The resonant seed of time lines of and as myself Day 763

In my thirties I realized within the discipline of playing the violin that there were interferences within my ability to focus that were getting in the way. I did not realize the depth of this, yet I did realize that being focused was the way forward at the time. 

In some unconscious way, when I found destini I joined, lent my full name, and did not turn back. For me, because of this experience,  and experiences with the white light, there was nothing else, it all made sense. 

In walking a time line of the events I allowed, as the actions as responses I lived,  I opened up a memory of myself running outside , as a child, to a tree. I go and I sit next to the tree, and I am in an emotional chaos. Why? Because I knew that I had created something that was still with me,  had created, through my actions, a presence that hovered behind me as me. I knew, as that, probably somewhere between 6 and 7 that I had created what I was running from, that was with me. It took a few time-lines to uncover this.  It has to be before the second grade, because the tree I ran to was in the place I lived before second grade. My family moved from one state to another between 1st grade and second grade. 

This memory in tandem with my experience in my thirties of realizing I had an interference of emotional memories in regards to focusing on playing, for me, make it clear that the spells we create with our words, outlining our behaviors, becoming our personalities, are of our own creation, through acceptance and allowance.  

I am also someone who has gotten good grades in school. I remember studying things and at first, with something new, it was really slow. Yet as I read, and focused on the material, it began to build within me enough that I could talk about it. I always knew when I understood the material because I felt secure in talking about it, even when it was not the whole story, as I was taking something in, in  a bubble, and regurgitating it. It had no practical relationship to reality.  It is like sitting in a room, creating shadows and then talking about the shadows, even if the information composing the shadow, has some validity.  

What is interesting, is this is all  a math. Meaning, for example, when my children were in school, I would say to them that they should do well, in all subjects in grade school, because it was all a different language.  My one son studied art in college. Yet, when he was in grade school, I would not let him become the ‘ artist’ type that only did well in art. He was required to at least grasp the basics of other subjects. Hence, even in practical terms,  I was aware that subjects were all a different language.  It is understood that when one learns one language, it is easier to learn another.  

Within this, I want to look at another aspect of all of this that i allowed to once again happen , the other night.  Background first; When I had gone back to school, there was a professor who would tap their foot at they interacted with me. I could barely hear what they were saying, at first, because all I could do was hear that tapping foot under the table. I had to pull myself together and attend to their words. Yet, that tapping foot remains as a memory, coming forward, all loud within me! lol

Two nights ago, I was talking with this woman, who had this same kind of ‘ tick’ about her. I was allowing this to upset me, and bother, me. What I did was begin to use facts. I just started listing them.  I could say, in using facts, I was protecting myself from the self accepted bother of hearing her ‘ ticks.’ Physical ticks are like static to me on the television, like when an image comes in and out.  I was really keeping myself study and stable with information. Meanwhile, in the background I was watching her ticks. lol

Physically, her body would twitch. She was trying to control this. She kept asking me questions.

What is interesting here, is that she was doing the same thing I was doing. She was using question as looking at the subject as the words as the shield to ground herself from her own resonant seed of information. I mean it is not all bad, as we do tend to realize on some levels what is going on, and attempt to organize our ordinariness accepted and allowed. 

The moment i caught myself doing this, I stopped. I summed up with words what I wanted to say, to round out and stopped. Talking in protection and defense, creating a shield against something, is allowing that thing to be huge, it ends up going nowhere.  The conversation moved towards allowing this woman to talk about herself. 

I also had interactions with a aging family member this past week. Conversations steer towards politics etc. I notice that different colors , as I call it, come forward in relation to statements made about things happening in the world, and the rest of my family. Instead of reacting, I have slowed down and brought details forward, without a gain in sight. It is more that the change cannot be expected in one moment, it is more a building of looking at all the details. lol, I would call it bringing more presence into the whole through greater detail of the parts. I have noticed, especially within my family, that over the years, some of the things i have said, about health etc. have become the vernacular in my family. For example, in my thirties I would talk about how people are shaking, vibrating, and I was laughed at, jokes about it were made etc. There either day, this very same term was used about someone my family member and myself used. 

