Day 623 Oblivion: the sense of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed experience.

Oblivion: The state of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed.

I am the measure of what I accept and allow. The memory of me, as the measure of me, determines the movement of me here. If I have a voice in my mind, as a measure, as an entity, as a thing, though of imagination, of a fluid, rushing heard-only-by-me within sound, it cannot possibly be what is real here. It is ‘real’ to me, and me only, it is a constructed perception of this reality because it comes from my perception of this world I live within, this world I am now a adult human being within. I am a man, and this is the hue within and as me as my experiences accumulated. I mean, what does the adage mean ‘ the sins of the fathers”? I think of sine and tangent and cosine, from my days in geometry.  Something about angle relationships. And ‘sinus’ meaning curve, and in Arabaic meaning ‘ pocket size’ . Somehow all word play describing the curve of memory, something that can fit into a pocket, somehow characteristics of what memory is. One must remove any value to memory, and see it for what it is without adding a value to it. It will remain, will not go away.  Listen to the voices in your head when you feel fearful, they curve you away from being practical, they distract, take attention, and they fit into the pocket that is you as a living physical form here on this earth. They are a measure of reality, a relationship made from an experience, done with ordering a set of values, not necessarily a bad thing overall. It is the limitation of values without considering the value being life here, as being physical. One thing about the mind, and about our system, is that we are impulsed to believe in being perfect immediately, a by product of instant gratification in a consumerist society. And, an indicator of our own lost sense of space and time in consideration as equal practice with being physical beings here.  And yet, what we long for is connection with others, just as children long to participate in a classroom.  

Ever stood on the sides and become inwardly agitated while listening to a conversation in the center of the group on which side you stand? Can you sort out what it is you are reacting to in detail, or does the agitation take over, and a sense of frustration and then a voice of criticism composed of terms, as words, as ideas, pointing out what is right and what is wrong and then moving into creating/voicing a story about the individual speaking, or the others in the ‘ inner’ part oft the group? Is this process of delineation ( which is what is it is) creating borders to  order in self interest as belief, or is this cross referenced with this reality, to sort and create into a collective understanding that unites and gives productive sustainable direction and order?  This is the measure of self, as idea, belief and opinion. It seems too real, and it is . Yet, it is a measure of understanding, based on judgement, composed of values of good and bad about the things around one, and this becomes a relationship as belief, that then becomes the experience of oneself, and if repeated, because we learn through spaced repetition, this becomes the signature of oneself, and the voice of oneself, and then if this does not direct with clarity, it causes problems because this signature lacks consideration of all things, and thus mis-takes, as things not considered, accumulate and one becomes locked in a valley, of shadows of good and evil, of right and wrong, and the clouds accumulate as this inner measure, until the ground, as the valley is no longer visible. It is like, we become the smoke in this metaphorical valley, and we dissipate because we become what we think about, what we form ourselves as, or allow ourselves to be formed as, because we can blame no one, as we are capable of reforming ourselves  with that same substance that forms the separation. This is the gift of life. The media cannot form the storm of you, unless you accept and allow it. It is by consent that we accept the story as the measure of what is happening in this world presented by our media. Without investigating reality in detail, we cannot blame another for ourselves, as a movement, accepting what is presented.

This reminds me of someone I knew growing up. They worked with all different races of people. They enjoyed working with them, and nurtured them within the building of awareness within a specific field. So, on the ground, they cared and directed within their understanding. Yet, when talking generally about things, as the socio-economic scenarios that were dictated via media with all manner of justifications and reasons, with all kinds of limited relationships made, they objectively looked at the same races they intimately directed in every day life and therefor understood the capacity of the person, yet viewed the same collective of people as being lacking in ability as a whole. The contradiction made no sense, because non the  ground, their token exposure to various races, was of a completely different experience. The relationships lived on the ground, in the every day, told a different story than the relationships made as groups on the media. And no attention to the details of the system was conveyed that would cause a man to become limited in their development , or frustrated with living. A man must have the basics to live, and the opportunity to build awareness as in being exposed to all measure of reality to become a capable person. This is understood, thus lack cannot be what defines a person and then punished for being that lack because this is not addressing the absence of what is needed to redirect the awareness of that in lack to no longer missing what is needed to be self directive in ways experienced in our immediate communities when we interact with that same race that happens to be in a situation where there is opportunity for development!

