Day 748 Looking at frustration to realize my own fear.

That point where i become frustrated, I can use as a red flag , in terms of what behaviors I choose and use to direct myself within, as a moment. If I lose myself to frustration, I become inferior to myself, unequal to moving through the border of my ability to ‘ know the score’, or process the math, or use my common sense. This is realizing the border of my awareness, slowing down and realizing greater and more subtle detail, about the world around me. This is the point where I have to assess, investigate and make a choice to move, to self direct, not being hard on myself when I make a mis-take, as I have entered a new territory. Here, it is to focus myself, having a greater faith in the command of myself as who and what I am as a human being. The sensibilities of what I am, as physical life, as life in expression, to see, realize and understand here. Also, to cross reference my own synchronistic level with reality, and the reality around me. It is also to understand the levels of development, to listen to the focus of another, and move from that point forward as this is me in another life. Also, to realize that being in a situation where I impart my natural sensibility as the physical, if a form of physical learning, and thereby something that can move with greater efficiency - even though reading about something once mastering a certain level of awareness can be helpful, there is nothing like the abstract as ideas, beliefs and opinions made real through physical cross referencing. Meaning, what is an idea, must move in synch with the practical physical reality, and that with ease, otherwise force is used, and that is moving against working with something in harmony- which is actually realizing that one can leave nothing behind. It is all a beautiful design leading one forward, if each human being made the decision to respect all things, and live as the principle of what is best for all. 

This is what the practice of self forgiveness, writing and practical application, leading to a self directive capacity manifest as the real potential of men, is all about. This is the process, on could say, of removing the veil, that thing within, a resonant thing, that is too big to fit through the eye of the needle. Meaning to self realize self as life, equal and one to the physical, as this is all things and not only that bubble of information in one’s head, or one’s mind, or one’s consciousness. As that bubble is a consciousness of separation.  That degree of separation, a construct of limitation, as ideas, beliefs, and opinions,  destroys the physical body, as the self as the body,  moves counter to the physical, and degrades because it  essentially does not fit. This could be said to be a rejection of life. It is an outcome of being unequal to life. It is being unequal to the physical.

Back to my own review of when and as I find myself getting frustrated. In these moments, I have to assess, investigate and slow way down. In a recent encounter, I remember a moment of frustration, as a fear, where I stood back, physically stood up to stand more on the side. How I remember this tiny movement, was that I noticed a movement that I would call a kind of slow motion in another person. That moment where I sensed this, was the moment I stood back. I reacted, I did not want to face that ‘ measure’ of slow motion, where I felt the person moved in a thick soup, or a conceptual sluggishness - as I would call it in this moment. I reacted with resistance, or could I say fear- towards that ‘ entity’ of movement, of song, of math.  I wanted to run.  One could say, from one perspective that I feared this ‘ entity’ defining me. One could say that I allowed this ‘ entity’ to have authority over me.  Somehow, though this is true, it does not fit what i allowed. Also, I have to say, that I could go back and check my own movements, that I could catch this one moment, is cool. This process is cool. 

Again, back to this issue. lol.  I could say, I was like a snob, and did not want to go into that ‘ soup’ that construction, that math.  It might, like a virus, consume me, or so I believed. This attitude overall towards this, or, my perspective towards this, is telling in itself.  It is like stepping into a shadow, and realizing it need not define me, and directing the parts into looking at reality, to live in greater synchronicity with life. It is removing the tensions of fear that force protection instead of a command of self effectively.  I recognize on some level, the impetus of this reaction, made habit, practiced again and again, compounding and accumulating into no-longer-recognizing this behavior, burying it under blame and spite, hiding it in justifications, labeling the objects around me as the fault, when it was not myself, seeing directly and instead directing myself in-fear-ior to life.  I also notice shame and self hate, as I realize so often we are the hardest on ourselves, because we understand that we are the ones who did not slow down and practice resolution into calming the waters of fear. Meaning , in my case,  choosing to not address something because of a fear of punishment. There may be some desires there, that motivated this forward too, yet what I sense is that this is more a consequence of a fear of punishment. And, to realize that as a child, I probably did not have the vocabulary to voice, to vocalize what was happening. It is revelatory in the resonant sense, as it is colored more with an unnamed fear than something more defined. And yet, that ‘ entity’ that I label as being ‘ sluggish’ and soupy, is the same, it lacks real definition, it moves in slow motion.  Also, before I started self forgiveness, I spoke in terms of “ why does it appear to me that people are losing conceptual ability”, as one of the things I was saying to myself.  I also recognize that the same ‘ color’ or tenor’ of what I resisted, and as my movement into frustration, is the same or very similar. It is like a shadow on my heart. 

