming bigger than life, a distance from reality, an energetic storm. A halo of separation, a monster consuming the flesh, as nature cleans up what is separate and thus destructive of it.  If one is busy throwing a tantrum then one cannot be directive here.

SO, we must stop within and look at what we are being in detail. Look at ourselves with every breath to see what we are in fact being, to know what we are within every movement , sense ourselves here with ourselves as life, as the very substance of what we are composed of, this which is able to realize the space of here. To slow ourselves down and become aware of ourselves, discover the being of ourselves in separation as our thoughts, emotions and feelings that have become what is real when these are ourselves in separation from life. And how these thoughts of judgement, have created the system without that we are now bound to unless we stand and remove the structure of division that we have built in the likeness of our separation, to allow us to clean up the the paranoise of fear and stand equal and one to and with the physical world. At the moment we are standing as separation as mind, as judgement as fear of an unknown we have created and accepted and allowed as it is the ignorance of life, the life that supports and surrounds us, our separation from what is real, here the physical, our common sense of this actual physical world. It is through a common sense of the physical that we become equal and one to and as life. A common sense of the physical means understanding the physical and working with it, absolutely. And each point of the life that is here that is equal in form, works together to realize what is best for all, how life functions within and as what is best, what is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the value judgements I have learned as class, gender and nationality are not good or bad, have become all that i am and in trying to maintain what i am I have ignored awareness in common sense of this actual physical world and thus separated myself from here, from my own common sense of life and thus have separated myself into limitations that I then fear losing as this is the limitation I have accepted and allowed, which is being inferior to life, and blaming the world around me as I believe myself to be superior when I am in separation from my own common sense in and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in the paranoise of judgement in and as the divisive thoughts of value judgement in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the value judgements that are the voices in and as my mind are myself maintaining a grid of separation, denying myself the qualities of myself as life, believing them to be separate from myself, and thus spiting others that have qualities that I believe I lack and attending to others that support the limited qualities that I believe that I am, when this is myself existing within limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the mind functions, as the voice of my separation, as the values taught that in totality are a limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my emotions and feelings are a compression, a obsession with my thoughts that have continued for so long as my survival suit that I am not even aware that my emotions and feelings are simply the accumulation of my thought, my own self accepted and allowed debt of what I allowed as my separation from life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  how my separations from life, as emotions and feelings are of energy, that need constant validation, and that this self validating action is an energetic storm that needs constant attention and thus within this process of separation I have created a personification that consumes my flesh as this being of myself is not equal and one to and with my own common sense of the physical, and thus as I age I lose a sense of here, as this is the measure of my separation from the physical world, from life, from what is real, from what gives me life, what allows me to breath, without which I cannot exist and be life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my behaviors of spite and blame, of self abdication of life as what this is, where in the process of being spite and blame I am protecting and defending my own limitations and self directive capacity as what I am able and capable of using common sense with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing up and speaking up about how the mind and our emotions feelings and thoughts function, and that the separations we have accepted and allowed have accumulated resonantly within to the point where the words we speak are burdened with out separations and the words of others and ourselves trigger within that which we have not equalized clearly in common sense with the actual functioning of this physical world, and thus we stew in our own separations, living reactions in fear, instead of common sense here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when i blame and am spiteful, I am existing as mind in separation, and that this is fear, as is the nature of separation from here, and here it is for myself to slow down and to breath, and to see, realize and understand that this fear is a thin veil of illusion that need only be realized and walked with in common sense within directing within and as what is best for all, as what i would give because this is what I would want for myself, thus it is to give what one would want to receive in every breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I would not want my children to work like slaves sewing shirts that I pay nothing for, and then existing within a belief that I got a “ deal” and only seeing this, and feeling good about this, as I ignored that shirt was sewed by children and young adults that had