Day 75 The checklist of values in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I cannot speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am unworthy of speaking because I have not convinced others of the reality of this world

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that people would come up to me and tell me how wonderful and talented I was at the violin, and I would say to them, it has nothing to do with talent, anyone could do this, it takes practice and about 10,000 hours of work and even then, which was before desteni, they would look at me and repeat what they had said, thus, this is a clear indication of programming and limited insight, and in reality there is no clearer way to say what I said, so perhaps - though I need to work on what i say- it  is not that I have failed, it is that if one listens to ideas and knowledge and information, as what we are lead to believe, it is difficult to hear anything else.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that just as it took time to program the human to believe it is all about talent and not self direction, it takes time to  change what has been programmed into myself as a human.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand , that even today, as I was out on the road , I started to look at homes and go through a check list in my mind, to “check off” what was nice about this home, even down to the way the yard was landscaped, all based on what i have been taught to “look for” and judge as being OK, or plain, or ratty, or messy, or boring etc.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that even if I stop and realize that I am doing this, it is programmed into my flesh and thus, will need self forgiveness to deprogram.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I have become a walking checklist, making comparisons incessantly according to the values within my family culture.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my “checklist of criteria” are meant to sustain my cultural value system, where I am so busy doing this, I do not have time to take a good look at what is happening all over this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I find myself going into make believe stories, where all the criteria of my value “check list’ are placed in this imaginary story.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that  even though I can see that each of us is able to develop ourselves as life, there is still a program where I want to save the world, realizing in common sense that the solution to saving this world is to allow each person to become equal and one as themselves to life, a process each must walk into and as self discovery as life, and that this can be no other way, so that the inequality that exists on this earth never happens again.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to fantasize using the checklist of the values and morality of my family and past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not immediately stop my mind from doing this, where still I find myself already through the introduction to my fantasy before I realize what I am accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reprimand myself with  a curse and a self judgement and instead to simply say stop and focus once again on breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like this process is impossible when I can hear an “undercurrent” of self pity wanting to have a voice within and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have inner conversations where I compare and check off criteria based on what i have been taught is right and wrong.

I commit myself to focusing on breath and stopping the inner conversations in and as my mind from allowing myself to focus on ideas, beliefs and opinions that adhere to supporting a life in a bubble where all life is not considered.

I commit myself to not allowing and accepting myself to have inner conversations where I validate the morality that I have been taught within a system that does not consider the care for all life equally.

I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here in and as breath, and to realize I have no idea who I am, as all I am is a set of values taught within a system that has not considered all life equally.

I commit myself to slowly but surely stopping the mind, and remaining here in and as breath, to birth myself as life into the physical so that life can begin.

I commit myself to no longer reprimanding myself for the voices I catch myself becoming in and as my mind, and to simply say stop and from here to focus on my breath.

I commit myself to breath, to only speak when that part of myself that says stop, has something to say, and not to go into a response based on knowledge and information and to be diligent as myself as adding an emotional value as the words I speak and say.

I commit myself to being diligent within existing as giving emotional values to words as “right and wrong,” want, need and desire.

Self awareness steps for the Elite - This means YOU.

The voices in the head.

Life Review - What If?

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Day 68 Pondering as mind is experience as relationships