Did I accumulate knowledge and information, read and read and read many books to find a way through this? Did I run towards the means to an end, to avoid that same end? Did I sense on some level that I needed to process more in-formation, to face this storm of fear, or separation, and run from what was always right in front of me? Yes.  I can realize that I have worked with a dog that had a lot of behaviors of fear, where I patiently stood as a different behavior,  until the dog relaxed and moved with greater ease, and less reaction in an environment. This dog, becoming more and more accepting of people walking towards him to pet him, whereas in the beginning the dog would react, tense up, become restless, though exhibiting some caution and restraint at the same time. Overall, this change not something that can be transferred in any other way, but with and as the physical. Something that must happen on the ground - to note in relation to this of which I speak.  Thus, overall, I have the capacity to realize the red flag of resistance when I stand back and convince myself that something is impossible, which is really a point of frustration, that is what I have not faced, as the state of fear moving in a perpetual rhythm, and instead embracing the vocal point, and realizing where ‘ Goldilocks stands’ as the border of understanding, to then spell a sentence using words, that opens greater insight, of which I would want for myself, as such moments are so precious, they are often the most memorable, as being something hard to forget, as they have a great power. They are also the means to the end, and recognized with gratefulness as a part of the nature of them within me.

Overall, the more I realize, for which I am thankful within and as this process of journeying to life, the more I realize, that this has to be done on the ground, as though the network of men, must come back down to earth, which must be lived, on the ground- as I said.  Greed and a desire to control, must stop. What matters if building a network, that sees this reality directly, correcting the math, the inner structure to respect all things, removing the veil of separation of a lesser god/structural resonance/mind consciousness and thereby building communities of man who live equal and one with the physical, doing no harm, taking that which is good. This is priceless.

When and as I find myself moving into frustration, I stop, I face what I see as an ‘ entity’ of slow motion as something I have noticed with greater clarity, this having a quality of and as being heavy with fear, laden with ideas, beliefs and opinions, and I embrace the conception. I slow down and breathe, walk the form within and without, relate to the practical physical reality, deconstruct and reconstruct, embrace and accept, change and reform and keep my feet on the ground. I see, realize and understand that I can open my heart, and hear the “song”, that it need not define me, as I am flexible, to become more a measure of respecting life, here to realize the greatness of life, to life with more consistency what I have done in other moments, thereby becoming more constant in grounding my presence here. 

The FUNdamentals Day 736

The FUNdamentals

I am physical, a human being. I am this foundation, this FUNdament. The basis of who and what I am is physical. This is what is real and what I see every day, this is what is the fundamental foundation of who and what I am.

This is what i am before any religion or political party, or nation, or culture defines who and what I am.  ThIs is what I am before I know my name. This is what I focus on before I can speak. This is what I am, as the cells building in the womb, before I can re-cognize myself. This is what I am before a thought, or a feeling, as I must be this fundamentally before I can sense this world, that which I am as I am composed of the same things. This is the means of my expression and my opportunity to become equal and one with creation. If I move, or direct myself here, as this physical earth, without doing the math of here, without considering all things, what am I regarding, as what else is there to regard other than all things that are here that are me, the same as me, as being of the same means of expression as the physical as me? 

What I  move in as a self interest of little practice in considering my actions based on some idea that exists only within me that has not cross referenced this reality,  which becomes by design a bias to here, as what I am as thought, feelings and emotions, generated within a mind consciousness  as ideas, beliefs and opinions, stepping outside of a natural ability to regard, as realizing the consequences of my actions to all things, as what is around me is what is natural and therefor pure and simple.  When I lack a consideration of this world, I accept a belief that I am more than what is me, around me and instead I move as something I have allowed to generate within as an entity that has no real grounded stability to this creation, as this physical reality.  That within is a bias, a moving entity of limited pictures, of limited insight, racing and spinning in its false narrative, its composition of charged information, like a ghost that can only be of my past, that when I allow to be/define the soul/sole directive of me, is something that I project and thus appear to race towards thereby only compounding the separation of me, from remembering me to who and what I am as a physical being. It is a bubble of my own creation through acceptance and allowance, generated by me, allowed through my own will, to determine my actions, all in separation from being here, having fun within the fundamentals, the physical. Within this, realizing the smallest of things is the means to the end, it is to become the master of myself, here, remembering the physical as fundamental to who and what I am here.

