Day 127 Standing vulnerable

Day 127

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being vulnerable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being placed in a vulnerable position.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing reactions within becoming vulnerable, meaning that speaking up as myself would mean exposing myself, meaning taking the pose of myself within expected character responses out of the equation and allowing myself to speak up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear what allowing myself to be vulnerable might bring.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as within so without, and thus within this, the responses in confusion and anger are myself, and thus must be walked in the same manner through consequence and forgiven to and towards what is here as what is best for all, as what is physically real and not in separation as thoughts, emotions and feelings in and as the mind, as the mind is the indicator of where self fears becoming a directive principle of what is best for self.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as I within and as myself must accept what I have accepted and allowed as emotions, feelings and thoughts, and thus allowed myself to begin the process of realizing my own emotions, feelings and thoughts are indicators of my accepted and allowed separations, so must I realize this for what it is in others, and thus allow myself to be vulnerable within facing separations from what is physically real and  hear the justifications as fear of self as life for what they are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that in avoiding becoming vulnerable I hold a belief that I am less than the thoughts, and emotions and feelings of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  fear my own reactions in the face of allowing myself to become vulnerable.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my fear is a laziness and a procrastination in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all I am facing is/are storms in teacups and not what is physically practically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is only ego that fears being exposed within becoming vulnerable, and ego is fearing the loss of a belief, opinion and idea.

I commit myself to realizing that in becoming vulnerable I face the storm head on, and within this that nothing can be lost as I give myself to the storm of emotions, thoughts and feelings and walk within the principle of what is best for all, as this is life.

I commit myself to realizing that the storm of emotions, thoughts and feelings clouding the atmosphere/at most fear of this earth can only be dispersed through forgiveness and directed through corrective application as and within the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and all that does not support what is best for all is not what I am as life.

I commit myself to forgiving my past as it is not what is here.

Related articles

• Day 124 Bearing no witness to what is real.
• Day 111 Love is the admission of fear
• Day 120 The voices of the past.
• Day 126 Don't tell me I can't - Character
• Day 121 The stop sign.

Day 124 Bearing no witness to what is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that following emotions, thoughts and feelings that bear no witness  to how this physical world actually functions will become a storm of insanity, unsanitary, as in being against life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to look, see and understand how money in fact functions within and as this world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the present system if based on survival and competition, as money determines who lives and who dies, thus money has become the support of life on this earth, disregarding actual life itself, as it only considers what is profitable as this is the law, in separation from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that talking with organic robots that follow without investigation of what is being followed will demand repeated direction within being told to investigate how this present system works, in detail, in order to begin to understand what is in fact existent within a system that does not consider that the value is life, and that the use of money to represent resource within a capitalistic system, where capital is accepted as life sustenance, what has in fact been ignored is life, the substance being used, as what is primary, to create a secondary starting point that determines life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that education is the means to place the imposition of ideas, belief and opinions that are in separation from life, and that this separation must be forced, which means that what is here must be molded through a forced separation, and thus what is here is forced into a limited system, which begs the question as to why a belief that the human cannot change is even considered to be what is real, as the human is changed during the first seven years of existence through forced means, thus does the human contradict itself every time the statement, “it is human nature” is spoken, as this is a statement in separation from life, and the following of an idea taught within a system of inequality, as a system of profit and competition would teach such a belief to support itself, to divide and conquer what life was in the child, a forced conquering, in order to support what is a fear of life, this that has never been, as all that has ever been is fear, and thus what has been created is an earth atmosphere ( at most fear).

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent in which, as a being and therefor as the very substance of life, how much I am a creator within the totality of what I am as life, where life is me, and thus the source as creation, which I am as I am life and therefor one and equal as life to what is in fact here as creation, thus I am the creation of what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own addictions to my own paths of separation as my emotions, feelings and thoughts are the indicators of my separations, my addictions to what I have not faced in and as myself in common sense of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not trust myself as life, to utilize breath and the principle of what is best for all, as I have become an addiction of self righteous anger and frustration instead of remaining here in common sense of myself as life, as what is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow myself down with and as breath to allow myself to exist with patience instead of believing I need to have an answer, where if I believe I need to have an answer, I am already in separation from life in and as being an ego in want, as this is what ego is in fact, a separation as energy as directive, myself not listening to myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something to win, where there is nothing to win, as the gift is given, the gift as self as life one and equal as this physical world, thus what I am, as life, needs nothing given, as the value, as life, is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself, as this is the back chat in and as the mind, as the voices in my head that are what has been taught/forced in childhood by patents of like mind as belief, opinion and idea in separation from self as life. enslaved to a system of capitalism that does not value life, as what is valued is profit, as is the law, that a corporation must make a profit, which is placing value on money before life.

