Drowning in the imagination Day 803

Drowning in the imagination

We spend 13 years in a box, being told stories about this world, a general scaffold of information in separation is imparted through a direct instruction model without real direct access to the real movement of this reality. We practice this in our minds ONLY. Because we become what we practice we automate and get stuck in, thinking that is of association to limited information without any real practice development. We are drowning in our imaginations. Like too much water or too little water, we kill an innate absorbent ability to see the qualities of reality and work with them effectively. 

The insecurity such a state creates is a loss of real focus. That spin in the mis-use of the imagination gets in the way and causes problems in our interactions with reality, as the very SOUND as the words we speak are all tied to that which we have practiced as ordered ourselves as, within a limited set body of information that becomes a spin of values of and as limited information, that we associate to and with when using words, because our words, our language has been practiced in relation to processing limited stories about things, that are not the whole story and thus, cause language to have no relation to reality. Thus we are drowning in our imaginations and it causes polarities as value judgements because it is insecure, it has no real living substantial thing to stabilize it. Then one is inferior to reality and cannot communicate and then spends focus on trying to sort that out: one’s words, one’s language is not in synch with reality, with the place of real doing. Our schools are bringing forward social/emotional templates which is social engineering necessary to balance out a lack of real focus that is caused by a mis-use of the imagination as an overuse of the imagination, without any real direct interaction with reality. It is the kind of situation that is of doing the same thing again and again and expecting a change. There is a reason why this is called insanity. AND, this in tandem with one of our most respected and famous people being a doer, who is saying the same things! Elon Musk is saying that public schools indoctrinate , and in being so busy doing so, they are not allowing a child to discover how things work! 

How did we get tho this point of being afraid to do, to be, to get the instrument of ourselves, as our bodies so out of whack with real and effective DOING? Obviously our children can learn because they can remember all the names of the movie stars, thus the problem of not that children cannot learn.  

I had a friend visit yesterday morning. He talked about things that had happened in his life in relation to sexual accusations. This is all over the media at the moment. My visitor came with stories of accusations in the past that had no reality, and he was worried that accusations would come out within my relationship to him. The spin of fear, the spin of stories and possible stories coming at me, that had no relationship to the common sense of the situation. He is a client of mine, and he comes to talk over a cup of coffee, that is all. He point blank asked me is I would do something like accuse him of sexual misconduct? At that point what can I say? He was so in a spin of fear, that all I could do was remain calm, as I also know from experience that these storms of fear, of a lack of real presence, will pass. At this point I said to remain in common sense, seeing that this was not what had happened, and that I did not have a history of being such, and to realize the use of glom and doom, as fear, that can become so blinding because in terms of processing information effectively, fear has one move in slow motion, in a state of thick invisible uncertainty to the extent things appear to be heavy and not what is real. This becomes  a practice if focused on for too long and then expedites as information, meaning one processes it faster, just as when one learns a real skill and becomes more capable within that skill over time, and pretty soon, that information is a small movement, like a ghost in the machine, to the extent one cannot remember and read that info correctly, and it becomes a trigger into itself as some vague emotion, in a way, causing a resistance to reality, and a suppression of common sense, and pretty soon, one no longer knows why one cannot move in this reality! One has a forgotten resistance to something that is simply a moment of making a value judgement in fear, that is then a part of the information of one, that one uses because one has practiced drowning in the imagination, and cannot understand how the movements in the machine were built. The person standing there, telling a story of inflamed information that is not grounded in reality, and filled with hyper polarized ideas made larger than life. And yet, it is so small, as to be invisible, much like a ripple moving through the machine, and loud through the mis-use of words, all tied through association to that imagination filled with mis-information from an extreme scenario also made larger than life through our media. Our media is a reflection of a mis-use of our imaginations.

All of this spin of separation from reality must be reverse engineered, and ourselves grounded back into correct use of our presence, our absorbent ability, to become solution oriented to this living physical reality that involves practical actions that is a state requiring we be focused here. To turn the tide takes the effort of recognizing the spins into misinformation that is always colored with fear, that state of accepting an angle of response as the lesser evil instead of being present and realizing in every action what does no harm to this physical reality. This means taking the good, and respecting all things, which would by design get one out of centuries of passing down a seed of information to the next generation that is more of the same as that mis-use of the imagination through an imbalance of making what is in one’s mind larger than the reality around us.  No one can recompose what is in the self but the self. One must recognize a movement into fear, and how such practiced repetitions of fear can lead to the most subtle of resistances to reading the reality around one. It is all a math in plain sight.