What is the gap between my natural common sense and the shift into a mind consciousness that is a rush for a false narrative that is at- tense-tion that can be felt by me as the physical through my physical body as the muscles that are me here, a composition of cells filled with a composition of specified cells that are surrounded by water that as a substance can feel the slightest of pressures, as even those thoughts, emotions and feelings moving through me, of changed energy, that acts in a racing movement, towards some idea of a more, based on a past as idea that is in essence a bias to this practical and physical opportunity to be and express as life, as a physical form. As this, the entity as me, as a soul, a story,  if looked upon is filled with value judgements as culture, as this over all accepted and allowed disregard for life that becomes a compound that is of energy, rigged through acceptance of false narratives/frameworks/scaffolds of information, composed of ideas within me, embedded in the flesh as the very hard-drive as me, that is the ultimate separation causing a rape of this physical means of expression, as a transfiguration that lacks grace and respect and gentle transformation of myself, as this graceful transformation is a birth into becoming the master of what it means to build a life of balance and gracefulness that is a fluid, constant, connected movement that must use considering all things, moving moment to moment that will not move as resistance in actions, as it must move in acceptance of all things, embracing  the physical the real narrative of awareness.  

I am the director of my will, what I focus upon is what I accept, thus when a narrow focus is what I allow to define me, through ignorance of remembering myself to all things, I can blame no one but me, to do so is to spite what and who I am, as the physical which is the fundamental of me here. 

The trees are me, the oceans, the salt in the oceans, the soils, the substance of the soils, what I allow, as perspective, of these building blocks that are the same as me, is what determines a composition of this physical world, a world that exists as me, as the collective forms that are here, that is this reality, that is a technology unsurpassed except by an idea of playing god. An idea that is in itself, as a starting point, a false take on reality, as the physical is equal in all manifested creation, as this is the fundamental value as the very means of expression, thus no one point can be more than another.  Thus a construction that forces change, without  agreement from a starting point of awareness of all function and means, as the physical, is already an im(age/time)-position of a false and projected purpose and therefor a soul ( that is a sole purpose) instead of an equal and one connection with a pure/CURE-ated awareness of being in tune with the means of who and what I am as the physical. This is why, the false narrative, all charged up and spinning, is composed of limited ideas, and becomes a bias on reality, that swirls like a running train, spiraling into a bubble, that separates one’s presence from what is fundamental and what was always here, as a self in focus of the physical world here at birth. This physical world, being what is real, as a focus here, on this, is to respect and remember all things as who and what I am/will as the physical world. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a mind consciousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a con-science of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions, to mind who and what I am, as I follow my own mis-use of creation, composed of limitations, as non-recognition of all things that are me as the physical, as this earth, that is the same as my heart, this hearth, as the very sounds as the letters reflect.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that gap between myself as equal and one as the physical and the narrow framework of belief, idea and opinion as the mind, so visible within and as the very actions, as deeds I accept to direct me, here  in this physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to move within and as the fundamentals of who and what I am here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not play in tune with the physical, to move in common sense of what and who I am, that is the same as me, and all around me, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to move with regard to life, as that which is all around me and the same as me, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and breath, to step out of a mind consciousness composed of value judgements made larger than the practical measure of this physical reality, that is the greatest technology as it is the means of life, that move organically through a seed of information, curled up into a ball, that then is a blueprint of expansion, as giving the means to expression and transformation, as flexibility with every breath, with every cross reference, as feeling this actual real physical movement of and as life, as this earth, that is of the same fundamental building blocks as me, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that mis-takes, are simply a cognitive dissonance from a respect of all things as this reality, as this physical reality that is of the same as me, equal and one, as the means of understanding and moving in awareness of the fundamentals, remembering the starting point of movement, as breath, as the means to sense here, as in considering all things, as all things are me, here, as the fundamental composition of the building blocks of life, is the same in all the physical -this verified means that is constant and stable around us, especially when self directed as what is the fundamental  essence of all things as expression, as creation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to exist as the real library, the real LIBeration AIRy as the very means of sensing here, as breath, to air-in as breath-in a reflection, as a respect, as a reciprocity to what is me, as the very same as me, as the fundamental building blocks of the physical, to embrace and respect, and become sELF hONEst to and as what is the same as me, as this physical world, as in breath, I slow down and reMEMBER who and what I am, to realize the sole purpose as the means of creation as the fundamental building blocks of this life that is creation in manifestation here as physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the patterns of my separation as thoughts, composed of comparison, a form of judgement with a charge, when moving as an imagination within and as me, a secret mind, as a consciousness built of ideas about who and what I am, that I hide, to not show the shame, the sham of me, as myself not allowing and accepting myself to realize the fundamental of me as the physical, where all things are me in another life here, thus, the competition, of me, as thoughts and back chats and chatter in and as my mind, is of my own acceptance and allowance, and a decomposed self of limited ideas, that spin me out of self control as who and what I am as life, a distraction of mis-information that separates me from this living reality, as the physical, the consequence of this visible in the loss of presence to here, the awareness of space here, and thus the loss of a natural ability to sense here, and self direct here, to the point where I lose a self directive capacity to walk on this ground, on this earth, as I become the mess- age that is a false narrative of belief, opinions and ideas, within and as me that is a separation from respect and regard for who and what I am, as I am a me-ssage, an organic capacity to sound a respect and insight- as an expanding awareness - of this reality, of this physical world, to work in union, in tune with, in sight-essence of, as the physical here as this is the gift ( giving foot to, as stepping here in respect and awareness) of life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to entertain myself with what-if’s and fear of loss stories of information that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus upon within and as me as idea, to seed a story spinning the self of and as me, out of control of who and what I am, as the fundamental that is me, and equal to me, as who and what I am as life, as breath, as the means of becoming a master of self, realizing that this physical reality, as all things here of this earth, is me, and the means of my expression, able to move in ways that do no harm, and by design, as breath, to consider all things, taking that which is good as that which realizes there are no problem only solution here, which means grounding myself, my focus, to the practical, that being the use of a natural ability to common sense this earth, this hearth, this with heart of me, as who and what I fundamentally am as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself allowing and accepting confusion, I stop, and I breath and I slow myself down, and I adapt to time, realizing nothing can define who and what I am, as I have endless patience, as who and what I am, to realize in every breath, a common sense of here, to change and adapt as nothing can be lost, but within my imagination, as life is fundamentally here, as creation, the potential to realize the only choice is equality and oneness with who and what I am as the physical manifest as this earth, here.