When and as I see reaction within and without I stop and I breath.

When and as I exist within and as reaction, I stop and I breath and I look to what is accepted as belief, opinion and idea, that is in separation from what is here, and I speak within common sense of what is supportive of life as what is best for all.

When and as I face complacency and contradiction, I stop and I breath, and I trust myself to speak in common sense of what is best for life, what is supportive of life, within the principle of “give as you would like to receive,” as this is the only choice, as this is life, the action of life, in realization of self as life, life answering as life, here.

When and as I become ego, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down and I answer as myself as life, as what is best for all, walking through all contradictions that are polarities in separation from life.

I commit myself to realizing that all relationships are connected, where the connection is of a starting point of separation from life, as this is the image and likeness of what exists in this earth, manifest as a system of money, where monetary gain is placed before life, as life is not seen as the value and that which is what is real as what is the very substance of what is here.

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Day 105 The passive care actor.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a passive character.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within becoming passive where I allow another to be the director, where I become relative to another and thus passive within and as my self, I allow myself to not be a participant with what is here, but become relative to another.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I give myself to another instead of realizing myself here existing within a absolute living scenario as the moment being an expression as life, where I am absolutely involved, one and equal to what is, in totality being lived.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become the passive character, I am no longer looking at what is here, but sitting back and allowing another to lead.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place myself within the role of passive participant.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this passive participant is choosing to be fed directions instead of actually being present and using awareness as common sense here within the totality of the physical scenario activity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in being a passive participant I am “giving up” myself to another, I am “giving up” myself within common sense and allowing another to give direction as though I believe common sense if something owned by another and not something I have within and as myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is actually no such thing as passive and active, as these are separations into and as ideas as polar opposites, where I have been taught I am either to be one or the other from day one, as for example the classroom, where I am the passive student taking in knowledge and information instead of actively realizing in common sense what the action being given is within the principle of what is best for all, where this passive polarity has no substance as it is where presentation is done passively as idea, opinion and belief within a hypothetical situation and not an actual living scenario where what is presented is practically lived, thus exposure alone within passivity and without action, where passive is the within and active is the without, I have separated myself from being equal within and without.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that many jobs are as passive role play where an active direction is given, and thus as I accept and allow this, I abdicate insight into the whole, into the absolute action as it is consequently lived/played out within and as how it effects others down-the-line within the world, thus all my actions taken from a stance of passivity, effect this world - like a ripple of sound moving outwards as concentric rings effecting all that is on this earth, such is the power of myself, even within a starting point of allowing a passive action within awareness in common sense with an accepted and allowed directive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within this every single act I take effects this world, and thus am I responsible for how this world exists, thus I am responsible for the starvation, the animal abuse, the eco system abuse, the unemployment, all and everything on this earth within and as allowing myself to exist as a passive character that just happens to not have a  spoken word/line within what is actually physically present within my immediate environment which I have accepted as not being responsible as I see my self as not having a “line” to speak as meaning I am no longer “center stage” when in fact all of this world is the “stage.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my passive character is myself believing I have no power in and as common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that in not being allowed to ask questions, a “red flag” should be raised, as what I am in essence being told is to remain passive, which places me within a character of acceptance without question, and suppresses the very life that I am into and as a partial/polarity role.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I was leading an orchestral section and the players behind me were clinging to my every note instead of being there one and equal with the note in common sense it felt like I was responsible for the whole section and placed pressure onto me which sometimes got to me and sometimes did not, and when it did not I noticed that the section tended to also relax, thus I am responsible for myself as judging the passive and the active, yet this is no excuse for anyone or anything in and as this world to not become self responsible where the inner and the outer are one and equal, where passive and active become one and equal, and thus life as heaven on earth can begin, where what is best for all, as best for self, is to be and become the expression of self as life, where want, need and desire are no longer the occupants of the mind, that will only lead to blame as seen with the occupy movement presently existent on earth, where all that is being achieved is blame and spite as it is a passive participant on the side screaming without any actual practical organizational directive "without" action or understanding, in common sense of the structures built by man that are the cause of the effects of allowing a system to be the self response indirectly as directive within money being the directive instead of the value as life, in totality, absolutely being, existentially aware of itself as all as one as equal, here.