no chance of education and development and who suffered horrific living conditions, that this is no way for life on this earth, that there is absolutely no justification for such an existence of the substance of life on this earth, and that it is my responsibility to realize how this has come to be life here and to stand as the change that would never allow such to exist on this earth again, and within this it is to realize that those who treasonously take the fruits as money of the labor of the many hands and generations of men, to live lives of material excessiveness, are living lives of separation as dissipation from equality and oneness in common sense of life here, what varies by degree is the illusion of time as one appears to have more time and another less time, but this is all a separation from equality and oneness in and as and with life here, where life is not reached as the accepted and allowed separations have become greater as consciousness than equality and oneness to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that i exist within an infinite design of separation from life, where I exist within judgement of more than and less than, moving from a more than to a less than as mind where i must slow myself down and see the infinite design of my own separation by standing outside of the polarities of my mind and using my common sense of here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my double speak as mind as being an either or, where the only solution is to choose what is best for all in consideration of life, in consideration of this actual physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this huge presence of fear as a seemingly ominous presence that is an illusion and to stand through this and realize it as the illusion that it is which I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my common sense and to see, realize and understand that there is no one hand that feeds us, and there is no one man who discovers how ignorant we as humans have in fact been when something supposedly “ new” is no longer an “ UNknown”  and that within this no one person, no one corporation, no one president is more than another being on this earth, as in all ways we are custodians of this earth, and as this it is only our ignorance as consciousness that has not “known” what was always right here, which is life, and that being lost in some self aggrandizing idea that because some administrator on one level of what is the same on every level, which is simple organization,  that they are somehow more,  leading to a delusion and behavior of total separation from life as “ kiss the hand that feeds you” is in fact the limitation that each of us has accepted and allowed and created as consciousness that is the culmination of ego as wanting to be some kind of super hero god, all in total ignorance of what is the value which is life, where there is no one hand, no central office of administration, as what is here directs in common sense as life, as what nature is, unless our delusional consciousness as our separation becomes so much of a paranoise of limited dimension/context only, that it begins to infiltrate the physical world and create like minded behaviors of destruction and disregard as reactions in fear of losing some idea of being a more than, which is a disrespect of the physical world which is the very substance of life that enables life, thus it is time to remove the delusional representative system of self aggrandizing  behaviors of separation from life as consciousness and create a system that supports all life as the value, realizing there is no life until all the physical world is cared for and clean, that all humans are educated and that the humans are not something to suppress in fear of competition, as this is suppression of life and thus treasonous to life on earth,  where a system of direct democracy will be the very method of prevention that allows each human to become educated within understanding what is best for all as what each is capable because each is life or they would not exist.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in essence what we all want as life is to give as we would like to receive and thus, this means to walk the voices of separation as judgement in and as our minds, back into equality and oneness as life, to follow through with what is best for all as this is best for self, where we all want to be able to take care of our families and this earth, to have a home for shelter and to be able to develop ourselves in awareness as our physical bodies, and to be able to give our children and out pets, the animals, the plants what is needed to thrive as life here, as we all know that the superficial roles and material possessions offered by consumerism, though not all bad, do not in fact life make, do not infact develop us within our full capacity, and thus it is to realize that it is only ourselves that can direct ourselves physically and to do this certain opportunities must exist in order for development, which is why it is denied by those that have, as they fear the competition, not realizing in their inferiority to life, that the only choice is to do what is best for all, where collateral damage does not exist, as collateral damage means that all things have not been considered and respected as a part of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am in judgement I have not considered all things, and thus my reaction is of self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how my mind in fact functions to show me where I am in separation from and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which I long for is that which I reject in and as a belief that I am inferior, where it is only a part of myself that I have separated from myself here as life, as what is here is the same as me as life.