Overall, the tensions within me, within how this all works, are of my own creation. In time, over time, the patterns of what we are allowing are visible around me, and the means are known. 

It is interesting in the media, in relation to this, especially in my Facebook feed. This week there are two posts on protests, or support gatherings. one is for the parents of autistic children to protest the Boston Herald, and another is a gathering to support Public schools.  I don’t see individual posts of groups gathering    every day, consistently. Yet these posts were on my news feed under the heading of some coalition. If I use critical literacy, and ‘ follow the money’ I wonder why these two particular posts, that appear as a grass roots group, have consistently appeared on my feed? Especially the public school support gathering in Boston. Someone has to place the posts, which means someone is paid for this, as the sites are also well put together.  lol, it is like a resonant tick in my news feed. I don’t even remember having clicked a ‘ like’ for the sudden appearance of this group. This is also a red flag, that this agency could buy the space to appear on the news feed of my FB current without my acquiescence.  I feel like neo in the Matrix!  I could be becoming a gloom and doom state of being in relation to this, yet on some levels, it is a visible occurrence and not something to react to, this tick. 

This is all more of what I learned to do in school. Taking in information, and playing with it, using it to manipulate myself, through acceptance and reaction without real grounding, without practical consideration of who and what I am, as a physical state of being. It is participating in the shadow world of knowledge and information, used to manipulate constructions that are not grounded in consideration of the reality and the practical nature of creating. What can be done, is to continue walking, continue to point out the practical, to bring forward reality, to make reality larger than the shadow world of knowledge and information lost of consideration for all things, as respect  for this living, expressing, physical reality- that one thing that is what one is distracted from, and that one thing that is owned by a few.  It is what is in plain sight, right here. 

Just as I started to see this in the discipline of self generating as playing an instrument, and just as the child of and as  me, realized I had built a shadow resonance of experience, that remained with me, even when I tried to escape and deny it, and just as I pick up, at times the ticks as the flow of presence in another, a resonance of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions,  justifying ideological wants , needs and desires, as the focus of the self as life, causing separation from reality, so must all of us see, realize and understand this.  What defines us, is who and what we are as physical life. We must ask ourselves, what it is that we allow to distract us from being practical in this reality, this consistent and living reality all around us. 

It is time to respect the physical, to live in respect of what is in plain sight, that is owned by all, as it is what enables all to exist, as shadow imposed onto the physical or as self in full focus of reality, as the gift of creation that surrounds us. It is time to get the self in focus of life, in the presence as the focus of self onto and as what and who we are as life, as the physical. 

Resistance Day 710

Resistance

I am here, I am physical. What I think about is not what is real, yet what I think about can be a distraction from being present, from focusing here, from seeing life directly, from directing myself here, as the potential inherent in who and what I am.

I am physical.

Am I processing reality? Or, am I processing limited constructs of knowledge and information without a past of practical application? And, is this that I have allowed, as this that the very design of the present system, with so much knowledge and information flowing metaphysically on this earth, what causes me to lose all sensibility in being present in this reality?

What are the attention dis-orders compounding in our children?

Are not the churches, with all their colored windows, an earlier tech of the same as that television, that opinionated voice that is a busy work of making an idea larger than what is real?

How long have we separated ourselves from life. How many generations of separation  each accepts and allows within and as not standing up, have lead to where we are, where our children are so cognitively dissonant that they have a static resonance through which they must try and reach reality, this spatial reality in which we live.  Within this,  centuries of a disrespect of reality, the means of life, the physical. I mean why did we ever believe that we could know a tiger in a cage? How could we ever have thought that a child could be taught in a box ONLY? And from there, spend time watching another box? And, why do we not see that our financial system is by design a system of scarcity? Or is the financial system a reflection of our own accepted and allowed limitations?  Why do we lose our spatial ability as we move from childhood into  adulthood?  Why do we conceptually find it more and more difficult to process new information as we age? Why can’t we remember what happened yesterday?