I practice self forgiveness, as the means to the end of an inner understanding being unequal to understanding practical reality. As I practice this forgiving of myself, I become what I practice, and I begin to ground myself here, realizing the necessity of respecting life, as in, with every breath, living the full measure of this existence, to become and be equal and one to life, to realize the full potential of what it means to bring heaven, my little heaven in and as the measure of my acceptances and allowances within, as my accumulated experience, as what I believe that I am,  as the very measure of my understanding, to ground this, to cross reference, to realize and be thankful in all humility, everything that is here around me as this actual , real physical world as this is the very means of me being here in expression as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged this gift of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the preciousness of this gift.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to be ashamed of what I have ignored that is right in front of me, as this gift of life, to be and interact, to connect and live, to become understanding that is whole and respectful that can exist within and as the ease of what being humble is in movement here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen, realized and understood, the separation from myself as life that I have accepted through fear of being self honest here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to define myself as limited experiences instead of using the measure of my experience to open myself to understanding what it means to live a physical manifestation of life as life would be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand as I stood on the edge of community, that the experience of me as my memory, as the measure of my understanding,  was just this, and to have in abdication of myself as life, judged the measure presented instead of assessing this measure and cross referencing reality in respect of all life, to realize creation, as in taking that which is good and does no harm, as that which is a measure that considers all things, to direct in ways that bring solutions, as solutions are what sustains and expands existence in all parts, a collective interaction that realized in all humility that it is all parts standing as two or more in the name of life, which is the physical, that is the strength and building of heaven on earth.

When and as I find myself filled with an energetic movement of resistance, or of a tension in the back of my head, or in my chest, or a movement of pressure as contraction within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and accept the voices in and as miming, the complaint of my inequality to life, the complain of my lack of understanding, and I see realize the blame and spite I place on objects as reflections in my mind of stories, where I lame myself as life, in fear of being self honest, in fear of standing equal and one in respect of living here.

When and as I find myself becoming confusion and an agitated sense of frustration, I stop, I slow down, I allow the fury of my accepted and allowed separation into and as mind to subside, as I forgive the raging measure of limitation composed of beliefs of more than and less than, and I ground myself until I am silent, calm, humble, and I sense the measure of here, as reality, here as the physical, and I assess, I investigate until  I can direct myself in consideration of all things, realizing that this will take practice because from the get go, and from the accumulation of the sins-of-the-fathers, I must act with care and humility to begin to expand in a common sense of the physical world here.

When and as I find myself unable to be directive with clarity as with a sense of ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed an overwhelming sense of oblivion, thus, I slow way down and bring myself here, to ground myself here in the moment, and I stabilize in and with my breath, and forgive the limited measures as polarized beliefs, opinions and ideas, used to suit myself in survival in separation from accepting this physical world as life information here, and here I slow down, and use my common sense, to investigate and assess reality here, to realize in practice until this becomes a constant that can withstand the test of time, to be figuring with and as every breath here, to realize in thought word and deed equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself lacking in humility and ease, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I investigate within and without, to ground myself into this moment here, to accept the gift of creation, as the physical, as this is the way and the means of life, and for this I am grateful, here.

When and as I find myself existing within and as a sense of oblivion,I  stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive myself to the measure of my accepted and allowed experience within and I cross reference the measure of what it means to be life, as life is a physical manifestation in expression as life would, and I realize the overwhelming nature that is the forgetfulness of oblivion, and I breath, I slow down, I humble myself until my breathe is calm, and I can begin to sense the within as my accepted measure and the without as this means of my being here, the physical, and I cross reference, until I can assess what is here and what directives consider all things and take that which is good, until I am equal and one with and as self forgiveness as is the nature of me as life, into what is constant in respecting the physical within and without, to become a constant in respect as self forgiveness to reality here.

Day 309 Disgust Character Back Chat Dimension

In the last days, catching myself going into disgust, which is labeling , which is spite, which is like a collection of values developed according to class, and race, and nationality, and gender, like I have a new astrological ordering system, as this is really no different than any systemic order of value into more than and less than - an “astro” value/logic ; relating to stars, stars being a consumer based entertainment, of watching what is a-maze-ZING, a zap of excitement and feel good, of emotional accolade connection, of making something “positive” within worshipping our own inability and turning it into feeling good because someone else has this. This next best thing to not being self responsible and looking at ourselves and this present system, because we can prove through our lack that we are still good because we can point out good - as in following a star quality. Notquestioning why the exception to the “norm” exists, where the exception reveals the ability, allowed development in ONLY a few.
So, we have two things here;
An accepted norm that indicates and accepted lack of development.
And, a state of being that perpetuates this lack through ogling the development, turning it into a more than, and ourselves a less than, and making this okay because we are worshipping the more than. Singular, limited, ignorant of life, of the substance of what we are as life, here.

