Day 664 Becoming a Point of Change. From Nothingness into Creation as What is Best for All.

Becoming a point of change, where change is a starting point in every moment.

I am sitting with someone, and listening, I realize I am beginning to get tense, as though I am forming into something. The other day in a supermarket, I realized that I wanted to press a picture, as a form as an idea, onto something. The motivation was to protect against some idea of resistance that I believed was impossible to move through in my world/environment. The pull into this belief so real, or so I believed!

There are also times when I rush, as I have not cleared a structure to walk into within me, and I resort to my accepted and allowed experience. Here I have to not only realize my own habits, but also, take in what I resisted, as my fear, and a new movement as a measure to be a solution that remains within a law that is constant, a principle that realizes what can remain eternal, which is what is best for all, considering all things as much as I am able, as it is here that things are done, created, sustainable, synergistic, meaning easier to transfer understanding of means and ends.

I am so used to moving in defensive ways, that seeing my own defenses in terms of addressing fears, that are a mistake on reality, that moving through emotional veils is like realizing that underneath it all, one can find stability in being honest. Brutally self honest.

When anxiety comes us, I have to breath, slow way down, realize where I have accepted an idea, composed of a polarized fear that uses dimensions of reality, the personal, the collective, the direct and the indirect, to justify my separation from really looking at what is right in front of me as the physical to live self responsibility. What I have allowed is a huge smoke and mirrors show within and as me, to resist being present in this reality here. It is really insane what I have allowed. 

I had a dream the other day; People were assessing my house, and seeds were falling from the seams of my house - like where the ceiling meets the walls. In the dream I went to look at what I first perceived to be little black balls/shapes, and they were sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. I was anxious that the people assessing the house were going to find the seeds falling from the seams, yet I could see that the people had already been in that part of the house. Amazing the detail I can imagine, like filling in the shapes in a coloring book with color! Yet what is real? My imagination or the physical?

All the parts as the objects of the dream were of subjects I had encountered the day before in some way. And the underlying anxiety with the images my mind consciousness had used, was my own fear caused by a separation from considering all things, being grounded in reality.  I could spin around and around in the symbols or I could also bring this into the context of practical living, not aggrandizing some value trying to build some kind of meaning to define me because I accepted and allowed disrespect for all things, the physical. I am thus able to let go in every moment, and change with every breath, listening to here, grounding myself to see the next movement as my accepted and allowed imagination and what is real and here. I can remain equal and one with the physical life around me. I choose to be a disciple of life, the physical. I can quantumly change within, reform within and become the practice of equality to all things in every moment. Here, there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. I can be thankful for every moment, accepting it and taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from myself as life, as that which can assess all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I can assess what I have accepted and allowed, and change this within and as speaking self forgiveness, to realize the measure I have accepted and allowed within, to name it, as like cures like, using dimensions of reality, as qualities of reality, inflated or ignored, hidden indirect or direct references, lacking cross reference to what is real, my owned thought words and deeds can be grounded in respect of life, which is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing some value, as I have accepted and allowed such a value to give me meaning, all done in my imagination, in separation from respecting all things as what I am as a physical beingness, a seed information of the measure I accepted and allowed coming to fruition as a mind consciousness allowed to be larger than what is real as the physical world of the information of life, right here in front of me as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understand that the limitations caused by my separation from considering all things educed spite and blame behaviors of uncertainty and lack as my focus and what I allowed to direct me, here, and  are the result of my own compounding consequences of separation from myself as life, the presence of myself as life in respect of physical beingness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to manipulate my awareness into a memory made larger than reality, an imagination made larger than reality, as I believed the inner measure to be more than the outer world, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I accepted and allowed competition, believing my within to be more than the without as the consequence of my separation created an inferiority to life, and a desire for survival in fear of loss  and the ensuing uncertainty as a mind consciousness built of imagination, an abstract that was not equal to the practice of living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject life, within and as believing my inner imagination to be more than the physical reality on which this imagination existed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being practical, as this, or so I believe, means that I must move against an enlarged imagination, a memory, a me more, when that me more cannot have the promise appearing to be real, as that promise has no real grounding in creation, as the physical, as the practice of living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the measure of my anxiety is equal to measure of my separation, and hence, I can assess my separation built of ideas, beliefs and opinions, and ground this back into a normal applicable practice that allows the expression of life , a participation in life, in ways that do no harm, here.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess what is here, within and without, asking question to define the terms, to then build an understanding from which to ground into a step by step practice that is a structure equal and one to the means of life, as physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, and I accept the measure of my separation as a gift, to realize the definitions of my separation, the parameters of my metaphysical personality, to realize what I accepted and allowed as a measure, sensing the emotional pulls and the feeling justifications that in terms of withstanding the test of time, have no real sustainability, and hence I forgive them, define them, name them, ground them here, into and as what gives direction, into considering all things, here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, I assess, I investigate, I define terms, I understand, I take the time, I sense the space of here, until I discover my own accepted and allowed covering of imagination made larger than life, to become a beingness in oneness and equality here.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I take the time to investigate to understand a measure with clarity, as an awareness of not only myself, and my accepted and allowed separation into a mind consciousness, to ground myself in respect of all life as the physical reality that is life in expression all around me.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath, and I change, I accept the gift of life, as my own acceptances and allowances of belief, opinion and idea, my personification of limited values, in a belief that I had to compete to survive, and I stop, I slow way down, and I assess and investigate to understand, defining terms, until I self correct from a memory made larger than life, to one equal and one in consideration of all things, to see, realize and understand in thought, word and deed, that which is best for all, as this is what is best for self, here.

