Day 835 My own suppression through accepting being " hurt." What is " #HURT"

I was talking with someone and in the moment, wrote a “ rant.” It was me reviewing not only my own emotional hi-story but also, at the same time, looking at the overall direction of the family into which I was born. It is somewhat akin to looking for a “ truth” in the overall picture of my life. This is based on the realization that most likely there is an inherent truth to many things. Even if that small degree of “ truth” is buried under a spaced out, scattered dialogue of practiced separation. That default of lacking self responsibility and real self trust. 

At the end, a sense came up of myself, standing in a home space as a child making the decision that “ if you want me to be “ hurt” I will be “ hurt.” It was like I was in an inner statement I made the decision to be, in a moment, as a response to my environment, as the adults that were my parents that are products of the same system that lead me to make the statement in that moment as myself. That memory is like a shadow, a movement, a FOCUS. I can pull this up and read it. I was pretty small, as many of such memories have a sense of the angle of my body looking up, a certain tilt to the head or direction of focus within my body, as a narrowing down to a point. What I see is that experience within me, not yet able to remember the greater field around me. I am inward focused. 

Reminds me of another memory. I am speaking, but not speaking, I am running, outside. The grass and the trees are there. I turn and speak to a tree and say “ But I want to play.” 

I remember interacting with something in NY when I was around 17 I believe. We communicated as words, with presence, but nothing was said out loud. I also wondered at some point in my life why I had no control of somethings within me. I had no control of the shifts. What had I mastered? 

In making the decision to be “ hurt” I was being spiteful. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was a child. 

In making the decision to be that, I had to stop being something else, because I was making a decision to be something! 

In effect, I shut down the ability to define, which is what I was doing to make the choice to be “ hurt.” I also realize in making that decision, an emotional one, a value judgement, no matter if my environment was that which I perceived and labeled as this, I was not answering to that which I defined as “ hurt.” And, I just realized that within this moment, no physical “ hurt” was actually happening, meaning no one was physically doing something to me. So, it was not about a physical “ hurt.” 

What comes up in this moment, is something within me that speaks up at times. I would get in trouble at times in school for asking the “ wrong” questions. The “ trouble” part often confused me, because most often I simply blurted something out- meaning I don’t remember having a conscious thought before speaking. Also, ironically, when I did this, I tended to gather people around me that were of more support for me. Ironic how that happens. It is to say that those moments when I asked a question without forethought, that triggered reactions in some, also brought me the people who gave the most unconditional support. 

I remember one time when I was teaching a class and being watched for a grade for a degree. I was moving at ease, and suddenly questioned the direction I was heading in with the students. I stopped and pulled back, even though the students were really engaged. My professor then told me that I was doing great, and asked me why I stopped when I was heading in a great direction? I remember feeling that perhaps I was opening things up too much, and should be more in control within following the script. That opening of of engagement with the students appeared too “ free” in my inner comparison of what the system wanted as a behavior. I remember the students changing in that moment too. as though they sensed that I was doing what they expected of the system, but were experiencing as something different. They too had lived what I had lived. A silence ensued in the room and I knew that somehow I had let an opportunity go. Secretly I was ashamed. Yet, I let this experience allow me to be more open and follow through with how I interacted with students. It is that, “forgive myself, and make sure I never do that again.” And, that some people would most probably like myself “ not going in that direction.”

All these stories show me, as a reflection overall, because I can only speak my experience, that I can feel. I am able to sense the space. That I myself have shut down and moved into a selective reasoning that is choosing the “ hurt.” The “ hurt” being a form of self suppression, of real feeling suppression. That part of myself that blurts out those sudden questions that trigger annoyance in some, and respect from others. That part of myself that realizes with a consequence of shame, that I created more “ hurt” because I feared allowing something to flow in a moment, that must have been “ real” flow because I had captured the attention and participation of many children. I had captured the movement out of “ hurt” and was instead moving into discovery. Then I shut it down because I had made the decision to be “ hurt.” I had made the decision to stop feeling, to shut down, to participate in the behavior of those that did not like certain questions. I had shut myself away from those who supported me when I was natural and more real. I had become what I hated that lead me to make the decision to be “ hurt.”

I remember another class in high school where a teacher labeled me. I made the decision to never speak in her class again. And I did it. I pretended she was not there when called on. My classmates would turn and look at me, with dismay. I remained silent. I remember the teacher moving in a tense way, up there in the front. She realizing that perhaps she had gone too far, embarrassed and afraid because basically she had lost control of her class. My best friend asked me why I was not answering and talking. I remained silent, and would not answer. I was being “ hurt.” lol, though I have to say the dynamics were interesting to say the least. I want to tell myself I created an opportunity and learned more about cause and effect. My choice was not necessarily a good one, but I did learn from it. Though as well, I can feel this movement being at its core, a frustration, a sadness, a disillusionment. The same quality of those students in that later experience. a deep silence, a giving up, an acceptance. 

What if I recognized this and used that part of myself that sensed that teacher moving into stress and constriction and uncertainty while I was sitting there appearing to be reading a book while sensing that movement in the space of and as the constriction in the teacher? And instead of probably at first being glad, ( don’t remember that) but then having a sense of dis-ease at that movement in that adult who most probably had realized she had not made the best decision in relation to communicating with me. No one really wants conflict because it can lead to problems within their job. 

What if I opened up that part of me that has no thinking going on that asked those unwanted questions, and that part of me that turned and talked to a tree, and that part of me that had a conversation with a “ entity” without speaking, and that part of me that opened up taking things apart to understand them? What if I opened up feeling the space? I most probably, had asked my mother a question that was once again not answered, and grew frustrated when I was most likely shut down, just as I had shut down others? What if I allowed that part of me that blurted out those seemingly “ unwanted” questions? What if I remained in the space seeing the moving parts, the mirages of this same thing I was doing within and realized that this is not what anyone really wants to be? 

lol, I will be saying a lot of things people do not want to hear. But so be it. 

It is not what is said, most of the time, it is how it is said. One can curse but the message is too clear to notice. I don’t really enjoy a lot of cursing and do believe that things can be communicated without it. Yet the other day I watched a man speak up about something, with a lot of cursing, yet his message was really simple and clear. In that moment, I saw the message as more important than the delivery. In today’s world sometimes a more edgy delivery is needed. It gets the job done. If a person can exhibit an awareness of this, and not be that all of the time, and perhaps use it to make a point, I see it as being okay. If I had to listen to it all of the time, it would become too much. Most likely people who are able to make a clear and succinct point most probably do not curse all of the time, and instead use this form to emphasize their point. It is somewhat ubiquitous in our world today. 