And all the strings of belief that we are not good enough, we lack, which is what we are taught, which is what we accept and allow, not knowing ourselves as life, as we are consciousness in separation from moving one and equal with and as what is physically real. Our “astro” logic, our star chasing actions in admiration of a “more than” hide us from facing our own self discovery, of becoming ourselves as life, we are watching the stars instead of listening to ourselves as life, that sense that we know we are not standing up within what is supportive of life, as we move in self interest only, our star gazing admitting to self accepted lack. The consequences of this are compounding, so resplendent in what is happening on earth, so, the effects of profit in self interest, will soon be at your door.

We admire “star” quality instead of being that which is the source of the “star” ourselves. And this action is diminishing the fabric of life, as this earth. Allowing one point to be more than another is denying the existence of what is what creates, as being the value.

So, within myself as consciousness, as a system of value qualification, I am walking a projection of what is more than and less than, my own data book of what I reject as being less, based on beliefs accepted and taught, and voicing what I believe is more, to appear “good” and to hide my own lack of directing myself as life, in common sense of how I function within and as a physical being on this physical world. I am in essence rejecting myself as life, rejecting self responsibility in equality and oneness with and as the substance of life. And were I to to this within this embedded system of separation from life as it now exists, I would be cast out in spite, by those who walk a consciousness only, so great would the denial be, as the habit of self denial as life is now manifest as the accepted system of money determining life, which is why what brings this world back to reality is a system of equality, where money that has taken on the value developed from earth’s freely given resources, and divided this value into some getting more than others, despite the abuse this is and has created to this physical world, must become what exists on this earth to realign ourselves within and as the value being life where money is used to take the value of the resources made to support life, to be distributed to in fact support all life, realizing that life is the value.

So, the back chat in and as my mind of what is a “star” value and what is not, in and as disgust, is where I reject that which I fear will give me a lesser “star” value within and as my own survival, my disgust is really my fear of survival, my separation from what I have judged as less, what I have not accepted as being within myself as I believe it will take away from my life, when this is not of a lesser value,it is simply made to seem less than, and its existence is not fixed, it can be clarified into being directed within and as what is best for all, meaning there is nothing that can be lost, what is lost is only self direction in and as life, here. Thus, the value system of more than and less than is the illusion. It is like rejecting the very “food” of what allows self direction. Star chasing is the act of self denial as life. This, an act of stagnation only.
It means that all limitations are simply accepted “end games” and nothing else, and these end games warp reality.

It means we can no longer sit and watch TV. I means we can not longer remain stagnant, it means we can no longer accept the unacceptable.

