Day 360 Self forgiveness cont. Lesser self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the movement of life here, to fear standing up an facing limitation
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become knowledge and information only, forgetting to realize practical application using the directive of what is best for all, enjoying here, equal and one, having no expectation as I can only remain here in one breath at a time.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here from the physical here from making, allowing, the mind as idea, belief and opinion to become bigger than life here than the physical here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to constrict in my back and into my legs
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am less than, to feel that I am incapable, to believe that I am a limitation to feel that I cannot use words, to have thoughts that there is an end and then it is over.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have distractive thoughts such as wanting to go and get a cup of coffee, to go and watch a TV show
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand moving myself here
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be moved through coercion. to become intimidated/intimate with an ideological polarity using opposition as either/or as the only choice of which I must accept where I must stop and breath, and slow down and bring back to self as life in common sense, to realize that such cannot direct me unless I accept and allow this, of which a fear within and as me, of loss is an underlying threat I allow as fear and within this to stop and see the supposed choice as illusion, and thus not a choice as there is only one choice and that is what is best for all of which is what is best for myself thus the answer is always right here in front of me as me as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become nervous to have expectations of outcome
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how much I project into expectations in the form of imagining the future
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine an outcome to play out scenarios in and as my mind within an undertone of expectation towards an idea of success, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am creating a script to follow based on ideas and not standing equal and one with what is here, even when there is separation into and as idea in and as the survival suit of another where all that can be as the words that I am in response to here, as a human moving as mind in slow motion clinging to ideas, beliefs and opinions, stagnant and thus in separation from the space of here as the physical as the substance of life that supports all that is here as what is real.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that becoming a lesser self as this act of projection in and as desire, want and need, based on a morality of culture, class, nationality, as being directed by comparison via such limited but not necessarily all “ bad”, where this allowing of judgement as good and or bad determined by selective dictates as the limited bubble of personifications as collections of manifested and accepted ideologies as self maintenance to present myself and place myself on a ladder of access to what has been allowed to determine life, as money, and to have allowed myself to chase this as life instead of placing myself on this earth as this ground on which I stand here as life, be there a god after this or not, what is here is what is supporting me, thus the ideas, beliefs and opinions as more-thans and less-thans are extremely limited and thus separate myself from what is all soooo real, as the actual physical world, as earth as the trees and the plants and the animals and the water and and and all the way to the micro-nutrients in the soil.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the process of consciousness as mind is a play out in imagination of building a survival suit, where if this suit does not provide as in conquering/con cure with the system of inequality I face death of myself physically this that started with myself fearing to lose an idea of myself inwardly, thus this suit is ideology as belief of what is needed to access money within the game of division into more than and less than which is each self as man not accepting here as self as life as moving with the actual physical world communicating with what is here as how the physical functions in form, the nature of which is revealed in the very form as the shape of the sound of the form as the physical, whereas my survival suit answers to the systemic hierarchy placed on earth by man displacing an inherent organizational capacity of men, into a system that represents an abdication of self as life here choosing an idea of self as being more, not wanting to then align self to here, which is a separation and thus an ignorance of life, of looking at how self is formed from as this that is equal in all that is physically here is of same starting point as being from nothing to form, to expression, and as this there is nothing that can be lost as it is the expression of self as life that is the value, and this system of hierarchy that uses money to maintain this is the outward manifestation of an inward forgetfulness of starting point of self from nothing to something where “ something “ is expression in and as life, this being the value and the flow, where alignment with such would mean an end to the limited stagnant behaviors of separation that one need only open a newspaper to read, to see, to realize that what exists on earth is a system of inequality that has created a suppression of life, this that it is time to put an end to to clean up this world, to get this world in order, functioning as it was meant to function as the gift of life that it is, which can be done by men through standing up and removing the idol of corporation, the golden cow, the false survival suit through changing the tool of money that built this false god into Equal Money, to give as one would like to receive and equalize self to and as life as what self is as this corporation confuses with a forked tongue, using truths coupled into a form that is acting in self interest and thus is in separation as it believes itself to be a one organizing hand which is to say this is lacking a detailed look at physical reality with common sense, as the actions of such corporations disregard life and make judgements that collateral damage of life is necessary when this is an ignorance and a separation into relatives of judgement as a more than- the spoke in the wheel- removed from absolute awareness of what is here as the very substance of what is the composition of here as life, that which is same in all, where since this is same, this substance can be developed in each one to allow each one each hand, each hoof, each claw, each tongue, each tail, each scale, each fin, each cell to be the expression of itself as life as the form of itself being the expression of itself and thus working with the physical in self responsibility as life, as all disconnect from this is separation causing limitation and when made authoritative, the voice of limitation and thus the cause of destruction, the manifestation of ignorance with consequence of abuse to life, of which is what exists on earth, for which we are all to blame. period. unacceptable. a crime.