It is, therefore time to practice feeling, without the hurt shield. It is time to use the core of me that can feel that space, that can talk to trees, that can have fun looking at something and going in whatever direction the looking-at-something or focusing-on-something, the narrowing of my presence in a moment onto something that is  required and natural. Being engaging/ engaged is using feeling. Being engaging is being present. Being engaging is moving beyond being shut down, being unaddressed, being pushed away for asking an unmeditated question. 

This is the word, engage, and engaging for the day. For this moment. 

Day 834 Focus and fields of resonance.

In walking the prcocess of the journey to life, there are moments when I realize I am once again caught in emotional patterns that are not what is best for myself. It can at times be such a subtle shadow hanging on me. It often feels like it comes from behind me, like something falling down around me from the back of my head area. Once I recognize it, I check in with my body. I also notice a pattern of movement  within me within this.

It has that quality to it of making judgements, a form of distraction overall. I also notice, and I use this sometimes to check myself, that I am resistance to some simple thing like going out to my car when it is dark. Or, hesitating when moving to make phone call. 

I can usually sense some constriction in the body, most often in my lower back and between my shoulder blades. Overall, this has become much better yet there exists these moments when I can sense this pressure accumulating, most often in these areas.

It has become this underlying low-key pressure in relation that what is was before I started this process of self forgiveness and self corrective application. I have found that getting out and speaking up, interacting with others, reading to investigate things, is an immense help. Within this, I notice that I read to understand. The pressures around that, within and as answering to information being expressed around me, can be overwhelming. It is the same as addressing what I am allowing within doing this, in the living space around me. It is more of addressing the mind and how it works, in real time. Basically, this means answering to forms as beliefs coming from within, and coming from without reflecting me to myself. 

It is the process of standing equal to things, just as I have worked and am moving, as slowing down, to process what is moving within myself, and what is moving around me. In some respects, the difference between being in fear, as when I notice I hesitate to walk to my car in the dark, and to remain present and calm within where I am, the space that is here, as the physical reality around me.

We all know about this, because we read the body language of others around us, it is how we choose our friends and social circles. 

In some ways, I beat myself up too much when I feel that something has not reached a point of balance, of understanding, of acknowledgment of how all of this works, and the ready distractions that are around us on this physical earth. I realize that embracing all of what is here, to realize and discover, and live more in that state of acknowledgement of this physical reality being more of the constant than the projections of ideas, beliefs and opinions by each and everyone of us in this reality prevalent as our social fabric on earth today. 

Most of the fear is about confronting limitations, realizing them within me, and as an expression all around me on this living physical planet. It reminds me of playing the violin. I realized that remaining focused on what I was doing not only stabilized myself, but also allowed me to process inner political dramas prevalent in human beings within the present paradigm. It is to say that the state of being focused on what I was doing, helped me to see the conflicts in the social fabric for what they were, a drama that changed like the wind. I have had experiences with this in other work spaces as well, and learned to not react over time because emotional dramas tend to fluctuate and change. Getting caught up in the emotional storm in the moment, for the day, as a focus, caused an interruption within remaining more constant in being focused with a greater goal, or simply remembering where I was at, what I was doing, and why I was doing it. 

Within this I would narrow down the most resistance I notice within me, as that being confrontation, which is really addressing limitations. What are limitations but objections. Objections can be a conflict in ideas about things. This requires checking in on myself, and checking in on what is best, because it is necessary to consider the greater whole with every breath. This means recognizing where I am at , as a focus, and opening up what I would call presence, realizing nothing can define me, but what I am here as a physical life form. It is a form of recognizing my own resonant constructions and embracing the physical reality called earth. It is a shift of focus. At times, when this is more effective within myself, the space appears to be a lot like seeing a mirage, a movement around me. I realize that this must have always been here, the seeing of it an inner act of suppressing the very seeing of this.

There are moments when this is more visible and moments when it is not as visible. This means I do not have mastery or control of this. I am not counting the measures being projected, the things being focused upon. I am hindering this sensitivity, because no one makes decisions about what I express but myself. Within this, I realize that many fears are related to perceived existential threats. When this happens I am not processing what is around me here. It does get down to that simple point. I would say, in this moment, that my focus is my process. Meaning, how am I forming myself, as my body, because that will determine where I am at. It is, astoundingly enough, myself focusing myself, all of me, here. 

I become what I focus on, what I allow myself to process as what is here all around me as this life. This makes sense within my understanding of intention. If my intention is clear, it will stand no matter the emotional storms moving around me. This leads to the realization within what it means to become a master of self. The best analogy I realize in this moment is that a master of self is more like being the river moving along, moving in tandem with the ground, as opposed to being a rock being thrown this way and that way in the turbulence of the river. 

Overall, to apply this and practice this, it means to acknowledge what is moving within, slowing down to breath, expanding my focus to embrace all that is here, and taking a step. It means realizing that any degree of tension and constriction within my body, is myself reacting to my own inner beliefs, or, and I notice usually there is no “ thought” moving, a degree of awareness of this space in this physical life. lol, it is as though one is opening up what was already here, a natural awareness that has become so far “ out there” because so much time was spent in some narrow field, and a field it is, a resonant one created by me! 

Day 833 Ego and Centralized Narrative A Virus in itself?

Ego and a centralized narrative. Why are direct sales such a good model?

in the recent viral out break there is so much information flowing around the internet. There are doctors and nurses and scientists and researchers and those who experience the way the system is working that are speaking up and sharing their direct experiences within the present 2020 “ viral” situation.  Then there is the promulgated narrative of the present government, a narrative of administrators in contrast to the narrative of individual experience by workers on the ground, often labeled as anecdotal, who are living the outflows of policy and protocol on the ground, the living space, the reality.  The news feed information in itself is so scattered and fractionalized and all-over-the-place.

lol, I am using a lot of “ and’s” because it flows like that, and, and, and! 

Yesterday, I came across an article about how places that have bad air quality tend to have more of the “ virus” effecting the people. Therefore, it is not the pollution, it is that the virus is riding on the particulates in the air that are a consequence of mis-using resources to the extent that those particulates are in the air for the so-celled “ virus” to ride on. I won’t mention that this means if we ensure clean air, those areas might not have been as effected as the article itself suggests! Or that at the moment, some “ anecdotal” events of the virus showing up as coming from within the homes - to the extent it is being suggested in some places where some “ governors” determine “ orders” - that family members be tested and those that have not had the virus should be removed from the homes.  It has been suggested that homes can have some of the worst air quality. I have noticed in a new construction, that if a banana peel is left out, the space begins to smell like a stale banana rather quickly. This new construction has an air filtration system. My experience with this model is that the air does not flow through the space as well as older homes that do not have this newer construction. Overall, it suggests that a home must have a certain degree of being able to “ breath.” 