It means that when I begin to feel a hole within my chest, and hear the voices in and as my mind of judging the being of another as stupid and ignorant, the only choice is to look at that state of being and to speak in such a way that directs from that state of being, fixed in an idea of an end game, as what is believed, just as we do with children, if we tell them they are “this or that” instead of formatting the question to suggest that the being of what they are can be moved towards an awareness of change into and as what directs, and within this existing as the principle as what we teach in our schools, and what we state within our laws as being responsible within the common good before profit, because we know what we are doing, and then this world would realize itself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in the back chat in and as my mind of what is less than, which I reject as not what I am in and as naming this and pushing this away in and through reacting in disgust, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is myself separating myself from here, within and as being directive within and as what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how I am clinging to knowledge and information, instead of being one and equal with what is here, wanting being here to be easy, where within my knowledge I find a “star” solution to justify ignoring how I am within what I allow myself to be as the very expression and direction of myself here, within not realizing that for myself to be and become life, what is best for me as life, is what is best for all, where the consciousness in and as what I am as mind exists as is limited values made huge in self validation as justification for not standing up equal and one to and as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to not realize a movement within and as myself as emotions, thoughts and feelings as limited energetic imbalance as the very nature of separation from existing within and as life, in sound equality with the principle of what is best for all being a state of ease, where no conflict and friction exist within and as me here, as being within and as sound is voicing what is best for all, as what is best for all, is a state of equality and oneness with physical existence, where in contrast the mind, as consciousness is unstable as it lacks a physical perceptive ability of common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting back chat in and as the voice of consciousness, the voice of limitation, the voice of more than and less than value judgements, based on a system manifest without that reflects the separation from life as the human within, of self abdication in and as life, that draws attention to details as descriptions of others, being locked into a state of stagnation as what is real, having lost touch with self as being self directive within and as self as life, this being what is best for self, and thus what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become impatient with the voice as the expression of consciousness, not seeing realizing and understanding that such is myself as life, equal and one, and thus the only choice is to direct what expression exist on this earth to and towards what is the principle of what is best for all, as all that is here is capable of allowing life, within and without, where all life is allowed self responsibility in and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that shame, as the sham, of consciousness as mind, as being self in separation from an equal and one physical and spirit connection realizing that the physical is a means of self being an expression of life, where the mind is an image as idea, opinion and belief, which are not what is life, as this is a projection onto life as idea only and not the actual physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing to fear, as fear is a separation into and as no longer being equal and one to and as what is real here, and thus an indicator of separation in and as a lack in understanding equal and one communication with and as what is physically real, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear energetic responses as being real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the storm of separation manifest as back chat as systemic accepted and allowed value judgements of what is more and what is less, this being parroted through words and deeds of pointing out what is accepted and allowed as a more than, which is obeying a system of inequality and thus survival in self interest instead of what supports all life, equal and one, where life is realized and the value, of which the physical world reveals a realization of practices that are what is best for all, as such would create a world of sustainability, stability, security, which is presently not what exists on earth if one chooses to go and investigate the behaviors of men, animals, soils, and plants.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive to the ignorance of the nature of life, in and as a persona of disgust which is a reaction in and as fear, which is separation from and as life,to slow myself down and to breath, to become equal with the physical and from here to choose what is best for all within and as being what is best for self is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a sense of disgust comes tumbling down, I stop and I breath, and I do not allow a hole of fear within and as what i am be the response of myself, I stop I breath, I bring myself back here, and I direct this back chat judgement, as consciousness , into and as myself accepted and allowed beingness to realign this within the principle of what is best for all, to realize my disgust is myself in self abidication in and as life, here.