I commit myself to realizing that all my thoughts reveal to me where I am not participating here in common sense.

I commit myself to realizing that within this all there is is to be here in this moment within common sense, as this is the inner one an equal to the outer.

I commit myself to realizing that taking in knowledge and information from a passive role renders  knowledge and information as idea, opinion and belief only without any actual directive understanding in practical application and that within this I allow a system of abuse, as I have no actual physical awareness of what practically works as myself, and I am only following directives from a separate passive stance, where I have abdicated my self responsibility and within this if I blame another for what I am, I am in essence existing as a passive character who has never stood up and been self responsible for what presently exists on this earth.

I commit myself to realizing that my passive role play is myself in separation from life.

I commit myself to exposing how passive role play development, without exposure to active/directive participation/interaction has lead to the submission of myself to idea, opinion and beliefs, passively accepted without actual absolute physical directive experience and thus do I allow myself to have a veil placed before my very within and without in separation from life, and for this I can blame no one but myself, here.

I commit myself to realizing the need to become one and equal to what is here, without reaction in fear, but with common sense of all as one as equal, as every action I take creates a cause and effect where the passive action is the cause in separation from the effect of my actions, and until all of life on this planet becomes aware of this, and begins to direct within the principle of what is best for all, is best for self, this world will never become a heaven on earth as what it is meant to be, thus all “ripples” sent through each and every action by each and every “thing” that is of this earth, must “ripple” within what considers all life equally and thus be aware within no division into active and passive self directive capacity as life, as though this can be shut on and off, when this is what one is, life, where this is the absolute value as life manifest as the principle of oneness in equality, as what is best for all is best for life.

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Day 73 The valley of the shadow of death. Emotions and feelings.

 Day 73 The valley of the shadow of death. Emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that emotions are “storms in a teacup” and thus, show me where I am throwing a tantrum and wanting something I believe will solve all the worlds problems when in fact I am existing in and as my mind within a singularity that if I were to get everything my emotional and feeling tantrums desired I would soon find that the gain was short lived and thus nothing of any real value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to emotions and feelings, where if I were to really look at emotions and feelings I would see that when a person is lost within an emotion or feeling it tends to go on and on and on, and the person tends to stay within an emotion and feeling without resolution, and just as I do this as I spin something around in my mind endlessly, I end up nowhere, which is to say, now here, caught in the now of the emotion which is to say I end up nowhere.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and look at what emotions and feelings I am existing as, that are actually like being in a state of vertigo, and unless I pick myself up and direct myself I will be ineffective, and that every time I attempt to pick myself up from within an emotion I notice this feeling of fear and dread, like an ominous presence.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that on some level I am actually totally disgusted with myself for having allowed and accepted myself to become and be emotions and feelings and that I did this to get along, to join the group, to survive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that there are behaviors in men that are unacceptable, and thus to label such behaviors without solution is meaningless, which the human seems to do, to label and then feel grand because a name has been given, when this is an action that does not move beyond a singularity.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that much of what goes on  in the human is giving everything a name and stopping at that, and were we to realize this, as perhaps this is what a false idol is, humanity might actually have learned to see consequence as having more revelation that the object.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that a movement as an action as what a human does that is inconsiderate of life is known as this, and thus there is no reason why there are people on this earth that are starving and being used as sex objects.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that emotions and feelings are my attachments to what I fear losing, and that what I fear losing is an illusion, as what life is is self direction as life, and the things around me that I believe I need to survive/sustain my physical, are all in fact given unconditionally by this earth, thus all the constructs of this world, that do not support this physical world are in fact a crime of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that all emotions and feelings are a fear of myself directing myself as life , here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  that the human gives conditionally, and not as self as life, because if the human gave unconditionally, then there would exist no fear of loss, that daughter and that son would be able to express without need for societal protections, without fear of abuse, without  fear of evil as Christ said, “ though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that it will take a majority, which is little more than half of the people who actually get up and vote, which is not that many in relations to the population, to walk together through the valley of the shadow of death fearing no evil - as this is what the emotions and feelings as storms in teacups actually are - to change this world system to one that supports life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that to change this world into one where every son and every daughter no longer has to walk on an earth that exists as the valley of the shadow of death, is the implementation of an equal money system, to walk of the process to bring heaven to earth. so that life can begin.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as emotions and feelings in separation from myself as life, as allowing and accepting myself as life is to be the principle of oneness in equality, as giving as you would life to receive, where the shadows are but storms in teacups.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that emotions and feelings are self in separation from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that what is here, this physical world is what is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that catering to the emotions and feelings of others, without direction, as they are me and I am them, is to continue the existence of earth as the valley of the shadow of death, which is what much of earth presently exists as.