Day 359 The lesser self: thoughts as beliefs.

One of the things i noticed when I realize I projected a lesser self to fit in because i feared being myself was a thought that “ I don” know where to go” and then I allowed this to become huge and thereby making the thought as a belief as a problem another means of not facing here.

Within this, there are tools: a principle of what is best for all, common sense, self forgiveness of the limitations accepted as belief opinion and idea and the correction of this into what would be best for all that is here on earth, to investigate and use what supports all life, as being that which is good.

THis is another thought dimension of what lead to a lesser self that I accepted and allowed because I feared being self honest, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being myself here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i do not know where to go, to have the thought that I do no know where to go within moving myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anxious within the idea that i do not know where to go here in and as this being myself not using my common sense of what works and what does not work in relation to actually physically moving myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself here, to not see, realize and understand through self forgiveness and self corrective application within the principle of what is best for all what i reject within and as allowing myself to become a judgement of one thing being more than another and thus allowing myself to believe that something can be lost and as such rejecting the life that is here, that is the substance of what is here as a gift of life, thus there is nothing here that is less than and so to be feared, what is here that is abusive is a consequence of and from a starting point of judgement as one thing being more than another, thus the abuse on earth, and the abuse I have allowed within limiting myself as life, is a separation from life, an ignorance of life, where I have hidden from myself as the disease of reaction to life within judgement within one thing being more than another separating from a directive principle as myself as life and as such allowing myself to lose an ease with life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I project as guide is what I reject and seek which consumes me, which is my own accepted and allowed separation that then consumes my attention as I seek this that i have separated within myself believing this to be what i lack, and what i am as how I label myself is the limitation that I stubbornly refuse to let go, or align within and as life here, as I believed a lesser self would enable survival, as hiding from myself meant I did not have to face what I feared which was myself and what I had accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how in taking the low road or the high road I was in fact diminishing myself as life here believing there was such a choice where the only road was that which included all life, which is a principle as that which is best for all, as this includes all life and thus does not diminish life in any way, for which my human physical body is a means to become one and equal within and as walking the only road to life, as life, being one and equal here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that such a task is impossible that I cannot become one and equal with and as life here, as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be limited, as though being equal and considerate of what is here would mean the loss of myself here, when this is just the opposite of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the consumerist platform feeds my lesser self, my diminished self, my “ I don’t want to face myself as life here “ self” as this means taking the steps necessary to understand life here in the physical, to learn to direct myself equal and one with and as my physical body and this physical existence, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe what is sold by consumerism as this is a directive within a lesser means of expression, limited within dimension and awareness of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase an idea of a more than believing that there is no hope for mankind as man ignores the natural world in placing profit before life, which is a total disrespect for life, a total disregard for life, a total lack in sensibility of the physical which means a total separation from the very substance in and as what we are, what supports us which means I have not learned to use and be what i am as life as the starting substance that is the very building expression of what i am here, which is to say, if I am not equal and one within being aware of this how can I understand life, understand the physical, thus my lack of understanding is equal to my separation from life here, is equal to the lessening of myself as life as what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there have been times in myself when I changed in an instant from reaction as anger to suddenly realizing that such anger was pointless as it served no purpose, and within this I became calm and much more directive thus emotional reactions based on ideas, on morality, are a delusion as this is believing one thing to be more than another, an idea made into a label, an idol, a false “ god” as what is here, as the physical and how the physical world works is only that which is real, and thus what is here right in front of me as the physical is what can only be dealt with as myself being here, considering what supports here as the physical absolutely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe myself to be a victim, as this is a fear that something can be lost, and if I look I remain, here, and thus the only choice is to direct myself within and as what is best for all here.