When and as I find myself fearing to lose something I believe defines me, I stop and I breath, and I return to silence, a point of nothingness, and I breath, I slow way down, I realize the value of life as physical beingness, and change within and as me, investigating the physical world, to see, realize and understand that which is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I realize my own accepted and allowed limitations as beliefs, opinions and ideas, and I realize I can change, thus I can accept what is expressed, understand, investigate, and self direct in ways that consider all things, taking that which is good, that which moves with ease, that which feels good, and become the living word in thought, in word, and in deed, here.

Day 354 The lesser self Fear dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a shadow self in and as a presence in and as an idea of what I am as a human, as a woman, as my culture, as my venue of expression within a system of inequality determined through and by money, where money determines life, a system we have all accepted and allowed in hopes of, and a belief in there being something more when this presence as idea as there being something more is ourselves fearing to stand equal and one to and as ourselves here as life, as we have allowed ourselves to become a presence, a definition of what we are based on images in relation to something we perceive is outside of ourselves as we are stuck in believing that our creation is more than another, as what we are, when we are of the same substance as all that is here, as the starting point, substance/medium/ source/sound of and as life that is the primary expression of life from nothing, and so I clung to the something from the nothing as a starting point instead of realizing the nothing is everything.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is from nothing to something that is the movement of myself here, that can be lost when I lose myself within and as the principle of being an absolute purpose of life, which is the principle of what is best for all is best for self, where all the parts can only direct themselves within and as the principle of what is best for all, as this is how the expression in and as life maintains itself in and as being life, as form , as design, as in how to move here, thus this presence within and as me, built of relationships in separation of physical reality, of specific understanding of how the physical world works, and the allowed and accepted systemic design of role play defined within borders in and as collective relationships to move self within a limited field of view, not good or bad, but when imposed as non-transparency of how the unit as earth functions absolutely, the parts become unaware of the whole, which is being unaware of self in all aspects of definition as the manifestation of substance revealing how here works where each part can then make practical decisions as to what works within and as what will be best for all, as the whole, thus each part must be allowed, must accept, must come to understand how here works, which can happen through direct democracy, through direct sharing of awareness of here as how here works in ways that support all parts absolutely, which can be done through the present technology within and as words, to begin to comprehend here as how here functions so that each part can stand in awareness of here, from a point of nothingness to life, always cleaning the slate of judgement and looking here at functionality and directing as self as life, as what is best for all as the directive is the expression of life within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe and cling to and associate with in and as ideas as culture as gender role play believing myself to need the oppositesex to direct me here as I had rejected what i did not understand, where it is to work together in equality as life, and to direct within a principle that is the nature in and as life, which is to simply be, where in order to simply be what is, must be allowed to be itself as life here, using what is physically real here as earth to support here one and equal in and as us as what we are, as what i am here, as this is respect for life, and as the physical is life, this means respecting the physical world in allowing what is here to be itself as what it is, and thus any act that suppresses or diminishes what is here as can be seen in the inherent form and function as the very shape and movement of what is here reveals its purpose if looked at without judgement and the borders of limitation that has been accepted and allowed through the way money has come to determine life here, determine what is given or not given, authoring self development into a hierarchy structure that has not considered and started from the point of respecting nothing in something and the something as been considered to be reality when the nothing is just as much reality as the birth of life, into and as an expression, thus the expression as life must be realized as the value.

Day 101 The character of the dreamer.

Day 101 The character of the dreamer.

I went  and looked at real estate in another place, and have wanted to continue to do this. And then I find myself thinking about what it would be like to live there.

I find myself wanting a partner to life “there” - where ever “there” is! lol

I find myself being afraid of being alone in a “new place.” 

I find myself doing this more as I pull my present situation into order to leave.

And I also notice I feel like I have less time.

Dreaming takes up time. eats it. The projector/mind is consuming through imagery, collecting all my pasts and creating a new story, fears included.