I commit myself to practicing being directive and forgiving myself to life, to being here, in and as breath.

I commit myself to, when I face an energetic emotion or feeling and any thought that comes up, to forgive myself to life, to the directive of what is best for all, to face the shadows as they are but shadows of life and not myself as life within and as the directive principle of what is best for all, which is my self as life, one and equal.

I commit myself to realizing that there is nothing to lose,  there is not right or wrong, there is only what is best for all, and any excuse is an emotion and or a feeling in separation from life in and as a belief that something can be lost, where the shadows of this earth, as emotions and feelings, are the product of the fires of self separation from life; as within so without - thus is the abuse of this physical world the screams of hell as this physical world burns, consumed through the following by the human of the illusory projections of an invisible god and an invisible hand.

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Day 68 Pondering as mind is experience as relationships

Day 68 Pondering as mind is experience as relationships

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ponder in and as the mind, where if I return to breath, I can see, and understand what it is I am allowing myself to exist as.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as viewing my accepted and allowed behaviors in relation to past experiences that I superimpose onto later experiences that are also of the past, where I do not allow myself to simply look at my own behaviors that were not self directive within the principle of oneness in equality and  let it go.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, see and understand that all I can be is here, with what is physically here, walking within and as the principle of what is best for all, as anything else is simply a dream of the mind in separation from what is here and the being of myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing up and speaking as what is best for all regardless of the harsh irritations I may receive as response, which I need not fear as I have faced them many times, and often the person walks away or stops and realizes what they have just done, which is  to have reacted in a limited way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fold over and over again experiences of the past , to stand within this and stop, to move on, to say to myself no more, this is not what is here, practically physically here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all mind back chat is in accordance - in a cord/bound dance- to a system of limited design where I have been conditioned to fear opposing the group; the group itself bound to survival behaviors as rushing around trying to fit into the image and likeness of what has become a “god” within society - accepted and allowed by the human- as the qualities of supposed perfection as seen in advertising, in order to be considered more than another, all based on survival.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that in giving up myself to limited ideas that serve a profit based system, I am in fact saying that i am not responsible for what exists and perpetuate the abuse through giving myself up to what I know is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I have failed within this present system and thus this is why I want the world to change, which is the mind not wanting to die.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad that there is a lack of ability for people to communicate, where I blame myself as this as well, and within this realize that whether this is true or not, this perceived lack of ability within myself to communicate, the solution is to keep walking and practicing communication, as the opposite will lead no where and feeling sorry for myself is just “feeling sorry” for myself as this is existing within an emotional polarity of more than and less than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that any unhappiness I may feel has nothing to do with anyone other than myself, in and as where I happen to live, yet, where I realize those living in places where the land beneath their feet is being raped for the profit of a few, are the ones experiencing, physically, a state of abuse and pain and thus have been raped of their expression as life, where the expression of life, as life is what real love is.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that anything that is in my mind, is back chat, the perpetual abdication of myself as life, my accepted and allowed separations into a belief that I have failed, a belief that “it was not my fault,” a belief that “it is impossible,” a belief that “if somehow I look at what happened again and again and again” I will somehow find a solution within the imagery - that is of the past - an experience-  when this has never happened, as all I do is spin around in a movie and do not live an actual directive that considers what is best for all, and within this, an image in and as my mind is not something that I can practically live as it is an image and thus not real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize emotions and feelings I have become addicted to and have been taught are the proper stance to exist as, as my self personification in and as woman, where I, within my mind imagery, seek solutions that “fix” the outcome of what it is that I am pondering to make myself feel better about myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that this is myself going on a emotional feel good journey where nothing is solved and all I am doing is getting an energetic fix.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize this addiction to wanting to “fix “ things, which is a control mechanism,  does not allow the people that may be involved to self direct, as I am creating conditions in and as my mind, in make believe, that I believe will resolve what is perceived to be imperfect, thus I exist as ideas and beliefs and opinions to impose on another instead of being here in this moment directing myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that what is best for all is what allows a self directed movement by another, where I gain nothing, as support, as what actually exists is the other supporting themselves as life, and thus enabling myself to become myself as life, within this I realize that oneness in equality cannot be what is on this earth until all are able to be what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I have walked as mind for so long it will take time for me to stand up as myself, to be able to speak as the living word.