DIP Lite FREE

Day 241 Consequence Dimension : Victim Chaaracter

Consequences Dimension : Victim Character
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of my separation into and as more than and less than, as emotions and feelings following an image of myself no longer being a relationship of togetherness with my friend, as the image of myself standing separate from the object of my friend, as though I have been divided into a part with the loss of my friend, as I stand before a friend sitting with a new group of friends in/as a reaction of myself believing something has been lost, as emotional judgements of less than intensifying to a judgement of more than, are myself in separation from what is real as the physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to simply see, realize and understand with the movement of the physical world around me, what in fact was reality, where my friend was maturing into a woman and was moving towards girls moving through the same experience, where within this had I looked at the structure, as the form of society within the divisions into and as groups and the beliefs of what is of greater and lesser value as behavior within and as class, and gender, as what - especially at this young age, what appears to gather more attention, more bling, more following, more excitement, more security within and as a group, which the childhood relationship that I had had with my friend appeared small and insignificant within the larger school as we had moved from town organized elementary school into regional middle schools, and within this I took this change personally, clinging to a past and not looking to the whole, and, also, within this, instead of existing as emotions - which are self interested movements of myself as illusion, as judgement, seeing only that something was lost, and probably being aware of the changes going on developmentally around me, I felt lost as I was not developing in this way at the time, thus I was only seeing what was being made huge, as the forming groups in middle school, where even those that realize the changes tended to not want to be with what was not cool as this was all that was seen, and within this rejected others of like status as the only status seen, a behavior that fit into what is made of more import than life within the media and family, which is to say that these qualities do not exist but that this is not all that exists, as there are many values, as qualities existent within men and this earth, thus to ignore some and make others huge, denies life, and creates a mono of the poly, as style, mannerisms, presentations as assumptions without practical sustainability or consideration of what is supportive of all life in and as the physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how becoming a victim within this supposed loss, was myself clinging to an idea, as what a past relationship existed as, and the context and the construct of a society created by man that has selected ideas and values presented to signify what enables survival within this collectively accepted system of selective and thus limited values as roles/tolls taken on and performed within what will bring more attention, within this context of middle school, where other values are left on the fringes, and as the human child has not been taught to develop themselves as life, and all that is presented is limited values catering to a system of profit, not understanding how the physical and the mind in fact function, in a world that suggests, as presented through media and family values, a system of survival and not a system that respects and works with what is real, this physical world, that which the human is one and equal to, and what it is that supports the human, the physical as this is life, equal and one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am a victim within this, to not see, realize and understand myself as life, equal and one as the substance as the mass of myself as a physical being, and thus to move myself equal and one as this physical in consideration of being equal as the same substance as the physical as myself as life, that which is the starting point of reality and the gift as life, here.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, to stop and recognize value judgements as what i have been taught and the memories of myself as the past being points where I separated from the physical into and as judgement of more than and less than, ignoring how the physical world in fact functions, where I applied myself as energy as judgement of more than and less than, ignoring the physical through allowing limited values to become greater than life, thus was I separate from a self directed principle as myself as life, here.
I commit myself to , breathing, to realizing that the physical is one and equal to and as me, and thus that what is real is what is here within this moment of breath, here.
I commit myself to bringing myself back here, in and as breath.
I commit myself to realize how the judgements I have accepted and allowed, being values of more than and less than, are based on fear of loss within a system of survival, as consequence of an initial separation from being equal and one as life, here, by each and every human, that have become, through habitual being as mind as myself, emotional feeling bodies, which are collections of judgements lived as a directive again and again and again, to within this stop and breath, to bring myself back here equal and one to what is real, the physical.
I commit myself to becoming aware of myself as the physical, to sense when there is a movement of myself, as a sinking down - so to speak- from my head and chest into my lower back, to stop and to breath and to realize what i am doing within my mind that creates this energetic movement within and as myself, to equalize myself to here, and walk as life, equal and one to what is physically here, where life is fluid and not this distinctly oscillating presence, as what fear and anxiety exist as within and as the physical, where - come to think of it- animals don’t do this, where yesterday I experienced an example of this, as I was in a store I frequent, and the woman, as she talked with me, I noticed was shaking really minutely, and from here I noticed her breathing, which was shallow and uneven - so to speak, and so as I payed for my purchase, I noticed her mother was absent, so as I walked out, I stopped and asked her where her mother was, and she said she had been up in the city at the major hospital with her mother, who had been found to have a tumor on her spine, and with this questioning, the store owner, this woman, started to tell the story, all the while continuing to be a behavior of agitation and a shortness of breath, so I explained how her breathing and the absence of her mother had lead me to ask her if everything was okay with her/here, and then I said to her, to slow down and to breath, and to stand up straight, and she did, and the effect was immediate, she slowed down and the agitation diminished, and suddenly, there was like a more fluid movement within and as her, and the look on her face, was of surprise, and she looked at me and said, “ oh my god!”, thank you! ( which was nice!) and she also said that her whole body started to tingle and that she suddenly felt much better, which was cool, but this just goes to show that we as humans, get caught up in our fears to the extent that we separate from ourselves as life, breathing , here, and that we as humans are able, to self realize what we are allowing ourselves to exist as within into and as fear, and how through breath we can slow ourselves down and become more calm and fluid - so to speak, and thus direct ourselves to walk through the consequences we have allowed within existing within separation from what is real, the physical.

Related articles

• Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character
• Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character
• Day 237 Internal Conversations/Back Chat Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 238 Reaction Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Day 240 Fear Dimension : Victim Character