Check out:

Creation's Journey to Life

Economists Journey to Life

Equal Money

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Destonians

Equal Life Face Book page

Eqafe.com Self Perfection

Day 282 Stereotypes are the story of Predictive Programming

When I practice and I am having a problem not producing a sound that is “tight” - so to speak- I have to slow down and feel the space, every bit of it. Sometimes this feels like I can’t do this. Which does not make any sense. And just as the words I wrote suggest, it is me not allowing any sense. I am skimming the surface and not being common sense here.
What would cause such a behavior within myself? A desire? An idea of outcome before practice? A dream of a polished performance before having walked the common sense of the string and the bow? Like I am rushing to a vision instead of simply being here, equal and one, calm, sensing what I am doing in absolute detail?
I was working with this child who was having problems with reading. He would look at a word and under his breath, in a whisper say the word. And then he would speak something aloud completely different. I got to the point where I looked at him and said , “ you say the word under your breath and then you speak something else.” So, I had him breath, become calm, and listen to what he had said under his breath, to even remember what he had said under his breath. It took some patience, because he would have to spend a moment looking back, and then he would say the word. He got better at this. Most of this was simply calming down, becoming quiet. Where was he “rushing off to”?
One time, there was a friend on a computer in the next room, and, as this child said to me, “ He is playing my favorite game.” I thought “ great” we are really going to get something done today. How am I going to keep him here, if in the next room is a temptation he wants to “rush off to.”
The point is that the child was sensing the space and then somehow “jumped” into something else and came up with something other than what is here than what he registered that was equal to what was on the page. And, that he could be brought back to what he had registered through slowing down and being aware of himself indicated awareness not developed.
It is not different within practicing the violin. It is simply a matter of being here in common sense with what is here, the space of what is here.
Wow, this just brought up these dreams I was having just before my husband died. A whole slew of them. I was chasing him, my husband, trying to catch him - so t speak- and I can’t remember why. Do I need to follow my own advice and slow down? They flashed by so fast! It was this sense of chasing something, running and looking for something, and as with this child, the answer is known, right here, to slow down and be common sense of here. It is like we are this and then we move away from this, chasing something.

What if we look at this present system? Does it not promote chasing things? Is it not a program of “ Look at me!” ? Why do we allow all this media that promotes things for us to want?
Is it to keep us away from our own common sense, just as this child who could see the words and speak them under his breath, and then in a normal “ out loud” voice, his “presentation voice” say something completely different?
Is this action from common sense translated into something different like sleep walking in a dream? Is what is spoken the wash of a dream? A fear, an alternate idea as mind, a film of fear? Obviously, there was a form of separation going on here. The process of which was happening right in front of me, is happening right in front of me, with the child and with playing the violin when I am having a hard time “getting” something I am trying to learn, and slowing my self down so i can “ speed myself up” within moving here, being here, communicating here.
It is only when I am wanting, or following a desire in and as an idea that I would be in separation from here, in lack of common sense , here.
Obviously, if money were the means of getting the resources of earth, the products of earth in order to survive, this is creating a system of chasing to get what is needed to survive. And, as I have shown above, we are all chasing, and following ideas of what it means to get money, as what is presented by the media, learned by generations of people, then we are born into a world that teaches us to chase, as this would be a way to control the very common sense of each human, to divert attention away from being here, from using what the human is as life, the very focus of life, away from actually looking and responding and moving with, what is actually, physically here, to blind seeing what is real. I mean, this is criminal, and destructive. It is like taking common sense and diverting it in self interest. So, the few who have control of this are actually in separation from life themselves or this would not be done. Wanting a supposed “them” to change and demanding it, is not going to work. All that can be done is to slow down and be here, in common sense of here. Ironically, it seems like stepping back, but it is not, it is stepping forward into and as life.