Why is it so difficult to talk about politics at the dinner table? Why do we decide that what is important, as the policies we ostensibly support through voting ( that in itself in question) is not something discussed at the table? I mean, what happens instead of talk about family members, and their personalities that are in essence what determines the policies that then determine our lives, which, to come full circle, turns into a money system that by design is a system of scarcity.

Is this not reflective of very limited constructs of information that are not working? We discuss endlessly what we accept and allow and the shortcomings there of, and yet we cannot see what is so clear ; what we are within is not equal to the practical world as the physical within how that physical world works in common sense.

When we are directly seeing this actual world, we know what must be done in the moment when we focus here. And yet we do not apply the same to the lives that are on the other side of this world. Most of the families in Syria want to live their lives, enjoy their children. 

Before the King Phillip war in America,  the religious entities had declining members, because the colonists had - although not in accord with a more natural land maintenance system used by the native inhabitants of America-  the colonists had created systems of shelter and husbandry and agriculture that allowed for more leisure time. They felt secure and no longer needed to beg some imaginary god for assistance. They, the colonists had managed the land, with their hands. Nothing else did this but them. In their ‘ peace’ they also would come to realize that they did not need a sovereign to call out rules for them. They were the means of their lives.  And , perhaps, they had learned from the natives an idea that land cannot be owned, it is to take care of it, to work with it. I can only speculate, yet we are so absorbent that the attitudes of the native Americans must have influenced the colonists to some degree.

Why would a government become a corporation, with trade agreements done behind closed doors, that forced the states to use certain products of else be sued?  This is oligarchy, meaning this is each of us allowing a limited format to determine every inch of our presence and awareness about this world. Then that ‘ authority’ determines what is real and what is not, on a physical and limited planet. Why do we allow this game of separation from reality, into what becomes a cult of death? We allow an ego, composed of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions to be greater than what is real.  Moments in history have revealed this to us.  We do not need religion, we do not need a government saying it works for us, when it really works for a corporation of a few groups/individuals that bully a very very very limited form to follow. This is what we are allowing and accepting within ourselves and that shadow is the cause of great suffering to so many animals and plants and children. 

In such a short amount of time, this could change. To respect your neighbor as yourself, to realize they are a contract of information of such limited measure, that their faults are the same as yours, perhaps only different by a very narrow margin, yet having existed in such limitation, such tiny degrees of difference appear HUGE. That is the mirage of existing within very limited information.  Such inequality to life, to the physical practice of living, causes fear, it is being inferior to life, all life. The physical is life. It is the expression of life, it is the gift of life.

One has to deconstruct the beliefs, opinions and ideas layered within, as a perfect practice leads to a mastery that is significant in the degree of ease within processing the information, measurable in how this works as the lack of ease in the behaviors of projecting blame and spite outward that is the consequence of an imperfect practice.  This is invisible yet visible, as it is like a force that is the same as rejection, as resistance. Projecting blame and spite, criticizing actions and words and the things words form in another, is resisting being self responsible. It means one is not moving into solutions, into lending an ease in a moment where one can resolve what exists into a trust that no harm will be done. 

What are you wrapping your mouth around? What thoughts, as thoughts are things, are you allowing? Are you here, giving solutions that lend an ease, and move one’s self towards a mastery of living in equality to the physical? Will you move silent into death with no regrets or will you fight to survive as that ego that is a signature of very limited information and loads of protective and defensive behaviors heard so clearly in the words you speak that are of blame and spite and justification? Will you transcend the ego?

Day 564 Skeletons in the mind.

The other day I woke up in the morning and there was an image of a skeleton in my mind. Behind it were associations as a skeleton in a coffin, probably from some movie, and then an elderly person, which happens to some I have known, where in extreme age it has appeared to me that bones start to stick out. So, here is an association with an idea of death.

I could not see where this was coming from. But some mornings I wake up and there are these presences with me. They seem so random. I have attributed them to a program of growing old, to have one fear death. I forgive them and they are usually gone.