When and as I find myself becoming confused I see realize and understand that I am moving from common sense into a mind consciousness of my own acceptance and allowance, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to realize myself self worth as life, to respect what is the same in me, that is in all things, as the fundamental  symbiotic nature of the physical of this earth, where all things are of the same essence of and as life, as the very substance of the  physical.

When and as I find myself exiting in conflict, as tension, as what I attend to, as focus upon, I stop and I breath, and I adapt, seeing realizing and understanding there is no competition, as in space and time, I am of the same substance, as all things, and  as this, can create, to experience life information, this there is no rush as an idea of a more is an illusion, as I am here, in expression as self directed movement of and as the means of life, in essence.

When and a s i find myself fearing a loss of something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I am one and equal with all things, as I am the same, which is life, and that the fundamentals of who and what I am is the means to experience all things, thus what I am in a moment here, can with careful practice realize expression, of and as life, being grateful for the life around me that is me, to ground myself here.

When and as I find myself reacting, as resistance, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand what I accept as attend to, as allow a self interest as idea within me, as a mind consciousness to have attention onto, as forcing attention onto, to see my own self interest, as a belief in special interests of and as me,  I stop and I breath and I slow myself to, to sense my physical body, to realize the information that I have accepted and allowed to become me, within a belief that what I believe is a more, I stop and i breath, and I slow myself down, to see realize and understand the practical, living moment to moment, to see the consequence of time and space here, within and without, above and below, to become a practice of being grounded, here, to realize the me-sage of experience, to become an expression of life as a common sense of reality, as the practice of self worth equal and one to the fundamentals of what is here, this earth, this hearth, this heart. 

When and as I find myself moving into righteousness, as a tension, as a belief of a more or a holding onto within fear of loss, as a false narrative of self interest, n and as a secret mind of self hate, based on a morality of fear, as a lack of insight into accepting my own self worth of and as life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I read/reed the sound of common sense, as a respect to the practical, living solutions as saluting this life, this physical world as this is respecting all things, as all things are equal and one as me, fundamentally physically the same, as this is the real starting point of life in expression, withstanding the test of time, as this remains constant, under the many false narratives of ideas, beliefs and opinions as ‘ isms’ that have reigned down, as knowledge and information, as what is real, is here, right in front of me as the space of the constant physical cycle of life, organic and expressice, adaptable and creating, as the physical is creation in-formation.

Day 686 Am I really insignificant? I am here, I am physical. The value is being life.

If I expect others to infer any emotional poles behind my words, are I not expecting others to see the emotional pole within me as something as real as I believe it to be?? ( This is actually insane!)