The mechanisms of separation are the churches - as it has been said - to control a human, one places them in a box, and fills them with stories of a better life somewhere else all the while the resources are slowly controlled into a false and limited construction via a paper castle owned by a few. What is the military industrial complex but a false construct desiring control, but a reflection of what each desires, which is self control, which is self mastery, which is being able to move one’s self effectively in this reality. What behaviors do middle school students reveal but a desire to participate? The actions of acting our showing us to ourselves, as the information within is not structured in ways that lend a direct seeing, to place a correct use of an innate absorbent ability into building skill sets that have a living relationship to practical reality? As humans we desire to participate, as humans we are most happy and most calm when we are communicating with this reality. An inability to do so simply reflects our right and left brains are not in synch, our focus mechanism, is not in line, in focus with this living reality. It is the most simple of things, what is complicated is the practiced movement of judgement of right and wrong, within self defining movements, within, causing an elevated and hyper inflated-of-limited-values resonance within, distracting a natural ability to move though the eye-of-the-needle of an as self as presence, as sentient nature, a life nature, into reading and thus reeding/sounding/reciprocating  life, which is in plain sight and physical. At present, this mis-use of the imagination, is but a ripple of ideas, beliefs, and opinions, circling in various stages of grief, initiated as fear, within the self that ends up hoping for a greater life somewhere else, and begging some invisible authority to forgive one for one’s transgressions instead of self realizing that self embraced fear over seeing directly as respecting this reality and focusing here, to instead always move in ways that do not harm. This is building real presence. This is synching with self mastery into the small and the whole. This is realizing a living breathing wholistic equality to all things that are here, as they are so much more substantial than that ripple, as a whirling string of mis-information composed of limited information, separating one from a real focus where one would find real happiness. 

Slow dow and breath, realize even the smallest movements of resistance to what is here. Remember past actions and forgive them, see where one gets lost in the sequences of grief, and call these things out by name, to recognize them and redirect one’s focus back into reality as the physical, understanding how all of this works. Reverse engineer the within to be in synch with life, as life is physical and in plain sight, which is common sense. This is the reason for the living word, to align one’s words, with a correct practice, to not only see the mis-use of the imagination but also to realign one’s innate presence back into being grounded and whole, as being equal and one to the physical creation that is the gift of life and all around us. Imagine an orchestra being in tune, being in synch, being in communication, all parts hearing all the other parts, and realizing that all parts help define one, help place one into being in synch and creating a sound world, one that flows in an expression of life, as that would be heaven on earth, just as we were told. 

There are tools to help one do this. There are tools to recognize the practiced patterns within, and how to rebuild a focus without. Distraction is used to separate and yet it can be used to distract one from a mis-use of the imagination, to the extent one can see the timed lines of information whirling around within one, that have a quality of pulling one into a polarized value judgment, and not a specific action that lends correct self direction in this living reality, to the extent one creates and builds effective communication with what is here, which manifests in ways that live doing no harm, as one would want for one’s self. 

One must stand up, and  call out by name the constructs of separation into hyper inflated value judgements. The anecdotal stories are all around us, they are of ripples and they are a state of being out of synch with reality. They have the nature of not being calm as that absorbent state is and does. They are of sequences that are the same as the sequences of grief, and they distract us from seeing directly here and have us live as beggars for some authority to come and save us from ourselves. Yet only the self can bring back in the fractions of separation resonant within and projected without, and reverse engineer one’s natural presence to mirror the living physical life in formation in plain sight, a physical life that is getting sicker and sicker, because the real life is being pulled from it into the opposite of life, which is fear. One way is to realize, in the most simple of ways, that at present, in the United States that the minimum wage is not a living wage, whereas since the 70’s this through a movement of gradual layers of justifications has become a difference of a high school student being able to work a summer job and attend college, to that no longer being financially viable. This limits real doing, and real opportunity that leads to a resonant seed in synch with this life in plain sight. 

One must recognize that emotions are a movement into loss, into fear, into not-enough-information. And that feelings are often false positives, that are justifications for the emotion that is an absence of effective presence in reality, and a movement into insecurity and fear as a loss of holistic presence. That such practices can accumulate into and are composed of, a resonant time-line of and as a story of sequences of movement as events that come to define the self through acceptance, and distort through a veil of mis-information the real and physical living formation around us that is physical life. One must realize that placing children in a isolated environment to memorize information, is a mis-use of capacity, and the reason for increasing levels of cognitive dissonance with each generation, as what we generate in one life resonates into the next, unless we stop. All religions have the golden rule as their base, in this we are all the same. When we give as we would receive, and take that which is good, as that which does no harm, by degree it means being focused here, respecting the physical reality, realizing that our resonant constructs are products of the environment as we learned to work with here yet made the mis-take of believing our within is larger than the reality around us. In so doing, we made our environmental practices into cultures, that then forgot how we were built, and made idols of those resonant experiences, and created borders based on that resonance, to the extent we fought for our resonant constructions that were all composed from the culture of the environment, yet must be able to live transformative change in every moment which demands a direct focus and respect of the physical reality. The loss of authority precipitated the need for authority, showing ourselves to ourselves, which so many of our stories reveal. There is only one choice, to forgive what has been generated and to reconstruct, as reverse engineer our resonant information to become in synch with the living reality. This is the only place where life can exist. And, it makes sense, as it is the means to being life here. 