Fear Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become fear, in and as a belief that I had lost something within the changes happening within my friend.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that I was left alone, as I no longer had a friend, someone who was “special” to me and defined me within arelationship as this was in separation from realizing myself equal to all that was within my environment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that such a relationship protected me, where this is really a fuzzy, ambiguous idea, based on judgements of more than and less than, that I was not something or someone unless I had a specific friend to call my own, creating a separation from all the other life existent around me and an ignorance of the form and function in and as the physical world and the changes as transformations existent within life expression, where this is to be enjoyed and understood, realized and moved with to expand in awareness in life in expression as creation, where this is the joy, in common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself in relation to one other person, not seeing realizing and understanding a change in expression, where this change was not something to fear- even within this change being motivated within a system as capitalism, as profit, being limited values directing, but to see, realize and understand that change exists and thus not only can the human change the present system of limited values, as energy, but also, that this system of limited values ignores the total physical world in equality and oneness as this being life, thus it is to walk from the separation from being within as limited values as what manifests energetic insubstantial expression , but also to realign with the actual real, physical world, to expand in awareness of how life, as earth in fact functions, to becoming equal and one with self as life, which can only happen within focusing ourselves HERE, as HERE is where the physical exists, utilizing breath to “read” the physical world as life substance and, let this go - to not cling to in self definition in fear of loss as this is what we are, and to move within this here, equal and one as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to this change, as a loss, believing myself to be victim, as I projected a belief that I was less than, having lost a relationship, where no relationship was lost, as life remained, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated myself from life, into and as believing myself to be a victim.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared standing without the comfort of a supposed “best friend” where I believed that without a best friend I was somehow lacking.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared that I had no value or meaning because I no longer had a best friend.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself in relation to having a best friend , or not having a best friend.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that having a “best friend” or not having a best friend does not define myself here, as life, that it is what i am within and as myself in and as being what is best for all, equal and one to life, no matter in whose shoes I walk as what changes take place.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that as life, there is nothing to be lost, as I am one and equal to all that exists, here.
I commit myself, to, see, realize and understand that losing a “best friend” is an illusion, and a separation and division from equality and oneness as all life here on this planet.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that within judgement in and as fear of loss, and belief in being a victim, I am in separation into a mind consciousnesssystem as self interest based on a face value, inconsiderate of myself as life, and thus inconsiderate of life, allowing the beingness of myself into being a polarity in and as energy, as mind, and not equal and one to the actual physical world.
I commit myself to realizing that within this, the spite and anger I then projected onto my friend was a reaction within how I felt within the judgement of having lost something, in this case, my “best friend” where I defined my value within society within this relationship, having separated myself from equality and oneness to all life into a self interested idea of survival as the very structures taught that made singular relationships bigger than what was physically real, relationships that served a system, as a hierarchy of more than and less than to serve profits to a few within the present monetary system through division of people into gender, class, race, nationality, religion, where groups are created as relationships within limited beliefs to maintain division and separation from self as life realizing the value is life, and where this existence of division and separation created the movement of men as a mind consciousness system that divided and presented into limited values, as judgement, creating polarities of more than and less than, as energy- the lack of respect for life being of no real substance- to feed an inter dimensional division as heaven and earth, where the imaginations of the mind are believed to be what is real but are the values of more than and less than cording the sight of men into a limited awareness of what is one and the same as the very substance existent in all life, which is that which supports all life, the very substance of life which can only be here, as a past and a future is composed of memories as judgements of more than and less than - which is separation into and as energy- as then existing within projecting this past onto the future, an act of movement as judgement of more than and less than, within which the human has created a system in the likeness and image of such behavior, as capitalism, which is destructive to the life that is earth, here, as this behavior of separation is in itself an ignorance of what is real which is life, which is this natural physical world. So, just as images of limited values are plastered all over this world via a media built by the hands of men, utilizing freely given resources to do so, with reckless abandon, and no consideration for the life on earth that is not in alignment with the limited values as what is projected by media, so too, does this exist as the mind consciousness of men, as mind, as thought emotions and feeling, where if we all stopped and slowed ourselves down, and remained within and as breath, we would begin to see this “halo” of imagery as mind, of which we blindly follow, as judgement and separation from what is real this actual real, physical world that is life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my emotion of guilt, in having spent time proving myself “ more than my friend” was an outflow of my initial self judgement in and as being less than, which was a continuation of myself existing within separation from myself as life, and the only real loss was myself not standing in stability as myself as life, realizing equality and oneness to what was here, as the physical world, and though the present system is not supporting and valuing what is real, which is life, the movements of my friend was one and the same, as she is me and i am her, a human in separation from life, into limited values of more than and less than within a system of self definition separate from equality and oneness in and as the physical being life.

Related articles

• Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character
• Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character
• Day 237 Internal Conversations/Back Chat Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 238 Reaction Dimension : Victim Character
• Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Day 101 The character of the dreamer.

Day 101 The character of the dreamer.

I went  and looked at real estate in another place, and have wanted to continue to do this. And then I find myself thinking about what it would be like to live there.

I find myself wanting a partner to life “there” - where ever “there” is! lol

I find myself being afraid of being alone in a “new place.” 

I find myself doing this more as I pull my present situation into order to leave.

And I also notice I feel like I have less time.

Dreaming takes up time. eats it. The projector/mind is consuming through imagery, collecting all my pasts and creating a new story, fears included.