Day 356 The lesser self imagination as projection reacting to self judgement.

I have a person staying at my house. I have noticed that they basically have two “ Moods” one is “ dark/closed/vacuous” and the other is lively/smiley/happy.
It’s like, “ who are we today, what face cometh forth? So this perspective I took back to myself. On one side, the negative polarity, I fear failing, I fear rejection, I fear saying the wrong thing, I fear being seen, I fear having to speak up, I fear being ignored, I fear losing what i have. On the other I realize I become authoritative, busy, officious, proud. It is like this is how I project myself as what I have learned to be of purpose within what organizes and is the way to take care of my life. But the values of this as the being of myself within the negative face, the emotional face, is so busy with itself as its’ nature that it does not stop and look here in common sense. The positive “ directive” personification has a whole set of rules about how to be organized and efficient. It is not to ignore some of these guidance structures, as the remediation within what worked and what did not work is fine, but it is to not take this personally - or to label another within such a way also- but to use this to realize what works that prevents a mistake and to reflect where the mistake was not being self as life, meaning in equal consideration of all life, which means using this actual physical world and becoming aware of what works and that perhaps what created any friction and conflict was a self interested desire that rejected and neglected equal consideration as in loving your neighbor as yourself, which means being patient with a neighbor when they are acting in self interest! It is the being of self in self interest within limited consideration that the existent system is one of inequality and that the physical world is what supports us in form and function that is the mis-take, not the person, as the person is capable of understanding life, it might take some time, but there is no other choice, as we all know that anger and stress as fear of loss, the byproducts of inequality supported by unequal distribution of what supports and allows self responsible development physically and mentally , does not a state of health create.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from a common sense of what is best for all in and as myself as life to judging myself as a failure, to believing myself to be incapable of looking here, to feeling less than in reaction to a reaction of separation from life as the voice of blame and spite and judgement within and as the world I was raised where some values were made bigger than others to suit survival in a pyramid scheme that is the outward manifestation of an inward self abdication of life as myself and every other human on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I created a personification of values, as belief, opinions and ideas, to suit myself to be ready to survive as I hid from myself as life, into and as energy as consciousness , a lesser self, a divided self , and then became automatic within and as this, thereby creating a restlessness within and as me as I was not utilizing myself as life and as such became disquiet in and as myself within into a nervous maintenance of constantly checking the limited order of myself I had created as a lesser self and within this lived a restlessness that had a sense within that somehow the promise of my choices, as ideas learned as a child, did not materialize, and yet it was not the existence in many aspect that was good or bad, it was the limitation that withheld a full sensation and interaction with life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have inner conversations that were concerned with ideas as to how I was supposed to be as a woman, as a wife, as a female, as a teacher, as social interaction where I did not consider the physical world and the lives of others on earth as the plants and the animals and the soils and the rocks and the water of this earth as I considered only the human societal structure and the proper perspective of keeping a ‘ peace” within this limited interaction that in totality as mankind , was in separation from being one and equal in consideration of all material things that are of this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how what is here is a sound of life, meaning a movement in and as life, and as such, when in separation causes a friction and conflict with here as it has no real substance to hold onto of which self as life is composed, meaning there is no “ holding” to seek, and thus loses ground and becomes reactive, which can only be directed within the principle of what is best for all as all that is here is of the sound of life, and therefor can only be life when allowing life here, thus any destruction and or killing of life cannot be life, as the only choice is to allow life, as this is an action of understanding life, in all forms, even those people and children, plants and animals, sands and soils in the middle east, thus to bomb a country is not an act of supporting life, of allowing life, and thus is an act against life, as all acts that are of destruction are acts of friction and conflict, which is an indication of a separation from common sense of how the physical world functions and such is acrime against life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the simplicity of this, and that it is the friction and conflict as a state of being in and as energy, in and as ego, in and as consciousness, as actions of blame and spite, of destruction and disregard that is an extreme state of disease as in fearing a loss, fearing death, that builds a complication when not addressed that develops consequences that take over the directive of ourselves as life in trying to fix the consequence that was created because of a separation from life, from equal consideration of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my back chat in and as my mind is the voice of trying to fix the consequence of my own accepted and allowed separation from life only trying to solve within a scenario of pros and cons within limited associations as human society without regard to all life, of which no solution can be found.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how much I listen to the consequence of my separation from life, as the voices of more than and less then being in answer to the consequence of my separation instead of seeing the catch 22 for what it is, this division from life that is myself judging here as what is less than and the means to a more than as the positive, this being in a state of friction an conflict weighing options within limited means, where no answer can be found as the only answer is within and as equality and oneness with and as life, which means being equal and one with all that is here, as the plants and the animals and the trees, and the soils and the water, that none of this can be owned as it is in totality a composition of life here, and thus is the way and means to being life, so destruction of this in any way is inequality with and as life here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that all reactive expression are of energy and thus cannot touch me unless I accept and allow them, as I am life, as I can stand within and as the directive principle as what i am and become equal and one with and as life in accepting what is here as earth as all on this earth and directing myself within equal consideration as the principle of what is best for all, as what always brings friction and conflict as judgement and fear of loss back to what supports absolutely through understanding how the physical human body functions as consciousness, through explaining how here works, as what is here is many forms in expression of life, and that these forms can be seen realized and understood, it is the separation from self as the sound of life being in full capacity as individual and collective common sense of same substance as what is that which is the basis of all life on this earth and all of existence.