A skeleton is a skeleton, it is the structural part of the body. It is made up of certain substances that when missing, cause weakness, and as such, it can be known what is missed. This means that all these images that meander around as my mind, images impulsed by culture and media, really have nothing, absolutely nothing to do with reality. This is the smoke and mirrors show of distraction, where meaning is given based on an idea that is has no transparency, no openness to what is real as the practical physical system. If I am busy running from shadows impulsed with blingy fast moving lights from some screen, then I am not paying attention to what is real as that form that is watching the colored shadows on a “ wall.”  For all practical purposes, this is in essence what humans beings are doing, and we believe this is human nature. No, this is not human nature, this is the human using nature, as the physical,  beLIEving a memory of seeing only one aspect of nature and creating some gloomy ominousness to be more real than nature overall. It is like we are taking a recording of what is real, in a moment, and making that god/reality.

That just does not make any sense. And, to use this in self interest, well, that is just a crime against life.

This is a form of inner usury.

This has manifested as the present system.

This is a pyramid scheme.

It will not work, it cannot work, it is not working.

We need only look around, see all the egos in the chapel, and see, realize and understand that we are going to have to give everything up to get everything, which is life, which is right here, right in front of us.  We can blame no one but our individual selves, because we accepted and allowed the shadow world.

If you came across this skeleton of a snake on a table and you felt a resistance to picking it up, what is it as a belief that inhibits you from picking up what is essentially a skeleton of a snake that can do nothing to you what-so-ever? Would it be a smoke and mirrors show that you were allowing as what it is, a shadow world, to be more real than what is real? And what is it that electrifies that shadow world? Could it be your flesh? something has to.

So, this begs the question, what makes a Jew different than a Palestinian? Is it a belief, a shadow world that in essence is not real? Something that has nothing to do with reality, as what holds that belief system, which is that all men are the same?

Are we bombing children based on a shadow world? And is this not using the physical in a usurious way to support what is only a belief, and actually destroying the means of life, which is the physical information, to do so?

If we want democracy, the voice of the people, we have to become the voice of life, and remove the shadow world. Which means the imagination as the mind, must be aligned to the physical, equal and one to it in common sense of it.  We will all in the end suffer the consequences of the violence and destruction to the physical unless we realize it is life and what we have allowed as mind is not life. We have the principle, to take that which is good and does no harm, to become the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, to give as we would want to receive, to become equal and one with and as the physical. This is the real human nature.

Day 563 Facing the Shadow World of Limitation.

I realize that in talking with others, where i have to change the measure of their words that I become full of friction. I fear standing up against their belief constructions. Even though I begin to do this, I still find myself being anxious about it, trying to manipulate what they are saying to  keep it polite and thereby missing revealing my own personal experiences in ways that show my own process. It is like I am used to talking in competition, where i say what I did and how it worked. I don’t reveal my own misgivings in my own process, my own limitations of belief that I had to get past.

For example, in the situation above, I could say that my child was having a problem with understanding something, one time, and I had to get out of my own head, my own worries, my own interests and occupations, and also move through an idea that maybe I would not be able to help my son with his school work which I did not want my son to know. So, I was afraid and annoyed and yet I did it. What I found was in stopping within my own self interests, I distanced myself from my own worries and sometimes found solutions, and the school work I had to help with was not so scary, and sometimes I even encountered a perspective from my children that revealed insights I would not have discovered. So, in the end it was cool.

In so many ways, our limitations as our beliefs, opinions and ideas, are a shadow world, composed of feelings and emotions; they are not real. My fear, was a shadow based on an idea of loss, one that had no common sense directive. So, in a sense, my fear of facing measures of limitation as the words of others, is a fear of dispersing a shadow. Shadows can appear to be tumultuous storm clouds but in  a special effect only, what is behind them is a practical world, the measure of which is right there in front of us, we need only look to see, realize and understand that what we think is ominous is of our own ma-king.