And if I have to expose that emotional pole, and a solution is given to me, in practice, diminishing  that enlarged ‘ take’/ value/idea I accepted and allowed, would I react and not want to admit that I had created something out of nothing? Would that mean that I had to change? Would I find out that changing an imperfect practice would take longer that if I had learned something correctly in the first place, take time?  Would I realize that I had seeded what was me, and that what I accepted and allowed to be seeded as me would take time to correct and that I was so embarrassed that I would not want to admit this, and yet, this was the only way out, and the gift that was really cool because it meant that I was the means to master who and what I am here in this physical world? Yes.

For myself, what is this swirling mass of emotional values within and as me, that I have colored myself as? Where was that one small movement that was the impetus for this separating-from-who-and-what-I-really-am-emotional-metaphysical -storm?

What was the judgement that I accepted, as a movement within, that created this? What was the generating seed/feed mirrored in behaviors of resistance as a belief? What tread-mill have I stepped onto? Onto what have I allowed the focus of me to become? How have I turned my greatest strength into my greatest weakness?

Given the polarity of weakness and strength, it is a belief that I am not good enough, that there is something  wrong with myself. This is an abdication of what solves the problem, which is to see reality, as the physical and correct in synch with this reality, this practical reality. A mathematical reality revelatory in form and function, as creation would be.

What unsorted mistakes lead to a lack as a limited self definition leading to an ignorance of what was real, as the physical creation around me that is me , here?

As a child, this seeding started. An impossible situation, or appearing to be so, for one so small without any language development, sorting out the construction of language and the ideas generated therein by the surrounding adults which I by nature absorb and allow myself to get caught within to survive as I fear the force of punishment for not aligning to this mis-alignment to life as the physical. This is a motion in separation from considering the practical nature of life as a physical formation. Though I am the cause of accepting and allowing the measure of belief, as in-sighting a record of selective values, that then become the information that is me,  meaning it then being generated from me, I am the only one who can self forgive this and reform who and what I am. I am the one to ground myself back into what is real, as my relationship to the physical, to consider the physical as me, as life information, here. If not me then who? 

I am able to realize where I inflate values, within positive and negative poles of resistance and self aggrandizement, like an elephant in the room that has no real substance, recognizable in a lack of constancy in behavior. My own accepted construction changes myself in a moment, instead of myself using my ability to change, which is my ability to assess, to live equal and one with creation. Living equal and one with creation is realizing the value is life.

This is synching my greatest strength from ignorance to presence as life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am insignificant.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am insignificant and that this is fixed within who and what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become so self involved within a lack as a belief as an idea, as a measure that is a judgement of a good and bad made larger than the practical life around me as the physical,  within and as me that my greatest strength became my greatest weakness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create an inferiority to life as what I allowed to define who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide my separation from life, through projecting lack onto others, as people and systemic structures, and animals and nature, to justify my own lack that is a resistance to life, to being in common sense of reality, as life information as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a projection entity within and as me as myself being right, and to within this become stuck into reacting to what are reactions instead of grounding myself here into the practice of living and finding solutions in consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I was a worthless human being, based on experiences in childhood, where I believed there was no way out, and joined into the game in protection and defense to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry within and as this, as this is a fear of becoming responsible for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making mistakes in relation to this, to and towards others within my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am defined by the mistakes of my past, where in all practical common sense, the only solution is to change and reform, as myself as life, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, and to investigate, to do the math, within and as moving from problem to solution, here, in every moment, remaining grounded in breath here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought ‘ Where have I been”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I have wasted the life that is me , here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize  and understand that the only solution is to ground myself here, in consideration of all things, seeing realizing and understanding that what is real, is here, this physical world, and the starting point of who and what I am here.

When and as I find myself sinking into fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am steady, calm, steadfast, bringing myself here, into being present in the physical as my feat, as my hands, as my torso, here, as who and what I am.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the techno-colored movement, as energy within and as my physical body, to see, realize and understand what I have accepted and allowed to define who and what I am in protection and self defense of my fear, to ground myself here, in the physical, to become in thought word and deed that which is best for all, as equality and oneness to and with life here.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand where I am existing as an inner voice of and as a belief that I am the worst person in the world, based on a past as a child, where I did not get through, or I started to answer in relation to same measure and actions of separation creating a personality in the adults around me, to which I responded, in a belief that this stopped punishment, thereby hating myself for being that which I probably wanted to sort out, and within this to remember that as a child, this would have been very difficult to do, just as my own children probably experienced as well, as I had accepted and allowed a limitation to define who and what I am as a belief in separation from being practical within and as that which does no harm and respects what is real, as the physical world around me, as this is life in creation, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to sink with and as me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand the measure as belief, opinion and idea as an imperfect practice as an idea of lack, and I stop, and I breath, and I ground myself here, and I forgive myself for accepting a fear of survival as I am no longer a child, and I use the greatest gift of myself as life, an ability to absorb and investigate, assess and cross reference, this actual real physical world as life information, and I take the time to listen, to understand, within and without to practice being equal and one to who and what I am as life, to take that which is good and does no harm, to become in thought, word and deed myself as life, here.