What has appeared to have happened on the internet, is one narrative. And the power of a few to control the information. Like our construction of the various factors and the reason for the various factors, will be determined by a centralized administration, one that also has the ability to make a profit for the promotion of certain products. That is ego, that is the same as what ego is and does within an individual.  When confronted with ego, it tends to push one way, suppress descent and resist anything that opposes its way of doing things.  Then any activity, or movement that contradicts that “ story “ - a set body of information- becomes some extraordinary event that cannot possibly be happening in other places and therefore must be a singular event. And yet, those singular events tend to happen in more than one place, which builds into a pattern that precipitates an epidemiological study that discovers a relationship to a change in the environment that is then said to show a correlation that suggests more study is necessary to discover the specific cause. And yet, end game statements are made and those further studies don’t seem to happen. Somewhere, for some reason, those studies are too difficult or too costly.  Of course this overall has the means in place to determine a course of action because in America we have the precautionary principle that protects us from this, within and as the realization that if something is causing harm, there must be choice. The point of this is to ensure that one narrative does not become a truth through repetition, meaning that if one “ anecdotal” situation suggests that harm is being done, what is being promoted must go back to the drawing board. Our system is not necessarily a bad one, it is the mis-use of the system that can cause problems. Ego is a mis-use of a system because it resists taking the time to find a balance where no harm is experienced, even if it is a “ one time” situation. That is real care at the end of the day.

What I notice within listening as much as possible to all the various narratives is that point of becoming overwhelmed.  I also realize that some of this feeling of being overwhelmed is rushing to resolve issues, this being egotistical in some respects because the end goal is an answer instead of the end goal being to realize a solution that causes no harm, and if anything brings to the awareness of others the various things at play that are being experienced and discovered by those who live on this planet. The voices of the living must be heard, and the voices of the living must share what they experience on the ground. People need direct interaction with one another. Of course this is difficult if each one is acting in self interest, to tell their belief instead of being open about their experience as the quality of their life.  

At present, we have a situation where one narrative has precedence over real experience. Meaning, a centralized dictate is repeated over the voice of the people to such a great extent that each one of us has resonant beliefs and ideas, and opinions about things within, from that “source” that this narrative is a cognitive dissonance to what we are actually experiencing! It is a form of pollution, of distraction from our real experience in reality. When some speak up the meta-physical information being regurgitated from organic walking plants that absorbed it react. They react because they speak up what resonates from within them and push back on what does not match their “ intellectual” forms!  And they will do this while walking with a cain, or while having breathing difficulties, or while the hair on their head no longer grows. While the body is basically falling apart, that belief system will continue to speak up when the inner resonant information of the being is contradicted ! As absurd as this sounds that is what is happening.

It is why memory learning in the schools is so difficult for some because they don’t have the means to read the resonant storm that is lacking-experience and at the same time relate to the practical reality and also express that. I imagine there are children who see the resonant cartoon coming from the parents while feeling the living reality around them.  How does one speak to an hypnotized entity?  How does one speak to this object walking in a vortex being projected from within? Especially if one does not have the words to describe that to a walking-memorized-set-body-of-information? Years of public schooling does not help because that is the very means of dividing that initial awareness from itself, as the habit of over-using the imagination and abstracting constructions about things prevails at the expense of real lol, “ anecdotal” living?  I mean is it possible that the air particulates are the cause of bodily dysfunction that is being labeled as a viral outbreak? I guess it is protect-the-cost-of-misusing-resources at the expense of life. But then why support a “ life” that is mis-informed and believes that mis-information, or scattered information, is more real than the living ground that has allowed it to be mis-informed overall? Is that organic robot consisting of a program that no longer fits into the new model narrated by what was formed to ensure that resources were properly used?  It is like one is damned if they listen and damned if they do not! 

Of course it is important to listen and use discernment. That discernment is actually natural, it is the limited narrative that distracts because sentience is covered up but always remains. One need only begin to tap back into it. That sentience is what forms the physical body that loses its step within building in a resonant set body of information that is believed to be a truth but is not the real life that is it. The contrast causes dis-ease. The information in the body does not fit into the reality and actually separated into a layered consciousness we call the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious. I mean, young children to not  YET have this, even though the pollution of mis-information has accumulated as the very law of compounding effects to the extent children are at younger ages having difficulty learning new things, evident in behaviors of resistance.  I would imagine it would be difficult to FOCUS when there is a lot of static moving around within the body as generations of this same disassociation to reality is passed down from previous generations. I would imagine this would also interrupt sperm counts in the males of the species - the pollution of mis-information causing dysfunction in the physical matter. It begs the question as to what a “ virus” is and is not.  It is silent but deadly. It is like a religion - create some invisible god to beg for for forgiveness when the real forgiveness must be done by the self, that natural sentience within the machine. 

I myself realized that one time in high school in New York city within suddenly asking myself a question as I was walking down a street, why there was “something” in every person’s back. It is one of those times I suddenly asked such a question only to get distracted by existential living in this system of this construction.  Another time I asked a similar question was in my thirties. I asked why it appears that when I “ played the game” things appeared to become more aggressive around me, but when I played the role of a certain degree of rebellion, things were more comfortable and yet that role in itself that appeared to have a promise was never fulfilled. This was being caught in a resonant storm in itself as I could not see outside my own box. I did love nature, and at that time I had a garden. I had a friend that was a landscape architect. She came over and was astonished at my garden and asked me how I managed to produce the healthy degree of plant life that I did. I said I had read up on what plants need and used that in the garden. I had a working compost that was the meeting place of hedgehogs every night. They would wake me up because their eating habits were so noisy. Smacking on snails is pretty noisy! lol In that moment, I did not understand what was in plain sight. It was the physical that was real, and the physical that when supported could produce amazing and beautiful living expression in abundance! That dis-ease should not exist was in plain sight. What separates us from that? What is constant but the physical. What is here and visible in every moment but the physical. What is used to cause uncertainty and fear but some invisible “ thing” we are lead to, or allow ourselves to believe? When it is promoted as invisible does it not become an impossible thing? The idea that something is impossible is the pollution. And the idea that we have choice is also a lie. The physical works in specific ways, ways we can understand. If we look at what is here, as the physical and how it works, then the central narrative , as ego, would no longer have any power. Ego is the illusion.

Why do I write this out? Because in this valley of good and evil, this hyper-real metaphysical resonant storm is causing harm to life. And, in writing this out, I share and help to ground myself here. It is a form of restructuring myself here.  Imagine if many many people did this? It would be counter intuitive to the hyper polarized resonant mis-information around us. It would become a collection of anecdotal voices focusing on re-grounding ourselves one by one back into the visible living reality that is physical and all around us. One that we can work with, together, to build a world that is best for all to expose what has become a false “norm.” To change focus onto what is actually more normal and would have a visible quality of greater ease in its movement. It is what is the means to rediscover the awe of life, where life is physical. Or, where the physical is life in expression here. 

A resonant storm of separation has patterns because it is a system. The living reality has patterns too, because it is also a system. One is unstable and one is more stable. 

For myself, when I begin to feel overwhelmed, it is a sign for myself that I am rushing, and at the same time, losing a stability to process what is a resonant storm of mis-information where each offering of information can have a grain of truth. It simply means to sort through, or process the information, to hear what lends support of life, that which is constant within the information visible in its practicality. It also means to rebuild my words, to the extent my words have a relationship to the practical reality so that when I speak, it grounds those around me, as the movement of the words grounding me here are my expression. It means to no longer be blinded, or distracted by the “ light” and to instead listen to the darkness, the silence, to reach that place where there is nothing because that is the place of potential. It is a place no one can give another, as that is reached from within. It means to learn the patterns of separation, and to no longer fear them because they have no real longevity.

Day 832 Mirroring

There was a moment this week where I realized the movement of myself as a mirroring of what is around me. Meaning, it is so visible how we mirror, as we speak that which we are allowing within ourselves in relation to a captive audience as the object of that which we stand and mirror our self to and towards. It is this tangible thing, a presence, a projection. The person mirroring themselves, as a quality in their stance of a lack of awareness of their projections. The quality is vacuous, meaning, there is a somewhat vacant look to the person mirroring what is being processed within them. Within this the listener can hide in plain sight. This could be used, to the extent one is protected from this consuming mirroring process. 

I could see where this may trigger anger, like an indignant anger and a restlessness as a fear of being pulled into the vortex of that mirroring action because it may define one and upset one’s self definition. That mirroring movement has an insistence to it. It wants validation when in reality it is the one being in that self projected mirror processing where they are at, like someone banging their head against a wall attempting to see outside of their own self definitions.

Overall, this is a state of separation from being present, because if one is in a state of self validation, which has an element of processing where one is at, or referencing what one has lived, one cannot have a focus on that which is around one, and/or there is an element of self justification within this which in itself is a form of self justification in isolation from the living reality around us. It could go both ways, where one realizes what one is doing and opens this up to process that movement within and the reality the living reality that is what and who we are in this life. Such a state can be something that stagnates, or something that can open a window into the choices one has made, to realize in a moment the degree to which one has lived within limiting self definitions at the expense of being in respect of this living physical reality.

I experienced this this week. I could see my own reactions and feel that sticky sense that I notice when that insistence in recognition for the mirroring of experience. That action of seeking both validation and on some level a reference of experience wanting some kind of closure. That closure from perpetual seeking which is ultimately to become one and equal to the living reality that is who and what we are here. That ease, that which can move through the eye-of-the-needle, or have the ability to process in the moment, to never tell a lie, and therefore, carry nothing around with one, or remember anything because the reference is always, in all ways, equal and one to the moment. The “ here”, as creation, as the physical. 

In this experience of looking at someone expressing themselves to me,I was resisting and becoming irritated, yet in that moment, I was listening to someone basically processing where they were at, building understanding within themselves. 

It pulled up another memory of this. I was in an interview. Yet, I was not speaking. The interviewee was doing all the talking. They were telling me their life story - lol, perhaps they were mirroring me in some way, as though they felt by what and who I am, that they could tell their life story! As the interviewee chatted away, I had the thought that they were doing all the talking, most probably had already hired a person for the position, and that I was basically a captive audience, and that that interviewee would continue to look disheveled even if a tailored suit was made for them! lol. I was not aware of the extent of this process, still having reactions myself. Yet, to some degree, around the edges of my own personalities, there were those cracks in the fabric of the situation where I was safe because the interviewee was mirroring ( as I call it here) and that I could basically hide. What if I had looked deeper? What if I had been calmer and perhaps seen through the veil of the mind projections humans are living within to protect self definitions at the expense of being present and in respect of the living physical reality that is life in expression?  

In other words, mirroring reveals that resonant constructions within us, as ego, that is a state of separation from reality. It is why so many children do not yet have memory, have not YET separated from being present in this reality. It is why they have no heaviness, which we could call a state of innocence. Our information as what we define ourselves as, does not fit into reality, and it becomes a weight that we carry around, consuming the body until it is ashy white and bent. What will leave the body at death, is what remains of one’s purity or innocence. What is that 21 grams that every body loses in weight at the moment of death? 

In moving as this that I call a mirroring experience, what is recognizable is that one is seeking. In being a seeker one is separated from being here, from being in a focus that is a living relationship to all life. All life being the physical, which is life in expression. One would no longer have to remember what one did yesterday or a year ago because the living story is always here, as the physical. As things are systems, with patterns, one need only reference the physical reality that is here, and understand how things are built and composed because the structures would be in plain sight. This in itself reveals creation of which we are, unless we are caught in a resonant storm of ideas, beliefs and opinions, separating us from ourselves. When we use another to mirror ourselves we are acknowledging that we are a construction that is resonant within that we are reviewing to define and to place onto this reality. We know that somehow we are not in sync with what is here. It is also why there is really one principle; to do what is best for all. This is so because with every action we take, it means to reference all things around us before taking an action. It means to realize the one choice of and as “ to do no harm.” Collateral damage, just as the term “ anti” placed before some qualifier are the present industry labels used to seed fear and doubt. It is the game of you are with us or against us. If we are busy mirroring our experiences and self validations, we are already unstable because we are seeking closure, we are seeking stability. And yet that mirroring can perhaps be a right use of imagination to assess before taking action when used in respect of all things.

We basically have a system, we participate within a system that has normalized harm. This is the side of mirroring where what is being moved within as the self, is self justification for choices made that lacked regard and respect for the reality around us as this earth. Just this week I heard in the news feed a comment that suggested the present system is doing everything possible to remove awareness of biology. We have become an anti-biology system. Yet we are biology! 

Our media systems are basically a mirroring system showing that same action. One fears one’s survival which means that there is a loss of real presence - the real normal. A normal that would lead to a life, as opposed to living in a shadow world where one is scattered into projections that require constant support. What if we recognized this and equalized to creation that is this earth and this life. Even the pop music that is a constant in the stores has a weight to it. It is of constant lament, pushing down, like a force, seemingly normal as though one is not alive unless one is living in some form of longing and lament. Meanwhile, we humans are so capable we become our parents! That requires great sensitivity to absorb a form and enact that expression! We take on forms. That means we are creative. Why not do this in relation to the living reality around us, considering all things? Would we need to self validate if we retained a natural presence? 