I forgive myself for not realizing breath in every moment, where i have days that I focus on breath and then days where I realize I have once again separated myself from being aware of breath, one and equal as breath, realizing that breath is life, here, being in and as the physical, that which is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated as I interact with my world, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of back chat that exists as my mind, where I compare one thing to another, where I judge something as nice, or ugly, all limited as they do not consider an accepted and allowed system of inequality and the abdication of the human as being self directed with in the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to re-member myself to breath in every moment, living and breathing the principle of what is best for all, which is common sense of how this physical world works, and within this continue to read about how this world functions and what is being accepted and allowed that is abusive to life - as seen through so many living in extreme situations of lack.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have imaginings of the future, which is myself in fear of the future and thus myself trying to placate myself as to the future, where I cannot know what will be in the future, and the ideas I impose onto the future, to prepare myself for the future, will not be what the future will manifest as, thus will I set myself up for disappointment and rejection of what presents itself, and within this rejecting life.

I commit myself to stopping what comes up in and as my mind, to realizing it is my fear of judgment by others, and a fear of loss, where I am capable of using my common sense and directing my self forward.

When and as any thought comes up in and as my mind, I stop and I breath as this thought is only showing me what I fear, and it is based on what I have been taught to believe is how I should be, what I should be, and who I should be in relation to limited personifications, as energetic outplay, in separation of myself here as life, and so small and insignificant it is no wonder the nature of thought is of an infinite loop swinging back and forth in perpetuity.

I commit myself to breathing and stopping all thoughts through realizing a thought, an emotion, and a feeling are all based on a polarity of more than or less than, based on an idea as a desire in relation to survival - based on a system of inequality, and thus serve no purpose in allowing myself to become one and equal to my human physical body where I am one with life, as the physical is what is real.

I commit myself to breath, to realizing all thoughts are myself in separation from being here, where I direct myself to walk into and as, one and equal to what is physically here, instead of what is a melodrama of loss and desire, of more than and less than,  an alternate reality that is inconsiderate of this physical world and thus an act of destruction through pretending something does not exist because one has believed oneself to be more than for so long what is real can not longer be seen.

I commit myself to realizing that all emotion, thought and feeling is actually direction AWAY from what is here, what is real, this physical world, and that once i realize this, in and as every breath, all thoughts emotions and feelings  will be realized for what they are, a tiny spec in which man is lost in separation from what is the gift of life, this physical world.

I commit myself to stopping the mind as being here one and equal to this physical world.

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Day 19: My Legs and Hip Pains- What I have accepted and allowed.

Day 19: My legs and hip pains= what I have accepted and allowed.

Here I attempt to write as the movement of my self as the reading of my self as what I have accepted and allowed as my self as energy and to not simply recite what has been learned as what I am by what i learned/accepted/lived within how I was taught/lived in and as my life, where at this point the voices and desires and wants and needs of my self are with in a pattern of emotion and feeling here in every moment as what I am in separation of my self as life and unless i begin to match these separations in this moment as the image of my self as what I believe I am, as the label of my self and slow down into breath and forgive in detail as what I am here in totality that is causing constriction showing me where I refuse to grab this searation by the fucking balls and bring this back to self humbly and gently to turn and face this storm of energy that a will only seek and explosion in and as positive energy, a high that leads to dissipation, this not wanting to die as this is all I have known, here, to this I must turn, breath an awareness of my self into as what is and cannot satisfy me and is only self punishment as separation is self punishment  and fear of self becoming self as life, to stop the bullshit once and for all of life denial, to give up the cry of fear allowing the vulnerable existence of my self to stand  and become a perpetual state of transformation as life in expression as life, directed by life, as life is what is best for self is best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing  and accepting my self to believe that i must objectify directions and file them away for reference in stead of realizing the very sound of my self as life here, strong and directive as this is what life is and to become this, start from this point and not use an idea of what this in fact means.