When and as I find a weight within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I loosen up within and as my chest area, to forgive a fear of others seeing what I have accepted and allowed as a belief that I am insignificant and worthless, and as what I have defined myself as, to instead become self responsible as life here,  to ground myself in synch with the life that is me, as the physical world.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, until I am stable, open, able to discern through a focused listening, to realize the parts and the whole, to move in perfect practice, realizing mistakes can change,  in equality and oneness in thought word and deed to life, as the physical, here.

Day 590 Who I am within the culture of woman. Day 5 Self forgiveness and Self Correction.

Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.

I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define  can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out.  There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight”  And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens.  Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest  where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself  inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself  as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life  as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.

When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life,  built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.

When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.

When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the  value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.

Day 362 Self Judgement as allowing inferiority

I forgive myself for allowing an accepting myself to believe that I am inferior or superior to situations and or others as I base myself within a judgement of more than and less than not seeing realizing and understanding that such is based on a belief , opinion and/or idea, stagnant within allowing myself as equalizing myself here in sound with the principle of what is best for all is best for self, as the alternative as ego is to be and become a limited idea of myself as what I am instead of looking at what I am allowing and bring this back to myself within the principle of what is best for all and as such/with such directing myself within looking here, within investigating here and moving in thought,word and deed as what is best for all, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i am inferior to life, to this gift, the expression, this experience that I am here within this human physical body and this physical earth, not realizing I have allowed myself to become a mind of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions as what is taught as the divisions of the present system that is a structure and form of inequality causing separation from life, as some are not given opportunity and support and others more than what is needed causing a lack of life on earth , causing a lack of dignity on earth,of life expression with and as life, here.
I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to use, opinion, idea and belief and abused myself as life through thought, word and deed in self interest to survive, not considering all life and the consequences of my actions as lack of consideration for all life, not seeing realizing and understanding within this that life cannot really exist until all life as this physical form as earth is in full potential expression as itself as life, thus no one is “ free” until all are free, no one is in dignity as life until ALL are living in dignity here on earth, thus the idea of superior and inferior are illusions that as an illusion is a separation and a stagnant state of being that has become so huge it does not see itself as such and as this lives in a state of limitation and thus becomes a diminishing substance of life feeding off the physical, fading out without having lived life, and as this separation has no real substance and thus no real standing as life, which is a state of fear, as is so seeable in the state of much behavior on earth at present, thus the only way out is to face the separation and the divisions causing lack and stagnant non-development on earth and to change this, thus facing the belief that this is impossible must be realized as a part of the illusion that is consciousness as mind, as life cannot be lived until all and everything on this earth is breathing and being the life that it is in full potential and to even realize within this that the answer is right here as the directive to walk out of fear, the only choice, the principle of equality and oneness, to give as you would like to receive.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have abused life, in using beliefs, opinions and ideas within ratios of what is more than and less than within a system of unequal measure guided by ideas of one value being more than another, and thus using these values and ideas to maintain my position within an order of unequal distribution of life sustaining resources to survive in my own self interest, a complete act of ignorance for which I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare values of others based on the words they use, the clothes they wear, the knowledge and information they spew and to judge according to my own cultural background, to compete for placement on a grid of inequality that in itself is in separation from life, from earth, from what is real as this physical earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I have allowed myself to become stagnant within, petrifying in fear of loss to the point where I no longer see reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an imagination of doom and gloom, as fear of loss, which becomes the undercurrent of myself as separation , a movement within as thought of a judging of myself as inferior, allowing ideas, beliefs, and opinions to be superior to myself here not seeing realizing and understanding within this that this is only limited insight as beliefs, opinions and ideas of more than and less than and is meaningless as I can only be here in this breath in this moment and that it is being here as being life that is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to the bully of fear, as fear of loss, that uses ideas, beliefs and opinions that are ambiguous, lacking consideration of practical physical reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a mistake is what i am, where in all common sense, a baby child is not labeled as a crawler for the rest of their lives when that mis-take as a first step becomes a fall and then crawl within first attempts of walking, as this is realized as a process, thus the past as miss-take of that baby does not define that human child, so if this is carried into all movement of men, then past mis-takes do not define a person here. Thus, passing judgements on people is an act of ignorance, as the only choice is to realize a miss-take for what it is and give/accept direction from without and/or common sense from within to stand and realize that selfperfection is a process that is only made stagnant within lack, as we live on a physical planet called earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from here, into and as an expectation which is to create an idea of the future instead of remaining here equal and one, as expectation builds hope which is placing myself into an idea of a more than and myself as being inferior.
When and as I see myself becoming a thought of inferiority I stop and I breath, and I realize I am allowing something to be superior and in separation from myself, and as such becoming stuck in opinions, belief, or idea, so I bring this back to self and I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all, as this is best for self, as we are all equal within the starting point of the substance of life.
When and as I find myself fearing to be labeled as inferior, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I realize that I am only inferior, and or superior, if I accept and allow this, as this is the mind, as consciousness composed of limited ideas, and beliefs and opinions of what is of more value and less value as the only real value is the value of life.
When and as I find myself believing myself to be inferior and placing a value of something being superior in separation from myself, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down and I look/investigate the form and the function that is the physical world in common sense within the principle of what is best for all, and within this I see, realize and understand my own behaviors of self interest as fear of loss, habituated as a survival suit answering to the voice of inequality as the present systemic form of monopolizing wealth and ownership of freely given resources into the hands of one/few who themselves are as consciousness , manifest as an ego of belief that some are more than others, when we are all the same, the substance of life, one and equal.
WHen and as I become inferior to here, within and as creating an idea and thus a hope within expectation I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that the mind as consciousness strategizes, maps, analyses and in the process misses here, what is physically here which is all I can as life be, here.
When and as I find myself, as consciousness , planning the future, I stop and breath and I realize I am inferior to here as I am wanting to control outcome, organize outcome, which in and as itself is not necessarily good or bad, it is that it is limited as it is separate from here, as it is only here that I can live in equality and oneness and move as the principle of give as I would like to receive as being in equal consideration of what is here in this moment, as I cannot know the next moment until I am there.