One must correct one’s presence and focus onto life, as it is here in plain sight. 

What is the truth? What is truth? Day 766

The process of what one does and moves as and focuses on is the process of self forgiveness. It means to realize how we move within ourselves and what effects that movement of the part as the person and what forms that person, does in this physical reality. As all parts effect the whole. The sum of the parts composes the whole. One must consider the whole and the effects one has on the whole when making a choice.

if our children are placed in a box for 13 years, on average and are told to memorize a story, is there any real practice on the whole? No, there is  a practice on a story told by observers about something, which can never be the real thing and becomes a picture about something because that is, no matter how close, never the real thing.  It is a design that is not working and because of the simplicity of the creation of practicing a non- real relationship with the whole that one is a naturally a part of, a separation from reality is the outcome. We see this in the growing ill-ness or dis-ease through the label we lend to the problem as cognitive disorders and processing disorders. Thus we have the capacity to see, we see the default and yet are so self involved from the same background, that we have no real spatial ability to see the movement of all the parts and what our effects as the choices we make, create. 

Inherent in the accepted design of our schools is the inherent separation from reality in the adults. I saw a video yesterday where a child was talking to cat, and what heard the child saying is something like, we are looking here, seeing here, we are not looking at the pictures. In walking time lines of and as how I created my own separation from reality, a memory comes up that astounds me, it was so buried and yet a part of that memory remains with me, even though I could not remember the exact memory. I was in a moment as a child, where i had realized that I had created something that was with me, that would have to process through me. I was upset about it and did not want to move through it. A pattern that has remained with me. That one thought of not wanting this to happen again, in a way developed an avoidance of interacting in ways that created the same scenario. It is a root movement into indignation, as indignation is not wanting to dig into something. Being in such a state is a constant protection, which becomes a distraction, or a lack of focus on this reality, causing a separation as so much of what is here is missed. The consequences of such a separation can only grow insecurity as so much of what is real is missed. It is a math, it is visible.

We see this on the world stage, where there is so much conflict between nations and between many factions, even down to the municipal level. We have a war for resources to reform them in the guise of good and yet the earth has become so polluted that cancer in the last decade kills more children than what was the previous number one killer of children which was by accident. In the law of compounding effects, all those supposed ‘ no significant differences’ as the choices made to practice, have accumulated and are now effecting the most innocent, destroying their life before it is even begun. 

We are using resources to form some idea about how life should be instead of realizing how life is. What did we expect when we followed stories instead of practical reality as the physical? Did it start with forcing agricultural practices that did not move in tandem with the physical? Is the whole permaculture movement about moving back to working with nature instead of forcing her into some monopolistic model, which is telling of the problem in the first place? Is monoculture the model of efficiency that we have been told, as storied information accepted and allowed to be sold to is that it is? 

If our public schools by design are a narrowing of focus into a limited narrative, then what is religion overall but a distraction of a story of information separate from the physical and practical reality. When a nation believes that some god said a land was their people’s land even thought the obvious is right in front of those people that they are all the same, they eat and defecate just like all the animals, why do we not see the delusion if information before reality?  We believe the story of information told to us, as we become the program of the information told to us, as story that is a distraction from reality, that we have made the story larger than life, even to the detriment of our children, those that have no story within them and when the resonance of the past as what was generated and accepted and allowed before them, comes up, do they understand how to recognize it, and does it too compound causing cancer coming from that past as mis-information that is a story line separate from this practical and physical reality? It is a much better and more sound explanation that any of the corpus of information sold via stories told in a box away from practical reality. 

All the conflict on this earth is the battle for the mind via mis-information, via false stories that ignore the practical and physical reality that is the means of life, that is life information. And it is right here in front of us. 

What is a truth? Try holding your breath, and see what happens. Thus the physical reality, the one thing we are allowing ourselves to be distracted from, is what is real. We are all the same. 

The resonant seed of time lines of and as myself Day 763

In my thirties I realized within the discipline of playing the violin that there were interferences within my ability to focus that were getting in the way. I did not realize the depth of this, yet I did realize that being focused was the way forward at the time. 