I forgive my self for  not allowing and accepting my to stop weighing ideas of who I am to fit into what I do, to maintain a persona to be understood within the society in which i live and instead to face what is here as here as self as life breathing through constriction and clinging to ideas of self, as how i look, as how i should appear, as how I respond to what has been repeated to me as words by relatives and friends and society, that I need the support of a man, the imagery of a man by my side in order to be accepted and listened to as a woman, where the fear of not being this is my self allowing a conditioned existence separate from my self as life, as I am life and thus unconditionable in needing something as object as image as beliefs to create as my self' as an image as a presentation in order to express and interact with life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to listen to the voice as belief in and as my mind that dictates a lack in accordance with defined and designed relationships, as ideas, opinions and presentations as a woman being next to and in service to the mind of a man, where having lived this service to and as the mind of a man, self sublimates self as life and that of the man, as the support of a man as his personality is the support of the insecurities of said man, and the continuance of the man in separation of himself, that which he seeks above all else yet also, as a man, believes is answered and found through the support of a woman, when in fact such a scenario of the impossible dream, as this man must stand as himself, removing the ideas and beliefs as imagery, just as I must, and self direct as life, must find his own spark as life and stand vulnerable as that, thus in believing this resonance as what has been taught I become separate from my self and disallow what is best for all and thus best for my self and the other point in the relationship that in totality is separation from self , as this relation is clung to as it is a limitation inconsiderate of the whole and unaware of itself as life , as this life being able to self direct from a point of clarity as self' as life, no longer shackled to separation where objects of guidance are created that are of eternal separation and not self facing self as what is actually eternal, this nothing that is everything, this nothing that does not judge, this no thing of need for support, this place of forgiving as self to life where fear does not exist.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my accepted and allowed separations are the hooks of my mind , clinging to energy, believing energy to be real when this energy is actual dissipation and the real sense of falling, where as the self as life in humility is self breathing, where the very constrictions and non awarenesses of my self within and as breath show me the very limiting factors of the power of my self as life, where this self is muddied and held within a fuzzy logic unable to accept and allow breath as the constriction  is a firebrand of self separation  that I am in shame of believe is a punishment for what I have accepted and allowed, yet this must be brought back to self and cleaned up, deconstructed as this will life not/knot into and as eternal separation and a state of want need and desire for like minded clutching and sustenance to support this separation, where this separation will consume itself in energetic union believing this to sustain self when this is actually an ecstasy of death, where in reality this is a death of the separation of what self has accepted and allowed and thus not real, a suicide of self, as it is self in dissipation and not self in self direction as life as what is self, as this life being what is best for self is life and eternal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize that this consequential play out of self in and as energy leads to death, where as this present system exists, everything is placed to lead to this development and death into and as energy for all and everything on this planet, as this is the fire of hell and not the expression of life, manifest in extreme playouts of constricting and disallowing of natural physical expression of plant , animal, and human, and especially children, where many female children are orphaned and spend days bound in chairs as there is not effort to care for these children, no effete to respect them as life and offer them self development and direction as life, where, as I learned in Romania, much of the financial support for the orphaned children of this country was taken by officials and workers to support their own children, and thus the babies grew without stimulation of any kind, in a pen as a crib, completely undeveloped, as this is what we all accept and allow on this planet in our ignorance of how this system works within a system of profit that is ONLY the manifestation of a game of survival and competition for life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am this, I have accepted and allowed these same behaviors in and as my self as i have accepted and allowed the very roles of family, to consider only my immediate family, and within that place my self into support for other family members who themselves have accepted and allowed consideration of themselves as the very substance of life one and equal to all that is here, and that it is only this system of inequality that creates lack, evident within a belief of supply and demand, where in common fucking sense it is known what is needed to support life here, where within even this realization it is blatantly obvious that consumerism does not consider or provide for life, but supports and feeds the energetic desires of men, the energy that is of separation and thus the endless pursuit of  being in and as a substance of stability and constancy, yet consumerism promotes separation by feeling the desires of separation knowing that these desires are never, cannot ever be quenched and thus an endless source of profit.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to not recognize the physical movement of a child bound into a pod chair , a movement of 'swaying" to be as my self where I sway as I am in waiting to discover self, not realizing that I am in fact being the experience of waiting and not licking my self up and directing my self here fro fear of making a mistake as this has never been done and the idea of standing alone, an illusion, is what is believed, signifying there remains a fear of death and loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear standing alone, to believe that I am standing alone.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize the illusion in and as my mind that letting go of ideas and opinions and images of how i must present my self as the image and likeness of the consumerist ads, is really the road to the death and loss of my self as life, that the leading into energetic experiences as ideals propagated by these ads is eventual un-fulfillment and death of self, where self is so busy dying that there is no life ever having been lived.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become emotional , here in this moment about all of this.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not watch the self satisfaction of my self as placing words here without any living word substance as real understood power of self in and as common sense, an illusion of knowing can present itself as a seemingly "calm" knowing, but really a rigid obsessive compulsive adherence to a belief in being structurally detailed, where this becomes what is real, yet lack a real directive capacity if scrutinized.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to go into future scenarios where I imagine what my future will be where this very experience of my self is my self in worry and fear of the future, and thus I stop my self and I breath and I look at the beliefs  and I forgive them, and return to my self here, with what is physically here and i realize I can only walk within this physical world step by step, so there is no need to dream of a future as what is here within this moment can only be walked as what is physical here, and that there space to be in common sense of what is here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the pain in my legs, especially this incredibly hard seeming rod in my left leg, will take time to deconstruct, as I have not allowed the breath as my self to be here in this leg, placing life as awareness into this leg, where this leg has only, in my ignorance of what I have accepted and allowed,  taken the brand as the fire, as the separation as the grid of what I have accepted and allowed as belief , opinion and idea according to what is  directives within a system of inequality where I suppressed life and thus the life of my self went to sleep and it is as though my leg does not want to wake up, so compressed that it is painful to breath life back into and as this leg, yet this must be done as there is no other choice.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and thus stop through utilizing my breath, to see what I have accepted and allowed in self/life separation the judgements of what I should appear as, what my faults are within non compliance of complete and total image replication of my self , o so I believe, as woman in relation to a man, as home in relation to successful money acquisition to have the picture perfect in-mage and likeness of 

