Day 686 Am I really insignificant? I am here, I am physical. The value is being life.

If I expect others to infer any emotional poles behind my words, are I not expecting others to see the emotional pole within me as something as real as I believe it to be?? ( This is actually insane!)

And if I have to expose that emotional pole, and a solution is given to me, in practice, diminishing  that enlarged ‘ take’/ value/idea I accepted and allowed, would I react and not want to admit that I had created something out of nothing? Would that mean that I had to change? Would I find out that changing an imperfect practice would take longer that if I had learned something correctly in the first place, take time?  Would I realize that I had seeded what was me, and that what I accepted and allowed to be seeded as me would take time to correct and that I was so embarrassed that I would not want to admit this, and yet, this was the only way out, and the gift that was really cool because it meant that I was the means to master who and what I am here in this physical world? Yes.

For myself, what is this swirling mass of emotional values within and as me, that I have colored myself as? Where was that one small movement that was the impetus for this separating-from-who-and-what-I-really-am-emotional-metaphysical -storm?

What was the judgement that I accepted, as a movement within, that created this? What was the generating seed/feed mirrored in behaviors of resistance as a belief? What tread-mill have I stepped onto? Onto what have I allowed the focus of me to become? How have I turned my greatest strength into my greatest weakness?

Given the polarity of weakness and strength, it is a belief that I am not good enough, that there is something  wrong with myself. This is an abdication of what solves the problem, which is to see reality, as the physical and correct in synch with this reality, this practical reality. A mathematical reality revelatory in form and function, as creation would be.

What unsorted mistakes lead to a lack as a limited self definition leading to an ignorance of what was real, as the physical creation around me that is me , here?

As a child, this seeding started. An impossible situation, or appearing to be so, for one so small without any language development, sorting out the construction of language and the ideas generated therein by the surrounding adults which I by nature absorb and allow myself to get caught within to survive as I fear the force of punishment for not aligning to this mis-alignment to life as the physical. This is a motion in separation from considering the practical nature of life as a physical formation. Though I am the cause of accepting and allowing the measure of belief, as in-sighting a record of selective values, that then become the information that is me,  meaning it then being generated from me, I am the only one who can self forgive this and reform who and what I am. I am the one to ground myself back into what is real, as my relationship to the physical, to consider the physical as me, as life information, here. If not me then who? 

I am able to realize where I inflate values, within positive and negative poles of resistance and self aggrandizement, like an elephant in the room that has no real substance, recognizable in a lack of constancy in behavior. My own accepted construction changes myself in a moment, instead of myself using my ability to change, which is my ability to assess, to live equal and one with creation. Living equal and one with creation is realizing the value is life.

This is synching my greatest strength from ignorance to presence as life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am insignificant.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am insignificant and that this is fixed within who and what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become so self involved within a lack as a belief as an idea, as a measure that is a judgement of a good and bad made larger than the practical life around me as the physical,  within and as me that my greatest strength became my greatest weakness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create an inferiority to life as what I allowed to define who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide my separation from life, through projecting lack onto others, as people and systemic structures, and animals and nature, to justify my own lack that is a resistance to life, to being in common sense of reality, as life information as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a projection entity within and as me as myself being right, and to within this become stuck into reacting to what are reactions instead of grounding myself here into the practice of living and finding solutions in consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I was a worthless human being, based on experiences in childhood, where I believed there was no way out, and joined into the game in protection and defense to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry within and as this, as this is a fear of becoming responsible for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making mistakes in relation to this, to and towards others within my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am defined by the mistakes of my past, where in all practical common sense, the only solution is to change and reform, as myself as life, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, and to investigate, to do the math, within and as moving from problem to solution, here, in every moment, remaining grounded in breath here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought ‘ Where have I been”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I have wasted the life that is me , here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize  and understand that the only solution is to ground myself here, in consideration of all things, seeing realizing and understanding that what is real, is here, this physical world, and the starting point of who and what I am here.

When and as I find myself sinking into fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am steady, calm, steadfast, bringing myself here, into being present in the physical as my feat, as my hands, as my torso, here, as who and what I am.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the techno-colored movement, as energy within and as my physical body, to see, realize and understand what I have accepted and allowed to define who and what I am in protection and self defense of my fear, to ground myself here, in the physical, to become in thought word and deed that which is best for all, as equality and oneness to and with life here.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand where I am existing as an inner voice of and as a belief that I am the worst person in the world, based on a past as a child, where I did not get through, or I started to answer in relation to same measure and actions of separation creating a personality in the adults around me, to which I responded, in a belief that this stopped punishment, thereby hating myself for being that which I probably wanted to sort out, and within this to remember that as a child, this would have been very difficult to do, just as my own children probably experienced as well, as I had accepted and allowed a limitation to define who and what I am as a belief in separation from being practical within and as that which does no harm and respects what is real, as the physical world around me, as this is life in creation, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to sink with and as me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand the measure as belief, opinion and idea as an imperfect practice as an idea of lack, and I stop, and I breath, and I ground myself here, and I forgive myself for accepting a fear of survival as I am no longer a child, and I use the greatest gift of myself as life, an ability to absorb and investigate, assess and cross reference, this actual real physical world as life information, and I take the time to listen, to understand, within and without to practice being equal and one to who and what I am as life, to take that which is good and does no harm, to become in thought, word and deed myself as life, here.