In some unconscious way, when I found destini I joined, lent my full name, and did not turn back. For me, because of this experience,  and experiences with the white light, there was nothing else, it all made sense. 

In walking a time line of the events I allowed, as the actions as responses I lived,  I opened up a memory of myself running outside , as a child, to a tree. I go and I sit next to the tree, and I am in an emotional chaos. Why? Because I knew that I had created something that was still with me,  had created, through my actions, a presence that hovered behind me as me. I knew, as that, probably somewhere between 6 and 7 that I had created what I was running from, that was with me. It took a few time-lines to uncover this.  It has to be before the second grade, because the tree I ran to was in the place I lived before second grade. My family moved from one state to another between 1st grade and second grade. 

This memory in tandem with my experience in my thirties of realizing I had an interference of emotional memories in regards to focusing on playing, for me, make it clear that the spells we create with our words, outlining our behaviors, becoming our personalities, are of our own creation, through acceptance and allowance.  

I am also someone who has gotten good grades in school. I remember studying things and at first, with something new, it was really slow. Yet as I read, and focused on the material, it began to build within me enough that I could talk about it. I always knew when I understood the material because I felt secure in talking about it, even when it was not the whole story, as I was taking something in, in  a bubble, and regurgitating it. It had no practical relationship to reality.  It is like sitting in a room, creating shadows and then talking about the shadows, even if the information composing the shadow, has some validity.  

What is interesting, is this is all  a math. Meaning, for example, when my children were in school, I would say to them that they should do well, in all subjects in grade school, because it was all a different language.  My one son studied art in college. Yet, when he was in grade school, I would not let him become the ‘ artist’ type that only did well in art. He was required to at least grasp the basics of other subjects. Hence, even in practical terms,  I was aware that subjects were all a different language.  It is understood that when one learns one language, it is easier to learn another.  

Within this, I want to look at another aspect of all of this that i allowed to once again happen , the other night.  Background first; When I had gone back to school, there was a professor who would tap their foot at they interacted with me. I could barely hear what they were saying, at first, because all I could do was hear that tapping foot under the table. I had to pull myself together and attend to their words. Yet, that tapping foot remains as a memory, coming forward, all loud within me! lol

Two nights ago, I was talking with this woman, who had this same kind of ‘ tick’ about her. I was allowing this to upset me, and bother, me. What I did was begin to use facts. I just started listing them.  I could say, in using facts, I was protecting myself from the self accepted bother of hearing her ‘ ticks.’ Physical ticks are like static to me on the television, like when an image comes in and out.  I was really keeping myself study and stable with information. Meanwhile, in the background I was watching her ticks. lol

Physically, her body would twitch. She was trying to control this. She kept asking me questions.

What is interesting here, is that she was doing the same thing I was doing. She was using question as looking at the subject as the words as the shield to ground herself from her own resonant seed of information. I mean it is not all bad, as we do tend to realize on some levels what is going on, and attempt to organize our ordinariness accepted and allowed. 

The moment i caught myself doing this, I stopped. I summed up with words what I wanted to say, to round out and stopped. Talking in protection and defense, creating a shield against something, is allowing that thing to be huge, it ends up going nowhere.  The conversation moved towards allowing this woman to talk about herself. 

I also had interactions with a aging family member this past week. Conversations steer towards politics etc. I notice that different colors , as I call it, come forward in relation to statements made about things happening in the world, and the rest of my family. Instead of reacting, I have slowed down and brought details forward, without a gain in sight. It is more that the change cannot be expected in one moment, it is more a building of looking at all the details. lol, I would call it bringing more presence into the whole through greater detail of the parts. I have noticed, especially within my family, that over the years, some of the things i have said, about health etc. have become the vernacular in my family. For example, in my thirties I would talk about how people are shaking, vibrating, and I was laughed at, jokes about it were made etc. There either day, this very same term was used about someone my family member and myself used. 

Overall, the tensions within me, within how this all works, are of my own creation. In time, over time, the patterns of what we are allowing are visible around me, and the means are known. 

It is interesting in the media, in relation to this, especially in my Facebook feed. This week there are two posts on protests, or support gatherings. one is for the parents of autistic children to protest the Boston Herald, and another is a gathering to support Public schools.  I don’t see individual posts of groups gathering    every day, consistently. Yet these posts were on my news feed under the heading of some coalition. If I use critical literacy, and ‘ follow the money’ I wonder why these two particular posts, that appear as a grass roots group, have consistently appeared on my feed? Especially the public school support gathering in Boston. Someone has to place the posts, which means someone is paid for this, as the sites are also well put together.  lol, it is like a resonant tick in my news feed. I don’t even remember having clicked a ‘ like’ for the sudden appearance of this group. This is also a red flag, that this agency could buy the space to appear on the news feed of my FB current without my acquiescence.  I feel like neo in the Matrix!  I could be becoming a gloom and doom state of being in relation to this, yet on some levels, it is a visible occurrence and not something to react to, this tick. 