a sales catalogue home,  to believe my self lacking in ability, as in performance in word and deed where I have no real idea of what this lack of really means as I have never stood as my self and walked thus do I criticize my self for something I have never actually even been shown to be, so I criticize my self for something never attempted and thus I am merely criticizing something I know nothing about as I never applied common sense and got to actually experience that which I am just as label of lack as! Insanity.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to  not realize that I am my own judge and juror, for my self as life, when in common sense all I have done is imitate images and never directed my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I will cause harm to life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the common sense of me as life, in and as breath will cause harm to life should I speak up within remaining in and as breath, as what is this commonsense of my self as breath will no longer participate in supporting an idea as image that fits into the consumerist model of existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life, that this that is the power of me as life, as self is not wanted, when in fact this is my mind messing with me, as this means the death of the mind, the stilling of separation and division into and as energy, the fear of loss of my own accepted and allowed addictions as mind.

I commit my self to breath, I breath, I breath, I breath, into my leg, I bring my self back to life, I stop the fire brand of my mind.

I commit my self to stopping reactions of "this is too hard,"  " I am unworthy," " I just want this to stop," and I breath, knowing the intensity of this is the point where this will soon dissipate as it is indicative of the death of energy seeking an illusion this this is All that is what I exist as.

I commit my self to breath, I stop this depressing sense, feeling of hopelessness as this cannot be life, as this is an illusion as all I have ever known and not myself here that is life, where feelings of unworthiness are a dis-respect of life as what I am, and if I look, I would this on no one, not anyone I know, thus this is an illusion as just as I would not want this for anyone, in common sense it is not something to be thus this feeling of unworthiness makes no sense.

I commit my self to breath, to becoming one and equal to breath, to earth, to heart, all one and the same in construction as what i am here as life.

I commit my self to breath, to breathing and realizing all constrictions and fears and depression as not what is real and only an illusion, where this is the falling of my self into and as separation, and as I breath I will walk with more and more certainty as I am on a journey to life as there is no other choice but this.

Self Perfection Products

Time to clean up this earth.

Will this be your life?

Giving up is "not who you are."