Given the increasing inequality in financial terms in this world today, how many are living their potential? And I do not mean the “ potential” promoted by the present systems - where one is labeled and placed into a delineation that suits a hierarchy of financial means. The present system simply mirrors what we are mirroring within us, that by degree indicates the extent to which a state of separation from the living biology that is who and what we are here exists as - that which is the means of being here. Hold your breath, and see what will remain! 

Have a look at our movies. Everything happens in the space of a couple of hours. That is not a timing in sync with reality. As we absorb everything, our children would build an inner template that has nothing to do with practical living. And we wonder why we have so many attention disorders and cognitive problems, relationships problems and violence.  The media feeds on violence and harm - it mirrors the degree of our separation from ourselves and yet it shows us how we can take in the most subtle of things and use that information to direct the self! . 

This overall, has become normalized. Meanwhile, the resources from resource rich countries flows with expediency and certainty.  A few have captured the earth, which is all of us, for a false creation that cannot and will not stand because it is not equal to creation. It exists through participation because the real power is in the numbers. It is held in place because it is accepted as a norm, when is it not normal. There are people realizing this, but like a child facing a parent, that “ parent” is so loud and such a bully, an imposition, that it appears to be something one cannot pass, when in reality, it is simply a projection. One that is visible. We know it because we hide from it in plain sight! It has no real power unless one allows one’s self to become hypnotized by it. One is facing a mirror of mis-information and believing that only that exists.  Meanwhile the living earth is being abused, the animals, that plants the waters. The earth is becoming polluted. And by extension, so are we. When we drink the alcohol ( normalized) and we eat the refined sugars ( normalized) we are poisoning ourselves! We have been sold that health comes from a needle, instead of realizing that what supports the body are the living building blocks of this earth all around us! There is an attempt to normalize health through a needle. How does that make any sense? 

I mean, we can all realize the extent of what I call mirroring here, because we have all had a moment where we realized someone was talking at us, and not really seeing us. In that moment, we would manipulate the narrative to hide our own hiding of ourselves! Thus, that same ability to absorb and learn, should we stop self validating, has that ability to see our own states of separation when we are being talked at instead of being present. We are not swayed into self protection and defense, our own self validation, in response to another self validating! We choose that movement in the moment!  We are so able to process what is moving within us, and moving around us as this life that is physical.

It is noted that thoughts move at something like 1000 to 3000 thousand words per minute. Most of us, as the average, read at about 250 words per minute. We are capable of mastering and reading many words per minute! If we caught up with ourselves, and mastered the small enough to recognize it and call it out by name, would we need to mirror our experiences as a state of hypnotic forcing of story if we were present and at ease with recognizing the living, moving environment around us? Have we lost sync with that innocence that is in children where the children do not yet have the means to express in ways that recognize what is happening within and around them and yet do not have a busy-ness with projections of likes and dislikes called personalities? It is all a math, a geometry,  and yet,  that life directing that projected mirror has become a master of something we could call deceit. That is done through practice! It means we can change, we can take that apart and come back to ourselves as life, and move to remain present in this living reality to become the creators we are meant to be because that is the nature of the essence of life within and as us. 

For myself, I must forgive my own reactions to the projected personalities because in effect, it was simply this that I call the mirroring effect of self validation, or self cross reference.  It is like a mirror that is a mirage, and like a mirage, one can slow way down and actually see it! It is not something that one can necessarily see with the eyes - which as this overuse of one sense, we humans  have overused imagination! Yet that means of separation is simply an imbalance of the tools that are life tools as that same ability that allows a child to become just like their parents! In effect, we are life, and thus we are amazing. It is why Christ ( supposedly) said, “ You can do what I do and more.” 

Day 831 Looking at the word permission. The theater of the absurd. What is our Media?

I can see where I drag some days, as though I am not moving. What is it that causes that hesitation, the waiting , that holding back? 

Sometimes, I make lists of things to get done, especially when I am aware of emotional “ clouds” that must be processed hanging around. This helps me to continue walking here, it is a means of focus. This also means working on words. I noticed a word I had a difficult time of REMEMBERING within this period of feeling I have something “ pulling “ me down and slowing me up in being present and here as who and what I am as a human being on a physical and practical planet.

That word was “ permit.”  I had enough cognitive wear-with-all to catch this. It is, to some extent, a greater ability to hold my own actions throughout a day, or more than one day, to review and assess. Within this, in my busy day, I noticed an inability to call up this word. This was “ telling” in itself. 

I relate this word to the word “ permission.” Within this word, I realized that at times when something becomes more clear, that I had not given myself “ permission” to be and do what I naturally understood. It is as though ignorance is a lack of permission. And, within this, there is a “ desire” to have permission from an outside source, much like a belief that I am not allowed to move forward unless I have permission! That is intrinsically a lack of self trust. It is a lack of brutal self-honesty. 

It is a product of the product of compulsory schools too - from another perspective. Meaning, because we become what we practice and what we practice automates into our muscle memory, like a quantum programming - this movement of “ waiting-for-permission” can become a subtle “ slowing” down of permitting natural insight into this reality!  Think about it, we go to school for years, and must ask for permission from an “ authority” during most of our daily hours during our initial developmental years. What happens with what we practice, as the smallest of movements? I mean, asking permission does have a quality of slowing down to assess, yet when mis-used can also inhibit a natural desire to follow through and understand, as discover, how things work here, in this life, this physical life! 

I can sense this “ word” being something that is difficult to “ hold” within me in a stable way and means. Quite literally, this is, and not “ like,” an indication that there are resistances within me towards and as permitting myself license and leverage in terms of speaking up in common sense of practical reality. If we are divorced from the practical, as the very means to get things done; what is in the way? What causes us to basically get caught in the absurd instead of the practical, the common sensical? The illusion that removes a natural presence is in essence an absurd! I mean, look at the polarized political drama screamed through the media daily! It is a theater of the absurd!  Distraction from self as life could therefore be realized as the theater of the absurd. Remember a time when you realized you held beliefs that turned out to not be what was real? How silly did you feel about what you had allowed? How ABSURD did you realize your belief to actually BE? 

If I play with the sound of the word “ absurd” what can I “compose’? By some accounts, a vowel in front of a word negates the word. Thus, “ ab” negates “surd.” If I SPELL “ surd” backwards I get “ dru-s.” Like, drew. Like, I drew something. Or, I framed something. Or, I SPELLED, as cast a SPELL.  Like, the absurd is the inverse of real creation, effective creation, the kind of creation that realizes there are no problems and only solutions!  I mean, if I am absent of self as life, just as I spine spells of protection and defense, so would I “ warp” sounds to hide my own absence of real focus and presence as who and what I am as life here. This life that is a physical life. This life here that is the realization in thought, word and deed of and as to consider all things, to take the good and do no harm. This is the universal principle of oneness and equality. It is a system of real creation. 

I am, for a moment, relating permission to this contrast of the “ absurd.” The “ absurd” being a drama within me that dis-associates me from real and natural presence, causing a difficulty in “ holding” a word steady within me. I am life, therefore I do not need “ permission” to be anything other than who and what I am here as life, which is physical. I mean, ask yourself, “ why does the system move to “ own” what are freely-given resources?  Why within constant “ war” are the natural RESOURCES of a country suddenly “ owned” by some perpetually-living paper-corporation? Why does “ aid” seem to move so slowly, while resource extraction move with great efficiency?  This in itself, is another one of those “ theaters-of-the-absurd”! And it is in plain sight. What distractions, as what are you associating with and as a self definition that is causing an ignorance of this resource movement on earth today? And, why, if you are aware, may this appear to some as a Goliath out there somewhere that one cannot change because it is too big? It can change. It means realizing every small individual allowance and acceptance as self definition. It means being cognizant of your politicians, and your individual resource use. It means being aware of your self. It means being aware of various words in  your reality that are, for some reason, difficult to “ hold.” 

In effect, the degree to which one is scattered into value judgements, as the absurd, is the degree to which one is separated from that innocence of the real beingness within, as one’s natural ability of and as real PRESENCE.  It is all a math. The means of separation from self is as much a system as is the living system called creation, as the physical reality right here in plain sight. Are you scattered in a resonant bubble of belief or are you grounded and present evident in an absence of anger and reaction? And Why?  Because in effect, the realization of the absurdity of a scattered state as a projected picture show - as resonant belief - causing a consciousness of separation is an inner theater of the absurd where one loses all permissions of self as life. 

Is one’s FOCUS a per-miss ? Meaning a “ missing” of natural FOCUS here, with a direct seeing included in the use of my imagination?  Am I here, as per - “ mit” meaning, “ with” what is here in my thoughts, words and deeds? 

Thank you for reading! 

Day 830 A reaction from within me to insistence

Yesterday, early in the day, during a conversation, suddenly this rain of reaction poured down within me, through the middle of me. It was sudden, in appearance, yet, there is space between events , and therefore,  somewhere there is a beginning and an end. That is the rule of creation.  This means, though I have looked at this over time, as the space of me here, as these reactions,  and though it is not as overwhelming, meaning, I realize the movement of reaction just as in this description, in a moment, that reign, as rain of emotion moved through me, down through the middle of my physical body.  I was “ awestruck” for a moment, like WOW! What I have worked on is HERE. This brought forward questions. I asked myself, where and how was I building this, what is not yet clear, what was the trigger, where did I react, what was the more automatic reaction, where did I begin to live an automatic fear etc. etc. 

lol, I as well, have a sense of not wanting to go back and find what appears to be a minute movement! This in itself is an indication that the running within me as me, wants to continue, and/or, there is some buried desire/fear I am not yet clear on. It also has to do with being the patience to walk something into a well understood correction. Could it also be that “ quick-fix” in the pace of this world, appearing normal, when the normal is what is abnormal and what is abnormal is normal? 

What I remember is what I call an insistence. Meaning, something that has an insistent quality to it. I relate this to my experience within working with the male of the human species. I noticed in time as my life, that men, the male, can have this intense agitated quality to their behavior. For me, it was like, “ what is that?!” That is a thing. A state turns an action into a noun after all.  That “ state of agitation” can also be this slow seemingly calm and quiet state of the passive aggressive behavior found in some women. It appears like this impenetrable force, that in non-movement is like a slippery fish. Yet, that agitated state is also much like a slippery fish. This is a practiced thing, a developed state. It is as psychologists said to me after being married for 9 years and 11 months. My husband committing suicide was built within him for years, - 10 years of marriage was not enough time to have built that. And this, even within myself knowing this was in him, but being so unfamiliar with such a choice, and being so caught in my own programming, I was sensing what I could not name, or because of my own resonant information, avoided naming. Well, I did name it, yet when I spoke of it, I was told I was negative. lol, when a man tells me I am crazy, that emotional agitation is present. As logistical fallacies reveal, the moment a person becomes emotional they have already lost the argument. This is something people responding in an emotional way, do not want to hear. We don’t get angry when someone tells a lie, we get angry when someone tells the truth. Perhaps this previous statement is also a lie in some sense. Why, because we can move mountains as humans, thus, it is not so much what someone says, it is also how it is said. Any subtle emotion in a voice, even when speaking clearly, as calling something out by name, can feed agitation or stubborn passive firewalls- which are programs of belief, a resonant form appearing invisible, yet is visible because standing outside of being emotional means being able to call something out by name, with an emotional voice, or without the emotion outside of the voice! This in itself, though of “ reason” indicates the existence of acknowledgement of movement/expression.  Water remains water, yet the ripples are visible. Movement is visible within creation. That “ invisible “ wall is visible.  The consequences of a mis-use of freely given resources is visible. It causes harm to other sentient beings. And, it is not the elite that hold the present system in place, it is the followers, the employees. It is those who abdicate self responsibility. It is us. The power we have as the numbers of is, is so great, we could create an earth where everyone can live like a millionaire! 

Thus, in that moment I within myself, sensed that emotional wave sweep down though the middle of me, I stopped. I realized I was experiencing what I call an intense insistence as information being expressed in my environment. I have faced this so much. With a panel, with individuals. I realize I have a paranoia of this wall, of this “ wave.” The first time I called something like this a “ wall” was in 2002. I remember walking down a hallway, in a school and feeling/thinking there was suddenly this “ wall” present. I ask myself what question lead to this question as a way to review the steps taken to get to where I am. It has to do with asking myself, as I stood in another and different hallway, asking myself what it was about the “ words.” It was something about the words. it was 2000. I knew I was not reaching my husband in some way. 

lol, I just realized that in some way, I am showing a point I repeat again and again and again. And it is facing that which I call “ insistent” agitation or passive aggressive behavior. In a way, that passive aggressive behavior is “ of “ an agitation too! I sometimes realize that I choose to study music because it was a way to get away from words, a way to avoid language, a way to do something that was “ pure” in and of itself. Or so I believed. 