Day 354 The lesser self Fear dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a shadow self in and as a presence in and as an idea of what I am as a human, as a woman, as my culture, as my venue of expression within a system of inequality determined through and by money, where money determines life, a system we have all accepted and allowed in hopes of, and a belief in there being something more when this presence as idea as there being something more is ourselves fearing to stand equal and one to and as ourselves here as life, as we have allowed ourselves to become a presence, a definition of what we are based on images in relation to something we perceive is outside of ourselves as we are stuck in believing that our creation is more than another, as what we are, when we are of the same substance as all that is here, as the starting point, substance/medium/ source/sound of and as life that is the primary expression of life from nothing, and so I clung to the something from the nothing as a starting point instead of realizing the nothing is everything.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is from nothing to something that is the movement of myself here, that can be lost when I lose myself within and as the principle of being an absolute purpose of life, which is the principle of what is best for all is best for self, where all the parts can only direct themselves within and as the principle of what is best for all, as this is how the expression in and as life maintains itself in and as being life, as form , as design, as in how to move here, thus this presence within and as me, built of relationships in separation of physical reality, of specific understanding of how the physical world works, and the allowed and accepted systemic design of role play defined within borders in and as collective relationships to move self within a limited field of view, not good or bad, but when imposed as non-transparency of how the unit as earth functions absolutely, the parts become unaware of the whole, which is being unaware of self in all aspects of definition as the manifestation of substance revealing how here works where each part can then make practical decisions as to what works within and as what will be best for all, as the whole, thus each part must be allowed, must accept, must come to understand how here works, which can happen through direct democracy, through direct sharing of awareness of here as how here works in ways that support all parts absolutely, which can be done through the present technology within and as words, to begin to comprehend here as how here functions so that each part can stand in awareness of here, from a point of nothingness to life, always cleaning the slate of judgement and looking here at functionality and directing as self as life, as what is best for all as the directive is the expression of life within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe and cling to and associate with in and as ideas as culture as gender role play believing myself to need the oppositesex to direct me here as I had rejected what i did not understand, where it is to work together in equality as life, and to direct within a principle that is the nature in and as life, which is to simply be, where in order to simply be what is, must be allowed to be itself as life here, using what is physically real here as earth to support here one and equal in and as us as what we are, as what i am here, as this is respect for life, and as the physical is life, this means respecting the physical world in allowing what is here to be itself as what it is, and thus any act that suppresses or diminishes what is here as can be seen in the inherent form and function as the very shape and movement of what is here reveals its purpose if looked at without judgement and the borders of limitation that has been accepted and allowed through the way money has come to determine life here, determine what is given or not given, authoring self development into a hierarchy structure that has not considered and started from the point of respecting nothing in something and the something as been considered to be reality when the nothing is just as much reality as the birth of life, into and as an expression, thus the expression as life must be realized as the value.

Day 351 Self Forgiveness of a lesser self. Fear Dimension

I was looking at a memory the other day and I realize that I had reacted to something said to me because of belief in an injustice, as in an accusation made that was not what happened. Yet behind this was something else.
I realized that I was not being myself, but I realized this as myself being a lesser self - so to speak, and I called it my half self. Good or bad that is what I called it. As though within this memory I was aware that I was projecting a less than, a partial sensation of myself. Which is interesting because I did this once when I performed, I actually had a conversation with myself, while on the stage, that I could not put myself into the playing as me, as all of me- the “ all of me” was the sense that I had, which is deciding to be a lesser self - so to speak.
So, it is like hiding oneself from here, to participate with here.
I ask myself why did I do this, why would I choose this?
What comes up at this moment it, because I did not know where else to go. But then, if I am so busy projecting a lesser self, would I have practiced where to go with that which I was not allowing to be?
So I will do forgiveness on this “ hiding character” this acceptance of a lesser self. And I will ask myself what I used to project this lesser self, what ideas I used to generate this lesser personification to the world.

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project a lesser version of myself out onto the world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose to project a lesser self and to not stand back and see, realize and understand why I would choose such a thing to be.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear myself and thus hide behind a lesser/half self in order to get along and go along with this world here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I needed to suppress myself here
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to keep myself occupied through being less than myself, being half of myself, a quarter of myself, an eight of myself here, just to maintain a persona acceptable to here, or so I believed and for this I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept and allow a lesser version, part of myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being other than this lesser self here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how being this lesser self is essentially myself fearing to use the full sense of myself as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear giving up this “ lesser self” for fear that others will find out that i had been doing this all along and thus been a lie, through omitting the “ fullness” of myself for fear that it would be too much , or that it was unacceptable or that this “ full self” did not somehow fit into what was acceptable here, as though it was too much sensation for here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that perhaps I had no idea where to go with this self that was not the lesser self because I had never tried to go anywhere with it.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that suddenly knowing where to go with all of self, from a starting point of discovering a lesser self, might appear , as change , to be something daunting , but so it is when one turns to something new and must deconstruct what has been discovered to be less than.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel shame and loss because of having accepted and allowed a “ lesser” self within and as a belief that this was the way to survive, not seeing realizing and understanding that being a lesser self, cannot possibly be a way to survive, because it denies awareness and is only an act of politicking for lesser self being, as only a part of self is actually being used, thus it is an existence of lack.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have ideas only about how I should appear here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lesson myself with ideas about how i should be based on traditions within culture and race, gender and class to remain within an acceptable norm as the world around me, spending so much time doing this that I never stop to question why such exists and that if I am doing this than the chances are that many, if not all are doing the same, and thus why does this exist, especially if there is more to me than what I am allowing to exist here?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that accepting a lesser self is like living a life in a masked ball, allowing self to be ever vigilant as to whether someone might find out that I am not in fact here as all of me, but just moving along as a projected lesser self using ideas, opinions and beliefs as the lessons learned to participate here within how I perceived the world without standing up and questioning why such existed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I did not know where to go, especially when right there was an awareness that I was being a half self, which meant that the whole self was there all along, and for ignoring this, I forgive myself.