This is all more of what I learned to do in school. Taking in information, and playing with it, using it to manipulate myself, through acceptance and reaction without real grounding, without practical consideration of who and what I am, as a physical state of being. It is participating in the shadow world of knowledge and information, used to manipulate constructions that are not grounded in consideration of the reality and the practical nature of creating. What can be done, is to continue walking, continue to point out the practical, to bring forward reality, to make reality larger than the shadow world of knowledge and information lost of consideration for all things, as respect  for this living, expressing, physical reality- that one thing that is what one is distracted from, and that one thing that is owned by a few.  It is what is in plain sight, right here. 

Just as I started to see this in the discipline of self generating as playing an instrument, and just as the child of and as  me, realized I had built a shadow resonance of experience, that remained with me, even when I tried to escape and deny it, and just as I pick up, at times the ticks as the flow of presence in another, a resonance of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions,  justifying ideological wants , needs and desires, as the focus of the self as life, causing separation from reality, so must all of us see, realize and understand this.  What defines us, is who and what we are as physical life. We must ask ourselves, what it is that we allow to distract us from being practical in this reality, this consistent and living reality all around us. 

It is time to respect the physical, to live in respect of what is in plain sight, that is owned by all, as it is what enables all to exist, as shadow imposed onto the physical or as self in full focus of reality, as the gift of creation that surrounds us. It is time to get the self in focus of life, in the presence as the focus of self onto and as what and who we are as life, as the physical. 

What is Draining the Swamp ? Day 752

I had a conversation within someone where the ‘ math’ or equation as words contained value judgements as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Myself, though not emotionally reactive to a large degree, found myself rushing to answer to ideas brought forward. It is about, for me at the moment, bringing things down to practical basics, or, down to real time, on a physical planet, down to the ground, to the simple.

It is when things are voiced again, as though being brought forward as a truth, lacking details of the basics as to what we human beings are, and how we accumulated what we practice in thought, word and deed,  that I sense within me a rushing, which is a fear, as a drive to be correct or right. In this I lose my own perspective, and begin to drive, to combat, to force, to beg. 

I noticed that my shoulders come forward as though they are a protective border for my chest, as though I sink in my chest, thrust out my arms in a behavior of expecting a blow. IT is as though the ‘ blow’ of something, already happened. It is as though, the words or behaviors which are a collection of words, reflecting ideas, opinions and beliefs, based on a past, on an environment, where the words also reveal wants and needs in relation to fulfilling ideas, and beliefs and opinions, to make such correct, or dominant, towards a goal that is in itself, lacking consideration of all things, of the basic starting point of being a physical being on a physical planet. Instead, a layer of ideology, lacking practical consideration, is what is projected, personified, self defining, becoming a self interest elevated from the practical, this in itself lacking in any real sustainability, thus the nature of it, is, as energy, unsustainable, uncertain, and therefor, this has a forcing that is justification, because one has to get this out fast, in a way, before it is exposed, revealed, seen for what it is as what a justification hides. An emotional firewall of distraction, in protection of what?  

With the way I hold my shoulders, there is an underlying belief, that I am constantly in combat, as such movements of self preservation as personality, are the way things are. I must brace myself for the storm. It is so interesting, how what we practice, as what we believe, accumulates into physical behaviors, where I, as a reference, realize that I practiced this fear, this protection and defense, based on expectation as a judgement, that I am constantly being bombarded with stories of information lacking practical grounding in reality, ( as I am/was the same as what I speak of)  and that I must brace myself for this. I was so busy with this that I did not realize that which I did, that which I accepted, that which I then practiced, based on a belief, again and again and again, until this became so automated and embedded into my flesh, that it took time within slowing down and breathing, getting out and working through this, until I began to notice myself own self accepted constructions automated into my very flesh, determining my starting point, even when I realized this, slowed down listened to the words of others - all based in the same manner yet of differing measure - that I began to see where the process of synchronizing all of this, within and without, revealed how much I was doing that which I was unaware of, it had become such a habit. And, to note, that I feel like I am having deja vu, in this moment, because I have been here before, realizing the depth of my own deception in the construction of my own personification, of ideas, beliefs and opinions. 