                                                    DIP Desteni Know how your mind works.

Day 276 Fear of speaking Internal Conversations Dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what is a set of limitations made huge can hurt me, unless I accept and allow them to be what is real
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the fantasy of this world, as values distorted are what is believed to be real.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is the distortion of values, that then limit and warp reality, and are the cause of my separation from the physical, where i no longer can sense the physical world as I have allowed myself to run after limited values, that will never satisfy as they are in separation from what is real from what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created an alternate warped reality where i lose common sense of this physical world and thus myself as life as what is the substance of this physical world, to allow myself to be and become the monoculture of the cult of inequality, where values are divided into more than and less than, and what is simply being equal and one to and as this physical world, as this is life, has lead to the existence of abuse on earth, as the physical is believed to be only a resource to burn up, as the real world promoted is a world of imagination, thus is the world in reverse, what is believed to be real, is fantasy and what is real is made secondary, the perfect promotion of illusion allowing control by a few, which is simply a reflection of each of us as we fear standing up equal and one to and as the physical, to really live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have been hurt, which is just myself wanting what was taught and fearing to give up an addiction to a distortion which is myself in separation from what is real
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in fearing to speak, what I am in essence saying is that I fear exposing my own separations.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I have been speaking the language of inequality, relating my words to beliefs, opinions and ideas of what is more, and thereby lost all common sense of what is real as this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all this means is to align myself in common sense to what works within and as this actual physical world within and as the principle of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I exist within loss when an object of my desire is removed from my physical existence, as I have allowed this to define me, within my accepted and allowed separation from what is real this physical world and the very substance that is the source of this gift of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my personifications of character are myself unstable, as in being within a dis-ease of equality and oneness to and as the physical world.