It is a form of running from something, avoiding something. It is believing something is impossible. And, despite that perhaps to some extent I realize the nature and quality of that from which I run, or that which I avoid, or that which I no-longer-want-to-deal-with, or, want a quick-fix for, what happened yesterday, in the morning, is an indicator that it is not YET clear. It also is cool, because the overall movement was in itself more visible. Thus, I can realize as continue walking, to understand how that reactive movement within me was built/formed/grown and understand when I begin to react as a state of sensing that agitation, that insistence, to, as in sales, address the limitations BEFORE they come up- which has a quality of addressing resistances that is what composes that built agitation or intense “ insistence! And, at the same time, not be so hard on myself, when I fall prey to that. Or, be grateful for what and who I am here, in this life, as this is walked as much as I am able, sharing this, because what i realize is that so many realize the same things, thus sharing is caring, because as we all speak the walking of coming out of a suppression of ourselves as life, which is the only choice, we help one another to remain more stable within this process! I mean, that is awesome! 

Looking back, as assessing that moment, and writing here, What I immediately saw for a moment, was how what I would call a “ darkness’ was forming behind me. That is a form of resistance as protection. There is anger within that. Anger is fear. And yet, at the same time, this reaction is a recognition! So, this begs the question and reveals the sentient nature of me as life here! Meaning, this reaction as me, which I allow, recognized a movement in my environment, and most probably did not YET understand how to address that, and was cautious of it. 

What I realized within reflection of this moment, yesterday, is a deep seeded fear. It is raw, it is like an abject terror. ( what does “ abject” mean? That was an automated response using that word! …. …” present to the maximum degree.” “ … “ completely without ( self) pride or dignity, self abasing .” )  YES, it is like a moment where I move into fear, into resistance, into non-looking, into “ desire,” into self abdication,” into NON-LOOKING! And, coupled with this, under that fear, is some frustration. It is  not YET knowing how to address a wall! There is a small sense of seeing outside of the wall, that sense of somehow ( lol “ sum” and “ how” - we speak solutions while speaking problems - this is the power of WORDS! they are DWORS, as doors, they frame! We can only speak our experience; vocabulary comes BEFORE achievement! Such is the beauty of LIFE! Always GIVING!) In other words, in this memory, as a state of remembering this movement more towards its inception, where I sensed but did not have the words to match the ways and means of what I faced, yet sensed a disturbance in the life around me! 

The wall is a bully. It is insistent. Yet, behind that is that presence which asks the question. Thus, when I sense this “ black” cloud building, it is a signal that I am moving into a automated behavior as reaction to my environment. I feel threatened, probably from practice, by what is here, as what is being expressed, as the sum and the how in my immediate environment. I have used one method to at least not become reactive, even though I know not YET where to go. I ask myself, and this is from experience, “ where is the grace?” “ where is the calm?”  From experience, I realize NOTHING can touch me unless I allow it.  I used to say to people, “ I will get hurt but so will you.” or “ You just told me more about you than anything else.” lol, both statements can really stop a person in their tracks! It shuts them up. lol- not an answer yet revealing of something else I tend towards. Buying time, meaning in a process of elimination, holding back from making a decision because going “ there” or “ there” is not the place to go. I supposed this is an unconscious recognition of a wall, without naming it outright because ultimately one must look at SELF’s acceptances and allowances. In other words, I did not want to look at how I had become that with I hate, and as suppressing a natural sentience. Meaning, realizing that that state of what I call “ intense insistence” both in passive and aggressive movement/expression I was avoiding as not addressing because of being in a deep fear of it, based on past experience, and most probably as that of a child that did not yet have the words, as language to communicate. And, within this, this must be forgiven, because blame and spite is more of the same, a reaction instead of real responsibility. 

As far as I go with this today… I realized yesterday in that moment, having looked at my own ripples through a process of looking at my own emotional vortex creating my own personified firewall, because this is all this can be, and is visible, because we are all suppressing as hiding our creations as not looking at what is here, thus, this is visible if we make the decision to stand one and equal to life here.  I have recently read in a book that the present system was developed by a man with the last name Taylor. Thus what is here was called Taylorism! ( the present system is really an alignment with the acceptances and allowances of the human race- thus we are all responsible for what exists)  This Taylor, was the grandfather of John Taylor Gato! Gato, also writes about the construction of this system and how it fractionalizes through reason, through ratio “ giving” as our present education system, where we are “ taught” to do repeated tasks, as specializing to remain in boxes, abdicating our responsibility as life, meaning we shut down looking at the whole and the parts, we accept such a system, a system that is a system of separation from a natural and normal sentience as life as who and what we really are, AND the only choice. We, as individuals, must make the decision to CHOOSE if we want to get this world in order.  The vortex, spinning around, coming outside from within the eyes, being projected outward is visible. One must simple acknowledge what one is doing, just as I must acknowledge this “ black” cloud entity building that which then reigns my behaviors, as rains down through me, as this is not me creating, this is me reacting.  This is not an ease of and as real expression coming from me, most probably coming from my heart. I shut down my heart as that behavior of reactions as protection as thoughts, as ideas, and beliefs, and opinions, as protections. Instead of facing the “somehow,” the sum and the how, of that insistence, as what I call this at this moment , I reject looking. Perhaps, in moments, as a child, I also attempted to address this in various ways and means. I am sure many have, and we can remember. In moments we see through the cracks, as that part of me that asks the kinds of questions I ask, that were most likely of small moments before the reactive behavior, I allowed, took precedence of self as life, those moments are also there!  The grace and the calm, it is always there. It may be tiny and buried under  a huge emotional construct, but it is there. No one can bring that forward but the self. 

I will continue to look at this “ event” from yesterday. I commit myself to walking back through this to realize the construction of my own demise! I will look at desire too. To desire something, even if that something is not what is best, can have some quality of FINALLY looking at what is here, because the desire in itself, right or wrong, is enough to face what is here even if as manipulation! Therefore, as this appears in this moment, to be a movement more through my heart, the difference within this, may reveal what is not YET as clear as it can be. 

Thank you for reading! 

Day 829 Patterns, form and function.

Everything has a form and a function. Therefore there are patterns. Patterns also expedite and turn into forms and functions. 

It has been said that  one can understand where a person is at, in relation to how they speak, or how they describe things. And, it has been said that if one cannot explain something to a 6 year old, then one does not YET know something well enough to explain it. In this, words come before accomplishment. 

I think our symbols reveal the overall nature of how we work, I mean, as said above, if patterns lead to form and function, and words come before accomplishment, then a form is either SYMbiotic with life or it is not. If it is not, it lacks real form, it cannot sustain itself, as it does not fit into the circle of life; it does not fit into what is a self perpetuating balanced circle of movement. That lack is visible.  

