Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 248 Self abdication character

If someone comes to me and starts complaining about something, I always feel a responsibility to solve the problem. And I find I become careful in my choice of words, or judge the other as not being capable of hearing what I really want to say. Some of this I withhold is based on the morality I learned, some is considered socially to be too harsh, and some I believe would be considered undoable  as I have been lead to/allowed to believe.
Since, I have started to look at all that is here, as what is accepted and allowed in this earth, I speak up more about it. I am not here to speak of this so much, it is what i become in wanting to solve and help, and this presence of fear should I say things that upset another, where I am really just fearing losing a definition of myself within an accepted limited design of myself. This character of being a problem solver, or compassionate ear, does not consider all of existence, does not consider what sustains life, what stabilizes life, what equalizes others into and as an awareness of the physical and how the mind functions within this. Standing steady and stable here, without hope of gain or fear of loss, just remaining here, within becoming aware of life, as in applying what works within what is best for all, within what stands eternally.
So, when I am apprehensive about speaking up with another, I become nervous. It is like having to break free from some kind of chain. I noticed this same inner experience onetime when I went against everyone in my immediate physical world, and investigated a health practice outside the mainstream medicine world, I was shaking as I attempted this, and I did this alone. I decided, after I read a lot about it, that it was worth it, and since there was no support, I did it myself. Maybe it was not the best idea - well it worked- but here, I am talking about the behavioral action within myself, that of fear.
I also have to realize it takes practice to stand through this. Within the social context I am referring to here, I notice a character of fearing how others will react, where I become separate from a common sense of the physical world, and go into a value judgement of more than and less than based on a self interested desire within some fuzzy logistical idea of an image of myself. In an image of myself I lose sight of what is real and I end up on a roller coaster measuring my worth - like there is another person inside myself for whom I must consider maintaining an alignment within my societal context, which means I accept what exists as a social construct.
I think of South American democratically elected leaders, who are immediately threatened should they change the status quo of resource ownership and use within their countries, where the actual physical people, plants and animals are considered second to profit for a few. A gross abuse of life into more than and less than scenarios as outcomes, a form imposed on this earth that does in no way create stability, equality, and sustainability. Thus, within myself, I allow the same when I in any way only consider my own survival without application within considering all life. Within all this, I realize, the life in myself cannot be in full potential as life, until all life on this planet is equal to itself as life, is stable, is allowed to be self sustaining. Serving the lesser and the greater, as those that have more, divides myself, separates the focus of myself on an inner “scale” of beingness, and it is known that untied we stand divided we fall - which is used nationally and now must be realized globally within the context of the whole, as earth, all that is of earth, and no longer applied within the bubbled walls of borders, as this creates self interest and greed. It is only here, that what is eternal will be real eyes d, Thus, what is best for all is the only directive, and within this, patience and humility, as any action not standing within this is a relapse into separation, as ego, as a moral compass as a method of operation based on the fairy tales, the consumerist/materialist, imperialist capitalistic approach taught, all promoters of more than and less than beliefs; super heros and damsels in distress, leaders and followers, one man nation builders, one man saviors from another world, all of this drawing attention away from here, reality, the physical, this a mind of separation, a mind/physical relationship of me more eyes within fantasy, this staged play a diversion tactic from real eyes on the physical and feet placed firmly on the ground.

The slings and arrows of misfortune are not solved through the taking away of the slings and arrows alone, it is the focus on what precipitated the desire for these weapons that must be addressed as the need for defense and protection is a performance of division. Within myself I must stand as life, or all relationships will be lost, or never fully lived, as life is fully lived with total inclusion of all existent, of which the physical is the source, thus a fantasy in and as my mind as images is my self inFEARior to life, having adhered to divisions within rules of self interest creating a border to defend, an imagined line, in separation from life, here, as what all earth is.

Thus, when I care, and these words came up as I walked a memory from my childhood - “ I care” - I realize I turned and acknowledged a limitation, and probably it was said to me in the form of a question - creating a quest - “ do you care?’ , “ Why are you not attending to this?” And in my non development within common sense and the demands made within an ignorance of how the mind/physical relationship operates, I began to care as mind and not as myself in common sense of the actual real physical world, that which is equal in all, needing no borders: nationally, socially, locally, which is not to say that everything is the same all over this world, as differing climates and resourcesworking in tandem with the earth require varying methodologies. An example that comes up, is that within some climates it is better to wear as few clothes as possible, and in others covering is necessary. So if people from the differing needs travel from one environment to another, and are suddenly uncomfortable with the change in dress, having projected beliefs that ignore the physical scenario as the environment, what has happened is a separation from physical awareness and imposed beliefs made tradition instead of what is real, the physical world. If the tradition of dress is imposed on those in the climate that does not necessitate this, this is soley based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, and is an ignorance of the physical world. This is hedonism in that it imposes the sense of another out of contest as the physical as what is real.

So, if I remain within societal norms, as beliefs, opinions and beliefs without looking at the whole, as the structures of money movement, belief, opinion and ideas developed, and traditions ignorant of here, the actual physical, I serve the division and not the whole, even when, as how the mind works, the focus remains within self interest without wanting to see all the factors of division within the present system of inequality.

So, when I have a thought that i care, as in taking on the cares of another, and I have to speak through and up within the limited insight present, I will have to use an awareness of what has been accepted and allowed as divisions made a norm, and stand through them, even when met with an inability, as a lacking of common sense, of the physical, of becoming equal and one in and as the physical being what is real, here, to give consideration to the physical and thus to realize that what exists as divisions has not been realized as a separation from life. So, what is eternal is what is best for all, and if all are standing within this, then what is eternal is lived by all, as this is life, the very substance of the physical.

When I talk with another, my adherence to their belief, is my fear of losing the relationship physically, thus I apply a sense of the physical, and move as mind as belief, opinion and idea. And if I have become comfortable with the beliefs, opinions and ideas, meaning I have directed myself as these, without looking at the physical world in common sense then, I will never find a solution and only end up serving a limited outcome, or existing in conflict as differing traditions or limited viewpoints held onto as being real, supersede the physical reality as mind, as what is taught, as what is feared to be let go of in common sense of the actual real, physical world which is as much life as the human, the plant the animal. In the end, it is like we have this system that says, this atom is more than that atom, which makes absolutely no common sense. Thus the human has become an idolizer of secondary pictures as form, as how the mind works, and is divided into less than as this as non-contextual traditions, in separation from what is real and equal in all, this physical world. 

So, I notice within myself a desire to not look at being here facing this separation, as wanting to go and occupy myself with doing this or that,
with a fear of losing a societal relationship, forgoing what is real, as the actual physical world
as giving up caring about something, where the care I give is within a strategy of holding onto a relationship. Meaning I do not need to defend this idea of a relationship, this picture of a relationship, as a tradition within “friendship.” What is real, as the physical and what is best for all as this, allowing the physical forms that are here to become strong and autonomous within their self expression and awareness of what is best for all is best for self.

I will walk these two points, which are procrastination and allowing myself to focus on a fear of losing a relationship or allowing a relationship to define me and thus losing common sense. As I write, I realize both are a self abdication character.

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