Day 68 Pondering as mind is experience as relationships

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ponder in and as the mind, where if I return to breath, I can see, and understand what it is I am allowing myself to exist as.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as viewing my accepted and allowed behaviors in relation to past experiences that I superimpose onto later experiences that are also of the past, where I do not allow myself to simply look at my own behaviors that were not self directive within the principle of oneness in equality and  let it go.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, see and understand that all I can be is here, with what is physically here, walking within and as the principle of what is best for all, as anything else is simply a dream of the mind in separation from what is here and the being of myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing up and speaking as what is best for all regardless of the harsh irritations I may receive as response, which I need not fear as I have faced them many times, and often the person walks away or stops and realizes what they have just done, which is  to have reacted in a limited way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fold over and over again experiences of the past , to stand within this and stop, to move on, to say to myself no more, this is not what is here, practically physically here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all mind back chat is in accordance - in a cord/bound dance- to a system of limited design where I have been conditioned to fear opposing the group; the group itself bound to survival behaviors as rushing around trying to fit into the image and likeness of what has become a “god” within society - accepted and allowed by the human- as the qualities of supposed perfection as seen in advertising, in order to be considered more than another, all based on survival.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that in giving up myself to limited ideas that serve a profit based system, I am in fact saying that i am not responsible for what exists and perpetuate the abuse through giving myself up to what I know is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I have failed within this present system and thus this is why I want the world to change, which is the mind not wanting to die.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad that there is a lack of ability for people to communicate, where I blame myself as this as well, and within this realize that whether this is true or not, this perceived lack of ability within myself to communicate, the solution is to keep walking and practicing communication, as the opposite will lead no where and feeling sorry for myself is just “feeling sorry” for myself as this is existing within an emotional polarity of more than and less than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that any unhappiness I may feel has nothing to do with anyone other than myself, in and as where I happen to live, yet, where I realize those living in places where the land beneath their feet is being raped for the profit of a few, are the ones experiencing, physically, a state of abuse and pain and thus have been raped of their expression as life, where the expression of life, as life is what real love is.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that anything that is in my mind, is back chat, the perpetual abdication of myself as life, my accepted and allowed separations into a belief that I have failed, a belief that “it was not my fault,” a belief that “it is impossible,” a belief that “if somehow I look at what happened again and again and again” I will somehow find a solution within the imagery - that is of the past - an experience-  when this has never happened, as all I do is spin around in a movie and do not live an actual directive that considers what is best for all, and within this, an image in and as my mind is not something that I can practically live as it is an image and thus not real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize emotions and feelings I have become addicted to and have been taught are the proper stance to exist as, as my self personification in and as woman, where I, within my mind imagery, seek solutions that “fix” the outcome of what it is that I am pondering to make myself feel better about myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that this is myself going on a emotional feel good journey where nothing is solved and all I am doing is getting an energetic fix.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize this addiction to wanting to “fix “ things, which is a control mechanism,  does not allow the people that may be involved to self direct, as I am creating conditions in and as my mind, in make believe, that I believe will resolve what is perceived to be imperfect, thus I exist as ideas and beliefs and opinions to impose on another instead of being here in this moment directing myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that what is best for all is what allows a self directed movement by another, where I gain nothing, as support, as what actually exists is the other supporting themselves as life, and thus enabling myself to become myself as life, within this I realize that oneness in equality cannot be what is on this earth until all are able to be what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I have walked as mind for so long it will take time for me to stand up as myself, to be able to speak as the living word.

I forgive myself for not realizing breath in every moment, where i have days that I focus on breath and then days where I realize I have once again separated myself from being aware of breath, one and equal as breath, realizing that breath is life, here, being in and as the physical, that which is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated as I interact with my world, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of back chat that exists as my mind, where I compare one thing to another, where I judge something as nice, or ugly, all limited as they do not consider an accepted and allowed system of inequality and the abdication of the human as being self directed with in the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to re-member myself to breath in every moment, living and breathing the principle of what is best for all, which is common sense of how this physical world works, and within this continue to read about how this world functions and what is being accepted and allowed that is abusive to life - as seen through so many living in extreme situations of lack.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have imaginings of the future, which is myself in fear of the future and thus myself trying to placate myself as to the future, where I cannot know what will be in the future, and the ideas I impose onto the future, to prepare myself for the future, will not be what the future will manifest as, thus will I set myself up for disappointment and rejection of what presents itself, and within this rejecting life.

I commit myself to stopping what comes up in and as my mind, to realizing it is my fear of judgment by others, and a fear of loss, where I am capable of using my common sense and directing my self forward.

When and as any thought comes up in and as my mind, I stop and I breath as this thought is only showing me what I fear, and it is based on what I have been taught to believe is how I should be, what I should be, and who I should be in relation to limited personifications, as energetic outplay, in separation of myself here as life, and so small and insignificant it is no wonder the nature of thought is of an infinite loop swinging back and forth in perpetuity.

I commit myself to breathing and stopping all thoughts through realizing a thought, an emotion, and a feeling are all based on a polarity of more than or less than, based on an idea as a desire in relation to survival - based on a system of inequality, and thus serve no purpose in allowing myself to become one and equal to my human physical body where I am one with life, as the physical is what is real.

I commit myself to breath, to realizing all thoughts are myself in separation from being here, where I direct myself to walk into and as, one and equal to what is physically here, instead of what is a melodrama of loss and desire, of more than and less than,  an alternate reality that is inconsiderate of this physical world and thus an act of destruction through pretending something does not exist because one has believed oneself to be more than for so long what is real can not longer be seen.

I commit myself to realizing that all emotion, thought and feeling is actually direction AWAY from what is here, what is real, this physical world, and that once i realize this, in and as every breath, all thoughts emotions and feelings  will be realized for what they are, a tiny spec in which man is lost in separation from what is the gift of life, this physical world.

I commit myself to stopping the mind as being here one and equal to this physical world.

Creation's Journey to Life

Earth's  Journey to Life