Day 5

Day 5

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear what my neighbor might think, and to not stop the self validation conversations in and as my mind, as I remain in the past as I review what transpired within a “neighborly” chat after the interaction occurred, as I believe that I am special in having a conversation with a neighbor, catching my self existing as this, as this is the mind, an infinite design that spins in support of itself through judgement consciously of superiority which is self hiding the polar opposite as a personality created within a system of survival where what is constantly measured is what others will think and thus determine how the being as mind will be judged and thus be accepted in order to survive, where the thoughts of self aggrandizement are hiding  a self created persona of inferiority accepted and allowed by  my self and created through childhood by parents and society that exists in the image and likeness of separation into and as the personification of competition and survival, where self never learned to direct self as life, as self feared self as life,  for which I am responsible as I accepted and allowed this and thus I am the creator of my own self separations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that until I as self as life stand equal and one to life, stand as my self as a directive as life within and as the principle of what is best for all, and develop with a group and voice in and as a collective big enough to stand up within this present system of profit before life, that which is eternal as life will not be the self as my self standing equal and one with this that is eternal, and thus will I not realize my self as life, as I have not stood with and as life, as that which is eternal, not realizing that this is in fact quiet simple, if I cannot stand one and equal with that which is me, life, then I simply do not become life; If i do not jump in the river then I will not get wet, I will not swim, I will not taste the water, I will not become the water of life, the stream of life, I will remain a vaporous projection as what I have become, standing as a reflection on the side, thinking I am real, when what is real is that river.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not have enjoyed this neighbor in the moment been as clear as I am able and then to have gone onto the next moment in and as breath, utilizing breath to remain here, in this moment with what is physically here, instead of/ and afterwards not catching my self going into my mind and continuing the support of the mind through the re-enactment of my past to validate what I have accepted and allowed my self to exist as, as an illusion in self validation in and as belief, thereby separating myself into a mere reflection separate from life, that substance that is here in every moment handing to me, with great ease, my self as life, able to become one and equal to life and thus becoming eternal in and as what is eternal that is what is this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that whenever I exist in and as my mind I am separate from here, and thus separate from what is real, and thus not practicing the self as my self as life, and within this ignoring what is actually here, that is life, so do I abdicate my self as life, and thus I abdicate ease, and create my own dis-ease!

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not remain in and as breath in every moment and diligently realize the back chat in and as my mind and also look to the mirror image as what is in my mind and forgive the thought, and forgive the emotion and feeling and desire behind the thought and realize how this separation causes consequences on this earth that do not support all life equally as my separations effect the allowance and acceptance of life for all that is of this earth, the plants , the animals and the humans, my self included.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that my self as mind has become habitual and thus it will take absolute dedication and will to monitor how I have existed as mind.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I do not know how to be social and thus when I interact with others I tend to replay the interaction to pat my self on the back, or to support my self against my own accepted and allowed insecurities developed and built into a persona based on the very personalities of parents and friends and society and culture that existed in and as separation from life as life was feared and self abdicated self as life  to be directed by beliefs and opinions and ideas based on collected past traditions that had become what was believed to be supportive and individual and special, when within this the essence of what was the foundation of all of this was life, the very substance as life and therefor holding onto the past as self definition was self  in separation from life/here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I need validation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  not catch my self as existing as a personality in and as , within this instance, being inadequate in communicating with people and fearing being judged as unacceptable to walk with.

I commit my self to remaining in and as breath in every moment and stopping my self from going into my mind and replaying past events to fix/validate/confirm an image I have of my self and within this realize that I am existing as a belief that I am lacking, which is self not accepting self as life, this is self competing with what is here and supporting self through interactions with others instead of being a directive principle as self in every moment where I as self as life am a living word as what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.

I commit my self to stopping my own accepted and allowed separations into and as mind, as energy and I stop and I breath and bring my self back to my self as life and I direct my self within the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all is best for self here.

I commit my self to realizing in every moment in every breath what separations from self as life i have accepted and allowed, and I stop the behaviors through breathing and directing my self within what is best for all, when I talk with others socially I breath and speak without expectation or the seeking of opportunity I simply breath and direct my self within simply being without desire , want and need.

I commit my self to stopping separation into and as reviewing past events within and as mind to validate my self, and realize that my mind shows me where I have separated from my self here, and thus this imagery as mind is not to validate but to show me how I have separated from my self into and as self validation in and as mind where I am actually hiding my own insecurities and fears.

I commit my self to realizing that the mind is ego, energy-go, where I exist as a polarity of insecurity and superiority in separation of my self being a directive principle as my self as life, one and equal to all that exists on this earth, and thus I stop and I breath and I forgive the mind, the fear and I take it all back to my self and I direct my self as what is best for all to correct what I have accepted and allowed as fear of my self in wanting an idea of self to exist instead of being and accepting my self as life, that which is one and equal to all that is of existence on this earth.