How, on the one hand, within learning a musical instrument, I could see what the accumulation of my actions allowed, and moved into a flow, that I could them become automated in, to the degree where I actually lost control, and then had to reintegrate my movements with presence, and yet, not see this in who and what I am as a living human being on a physical planet? The simplicity with which manipulation is achieved, is astounding. Chaos, is done through limitation. That limitation separates from a natural awareness, as evident in the fact that children are not born with the dogma of religion or politics. And at this point in history, we can see that the religions and politics we allow on this planet, are not grounded in practical applications that consider all things and only take that which does no harm, which, to note, would mean that ensuring no harm means really taking the time to understand things, practically. Our religions and political systems tout themselves as lending morality, which if they need to tout this, it begs the question as to why? Because having to say something in a separate context, means that it is no longer self evident- which is a red flag in itself. A real morality, would be an honesty about the practical, giving as one would receive, which means doing unto another as the self would for the self, and the self, as life, would in a state of balance, not choose harm. 

In my conversation, that I noticed a rushing to prove something, even though smaller, I noticed my shoulders and chest taking on a formation of “expectation of coming blows”, done verbally, as a math of constructs as ideas, that I had to move in some way towards. It can be so subtle, what has accumulated and become automatically personified. When I am this, I am not objective about the content, nor am I as available to the math as the words, because I am caught up in a focus of expectation as protection, instead of real processing of reality. Again, I must realize that nothing can define me, but what I accept and allow.  And, that what is here can be ‘ played’ with as reformed, as grounded in the practical, in synch with this reality. And, also, that words can be used to define, to clarify, and to investigate to lend greater presence into awareness of all things. It is, in some ways, that considering the physical, is far easier than moving through mind constructs that I have me-more-eyed ( a resonant energy memory), automated and inter-netted within and as me, in separation from reality. Being in the math of a resonant memory, moves, by design, like a slow motion syrup. At times, with some, it is as though it can be sensed as a thick moving time frame- like a piece of music lost in a tempo unaware of itself. 

In tandem with this, is that sense of ‘ playing’ in a quiet and calm manner, where that construct of information comes like a movie towards me, as words, and behaviors somewhat similar to my own, of different dimension and color, as that same automation in others as my own, that sometimes I get a glimpse of, a sense of joy as being at ease can exist. It is like it is a problem that can be solved, like when one really knows their algebra, and can see the answer to the equation instantly, as one has practiced it enough to get to that point.  And yet, again, a morality in some way, within me, that moving into being playful and joyful about this, is simply not allowed. It is like a line I cannot cross. I see fear, and a belief that such is not possible. Like, how dare I even think about being this. And a sense that being so, leads to mistakes. Yet, if I look, the one fed the other, as the protection and defense system of expecting blows, which is a belief that I am somehow not enough, as I did not know how to decode and recode with clear communication, as I was more than likely a child, lacking language, that this whole persona - as a math, as a measure- was the choice that I made. I accepted and allowed this, and no one can change this but the self as me. It does not matter if it is my fault alone or not. And yet, calling this out by name, cancels it out, as calling things by name takes away that which is supposed, or assumed to be hidden. It is like, ‘ I can no longer go there.”

I met with another person, who agreed with the things I am saying above, and yet, on another front they denied in action that of which they agreed. They said they could not read a book that presented information through a venue that was overall counter to their belief.  This means they could not process out the relationship within the overall venue, to see the good in the book that was more of a universal form. This in itself,  reveals a relationship too polarized and of judgement, as the emotional value judgement about something, was too prominent, to bypass, to see through the graph into the substantive elements in the construct.  I myself am guilty of this, as there are books I pick up to read that have so much clutter around a cool point, that I decide to put them down.  

Last night I tested this out, and picked up such a book, and decided to highlight the key points that made sense, around the clutter. It made processing the form, the information, with greater ease, as I gave myself a behavior, to ground in the noise of the book’s words. It was also a point of looking at where I was rushing through passages, to make sure I was clear on my assessment, and to see that the person writing the book was themselves processing to make more sense. We must remember that words on a page, are just that, they can never be the real thing, and they always describe something. Unless one has real living experience with something, one cannot make a determination that the words on a page are valid. And, to realize, that there is so much in our immediate environments that reflect this reality, that we can relate things to the world around us to realize if words on a page are indeed substantive.  For example, I have seen more and more wild animals with mange that I can remember in my local environment. This is a red flag, because it shows an imbalance in nature, a tipping point in some way. With all the chemicals humans are taking and using, as pesticides and herbicides, did we not realize that such things of apparent no-significant-difference would eventually accumulate in our environments though our discharge of waste from what we eat and the chemicals that we take to supposedly maintain our health?  Would not such things in the law of building through accumulation, become an elephant in the room,  to the extent they burdened the environment to the point it weakened and effected the natural wild life? Yes, and this reveals how deep and ingrained is a personification in separation from this living reality. One must ask one’s self how automated has one become as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that motivate actions in a zombified way that is  a state of distraction via a composed resonant memory, to the extent one is not aware of what one places in one’s body and how much, over time the accumulation of such, as tiny small movements, affects the ecology of the planet. 

The quantification of separation is visible, in every move, in every word. One need only slow down, breath, begin to deconstruct one’s accepted and allowed personality as automated behaviors, and see through the emotional firewall built of limited and supposed beliefs to this living physical reality. One must, open up one’s chest of sensibility , as presence, and realize the value is life, as living in a physical composition as what life would be within the very means as the physical and being present within this, in consideration of all things, realizing the patterns of separation as a lack of focus on this living reality. Overall, what is more constant, is the symbiotic regenerative nature of a tree, than what are the practices of men at this point in time on this earth. One must change up one’s processing, deconstruct a resonant memory and begin moving  in relating words to reality, and thereby, begin to see in the momentum a default of automated beliefs, made personalities and deconstruct them to reconstruct a more balanced and grounded and respectful practice that is a relationship of living equal and one to how things are built, and how things in nature work, and how one can move more in synch with life. 

Teach Talking as the Education of Experience Day 735

I played music for so long that I got to the point where when a mistake happened it meant correcting something, that is all.  There was no one to blame only the correction to make.

I remember a stand partner, who rushed at a certain point and myself becoming irritated because of this rushing. I could hear how the section was practiced. This player, who was capable, played the section as though it were an exercise. Within this, it means the group was no longer the connection, it was a meter and a line directing the player, without sensing the greater movement of the group. Thus, this stand partner was always a little ahead of the group movement. For me this meant having something else to listen to, the group’s rhythm and her rhythm. It is standing in a space with movement and there are conflicting movements happening. So that I do not become my stand partners ‘ meter in a space’ I had to listen past this player to remain grounded in the movement of the whole musical group.  My thought, laced with irritation, was that rushing through a section because one is either afraid of it, or does not really know it well enough (same thing) is not fun, lol, is not fundamental, meaning is not remaining grounded, as in listening to the whole and moving with it.  I also thought that this partner probably did not have the time to practice the piece, as the money paid for performing with this group, was not enough to allow that more careful practice. 

This stand partner probably had too many other things to do in the name of survival.  I know that because one can be asked to perform, and the idea of a payment that includes the time it takes to get musicians together to practice, is something that appears to not be in the awareness of the entities paying to have a performance, they do not seem to remember all the background time spent getting to a point where a person, and especially a group, comes together to make the desired music requested! So many times, I simply sight read themusic, yet, could hear that a greater intimacy and expression could be what was presented if there were but one or even two rehearsals. Everything starts to become a rush job, which ends up compounding over time, into such things as I experienced, as a stand partner who rushes in a certain section, no longer caring, just wanting to get through, even though, this person was probably aware of this, and did the best they could. They were uncomfortable afterwards, a subtle tension happening, which indicates a sense of not being in sync. We are, very aware, and very capable, we know what we do. We hear the backlash of justifications that are like a post balancing act to excuse our actions. This overall, reveals the means to correction is inherent in us at all times. We must become the living math of creation, accepting nothing but what balances us in being present in real time, with here, on this earth. This earth is the real orchestrated creation, capable of balancing itself out, to remain in harmony. lol, remain embracing here, or, wrapping our arms around here. Here is the ‘ oneness’ another word within the word harmony. The ‘y’ being an ‘ i’ as though we are individual and yet one at the same time. 

My point here, is reacting with irritation, is self interest and the projection of blame. In this case being annoyed that I have to counter movement with my stand partner, I have to listen to them and the whole, and remain balanced, where it would be more natural for us to move together, more pleasing, as I have had this experience too. Being in synch with the neighboring musician is fun. The being in synch is fundamental and thus more grounded. That feels more stable than countering movements. That I allow a countering movement to disturb me, where I react,  is not standing in stability. I should know enough, within experience, to know that listening and remaining stable, within the whole, is a greater state, as it often is then followed, and movements will naturally rebalance in space. Thus, reaction only fuels the fire of imbalance.

This brings me to the point of facing resistances, which are really only ‘ not having the whole story’ or a lack of addressing limitations. It is like getting stuck in a meter, or a measure, as an idea, or the consequence of such practice, as in not being up to a speed of considering some aspects.  In this, one is leaving a part of one’s self behind and enetering a bubble of contrasting beats lacking connection to the whole. This separation in turn will be the voice, will be the seeming resistance, and the ensuing justifications will reverberate, just as they have within myself, and as a tension between two people. as that justification happens in silence, yet is present in the space. With my stand partner, it meant a couple of rehearsals where we did not speak to one another, as though we were hiding that past, it being too close to the moment and thus remembered. Things like this happen a lot within the inherent intimacy of playing an instrument, where the body is so focused on time and space. One cannot hide. After all, we have a saying in music that if one can hear the player thinking, they do not really know the piece. One plays in such a way, that the listener cannot hear the thinking. 

My point here, is that the state of not being connected, in any given situation, will cause the storm of separation, as all the justifications and beliefs come forward. There is no escaping it.  The solution is to never react, as I did with irritation, it only fuels the fire. I must expect the limitations, not allow them to irritate me, and to the best of my ability, listen to what is here, and ground myself within that, telling the real story, bringing it back to myself, as who and what I am as a physical being, here.  

I said something yesterday in the presence of two other people. Immediately there was a reaction.  The one person that reacted, did not speak, they simply made a grunting noise. lol.  I wanted the person to speak up, yet, in some ways they could not.  They needed more information before speaking up. For me, it is allowing such things to happen not expecting them or resisting them, as in so many ways I am in an orchestrated set body of information that has lost its connection to the whole. Thus, every move is grounding myself no matter what. This means, bringing it back to self/

What precipitated this blog is a message written by one of our autistic children. 

“DARING EACH TALKING PERSON TO WALK IN SILENCE FOR PEOPLE TO USE EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. YES. GIVE THE CHALLENGE. TEACH TALKING IS SO MEANINGFUL WHEN YOU LIVE WITHOUT IT DAILY LIKE ME AND FELLOW TYPERS"

Here is the link to the video:

https://www.facebook.com/leslie.h.weed/videos/10206438532902033/?pnref=story

It is that statement of “ daring each person to walk in silence ( and ) for people to use EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. 

Then, to place this statement into “ teach talking” is astounding, as it means, for me, that this woman is saying to only speak, to only talk, from real experience. It suggests for me, that this autistic person is saying that there is too much speaking about things that one has no real experience with and as, This means that we all talk within speaking memorized theories about things, which have no real substance, and thus, cannot really be heard because there is no real understanding. This means so few speak or move from being present, from experience, from real living. This child realizes that few are really listening, few are hearing the silence, to then speak in consideration of what is here, what is real. She is saying, for me, that speaking from real experience has much greater substance, and thus meaning, and that without this, life is very difficult. 

Within this, I realize that when I bring whatever information comes towards me, back to self, back to my living experiences, as practical things I have done, I can tell a real story, one that has greater meaning in that it can be shared and given, as real solutions, even within grounding my own mistakes from speaking as theory before real experience. To do this often means listening to myself and what it means to practice being here, in this reality, on this earth. 

In terms of my experiences within music, instead of blaming and spiting, it is to realize how the present system influences outcomes, and to not become irritated, to remain as much as possible within being grounded and stable, to the point where I ‘ teach talking’ through an educing, or education ( of) experience opposed to theory- as something I memorized or lived within my imagination only, without real practical application.  With my stand partner, it might have been to say something like, ‘ I sometimes have to become more mechanical than present, because I do not always have the time to practice a section because I am so busy making a living” Such a statement might not allow the space to change this, immediately, yet it will not inflame a situation. Instead it will bring in more compassion, a compass of understanding that in turn creates a more peaceful environment that then causes less tension, opening more space to process this reality. This would change the very nature of the next time a passage comes along that is not integrated as well as one would want, and be played in such a way that there is more awareness of the self in relation to the surroundings, and what then is played, is a ‘ talking’ that is more aware of a real experience. Often such insight opening, in itself, begins a self correction because there is more space and time, than we are aware of when lost in reactions, to live a real change into being more aware, present and grounded. It is in this space that corrections are made, are lived. 

Thus, when I talk, when I speak, I bring it back to myself, and I fear nothing, because I am here. I can educate through a talk that is of experience rather than theory. I can cross reference what is real, what has a meaning grounded in practice, in experience. This does not irritate, this grounds. This has not the clutter of an imagination of ideas about things, memorized, without real practice, this has a greater substance, and that is what really educates a person. This is sharing real experience, practical living experience.  Of course, this child admits that so many are not listening, and instead  talking theory instead of reality. This is what is here, thus reactions and the scream of theory, and the justifications for this theory are all around us, meaning that scream of limitation is going to happen, nothing to take personally, and not something that can define who and what I am. Will I make mistakes, as I am a product of this present system, yes. Well, I did not learn to crawl and to walk, or to play the violin without making mistakes. I am the only person that decides who and what I am, no one else can do that for me. I can become more grounded here, in this living reality. This is who and what I really am.