Again, we all realize this, that we are running within a system, through acceptance that is not what is best for this plan-it. Ideologically, within, as how we define ourselves in service to this  present usurious system that is composed of consumers lacking any regard for their actions as they FOLLOWED a system that is counter-intuitive to the living reality on which it feeds! In so many ways, is it no wonder, according to some industry generated “ conspiracy theory, “ that those same generators realize that program of and as the consumer has become so destructive it is consuming this plan-it and must be removed? I mean, they are DOING SOMETHING instead of ONLY following! Can we blame them? No. We took the bait. Can’t blame anyone for that. 

The patterns are revealed in our symbols. We tend to order things in forms in terms of using communication as how humans speak and write. And, because we can only speak our experience, we place in our symbols that which we hide, that which is in plain sight. For instance, the alphabet begins with an A. That is a pyramid! It is how we learn. We move from the general, accumulate understanding, process as move within that more and more effectively. We become more and more aware of the details and process that more and more effectively direct us, until we move through the top of that triangle into grace and mastery! Unless we become a master of a limited set-body-of-information, as lack. 

The alphabet ends with a Z. Does that symbol not somewhat reveal the outcome of our programming as how we use the very symbols as the words we speak? Does it not look somewhat like a DNA spiral? Thus, how we BUILD ourselves within, as the development of skill sets, as that natural order of building as the A, will determine the building of our neurological network as that DNA spiral that is similar to the Z that is the symbol at the end of the ALPHABET.  Remember, we can ONLY speak out experience. And we hide our hiding in our words as our practiced experience! 

I have come across articles that suggest that some people talk about other people, some talk about events and others talk about ideas. None are necessarily “ bad.” Those who talk about other people, tend to take a long time to tell a story, meaning, they have to move through, “ then they said, then they did, then they said, and then.…” It is a way of building a picture but it can take a long time. In other words, they cannot expeditiously tell the story in few words. 

Others can talk about events. This is a level of greater pattern recognition. It is the “ he said, she said” situation on another level. It is also a greater awareness of relationships between thing in this reality. One is including more of the outer environment called this life.

The third stage is talking about ideas. Of course this is usually made “ holy.” It is filled with holes as it can be a positivity cult of thinking instead of being a transition, in tandem with the other “ maths” of communication, to seeing the parts and the whole of what is expressed on this plan-it and how one can become locked into limited and collectively accepted forms of information to the extent it automates and runs the machine called YOU! 

In looking at this overall, we can automate patterns and get locked into them, making it harder to READ new things around us, manifested as it being more and more difficult to actually READ words on a page. Reading does help one to READ the world around one! Reading sounds a lot like REEDING, like pushing movement through a pipe to SOUND something. Thus, we are the WORDS we effectively know. Are our words LIVING WORDS, meaning, do our words recognize all the relationships of this life, or are our words tied to limited constructions of information, the kind that have become a program of consumers offered by a few, who actually get out and DO SOMETHING, that realize there are too many CONSUMERS, as though they took the initiative to BUILD SOMETHING, and have made a mistake in their calculations and must back track to return a certain degree of BALANCE on this plan-it! I mean, can we blame them? Once again, as I repeat?

If one has not realized, as studied and LOOKED at the nature of being locked into limited perspectives revealed as the very words we speak and CAN generate, how does one know the degree to where one is at? How can one realize the programming of a limited story, and to note, we need stories because we recognize through patterns forms? A limited story, or being caught in one means of communication as a program, is a state of separation from the living story. One would have a harder time READING in such a case as READING reveals the extent to which one is caught  in limitation and therefore cannot PROCESS information to realize the patterns to both respect patterns and see outside of them as self and the living system of this PLAN-IT at present, to the extent one expresses as MOVES and COMMUNICATES with all the above limitations and the whole overall!  Who has done that to a greater degree? 

Again, yes, a limited program is not cool. Yet, if the following realize they have made a mis-take, then it is to realize that perhaps those that did take some initiative also made a mis-take. Overall, what exists exists through acceptance and allowance. And yes, what is here must change. Yet, it can only change as each individual must learn to respect all things, and take the time to study and understand how all of this works. It is something that no ONE can do for each one. It is something each one must do all by themselves.  And yes, there are those who fear stepping outside of limited programming because they fear their own “ self creation,”  AND they fear changing, they fear that they will not survive in the present system. AND, some have worked very hard to get to where they are at. Yet, we can more effectively use resources to the extent we do learn to control the population of humans and the natural world here on earth, in ways that allow each one to live on this earth like a millionaire! 

We also know we have a divided consciousness. Meaning, we all have memories, some of painful experiences. Those memories are our past. Some we bury. Those memories can manifest as pictures hiding what is behind that curtain- the degree to which the images are filled with uncertainty and fear and are seemingly fantastic is the degree to which one is separated from what is initially behind them! . That can take up a lot of our conscious mind, as our focus as our time here on this earth. One as the self, must sort that out and realize how the inner picture show, within this present system, that exists because we are doing this instead of being present and sorting out what is within. Thus, in terms of the words we use to describe where we are at, as what we talk about, we can begin to recognize the patterns revealing the degree of distance or presence in relation to this living reality! It is, as the words we speak, just like that curtain of numbers falling down like rain in the movie the MATRIX. We humans are amazing machines, we can build such illusion and defend them, and we can, simultaneously, realize the layers and see beyond them! That is amazing! Yet, one must be willing to study how one is in expression and what that construction is, as that “ fire-wall” as the very patterns and use of WORDS to RECOGNIZE- RE-COGNATE-IZE/eyes in the order of respecting all things as this living earth plan-it( structure) to stand as self, from the HEART/EARTH instead of some running picture show as a consciousness divided from self! A CON-sciousness that is visible in the very words a person uses and the tension as the constructions as the words  that inform to PULL like puppet strings on the PHYSICAL body. EVERYTHING is visible and in plain sight! YOU CANNOT HIDE! It is like it is said, one will face all that one has done. And, there is one choice,  to take the good and do no HARM.  Just as we actively participated in the present limited system through a lack of self realization ( that was actively and busily embraced! ) that was the means of building said system, so must each one begin to LOOK at what the self is defined as, and begin the journey to self realize to begin to walk a correction that fits into this PLAN-IT  that would be an action of REBUILDING the within to live and express self as life, as the principle of and as DO NO HARM. 

I mean, what is a projection but a set body of information self has allowed to define the self? Can one automate such behaviors? Yes. What is a divided and fractionalized consciousness but all of the above? And, is it not visible in thought, word and deed? 

Thank you for reading!