I have to breath and tell myself that I am here. Other than this, all there is is practical considerations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dream about the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wonder what it would be like to live in “this or that” area, where what is only necessary of to look at practical considerations, such as real estate taxes,  access,  structural integrity of what exits, what needs repair and what it would mean to repair, etc.. The actual physical considerations of being in another place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to turn a new place into a fairy tale, where I imagine all the characters as the picture of how I as a woman should appear in and as what is considered to be success, as a job, a “manly man,” children with their “significant” ( meaning support as mind) other, perhaps some grand children somewhere along the way etc.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that, though there is no “wrong” within any of these scenarios, the need to imagine them, to wish for them, to want them, to hope for them, as what I am being indicates that there is something missing within this world, as these images are of what life is here on this earth, where people interact with one another, in many fashions, with animals, with the soils, with the plants should be what exists without fear and apprehension of these things not existing, and thus as myself here, I would be the being of this as myself as life as a physical being in the form of a human here on this earth, and thus I would not need the drug of a dream, I would be here being this, thus is the act of myself dreaming, my own fear of loss of life that is the illusion and the separation and what is used to control myself a source of life on earth by a few.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this very ability of myself to dream, is myself in fear of loss, and within this is indicative that the very structure  this world develops as this dreaming, allows a few to possess in reality this image and then has others running after this image, where the image is of a life in interaction, yet the reality is a system that eats up the resources of this earth and directs them within profits for the few, where if what is here is used in common sense and within best practices, as best practices being what is best for all, then scenarios where all of earth interacts with all of earth would be what exists and thus would we all , here, life, a REAL physical reality and not images in and as our minds.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this present system of inequality has used the ability of the human to dream, to grab and own this earth in contradiction to what the earth is as life - unconditionally/freely giving- to serve their own excessive dream scenarios, where the images in and as the mind are of a partial reality and thus can never be as fulfilling as the actual, in fact physical living reality, yet if one does not know the difference, and the dreams have taken all attention, then the very idea of a real physical reality living with this physical world would be so separated from self’s experience, it would be very difficult to understand what this means.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop  all thoughts of wonder of what it would be like to live in another place, unless I am practically sitting down and making a list of actual practical existential considerations, as this is not dreaming but simply organizing what needs to be done to complete a task.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize within this, how many people on this earth are having their homes and families ripped apart so that monoculture agribusiness can take the land to grow vegetable oils to burn to replace the dwindling oil reserves, without any consideration for the plants, the animals and the soils ( where there are many more life forms) in an effort to own what is this earth that has no signature of ownership as it is life, where even within my local area, although there are funds for alternative energy options, the local electrical system is not putting any effort into developing this as there is not time for the electrical workers to implement such changes, as these changes cost money not only the money from government subsidies, but also the man hours spent implementing alternatives, thus nothing gets done on a large scale within alternative energy development, as most of what exists within money is spent on war, to grab a resource that is own-able ( meaning self interest for the few lost in a dream) and not something that is more difficult to own, which is the sunshine and the wind- thus within a profit based system, if it cannot be owned than it is of no interest, as the intangible cannot be labeled and stamped with a name.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this same kind of thing would happen with music students, where they would begin to play with ease, as though they found the understanding with the instrument, and then suddenly stop, as the girls would begin to carry “purses” and the boys would go into sports, and the dressing of themselves within this would - as the dream- take over- and the violin would no longer be “cool” as that which is intangible within and as themselves was not real, what became real was the image, was how they looked and not what was them in expression as life, and thus a one dimensional, singular idea of how they should look - which can be manipulated and owned as the image sale of this and the accessories that create the image of this- can be owned, where the self, picking up a violin and directing self within the means of playing as self, cannot be owned and develops the ability of self to self direct, and thus this is not the suppression of life to become a follower of a picture.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as a human, to see, realize and understand , that there is plenty on this earth to support life, all life in dignity, and that the fact that a human dreams of a place to live, and how that place should look, is in itself an indication of something not being right about this world, as this is not actual physical living and development but only a dream.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that no matter where I might or might not want to live, what is here as this earth should be used with respect for the earth and all life, where no matter where I live there is not a question existent as to there being something to fear but only the existence of an interaction here as life in which to expand myself as life, to becoming one and equal to what this physical world consists of, as this world is of a technology beyond the human’s present understanding, and thus we are wishing and wanting some supposed “greater” outer space race to come with some sort of “amazing technological advancement, when this flies in the face of all reason, as we have this earth, this physical “space ship” that is right here, that is life, supporting us unconditionally and we do not even develop each and every human to understand this “SHIP” of life, where all we have done is turned this SHIP of life into a fucking doll house. I mean WTF.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the TITANIC- the story of the TItanic is the story of this earth as what will become of this earth if we do not wake up and take care of the ship that carried the ship of the greed of profits wanting to become more and more and more, hitting the iceburg of this physical world in ignorance of this physical world, and thus will this ship of fools as greed and profit before life go down, drowning in their own greed and substance abuse, where even when the dream is lived the substances of escape, such as alcohol are still needed to maintain the illusion and the intangible as the substance of life, is suppressed and in dis-use causing disease and sinking ships.