Within this, getting frustrated with a child or myself when not moving with what is here, is reacting to the action of separation, which cannot direct back to here. The thing of separation, the emotional/feeling, thought as a distraction taught/accepted and allowed that is a judgement of some experience being a more than, is removing oneself from here. And the starting of this begins in childhood, through being told what to look for ( easter egg hunts- keep the eye locked onto the symbol) and avoiding what is mis-understood. Is the separation one and equal to the fear? The limited values taught are qualities made huge, distorting reality, selective, the predicate of ( to affirm, state, assert something about a subject in a sentence) how to focus, negating what is physically real. This already denying actual self discovery with the tools as the human physical body being able to see what is here. Remember, children are able to learn, and they have no religion, no language, thus what is being accepted and allowed on earth are many varying systems of belief as to what is more than and less than, and none of them have considered the physical as what is real, as equal and one, of the same substance, as life in everything here, despite the fact that practices that work with the earth and the forms of what is here existing as that form functions is symbiotic with earth, maintaining a working system. What is being allowed, in the name of profit is not working.
We have taken all these qualities of life, divided them into cultural role plays, even within each culture, qualities are divided between the sexes, to the point where we make jokes about stereotypes, which means its all predictable, and thus there is no fluid movement in and as life here. It takes all of the qualities as self as life, to move as life here, to be here. This is the gift of life. This is common sense. Thus, all the qualities are not necessarily good or bad, they are simply caged through division, and we have accepted and allowed ourselves to run after the cage, instead of being here, fluid with and as life, a life of non -divisive characters.
What judgements does this child have as separations resonant within that distort what is initially read? What fears as what un-clarified events brought ambiguity - more than one interpretation, meaning the creation of a ‘double meaning” which in essence is a lack of common sense, a separation into selective value directives that are a run from separation/fear? What is creating the constriction within physically ( as this child has a problem with constipation), and the expression of this in the words “ I can’t” as they slump in a chair?
I think of the teenage girls I met in New York, wanting to become models, watching the transformation from a certain individuality into the image and likeness of what a “model” is, something being lost, to become a stereotypical image, flat, limited, behaviors of stereo - type, the broadcast and blueprint voiced in cultural jokes of predictive behavior.
This is a human creation, that can be stopped, through realizing what has been allowed in separating ourselves from the value being life. Such transgressions from life are alive, as thoughts, emotions,and feelings, the judgements as the voice of the selected values masking the separation/fear from self as life, that which is, in common sense, able to be here, and thus direct as life, here, able to see, here, to exist one and equal to and as life, here.
To stop the behavior of running away from ambiguity that is one and the same as chasing one’s own cage of stereo-type, is to stop a system of division into more than and less than as what is the system that provides the needs for a life in dignity, this means taking what is here as the resource to support the profit being life, and to move this on this earth in such a way that all life is cared for, all life is supported equally, to get this world in order and functioning, meaning flourishing, all of it, not just some parts, all of it, every inch of it. Within this, the only choice is to be this, which means to give as one would like to receive, to do what is best for all, to take what supports life and to practice this. Stability, sustainability, security is in equality. This is common sense.

Walk the Desteni I Process Pro and/or Desteni Lite to bring the divisions of self back into equality and oneness with self as life in common sense in and as life here.

Stand and support a system of equality, as Equal Money Capitalism, to get this world existing in dignity, every inch of it.

Day 266 Fear of speaking Thought dimension

I notice when I practice that I have a presence of someone watching me, my father or a “master teacher.” It is like I am waiting for the criticism and trying to gage this before it comes, looking for praise. So much so that I am not really focusing on what I am doing. I am paying attention to what another is thinking about me and what I am doing. This seems so huge and daunting. I have been doing this for a long time. Reminds me of being little and wondering where my father was in the house. Always this awareness. And the fear is unnecessary, as I have faced the criticism and lived through this, and even stood up for myself, and learned somewhat to direct myself despite this. What would happen is this presence of fear of criticism were brought back to myself , as myself directing myself? I can see where I cannot speak within this, my focus is not on speaking, not on myself, as being myself. My judgement is based on the response of another. I can sense this fear of letting this go, as though this is a protection I don’t want to give up. There is also a positive polarity attached to this, where I accept this as being okay because I will receive praise when I do well according to the judgement of another. This is placing a positive value onto/over a starting point of fear, a disconnect from myself as life, in self honest self direction as life. This then is a loss of common sense as myself directing myself absolutely being aware of myself equal and one to what is physically here, the only place I can direct myself. I can only deal with a “criticism” when it is given, and when it is given, I can then assess the common sense of it and direct myself, within what is best for all, within awareness of how the physical interaction as myself in common sense works, so expectation of criticism, sometimes masked as wanting praise, is pointless. This must stop within myself as I move, as the physical is here, and all I can do in common sense is look and begin to understand it.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that being an expectation of criticism is a separation from common sense, as being in expectation is a state of separation from myself here being equal and one to and as what I am as a physical human being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as a projection of expectation, believing that I must protect myself having judged myself as “going to be criticized”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear criticism, to within this see, realize and understand that the physical moves in understandable ways, and thus what I can do is, in common sense, move with and equal to what is physically here, and direct myself here, even in the face of criticism.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a parent has expectations of a child that are themselves demands lacking an awareness of being one and equal to and as the physical and how this functions having not been raised to understand, and be equal to themselves as the physical and are themselves in fear, being separate from common sense of the physical and thus, have expectations without understanding the necessary steps to and towards self development in specificity that is patient and guiding, and thus make demands that they themselves have no practical awareness of.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in trying to meet demands that are not specific, confusion sets in, much like an animalbeing trained to perform, where the trainer forces the animal having no understanding of the physical, no communication in common sense of the physical, no intimacy equal and one to the actual physical in detail, and thus, as mind only, has a picture, as an idea of an outcome, and expects this outcome - that lacks common sense- to immediately manifest, placing stress and fear on the pupil/subject as the pupil/subject is left trying to meet the demands/picture/idea without direction or development within physical awareness, so this is like asking for perfection suddenly without, and this just being an idea, any awareness of how the physical moves to become equal and one to an idea, where even within this, there is no such thing as perfection, as being is expression equal and one to and as the physical as life, which is in a state of movement and thus continual transformation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even within this, when impatience and demands are made, contrary ideas are often expressed, where it is said that one is impossible and stubborn, meaning unwilling change or transformation ( fast enough) and then at the same time being asked to change, which would only cause confusion as two different directives are being given to the physical and self as life, which would cause confusion and a “crash” much like a computer, as two opposing directives would be difficult for a child to answer to, especially from a starting point of non direction within common sense of how this physical world in fact functions.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame such actions/behaviors, as such separation from what is real as the physical has been going on for generations, and is the sins of the fathers passed down, as such, this separation from physical reality must be forgiven and simply realigned, as the solution is the prevention and thus the only choice to end confusion and suffering, as what is demanded on earth is done in ignorance, thus it is to stop ignorance and support life, to become equal and one to and as the physical, to give what is wanted to be received, as what else is there but to become life.

I commit myself to stop and to breath, when and as I find myself in expectation of criticism, based on a personality that is a collection of behaviors from starting points of fear as being separate from myself in common sense of physical awareness and development, as myself as life equal and one to what is here physically and how this functions, where I can blame no one, as all that need be done is to align myself in common sense practically with what is real, the physical, that which is equal in all that is here, to see, realize and understand that fear is separation and judgement based on limited insight, and so, has no directive capacity as life.
I commit myself to, when and as I find myself having a thought of the presence of an adult or “master teacher” and what they might think, to stop and to breath, and to bring myself here, equal and one, through and as breath, to equalize myself to what is physically present and to practice in common sense directing myself here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to stand within myself as common sense of what is here, to no longer allow separation into and as fear, to pull myself back within a sense of vertigo, as fear, as judgement of inferiority or superiority, to stabilize myself here within physical awareness as what is best for all, with gentleness and humility, patience and calm as opposed to nervous anxiety and apprehensive tension, and to recognize every moment/breath of myself as physical separation in common sense of here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to not allow thoughts, as images from the past, to direct myself here, to see, realize and understand that myself as life is able to move in common sense.

Day 253 Imagination Dimension Abdication Character

Imagination Dimension Abdication Character
When teaching children to play the violin, I would notice a change in focus, where self direction and attention were strong, in that things moved with more ease and immediate recognition.
I remember one girl, who was beginning to develop this, it was strong within her. And then in the next lesson she arrived wearing a dainty handbag/purse. I think the strap was a gold colored chain. I knew it was over, I had seen this before. The transition. The girly world had caught her attention, and unless the parents made note of this, she was going to fade and never return. Which is what happened. And it is hard to watch.
It is not that wanting to be a girl is bad, it is that this consumes and other areas are left behind. If it does not fit the picture, as what our society promotes, as personification of women, then it is more than likely left behind. The bling, the seeming enchanting image of the princess, the woman, is taken on with gusto, at the exclusion of all else.
What are our children focusing themselves into and as, within such limited designs? And is the personifications promoted within the figurines, as the very toys of play in childhood the beginning of such limited focus? What is promoted is a boy within war games and financial games, and with women the princess waiting for the knight, even the knight beneath the beast, where continues kindness and compassion and service to the beast will eventually bring out the man, the real man, and then the maiden will be saved. And the journey of putting up with the beast is commended. It seems an abuse coupled with a truth in some way, I mean abuse is abuse, let’s not elaborate it, justify it with with a patience in of supposed “good behavior.”
This is where the principle of oneness and equality comes in. What is best for all is best for all, period. There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s, period.
Spending time respecting anything else is really saying it is okay to follow through with a tantrum in self interest, and the tantrum is not being what is best for all. Any justifications to the contrary need be looked at immediately and simply stopped. Practice makes perfect. Digression is digression is digression. Let’s start calling a spade a spade, and not molly coddle the tantrums of our illusions.
A little girl of twelve or thirteen, suddenly taking the play of dress up out into the world, at the exclusion of everything else is limited. There is no way around this.
And we wonder why our children lack the kind of focus that brings success for all children within learning to use language and simple arithmetic in our schools. Could it be the very way in which what we have made huge, that is limited by design, what we uphold as personifications of self within education and media and family generational character values? These are a focusing onto something, and not the practice of self direction within a purpose that considers all life, and self as the same substance as life, as what is here. This is limited consideration, and even here, not everyone has the financial means to even live out what is the proposal of this monetary system, as what it promotes ( which collectively we all allow), thus presenting the unattainable for many. And what kind of behaviors would this create? Frustration? Dismay? Anger?
And then, ways and means of profiting on this inevitable lack are created. Prisons, where the prisoner of turned into a commodity for someone’s pension and another’s dividend. Instead of looking at the causation, what is looked at is how to profit from the consequence of this lack of development. Remember, let’s call a spade a spade. No tantrum of justification here, no sticky spinning of a spider web of protection against not looking at that spade as being a spade. Unerring humility in remaining steadfast within the principle of what is best for all, in thought, word and deed, with every breath is the only solution. Anything else is an imagination within self abdication, where the self abdication is protection and defense of the limited values learned as what has been accepted and allowed on this earth, as a tantrum of not wanting to look at the fact that a spade is a spade. The behavior of irritation is a behavior of not looking. The behavior of anger is not looking. The behavior of lust is not looking. The behavior of fear is not looking. Looking and focusing on here, moves with ease. Just as these children who had begun to focus from within, which is visible in a movement within playing the violin, with ease, where one small direction given in detail was more often than not immediately grasped, as though the focus was one and the same as an awareness of an ability to see the notes, and the physical body, and the sound being produced. Interesting, that with the very sound it was immediately noticeable how focused the child was.
And if this is visible as what I have noticed, then would not this be true with all people in all situations? And even within this, I am sure I lack awareness as to the extent within which this is possible. But the other way, the handbag on the shoulder ONLY presentation, is limited. It is a copy cat existence serving a profit system that promotes limited personifications to control ownership of the human in self interest. And we are all playing along unless we stop and realize what is best for all is best for self, as self is part of an organism called earth, and thus, would not self, allowed to be what self is as life, then find a place within this organism? I mean, nature is now coming up with super viruses to balance the earth out and rid itself of what is destructive, so this organism knows what is best for itself, and what the human is practicing and allowing on earth is not what is best for this planet. The human is not aware of itself as life, is not focused as itself as life, is not listening, is not looking, is only pretending within a superimposed dream of limited design.
So, within this, within myself, what imaginations have I accepted and allowed to distract the focus of myself here? Where am I not sounding myself clearly as life, where am I in separation from myself as life, where the very sound i make comes out thin and unfocused?
Where is my behavior not clear and steady, here and focused, without fear and doubt?
What commercial bling do I allow to distract me?
What is it within my own desires, wants and needs, are based on beliefs that really do not serve the purpose of what is best for all?
What do I fear in standing in common sense as what is best for all?
And in this day and age on earth, is there any more time to wait patiently for the beast to “get over it” ? No.
Anything that takes self away form focusing on what is here, in common sense is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the thoughts reeling around, in and as my mind, are one and the same as what is promoted through education, media and the limited values within family as survival tactics, where not all are to be seen as good or bad, as some are of a truth yet coupled with ignorance of what is here on earth in totality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that as within so without, where what reels in and as my mind, is as much a halographic as the halographic images presented within television, media, societal behaviors, educational systemic inability to focus the human into and as being specific and clear within an understanding of self able to focus self as life and direct self as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look in detail as to how the mind works and how the present system on earth functions, to see, realize and understand the structure and form of what has been accepted and allowed by men on this earth, to understand that what is here is a tiered organization of values in separation from what is equal and one, in and as what all existent is as the very substance of, which is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are a construct of accumulated beliefs that originate from a fear of standing as self as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have emotions of self pity as I compare myself to what is presented as the “perfect” feminine form, fearing that I will not be able to survive unless I become this, and/or within this , to seek another value to become the support of myself here, such as believing that becoming an intellectual will bring survival success, which I then parade through purchasing my own comfort and security without standing up and realizing that all on this earth is the same as myself and thus why are not all existing within comfort and ease within and as self expression in and as life?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I have abdicated myself as life, into and as thinking only of my own survival without realizing that self interest within my own survival can never be stable, as there can be no stability or real life expression until all life on earth, as a single organism, is stable and supported within and as the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to displace myself into and as limited personifications in oder to survive instead of asking myself the question as to why such projection exist instead of remaining here equal and one with what is physically here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even within realizing I am play acting in order to survive, the guilt and shame within this, this that i hide and run from, is a separation from directing myself as what is best for all, as self direction as self as life, is this, and exists in and as a state of ease, thus, it is for myself to forgive myself for the “milk I have spilled” as guilt and shame and to stand and become life and to realign myself as life, equal and one, which means existing within and as what is best for all in humility, with no desire for gain and at the moment, a careful common sensical self direction within what is best for all, as at present the current system does not support life, and thus must the current system be stood up within and directed within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the mind in fact functions on a quantum level, where the mind takes pictures laced with what is presented, and what is presented serves an agenda in self interested survival only with an ignorance of what is the source and substance of what is here as this physical world, equal and one in all existent which is life, where television commercials distort reality in favor of a limited viewpoint and thus draw attention to an agenda in self interest for the support of a few, where television could be used to bring life, as the human, back to self as life, here, thus it is not what is here as it is how what is here is used in self interest, thus is a limited design presented in ignorance of the totality of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my own guilt and shame within and as fear of standing as myself as life, will take some practice as I have not been taught to move as myself as life , here, having taken on the present limited system of values, and attempted to use this for my own survival, and when it worked I was feeling better than those around me, and when it did not work, I went into self pity, shame, spite and blame, anger and fear, and thus only went from one polarityto another in separation from focusing on what is actually physically here in and as life, as I allowed myself to exist as mind only.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the halo-graphic spinning of thoughts in and as my mind, as being of limited values, and in paying attention/obeisance to this, I was in fact fearing to stand as myself as life, here, to focus myself in and as life here.
I forgive myself myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared standing as myself as life, in fear of losing friends, losing family, losing survival - as in having money, losing security and comfort ( which in common sense at the moment, to not realize that not having money means I will be unable to stand within this system to make a change- thus it is to use what i am here within common sense to be directed within and as what is best for all as creating a system that supports all life - so that life can begin), losing some idea of myself as a “face value” only, and within this to see that that which stands the test of time, meaning that which is constant and stable, is myself as life, where the irony is that that which I fear is that which is eternal.