I have to breath and tell myself that I am here. Other than this, all there is is practical considerations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dream about the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wonder what it would be like to live in “this or that” area, where what is only necessary of to look at practical considerations, such as real estate taxes,  access,  structural integrity of what exits, what needs repair and what it would mean to repair, etc.. The actual physical considerations of being in another place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to turn a new place into a fairy tale, where I imagine all the characters as the picture of how I as a woman should appear in and as what is considered to be success, as a job, a “manly man,” children with their “significant” ( meaning support as mind) other, perhaps some grand children somewhere along the way etc.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that, though there is no “wrong” within any of these scenarios, the need to imagine them, to wish for them, to want them, to hope for them, as what I am being indicates that there is something missing within this world, as these images are of what life is here on this earth, where people interact with one another, in many fashions, with animals, with the soils, with the plants should be what exists without fear and apprehension of these things not existing, and thus as myself here, I would be the being of this as myself as life as a physical being in the form of a human here on this earth, and thus I would not need the drug of a dream, I would be here being this, thus is the act of myself dreaming, my own fear of loss of life that is the illusion and the separation and what is used to control myself a source of life on earth by a few.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this very ability of myself to dream, is myself in fear of loss, and within this is indicative that the very structure  this world develops as this dreaming, allows a few to possess in reality this image and then has others running after this image, where the image is of a life in interaction, yet the reality is a system that eats up the resources of this earth and directs them within profits for the few, where if what is here is used in common sense and within best practices, as best practices being what is best for all, then scenarios where all of earth interacts with all of earth would be what exists and thus would we all , here, life, a REAL physical reality and not images in and as our minds.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this present system of inequality has used the ability of the human to dream, to grab and own this earth in contradiction to what the earth is as life - unconditionally/freely giving- to serve their own excessive dream scenarios, where the images in and as the mind are of a partial reality and thus can never be as fulfilling as the actual, in fact physical living reality, yet if one does not know the difference, and the dreams have taken all attention, then the very idea of a real physical reality living with this physical world would be so separated from self’s experience, it would be very difficult to understand what this means.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop  all thoughts of wonder of what it would be like to live in another place, unless I am practically sitting down and making a list of actual practical existential considerations, as this is not dreaming but simply organizing what needs to be done to complete a task.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize within this, how many people on this earth are having their homes and families ripped apart so that monoculture agribusiness can take the land to grow vegetable oils to burn to replace the dwindling oil reserves, without any consideration for the plants, the animals and the soils ( where there are many more life forms) in an effort to own what is this earth that has no signature of ownership as it is life, where even within my local area, although there are funds for alternative energy options, the local electrical system is not putting any effort into developing this as there is not time for the electrical workers to implement such changes, as these changes cost money not only the money from government subsidies, but also the man hours spent implementing alternatives, thus nothing gets done on a large scale within alternative energy development, as most of what exists within money is spent on war, to grab a resource that is own-able ( meaning self interest for the few lost in a dream) and not something that is more difficult to own, which is the sunshine and the wind- thus within a profit based system, if it cannot be owned than it is of no interest, as the intangible cannot be labeled and stamped with a name.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this same kind of thing would happen with music students, where they would begin to play with ease, as though they found the understanding with the instrument, and then suddenly stop, as the girls would begin to carry “purses” and the boys would go into sports, and the dressing of themselves within this would - as the dream- take over- and the violin would no longer be “cool” as that which is intangible within and as themselves was not real, what became real was the image, was how they looked and not what was them in expression as life, and thus a one dimensional, singular idea of how they should look - which can be manipulated and owned as the image sale of this and the accessories that create the image of this- can be owned, where the self, picking up a violin and directing self within the means of playing as self, cannot be owned and develops the ability of self to self direct, and thus this is not the suppression of life to become a follower of a picture.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as a human, to see, realize and understand , that there is plenty on this earth to support life, all life in dignity, and that the fact that a human dreams of a place to live, and how that place should look, is in itself an indication of something not being right about this world, as this is not actual physical living and development but only a dream.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that no matter where I might or might not want to live, what is here as this earth should be used with respect for the earth and all life, where no matter where I live there is not a question existent as to there being something to fear but only the existence of an interaction here as life in which to expand myself as life, to becoming one and equal to what this physical world consists of, as this world is of a technology beyond the human’s present understanding, and thus we are wishing and wanting some supposed “greater” outer space race to come with some sort of “amazing technological advancement, when this flies in the face of all reason, as we have this earth, this physical “space ship” that is right here, that is life, supporting us unconditionally and we do not even develop each and every human to understand this “SHIP” of life, where all we have done is turned this SHIP of life into a fucking doll house. I mean WTF.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the TITANIC- the story of the TItanic is the story of this earth as what will become of this earth if we do not wake up and take care of the ship that carried the ship of the greed of profits wanting to become more and more and more, hitting the iceburg of this physical world in ignorance of this physical world, and thus will this ship of fools as greed and profit before life go down, drowning in their own greed and substance abuse, where even when the dream is lived the substances of escape, such as alcohol are still needed to maintain the illusion and the intangible as the substance of life, is suppressed and in dis-use causing disease and sinking ships.

I commit myself to dismantling the dream and walking one and equal on this ship of life, the earth using the feet of my human physical body as myself as life, to live as a part of this earth in tandem with earth, one and equal, being here within and as my physical real feet and toes.

Disembark from this ship of fools and stand up as life, support an Equal Money System.

The Soul of Money

What is your MIND?