When and as I find a weight within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I loosen up within and as my chest area, to forgive a fear of others seeing what I have accepted and allowed as a belief that I am insignificant and worthless, and as what I have defined myself as, to instead become self responsible as life here,  to ground myself in synch with the life that is me, as the physical world.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am stable, open, able to discern through a focused listening, to realize the parts and the whole, to move in perfect practice, realizing mistakes can change,  in equality and oneness in thought word and deed to life, as the physical, here.

Day 679 Opening the Chest To Heaven on Earth.

At the moment I read books where I realize there are comparisons that appear to spin in  a contradiction, making some things within the association have meaning that is not at all clear. Defining the words and making sense out of a spin as an idea, means speaking up and pointing out the discrepancies.  It is a process of defining the parts , which is defining the words, and aligning them with practical reality. I can see where a child would meet with more of the same spin even if they tried to catch all the words and the sounds and align them, having to work with the words and order them and then speak up. This design would be very difficult for any child.

For this reason we cannot really blame anyone, we can only go back, and sort out the layers of information ourselves. And the information is in every move we make, in every word we speak, in every thought we have moving through our conscious minds, as this is a reflection of the measure of what we have accepted and allowed; we personify what we believed, we personify our stories that are based on the past of ourselves and those that came before us. We are the creators of what is here as the present system. 

We can decompose this and equalize ourselves to the physical world, respecting it as the same as us, as the starting point and build heaven on earth. It would be like being born into heaven, removing the gap of separation from being equal to creation as the physical. We can remove the suffering and the belief that holds it in place that we learn through suffering.  Suffering is really just that baby missing a step, to then right themselves and move into walking. We have aggrandized the fall, and built a religion around it. That is the illusion. 

Within myself I can move into joy, the joy of expression of life, through breathing, through slowing down, through walking through the layers of the information that is the personality I live in every moment, so visible and so forgivable, to ground myself here, equal and one within breathing-in with a presence of myself here, and taking the time to sort out the information so that I am clear in respecting this real actual physical world around me. I need not fear the confusion, as the information of survival in separation from who I really am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hate myself for participating in limited knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush, through my chest area, in an excitement that is a fear, and a desire to understand, and yet even within this initial drive, from my hard drive, as my breath and presence here, to see realize and understand that as a young child sorting this out with a cross reference, would have been very difficult, within using the code as words to order, which I probably did not yet have enough of and as within me, to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel depressed within and as this, as a sense that I am pressing down on myself from my eyes and the back of my head.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even in high school I could see that I was doing this, moving into the story around me, via the voicings of the people around me, to get along and go along. where as I walked up to the group, I took a breath, and stood with the story, imitating it, to be able to participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that wanting to participate made it all okay.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move within and as my chest area, in a kind of rushing, upward-like to stand in a construct of information in order to participate in the world around me, as though this upward thrust within and as my chest area,  was me stepping into a survival suit, where this took a huge effort, because this was myself suppressing myself in fear of facing the storm of the personality of and as this in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as my eye area, there is this sense of pity, like a ‘ I am sorriness’ which is really a sense of suppression to only see limited values as I choose information to direct myself in an effort to get along and go along as somewhere in my past I believed sorting things out was not possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my shame is a sense of futility where I sink in and as my chest area, as what I expected within self directing in limited knowledge and information of ideological values,  as somehow this was not moving into expectations in a narrow focus or in a sense of reaching mutual clarity, as though somehow I realized the connection was not sound, stable, clear and within this I accepted less than believing it would be sorted out at some point not seeing realizing and understanding that deconstruction and reconstruction takes time and equal participation from a separation as a starting point.

Thus,

When and as I find myself ‘ pushing myself up’ as a movement within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the measure of personification I have accepted and allowed within and as me, remaining in breath and grounded, and walk, in respect of this real physical world that is the information of life in expression, here, as this is me, and this is recognizing the means of myself as life here into eternity.

When and as I find myself approaching another, within and as ‘ lifting myself up’ within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I asses how I am, as a measure of belief, opinions and ideas, directing myself as though I am moving into limited and separated knowledge and information to self direct, and I sense the suppression of being present, and I ground myself here, until the pressure building in and as my chest area beings to clear, realizing that I can listen, and understand and practice directing in ways that bring an intimacy as a clearness in being present here, a presence that senses racing in values, and ignoring the ease of being grounded here,  as much as I am able to remove the view of ideas, beliefs and opinions I have accepted and allowed to define me.

When and as I find myself moving within and as rising up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I no longer allow myself to suppress myself into only moving as knowledge and information as a measure of values, as I assess what I have accepted and allowed, and what is the movement around me, and the physical, until I become the practice of understanding within and as what allows an absence of suppression and racing into a projection of an end goal as the self interest I accepted, and instead enlightens myself into ease and clarity, calm and stability here, as that which is equal and one to here, the physical to realize in thought word and deed heaven on earth.