I commit myself to, when and as I sense a heaviness in and as emotion and feeling, to stop and to breath, and to bring myself here, to look at the details of what is physically here, and to direct myself within and as moving within the principle of what is best for all.
I commit myself to , when and as I imagine being criticized as I had been as a child, to stop and to breath, and to see, realize and understand how the mind works, and how this present system of inequality functions, to no longer allow myself to participate within a self destructive belief within an endgame emotion, and to forgive the limitation as such a belief of less than, and to direct myself in common sense of what is physically here.
I commit myself to seeing  , realizing and understanding that within myself within self abdication, I exist within shame based on beliefs and ideas that are a endgame, which is a belief within a fear/survival mind set, as existing within fear/survival all that is seen is death, and thus a lack of understanding of the substance of life, of a real faith in life, where being here equal and one as life means respecting life as the physical, and any and all transformations inherent within and as life, as such transformations would be done in awareness as life would not deny itself awareness, as the nature of life would be full participation and full potential reached, and thus what is here, within destruction of this earth is not life, as suicide is not life, dis-ease is not life, life would expression.
I commit myself to no longer fear the presentation of a judgment, an endgame, a limitation, an aspect made huge, as what I was led to believe as a definition of myself as a child and as a woman, a mother, a widow, as the personalities of my own warped reality, which I accepted and allowed in self abdication as life within a fear/survival system, to see, realize and understand the petrification of life here on earth by men, in thought, word and deed as belief, opinion and idea, in media and education, in gender play and culture formation and to stop and to breath and to stand within the principle of oneness and equality, here, and within this to direct myself within what is best for all.
I commit myself to, when and as I abdicate my self as life into such an allowance of myself as shame, blame or spite, to see, realize and understand in what way, as my thoughts, words and deeds, as direction and reaction, from my self or - as what is me without- to realize what values are made huge within utilizing contextual social values as a support in self interest within what is taught as a means of survival within behavior, to not take it personally, but to realize such self interested within a fear/survival system behavioral teachings/tactics and to take this back to self and realign within and as what is best for all, as this is the choice, the only choice, in and as support of all life in consideration as equal and one to and as myself here to be eternally in support of life, where life is the value, equal and one as what I am.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that to abdicate myself as life is to allow ideas, opinions and beliefs supporting constructs of more than and less than, as limited values placed in a system where man is a more-than in relation to this earth, where divisions within this separation continue such more- than scenarios, as societal behaviors within class, gender, race, culture, on which taboos of moving beyond proper behaviors are accepted and allowed, to see, realize and understand that many of the reactive fears within and as my imagination journeys of impending doom and gloom have no real basis within and as being able to support all life, consider all life, as life being the value, and that such emotional/feeling storms as a collection of thoughts based on beliefs, opinions and ideas are fearing the survival suit of taught behaviors in separation from life, from equality and oneness in and as life, here, where the mind as an image tool has been used by each individually to hide from facing self as life, and in replication of this inner allowance by men, into and as a system without that repeats what is held as what self believes self is, as personification, as a warped reality of values, divided and separated and limited and them blanketed onto and as all men, accepted and allowed by men, this construct a nature of more than and less than, which is the behavior of mankind on an organism of life, as earth, where man is in total separation from this earth as a manifestation of life, here.

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