I commit myself to dismantling the dream and walking one and equal on this ship of life, the earth using the feet of my human physical body as myself as life, to live as a part of this earth in tandem with earth, one and equal, being here within and as my physical real feet and toes.

Disembark from this ship of fools and stand up as life, support an Equal Money System.

The Soul of Money

What is your MIND?

Day 83 Feeling I have too much to do.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse the waters of my human physical body, to compose ideas opinions and beliefs in and as memories of how I should look and be, which manifest as emotions and feeling in separation from what is actually physically here, a me moralizing within limited insights of this physical world, turning myself into a light bulb of ideas that are inconsiderate of all life on this planet, where I am the judge of what is more than and less than, forgetting that I am of the same substance as all that is here as earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to dream, to spin, to exist as, memories based on ideas of how I should look, of how I am supposed to respond and support emotions and feelings in others, of how I am supposed to take care of myself as my immediate physical existence, where I consider only my own immediate circle without understanding of this physical world, as I have not been taught to direct myself as my physical, within and as this physical world, in equality with this physical world, but to imitate the values and images that are rampant on this earth in and as the entertainment presented within a system of survival that is the creation of lack to create fear for survival, created and imposed as what is real by those few who benefit from getting the view from the top of the pyramid, where they themselves are no longer on this earth, and thus become an all seeing eye to survive, which in being an all seeing eye they themselves are not life, but in a state of perpetual defense which is manifested as war on this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be so angry about all this that I wonder off into talking about the world and move away from cleaning up the emotions and feelings, as my own accepted and allowed separations, which must be done to enable me to walk through the valley of this shadowy earth with a clarity of myself as what is real, life, where no emotion and feeling and thought exists, as this is my indicators of separation from myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed with organizing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I am juggling too many things, where the juggling become a burden and knot as I crash and fall in emotion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I can only do things one step at a time, and that within this I bring myself here one and equal to what is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that walking this is a burden.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the character of “ I have too much to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this idea of “ I have too much to do” to become an emotion of self pity as I start to compare myself to what I have been taught is how I should be, where I go into the whole “ how i am supposed to be as an image as a woman within a system where women need men, when what needs be done has nothing to do with this entertaining romantic ideology as what is supposed to be imposed as belief onto what I am actually as life here in this moment being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that in wanting and believing myself to need this emotion of romance, to have the qualities of what I believe I lack as a female, to move within my world, I am comparing myself to an idea, and thus eliminating my own expression and the joy of myself as life here, in abdication of myself as life into and as idea and belief of how I should appear, taking on moralities in separation from this physical, actual, real world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a movie in and as my mind where I turn all my worries and fears, my wants and desires into and as a cast of characters all interacting with one another and playing a crying role only of what they are, instead of bringing this all back to self as pointing out to each character that they are me in separation from myself and that divided we fall, united we stand  and that we are all equal and one, acting in fear, becoming separate from life from here, allowing an emotional storm, the personification of separation and thus a cast of characters defending their own wants, needs and desires, a war as a protection defense mechanism as the drama in and as what I allow myself to exist as.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my feeling of being overwhelmed is my self not looking at what is physical actually here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my feeling of being overwhelmed is my self wanting to fulfill an image.

I forgive myself for  allowing and accepting myself to believe there is something I must achieve.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is in the being of myself here, that within and as the directiveness of myself here as breath is where I can take a step.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to maintain myself within and as breath here, in every moment.

I commit myself to stopping and breathing in each moment to begin to sense anxiety, realizing that my anxiety of myself  is feeling I am unable to deal with this physical world.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, to bring myself here, to notice and forgive all thoughts, emotions and feelings, as the smoke screen, as the movie in and as my mind, that is the separation from myself here as life.

I commit myself to breathing, to seeing the defenses I accept and allow to push away anything that does not fit into my me morality as what was learned to accept or reject as I judge what is here based on moralities of class and culture, race and faith, where I do not see the physical reality of what is here.

I commit myself to breath, to living and being thankful through an action of accepting what is here as the physical world, with which I am one and equal, and remaining within and as breath, to bring all characters back to life as life.

I commit myself to slowing myself down in and as breath when ever anxiety as feeling overwhelmed, emoting overwhelmedness  becomes myself as mind here.

I commit myself to becoming one and equal in and as breath, here.

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

The Soul of Money

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite