Segmented practices that show us who we are. Day 769

Why do I fear LOOKING?

In performing, I have practiced being focused on myself, the movement of music around me, as parts and the overall whole. This is what looking is, and when accepting of what is, one sees the greater structure, and can retain more presence , even within mix-ups manifest as quicker re-call, of momentary absence of presence, or within facing a new form; sudden and moving into clarity as one both ‘ sight -reads’ the form as the notes ahead of time, and places it in the context of the form, as the notes being generated. 

In relation to the destini I Process, I have been practicing looking at my own layered emotional ‘ firewall’ that I have allowed to define me, and which has slowed down the processing speed of reality as myself here. Meaning being effective here, problem solving as a movement of self correction to and towards this living reality, and not ONLY as the bubble of layered emotional stories within and as me. This onion of emotional values accumulated over time, slowing down a natural ability to process information , this living reality information, where real skill lends real practical movement, and develops real focus, to the extent one preforms in real time, in this space, here. 

Just as I have practiced a focus in reality, as the music generated in a group and by myself, i can do the same here, as this living reality. When what I am doing is not effective,  resistances happen, of which I must practice what I am LOOKING at, that is causing me to not READ, or process my state of being, the state of being of those around me that are the same as this, and the practical living reality, AND, the existential system forms accepted and allowed that are on this earth today as a consequence of not understanding how we are absorbent machines and very functional machines. Remember, our thoughts become our actions become our habits, determine the COURSE of our lives, and by extensions, as a collective, the COURSE of this reality.

Naturally, it is important that we realize that we are all the same. It is only belief, opinion and idea in a bubble in our heads, resonant around us that separates us from realizing what is in plain sight. This is why the DOGMA of religion and politics is an illusion, manifest as creating a society communicated via our present media, of storms of value judgements, spinning in a very narrow focus, that distracts us from, for example getting aid to countries experiencing drought- of which we obviously are very capable of doing because the natural resources grabbed behind this curtain, are constantly moving. This does not stop- or your cell phone would not always be so readily available. How can we not see the contrast of the two when they are so IN OUR FACE, if we slow down, step out of our emotional firewalls and LOOK HERE.

Do we not wonder why so many of our children in our high schools are labeled as having “ SLOW PROCESSING’ speeds? Our projections of storied mis-information, is right there, around us, resonant, sucking the life from us. Various practices, in our society today, though segmented, acknowledge this.  Yet we are, in some ways not bringing them together, because we, as being in a bubble, are not seeing the parts and the whole, as what we are telling ourselves!

For example, there are apps that suggest writing out our emotions. There is a practice I have encountered where children are pulling up memories, to resolve ( micro) traumas. This is a reflection of and as ourselves telling ourselves that we are being emotional firewalls of and as memories that must be cleared in order to improve our processing speeds! These memories are emotional and they are slowing down a natural ability to process information effectively. 

We also understand, as all the research in reading makes this very clear, the more effective use of and as how we SOUND ourselves, as our words, as those small parts that compose our expression that is never the real practical living thing, and only ever like a reciprocal reflection of something to share perspective to then UNDERSTAND as check before taking action - that process of always respecting the practical as the living reality around us. 

This medium, of sound as words, as expression in a verbal form, can also be HUGELY manipulated. lol, this can be said, in a moment, when someone speaks, to begin talking out loud, about how much words can be manipulated and used to distract from reality.  Here , I am thinking about how chemical drugs are given new names, based on adding a ‘ foot’ as another chemical, that segments when placed in the body, so that the chemical drug is actually, in practice the same as an earlier drug that has lost its patent, and no longer can generate huge profits. This new drug can have a new name, be marketed and sold at a much higher price (  insurance rates?) when it is the same drug! This is all done with subtle manipulations of the physical, and with words;  words painted in windows, formed into something that does not fully disclose what it really is within what it actually does. I mean, how corrupt is that? And who is responsible to investigate and understand this?  We are, each of us. It is something that can be understood, yet if one is busy managing a layered onion of limited information as value judgements which is polarization into good and bad, becoming resistance to reality, how can one slow down and hear the orchestra of movement around us? Emotional firewalls take a lot of time management! And, I will not go into what the ignorance of taking these drugs does to the environment, and how that seemingly no significant difference, accumulated over time - just as the emotional memory resonantly accumulates over time, -causes the very distraction that does not LOOK at what our small actions become and effect the living environment around us. Nor will I go into what this does to those that come after us, as the children and the growing numbers of them that do not even have a chance at life because of what has accumulated in the environment affecting their growth- also sold by what we call teachers in schools!

We have to LOOK at the very fabric of what we are doing, what we are being, within and as ourselves, and begin to recognize this within ourselves, to then be able to recognize this around us, to then self correct the very focus of who and what we are into realizing the real means of what is the real capacity of what we are in total, as working parts moving in tandem together, to create a world that is expansive and effective and actually moving as life, which is a movement of steady sustained productive expression and creation, it is a structuring as a skill set that fashions sustainable ‘ trees’ of expression.  The power is in the numbers. Individual, unique and present as the effective skill sets that can only be realized within respecting all things around us and as us HERE, in this physical reality- that one thing that is what our attention is taken away from; within agriculture practices made ritual into tradition, defining us, yet separating us from this reality - as all those resources as what is real and what is ironically owned by a few,  into religion and politics that is the voice of justification for what is a separation from what is the MOST real, which is the physical.  

Some call this getting out of one’s head ‘ trip.” Because it is a HUGE head trip.  In reality,  we are on a PHYSICAL TRIP.  Just ask yourself why the physical is what is owned by the few, and how religion is meant to make believe there is a better life somewhere else. And, religion is a make believe, because no one has actually seen it, and come back from it. Look at when one believes  a lost one is ‘ around one”? That is memory. There is not “ one around “ one, it is a vessel, as a layered onion of value judgements. Have to also ask yourself, why in America, there is a lesson in high school from the Shakespeare play ‘ Hamlet” that subtly is an idea of and as “ shoot the messenger”? lol, we are psychologically in-FORMED to believe the messenger is shot. Don't call things out by name, you may be shot. This is a manipulation of WORDS, of SOUND.  We have become instruments emitting emotional fire storms. Does this not describe the valley of good and evil? Yes, just as a cup is a cup, this is what we are allowing and accepting, that emotional firewall is the valley of right and wrong, more than and less than, good and bad. The composition of which are those emotional reactions, that can be realized as comparison, imagination, blame, spite.  They are all fear. 

 When we as a fabric create apps to write emotional states out, and practices to pull up memories,  we are revealing to ourselves what we have allowed ourselves to be, and what we allow ourselves to focus upon - all composed of WORDS.  HAHA ,too late, the cat is out of the bag! Shooting away the messenger is not going to change this. Like a master of martial arts, real compassion is to not accept what does not focus self into being a master of self, to structure self, as become effective skill sets, that lend effective interaction with PRACTICAL physical reality as the CREATION OF SELF AS LIFE, here. 

This begins with careful and effective restructuring of the notes, as the words, as the sounds generated by the self, that build the habit fabric of self that inform one’s actions in a real and physical world that is in plain sight, right here. After all, without the trees, without breath we do not exist - no religion and/or no dogma supersedes this.  The nature of effective parenting, would place the means in PLAIN SIGHT to lend self autonomy as who and what one is.  We are physical. The physical is LIFE. 

Generating Meaning is ? Day 738

The elephant in the room, generating meaning that is separate from reality.

This morning I woke up, after reading  perspective on ‘ meaning’ generation when I realized that the elephant in the room is that very meaning generation within me, as all the societal constructs that make up the culture and my own mis-understandings. It really was myself , most probably as a child,  moving into that cultural meaning generation that divided me, that I allowed to divide me, from myself as life, that ineffable ability to move through the eye of the needle. I mean, what was I doing when I sat in a musical group and checked my own movements, then extended a sense pick-up of what the bass and the cello and the oboe, and later, into the audience was doing with myself as who and what I was and am, as that same drive to learn to crawl and to walk?

Or those moments, in this time of meaning generation visible in the cultural borders silent and hard that separate human beings from one another, based on meaning generation that are ubiquitous as a drone of sound much like the thoughts in my mind; a consequence of meaning generation from a fixed context lacking any real experience? And, as I have read, that this supposed meaning generation sets humans apart from the plants and the animals, which is actually generating the problem and counter intuitive to common sense? The meaning generation in the media, the MSM, that is a flooding of mis-information that is a story of a victor in self interest  touting  that they are generating meaning of value towards the common good.  This meaning is a time outside of the space of all things. The space of things is practical reality. The equation of information done-with-a-math of values superimposed at the exclusion of reflecting a common sense.  Sometimes a person who walked on the ground with less censure in self interest, reports real actions uncolored by agenda.  A small voice in a ceeded script usually composed of blame and spite, right and wrong, righteousness and victimhood,  punishment and salvation. How often are human rights in practical terms spoken of? Usually, that human right aid manages to get to where it was needed long ago, despite the perpetual movement of resources happening over the hill from a genocide with the same transportation needs to move that aid. It is interesting that raw resource movement  continues , and even munitions movement, seems to flow like water, and yet basic aid does not, and sanctions are used to punish. In contrast,  humans can do and move things on this earth without hinderance, it is happening all the time, thus a lack of movement is by design. I mean we are also good at all those sanctions. 

Yet this is what is happening within each of us, as we stand within our mind consciousness as meaning generators. There is every excuse as to why something is not happening, yet when compared to the actual doing, it cancels such excuses out.  Yet, that meaning generation, in  a bubble in our minds, is supposedly what makes men greater than those who lack this mis-use of the imagination, as real practical movement makes obvious. And yet, it is natural to be able to become present in reality, it was our starting point before we learned to sit at a desk in a florescent room, or stoned edifice flooded with light colored with stained glass windows telling a storied vision of what happened in the past once again written by a victor using force, moved us into generating meaning from texts that used words that in themselves were never the real thing and are a thing, and as such being weaponized, to build an idea of meaning that in itself divided us from ourselves and caused a bias, a judgement of a good and a bad, pulling us in directions of blame and spite, and separating us from being present in space, in this space, we call earth. I mean, a animal can find an owner across thousands of miles in space without reading the signs on the roads, and a man, at our present information, cannot. Our focus on meaning generation so occupies our presence, we no longer know the difference. We are scattered in meaning, generated from within alone, lacking any reference to what is real. When we die, all that is real is what lives on, and that can be but a whisp. Tiny. It is the only innocence left. If I were to grade that, like a test grade at the end of life, I would probably give it a 2 out of a hundred, that is how bad it really is.  That is how big the elephant in the room is. I mean, see if you can stand next to someone and sense the warp of space generated around a person. You know that sense of irritation that can come up around someone sometimes, that is your meaning generation bumping up against theirs. When that meaning generation resonates with another’s there is an attraction. It is like being pulled into a vortex, actually, it might be more literal than I surmise. You are screwed. 

How to reverse this? Word by word, grounding the words back into reality, learning to see and feel here, this physical and practical reality. To touch here, to live here, to repent here, right here, this moment. It is to move moment to moment, to become practical and realize we are all the same. It is to begin to be able to do what dogs do, sense the space here. I mean, go and look up accelerated learning techniques, they describe being present here, in this reality, utilizing all the senses. Our imaginations must be equal to here, to what is in plain sight, the physical. We can, just as a musician, place our presence here, embracing the organ of life, as the physical. even if there were another life, why not learn this one to the smallest degree, how awesome would that be, to really understand this creation and move with it. After all, as we can see, that meaning generation is the illusion. And it feels like one is riding in a roller coaster, bouncing all over the place, lacking any real stability, overwhelming and making one tense. How about some real stability?

In reality,  every move I make I must remain stable in my breath and constantly check with care what I am allowing within myself and realizing what is here as the physical I must re-space my presence. This will, as myself, be one less meaning generator and the movement into one more grounded presence living a calm outside of the storm composed of  a flood of limited information that is illusive distraction from a real value, this life, here, this moment, this ground.

I can begin to realize where I resist, and as that resistance, push out, from myself, an elephant in the room, where I want to manipulate in self interest,  forcing only what I want, desire, believe, instead of looking at what I want to ignore,  based on some idea, long practiced and buried behind my own self accepted generated meaning. I accepted a standard limited measure of value, and judged myself as unworthy through comparison, and then looked for something to generate another value, to have attention because I feared being hurt, as I had raced in my own curiosity about the world, and could not speak to the world of meaning generated around me because it had no real substance,  in relation to this reality, this real physical manifested life.  Lol, it is a desire to discover, to run like the wind, and yet I got caught in saying ‘ why can’t I’ and feeling trapped in not being this.  lol, it is also a sense that I am being told to calm down and wait, and this is the last thing I want to hear. After all, real value generation happens boots on the ground, leading to no dependence on any begging for help, as one is the help one’s self, as a group, standing up, really living what is best and sharing the means towards this, without missing  a beat as one stands steady in that priceless value. This army of providing a service of immense value moving as Johnny Appleseed, among other tree planters,  did, one seed at a time, creating a momentum that leads to a real and stable currency flow. The structure here, laid out, stable, as some things that have proven the test of time, need not change their basic inherent form, the problem being more of who and what one is within one’s self. It is only that elephant in the room that meaning generation that resists seeing. One must let the program go, release it to a well known form of successful stability.  I just tell myself this, as I need not rush to discover, everything is right here, the illusion is that I have to wait. After all, in this moment, nothing can be lost, thus I can forgive a fear of something not being discovered, because life is always here. I can slow down and speed up, when necessary, as ‘ knowing’ in opposition to an idea of ‘ meaning’ is right here. 

More on Bringing it Back to Self Day 737

Bringing it back to self.

I am looking at the means justifying the ends. Reviewing this.

I realize that what I aggrandize, as make huge, like an elephant in the room, is what I attend to, as focus on. Is this in self interest, as a relationship of protecting what I define myself within as who I am?

It can be such a narrow focus on a few values, where at the exclusion of all things, as a cross reference, I am lost in a tunnel vision of my own command, my own imagination, my ownership of perspective, my owned borders. Self selected programming. A lie-by-omission.

Within doom and gloom, or, worst case scenarios, I realize this is the choice, because it is always a choice, I can take an extreme, create a fantasy as a hypothetical, as hyperbole, and believe that this is the center of this universe, forgetting all that is me, practically as I am physical first and foremost- my resource -  and project this onto everything, thereby believing that what I compose in my imagination is real. I become my own constructed illusion. And, I forget who I really am, I no longer ‘ know thy self’ and as a consequence am in a distraction, a business of limited insight. 

This causes conflict with my real self. This manifests as friction, or a clash with reality. This separation is colored by a belief that I am a superman, and why does no one else see this? I ask myself in my ego, my idealistic self.

I abandoned my own self worth, as me, as all of me, as the organism that allows me expression. When I am calm and problem solve, with effective actions, my whole temper is more insightful and connected to reality. I quantify greater measures of information,  and move with greater practicality, instead of projecting a myopic story of blame as only seeing a default, often something unkempt that I fear becoming. I end up using fantasy, as a worst case scenario to justify rejecting something instead of realizing what is an innate capacity to compose. Meaning, an innate capacity to see correction via problem solving within practical outlined steps of what builds a constancy that does no harm. This means standing up through my own mental projections and grounding myself in this reality. I mean, in all common sense, what are the elements of a garden growing? The simplicity is astounding and very cool. 

I am looking at the idea - because this is words on a page- of ‘ know thyself.’  I will place this next to the idea of a superman, so-called ‘ master of industry.’  Knowing self is powerful, it is knowing who and what one is, which is to acknowledge the physical world, and the practical steps necessary in real time, within completing a task. This would lead to effective action, and thus success, especially in a world where so many do not reference themselves because of a distraction into a heaven ideal. And yet, to know thyself means being practical, leading to becoming super effective. Somehow, becoming super effective has been made fantasy as the idea of a superman, which technological media can make appear to be real, causing a imaginative picture show of the possibility of great feats in physical time. Here, one is caught in a distraction so easy to quickly play out in the imagination getting a sense of being good, a chemical high and nothing else. Thus, a myopic focus, that happens in a quantum moment, becoming every moment. This is a de-manning ( demon) of self, sending a tie-me/ time dream elevated up there in the mind, un grounding the presence in reality. Thus, the equation of a truth, to pull one in, and a dream to tie one down in a fantasy that by design is a separation from real power, as that simple act of knowing the real score as self as a physical self, where things get done in real space.  The imaginative hyperbole is used after a truthful statement filled with promise, draws one in. This weakens the heart, or the essence of self. It is an imperfect practice of and as the instrument of life as the physical self.

So-called ‘ masters of industry’ simply practice real organization of the organ as the physical, meaning the resources of this earth, into industry, meaning they order the physical and real organ. Yet, unless they do so, ensuring no harm to any living thing, they too are not completely grounded in reality.  All the degrees of separation as each human as the degree of separation from practical physical reality,  can cause a competition that consists of following a dream that has been allowed to be larger-than-life as a focus that is different yet same, by subtle degree , as that equation of a truth coupled with a fantasy. That fantasy composed of inflamed values that are actions of excluding practical values that exist in balance in physical symbiotic nature, this earth. Even this earth at the moment, is less than its potential, as the very waters of existence are not evenly distributed in a balanced and effective act of sustaining what is here. Have a look, do we not use water to balance temperature, is this means not constructed? Yet, this may be too big of a jump, myself using hyperbole that may have some truth.  I am the product of such a system, I have to practice being simple and stop the holywood game within me. 

We may organize something in our daily lives. For example, I may, and have done this, rearrange my furniture after living in a home for a while. One day, I assess my home and have a ‘ vision’ of  changing the furniture arrangement. I assess it, imagine it ( okay- and correct use of the imagination) and move to physically rearrange. I may even change up the idea, and change the change as I move through the practical action of my idea/image. Afterwards, I stand and look at my re-creation and have a sense of satisfaction of ‘ pride’ in my capacity to do, even when on a simple scale such as this. I have become a ‘ master’ of my own industry within the dimensions of where I am at. I can enjoy this moment, without aggrandizing it, using it to make myself ‘ more’ than another, etc.. It is a simple act that I took to improve the space in which I live. 

In another dimension, I may have decided to take care of what I have as refurbish it, rearrange it to allow an environment of greater ease, as a solution, instead of going out and purchasing a whole new set of furniture because I have an idea that this is a solution, and because, to some degree, all-new-things, is somehow more fashionable, as it would be, in a consumerist society. I have had a sense that simply caring for what I have and rearranging it, is somehow counter intuitive to supporting this society. Thus, my pride as the simple self action, is colored with some guilt, a strange mix within me. Yet, that is the point of the ‘ superman’ layered story of colored, or polarized values, as such things so readily happen within me.  I forget enjoyment of the simple action of organizing as being present with what is here.  That pull into an extreme, as using a value judgement formulated without regard for effective and harmless actions that are enjoying a moment only, are impulsing me away from practicality and respect for the physical world that functions in simple terms. This pull into an idea of value, in my imagination, can go both ways, into a negative self definition or a positive self definition, either/or not realizing the simple enjoyment of organizing an organism as the physical. This physical being the means of everything I am.  Hard to see such simplicity with an overblown imagination moving counter to an innate ability to be the practice of  common sense. 

Thus, our ‘ masters of industry’ simply have a greater focus on the practical, and some can say, the means to move things around in the greater whole, which is why, resource acquisition is what our labor supports, even in giving to a church, that very standard of distracting through inner scaffolding, or scripting of information towards a belief in some greater life after this real life, this physical life, a life that would be creation, because being physical is creation manifest.  The thing we put energy into, as fighting, for resource, is revelatory of what is most real, as the physical. The time we spend as ideas, as stories of information in our imaginations, a quick and fast moving story where we live success in an instant, creating a false pride, is a mis-use of ourselves as life. It is that what we are, is so out of balance, and so habituated, the means using pieces of who and what we are, is so right in front of us, we will be astounded that we never saw this. Hopefully, it will happen before it is too late. There is a point of no return, a cancel of real life, as what cancer is and does.  

The solution is to breath, to slow way down and begin to see the patterns of deception, the patterns of de-ce-ption, the patterns of imagination superimposed on reality as an inner scaffold of ideas that is a bias made of aggrandized values in both directions, the bad and the good, as the negative that moves into a positive - the positive being a double consistently-practiced negative which is a giving up of self into the imagination. With moving focus into breathing, one begins to build a greater sense of self in relation to the whole of this reality. Then, is the work that turns into play, as sorting this all out and birthing self back into what is more natural, reordering the self, re-organizing the self - back into, and away from a scattered through a lie-by-omission self smothered in imagination as a false script filled with truths and colored with extremes - equal and one to what is the real universe, as the physical, where real creation happens. 

Real mastery is the realization that there are no masters, and there are no slaves. Real mastery respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is done right here, in the moment.  Use your imagination correctly, imagine walking down any street, through any wood, over any bridge, and having the space to admire this creation being in an effective and supportive and expansive order, where all children can walk wherever they want, without fear and with an open mind, learning to create, taking that which is good and does no harm. Is this not what we all want. Listen for it, it is there, it is under the illusion, and it is what we all desire. Slow down and breath. No one can do this, it takes all of us. The means is within us, each and every one. All the kings men, and all the king’s horses cannot put us back together again, What is cool is that it is natural for us to do this. 

Teach Talking as the Education of Experience Day 735

I played music for so long that I got to the point where when a mistake happened it meant correcting something, that is all.  There was no one to blame only the correction to make.

I remember a stand partner, who rushed at a certain point and myself becoming irritated because of this rushing. I could hear how the section was practiced. This player, who was capable, played the section as though it were an exercise. Within this, it means the group was no longer the connection, it was a meter and a line directing the player, without sensing the greater movement of the group. Thus, this stand partner was always a little ahead of the group movement. For me this meant having something else to listen to, the group’s rhythm and her rhythm. It is standing in a space with movement and there are conflicting movements happening. So that I do not become my stand partners ‘ meter in a space’ I had to listen past this player to remain grounded in the movement of the whole musical group.  My thought, laced with irritation, was that rushing through a section because one is either afraid of it, or does not really know it well enough (same thing) is not fun, lol, is not fundamental, meaning is not remaining grounded, as in listening to the whole and moving with it.  I also thought that this partner probably did not have the time to practice the piece, as the money paid for performing with this group, was not enough to allow that more careful practice. 

This stand partner probably had too many other things to do in the name of survival.  I know that because one can be asked to perform, and the idea of a payment that includes the time it takes to get musicians together to practice, is something that appears to not be in the awareness of the entities paying to have a performance, they do not seem to remember all the background time spent getting to a point where a person, and especially a group, comes together to make the desired music requested! So many times, I simply sight read themusic, yet, could hear that a greater intimacy and expression could be what was presented if there were but one or even two rehearsals. Everything starts to become a rush job, which ends up compounding over time, into such things as I experienced, as a stand partner who rushes in a certain section, no longer caring, just wanting to get through, even though, this person was probably aware of this, and did the best they could. They were uncomfortable afterwards, a subtle tension happening, which indicates a sense of not being in sync. We are, very aware, and very capable, we know what we do. We hear the backlash of justifications that are like a post balancing act to excuse our actions. This overall, reveals the means to correction is inherent in us at all times. We must become the living math of creation, accepting nothing but what balances us in being present in real time, with here, on this earth. This earth is the real orchestrated creation, capable of balancing itself out, to remain in harmony. lol, remain embracing here, or, wrapping our arms around here. Here is the ‘ oneness’ another word within the word harmony. The ‘y’ being an ‘ i’ as though we are individual and yet one at the same time. 

My point here, is reacting with irritation, is self interest and the projection of blame. In this case being annoyed that I have to counter movement with my stand partner, I have to listen to them and the whole, and remain balanced, where it would be more natural for us to move together, more pleasing, as I have had this experience too. Being in synch with the neighboring musician is fun. The being in synch is fundamental and thus more grounded. That feels more stable than countering movements. That I allow a countering movement to disturb me, where I react,  is not standing in stability. I should know enough, within experience, to know that listening and remaining stable, within the whole, is a greater state, as it often is then followed, and movements will naturally rebalance in space. Thus, reaction only fuels the fire of imbalance.

This brings me to the point of facing resistances, which are really only ‘ not having the whole story’ or a lack of addressing limitations. It is like getting stuck in a meter, or a measure, as an idea, or the consequence of such practice, as in not being up to a speed of considering some aspects.  In this, one is leaving a part of one’s self behind and enetering a bubble of contrasting beats lacking connection to the whole. This separation in turn will be the voice, will be the seeming resistance, and the ensuing justifications will reverberate, just as they have within myself, and as a tension between two people. as that justification happens in silence, yet is present in the space. With my stand partner, it meant a couple of rehearsals where we did not speak to one another, as though we were hiding that past, it being too close to the moment and thus remembered. Things like this happen a lot within the inherent intimacy of playing an instrument, where the body is so focused on time and space. One cannot hide. After all, we have a saying in music that if one can hear the player thinking, they do not really know the piece. One plays in such a way, that the listener cannot hear the thinking. 

My point here, is that the state of not being connected, in any given situation, will cause the storm of separation, as all the justifications and beliefs come forward. There is no escaping it.  The solution is to never react, as I did with irritation, it only fuels the fire. I must expect the limitations, not allow them to irritate me, and to the best of my ability, listen to what is here, and ground myself within that, telling the real story, bringing it back to myself, as who and what I am as a physical being, here.  

I said something yesterday in the presence of two other people. Immediately there was a reaction.  The one person that reacted, did not speak, they simply made a grunting noise. lol.  I wanted the person to speak up, yet, in some ways they could not.  They needed more information before speaking up. For me, it is allowing such things to happen not expecting them or resisting them, as in so many ways I am in an orchestrated set body of information that has lost its connection to the whole. Thus, every move is grounding myself no matter what. This means, bringing it back to self/

What precipitated this blog is a message written by one of our autistic children. 

“DARING EACH TALKING PERSON TO WALK IN SILENCE FOR PEOPLE TO USE EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. YES. GIVE THE CHALLENGE. TEACH TALKING IS SO MEANINGFUL WHEN YOU LIVE WITHOUT IT DAILY LIKE ME AND FELLOW TYPERS"

Here is the link to the video:

https://www.facebook.com/leslie.h.weed/videos/10206438532902033/?pnref=story

It is that statement of “ daring each person to walk in silence ( and ) for people to use EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. 

Then, to place this statement into “ teach talking” is astounding, as it means, for me, that this woman is saying to only speak, to only talk, from real experience. It suggests for me, that this autistic person is saying that there is too much speaking about things that one has no real experience with and as, This means that we all talk within speaking memorized theories about things, which have no real substance, and thus, cannot really be heard because there is no real understanding. This means so few speak or move from being present, from experience, from real living. This child realizes that few are really listening, few are hearing the silence, to then speak in consideration of what is here, what is real. She is saying, for me, that speaking from real experience has much greater substance, and thus meaning, and that without this, life is very difficult. 

Within this, I realize that when I bring whatever information comes towards me, back to self, back to my living experiences, as practical things I have done, I can tell a real story, one that has greater meaning in that it can be shared and given, as real solutions, even within grounding my own mistakes from speaking as theory before real experience. To do this often means listening to myself and what it means to practice being here, in this reality, on this earth. 

In terms of my experiences within music, instead of blaming and spiting, it is to realize how the present system influences outcomes, and to not become irritated, to remain as much as possible within being grounded and stable, to the point where I ‘ teach talking’ through an educing, or education ( of) experience opposed to theory- as something I memorized or lived within my imagination only, without real practical application.  With my stand partner, it might have been to say something like, ‘ I sometimes have to become more mechanical than present, because I do not always have the time to practice a section because I am so busy making a living” Such a statement might not allow the space to change this, immediately, yet it will not inflame a situation. Instead it will bring in more compassion, a compass of understanding that in turn creates a more peaceful environment that then causes less tension, opening more space to process this reality. This would change the very nature of the next time a passage comes along that is not integrated as well as one would want, and be played in such a way that there is more awareness of the self in relation to the surroundings, and what then is played, is a ‘ talking’ that is more aware of a real experience. Often such insight opening, in itself, begins a self correction because there is more space and time, than we are aware of when lost in reactions, to live a real change into being more aware, present and grounded. It is in this space that corrections are made, are lived. 

Thus, when I talk, when I speak, I bring it back to myself, and I fear nothing, because I am here. I can educate through a talk that is of experience rather than theory. I can cross reference what is real, what has a meaning grounded in practice, in experience. This does not irritate, this grounds. This has not the clutter of an imagination of ideas about things, memorized, without real practice, this has a greater substance, and that is what really educates a person. This is sharing real experience, practical living experience.  Of course, this child admits that so many are not listening, and instead  talking theory instead of reality. This is what is here, thus reactions and the scream of theory, and the justifications for this theory are all around us, meaning that scream of limitation is going to happen, nothing to take personally, and not something that can define who and what I am. Will I make mistakes, as I am a product of this present system, yes. Well, I did not learn to crawl and to walk, or to play the violin without making mistakes. I am the only person that decides who and what I am, no one else can do that for me. I can become more grounded here, in this living reality. This is who and what I really am. 

Day 721 Never Telling a Lie. Brutal Self Honesty

 Never telling a lie and smiling. Brutal Self Honesty.

This summer I asked myself what it meant to really smile. I started to pay attention to when I really smiled and when I did not.

I realized that when I could smile with ease, I could hold it, meaning I was more at ease within what I spoke, what I spelled out, what I wrapped my mouth around as words that built ideas, beliefs, and opinions, reflections, transposition of imaginations, reflections of reality etc.

I could use this to realize when I was not able to smile in such a deep way, as when I could not hold onto what I said in such a way that what i said could withstand time, or could stand eternally. I could also see more of when I was not clear within myself.  I could acknowledge when I had not done enough investigation or assessment- leading me to be okay with saying that I needed to investigate more in a given context. 

It also demanded that I listen to my own reactions within myself to a greater degree. Speaking became more of listening to myself and others, and taking care with what I said. 

Last night I was at a Toastmasters meeting. There is a section in the meeting called ‘ table topics.’ I was called up to speak and received a prompt that asked me about laughter. It asked if I laughed enough. I stopped. What i had been working on came back. I looked out at the audience and said, “ this is the perfect prompt for me!”

Standing there before a group of people, I could relive what I had placed on the side and forgotten and bring this back, remembering that I had worked on using my physical body to help me focus on what I could stand within that had a more eternal quality; that was the difference between a real smile and an automated smile.

When I speak in a way that lends an easy smile, what I am saying is more grounded and something that I need not fear proving or remembering. It is the same as never telling a lie. 

What does it mean to never tell a lie? It means to be clear, to check one’s self to see if one is not being honest. It means disclosing one’s fears, if need be. It means checking to see if I am acting in self interest, realizing that self interest in terms of ideas I have about myself as a personality, are being protected or related to what is best for myself as what and who I am as a physical being that is in human form before the cultural values I have accepted and allowed to program who and what I am - that did not direct from a starting point of considering all things as me on what is in living a form a physical reality, a physical expression of form. Never telling a lie means, stepping outside of a mis-use of my imagination into limited ideas of role play, realizing that what my first role/ ‘ measuring rule’ is towards the very form that is me, a human being on a physical plan-it. This means that whatever plans I accept and allow must respect all things here in this community of life called earth, so to realize no harm and ONLY that which supports all life.

What does this mean on a world stage? This means that any practice that does harm is unacceptable. This means that any plan that suppresses existent LIVING FORMS by any means, be it economic, or political and religious, is a dogma in separation from reality and therefor unacceptable. This means that actions that pollute water are unacceptable. This means that spaces that separate one from nature and this living reality are unacceptable and must transform in peaceable ways to and towards what respects what we are here on this earth; physical living potentialities that are life and therefor the capacity to live what is best for all. Why would we have a media that by design and nature constantly pushes and forces and drives and touts measured set bodied forms of information with musical drama and emotional rants over and over and over again? And why do we accept this ? It is all a lie, and that lie is not birthing happy and healthy people FOCUSED HERE- where one need never ever tell a lie. Thus, our degree of real joy in expression is equal to the degree of respect we give to what we are, manifest in acts that rather than deny and punish, support and direct into an understanding that gives each the opportunity to stand  in such a way that one can make decisions that do no harm to self and others. This is being focused here, on this physical world. 

It is so simple, yet in the chaos of separation, this simple state that is natural, is forgotten. The solution is to realize one’s self accepted and allowed limited math/constructs/formUla’s of gloom and doom, blame and spite, resistance and rejection as a inner construction that one projects from the living flesh of self out onto this world, allowing this to determine habits that lead to actions that are not what is self in self expression as life. What is the practice of ‘ mindfulness’ actually telling us? If we are not out thoughts than what are thoughts? Is a child born with thoughts? No. They are created. What we create, we pass down into the genes of our children. Is this why there are more and more cognitively dissonant children  one could call having attention deficits? Why is the simple so hard to realize? Because that valley of good and evil, is being projected by men, by the self!

Why are we placed into enclosed spaces to learn to express knowledge and information without practical application? Why do we have so many problems in communication with one another?  Why do we have little patience to learn something new? Why do we find it so difficult to MASTER something? Could it be that the consequence of abdicating who and what we are has lead to a fictional self imposed on the physical, and automated because just as a master automates a perfect practice, so does an imperfect practice! 

 It works the same BOTH ways! 

I can no longer fear standing up and saying this in the most practical of terms. I can no longer fear calling this out. IN calling this out, it will lose all power it has, this fictional inequality to this living reality that is the gift of life. As has been said so many times, and for many centuries, where better to hide what is real than in plain sight. What is HERE and is visible, is that proverbial eye of the needle. 

If you cannot really really smile an eternal smile, you are not being honest, you are in essence telling a lie. No one can become what is eternal within you for you. Only you can do that.

Join Desteni, deconstruct your construction of separation from reality, become living words. Save yourself, accept your SELF as life. The way to never ever have to lie again is to see the consequences of having lost the smile, to understand what imbalances lead to the loss. This is the gift of life, the opportunity to stand one and equal to and as self as life, here. 

Holding Something Within Myself Day 705

Holding something within myself

I have been doing math equations to improve my movement within solving math equations. At first it was really slow, and then it starts to speed up. I know this can happen because it happened when I was younger. The same thing happens with any new discipline. It is known as critical mass, or momentum, or mastering something, getting comfortable with a form, and being able to manifest a blue print based on the structure within one’s self.

At times it is hard for me to make the attention shift. Yet this is a key. I ask myself why I cannot make the shift. Usually, there is something running in my mind. And, yet, the concentration on the number problem, allows me to see that this is happening because I can’t concentrate. I have had the same thing happen when I had to practice, which I did for years. Depending on how I concentrated, a piece was learned quickly or slowly. And if learned slowly, that was how the piece was played the next time I looked at it.  How we do what we do when we do it, is remembered, or imprinted, unless we begin to realize how this all works. Yet, an imperfect practice causes delays because even if I am aware of this, I still have to sort out and focus. The focus is not clear, in other words.

I find, that if I try too hard to concentrate on the numbers, it gets more difficult. If I move with more ease, it is not.  I also find that I can go backwards and forwards within the numbers being laid out, so it is not so necessary to memorize each step, it is more to move through the whole picture of the steps, and see the steps and the answer as one, and then let it go. This is the same as listening to another person.  The moment I rush in self interest, I miss some of what is being said and I cannot recall the person’s words. To note, it is interesting because a false unclear logic is redundant, meaning filled with repetition, and hence, not that hard to follow. This is because what lingered that is not clear, hangs around, just as in those times I practiced without being focused or without first grounding myself into a direct focus on what I was doing. At the moment, I have this saying, ‘ do the math’ . It is the same as when my practicing was not effective, because I was not doing the math, I was within myself polarized into a cloud, or fog of something I was thinking about that had become an entity that I had not cleared up. Every time I played the piece I practiced that I had carried a spinning issue into in the back of my mind ( or the front!) that ‘ issue’ would jump right back into my presence. It has the characteristic of busy-ness, whereas a real focus has a quality of ease.  lol. water is fluid after all. That quality of our sensibility is fluid after all.

Immediately, I have a sense that explaining this is too difficult, yet this in itself is an illusion. It really is in our face, right there, in front of us. So, how can that be difficult? And it can be transposed into many many scenarios within decoding the behaviors of this same mis-understanding in relation to behaviors. lol, yet this is being able to do the math, being able to begin to see the unresolved and its lag and effect on being able to hold a focus that has the quality of moving with greater ease and standing here physically no longer fearing to understand before taking action, and realizing that a perfect practice lends an ease of movement and the ability to expand one’s awareness, to the point where one becomes a master of one’s self. Will I get to the point where I no longer have the lingering past experiences of fear because I did not take the time to understand how this works, and had to rediscover it through the life time I have had on this earth?  The distraction, dis-traction of television , as what is aired, beginning with religion will and must become realized as a great crime against life. 

Our ability to understand and connect is so fucking great, it is astounding that we choose less than this. Being sad about not using this nature of life, which is the gift, does nothing. This is the point of self forgiveness, to let go of what was accepted as an imperfect practice and to become a master of one’s self as life. There are also tools to quantify this process of taking back self, as life.  A tool that can be the practice of living the difference between being caught in an imperfect practice and the movement of the self outside of that fog one carries around and that interrupts one’s focus towards what is real, as this creation in manifestation as the physical. Life is right here, right in front of us. 

The sad fog of the mind.  The Sequence Attention Dis-order of Fear, Obligation and Guilt. A disorder that has forgotten the real symbols are the physical information.

It is all a math and it has no mumbo jumbo. 

Day 675 Where is the presence of me?

I have been talking a deconstruction of the order of belief, as the construction that sounds itself as the thoughts in and as my mind, as the very measure of my perception within my experiences in my life. The latest deconstruction of what I accepted and allowed has the word compassion that keeps coming up. I have the sense that I used compassion in protection and self defense. And yet, within this, I kept things at bay, meaning I simply did not look. I preferred the remain in some silent place within me. I remember that when I would get sick, I preferred to be left alone, and to climb into myself where there was quiet.

I have this behavior, as in what I have as a from within and as me, as a collection of beliefs that are often reactions to not looking. Not looking means that I abdicated myself. This means that I had to follow because if I did not look, what was it that I then used to direct who and what I am here?  Hiding means that to be here, I had to follow something!  In not looking, I was dodging, which is a busyness, an occupation, in itself! 

If i place myself into the role of being objective about this, and imagine myself facing this state of being in another, what would that be like? What would it be like to face a dodger? It would be like standing on a slippery slope, or walking in a mirage, where what is essentially an inner form - as that state of being- is morphing- moving here and there, moving all over the place just to avoid having developed the habit of hiding, which is dodging, which is moving as beliefs within one’s self, which is not being present in the practical, which is a disrespect of the life around one that is the same as one, that is the same as me. And probably doing the same thing. Hence, being a dodger is like not being grounded, because I am so busy in judgement, for which I cannot remember why and where in exact detail,  that not only is this a habit, like running ticking clock that I would up myself, yet also, a separation from my full and true potential. Ironically this means I am running from myself. This means I am occupied with running from life, and the behaviors have the consequence of missing the practical. It creates a scenario where I am occupied with a movie in my mind, generated by me. It is me, running on default. It is me running on and as a fallen self from respecting all things and being here, using this same ability to sense transferred into hiding,  that is a compassionate self moving in protection and self defense, fighting against life, against myself.

I remember a time, as I stood in a hallway of an apartment I lived in. I was thinking about my husband, trying to figure out what was going on. I stopped there in that hallway, it was mid-day, the sun, from the long summer equinox days, was really bright and strong. For some reason, I remember that I had seen a mother duck with duckings walking on the sidewalks. Everyone stood to the side and let them pass. Then, there I was in that hallway, with all that light that lasted until ten o’clock at night.  The world seemed so alive in that moment, so much bigger than me in that hall way with all that light. It was so joyous the world around me. Then it hit me, for some reason in that moment, that we create everything. Everything that is, is something we create.  Everything that exists we create. It is how it should be, that the means to understanding is through creation and that this is the only way. 

I notice that my chest tightens up and the voices of limitation spin in my mind when I stop being fluid here, meaning when I begin to use compassion in protection and self defense. This means when I start resisting what is here, not sorting it out, in detail, in specificity in practical terms. This means I begin to blame and to spite, because my expectations, which is self interest, came before slowing down and taking the space and time to realize the measure of what is probably a slippery slope in front of me. I have to move through the eye of the needle, without any fear, and before I make a decision, assess the measure around me, within and without. I have to slow way down and move as the measure to begin to see the form and within this, realize what form, what movement, what state would consider a directive that does no harm, a directive that grounds in practical application in a physical creation, as creation would be a form. To believe that some lighted world on top of the physical is life, is the opposite of life.  I mean, do all those lights placed all over the physical,  are they the means of the creation of oxygen for you to breath, or is that tree the means of oxygen for you to breath?  Those pretty lights are the ideas from an entity within of beliefs, opinions an ideas, that is the self hiding from the physical, from creation, from life. 

I have to practice slowing down from following a entity of belief, that I accepted and allowed and created. I have to change my compassion in protection and self defense into assessing this reality, into respecting that tree, in realizing the practical application of that tree, as what is most important, more important than those lights and what they have come to mean as a symbol that is a conjecture composed of beliefs and opinions and ideas, that are in separation from life, from respecting the physical world.  And, yes, those lights suck the life from the physical. They will die, simply cease to exist, one the substance of the physical is sucked out in the order of believing that those lights are more than the physical. It really is that simple.

When I tense up in my chest, it is like a switch into  spite and blame, protection and self defense, naming a separation instead of grounding a separation into the practical. What I can do, is slow down, say no, say stop, and realize I will lose nothing as the ideas, beliefs and opinions, are not myself being present here. I have to use my will, to place myself here, and to transform myself into being present in respect of the physical world.  I have to realize the joy of creation, because it is a joy. I have to bring myself out of that sharply lit heaven I have accepted and allowed as stories of a creator being separate from me that have a consequence of self abdication in self responsibility that are evident in a chatter of spite and blame, self pity with an undercurrent of shame because we all understand that we are doing this, for which there is no excuse, and take back myself  as life, as the means to work with and as what I am, which is creation in formation as the physical. 

When I tense up in my chest, I am not being self honest, I am occupied with a construction of limited values and the consequential resistance to all things, I am acting in self interest in a survival mode, I am not present here, in equality and oneness which is being self honest as what I am, which is a physical beingness, because this is life in formation, the very means of my expression.

I can write out what I have accepted and allowed everyday, to practice in word creating thoughts composing deeds every day, to script myself back into equality and oneness to and with life as the physical. I can become equal to myself as life.  I can practice regrounding myself back into an awareness that the tree is life and the lights are a means to maintain a projection of belief, because the lights are simply lights, they have no other meaning but the spell of the stories projected onto them by others and myself, as that is a state of hiding from respecting and realizing the physical world is life in formation which is creation.  My words can become living words, which means my words reference what is practical as what is the application of standing equal and one to the physical. 

Day 659 Stopping Imagination to realize the value of being present.

I woke up in the morning And I noticed that I readily went into my imagination. I had to stop.

It is like a pull into something to do, to be. Behind which one can create an outcome that allows one to win in one’s mind. And it has nothing to do with being here. It has nothing to do with reality, the physical.

It is like running down some hole, that spins, like a vortex. One can jump from one to another, and end up in total separation from reality.

And it lacks the ease that comes with doing. Like when one stands on a stage in a hall, and fills the space with sound - understand’s one is doing this, and realizes it is cool and can be played with, like paint on a canvas- I suppose. Yet here I try and think through metaphor what the difference is between doing and imagining.

If the hall were not there, how could I enjoy what the sound does? In this, I need the physical world. What is happening in my mind when I am focused, within paying attention to what the sound I make is doing, is a silence.

There have been times when I played, and I was so in fear of what others would think, or so in fear that I would make a mistake, that my attention was more on the lack, on this potential of missing something, and all the possibilities of that missing, that I had no awareness of what the sound I was making was doing as it moved out into the room. My presence was on an imagination within me, composed of  an idea of lack, instead of being present with the physical and assessing, in this instance, how the sound I made with the instrument was moving in the space that I was in.

Fear is a fickle thing, one can go into it and find there is nothing of any real substance there; on the other side there is nothing, because imagination is but a film in the mind, meaning, a film of a limited story, it is not what is real thus it has no real form. If men  believe imagination  to be more real than the physical, the behaviors become of the film, and not of the reality, and the film is then imposed on the physical, in thought, word and deed. This is where harming the physical comes in, because imagination is forcing itself onto reality, the physical. Imagination is not bad, it is just this, imagination. It is a means to double check something, and nothing else. The physical must always be cross referenced.

It is like the Matrix movie, yet men are walking around with the bubble around their heads, not yet in a literal womb-bubble. In the matrix the physical has been forced into supporting an imaginative world, to generate electricity. We are not there yet, we still have some animals and trees and grasses left. In the Matrix, there are none of these things, the physical landscape is dead of that kind of life, that formation. Yet if we realize how much we have moved into watching screens, then we an see where we are going. 

The irony is that we want to remember ourselves to the physical world, because being creators with the physical, has an ease that imagination cannot when made more real than reality as the physical world. When one is moving with the physical world one is in full focus, full employment as the physical, where creation becomes manifested, where one would only choose what does no harm, because one harms the very thing one needs to hear how that sound moves in that space as that hall- so to speak. The imagination cannot have the application and response that a physical form can have.  We abdicate responsibility when we decide that our imaginations are greater than reality as the physical world. What we have in the world today is each abdicating life for their imaginations, causing a fear of common sense, because common sense shows who accepted imagination over life. Common sense of the physical reality, which means no single movement of blame and spite, is what self as life really is. This is giving unto another as one would have given unto themselves- understanding what directs in practical ways.

My body is an instrument. For this to be in full employment, I must realize that the physical world is what is real. This comes before imagination, hence it is to re-member myself equal and one with the physical world. Instead I have learned to float in imagination, to place my presence, into imagination instead of learning to focus myself here, respecting the means of myself as the physical world.

It is interesting to see that when I have approached something  with an inflated value within myself, meaning that I was not present in my experience, the next time I am in that same space, what I previously allowed as a judgement ( which is what an inflated value is) is still there, until it is not! This means that I must forgive what measures I focused on that were not myself focusing on what is real, as the physical world that is here, right in front of me. In other words, one could say, I lacked real presence. I missed the life that was real, practical, a gift.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from reality, from the physical in every breath, from being present here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the imagination in and as my mind consciousness is more than the physical reality surrounding me that is me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to answer to the pull of my accepted and allowed information in and as my mind to become the consequence of separation from reality, the means of myself as life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, play the savior in and as my imagination in and as my mind, to believe that I am a winner, motivated by the alternative of a fear of loss, a fear of worst case scenario outcome, thereby missing the practical real measure of the physical world that is me, without which I am not in full employment of myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making a mistake

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compete to win.

I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself for not focusing myself here, in respect of reality as the physical, enjoying creation, as the means of my existence here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine worst case scenarios, instead of becoming what I am, as my ability to sense reality, being within this the directive principle of life, which is the presence of myself here, focused on reality, and within this, realizing that around me are hued men, who seek self responsibility as life, meaning equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath in every moment, to assess myself in every moment, as I have accepted and allowed an imagination to become larger than life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I believe real living is impossible, I am in the memory of my past, as having believed what measure I accepted and allowed within my imagination, and the consequence therein, is how reality works, that I am only capable of mistakes on reality, a distraction from being responsible here, as this is only more imagination, filled with self blame, hence I slow myself down and I breath, and I ground myself here, equal and one to being present in the practical measure of what is here in this moment, to ground myself into the means of living, as the physical world, to enjoy placing my presence here, to become equal and one to the sound of life, here.

When and as I find myself moving into a presence of fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I am moving into my past in blame and idea of doom and gloom, as a picture show in and as my imagination only, a polarized version that is not equal to the practical as the measure of the physical world,  and I stop, I place myself here, to walk the next step  here.

When and as I find myself weighed down within and as my movement here, as my physical I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down to see realize and understand how I have programmed myself to sense reality around me, to instead ensure that I am present and aware of what is real around me, and not a limited measure of idea that I have allowed to direct me time and again, a measure as energy/judgement I accepted and allowed, that started with the small and accumulated into how I direct myself to exist as a presence in and as a mind consciousness instead of real presence cross referencing with every breath life that is physical and here.