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to learning to read this actual physical world, within and as what in common sense is best for all, as the organism of this world cannot function as life until all existent here are equal and one to and as the physical, where the accepted cult of abuse as inequality is realigned to what is absolutely supportive of this actual physical world.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to within common sense stand within and as equal consideration of what is physically here, as this is me equal and one as life.
I commit myself to speaking up in common sense that there is not life until what is the real value, which is life, which includes this actual physical world is supported absolutely, realizing that a system of inequality is a distortion of limited values into ideas, beliefs and opinions of one thing being greater than another, where just as the human physicalbody is a reflection of this earth, in that unless all cells are functioning optimally the consequence is disease creating behaviors in separation from self as life, and thus creating a world where the cells, as the human, are out of alignment with equality and oneness to and as what is real which is the physical world, thus will the entire organism as earth eventually crumble in disease, which is what is happening on earth, as what is real has been ignored for a fantasy, as ideas in self interest of what is more than in separation from the value being life, self being self responsible as life, here.
I commit myself to, when and as I feel I cannot speak, to slow myself down, to breath, to bring myself here, equal and one, touching this actual physical world and practicing registering what is physically real, here within and as directing myself as the principle of what is best for all, as this is the only choice, as the choices within and as the present system of the culture of inequality follows the illusion of the fantasy of the mind, an imagination of distorted and limited values in separation from common sense.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to when and as I realize I have allowed a habit of label, as comparison, I am existing within competition fearing the loss of the illusion of

Day 42 my sons

Day 42 

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to worry about my sons.

I forgive myself for for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that worrying about my sons is not the solution, to stop this worry and to explain how this world system works, so that my sons desire to understand this system through self motivated research and to within this recognize and understand their own influences and behaviors and the influences they will face as they become adults within a system that does not place the value that is here, that is life, before anything else.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to want an instant understanding of what is here, where, when my son reads a self forgiveness blog he becomes silent and then falls asleep, as he has told me he is scared of the world and fears facing this world, which means he must learn to realize fear for what it is and within this I realize that I must remain calm and breath, otherwise I tend to go into a mother persona instead of relating to my son as all as one as equal and place my self in his shoes.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my son is talking to me more, and thus this is a small step, one of many that will be needed to stop the dominance of the mind as the authority on earth and birth life into the physical, something that has never existed here on this earth, where we all know we have separated ourselves from this physical world, as we age and die without any understanding or awareness of this physical world, where if the human had understanding there would no longer be starvation, disease, pollution, animal extinction, as these behaviors, accepted and allowed are indicative of a world that is not in fact organized to support that which we are, that which supports us as what we are, life, and within this, a realization that if this cannot be seen and understood than there is seriously something amiss with the human.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that any person/human that is able to read and access the internet that encounters this message, the message of oneness and equality, and the presentation of a system that supports all life, an equal money system, that does not realize that what is here, as this physical world, that which support life as what we are, that is presently in a mess, with extinction, child sex trafficking,  starvation, plastic islands floating out in the middle of our oceans, radiation, depleted uranium affecting the formation of human babies and the lives of soldiers, and does not see, realize and understand how much of a fuck up this is is indicative that that human is lacking development and is a walking programmed set of words without any real awareness.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to blame my self for what lack of awareness and existence as fear my sons have become, where within this I have no time for self pity, or self blame, as what is here must stop, as what need be done is every step necessary to put and end to this self destruction of the earth caused by the very fear existent within my sons and my self.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that there is no time for fear, as fear, when it is what i become,  must be faced with breath and self forgiveness and self corrective application as, fear is the separation of my self from my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that any thought, any emotion, and feeling is a red flag of my separation from my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am a programmable organic robot and that the present system that exists seeks profit for the few, and thus promotes all manner of desires, wants and needs to fill the focus of my self and direct me into wants, needs and desires that never satisfy and only lead to death, a death of no awareness of what lies beyond death, where I am so brainwashed that I actually believe that I cannot know what comes at death and that this is in the hands of some separate god, where as a parent with two sons, all I would want for my children is that they be able to direct themselves as life and that a “real” god, would want nothing else but life, want nothing else but self development towards a self perfected being and not what is allowed and accepted on this earth, where children are sold into sex, where animals are disregarded and become extinct, where the waters of this world have huge floating islands of plastic, where sons and daughters of men are afraid of life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see, realize and understand that the very fabric of what is here has not created a world that is absent of abuse, thus the very fabric of what exists is the problem and not singular relationships within this system that have become the focus of men, lost in one thread of this fabric at a time, no longer able to see the whole tapestry of the very structure of what is accepted and allowed on this earth as the way resource is distributed via a piece of paper that gives ownership to a few and thus does not consider all life.

I commit my self to sharing blogs with my son.

I commit my self to sharing my own behaviors that are my self in separation from my self as life.

I commit my self to sharing the order of my personalities as a collection of my past as what I have accepted and allowed to be what I believe my self to be that is in separation from what is actually physically here and only reveal to my self my own collection of believed and accepted inferiorities and feel good superiorities, that if i have a look have no awareness of this physical world.

I commit my self to sharing how I face my own fears, where often my son has insight that has helped me to face my own habituated fears as he is life, and thus are we one and equal to one another and need not fear exposing our own accepted and allowed fears.